My mother died this morning. I am a co-signatory on her bank account. I live in California. I need answers ASAP because I don't want her funds frozen once we file the death certificate. I have a few questions. [more inside]
My ex texted me yesterday to let me know that one of her cats -- whom I referred to as my step-cats whilst we were together -- was hit by a car yesterday. I'm devastated, though I haven't seen said cat for nearly a year, and I don't know how to process it properly. [more inside]
We started a fundraiser to help pay for my kitty's hospitalization, but he died less than a day into the campaign. What do I do? [more inside]
In the past year, I have been treated for cancer and my husband died unexpectedly. With the exception of 4 weeks of FMLA earlier this summer, I have continued to work at my professional job with only a few days off here and there. I increasingly want to take some time for myself to figure out who I am now and what I want the second half of my life to look like. Is that terribly indulgent? Is this a thing people do? Will it completely torpedo my career? [more inside]
My mother's husband has died, but we have his voice in her voice mailbox. We have Verizon and we'd like to leave. I know there's a way to download voice mails, but what is it? How do we do it? Please explain it to me like I'm five. I see there is a similar question from 2007, but surely things have changed since then.
My dad is dying of cancer. I live a very long way away and have a small baby with health complications who probably shouldn't be flying just yet. Should I go sooner to see my dad before he gets too bad and leave my little baby behind? Should I wait for the all clear to travel with the baby and risk my dad getting really sick or dying without me seeing him? [more inside]
Last week my Mom died very unexpectedly. It doesn't feel real. How can I start believing it so it doesn't crash in on me later? [more inside]
What paperwork will the IRS accept that proves I am authorized to sign my deceased Mother's tax returns? [more inside]
I'm asking for a dying friend's caregiver. We want to give him his Apple TV, but are concerned about the potential for online spending (and exposure to fraud). We want to figure out if it's possible to prevent online spending through Apple TV (or another platform). I know there are parental locks possible, but I think that will mean he can't purchase movies and music, which we'd like to allow. [more inside]
How can we manage our kitty's end-of-life well, and help our 10-year-old daughter cope? (Recs for age-appropriate, non-religious books on separation, loss, sickness, or death welcome.) [more inside]
My wife's grandfather just passed. I asked for an address where to send a mass card, and she had no idea what I was talking about. I thought this was a common thing to send to the family of the deceased. Some further investigation revealed that mass cards are a strictly Catholic thing, and not all Christian religions use them. My wife's parents attend a United Methodist church, so I figure it is safe to assume that is their religion. So what do United Methodists do for funerals?
The other day, Mrs. Wazoo (who is not new to coffee) brewed a pot of the worst coffee that's ever existed, and we're baffled and disgusted the the fallout. It started innocently enough, with a bag of coffee from Four Barrel that smelled... well, like coffee. It did not end that way. Can you help us with any ideas about what could possibly have been the cause of this awful, awful thing? [more inside]
In one of the world's traditions (or maybe in fiction), there's the idea that death has 3 stages: first, the biological death of the physical body; second=??; and third, when the last person who, as a child, knew you, undergoes biological death. Would someone please refresh or correct my memory of this teaching?
Dearest hive mind, kindly help me prepare a self-care kit or make survival plans for what will probably be the most brutal 6 months I have had in years. The good news: I have finally landed work. The bad news: My dad is in hospice out of state, my new contract job is 40 hours per week at the end of a long commute on one of those hated corporate buses that pick up workers in San Francisco and drop them off in Silicon Valley. Details below. [more inside]
A friend's mother recently passed away after a fairly brief but intense battle with pancreatic cancer. My friend is the type of person who is comforted by reading about similar experiences and I think finding books about mother loss or the grief process in general might help her process some of her feelings. Please recommend any books you think could be useful, keeping in mind that her mom died only a few months ago, so it might be better to have more general books rather than intensely personal ones (although I'm not 100% sure about that).
The passing of the Thin White Duke has me mulling over last works and final days. What other artists made work about the premonition of death? [more inside]
My grandmother is in hospice and my father will be inheriting the majority of her savings after she passes. He would like to give me a large-ish amount of money from this, but how does that work? [more inside]
After my mother died last fall, and my family having no money to bury her, it got me thinking about my own inevitable death someday. I know you can prepay for your funeral at actual funeral homes, but I never stay in one location more than 2-3 years. I have no idea where I'll be when I die. I've thought about life insurance, but I think that takes a while to pay out? Are there some options I'm missing?
Are there any English-language translations of sources describing death by sayak (사약; 賜藥) poisoning in Korean history? I'm interested in what the effects of the poison were on the body.
My good friend is in the hospital across the country. She is my age (mid-20s) and has a ton of potential. Because of school and money I only have one chance to fly out, so I won't be visiting her (she is also heavily sedated anyways). There is an at least 50% chance she will die of this (though that is an older number and it has likely gotten worse since then). I'm looking for quotes, poems, prayers, or stories not for her, but for her friends, to help deal with this uncertainty and stress. [more inside]
I'm looking for advice and more questions about working an American job remotely while living in Poland. [more inside]
I've been watching more of the FAIL/WIN & People Are Awesome videos on YouTube than I should. Many of them contain (by now familiar to everyone) scenes of teenagers hanging one-handed off the top of a gargantuan crane. Are there known deaths from attempts to do that, or something similar? I googled, but couldn't find anything.
Please recommended memoirs, philosophy, and/or classics on coping with death, the meaning of life, etc. [more inside]
Inspired by reading this post today, I would like to get my affairs in order so that folks know what to do in the event of my death or severe disability. See below the fold for my question in two parts.... [more inside]
Another morbid funeral question: Is it "understood" that when an obituary says someone died "surrounded by his/her loving family" that the mourners may or may not have been present around the deathbed? [more inside]
I am making plans for my loved ones in case I die. I know the coroner will take my body away, but I'm afraid there will be an awful mess left behind. How do other people handle this? I don't want my loved ones to have to clean it up. [more inside]
I have in my possession my dead stepmother’s baby photos, photos of her beloved mother, her lovingly constructed scrapbook of awards, school reports, diplomas, etc. She has no one left behind to whom I can give these items, not a single family member, not a single friend. While her items have no intrinsic sentimental value for me, I also feel really weird about just throwing them away. What do I do? [more inside]
I just found out that a colleague of mine from a while ago died suddenly. I'd like to send a condolence card to her brother, but I'm not sure it's appropriate. Snowflakes inside. [more inside]
Can you set me straight about the urge I get to control my husband's eating and exercise habits? [more inside]
My grandmother passed away last week. The viewing and funeral have already been held. I am now trying to deal with people who mean well, but say some incredibly dumb things. What are some good tactics? [more inside]
Overseas travel set to start March 24. Travel insurance cautiously purchased at time of booking non-refundable air and hotel in November. And now ... [more inside]
I recently found out that a friend from back in my college days died eleven years ago, but I can't figure out where, or what happened, just a date. How can I find more information? [more inside]
I need to notify someone's online contacts that they passed away. Complications below. [more inside]
A friend and colleague recently passed away leaving behind two very young children. Although she did not have a substantial income, she was by far the primary wage earner for her household. Many of us at work and elsewhere are interested in contributing to the immediate support of her family and the future education of her children. Does anyone have suggestions about what the best mechanism(s) would be for doing this? Our office is in Maryland, and she and her family were residents as well.
A close, long time friend just got the C word from his doctor. This is not a good prognosis, it's perhaps weeks/months to live. He and his family are more than likely going through various stages of fear and emotional paralysis, just my assumption as I've yet to speak with them personally, just got the news. How can I best support them from a distance? [more inside]
So I've noticed a convention that using someone's name--and only their name--as the subject line in the email message means that something pretty severe has happened to them. Like, if Jane Bloggs had a healthy baby, the subject line would be something like "Jane had a baby!", but if the subject line was just "Jane" or "Jane Bloggs" or "Aunt Jane" (assuming I'm Jane's nephew) then either Jane or her baby or both would be in the (N)ICU or more likely the morgue. I'm wondering where this started. Any help?
I think I'm about to have to deal with the loss of a beloved pet cat. I am not sure how to best handle dealing with her remains. I want to keep them. Can anyone help me figure this out? [more inside]
My best friend called me last night to say that her father had died of a heart attack yesterday. She was clearly still in shock. She and her husband drove in overnight and as soon as she calls I'll leave work to go spend the day with her and her family. I don't want to show up empty-handed. Besides food for lunch, what should I bring with me? [more inside]
After seeing and reading about the death of parents, one of the biggest regrets seems to be not knowing them better. I have a cordial but distance relationship from my parents and while I don't ever see us being BFFs, I would like to know them better as people and their life. How do I do this, considering I live 6 states away? [more inside]
Background: I was in the middle of doing a mild restoration on my little brother's bike two years ago (2000 ZX-7R) when he died very unexpectedly. I don't know what to do with it now and just realized that it hasn't been registered since 2008. [more inside]
Within the past year or two (approx.), there was a book published that laid out (in a somewhat light-hearted, abbreviated manner, for mass market) many various imaginings from religion, folklore, etc., of what life after death may be like. Can anyone recall it for me?
A dear friend of mine who lives far away has lost two of her three cats to sudden, upsetting illness, in the space of a week. She has implied that she's not interested in talking about it, which I can understand. [more inside]
My brother and I are sitting down with my parents tomorrow to discuss specifics of what they've put in place for end of life planning. What should we ask? [more inside]
So my sister-in-law had a stroke last week and passed away on Friday. My niece's are 7 and 19. The older one, of course groks it, but I'm not sure how much the younger one is getting. [more inside]
My Dad just called and my Mom unexpectedly died in her sleep at 62. We need help in knowing what to do. [more inside]
Will uncooked Chinese sausage end my life? [more inside]
In the event that I have any control over it whatsoever, I want to die well. Recent family events and yesterday's NPR segments (1, 2) on end-of-life issues raise a fresh wave of questions about how to plan now for the best possible end later on. Is there anything in the works that looks like a living will but allows us in our younger healthier years to document the preference "if a, b or c happen, just guide me to the light with morphine"? I want to be able to die as peacefully and (perhaps almost as) easily as my pets can. And perhaps I should reserve this additional loaded question for a separate post, but what the hell: why do people care so much? [more inside]
My Mom passed in March. She thought I had a POA. I can't find one. Her will is old, and predates my father's death. I don't believe I am mentioned in it, but I am next of kin. There is no Estate. She does, however, have a smallish bank account that I would like, as her only child, to take possession of. Is there any way for me to do this in NYS without creating an Estate, which would probably eat the cash in the bank account anyway? I can't stand to think of the bank just keeping her money. Thanks for any and all help. If it's important, she passed in OR, and the bank is national.
Anybody remember this? A boy rides his horse in the rain, it gets stuck in the mud, the boy screams his horse's name (Philip), a lot, while the figure of Death looks on? [more inside]
An older family member has died. We'll be traveling to attend the viewing and funeral, which will be heavily religious. My 7-year-old daughter didn't know this family member, but has reacted very negatively to the idea of death in the past (long stretches spent sobbing in my arms). We are agnostic, with one of us leaning heavily towards atheism. I could use suggestions on how to talk with my little girl about these things. [more inside]