When dealing with depression, what has worked for you . . medications, etc? I don't want to rely too heavily on friends for this, because I have in the past, and they tend to want to avoid you if you tend to talk about it too much. [more inside]
What do you or did you enjoy about being single? What do partnered mefites miss? [more inside]
I'm very inexperienced when it comes to romance so please bear with me. I can't tell if I've been somehow misleading or if this guy is just being clingy. I also don't know if I owe anyone an explanation. Details inside. [more inside]
How is it that every guy on tinder is hot when the online dating sites are full of somewhat creepy looking men? Do they have a rating system that they use to sort people or is it just their demographic? Also, how do I view others' moments or are those just the pictures that come up? [more inside]
I know the topic of OKCupid profile critiques is polarizing. Those who enjoy picking apart profiles and judging photos, please bring your honesty and step on up. [more inside]
I have chronic crippling body pain that can strike at any time. I am doing all the things I can to learn to live with it and ease it when it strikes but I have a hard time being with people sometimes because I get snappy when I feel like they don't understand how much energy it takes. Now I have a new girlfriend and it is going to cause problems. Have you lived with pain and relationships? [more inside]
Stuck on someone, but things got weird and awkward. Would it be a good idea to open up and just let this person know how I feel about them? Wall o' text commences... [more inside]
Today he forgot about our date, and i am really upset because it shows that he doesn't like me right? I would love to see him more regularly, but it isn't happening. At the beginning of our relationship we were both a bit nervous and getting to know eachother, but the last couple of times have been great and we really connected on a deeper level, which is why i still want to see him, but not sure if it is worth it if he flakes. Details inside. [more inside]
How I can I better handle these intense feelings and hold them in while maintaining the confidence and calmness that made the woman like me in the first place? [more inside]
So, I've jumped into online dating. It's going oddly better than expected, such that I now have a couple etiquette questions: 1) how do I politely turn down a request for a second date? He seems like a kind person and I'd like to avoid hurting his feelings inasmuch as possible, but I wasn't quite feeling that spark of attraction. Is there some equivalent of Miko's breakup talk for this that will help here, something clear but gentle? Also... [more inside]
Well, here is a little more of me being neurotic about romantic relationships. (I have long forgotten about the crush I asked my last question about.) Yesterday, I was surprise asked out by email by a guy I have met a couple of times. I hadn't thought of him that way, and had no idea he was interested, but thought about it, decided my evaluation of what I knew so far was that he seemed like a sweet person, and said yes. (And then changed my mind.) [more inside]
Basically, there is this girl I really really like, and there are a few things that tell me that the feelings are mutual. But she has already told me... twice... That she just wants to be friends with me. The way she acts with me doesn't match what she says though. [more inside]
I can't stop reading PUA websites even though they make me unhappy, and I'm not sure how to deal with the effects it's having on me. [more inside]
I used to be a soft, sensitive, hopeful young woman but too many knocks is making me feel hard, and it shows. I am too young to feel this way, help me figure out new thought processes to prevent this from getting worse. [more inside]
We've been dating pretty steadily for 2 months, but now he's suddenly unresponsive and distant. I want to ask him tactfully what's up. [more inside]
I am currently involved in a sexual/dating/subculture where international meetings are normal. Most recently, men have met me in my city and then we have planned a trip later.... And I have had a fab time with these men- they have been great fun! I am okay with meeting men for dinner in Oslo, London or Stockholm..... I have no problem hopping on a plane and meeting a man, spending a few days with him and nipping back home... but I cannot figure out how to make sure that my flight home is paid for- if something doesn't work out. Is there any way to have your flights and hotel paid for, in a way that the host can not just cancel on you if you refuse to have sex with them?
I am really terrible at 1) figuring out what the hell I want, and 2) communicating it. I've started dating a guy and this problem is magnifying my relationship anxieties by a thousand, and it's starting to make me super stressed. Please tell me what I'm doing wrong here! [more inside]
I am having trouble understanding how matches are formed. If I am bisexual and it shows me pictures of people of both genders, does that mean or imply those people are interested in people of my gender, or does it just randomly show men and women when both are selected? Is the pool of people I am shown a pool of people who already said they liked me first and then people who haven't been asked only after those people? Does it ever show me a picture of someone who has already specifically said they don't like me? And along the same lines, does it sometimes (as it seems) show me a bunch of people who haven't yet had the opportunity to thumbs up or thumbs down me, and if they do thumbs me up, will it then tell me and them we matched at the same time? Thank you. Postscript: Also - why so many matches and so few people initiating conversation?
If you come off as dumb and/or uninformed in social situations, how do you correct this? [more inside]
I met a lovely woman and I'd like to talk about making the relationship more serious, but I'm completely clueless about norms around this relationship stuff. [more inside]
I had an IUD (Mirena) inserted about a month ago. I recently met someone new (yay!), he's great (yay!), and it seems that sexytimes are soon to be had (yay!). I think I need to talk with him about my IUD, though, and I don't know how. [more inside]
For the past two years, I've developed an very stable and satisfying dating style that suits me for the time being - I maintain a certain emotional distance and all of my sexual relations fall very easily in the platonic category - I've thus far avoided any complications. However, I was completely startled when a friend I had expected to sleep with ended up being intensely sweet and now my system is a bit shaken up. I'm not sure how much to give in to this feeling I'm having for him. In a way, I can't remember what's normal to be feeling in these situations. [more inside]
Seeking recommendations on dating advice for men, unfortunately that entire genre seems to be dominated by "Pick Up Artists" and other assorted misogynist douchebags. Is there any advice to be found out there which comes from a viewpoint which respects women and men? Bonus points if it makes an inspirational case for why one should bother in the first place. [more inside]
This terrifies me a little bit...but I was wondering if you lovely people could take a look at my profile and let me know what you think of it. See anything I should improve? (I'm a woman looking to date women.) [more inside]
Can these conversational hiccups be saved? [more inside]
So it's been awhile since I've used OKC, just reactivated the profile, and it's now past due for an overhaul. [more inside]
I asked a boy out! And he said yes! But then he didn't respond when I tried to nail down the details. What should I do now? [more inside]
I am in a new relationship, and it's very much in the honeymoon phase. This person is amazing and awesome and it feels like I'm getting to know the best friend I never knew I had. This new relationship is very promising, and I would like to avoid all the bad relationship habits/mistakes I've made in the past (mostly around becoming complacent, no longer working on myself, not being as ambitious etc.). What is your advice and personal experience with this? [more inside]
This is mainly for my much younger sister although it might be relevant for little oink someday ... For the first time she has several people interested in her (they have said so). She asks me for advice. She seems flattered by the attention but not sure how to proceed. They are all good friends. I don't know what to say. Hovering between an unrealistic desire to keep her from getting hurt (don't first relationships often?) and the recognition she has a good head thus trusting her decision. Is there some basic dos and donts?
I'm a woman that just made a new OK Cupid account after a long hiatus. The amount of messages I'm getting are abysmal compared to when I was on the site six months ago. What am I doing wrong? [more inside]
How do I know if I am in love "enough" with my partner? Snowflakery to follow [more inside]
A few weeks ago I met this guy through a friend during a night out. While our group was roaming around the city, the two of us walked a few paces behind the rest, absorbed in our conversation. I found him to be cute and smart, if maybe too nice and self-effacing. But I was hoping he would ask me out. Strangely, when he did I didn't feel the excitement I was expecting. [more inside]
After a break-up of a LTR, I was on OKC and noticed a really cool profile. She seemed really funny, interesting, and smart. Granted, just a profile, but I got a really good vibe from it. I was in no place to date after that break-up and after awhile, she took down her profile. So I didn't message her. The other day, though, I was on Facebook and a group was suggested to me. I click on it, look down, and see her Facebook profile (same photo from OKC). It was a crazy coincidence. Judging by her Facebook, she is single. Any ideas about what I should do? The group she's a member of is huge, so I don't think that would lead to anything. I think the likelihood of us running into each other at any time is probably pretty unlikely (big city). Granted, this all sounds kind of crazy to be pursuing this on the basis of an OKC profile, but she seems really cool and I was wondering if anyone has any suggestions?
Actively dreading an upcoming date -- probably not a good sign, right? What's the best way to proceed? [more inside]
I'm wondering how to stop being clingy or needy to people. I find that it gets in the way of me meeting people especially when it comes to dating. I tend to text more than I should or come on too strong on occasion. And I overthink things more than I should. What should I do? I do maintain a busy life but I still make these bad judgments more than I should. I'm very picky if that helps.
Whenever I am anticipating a date with or a text from the guy that I'm with, I suddenly find myself avoiding everything I need to do in order to just mentally prep for that encounter. This is obviously not a productive or healthy way to anticipate a good thing, but I have acted this way since I was 16 and now at 26 I want to stop trying to be so damn available. Aside from keeping myself busy with obligations I MUST attend to lest there be Serious Repercussions, what else can I do to persuade my mind that living my life in the intervals will allow me to have better relationships, not the other way around?
I'm 30, male, British. Over the last few weeks I've felt the clouds of my latest depression begin to part and some sunlight poke through. I'm contemplating trying online dating again. How can I take advantage of this improvement whilst being careful not to over-tax myself and do an emotional crash-and-burn? [more inside]
This is such a little thing I feel ridiculous posting it, but I’m just not sure how to approach this situation (or my feelings about it) so I hope posting here might be helpful! I’ve just started a new relationship (yay!), I like the guy I’ve been seeing, I think he’s funny and caring and interesting, and in general we have fun when we’re together. The whole thing though has been making me feel pretty anxious, I have a history of unhealthy relationships. A little thing (I think) happened about two days ago and it’s set off all these bad feelings, I can’t figure out whether or not I’m being neurotic or even where to go from here. More inside. [more inside]
So, I was always terrified of this happening, but then I got over it. Well, it turns out I was right- eventually, if I stay on okcupid long enough, I'm going to hit the end of single men my age in my city. [more inside]
I'm an early 30s lesbian who spent most of her 20s in committed relationships. My latest and most significant ended about a year ago and I've started dipping my toe in the scary online dating waters. I'm not ready to get serious yet but since I've been in these long relationships, I've never really 'dated around' per se, except maybe in my very early 20s- although at the time I was pretty closeted and neurotic, so I hardly even count that. Anyway, I registered on OkCupid and messaged back and forth with a few people. Somewhat naively, I gave two of them my phone number to text. BAD IDEA. More inside.. [more inside]
I met a guy on okc last October. He asked me out several times during November and I cancelled every time. He then deactivated his account for three months. He reappeared mid March this year and we have been hanging out once or twice a week since. To what end I am completely unsure. I guess I could just come out and ask him but I am a complete freak when it comes to my own romantic situations - I have no idea how to read them, I cannot guide myself and I spend a lot of time very, very confused... as well as bordering on panic. Help me figure out what is going on here and what I should do about it. There is a very long story inside, but I swear to you, I have looked on here, as well as googled my issue and all I can find is quizzes on cosmopolitan.com to help me, or advice blogs from chauvinists. Of no assistance. [more inside]
I've been on one date with a man whose brother died shortly afterwards. I want to support him and respect his decisions (including about whether to continue the relationship) but absolutely do not want to take advantage of his grief. I don't know how to approach this. [more inside]
I'm thinking of contacting someone I previously dated to see if he wants to date again. I know there's a good chance I won't get a positive response or will just get hurt again, but I can't help the feeling that there's some kind of unfinished business here. So I want to contact him. My questions are: (a) is trying to see if he wants to date again absolutely a bad idea? and (b) if not, how do I contact him? Do I text him and just say hello and try to gauge his response before going further? Call him out of the blue to talk? See if he wants to meet up for a drink? [more inside]
A friend was telling me last night that she is ready to start dating again, and thinks that online dating is the way to go, but she has never tried online dating and hasn't the first clue as to how to go about it. [more inside]
Sorry to continue the recent trend of OKCupid profile reviews, but I'd like more feedback on mine. [more inside]
I'm an ex-pat (Western, female) in a culture that is not like my own. I've fallen in love, but I don't know how to process the family dynamics. Help! [more inside]
I'm a guy in his thirties who has never been in a romantic relationship. I've been dating through OKCupid for a while, without too much success, and I think one of the reasons is that I just don't have a model of how you go from "first date" to "exclusive relationship involving emotional commitment". Hollywood love stories are no help, and I have no real-life experience, even at second hand, of how this tends to happen. I think it would help me to read some concrete descriptions of various paths this transition can take. [more inside]
What does healthy requited love look like? How do I know if a person Likes Me Back? [more inside]
Are we friends? Are we dating? How do I find out without ruining everything? [more inside]