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Help me enjoy 34

How can I stop panicking about turning 34 and still single? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 5, 2014 - 15 answers

When do I tell someone I just started dating that I am in AA?

I just started dating someone new and I'm not sure how/when to best disclose information about my history in AA and recovery from alcoholism. Normally I'm okay with having this conversation after getting to know someone over a few months, but I'm uncertain as to whether or not I should tell her sooner considering that alcoholism in her family has come up as a topic of conversation. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 4, 2014 - 33 answers

How can I stop wanting senpai to notice me?

Your 2000th snowflakey question on the how to be an emotionally healthy single person. How can I live for myself and grow my social networks instead of seeking validation from my abstract idea of a desirable partner? Navel-gazing after the jump. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 31, 2014 - 6 answers

How to break it off with someone you've seen, uh, once

Let's say you go on a date with someone. The date goes well, you go back to their place. Things happen...SEX things. You realize afterward that it may have been a mistake. Yeah, definitely a mistake. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 26, 2014 - 14 answers

Boy meets girl. Boy likes girl. Girl likes boy…maybe?

I'm 24 and have almost no dating experience, and I need help knowing whether I should pursue things further with this guy or end it. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 22, 2014 - 13 answers

BDSMfilter: munches, play parties, and social anxiety

How can an shy, inexperienced kinkster approach potential play partners without being too pushy or creepy? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 14, 2014 - 5 answers

I don't want to meet my wife on Tinder

I'm inept at dating in the real world. Help me learn how to take a girl from acquaintance to date and face the uncertainty in between. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 14, 2014 - 21 answers

A slight under-understanding of Tinder

I am having trouble understanding how matches are formed. If I am bisexual and it shows me pictures of people of both genders, does that mean or imply those people are interested in people of my gender, or does it just randomly show men and women when both are selected? Is the pool of people I am shown a pool of people who already said they liked me first and then people who haven't been asked only after those people? Does it ever show me a picture of someone who has already specifically said they don't like me? And along the same lines, does it sometimes (as it seems) show me a bunch of people who haven't yet had the opportunity to thumbs up or thumbs down me, and if they do thumbs me up, will it then tell me and them we matched at the same time? Thank you. Postscript: Also - why so many matches and so few people initiating conversation?
posted by anonymous on Jun 3, 2014 - 5 answers

Startled by a tender moment - how much to give in?

For the past two years, I've developed an very stable and satisfying dating style that suits me for the time being - I maintain a certain emotional distance and all of my sexual relations fall very easily in the platonic category - I've thus far avoided any complications. However, I was completely startled when a friend I had expected to sleep with ended up being intensely sweet and now my system is a bit shaken up. I'm not sure how much to give in to this feeling I'm having for him. In a way, I can't remember what's normal to be feeling in these situations. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 18, 2014 - 16 answers

Was it something I said?

I asked a boy out! And he said yes! But then he didn't respond when I tried to nail down the details. What should I do now? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 4, 2014 - 10 answers

How to avoid complacency + continue self-development in a relationship?

I am in a new relationship, and it's very much in the honeymoon phase. This person is amazing and awesome and it feels like I'm getting to know the best friend I never knew I had. This new relationship is very promising, and I would like to avoid all the bad relationship habits/mistakes I've made in the past (mostly around becoming complacent, no longer working on myself, not being as ambitious etc.). What is your advice and personal experience with this? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 4, 2014 - 3 answers

How do I know if I am in love "enough" with my partner?

How do I know if I am in love "enough" with my partner? Snowflakery to follow [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 30, 2014 - 26 answers

Starting online dating when you're still a bit a broken inside

I'm 30, male, British. Over the last few weeks I've felt the clouds of my latest depression begin to part and some sunlight poke through. I'm contemplating trying online dating again. How can I take advantage of this improvement whilst being careful not to over-tax myself and do an emotional crash-and-burn? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 20, 2014 - 12 answers

New relationship and bad (irrational?) feelings?

This is such a little thing I feel ridiculous posting it, but I’m just not sure how to approach this situation (or my feelings about it) so I hope posting here might be helpful! I’ve just started a new relationship (yay!), I like the guy I’ve been seeing, I think he’s funny and caring and interesting, and in general we have fun when we’re together. The whole thing though has been making me feel pretty anxious, I have a history of unhealthy relationships. A little thing (I think) happened about two days ago and it’s set off all these bad feelings, I can’t figure out whether or not I’m being neurotic or even where to go from here. More inside. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 17, 2014 - 33 answers

One date with someone who was bereaved shortly after

I've been on one date with a man whose brother died shortly afterwards. I want to support him and respect his decisions (including about whether to continue the relationship) but absolutely do not want to take advantage of his grief. I don't know how to approach this. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 14, 2014 - 18 answers

Cross-cultural romance - how do I understand the family stuff?

I'm an ex-pat (Western, female) in a culture that is not like my own. I've fallen in love, but I don't know how to process the family dynamics. Help! [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 10, 2014 - 24 answers

Describe going from "date" to "relationship"

I'm a guy in his thirties who has never been in a romantic relationship. I've been dating through OKCupid for a while, without too much success, and I think one of the reasons is that I just don't have a model of how you go from "first date" to "exclusive relationship involving emotional commitment". Hollywood love stories are no help, and I have no real-life experience, even at second hand, of how this tends to happen. I think it would help me to read some concrete descriptions of various paths this transition can take. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 9, 2014 - 14 answers

I suppose we should go on a... date?

Boy meets Girl. Then Boy does, what exactly? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 5, 2014 - 12 answers

Am I un-datable without a smart phone?

No, seriously. Should I buy an iPhone just to get on Tindr. And yes, I'm that desperate. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 24, 2014 - 24 answers

Help me not be Silda Spitzer

Met a guy, been dating him, it turns out (I think) he has a hidden life of promiscuity. Help me figure out what to do next. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 12, 2014 - 27 answers

Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, UFOs, human pair bonding?

Is talking early on in a relationship about "not believing in monogamy" a huge red flag? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 5, 2014 - 60 answers

How to take online dating slowly?

I'm a bisexual woman in my 20s, and I started online dating in January. I moved to a new country so I am totally content with meeting new people and learning more about the city through them. I also really enjoy just talking to new people in general without any expectations, but I wonder if can do something better so I can actually have something romantic? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 2, 2014 - 6 answers

Given £5k, how do I get a girlfriend?

I'm rapidly approaching 30 and I've never had a girlfriend. It's going to be a good year in career terms and I should be getting a nice wodge of cash in the next couple of weeks. I really don't want to be alone any more and this is a resource that I have, so how should I use it? I'm short (5ft 8) and a little tubby so maybe a personal trainer and a wardrobe refresh? Or perhaps therapy/counselling is the way to go? Should I be doing cookery or dance classes to make myself a more attractive, well-rounded person? How about a dating coach? What do you think?
posted by anonymous on Feb 16, 2014 - 39 answers

Non-student Non-professor Attraction

As a late 20s non-student, how do I proceed with my attraction to my late 20s non-professor? Please share your perspective and experiences. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 12, 2014 - 23 answers

Grief and a brand-new long-distance relationship

I am in a brand-new long-distance relationship with a guy I really care for. He recently experienced the death of a friend, and since this happened a week ago he has been essentially non-communicative with me. He sent me one generic text at a strange hour a week ago (along the lines of "busy week, really tired") and other than that it's been silence. Should, and how, can I support him during this time? Help me make sense of his behavior and to gauge what my response should be. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 21, 2014 - 38 answers

I turned him down. So why do I keep thinking about him?

I met someone online. Had a great date with him, but ultimately decided not to pursue things with him. So why can't I get him out of my head? And should I try again with him? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 18, 2014 - 21 answers

Help me make date #2 less platonic

Met a girl for a first date, liked her a lot, am asking her on a second date. I don't know how to cross the boundary between platonic chitchat and flirting/kissing/etc. Help. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 14, 2014 - 34 answers

So, uh, how does this sex stuff work, anyway?

(Or, how do I reconcile the tension that comes with wanting to date but not having an internal template for how the whole rigmarole of dating works?) My life is pretty good right now, and a huge part of why it’s that way is my amazing friendships. But sometimes I feel like taking steps towards something more meaningful and a little more permanent in my life. Where do I start? I feel a little weird about the whole sex and dating thing for chicken-and-the-egg-y reasons, and weird emotional issues too, and reading on the Internet and hearing from friends about the myriad ways people are able to be judgey, or to screw each other over, or generally look out for #1 in their relationships is really getting me down too. As a result, I’m kind of despairing a little about being able to find a mutually respectful and healthy environment with someone neat where I can explore the sexual side of myself and we of ourselves, all the while remaining true to myself and what I value. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Dec 20, 2013 - 22 answers

Me and You and That Guy

I can't stand my sister's boyfriend. He's coming for Christmas. They're inseparable. Now what? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Dec 14, 2013 - 47 answers

Are lust and loneliness always bad counselors?

I (30) am occasionally tutoring a girl (20) who seems to have some (undiagnosed) learning disability. Yesterday, she dropped me some hints that she might be attracted to me. I find her physically attractive too, but I realize that, on paper, we are not a good match. The differences in terms of education and prospects are considerable. She is a dropout trying to return to high school, she also assists her sister at a modest beauty parlor, I am a nerdy graduate student. As a long-time single, it is probably mainly lust and loneliness which is encouraging me to consider suggesting meeting outside tutoring time. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Dec 1, 2013 - 34 answers

How do I address the issue that my new flame doesn't offer to pay?

I'm a 32 year old male, she's 28, and we're both NYC natives, if it matters. We get along well and we enjoy our time together. Generally, I'm ok paying for the first three or four dates, however beyond that it's clear we like spending time with each other, so I'd prefer that it was a mutual effort to cover costs. Otherwise, I feel like I'm paying for her time and presence, and it feels gross. We've been dating for almost a month now. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 27, 2013 - 52 answers

Brain and body not both in love, makes me feel bad

I have been dating a woman for just under six months that I met unexpectedly when visiting another city. She is almost perfect: smart,funny, sassy, intellectually stimulating, kind, attentive, independently minded, socially aware, positive, sociable, generous, emotionally strong and sensitive, likes and wants to have children, easy going and has great friends. She dresses well and is pretty, has a lovely smile and is healthful. We enjoy straightforward communication and are open and honest with each other. I am not very physically attracted to her. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 27, 2013 - 25 answers

Dating for dysthymics

Single guy here, doing the online dating thing. Despite pickiness in who I message and high on-paper compatibility, all my dates so far (about ten different women) have been meh. This may be just a statistical fluke, but I suspect it's related to the meh-ness of life in general: I have dysthymia, aka constant mild depression, so am rarely very excited about anything, women included. I'm in therapy for this, and may be starting on meds soon, but meanwhile, what should my dating strategy be? Should I try for second and third dates with women who don't really interest me and hope I warm to them with time, or should I keep searching for that spark? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 21, 2013 - 23 answers

Should I ask the man I'm seeing not to have a vasectomy?

I'm in my mid-20's, leaning towards not having kids, but recognize that I could change my mind. I just started dating a wonderful man who has scheduled a vasectomy for next month. Is it asking too much to ask him to reconsider? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 19, 2013 - 44 answers

What steps can I take to meet a family orientated partner?

I'm an early 30s male, I have spent the last few years living a very self-centered life, hopping around short term casual relationships. I recently had a change of priorities, and want to prioritise starting a family. The gist of the question is about compromise. What kind of traits should be prioritised in a partner? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 18, 2013 - 37 answers

"Same background dating" for a potential immigrant in the United States

I'm currently a non immigrant in the United States and looking to settle down here because I want to be away from the society I was raised in. However, I'm looking for a person that shares the better parts of my cultural beliefs and value sets so I can preserve some of them when raising children here, and keep in touch with my roots. Are there any good dating resources that mefi can help me with, or general ideas on what I can do to seek such partners? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 12, 2013 - 12 answers

give me perspective on the date I just went on.

I went out with the kind of guy I thought I'd never meet but always wanted to. I really like him but some self-sabotaging behavior may have screwed this up for me. Help me do damage control and tell me what I need to ask myself to know if I really like him or just the idea of him. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 15, 2013 - 34 answers

Help me date myself

I went through a pretty wretched breakup of a long-term relationship earlier this year and am still dealing with the ill effects. I'm not interested in dating anyone, or rather don't think I should date anyone, for a while. But I'm getting really into the idea of dating myself. Please help me come up with ideas to do that! [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 14, 2013 - 21 answers

How to accept non-exclusivity in a new dating relationship?

I'm in a new, nearly-perfect dating relationship, with one caveat: I'd love to be exclusive, and he's not ready (and may never be). I'd love some advice on accepting this and not sabotaging myself with insecurity. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 10, 2013 - 37 answers

At what point do you tell your parents you have a SO?

I've been dating my boyfriend for a little less than 5 months. We have radically different approaches to how much we tell our respective parents (for what it's work, we're both in our late twenties). I talk to my parents a few times a week and let them know a few weeks in that I was dating someone. He hasn't let them know he's dating someone yet. At what point do folks generally start telling parents they're seeing someone? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 3, 2013 - 48 answers

That went well, right?

Had a great first date with a woman who seems pretty busy. She cancelled our second date, asked for a rain check, and I haven't heard from her since. What's the etiquette here? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 26, 2013 - 21 answers

Boundaries: I need them.

How do I set up the right boundaries regarding intimacy when dating new people. Difficulty level: history of abuse, disassociation and social anxiety! (nsfw) [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 26, 2013 - 9 answers

Haaaaave you met Ted?

I don't know how to meet women. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 23, 2013 - 21 answers

What's a good town for a single man in his late 30s...

What's a non-US city that might be especially good for a 38-year old divorced straight male looking to meet a woman and settle down? Much more specific details inside. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 22, 2013 - 37 answers

How do I let a coworker know I'm unequivocally interested in him?

With the caveat that I know 'shitting where I eat' is a bad idea, I'd like to let a coworker know I'm interested in him. Asking him out isn't an option too, because I'm pretty shy and would probably blush and flub anything that's supposed to be casual. How do I do this? We have zero interaction. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 19, 2013 - 30 answers

How to deal with probably unwarranted jealousy

Been dating my SO for about 6 months. Recently I've noticed them contacting an old friend more often. I'm feeling jealous, and kind of think I'm crazy for feeling that way, but I can't shake it. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 18, 2013 - 11 answers

Need sex advice: Possible to learn to enjoy dominance/submission?

New to MeFi, so sorry if this is an odd post... I just started dating a guy - let's call him Michael - who has noted several times that he likes to be a little aggressive in the sack (and although we have not yet had sex, this became clear when we made out/fooled around recently... he was pretty man-handly/dominating, did a little dirty talking, etc.). I have next to no experience in even very mild dominance/submission stuff and honestly have never had any interest in it. I can be a good sport and do a little dirty-talking if it's going to make someone's day, but it has always felt too contrived for me to enjoy it for my own sake. And I've never tried anything beyond that. That said, I really like Michael, am very sexually attracted to him, would hate to end things with him prematurely because of an unexplored difference in our sexual styles, and, frankly, couldn't help but feel a little lame/boring/conservative if I put an end to it for that reason. So, my question: as someone who isn't naturally inclined to be interested in dominance/submission, is there a chance I could learn to like it, or is it pretty much something you like or don't? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 14, 2013 - 29 answers

Should this just be a nice memory?

A few weeks ago, my friend and I confessed our mutual feelings. Then we went our separate ways, and there were loose ends. How can I be clear about my intentions? Should I be? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 8, 2013 - 14 answers

I'm dating-challenged and dropped the ball. How I do pick it back up?

Over last weekend I spent a whole bunch of time with a lovely woman--dinners, picnics, walks, wine under the stars etc. These weren't explicitly dates, but it all seemed pretty romantic. At the end of the evening on Saturday and Sunday we had these awkward pauses when my insecurities and my desire to--give a goodnight kiss? Express my attraction? Or something--were warring. I don't know what she was thinking but it was awkward on both sides. Now I won't see her for a month. Do I email her and explicitly say that I'm interested? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 26, 2013 - 25 answers

Should I stay... Or really, how should I go?

How do I navigate a breakup with this woman who I respect and love, in a way that might encourage her to get better and find some happiness? Or should I even break up with her, given the potential good things that might come along if she did process through some of her stuff? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 25, 2013 - 32 answers

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