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How/when/should I tell a potential new beau that I used to be obese?

I used to weigh 150 lbs more than I do now. My body looks like I used to weigh 150 lbs more than I do right now; when is the appropriate time to discuss this with someone I just started dating? Is it necessary to discuss? How do I bring it up? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 26, 2013 - 27 answers

Why am I attracted to men who don't seem attracted to me?

Even when they are guys who I think are amazing, when they show that they're really into me, I'm not attracted to them as much. I still do find them attractive, but just not as much as I would if they weren't. Why do you think this is? I can't figure out the reason myself. Is this some sort of unconscious self-esteem problem (he likes me and everyone who likes me are weird) or what? It sucks because sometimes he's such an amazing guy but just because he's showing an interest in me, points drop a little, and I wish it wouldn't but I don't have control over it (as no one has complete control over their feelings).
posted by sedulous on Feb 25, 2013 - 26 answers

Sick of being single, unsure of where to start

21 year old college student with past relationship experience, but I can't get a date to save my life. I believe I know the problem(s) but I'm unsure how to get started in term of solving things. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 25, 2013 - 20 answers

We have a date -- now what?

I followed your overwhelming advice and gave this guy my number. It worked! He immediately texted me back and we have a date tonight. Trouble is I'm a bundle of nerves because he intimidates me. I need advice on how to keep my cool tonight. :) [more inside]
posted by timsneezed on Feb 23, 2013 - 45 answers

Should I just not talk about online dating with white people?

Every once in a while, I (a minority) have a conversation with a white person about online dating in which it becomes clear that they do not and cannot understand that being a visibly non-white person on a predominantly white dating site is often a very different experience than being a white person on the same site. These conversations usually leave me completely frustrated and upset, and the person I'm talking to usually thinks I'm just bitter and negative (which is then, of course, the reason for my bad experience, and if I just "had a more positive attitude", then I would be having the same great experience that they've had). Should I just avoid talking about this with white people entirely? [more inside]
posted by rhymeswithcheery on Feb 22, 2013 - 50 answers

Is he trying to soften the blow or is he telling the truth?

A guy I've been dating for 3 months seemed to be withdrawing for about two weeks (such as me having to initiate contact first, and not making plans to meet me, and not following through), although he never stopped showing interest. I asked him what's wrong and to tell me if he doesn't want to see me anymore so I can move on. He said he didn't lose interest, it's that he has been having a few personal problems lately and has been distant even with his friends. He says he doesn't expect me to wait. Is he just trying to soften the blow because he's not interested in me anymore or is he telling the truth? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 22, 2013 - 18 answers

like him but not attracted to him. what to do?

I met a guy through an online dating website who I like but am not attracted to. I'd like to meet with him again, but how do I manage this without leading him on? And is online dating always going to be like this? [more inside]
posted by starcrust on Feb 21, 2013 - 29 answers

Fatal Attraction, how to break free?

I’m Male in my late 20s; I need help figuring out what to do about my relationship, I’ve tried breaking up a few times, but every time I get to it something in my head stops me... What can I do? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 21, 2013 - 27 answers

Not-OK Cupid

I've slept with a lot of guys and only enjoyed it with like 10% of them. Are my standards too high, or too low, or what? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 18, 2013 - 21 answers

Online dating and rejection - is it uncool to ask 'why?'

Don't worry, I'm not about to ask anyone 'But whyyyyy don't you like meeeee??'. I totally get that someone can be not-into-me for the colour of my t-shirt if they want: no harm, no foul. But I would like to know how much follow-up is normal after a first date, and also if anyone has any idea how I could get this so wrong? [more inside]
posted by Salamander on Feb 17, 2013 - 39 answers

What Else To Improve Dating Prospects?

A year ago, I posted about whether I should have any plastic surgery done to improve my dating prospects as an "ethnic" gay man in a major US urban area. Six months ago, after a lot of introspection and a commitment to psychological counseling to help me build my self-esteem, I decided to pursue primary rhinoplasty. Here is what I've learned in the time since I last posted about how to improve my dating prospects: [more inside]
posted by cscott on Feb 14, 2013 - 59 answers

Long-distance relationship or debaucherous partying?

As a 22-year-old woman with zero real relationship experience, I'm turning to AskMe in this time of indecision. One of my best friends wants to date me, and I like him, but I also want to make out with boys I might like more. Does that make me a bad person? Should I forget about the other boys? Details inside, naturally. [more inside]
posted by jouir on Feb 12, 2013 - 33 answers

How do you navigate safe sex with new partners?

I'm getting back into dating after a long hiatus and I realized I have no idea how to protect myself from STDs without seeming like a crazy, overly-cautious prude. Help! [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 9, 2013 - 23 answers

Where to go on a first date in Pittsburgh?

27 year old straight male living in Pittsburgh. I'm doing the OkCupid thing. I would like to go on a few dates, but I don't know where to go for a first date. Elsewhere on AskMe, people have said that a first date with someone you met on Okcupid should be brief compared to a first date with someone you've known in person for a while. Makes sense. I could put together an awesome date that was three hours long, but when I try to think of something short and sweet, I'm at a loss. [more inside]
posted by UrbanEye on Feb 5, 2013 - 18 answers

Are there pitfalls to premature domesticity?

After a long period of not dating -- partly volitional, partly circumstantial -- I met somebody I really like and who really likes me (yay!) and we've been seeing each other for a couple of months. It's going really well. Although we have been on a few traditional dates -- live music and movies and dinners out -- we have the best time hanging out at each other's places, cooking dinner together, reading together, playing board games, and watching movies at home. Is this a problem? We are still getting to know each other. Are there good reasons to avoid what looks an awful lot like domesticity in the early stages of a relationship?
posted by summer sock on Feb 5, 2013 - 21 answers

Is it over already?!

Over the weekend, I turned down an invitation to a birthday party (from a man I've been seeing for 3 months) because I wasn't actually invited to it by the girls who held it. It just so happened to be one of several incidents in which I have turned him down for weekend festivities. Now he seems to be ignoring me...or am I going crazy? [more inside]
posted by 01080591 on Feb 5, 2013 - 59 answers

I adore him, but find his health problems a turn off. Is there a fix?

I love him deeply, miss him terribly. He loves me more than anyone he's ever met. We go together like peas and carrots. But I broke up with him over one health problem that he can and would fix if I told him how much it bothered me. Am I nuts? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 3, 2013 - 41 answers

Communication in the early days of dating

What are your tips to keeping the lines of communication open in the first few weeks of dating someone new? [more inside]
posted by toerinishuman on Feb 3, 2013 - 6 answers

Men are just intimidated by you? Come on really?

Give me your tough love criticism of why I'm single! [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 2, 2013 - 56 answers

Am I wrong for getting a bad feeling about my boyfriend's dating coach?

Started dating a great guy, he became my boyfriend probably a month and a half ago. A few weeks into the relationship we were talking and it turns out that he has a "dating coach" and he still meets with her in weekly phone calls because he enjoys her advice. This rubbed the wrong way and googling her, I found she's also totally hot. It just creeps me out that this totally hot woman has so much impact on my boyfriend's life. [more inside]
posted by ponytime on Feb 2, 2013 - 51 answers

Is a facebook message a bad move for contacting the elusive lady?

I don't want to breech the fb borders yet, as I feel it could kill some of the mystery and magic of getting to know her in real life, but we may never cross paths again. Do I exercise my limited patience for a moment that I can't wait for or just send a msg and start the ball rolling? [more inside]
posted by talljamal on Feb 1, 2013 - 26 answers

On the timeliness of relationships, on overcoming sexual trauma

Please share your knowledge about the customs of dating, my question being from the point of view of a sexual abuse victim, and of the reactions of men who go on dates with her. [more inside]
posted by Jireel on Feb 1, 2013 - 37 answers

It's not you, it's me... Or is it?

Need strategies for not getting stuck in my own mind for hours every day over thinking a new relationship. How to know whether you are ruining things in your own head or things are not right? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 31, 2013 - 9 answers

How do you spot Dating Warning Phrases?

Can you help me to better distinguish cheery lovebird songs vs. the squawks of ailing canaries in my dating coal mine? [more inside]
posted by argonauta on Jan 30, 2013 - 89 answers

How should I talk to my boyfriend about me being unhappy with him?

We've been together almost 2 years and at first I thought he was almost a perfect match for me. We got along, he made me so happy, he's so sweet, makes me laugh, and considerate. I know that every relationships get into the comfortable phase but lately I feel like he has taken me for granted and has gotten way too comfortable to the point I'm starting to lose interest in our relationship. I no longer look forward to seeing him and want to be alone, say I love you, kiss, or anything. [more inside]
posted by Asian_Hunnie on Jan 30, 2013 - 50 answers

My crazy is escaping! Help me pull it back in.

Bad divorce, after many years of pretty much only dating men I really didn't care about, I finally met a great guy that I want to care about very much. Help me not fuck it up. [more inside]
posted by Lizlemondrop on Jan 28, 2013 - 14 answers

Resources for dealing with your widowed parents starting to date?

My recently-widowed father seems to have started dating. What are some resources to deal with the emotions I'm going through and the ones that will no doubt come up later? [more inside]
posted by nursegracer on Jan 28, 2013 - 14 answers

I'm just a gal who caint say "No" - I'm in a terribul fix

Sex and social life is all screwy. FWB, hookups, extreme libido - need help! [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 26, 2013 - 18 answers

I lik ur profile

How do I get a fair size (100+ messages) corpus of first-contact messages on dating sites? [more inside]
posted by curuinor on Jan 25, 2013 - 9 answers

Should I cancel my date?

I arranged a date with one guy, then had another absolutely fantastic date in the interim, & really want to focus on that. Should I cancel the other date? [more inside]
posted by littlegreen on Jan 24, 2013 - 19 answers

Exposed to HIV but not infected. Do I need to tell?

I was exposed to HIV last year, but am not infected. Do I need to disclose this to future partners? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 24, 2013 - 39 answers

What is the dating world actually like?

I have a friend who insists on a certain way of understanding how men and women couple off. Basically, he sees the situation as rather animalistic, where all the women are essentially waiting to be asked out, and the first men to do so get the "choicest" women. The rest of the women are left for, well, the rest of the men. Obviously, this is pretty traditional/sexist/chauvinistic. Anyway, barring all that, he feels a constant urgency to get to women "before somebody else does," because "the best women will be taken." Of course, I understand asking someone out before someone else does, but his theory is off-putting to me. It seems like human personalities, reasoning, circumstances, geographies, and cultures throw a monkey-wrench into his theory. Things are a lot more complicated in my mind. Do you have an alternative way of seeing the dating world, have a different experience, or are there any studies that you could point me to on this subject?
posted by uncannyslacks on Jan 23, 2013 - 38 answers

The one I like isn't the one it will probably work out with.

I'm a woman, 20s. I'm talking to two women - A and B. A has everything I want on paper, and there's a spark there... but there's more of a spark with B, who has next to nothing I want on paper. Is it a bad idea to pick B? [more inside]
posted by Pericardium on Jan 23, 2013 - 18 answers

My boyfriend's kid is here for a month. Should I be a presence?

My boyfriend has a kid from his previous marriage, who is now long distance. He'll be coming to stay for a month in a few months, and I'm not sure what to do! (so many snowflake details!) [more inside]
posted by euphoria066 on Jan 22, 2013 - 22 answers

Performance anxiety - what can I do to help?

Very excited about a new guy I'm seeing. We were getting hot & heavy and he admitted to having performance anxiety issues, that he would like to go slow, and just needs to get comfortable with me. What can I do to ease his mind... & body? Slightly NSFW. [more inside]
posted by hollypolly on Jan 18, 2013 - 13 answers

Fell for someone who lives far away. What now?

I met a guy who was only here for 2 weeks visiting. Unexpectedly, I really like him a lot, and I need some advice on what to do next. [more inside]
posted by anonymousme on Jan 15, 2013 - 20 answers

It's not you, it's me - or maybe it is you? I'm not sure.

It's been 2 months. You have a great first date with a guy from internet. Chemistry! Romance! Sexual Attraction! Best first date ever. But the female has undesirable qualities. After a few more dates the female confronts the male about his intentions. He then calls her back in a passionate telephone call and says he's willing to have a go. Sadly, he seems to not really be that into her. He then again a few weeks later reiterates his fondness for the female, despite hang ups and she's now rethinking her position. [more inside]
posted by Danithegirl on Jan 15, 2013 - 28 answers

Is the guy I'm dating not interested and ignoring me?

I have been dating a guy and he hasn't responded to my text message for over a day, its quite unlike him. Why is he ignoring me? I was wondering if anyone can help me understand what is happening? Has anyone had this experience before and guys in particular, what do you think? Am I over-reacting? [more inside]
posted by artystar on Jan 15, 2013 - 60 answers

Not sure if he likes me or not.

A guy called Matt used to flirt with me a lot and said I was one of the prettiest girls he has seen, asked me out but never went through with it, making me confused. I asked him out and he said yes but in the end nothing happened. I made out with his friend (did not know they knew each other) and yesterday Matt told me that he used to like me but wanted to take things slowly, but will not do anything now because of what happened. Is that just an excuse for him to reject me? Should I should just let this go? Thank you!
posted by lovisa91 on Jan 12, 2013 - 20 answers

How much contact is appropriate after a break-up?

I broke up with my then-fiancée in September 2012. What is the appropriate amount of contact after a break-up? I've struggled with finding a good balance. Give me some advice for the next go-round. [more inside]
posted by mellosphere on Jan 8, 2013 - 32 answers

How to handle a guy from texting me gracefully?

How do I stop a guy I met at a party from texting me when I already told him upfront I wasn't looking for a relationship? We may end up running into each other again in the future because we met through a meetup event. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 5, 2013 - 17 answers

Guy friend being confusing

Is my close guy friend into me, confused or just being flirty? [more inside]
posted by Butterflye1010 on Jan 2, 2013 - 25 answers

How can I encourage more open communication with people?

Help with encouraging communication early in a relationship? [more inside]
posted by randomnity on Jan 2, 2013 - 6 answers

The Curious Incident of the Disappearing Man

A man with whom I was once-upon-a-time very much in love pops back into my life about once a year, then vanishes again. Do I stop him? Do I just roll with it? Blizzard inside. [more inside]
posted by like_a_friend on Dec 31, 2012 - 37 answers

Should I pursue a casual FWB relationship with this narcissistic but very intellectually interesting and sexy jerk?

Should I pursue a casual FWB relationship with this narcissistic but very intellectually interesting and sexy jerk? [more inside]
posted by tamagogirl on Dec 27, 2012 - 109 answers

Help my mouth get it on

I am 24 years old and have never kissed a guy. I want to change this by my birthday 6 months from now. I have a lot of anxiety about it and am also holding onto romantic feelings for a close friend who lives far away. What's the best approach?
posted by anonymous on Dec 26, 2012 - 17 answers

Are my concerns valid/ Should I just ask him out?

I want to ask a guy out. I have some concerns and am wondering if I shouldn't. Please give me your advice. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Dec 26, 2012 - 30 answers

getting older, horny as ever

Horny Old Man Filter: Tips for ensuring that my straight dude's libido ages gracefully. [more inside]
posted by sureshot on Dec 23, 2012 - 39 answers

I like him a lot, but I don't feel like I have much to give in a relationship. He wants to wait, I have PTSD and I'm not so sure.

I like him a lot, but I have PTSD don't feel like I have much to give in a relationship. He wants to wait, but I'm not so sure. [more inside]
posted by proximacentauri on Dec 22, 2012 - 7 answers

How can I make my eyes brighter and less tired-looking?

How do I make the area around my eyes look softer and younger? I have genetics, Lasik complications and sinus issues working against me. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Dec 19, 2012 - 15 answers

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