802 posts tagged with death.
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My mother just died. Bank Account Concerns

My mother died this morning. I am a co-signatory on her bank account. I live in California. I need answers ASAP because I don't want her funds frozen once we file the death certificate. I have a few questions. [more inside]
posted by generic230 on Dec 1, 2016 - 21 answers

How to grieve for a pet from afar

My ex texted me yesterday to let me know that one of her cats -- whom I referred to as my step-cats whilst we were together -- was hit by a car yesterday. I'm devastated, though I haven't seen said cat for nearly a year, and I don't know how to process it properly. [more inside]
posted by six sided sock on Dec 1, 2016 - 11 answers

Dealing with estranged parent dying

I came here a while back with a question on dealing with my narcissistic father and have disengaged with my father for about a year or so. (The whole story is in that AskMe). Have you ever had to deal with a parent dying when you were estranged from them? How did it go? Do you have regrets if you stayed away? [more inside]
posted by GospelofWesleyWillis on Nov 27, 2016 - 36 answers

Dying grandparent, a toddler, and Thanksgiving

My father in law has end stage terminal cancer and intends to die at home--talking days/weeks. My wife and I will be going for a Thanksgiving visit in a couple of weeks with our 2.5 year old, who loves her grandfather very much. He is not going to be in good shape, and may well pass away while we're there. Help?! [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 18, 2016 - 28 answers

Mother dying -- please help me get stuff together.

My mother is in the hospital and unlikely to make it. I need to go back to the US and tie up everything. Help me make a checklist -- I have no one I can ask in the US for help. Have been googling, but don't want to miss anything. (I saw the list on the AARP website, but the stuff about wills and financial planners doesn't apply.) [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 10, 2016 - 14 answers

Help Me Conquer Fear, Death, and the Unknown!

I am interested in pursuing a career in grief counseling and want to hear from Mefis in similar work about the reality of accomplishing this. [more inside]
posted by Lipstick Thespian on Nov 4, 2016 - 4 answers

Named as executor, but with wrong name and there is little to administer

My elderly friend died last month. I am supposed to "handle" her affairs, but she had no property, not even a car and there is not that much to handle. Just the same, I would like to do what I am supposed to do correctly. [more inside]
posted by naplesyellow on Nov 3, 2016 - 10 answers

How can I support my girlfriend as she begins therapy?

She's never been and she wants to tackle a lot of deep issues. [more inside]
posted by morning_television on Oct 17, 2016 - 11 answers

Ideas for marking a one-year anniversary of death

I'm coming up on the one-year anniversary of my husband's death and am trying to figure out how to mark it without a grave or ashes and with my young daughter. [more inside]
posted by otherwordlyglow on Oct 4, 2016 - 34 answers

How should I best support my students?

I arrived at school this morning only to receive the news that no teacher ever wants to hear. One of my kind, sweet, thoughtful students committed suicide over the weekend. [more inside]
posted by WaspEnterprises on Oct 3, 2016 - 13 answers

Erasing myself from the narrative

I need a divorce from what's left of my family. I just can't figure out how to do it. The ending is the part I always thought would be easiest, but it turns out to be worse than the waiting part was. [more inside]
posted by kythuen on Sep 21, 2016 - 22 answers

Youth is wasted on the young...

How do I make peace with the fact that I will become old, and how do I make the most out of my twenties? [more inside]
posted by Crookshanks_Meow on Sep 9, 2016 - 59 answers

Managing the finances after the death of a spouse

I'm looking for software/app recommendations to help me manage my finances after my wife's death. [more inside]
posted by ralan on Sep 6, 2016 - 16 answers

Should I refund contributions for my cat's pancreatitis fundraiser?

We started a fundraiser to help pay for my kitty's hospitalization, but he died less than a day into the campaign. What do I do? [more inside]
posted by Menomena on Aug 27, 2016 - 23 answers

Guilt and sadness

About six weeks ago, a friend/ex-fwb wrote a facebook message to me that made me uncomfortable - it sexualized our friendship and didn't respect the boundaries I had set for it. This was after a few times when I had told him he was going too far, and I finally laid into him. 4 weeks later, he committed suicide. I have so many weird feelings about this, and I want advice about processing the death of someone and the guilt I feel about my last interactions with him. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 21, 2016 - 12 answers

Clearing out a late loved one's house

Those of you who have been in the unenviable position of clearing out the house of your late loved one, how did you go about it, and any tips for me? (Both practical and emotional.) [more inside]
posted by Ziggy500 on Aug 8, 2016 - 28 answers

Can I just quit my job to deal my extreme life changes?

In the past year, I have been treated for cancer and my husband died unexpectedly. With the exception of 4 weeks of FMLA earlier this summer, I have continued to work at my professional job with only a few days off here and there. I increasingly want to take some time for myself to figure out who I am now and what I want the second half of my life to look like. Is that terribly indulgent? Is this a thing people do? Will it completely torpedo my career? [more inside]
posted by jeoc on Aug 3, 2016 - 25 answers

Saving voicemails from the dead

My mother's husband has died, but we have his voice in her voice mailbox. We have Verizon and we'd like to leave. I know there's a way to download voice mails, but what is it? How do we do it? Please explain it to me like I'm five. I see there is a similar question from 2007, but surely things have changed since then.
posted by blnkfrnk on Jul 25, 2016 - 11 answers

My dad died and I don't want to do anything

My dad died. I have so much to do in the aftermath of his passing... but I just don't want to do anything. I've always been a procrastinator, but never to this degree. Please help me come up with a game plan. [more inside]
posted by Ziggy500 on Jul 25, 2016 - 14 answers

Life Lost

How I see myself has changed forever, since my dad passed away unnaturally. I don't feel like I deserve goodness. I am sure my relatives, his siblings may feel that way too. How to deal with this gruesome grief? [more inside]
posted by daveg02 on Jul 12, 2016 - 10 answers

Never go in against a cherry pit when death is on the line! Ha ha ha...

We're making BBQ sauce. Yay! A single cherry pit has been chopped up by a hand blender in an 8 quart pot of sauce. Boo! Should we toss this pot or will it be safe? [more inside]
posted by Mitheral on Jul 6, 2016 - 14 answers

Fly to see my dying dad? Or stay with my tiny baby?

My dad is dying of cancer. I live a very long way away and have a small baby with health complications who probably shouldn't be flying just yet. Should I go sooner to see my dad before he gets too bad and leave my little baby behind? Should I wait for the all clear to travel with the baby and risk my dad getting really sick or dying without me seeing him? [more inside]
posted by brambory on Jul 2, 2016 - 23 answers

I'm not ready to lose my father, I don't want to be alone

My father has been diagnosed with cancer and will probably die within the next year (two years if we're lucky), all I think about is about his impending death. I'm an only child and, to me, his death will mean that I'm completely alone in the world. I am so scared of losing him, but I am literally helpless. I feel like I'm waiting for him to die and I don't know how to cope with it. Any advice? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 2, 2016 - 12 answers

What's the story with my grandma?

My grandma is in her 90s and she broke her neck. I'm not sure I'm getting the story straight from my father so I just want to know what's going on and what to expect. What I know is inside. [more inside]
posted by aniola on Jun 25, 2016 - 13 answers

Dealing with Unexpected Death

Last week my Mom died very unexpectedly. It doesn't feel real. How can I start believing it so it doesn't crash in on me later? [more inside]
posted by aclevername on Jun 21, 2016 - 21 answers

Death and Taxes and Paperwork

What paperwork will the IRS accept that proves I am authorized to sign my deceased Mother's tax returns? [more inside]
posted by Thorzdad on Jun 17, 2016 - 6 answers

How to prevent online spending with Apple TV

I'm asking for a dying friend's caregiver. We want to give him his Apple TV, but are concerned about the potential for online spending (and exposure to fraud). We want to figure out if it's possible to prevent online spending through Apple TV (or another platform). I know there are parental locks possible, but I think that will mean he can't purchase movies and music, which we'd like to allow. [more inside]
posted by Gorgik on Jun 8, 2016 - 12 answers

Surviving pain, physical and psychological

I'm in a shitty life situation I have no control over and cannot escape. I am also dealing with the flare up (obviously stress related) of a chronic illness. I wake up crying from stress, can barely keep food down, and shuffle through each day trying to get to go back to bed and be unconscious for a while. I don't know how to cope with this pain. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 1, 2016 - 12 answers

So Much Anger-Don't Know What To Do

For the single year that my brother was alive, my Dad ran off and left our family. Now my Dad insists on sending the family notices on the anniversary of my brother's death. This is so painful, how can I make it stop? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 1, 2016 - 36 answers

Help me help my favourite person.

How can I help a young child who has recently lost a parent? [more inside]
posted by futureisunwritten on May 26, 2016 - 21 answers

Grief at work

How the fuck do I handle grief and grief police? [more inside]
posted by vers on May 22, 2016 - 24 answers

Help us manage kitty's end-of-life.

How can we manage our kitty's end-of-life well, and help our 10-year-old daughter cope? (Recs for age-appropriate, non-religious books on separation, loss, sickness, or death welcome.) [more inside]
posted by moira on May 12, 2016 - 24 answers

How to be supportive, when I can't be there in person

My partner is going to visit his parent, who has cancer and is in palliative care in another city (and might die quite soon.) Due to my own health, I genuinely can't travel there with him. What are some ways to be supportive of my partner, when I can't be there in person?
posted by Sockpuppets 'R' Us on May 5, 2016 - 6 answers

How to support my grieving mother when I'm grieving too?

My mother is not coping well with my grandmother's impending death. My mother and I have a complicated and not particularly close relationship, and her coping style is hitting a lot of nerves about the crappier aspects of my childhood and I'm finding it really difficult to support her while keeping my own head above water. Any advice or stories from people who can relate would be appreciated. Wall of snowflakes below the cut. [more inside]
posted by hotcoroner on May 2, 2016 - 9 answers

How long should I stay with an ailing parent, if I'm deeply depressed?

...Jeez, even typing that sounds bad. My mother has been given 2-3 weeks to live, based on a diagnosis of Acute Leukemia. She's also got a compromised immune system, due to a liver transplant over 20 years ago. I flew out immediately when she was given the diagnosis, and it is now going in to our 3rd week. She's a fighter, and I knew that. But I'm a continent and several time zones away from my life and my job and so very depressed. She's still going strong - - tired, but strong. And I don't know what to do. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 1, 2016 - 23 answers

Paging Tolkien Nerds to the Green

I am trying to find a specific passage from The Return of the King in which Gandalf reassures Pippin about an impending battle by describing death as a passage to peaceful land to include in a memorial service program. [more inside]
posted by jeoc on Apr 30, 2016 - 4 answers

How to start caring again

He died and I'm feeling stuck. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 25, 2016 - 14 answers

Catastrophizing about what could be a catastrophe

The next week is going to be a rough one for me. My father is going in for cancer tests this week. He'll be seeing a oncologist on Friday before getting a biopsy for what could possibly be lung cancer on Tuesday. He clearly hasn't been diagnosed with anything yet (so who knows, it could be nothing, I guess), but I have been a wreck since Monday. I cannot stop imagining the worst case scenario. I am so afraid of my father being seriously ill and dying and these thoughts are just consuming me. I am completely petrified. How can I cope with this uncertainty? And if the news is bad, can I even survive? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 21, 2016 - 24 answers

What do you say to your parents when their friends start dying?

This past week, an old family friend passed away. This lady was a contemporary of my mom (they were friends/peers) and her passing was very sudden. She's super freaked out about this, and I have literally no idea what to say. [more inside]
posted by Medieval Maven on Apr 18, 2016 - 19 answers

How to gain access to deceased spouse safety deposit box?

Hello, all. My grandfather passed away a few months ago and he has some bank accounts and safety deposit boxes for which my grandmother has no access. [more inside]
posted by tellUwut on Apr 16, 2016 - 13 answers

Whose famous last "words" were a punctuation mark?

I recall reading, some years ago, about a semi-famous intellectual--I believe it was a philosopher, or theologian, or author--who, on his/her deathbed, wrote a single punctuation mark as his/her last "words." The mark was either a comma or a semicolon, if I recall correctly. No matter how hard I try, I can't find the answer via Google.
posted by duffell on Apr 15, 2016 - 9 answers

Anthropomorphic animal picture books about death for a toddler?

Grandma died. Grandma was a huge part of my daughter's life. My daughter is 9, but brain damage makes her like a 2-year-old. My daughter prefers to talk about sad/scary things via anthropomorphic animals in picture books. ("Scared like Piglet." "Sad like Franklin.") Any suggestions for a book with animals about death that covers everything simply - sickness, hospital, death, funeral, sadness, saying goodbye, comfort?
posted by clawsoon on Apr 7, 2016 - 8 answers

Mass cards for United Methodists?

My wife's grandfather just passed. I asked for an address where to send a mass card, and she had no idea what I was talking about. I thought this was a common thing to send to the family of the deceased. Some further investigation revealed that mass cards are a strictly Catholic thing, and not all Christian religions use them. My wife's parents attend a United Methodist church, so I figure it is safe to assume that is their religion. So what do United Methodists do for funerals?
posted by tckma on Apr 1, 2016 - 11 answers

My mother died almost a month ago and I'm destroyed

After a losing battle with cancer, my mother died March 3rd at the age of 63. Grieving is bad enough but my situation has gotten more complicated and I am hoping you can help me. [more inside]
posted by shesbenevolent on Mar 29, 2016 - 18 answers

Dead vermin, trash not getting picked up for a week?

I found a dead rat today, and the trash had literally been picked up hours before. So now I'm going to have a (double bagged, disgusting vermin) sitting in my trash can for a week while the temperatures get well into the "make dead things smell very very dead" levels. Is there anything I can do to stop my trash cans from smelling like death for weeks?
posted by aspo on Mar 29, 2016 - 17 answers

Resources for dealing with the loss of an alcoholic parent

My father is in end-stage liver failure due to alcoholism, and I'm having trouble finding good books/websites/forums/etc. for dealing with the emotional component of this situation. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 28, 2016 - 10 answers

Letter of appreciation to teacher with late-stage cancer?

I recently discovered that my inspirational secondary school art teacher, Mr W, has lung cancer. Reports from my family suggest that it could be late-stage and not being treated, though his wife says they are 'staying positive'. Can I convey my thanks and best wishes without intruding at this time? [more inside]
posted by doornoise on Mar 21, 2016 - 14 answers

Help sort out dying grandma's finances and insurance

My grandma is on her death bed. Grandpa is still alive but mostly incompetent. We're trying to figure out what insurance they might have (and if it's current) and where their money is so we can pay for medical bills, impending funeral, home care, etc. Is there a way to search for this type of stuff by name or SSN? Not necessarily online, but perhaps through national databases accessible to insurance agents or bank managers or government agencies.
posted by buckaroo_benzai on Mar 20, 2016 - 13 answers

Book recommendation on funerary and memorial practices

I'm interested in learning more about funerary rituals and memorials for the dead in different cultures. Can anyone recommend any good texts? This is a wide-ranging inquiry, so all cultures and historical periods are welcome.
posted by orrnyereg on Mar 17, 2016 - 4 answers

What the hell was in that coffee?

The other day, Mrs. Wazoo (who is not new to coffee) brewed a pot of the worst coffee that's ever existed, and we're baffled and disgusted the the fallout. It started innocently enough, with a bag of coffee from Four Barrel that smelled... well, like coffee. It did not end that way. Can you help us with any ideas about what could possibly have been the cause of this awful, awful thing? [more inside]
posted by TheNewWazoo on Mar 14, 2016 - 9 answers

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