715 posts tagged with death.
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Surrounded by loving family . . . really?

Another morbid funeral question: Is it "understood" that when an obituary says someone died "surrounded by his/her loving family" that the mourners may or may not have been present around the deathbed? [more inside]
posted by Elsie on May 28, 2015 - 30 answers

Horse tracks that allow interments in the U.S.?

What horse track in the U.S. can I sprinkle or inter my father-in-law's ashes at? Santa Anita would be perfect, but any horse track would do. [more inside]
posted by OrangeDisk on May 24, 2015 - 3 answers

Need help making plans for my possible death

I am making plans for my loved ones in case I die. I know the coroner will take my body away, but I'm afraid there will be an awful mess left behind. How do other people handle this? I don't want my loved ones to have to clean it up. [more inside]
posted by Cinnamon Bear on May 22, 2015 - 15 answers

Family abandon me when I was at my lowest point. Should I cut them off?

My mother passed away last year of April and as a result I had a mental breakdown. I wasn't myself..I had overwhelming grief and I was in a deep depression. Mind you I was in a deep depression and calling out for help..my family abandon and basically treated me like a black sheep. [more inside]
posted by TheBronxGirl on May 21, 2015 - 31 answers

The worms crawl in and the worms crawl out

I am having a weird symptom lately that I don't know whether to attribute to depression, anxiety, or aging. Namely, I can't stop thinking about death and dying. I'm 26 and I am constantly thinking about how I could die at any moment and time is running out for me (and my loved ones). [more inside]
posted by easter queen on May 8, 2015 - 10 answers

What do I do with someone else’s memories?

I have in my possession my dead stepmother’s baby photos, photos of her beloved mother, her lovingly constructed scrapbook of awards, school reports, diplomas, etc. She has no one left behind to whom I can give these items, not a single family member, not a single friend. While her items have no intrinsic sentimental value for me, I also feel really weird about just throwing them away. What do I do? [more inside]
posted by Ink-stained wretch on May 4, 2015 - 43 answers

Out of morbid curiosity...

A friend tells me that there are few if any family-owned funeral parlors left in the US. Although nearly all funeral parlors appear to be small establishments, they are in fact operated by large corporations. The reason they maintain the family business atmosphere is because people don't want a big company dealing with their loved ones' remains. Is it true?
posted by stinker on Apr 24, 2015 - 14 answers

Can I send a condolence card under these circumstances?

I just found out that a colleague of mine from a while ago died suddenly. I'd like to send a condolence card to her brother, but I'm not sure it's appropriate. Snowflakes inside. [more inside]
posted by holborne on Apr 12, 2015 - 22 answers

Not my debt, not my problem.

So, you all have been very helpful when it came to the Life Insurance question. Good news! I found a policy! Bad news! It's so small that it barely covers the cremation expenses, of which I paid out of pocket. I've now tallied up his assets and his debts, and the debts far outweigh the assets. Like, there'll be enough to recoup my costs for the cremation, but really not a lot else. Now, I know that I'm not liable for his debts, but how do I communicate to the creditors that the Estate is Insolvent, and consequently they're not getting paid? [more inside]
posted by spinifex23 on Apr 6, 2015 - 4 answers

I need perspective on the dread I feel about how short life is.

Can you set me straight about the urge I get to control my husband's eating and exercise habits? [more inside]
posted by Tarumba on Mar 30, 2015 - 31 answers

death of a grandparent

My father was just given a very bleak prognosis. Of all the things that are upsetting, I am most distraught by the thought that my toddler will not remember my father. I am pregnant and there is a chance that my son (due in June) will never even meet my dad. I'm looking for advice on how to manage my sadness about this. [more inside]
posted by avocado_of_merriment on Mar 24, 2015 - 26 answers

Dealing with grief and stupid things people say

My grandmother passed away last week. The viewing and funeral have already been held. I am now trying to deal with people who mean well, but say some incredibly dumb things. What are some good tactics? [more inside]
posted by intheigloo on Mar 14, 2015 - 24 answers

Can you file travel insurance claim based on pending death of loved one?

Overseas travel set to start March 24. Travel insurance cautiously purchased at time of booking non-refundable air and hotel in November. And now ... [more inside]
posted by John Borrowman on Feb 22, 2015 - 3 answers

How do I track down a death certificate?

I recently found out that a friend from back in my college days died eleven years ago, but I can't figure out where, or what happened, just a date. How can I find more information? [more inside]
posted by theatro on Feb 10, 2015 - 7 answers

Seeking comfort and grace, not depression and sorrow

The last of my grandparents just passed away (it was peaceful and expected) but I'm struggling to hold myself together. I think my grieving is normal since it just happened but I'd love to hear advice and techniques to think of his life and death in positive, comforting ways. [more inside]
posted by wannabecounselor on Jan 27, 2015 - 10 answers

What books should a dying person read?

My father and step-father (both in their seventies) are nearing the end of their lives, and I want to give them books to read in the time they have left. I'm not looking for anything that's necessarily literally on the topic of death, nor anything religious or self-help-ish. I'm looking for books suitable for a person with limited ability to concentrate due to pain/fatigue, that run the gamut from pleasant & not inappropriate, to ones that will provoke reflection and help them come to terms with dying. Please help with your recommendations. [more inside]
posted by Susan PG on Jan 6, 2015 - 23 answers

Why yes, it's because of Hogfather. Why do you ask?

How does Death speak in Discworld translations into non-alphabetical scripts? [more inside]
posted by DoctorFedora on Dec 25, 2014 - 6 answers

How to notify online contacts of a death?

I need to notify someone's online contacts that they passed away. Complications below. [more inside]
posted by mordax on Dec 25, 2014 - 7 answers

googling "poems about death??"

What's the name of this contemporary poem about death and uniqueness? Details I'm sure about: the poem was fairly short, fairly contemporary. It was about how upon death, the world would lose the small, unique details of a person (their laugh, way of speaking, etc.) and would have to remember them. It was literary and not too obscure. The mood was warm and melancholic. [more inside]
posted by glass origami robot on Dec 19, 2014 - 4 answers

Tell me about your experiences running Estate Sales or having one

I have been going to a number of estate sales lately, and they always vary so much. I have a number of questions about structure and what-not, and I am hoping that people who either have run them, have worked for companies that have run them, or have used companies to run them, might be able to help me. [more inside]
posted by Slinga on Dec 17, 2014 - 8 answers

Should I encourage or redirect my little kid's interest in death?

She is a happy and healthy three-year-old who is very curious and bright, and one of her growing interests is death and horror. Currently, we redirect to less morbid topics, but with the comparatively same level of interest in for ballet, we've got books and ballet costumes and play ballet music and have taken her to watch ballet classes, etc, so we're uncertain how to handle this goth phase from our own biases. [more inside]
posted by viggorlijah on Dec 15, 2014 - 31 answers

Please help ID a novel about a woman who was in a magdalen laundry.

I read the book about 6 or 7 years ago and it was to do with a woman in her late 40's to 50's who became pregnant when she was a teenager and was sent to a Magdalen laundry type place where she stayed for a quite a long time. After she left she became a midwife. [more inside]
posted by h00py on Dec 12, 2014 - 7 answers

Names on remarried mother's headstone

I am trying to figure out the best way to name my recently deceased mother on her gravestone. I would like my father's name to be included but I would also like to be respectful of my step-father and of my mother's marriage to him. [more inside]
posted by fries on Nov 25, 2014 - 24 answers

Please help this not happen to me.

My dad passed away recently. He was not yet 70, not in great health but nothing severe that we knew of. As far as we can tell, he was probably gone for about a week before his landlord noticed his rent was late. This is literally keeping me up at night--I also live alone, and I'm pretty sure it's going to stay that way for the foreseeable future, so how do I make sure that if something like this happens to me, I'm at least discovered promptly? [more inside]
posted by Sequence on Nov 10, 2014 - 28 answers

Grieving a mentor

A mentor of mine passed away pretty suddenly a few weeks ago. I attended her funeral, cried, wrote out some of my thoughts, and think about her from time to time while listening to music that reminds me of her. This isn't affecting my daily function, but it has been on the back burner for a while. Now what? [more inside]
posted by gemutlichkeit on Oct 31, 2014 - 8 answers

How do I overcome the grief from my cat's death

What books/activities/other resources will help me get past this horrible sadness. [more inside]
posted by Librarypt on Oct 10, 2014 - 39 answers

Not My Grandma

My husband's grandparent died. I'm wondering if I'm behaving in a decent way and need some advice. [more inside]
posted by Fairchild on Oct 5, 2014 - 15 answers

Helping my mum cope with my father's death

My father passed away two days ago of a sudden heart attack. I'm in my late twenties and wondering how to go about supporting my mother through this nightmare. [more inside]
posted by miaow on Oct 1, 2014 - 20 answers

How to prepare a kid for a funeral?

Having not dealt with close family death often, i'm a little concerned about how to prepare my 12 yo daughter for the service etc. Thoughts? [more inside]
posted by j_curiouser on Sep 29, 2014 - 28 answers

How do we best donate to the family of a deceased colleague?

A friend and colleague recently passed away leaving behind two very young children. Although she did not have a substantial income, she was by far the primary wage earner for her household. Many of us at work and elsewhere are interested in contributing to the immediate support of her family and the future education of her children. Does anyone have suggestions about what the best mechanism(s) would be for doing this? Our office is in Maryland, and she and her family were residents as well.
posted by procrastination on Sep 10, 2014 - 8 answers

Inheritance Tax on estimated value of photo negatives left behind? WUTT?

An acquaintance's brother-in-law, a retired photojournalist (Newsweek, Time), has left specific instructions to destroy his negatives after his death so his family won't be hit by US inheritance taxes on the estimated market value of the collection. He sells through Getty and Polaris so this is a valid financial threat (he believes). Kinda sad, I think. He did a close up and personal pictorial project with a young Bob Dylan living in New York, and these rare shots would be destroyed, along with... [more inside]
posted by spock on Sep 10, 2014 - 24 answers

Is there a Doggy Undertaker?

Our 17 year-old Shepherd-Husky mix, Gertrude, was diagnosed with lymphoma earlier this summer. Given her condition and advanced age, I worry that one day I'll come home from work or downstairs in the morning and find that she's passed. I've been fretting about what to do with her body, should this occur. [more inside]
posted by sarajane on Sep 9, 2014 - 24 answers

How do I leave a message to be read after my death?

I am writing a letter, which I would like to keep secret until after my death. In the movies it seems so easy, but how would one really go about doing it? [more inside]
posted by Myeral on Sep 5, 2014 - 11 answers

Is it weird to cry at a funeral/memorial?

A not very close family member recently died and I would like to attend their memorial. However, I know that I will cry during the memorial and I feel weird about that. [more inside]
posted by chaiminda on Sep 1, 2014 - 32 answers

Death, Dying and processing things as a five year old.

Help me talk to my five year old child about death age appropriately. We've talked about Fred Rogers. We've talked his feelings. We've talked about what he knows about it. He's concerned because his great-aunt died about a month ago, and now he wants to make sure we'll always be there. The problem is, in very short time his grandfather, my dad, won't. [more inside]
posted by Nanukthedog on Aug 30, 2014 - 12 answers

Deathbed support for 30 year old friend - what can we do?

A dear friend (female, early 30s) is at the end of her battle with cancer. Our circle of close friends is spread out all over the country. We've been sending gifts, visiting, pooling money together for cleaning and dog walking, etc for a year. But we're in the final month or two, she's in pain (just now starting to turn to palliative care) and I'd love some ideas on how we can support her and her husband. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 29, 2014 - 14 answers

Actuarial Burial

I'm looking for a table that shows crude death rates in the United States, broken down by race (or at least Black and White), preferably going back to 1960 (the first year records were kept). Anyone know where to find such a thing?
posted by matkline on Aug 15, 2014 - 3 answers

Grief and the elderly

How do the elderly process loss? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 31, 2014 - 16 answers

Help me make the most of the time my mother has left.

My mother has terminal cancer, and I don't know how much time she has left. Others with experience losing a parent: what would I regret not doing with this time? [more inside]
posted by joan cusack the second on Jul 28, 2014 - 27 answers

Looking for good grief support groups in NYC

My friend's Dad died earlier this year, and she's working through it. She wants to find a good grief support group in New York, preferably in lower Manhattan or Brooklyn. She works a lot, and the few she knows about meet in times when she just can't go. [more inside]
posted by WStraub on Jul 23, 2014 - 1 answer

Why did my cat die?

I found my cat dead under my car and I am trying to find out why. [more inside]
posted by mermily on Jul 22, 2014 - 19 answers

Relief for the bereaved

My mom died two weeks ago. It was from a fast growing lymphoma - was sudden and unexpected. She was an incredibly healthy person leading up to about the year before her death - no vices at all, exercised religiously, and maintained a very healthy lifestyle. Question revolves around help for coping with this loss, potential near-future loss of father, and changes in live. [more inside]
posted by dmbfan93 on Jul 5, 2014 - 12 answers

Poem (Rimbaud?) about young soldiers' blood in summer fields

I read this poem years ago, and I'm pretty sure it's by Rimbaud, but I can't find it on Google. I think it starts out by describing a beautiful summer landscape, perhaps some wheat fields in France, and then it turns darker and describes dead young WW1 soldiers who lie there bleeding. Which poem is this?
posted by mbrock on Jun 29, 2014 - 6 answers

My dog is dead, and I'm a mess

What can I do in the short and long-term to process and cope with my dog's death? [more inside]
posted by ablazingsaddle on Jun 27, 2014 - 44 answers

how can I support a close friend with a terminal illness

A close, long time friend just got the C word from his doctor. This is not a good prognosis, it's perhaps weeks/months to live. He and his family are more than likely going through various stages of fear and emotional paralysis, just my assumption as I've yet to speak with them personally, just got the news. How can I best support them from a distance? [more inside]
posted by diode on Jun 25, 2014 - 21 answers

The Name as Subject Line==Severe Stuff convention: how did it start?

So I've noticed a convention that using someone's name--and only their name--as the subject line in the email message means that something pretty severe has happened to them. Like, if Jane Bloggs had a healthy baby, the subject line would be something like "Jane had a baby!", but if the subject line was just "Jane" or "Jane Bloggs" or "Aunt Jane" (assuming I'm Jane's nephew) then either Jane or her baby or both would be in the (N)ICU or more likely the morgue. I'm wondering where this started. Any help?
posted by tellumo on Jun 17, 2014 - 18 answers

What progressive social justice organizations should I will my money to?

I'm writing my will, and I'm planning to donate pretty much my entire estate. Places on my radar are: ACLU, Planned Parenthood, and Lambda Legal. I know there are tons of other great organizations out there, but I don't know who they are, so please tell me about them. I am interested in anything progressive/social justice-y.
posted by (Over) Thinking on Jun 14, 2014 - 29 answers

Panleukopenia outbreak in our house. What now?

My fiancé and I foster homeless kittens and cats in our house as volunteers for a local cat shelter. Panleukopenia just hit us hard, killing all of our fosters, making us really depressed, and now we don't know what to do. Any advice? [more inside]
posted by ashtabula to opelika on Jun 3, 2014 - 12 answers

How can I take over a car loan after the death of a relative?

It's okay with the estate, but now I need to deal with the car company. How do I make sure that I can take over the car loan of a dead relative in order to keep the (sentimental) car, keeping in mind bad credit and not enough money to pay it off entirely? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 20, 2014 - 10 answers

How to find death information for deceased family members?

I have deceased family members who came to America a few decades ago and died, but would not have been on Social Security rolls. A living family member wants me to find out where they are buried. How to do this? [more inside]
posted by corb on May 6, 2014 - 13 answers

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