Long story short... been seeing a guy (30) for about three months (I'm 27). Early last week I attempted to make plans with him for the weekend, but he couldn't lock anything down. He then asked me both Sat and Sun nights to get together later that night after he was done doing other things. Upset because I had tried to make actual plans with him much earlier in the week, I responded that I'm not a booty call. He said sorry and we could do something another night and I said I would like that, but haven't heard from him since. My question is.. do I attempt to explain why I interpreted it the way I did or just give him some space? And was I even justified to be upset? I sense that he was losing interest before this happened and it probably seemed to come out of nowhere, so I'm afraid I may have blown it.
I have a very good friend who I spend time with on a regular basis. In recent history (and maybe probably for the foreseeable future) he has been depressed about his dating life, so naturally, it is a subject that comes up and I discuss it with him. However, given our past history together, it's been a really hard subject for me to discuss with him and I would like some help navigating this from the hivemind. [more inside]
I've just started talking to this (really neat!) guy on OKCupid; I like him a lot & we seem to have a ton in common. However, we won't be in the same place until August. How do I gently steer him away from a penpal-esque situation while still keeping him interested? [more inside]
I am a female and have never been married and live with my cat. After a disastrous relationship where I "attempted" to settle 2 years ago, I have been single. Every time I talk to relatives and "well meaning" friends they keep teasing me that I am a "cat lady" and reminding me of my biological clock. [more inside]
I am trying to write a short breakup email to someone I need to go "no contact" with for a while... while still leaving a relatively positive line of communication open between us, longer-term. How do I do this? [more inside]
I met a guy online and I'm interested in him. The feeling seems to be mutual, but I feel like we're stuck in an awkwardly unclear moment that leaves at least one of us (me) in limbo. How can we crawl out of this limbo and progress to something meaningful? [more inside]
Write the numbers 1 to 20 on a set of cards, one per card but two cards of each number, put them on the foreheads of a group of twenty men and twenty women, and give them a couple minutes to try to pair up with the person of the opposite sex with the highest-ranked card: they will always end up with someone close to their own rank. Who originally thought of this? [more inside]
26F have been seeing 30M about 1x a week for almost three months with no conversations about what it is. His actions suggest that his interest level is moderate but not high, my interest level is high but that has not been expressed, though the last few times I have been the one to initiate plans. Most recently, he suggested an alternate plan to my invitation, but feeling frusterated, I never responded. Not sure what action I should take from here... am I wrong to think he will contact me again if his interest level is higher than I percieve? Or wrong to go radio silent when he has never done the same to me?
I'm childfree, meaning I don't have kids and don't want them. I'm also on the far end of the loner scale. I have some questions about finding a partner and using OKCupid to do it. [more inside]
... who was not my friend beforehand and dumped me dishonestly and, it seems, also rather callously? This happened 2 years ago (!) and it should be SO over by now, but in the past year our circle of common acquaintances in this small college town has multiplied in such a way that he is even - literally - in my food sometimes. [more inside]
I left my abuser 8 months ago. He contacts me semi-frequently, and I have replied to his more innocuous emails. Now I want to go No Contact. How? [more inside]
How to explain in a concise way why I'm not interested in dating anyone now and anytime soon? [more inside]
I honestly don't understand how "chemistry" works or what it means for "sparks to fly". When I go on a date it looks like this: I ask a question, she replies; she asks a question, I reply; I make an observation, she concurs or demurs; she makes an observation, I concur or demur; repeat for an hour or two, after which we both say "it was nice meeting you" and each go home. Sometimes I ask for a second date, and if she agrees, the second date looks exactly like the first. At what point are you supposed to go "Oh yeah, I went backpacking in South America once too, and don't you think Natalie Portman was pretty good in that movie, and now if you don't mind I am going to lean in and kiss you." I know you're supposed to flirt and try to make the girl laugh, but I'm not much good at doing this and when I try it comes across as wooden at best, creepy at worst. What I want is to see this process modeled. I would like to see actual footage of real people dating and crossing the boundary between "platonic small talk" and "romance". I know this sounds weird -- who'd videotape a date? -- but stranger things have been found on the internet. Any leads?
I just had an unsettling dating experience. What exactly happened here? [more inside]
The guy I've been dating is pulling away, and I need some help wading through the conflicting 'wisdom'. [more inside]
I met a girl at a party and things were going well until I started acting desperate. What can I do to get the situation under control? [more inside]
Incident report of a young woman and much older upper-middle class man. [more inside]
I’m a late-30’s woman trying OKCupid for the first time. Can you give me general advice, some tips on keeping my expectations realistic, and suggestions to avoid getting too much of my self-esteem tied up in whether or not Random Dude responds to me? [more inside]
How do you screen for reliability and filter out self-centered/selfish nature in dating in real life and online dating? And, how do you find out whether a person (for dating or friendship) is a 'giver' or a 'taker'? By reliability and being a giver, I don't mean something as trivial as calling when they say they will. I mean more like being there for you when you are going through one or more major challenging life events, putting the relationship and "us" before individual interests especially when the going gets rough for you and not for them individually. Does this kind of reliability even exist among partners and can one really, truly, deeply trust another human being or do you feel you always have to watch your back even with a partner of months or years or decades?
After seeing this comment, I would like to ask: How do you say "no" to someone you do kinda want to have sex with?
I'm interested in dating an acquaintance, but don't know if he's interested in me, or if he already gave me the brush-off. [more inside]
What are the best ways to politely decline people on internet dating sites? [more inside]
I’m a 31 year-old female. About 9 months ago, a 2-year relationship ended. I’m still struggling a lot with it. How abnormal is this, and what else can I do? [more inside]
What does the process of finding a life partner look like? [more inside]
In a dating scenairo, when a girl respond to a guy's request for a date with a nonspecific "maybe some other time," does it actually means "No"? [more inside]
I grew up in a lower-middle-class family. Through a combination of hard work, opportunity and luck, I find myself in my 30's with a very decent net worth. It's enough to allow me to feel very secure about retirement, job/career changes, health issues, supporting family, etc. and this security is probably the most important aspect of money to me. For me, money means security, safety, freedom. I maintain a very middle-class lifestyle, continue to work full-time and save at a reasonable rate. I've started to realize how much this factors into my thinking about long term relationships, especially marriage (and its attendant family joining) and financial co-mingling, and am looking for some perspectives on positive ways of managing these kinds of issues. [more inside]
I'm on the brink of 25 and I have never had much of a social life. How can I confidently go forward with my life? I'm really terrified of starting, but I know I have to. [more inside]
I took a 6 month break from dating to do some soul searching and reevaluate my skewed relationships with men. Along the way, I met some awesome dudes, each of whom I'd be interested in dating. I've developed solid friendships and strong feelings with each of them. Now my self-imposed love sabbatical is over and I'm not sure how to transition smoothly back into the dating world [more inside]
I'm interested in the male experience when it comes to this popular dating site. [more inside]
I dated someone who harmed me. What can, or should, I do to prevent him from hurting others the same way? [more inside]
I've been seeing someone semi-casually for about five months -- not quite a proper relationship, but definitely not just casually dating either. Recently I met someone else whom I now want to date exclusively. What's the script for this? [more inside]
I'm seeing a guy who hasn't done much dating. I can't tell how much of our dynamic is his lack of familiarity with dating, how much is just differences in our relationship preferences, and how much might be differences in upbringing. So what I need are some tools for figuring that out. Without using the phrase "Love Languages." [more inside]
Two people hit it off online. within the span of 24 hours, one of them gets her assistant to contact the other to organise meet-up details, claims that cars are booked for travel and that their airfare is booked - and then suddenly has died from being hit by a car. Is this a well-documented scam? [more inside]
Got an email from someone I dated very briefly, some time ago, which unsettled me. I have not replied, and don't want to, but I still feel somewhat guilty about ignoring/blocking this person. Please help me walk the line between "honoring my inner Gavin de Becker" and "being kind of an asshole to someone." [more inside]
I'm on OkCupd, and I've been chatting with someone who seems pretty cool and cute. We made plans to meet on Sunday, but she said she was busy but wanted to meet up later. I had a free ticket to a movie yesterday, so I asked if she wanted to come out. Again, busy, so I said "Hey, I'm free on Thursday and Sunday if you want to meet, but if not it's cool". I got a message back saying "I did want to, just got busy. Not into the attitude though so lets leave it there." The logical thing is just to leave it at that and not pursue her any more, but part of me wants to try and figure out if I can fix my mistake and at least meet up for a coffee to see if there's any chemistry there. Is it possible?
I’ve had a small crush on a co worker that later turned into a pretty big one. It’s gotten to the point where I couldn’t get her off my mind and it was hard focusing on school work. I’m 25 and haven’t had much dating experience. In my younger years, middle school throughout high school, I had self esteem issues with being overweight and then with acne. I’ve come here seeking advice from a wide verity of experiences of both genders. I found a similar case to mine on here and found the answers very useful so I hope to get great advice from this community. I apologize in advance for a long winded background story but I wanted to make sure I get enough information out to aid you guys. [more inside]
I met a girl through some friends abou 10 days ago. Afterwords I friended her on Facebook and we have been talking quite a bit. I am interested in getting to know her better and maybe dating her. Yesterday I asked her to get coffee with me and she agreed. The thing I'm not really clear on here is if I should pay for the her coffee or should I let her pay for her own?
I've been single forever. I'm dipping my toe back into dating. I worry that people, particularly nice people whom I'd like to date, are going to think I'm weird for having been single so long. IS it even weird? [more inside]
I kinda think the dude likes me but I'm not sure and I'm tired of waiting to find out [more inside]
I've recently been told that I act boyish by several people and I do not entirely understand what this means nor can anyone who has said this actually explain it well (versus being "a man"). I'm an adult male, and understand that this kind of behavior may be an obstacle to dating women and finding a girlfriend. I tend to joke around a lot (especially with women), but a lot of people joke around, so it's difficult for me to equate joking around with boyishness. I also laugh a lot. One female friend said that I'm like "a little boy" and that she felt comfortable talking to me(otherwise she has almost no other male friends). I have a job, my own place to live, no roommates, a car. All adult, responsible things so I can't see these comments about being boyish related to lacking responsibility. Does anyone have any specific examples of behaviors, ways of interacting, or conversations that they consider to be boyish? Thanks for your help
I used to be happily single. I hardly ever got crushes on anyone and wasn't really bothered by my lack of a dating life. For the last six months, however, I've been in a new and unusual situation where I'm meeting lots of great guys, and I've been getting serial crushes - something totally new to me. Even though they aren't particularly deep crushes, it's gotten to the point where "must. date. guy. now." seems to be constantly buzzing around in the back (or front) of my mind. Unfortunately, circumstances are such that it seems that 1) I am unlikely to actually get a date, and 2) even if I could get the dating life I want, pursuing it at this point might not be advisable. How can I stop being so hung up on my desire to be dating someone? Alternatively, are my concerns unwarranted and should I try pursuing dates more actively? Details/complications within. [more inside]
I met this guy who approached me on an internet dating site (I am guy as well). I didn't find him physically attractive, but he seemed nice, we had a lot in common, and go to the same college, so I met up (I told him I wasn't really looking for a relationship at the time and just wanted to be friend). We met twice, and had a good time (as friends). He was cool, although we really didn't click like soul mates. I'm pretty sure he's interested in something more, but I'm definitely not. He wants to get together again, but I'm really conflicted about what to do. [more inside]
I recently dated this guy whom I have to admit I liked him a lot for the sex in spite of everything else I hated about him. He is your definition of a player, he is hot and cold, talks to you one weekend, and not talk to you the next. After three months of hot and cold behaviors, I have finally decided to let him go but inside I am still hurting. Any heart to heart advice? [more inside]
I'm in a great new relationship, yay! It's been about 4 months. I like her. She likes me. But I am a classic anxiously attached type, and I would like your advice on how to cope with the "omg what will I do when she figures out I'm a loser and she dumps me and why didn't she call last night and she seemed annoyed when I said that and omg what if she doesn't like me anymore" feeling. [more inside]
I have been dating a man for just over a month that I met online. He is 41 and I am 33. He is simply lovely: kind, attentive, complimentary, generous, funny, smart, gainfully employed, family oriented and wants children, likes me a lot, socially/environmentally conscientious, cooks well, nice sense of style, has friends, etc. And, I'm not very physically attracted to him. I am 5'2" and his profile says he is 5'7" but I think he exaggerated ~two inches and has a slight frame. He is very fit, but the cave woman in me seeks a more commanding physical partner. There are other things about his physicality and bedside manner that don't "do it" for me, either, but the main thing is that I just prefer bigger men. [more inside]
What should I do about the ex that haunts me? [more inside]
(Not overly timid, just tactful.) I -male, 30-would like to get to know better a coworker -female mid 30s- I find both good-hearted and attractive. We´ve chatted briefly a couple of times (our shifts at work overlap twice a week, late in the evening) and I've felt what might conceivably be chemistry and shared values/interests. I've also noticed she's gentle with basically everybody, and I would naturally prefer to avoid awkwardness should I have been mistaking workplace congeniality for potential romantic interest. Contextual limitations: There are no coffee or lunch breaks during the times we are both at the workplace. Based on some of her responses, she checks her mail around once a week at most. Dinner after work at a nearby place would be technically possible, but probably too forward a proposal for a first date. I´m interested in finding out whether she would be up for a one-on-one encounter, but I want to be specially tactful given the fact that 1) we´ll be seeing each other after the invitation/date. 2) there are normally colleagues overhearing us (just concerned about face-saving, dating is not against the rules here). How would you approach this situation? [more inside]
I recently met an amazing, smart woman. On our third date, I made a stupid comment that offended her. I made it worse by trying to cover myself. I really want to salvage this situation and see this woman again. [more inside]
Have you (or someone you know) been successful with individuals who are a low match for you on OKC? I consider low to be below '80% Match'. This is assuming you've both answered at least a 100 questions. Success I consider to be at least a few months of going out. I'm trying to get a sense of whether it is reasonable to ignore contact from low-matching individuals or if those scores are just meaningless once you get to know someone in person. Should you give that person a shot or is it a waste of time? I'm not so much concerned with the friend or enemy score.
I met a girl at a bar and I want to know how to avoid chatting with her all week before our first date. [more inside]