About six weeks ago, a friend/ex-fwb wrote a facebook message to me that made me uncomfortable - it sexualized our friendship and didn't respect the boundaries I had set for it. This was after a few times when I had told him he was going too far, and I finally laid into him. 4 weeks later, he committed suicide. I have so many weird feelings about this, and I want advice about processing the death of someone and the guilt I feel about my last interactions with him. [more inside]
Those of you who have been in the unenviable position of clearing out the house of your late loved one, how did you go about it, and any tips for me? (Both practical and emotional.) [more inside]
In the past year, I have been treated for cancer and my husband died unexpectedly. With the exception of 4 weeks of FMLA earlier this summer, I have continued to work at my professional job with only a few days off here and there. I increasingly want to take some time for myself to figure out who I am now and what I want the second half of my life to look like. Is that terribly indulgent? Is this a thing people do? Will it completely torpedo my career? [more inside]
My mother's husband has died, but we have his voice in her voice mailbox. We have Verizon and we'd like to leave. I know there's a way to download voice mails, but what is it? How do we do it? Please explain it to me like I'm five. I see there is a similar question from 2007, but surely things have changed since then.
My dad died. I have so much to do in the aftermath of his passing... but I just don't want to do anything. I've always been a procrastinator, but never to this degree. Please help me come up with a game plan. [more inside]
How I see myself has changed forever, since my dad passed away unnaturally. I don't feel like I deserve goodness. I am sure my relatives, his siblings may feel that way too. How to deal with this gruesome grief? [more inside]
We're making BBQ sauce. Yay! A single cherry pit has been chopped up by a hand blender in an 8 quart pot of sauce. Boo! Should we toss this pot or will it be safe? [more inside]
My dad is dying of cancer. I live a very long way away and have a small baby with health complications who probably shouldn't be flying just yet. Should I go sooner to see my dad before he gets too bad and leave my little baby behind? Should I wait for the all clear to travel with the baby and risk my dad getting really sick or dying without me seeing him? [more inside]
My father has been diagnosed with cancer and will probably die within the next year (two years if we're lucky), all I think about is about his impending death. I'm an only child and, to me, his death will mean that I'm completely alone in the world. I am so scared of losing him, but I am literally helpless. I feel like I'm waiting for him to die and I don't know how to cope with it. Any advice? [more inside]
My grandma is in her 90s and she broke her neck. I'm not sure I'm getting the story straight from my father so I just want to know what's going on and what to expect. What I know is inside. [more inside]
Last week my Mom died very unexpectedly. It doesn't feel real. How can I start believing it so it doesn't crash in on me later? [more inside]
What paperwork will the IRS accept that proves I am authorized to sign my deceased Mother's tax returns? [more inside]
I'm asking for a dying friend's caregiver. We want to give him his Apple TV, but are concerned about the potential for online spending (and exposure to fraud). We want to figure out if it's possible to prevent online spending through Apple TV (or another platform). I know there are parental locks possible, but I think that will mean he can't purchase movies and music, which we'd like to allow. [more inside]
I'm in a shitty life situation I have no control over and cannot escape. I am also dealing with the flare up (obviously stress related) of a chronic illness. I wake up crying from stress, can barely keep food down, and shuffle through each day trying to get to go back to bed and be unconscious for a while. I don't know how to cope with this pain. [more inside]
For the single year that my brother was alive, my Dad ran off and left our family. Now my Dad insists on sending the family notices on the anniversary of my brother's death. This is so painful, how can I make it stop? [more inside]
How can I help a young child who has recently lost a parent? [more inside]
How the fuck do I handle grief and grief police? [more inside]
How can we manage our kitty's end-of-life well, and help our 10-year-old daughter cope? (Recs for age-appropriate, non-religious books on separation, loss, sickness, or death welcome.) [more inside]
My partner is going to visit his parent, who has cancer and is in palliative care in another city (and might die quite soon.) Due to my own health, I genuinely can't travel there with him. What are some ways to be supportive of my partner, when I can't be there in person?
My mother is not coping well with my grandmother's impending death. My mother and I have a complicated and not particularly close relationship, and her coping style is hitting a lot of nerves about the crappier aspects of my childhood and I'm finding it really difficult to support her while keeping my own head above water. Any advice or stories from people who can relate would be appreciated. Wall of snowflakes below the cut. [more inside]
...Jeez, even typing that sounds bad. My mother has been given 2-3 weeks to live, based on a diagnosis of Acute Leukemia. She's also got a compromised immune system, due to a liver transplant over 20 years ago. I flew out immediately when she was given the diagnosis, and it is now going in to our 3rd week. She's a fighter, and I knew that. But I'm a continent and several time zones away from my life and my job and so very depressed. She's still going strong - - tired, but strong. And I don't know what to do. [more inside]
I am trying to find a specific passage from The Return of the King in which Gandalf reassures Pippin about an impending battle by describing death as a passage to peaceful land to include in a memorial service program. [more inside]
He died and I'm feeling stuck. [more inside]
The next week is going to be a rough one for me. My father is going in for cancer tests this week. He'll be seeing a oncologist on Friday before getting a biopsy for what could possibly be lung cancer on Tuesday. He clearly hasn't been diagnosed with anything yet (so who knows, it could be nothing, I guess), but I have been a wreck since Monday. I cannot stop imagining the worst case scenario. I am so afraid of my father being seriously ill and dying and these thoughts are just consuming me. I am completely petrified. How can I cope with this uncertainty? And if the news is bad, can I even survive? [more inside]
This past week, an old family friend passed away. This lady was a contemporary of my mom (they were friends/peers) and her passing was very sudden. She's super freaked out about this, and I have literally no idea what to say. [more inside]
Hello, all. My grandfather passed away a few months ago and he has some bank accounts and safety deposit boxes for which my grandmother has no access. [more inside]
I recall reading, some years ago, about a semi-famous intellectual--I believe it was a philosopher, or theologian, or author--who, on his/her deathbed, wrote a single punctuation mark as his/her last "words." The mark was either a comma or a semicolon, if I recall correctly. No matter how hard I try, I can't find the answer via Google.
Grandma died. Grandma was a huge part of my daughter's life. My daughter is 9, but brain damage makes her like a 2-year-old. My daughter prefers to talk about sad/scary things via anthropomorphic animals in picture books. ("Scared like Piglet." "Sad like Franklin.") Any suggestions for a book with animals about death that covers everything simply - sickness, hospital, death, funeral, sadness, saying goodbye, comfort?
My wife's grandfather just passed. I asked for an address where to send a mass card, and she had no idea what I was talking about. I thought this was a common thing to send to the family of the deceased. Some further investigation revealed that mass cards are a strictly Catholic thing, and not all Christian religions use them. My wife's parents attend a United Methodist church, so I figure it is safe to assume that is their religion. So what do United Methodists do for funerals?
After a losing battle with cancer, my mother died March 3rd at the age of 63. Grieving is bad enough but my situation has gotten more complicated and I am hoping you can help me. [more inside]
I found a dead rat today, and the trash had literally been picked up hours before. So now I'm going to have a (double bagged, disgusting vermin) sitting in my trash can for a week while the temperatures get well into the "make dead things smell very very dead" levels. Is there anything I can do to stop my trash cans from smelling like death for weeks?
My father is in end-stage liver failure due to alcoholism, and I'm having trouble finding good books/websites/forums/etc. for dealing with the emotional component of this situation. [more inside]
I recently discovered that my inspirational secondary school art teacher, Mr W, has lung cancer. Reports from my family suggest that it could be late-stage and not being treated, though his wife says they are 'staying positive'. Can I convey my thanks and best wishes without intruding at this time? [more inside]
My grandma is on her death bed. Grandpa is still alive but mostly incompetent. We're trying to figure out what insurance they might have (and if it's current) and where their money is so we can pay for medical bills, impending funeral, home care, etc. Is there a way to search for this type of stuff by name or SSN? Not necessarily online, but perhaps through national databases accessible to insurance agents or bank managers or government agencies.
I'm interested in learning more about funerary rituals and memorials for the dead in different cultures. Can anyone recommend any good texts? This is a wide-ranging inquiry, so all cultures and historical periods are welcome.
The other day, Mrs. Wazoo (who is not new to coffee) brewed a pot of the worst coffee that's ever existed, and we're baffled and disgusted the the fallout. It started innocently enough, with a bag of coffee from Four Barrel that smelled... well, like coffee. It did not end that way. Can you help us with any ideas about what could possibly have been the cause of this awful, awful thing? [more inside]
My brother in law just passed away suddenly from a brain hemorrhage in his mid 40's leaving a wife and young family. He was the sole wage earner and handled all of the family's financial matters. His wife has almost zero knowledge of what bank/stock accounts or loans he had setup. Help us pick up the various pieces - we have lots of questions. [more inside]
In one of the world's traditions (or maybe in fiction), there's the idea that death has 3 stages: first, the biological death of the physical body; second=??; and third, when the last person who, as a child, knew you, undergoes biological death. Would someone please refresh or correct my memory of this teaching?
My mom is entering her final stages of life. [more inside]
Dearest hive mind, kindly help me prepare a self-care kit or make survival plans for what will probably be the most brutal 6 months I have had in years. The good news: I have finally landed work. The bad news: My dad is in hospice out of state, my new contract job is 40 hours per week at the end of a long commute on one of those hated corporate buses that pick up workers in San Francisco and drop them off in Silicon Valley. Details below. [more inside]
I emailed my therapist for an appointment, and it bounced. When I googled her to see if contact info changed, the first link was her obit (Nov 2015). My therapist died. I just found out, and I am pretty wrecked. Thoughts? [more inside]
A friend's mother recently passed away after a fairly brief but intense battle with pancreatic cancer. My friend is the type of person who is comforted by reading about similar experiences and I think finding books about mother loss or the grief process in general might help her process some of her feelings. Please recommend any books you think could be useful, keeping in mind that her mom died only a few months ago, so it might be better to have more general books rather than intensely personal ones (although I'm not 100% sure about that).
How much disruption of my life is OK when it comes to caring for a dying parent? What if I just don't have it in me? [more inside]
The passing of the Thin White Duke has me mulling over last works and final days. What other artists made work about the premonition of death? [more inside]
This is my first experience with the death of a close family member. I feel a million things and it's all complicated being so far away and I don't know what to do. Snowflake details inside [more inside]
I spent a sizable portion of my adult life, a good 25 years, searching for a therapist who would truly understand me. In 2005, I did. After a a few years of not going, I went to see her again. As usual, she made me feel so much better that months passed before I called for another appointment. Then I learned she passed away suddenly. I honestly don't know what to do now. She had a private practice, so no colleagues, though I did reach out to a former associate of hers from a while back. I'm not sure if he's taking new clients, though. What are your suggestions? Any ideas would be much appreciated.
My grandmother is in hospice and my father will be inheriting the majority of her savings after she passes. He would like to give me a large-ish amount of money from this, but how does that work? [more inside]
After my mother died last fall, and my family having no money to bury her, it got me thinking about my own inevitable death someday. I know you can prepay for your funeral at actual funeral homes, but I never stay in one location more than 2-3 years. I have no idea where I'll be when I die. I've thought about life insurance, but I think that takes a while to pay out? Are there some options I'm missing?
After watching Ricardo Lockette get knocked terrifyingly unconscious in tonight's Seahawks/Cowboys game, and wondering for the eight minutes he was down if he was even alive*, I'm curious to know what the rules governing various high-level sports leagues are about continuing play in the event of the death of an athlete on the field. [more inside]
Are there any English-language translations of sources describing death by sayak (사약; 賜藥) poisoning in Korean history? I'm interested in what the effects of the poison were on the body.