I am having trouble understanding how matches are formed. If I am bisexual and it shows me pictures of people of both genders, does that mean or imply those people are interested in people of my gender, or does it just randomly show men and women when both are selected? Is the pool of people I am shown a pool of people who already said they liked me first and then people who haven't been asked only after those people? Does it ever show me a picture of someone who has already specifically said they don't like me? And along the same lines, does it sometimes (as it seems) show me a bunch of people who haven't yet had the opportunity to thumbs up or thumbs down me, and if they do thumbs me up, will it then tell me and them we matched at the same time? Thank you. Postscript: Also - why so many matches and so few people initiating conversation?
If you come off as dumb and/or uninformed in social situations, how do you correct this? [more inside]
I met a lovely woman and I'd like to talk about making the relationship more serious, but I'm completely clueless about norms around this relationship stuff. [more inside]
I had an IUD (Mirena) inserted about a month ago. I recently met someone new (yay!), he's great (yay!), and it seems that sexytimes are soon to be had (yay!). I think I need to talk with him about my IUD, though, and I don't know how. [more inside]
For the past two years, I've developed an very stable and satisfying dating style that suits me for the time being - I maintain a certain emotional distance and all of my sexual relations fall very easily in the platonic category - I've thus far avoided any complications. However, I was completely startled when a friend I had expected to sleep with ended up being intensely sweet and now my system is a bit shaken up. I'm not sure how much to give in to this feeling I'm having for him. In a way, I can't remember what's normal to be feeling in these situations. [more inside]
Seeking recommendations on dating advice for men, unfortunately that entire genre seems to be dominated by "Pick Up Artists" and other assorted misogynist douchebags. Is there any advice to be found out there which comes from a viewpoint which respects women and men? Bonus points if it makes an inspirational case for why one should bother in the first place. [more inside]
This terrifies me a little bit...but I was wondering if you lovely people could take a look at my profile and let me know what you think of it. See anything I should improve? (I'm a woman looking to date women.) [more inside]
Can these conversational hiccups be saved? [more inside]
So it's been awhile since I've used OKC, just reactivated the profile, and it's now past due for an overhaul. [more inside]
I asked a boy out! And he said yes! But then he didn't respond when I tried to nail down the details. What should I do now? [more inside]
I am in a new relationship, and it's very much in the honeymoon phase. This person is amazing and awesome and it feels like I'm getting to know the best friend I never knew I had. This new relationship is very promising, and I would like to avoid all the bad relationship habits/mistakes I've made in the past (mostly around becoming complacent, no longer working on myself, not being as ambitious etc.). What is your advice and personal experience with this? [more inside]
This is mainly for my much younger sister although it might be relevant for little oink someday ... For the first time she has several people interested in her (they have said so). She asks me for advice. She seems flattered by the attention but not sure how to proceed. They are all good friends. I don't know what to say. Hovering between an unrealistic desire to keep her from getting hurt (don't first relationships often?) and the recognition she has a good head thus trusting her decision. Is there some basic dos and donts?
I'm a woman that just made a new OK Cupid account after a long hiatus. The amount of messages I'm getting are abysmal compared to when I was on the site six months ago. What am I doing wrong? [more inside]
How do I know if I am in love "enough" with my partner? Snowflakery to follow [more inside]
A few weeks ago I met this guy through a friend during a night out. While our group was roaming around the city, the two of us walked a few paces behind the rest, absorbed in our conversation. I found him to be cute and smart, if maybe too nice and self-effacing. But I was hoping he would ask me out. Strangely, when he did I didn't feel the excitement I was expecting. [more inside]
After a break-up of a LTR, I was on OKC and noticed a really cool profile. She seemed really funny, interesting, and smart. Granted, just a profile, but I got a really good vibe from it. I was in no place to date after that break-up and after awhile, she took down her profile. So I didn't message her. The other day, though, I was on Facebook and a group was suggested to me. I click on it, look down, and see her Facebook profile (same photo from OKC). It was a crazy coincidence. Judging by her Facebook, she is single. Any ideas about what I should do? The group she's a member of is huge, so I don't think that would lead to anything. I think the likelihood of us running into each other at any time is probably pretty unlikely (big city). Granted, this all sounds kind of crazy to be pursuing this on the basis of an OKC profile, but she seems really cool and I was wondering if anyone has any suggestions?
Actively dreading an upcoming date -- probably not a good sign, right? What's the best way to proceed? [more inside]
I'm wondering how to stop being clingy or needy to people. I find that it gets in the way of me meeting people especially when it comes to dating. I tend to text more than I should or come on too strong on occasion. And I overthink things more than I should. What should I do? I do maintain a busy life but I still make these bad judgments more than I should. I'm very picky if that helps.
Whenever I am anticipating a date with or a text from the guy that I'm with, I suddenly find myself avoiding everything I need to do in order to just mentally prep for that encounter. This is obviously not a productive or healthy way to anticipate a good thing, but I have acted this way since I was 16 and now at 26 I want to stop trying to be so damn available. Aside from keeping myself busy with obligations I MUST attend to lest there be Serious Repercussions, what else can I do to persuade my mind that living my life in the intervals will allow me to have better relationships, not the other way around?
I'm 30, male, British. Over the last few weeks I've felt the clouds of my latest depression begin to part and some sunlight poke through. I'm contemplating trying online dating again. How can I take advantage of this improvement whilst being careful not to over-tax myself and do an emotional crash-and-burn? [more inside]
This is such a little thing I feel ridiculous posting it, but I’m just not sure how to approach this situation (or my feelings about it) so I hope posting here might be helpful! I’ve just started a new relationship (yay!), I like the guy I’ve been seeing, I think he’s funny and caring and interesting, and in general we have fun when we’re together. The whole thing though has been making me feel pretty anxious, I have a history of unhealthy relationships. A little thing (I think) happened about two days ago and it’s set off all these bad feelings, I can’t figure out whether or not I’m being neurotic or even where to go from here. More inside. [more inside]
So, I was always terrified of this happening, but then I got over it. Well, it turns out I was right- eventually, if I stay on okcupid long enough, I'm going to hit the end of single men my age in my city. [more inside]
I'm an early 30s lesbian who spent most of her 20s in committed relationships. My latest and most significant ended about a year ago and I've started dipping my toe in the scary online dating waters. I'm not ready to get serious yet but since I've been in these long relationships, I've never really 'dated around' per se, except maybe in my very early 20s- although at the time I was pretty closeted and neurotic, so I hardly even count that. Anyway, I registered on OkCupid and messaged back and forth with a few people. Somewhat naively, I gave two of them my phone number to text. BAD IDEA. More inside.. [more inside]
I met a guy on okc last October. He asked me out several times during November and I cancelled every time. He then deactivated his account for three months. He reappeared mid March this year and we have been hanging out once or twice a week since. To what end I am completely unsure. I guess I could just come out and ask him but I am a complete freak when it comes to my own romantic situations - I have no idea how to read them, I cannot guide myself and I spend a lot of time very, very confused... as well as bordering on panic. Help me figure out what is going on here and what I should do about it. There is a very long story inside, but I swear to you, I have looked on here, as well as googled my issue and all I can find is quizzes on cosmopolitan.com to help me, or advice blogs from chauvinists. Of no assistance. [more inside]
I've been on one date with a man whose brother died shortly afterwards. I want to support him and respect his decisions (including about whether to continue the relationship) but absolutely do not want to take advantage of his grief. I don't know how to approach this. [more inside]
I'm thinking of contacting someone I previously dated to see if he wants to date again. I know there's a good chance I won't get a positive response or will just get hurt again, but I can't help the feeling that there's some kind of unfinished business here. So I want to contact him. My questions are: (a) is trying to see if he wants to date again absolutely a bad idea? and (b) if not, how do I contact him? Do I text him and just say hello and try to gauge his response before going further? Call him out of the blue to talk? See if he wants to meet up for a drink? [more inside]
A friend was telling me last night that she is ready to start dating again, and thinks that online dating is the way to go, but she has never tried online dating and hasn't the first clue as to how to go about it. [more inside]
Sorry to continue the recent trend of OKCupid profile reviews, but I'd like more feedback on mine. [more inside]
I'm an ex-pat (Western, female) in a culture that is not like my own. I've fallen in love, but I don't know how to process the family dynamics. Help! [more inside]
I'm a guy in his thirties who has never been in a romantic relationship. I've been dating through OKCupid for a while, without too much success, and I think one of the reasons is that I just don't have a model of how you go from "first date" to "exclusive relationship involving emotional commitment". Hollywood love stories are no help, and I have no real-life experience, even at second hand, of how this tends to happen. I think it would help me to read some concrete descriptions of various paths this transition can take. [more inside]
What does healthy requited love look like? How do I know if a person Likes Me Back? [more inside]
Are we friends? Are we dating? How do I find out without ruining everything? [more inside]
Boy meets Girl. Then Boy does, what exactly? [more inside]
I'm back on OKCupid after some time spent getting my head on straight (well, bi I guess). I'd like some third party advice on my profile. Friends are ok, but they're too nice to be really helpful. [more inside]
Hi everyone, about a month ago, I asked metafilter whether this girls likes me and whether we were going on a date. I followed everyone's advice and straight up asked her on a date, but now I'm not sure what's going on. Sorry for the wall of text, but I'd like to give you all the details of what happened. Please be aware that this is from my perspective. [more inside]
I need some assistance in updating my okcupid profile. [more inside]
Should I move to the other side of the world? Snowflake situation inside, of course. [more inside]
No, seriously. Should I buy an iPhone just to get on Tindr. And yes, I'm that desperate. [more inside]
Hi! After being in a really bad relationship for three years, I broke free before christmas. Over the last year I have sort of been texting with and old flame I datet 4 years ago. It was very intense for 3 months, but then it crashed and burned. She got single before christmas as well after being with a guy for three years. I`m 28. She`s 25. [more inside]
Do you have any tips on how to behave on early dates to increase romantic chemistry? [more inside]
I've never had too much of a problem finding a date - usually online - because I look really good on paper, have my shit together, and am pretty good at being outgoing and breaking the ice and all without being a total creep like a lot of people seem to have issues with. But a disturbing trend is starting to take place. I'll be dating a girl, everything will be going good, conversations flowing, jokes hitting, etc etc... and then she'll start to yawn. The date will go on and she'll never give me that playful touch on the arm. When it's over, she'll go in for the hug instead of the kiss. And I try not to look into it, but after 2 or 3 dates pass and we've progressed normally they'll tell me that they just aren't interested. It got so frustrating I asked the last girl to not spare my feelings and let me have it - she told me I don't turn her on. The remains of my shattered ego will be regurgitated inside... [more inside]
I'm 22 years old. I have never had a boyfriend and have never been on a date. Currently I'm finishing up my undergrad and will be entering a Master program in the Fall. I think I'm fairly attractive and I do not have a super high standard. At my college, I do socialize and have a lot of friends but for some reasons, I don't know many guys and the ones I know are either already in a relationship or just not interested in me. I've thought about online dating but I don't know if I'm too young for it, if my inexperience would put me in dangerous situations, etc. I've thought about joining paid sites such as match.com or eharmony.com because I thought maybe guys are more serious on those sites. However, I am still a student and my budget is limited. I'd greatly appreciate any advice anyone has for me.
Met a guy, been dating him, it turns out (I think) he has a hidden life of promiscuity. Help me figure out what to do next. [more inside]
First date in NYC, near grand central and the Bryant park area, weekend afternoon. Likes: animals, theatre, the arts, books. Fun and interactive things would be especially welcome. Suggestions?
A male friend of mine has recently learned that he's not as good at dating women as he thought he was, and wants to get better. Where can I point him for sex and relationship advice, addressed to men, but written from a feminist perspective? [more inside]
I started a postgraduate course 3 months ago and there was a girl who stood out a fair bit. There were various issues that stopped me from considering dating her so I went down the friend route. She seemed interested in me at first - we ended up being alone together twice on nights out with others from the class, walking around London and the river, but I, not interested in any kind of intimacy, kept these meetings platonic. It's only recently that I've gotten myself together mentally, gotten to know her better and decided I like what I see - am I too late? What should I do to move from a new friendship back to that stage of 'initial attraction'? [more inside]
I'm a 27 year old woman who is chronically unlucky in love. Everyone says the secret ingredient to meeting that special someone is confidence, but what exactly IS confidence in this context? Asking my girlfriends seems to have elicited two definitions, being confident enough to flirt and be 'emotionally available', and being the kind of confident where you're a fabulous conversationalist and everyone wants to talk to you. I can do the latter, but the former I have issues with... [more inside]
Loads of "hooks", as received wisdom says is the right thing to do - but does it make me sound undateably wilfully eccentric? Profile here. Any and all feedback welcome, whether it's related to my suspected issues with the profile or not. [more inside]
Does size---especially height---matter to guys? [more inside]