After seeing this comment, I would like to ask: How do you say "no" to someone you do kinda want to have sex with?
I'm interested in dating an acquaintance, but don't know if he's interested in me, or if he already gave me the brush-off. [more inside]
What are the best ways to politely decline people on internet dating sites? [more inside]
I’m a 31 year-old female. About 9 months ago, a 2-year relationship ended. I’m still struggling a lot with it. How abnormal is this, and what else can I do? [more inside]
What does the process of finding a life partner look like? [more inside]
In a dating scenairo, when a girl respond to a guy's request for a date with a nonspecific "maybe some other time," does it actually means "No"? [more inside]
I grew up in a lower-middle-class family. Through a combination of hard work, opportunity and luck, I find myself in my 30's with a very decent net worth. It's enough to allow me to feel very secure about retirement, job/career changes, health issues, supporting family, etc. and this security is probably the most important aspect of money to me. For me, money means security, safety, freedom. I maintain a very middle-class lifestyle, continue to work full-time and save at a reasonable rate. I've started to realize how much this factors into my thinking about long term relationships, especially marriage (and its attendant family joining) and financial co-mingling, and am looking for some perspectives on positive ways of managing these kinds of issues. [more inside]
I'm on the brink of 25 and I have never had much of a social life. How can I confidently go forward with my life? I'm really terrified of starting, but I know I have to. [more inside]
I took a 6 month break from dating to do some soul searching and reevaluate my skewed relationships with men. Along the way, I met some awesome dudes, each of whom I'd be interested in dating. I've developed solid friendships and strong feelings with each of them. Now my self-imposed love sabbatical is over and I'm not sure how to transition smoothly back into the dating world [more inside]
I'm interested in the male experience when it comes to this popular dating site. [more inside]
I dated someone who harmed me. What can, or should, I do to prevent him from hurting others the same way? [more inside]
I've been seeing someone semi-casually for about five months -- not quite a proper relationship, but definitely not just casually dating either. Recently I met someone else whom I now want to date exclusively. What's the script for this? [more inside]
I'm seeing a guy who hasn't done much dating. I can't tell how much of our dynamic is his lack of familiarity with dating, how much is just differences in our relationship preferences, and how much might be differences in upbringing. So what I need are some tools for figuring that out. Without using the phrase "Love Languages." [more inside]
Two people hit it off online. within the span of 24 hours, one of them gets her assistant to contact the other to organise meet-up details, claims that cars are booked for travel and that their airfare is booked - and then suddenly has died from being hit by a car. Is this a well-documented scam? [more inside]
Got an email from someone I dated very briefly, some time ago, which unsettled me. I have not replied, and don't want to, but I still feel somewhat guilty about ignoring/blocking this person. Please help me walk the line between "honoring my inner Gavin de Becker" and "being kind of an asshole to someone." [more inside]
I'm on OkCupd, and I've been chatting with someone who seems pretty cool and cute. We made plans to meet on Sunday, but she said she was busy but wanted to meet up later. I had a free ticket to a movie yesterday, so I asked if she wanted to come out. Again, busy, so I said "Hey, I'm free on Thursday and Sunday if you want to meet, but if not it's cool". I got a message back saying "I did want to, just got busy. Not into the attitude though so lets leave it there." The logical thing is just to leave it at that and not pursue her any more, but part of me wants to try and figure out if I can fix my mistake and at least meet up for a coffee to see if there's any chemistry there. Is it possible?
I’ve had a small crush on a co worker that later turned into a pretty big one. It’s gotten to the point where I couldn’t get her off my mind and it was hard focusing on school work. I’m 25 and haven’t had much dating experience. In my younger years, middle school throughout high school, I had self esteem issues with being overweight and then with acne. I’ve come here seeking advice from a wide verity of experiences of both genders. I found a similar case to mine on here and found the answers very useful so I hope to get great advice from this community. I apologize in advance for a long winded background story but I wanted to make sure I get enough information out to aid you guys. [more inside]
I met a girl through some friends abou 10 days ago. Afterwords I friended her on Facebook and we have been talking quite a bit. I am interested in getting to know her better and maybe dating her. Yesterday I asked her to get coffee with me and she agreed. The thing I'm not really clear on here is if I should pay for the her coffee or should I let her pay for her own?
I've been single forever. I'm dipping my toe back into dating. I worry that people, particularly nice people whom I'd like to date, are going to think I'm weird for having been single so long. IS it even weird? [more inside]
I kinda think the dude likes me but I'm not sure and I'm tired of waiting to find out [more inside]
I've recently been told that I act boyish by several people and I do not entirely understand what this means nor can anyone who has said this actually explain it well (versus being "a man"). I'm an adult male, and understand that this kind of behavior may be an obstacle to dating women and finding a girlfriend. I tend to joke around a lot (especially with women), but a lot of people joke around, so it's difficult for me to equate joking around with boyishness. I also laugh a lot. One female friend said that I'm like "a little boy" and that she felt comfortable talking to me(otherwise she has almost no other male friends). I have a job, my own place to live, no roommates, a car. All adult, responsible things so I can't see these comments about being boyish related to lacking responsibility. Does anyone have any specific examples of behaviors, ways of interacting, or conversations that they consider to be boyish? Thanks for your help
I used to be happily single. I hardly ever got crushes on anyone and wasn't really bothered by my lack of a dating life. For the last six months, however, I've been in a new and unusual situation where I'm meeting lots of great guys, and I've been getting serial crushes - something totally new to me. Even though they aren't particularly deep crushes, it's gotten to the point where "must. date. guy. now." seems to be constantly buzzing around in the back (or front) of my mind. Unfortunately, circumstances are such that it seems that 1) I am unlikely to actually get a date, and 2) even if I could get the dating life I want, pursuing it at this point might not be advisable. How can I stop being so hung up on my desire to be dating someone? Alternatively, are my concerns unwarranted and should I try pursuing dates more actively? Details/complications within. [more inside]
I met this guy who approached me on an internet dating site (I am guy as well). I didn't find him physically attractive, but he seemed nice, we had a lot in common, and go to the same college, so I met up (I told him I wasn't really looking for a relationship at the time and just wanted to be friend). We met twice, and had a good time (as friends). He was cool, although we really didn't click like soul mates. I'm pretty sure he's interested in something more, but I'm definitely not. He wants to get together again, but I'm really conflicted about what to do. [more inside]
I recently dated this guy whom I have to admit I liked him a lot for the sex in spite of everything else I hated about him. He is your definition of a player, he is hot and cold, talks to you one weekend, and not talk to you the next. After three months of hot and cold behaviors, I have finally decided to let him go but inside I am still hurting. Any heart to heart advice? [more inside]
I'm in a great new relationship, yay! It's been about 4 months. I like her. She likes me. But I am a classic anxiously attached type, and I would like your advice on how to cope with the "omg what will I do when she figures out I'm a loser and she dumps me and why didn't she call last night and she seemed annoyed when I said that and omg what if she doesn't like me anymore" feeling. [more inside]
I have been dating a man for just over a month that I met online. He is 41 and I am 33. He is simply lovely: kind, attentive, complimentary, generous, funny, smart, gainfully employed, family oriented and wants children, likes me a lot, socially/environmentally conscientious, cooks well, nice sense of style, has friends, etc. And, I'm not very physically attracted to him. I am 5'2" and his profile says he is 5'7" but I think he exaggerated ~two inches and has a slight frame. He is very fit, but the cave woman in me seeks a more commanding physical partner. There are other things about his physicality and bedside manner that don't "do it" for me, either, but the main thing is that I just prefer bigger men. [more inside]
What should I do about the ex that haunts me? [more inside]
(Not overly timid, just tactful.) I -male, 30-would like to get to know better a coworker -female mid 30s- I find both good-hearted and attractive. We´ve chatted briefly a couple of times (our shifts at work overlap twice a week, late in the evening) and I've felt what might conceivably be chemistry and shared values/interests. I've also noticed she's gentle with basically everybody, and I would naturally prefer to avoid awkwardness should I have been mistaking workplace congeniality for potential romantic interest. Contextual limitations: There are no coffee or lunch breaks during the times we are both at the workplace. Based on some of her responses, she checks her mail around once a week at most. Dinner after work at a nearby place would be technically possible, but probably too forward a proposal for a first date. I´m interested in finding out whether she would be up for a one-on-one encounter, but I want to be specially tactful given the fact that 1) we´ll be seeing each other after the invitation/date. 2) there are normally colleagues overhearing us (just concerned about face-saving, dating is not against the rules here). How would you approach this situation? [more inside]
I recently met an amazing, smart woman. On our third date, I made a stupid comment that offended her. I made it worse by trying to cover myself. I really want to salvage this situation and see this woman again. [more inside]
Have you (or someone you know) been successful with individuals who are a low match for you on OKC? I consider low to be below '80% Match'. This is assuming you've both answered at least a 100 questions. Success I consider to be at least a few months of going out. I'm trying to get a sense of whether it is reasonable to ignore contact from low-matching individuals or if those scores are just meaningless once you get to know someone in person. Should you give that person a shot or is it a waste of time? I'm not so much concerned with the friend or enemy score.
I met a girl at a bar and I want to know how to avoid chatting with her all week before our first date. [more inside]
I can't tell if I’m overreacting/over analyzing because I've been single for so long. Do I just need time to adjust to being a couple? Should I just calm down and stick it out for awhile? [more inside]
So I met this guy online, we recently spoke over the phone for the first time and have spoken one other time after that. First conversation was about 20 minutes and the next was maybe 10 and took place this morning. We met on the type of dating site where people are matched for long-term relationships - what I'm trying to say here is we know we're not trying to just find friends. I am trying not to waste my time here and want to get to know what he is thinking so that if we're not on the same page I can move on, preferably before my membership online ends. [more inside]
What sweet or thoughtful things could I do for a single mom that I'm dating? [more inside]
I never initiate the texts except for a couple of times, but always reply and am nice and friendly. He texts me about anything, and usually sends funny images. He also hangs out with me randomly, for example yesterday I was giving out food for an event and he came without his friends to be with me. But he has made no moves other than that, as in no touching or complimenting me, but maybe he is not very good at flirting. I have had bad experiences when telling a guy first that I am interested. I don't like playing games, but I am wondering if I should be more challenging and mysterious? Does it seem like he is interested? He's been texting me for a month now. Thanks!
My head is a mess after seeing my ex tonight for the first time since we broke up, kissing her, and finding out she had a thing with another girl that never went anywhere. I'm hurt but doing okay, but I'm afraid that if I don't take some kind of action I'm going to get incredibly more hurt in the near future. But what do I do now? [more inside]
I'll try to be as brief and succinct as I can. Please bear with me. [more inside]
I've realized that I put my ex-girlfriend on a pedestal. I didn't realize it because I thought it was best to think of someone before yourself, to think of their needs/wants first, to see the good in them, negotiate on the things that don't work but as i read more about this pedestal, I'm certain i do this and getting confused on where/how to draw lines. I'm not sure how to approach this issue in a healthy way. And now that she is on that pedestal...how do i get her off or avoid this with the next girl. I'm looking for real strategies, interventions and hacks that i can practice. Specific examples are also very helpful (like he said this, I said that). Cds, books, videos that can change my perception also helpful. thanks.
Someone I know is dating his aunt's(dad's sister) grand daughter. Age difference 6 years. And spoke to me about this, I mentioned I am not sure about the custom. They both have higher education, have good job and decent family people. What would their relationship be second cousin once removed? Is it socially/religiously accepatable if they end up in altar, have kids etc?
I had few men reject me lately and it has really done a number on my self-esteem. I don't really know how it works for other people, but I can never seem to get even close to who I want. [more inside]
I like a PhD student at university, who sat next to me a couple months ago in a cafe on campus and started talking to me. He is in an open relationship, so although he is free to be with girls, I told him I don't want to hook up with him. He said he still wants to be friends, but has been texting me everyday since. I enjoy his company, and want to be his friend but I don't know if this amount of communication is wrong for his 'girlfriend', and if he is interested in me. [more inside]
I (30) met this woman (35) at a work-related meeting ten days ago. We were in a small group (2 men, 2 women), and chatted briefly. Among a few other things, she asked me if I was married and had children (no to both). She is divorced and told us (most of the interaction was with the group) that she was on her own, and had to work really hard to support herself and her two young children. She seems a very loving mother, in addition to an attractive and easygoing person. Before leaving she asked me (and the other guy) for our email addresses and told me she would send me a facebook friend request. This didn´t mean much in itself, as we might conceivably need to get in touch for work-related issues. Later that evening I see and accept her fb friend request, and we chatted for a few minutes. [more inside]
There are a lot of questions on here about early dating warning signs, but I'm curious to know what are some early dating positive signs that people have gathered in their relationships for picking out emotionally healthy partners. I'm particularly interested in men who fit this profile. Because I grew up in a dysfunctional family sometimes a good man seems like an elusive creature, and it's hard for me to even visualize how he would appear or come across at the beginning.
How often should I expect to not click with someone? How often should I expect to not hear from the person again? [more inside]
This has been happening for a few years now, where I fall for somebody emotionally unavailable, or already in a relationship and they do not tell me until much later. It has happened every single time with men that show interest in me and it is very upsetting as it makes me feel worthless or only second best. I feel like going on a break from men, even though it would technically be a break from nothing. [more inside]
I met and had a great conversation with a beautiful woman on public transit but I blanked when the time came to get her contact info. I'm about to facebook message her... How should I put this? Full explanation inside. [more inside]
I'm 30 years old. I really want a long-term relationship that will lead to marriage. I've been on eHarmony for the past few months and am starting to get frustrated at the general lack of response from men my age. On those sites, I get a lot of people who check out my profile but don't respond. I initiated contact with more than 20 guys I found interesting, but only got a response back from one. And he suddenly stopped communicating halfway through our "guided communication" phase. Sure, he could have found someone else, or decided online dating wasn't for him, I totally understand. It's just disheartening when the only guy who responds closes me as a match. I tweak my profile on a regular basis and update my photos but nothing I do seems to bring more response from men. [more inside]
We met when I was there. We dated when I was there. Now he's coming here. And I'm freaking out (a shmear). [more inside]
I am only approached by men who are much older than me. I approach men my age, and it doesn't go so well. How do I stop this? [more inside]
I'm a boy who wants to make out with other boys. Problem is, I'm bothered by the culture of some of the more popular online options (e.g. Grindr). What are my options? [more inside]