I met a guy on okc last October. He asked me out several times during November and I cancelled every time. He then deactivated his account for three months. He reappeared mid March this year and we have been hanging out once or twice a week since. To what end I am completely unsure.
I guess I could just come out and ask him but I am a complete freak when it comes to my own romantic situations - I have no idea how to read them, I cannot guide myself and I spend a lot of time very, very confused... as well as bordering on panic. Help me figure out what is going on here and what I should do about it.
There is a very long story inside, but I swear to you, I have looked on here, as well as googled my issue and all I can find is quizzes on cosmopolitan.com to help me, or advice blogs from chauvinists. Of no assistance. [more inside]
posted by DeadFlagBlues
on Apr 14, 2014 -
I'm a 27 year old woman who is chronically unlucky in love. Everyone says the secret ingredient to meeting that special someone is confidence, but what exactly IS confidence in this context? Asking my girlfriends seems to have elicited two definitions, being confident enough to flirt and be 'emotionally available', and being the kind of confident where you're a fabulous conversationalist and everyone wants to talk to you. I can do the latter, but the former I have issues with... [more inside]
posted by litereally
on Mar 10, 2014 -
Loads of "hooks", as received wisdom says is the right thing to do - but does it make me sound undateably wilfully eccentric? Profile here
. Any and all feedback welcome, whether it's related to my suspected issues with the profile or not. [more inside]
posted by Junebug79
on Mar 9, 2014 -
Dating this new guy is crazymaking. I can't figure out if there's genuine interest, if I'm being strung along, or if it's my own anxiety tying me up in knots. Please help! [more inside]
posted by cucumber patch
on Mar 3, 2014 -
I've been very busy with a work-at-home project for the past 4 months and I'd like to get out of the house. I'm in Minneapolis but moving to California mid March. A number of women have contacted me on OK Cupid over the past week. They seem great, and I would like to ask them out to dinner or a drink. I do want to maximize my chance of going out, but also feel like springing that info mid-date will ruin the vibe. Should I tell them I am moving before meeting up in person? [more inside]
posted by BabeTheBlueOX
on Feb 7, 2014 -
How do you know if it's a good idea to date your ex? Is it just NEVER a good idea, as is the commonly accepted wisdom? Or can it work out sometimes? Should I give it another go? [more inside]
posted by quincunx
on Jan 19, 2014 -
I had a sort-of breakup recently, and I'm wondering whether I should move forward as friends or never speak to this guy again. [more inside]
posted by cscott
on Dec 23, 2013 -
I have been dating someone new and I really like spending time with him! But so far we've only hung out one-on-one. What are activities two people can do together, but which also encourage interaction with others? [more inside]
posted by figgy_finicky
on Dec 16, 2013 -
I met a wonderful man.
He is kind, loving, smart, generous, funny, encouraging and we have unbeatable chemistry and honest communication.
On one hand, I'm trying to be in the moment and enjoy this process (about six weeks in now). On the other hand, I'm thinking about the future.
I'm a firm believer in gut instincts. When I hit it off with someone, it's often instant and has lead to some long and meaningful relationships.
I also have a bad habit of overlooking issues. I've never ended a relationship.
We have a great time when we're together and see one another often (5-6 times a week). Things have progressed really quickly and I feel confident in what we've established in terms of labels and exclusivity. I have no doubt of how he feels about me, nor of how I feel about him.
He is in a very precarious financial and living situation. He's a freelancer who often goes weeks with very little/no money. He's helping friends with their business, so as of now has a free place to stay, but that too is a potentially temporary agreement. He has no interest in taking a job just for a paycheck. [more inside]
posted by patientpatient
on Dec 8, 2013 -
I met a guy recently who has an amazing personality. He's incredibly playful and sweet, and he's a nerdy feisty intellectual. Precisely the type I like. I want to go on a few dates with him and see if there's anything there, but my interest in him is dwindling already because of a certain something, and this always
happens to me. It's damn frustrating and I'd like to change it, but I don't even know precisely what 'it' is.
posted by OneHermit
on Nov 29, 2013 -
My neighbor attempted to ask me out today. I'm not interested. How do I keep things from being awkward while living here for another year and a half? [more inside]
posted by DoubleLune
on Nov 22, 2013 -
Having read a lot of relationship/dating AskMes, I've decided rather than wait for a relationship to fall into my lap, I should try the whole online dating thing. I am finding it rather frustrating and confusing, and hope the hive mind can help me understand it a bit better. Snowflakes inside. [more inside]
posted by Athanassiel
on Nov 9, 2013 -
Someone who I bonded with decided we had no spark, but wants to be friends. I am having trouble dealing with being rejected and my lowered self-esteem from the rejection but I feel like he is such a special person that I want to keep him as a friend. We had an intense online relationship for three months and dated for less than 2 weeks. Reading all these posts on MetaFilter has really helped me deal better with my breakup, but I still feel a inner turmoil about how I should handle my own situation. I don't feel that I trust my judgment so...here I am. Help on the matter is appreciated or just some advice or words would help me get through this. [more inside]
posted by LadyAerin
on Oct 26, 2013 -
The new boyfriend would like me to be more switch-y (and peg him, too) and I'd like to be able to provide that to him but past abuse makes me very adverse to causing people pain even if I know they'd enjoy it and also puts me off being the penetrative partner. How do I enjoy being the dominant/penetrative partner? I love it when the BF dominates me and causes me pain (a not-insane amount and he's always very respectful of my boundaries and comfort) so how can I become more comfortable reciprocating pain to him and how can I become comfortable with being the penetrative partner? [more inside]
posted by code_n_cakes
on Oct 20, 2013 -
Asked someone to hang out casually, but got the last minute something came up thing. Mixed messages, etc. Do I try again? [more inside]
posted by christiehawk
on Oct 13, 2013 -
I've been aggressively single for a while now and I'm ready for a change. Step One: rewrite my OkCupid profile? [more inside]
posted by modernserf
on Oct 10, 2013 -
Online dating (*sigh*). Two successful dates with the same guy. Is it okay to wait for him to contact me, or should I be more proactive? [more inside]
posted by Salamander
on Oct 9, 2013 -
by virtue of an unlikely series of events in the last several years, i'm looking for a certain type of person to date. [more inside]
posted by zdravo
on Oct 7, 2013 -
I have a guy friend i've known since 1st grade (we're both 26), we went to school together all the way through high school. We had a kind of mutual unspoken, understanding/agreement over the years that we were friends, but we just didn't see each other often around school after a certain grade to be really good friends. Last year, we started talking a lot more on a pretty regular basis (about every day/night). [more inside]
posted by earthquakeglue
on Oct 3, 2013 -
Later tonight I will be going on a second date with a new guy that seems like a promising fit. One thing he brought up during the first date is that he's about to go to Amsterdam for a few days and that while there he's looking forward to relaxing and smoking pot. Pot use is a deal breaker for me, but I want to make sure I have all the facts before I let him know that. How do I collect that info respectfully, and then let him know that pot's a deal breaker for me without sounding really weird? [more inside]
posted by These Birds of a Feather
on Sep 29, 2013 -
I have been seeing a great guy non-exclusively for about three months (yep, the dreaded three month mark). We're both 27. Everything had been going very well up until this past weekend, when I met up with him and his friends at a concert. I was supposed to attend the concert with my best friend but we had a huge falling out the night before and I very inappropriately chose to drink my feelings. While I didn't do anything awful, I felt like my behavior was unflattering.
He dropped me off after the show and the next day, I texted him an apology "for being annoying" and said I had a good time with hregardless and have a good day. 8 hours later, he responded asking if he made me uncomfortable. I said no, not at all, but I was self conscious that I had drank more than I intended. Two days later he responded "it's fine." I haven't heard from him otherwise. Communication up to this point had been good, and almost always initiated by him.
I feel like I shot myself in the foot, but it also seems silly to throw away something good over something so minor. Is his silence indication that he's through? Should I give it more time to see if he comes around. or should I try reaching out again? [more inside]
posted by starsatnight
on Sep 19, 2013 -
Hey guys, help me resolve this awkward situation that started with a Facebook friend request and has now blown up out of proportion. [more inside]
posted by ashkenazy
on Sep 16, 2013 -
After a painful breakup, I'm slowwwwly trying to ease back into the dating world. I met a guy online last week...he's a few years older than me, never married, no kids but has been in several long-term relationships. We just started talking on the phone 3 days ago. Since then he's called me every night, and we have plans to meet this weekend. My issue is this: he's currently going through a trying situation; one of his parents in very sick and the doctors have said it's best for the rest of the family to fly in. Things are looking grim. He texts me updates on the situation; he's apologized for laying this on me since we haven't met yet but says he likes talking to me. I'm not sure how I feel about this....I feel very bad for him but the fact is, we don't know each other. I'm not sure how to respond other than, "hope things turn out ok." Considering his parent might die, I feel terrible but I also feel this is too heavy for "us" to be dealing with since there is no "us"....should I tell him maybe we should postpone meeting until his crisis has passed? I've gently suggested he should stick with his family/friends during this time and replied that he will but that he hopes we can still communicate. What to do?
posted by kribensa
on Aug 22, 2013 -
I asked these questions
earlier and you were all so helpful. I am now two and a half months out of my abusive relationship. I want to continue to move forward and need your ideas and encouragement. [more inside]
posted by Rainflower
on Aug 13, 2013 -
There's a very cute, funny and witty librarian at my local library that I'd like to ask out. How do I best go about doing this without making it uncomfortable for her in her workplace? [more inside]
posted by Vonnegut27
on Jul 30, 2013 -
I don't know how to handle minor conflict with my boyfriend. Specifically, I don't know how to deal with myself when I do things wrong. I can't stop beating myself up in my head. [more inside]
posted by sockermom
on Jul 29, 2013 -
I recently started dating someone who has a 4-year old dog (a female terrier mix.) Every time we make out, the dog growls. She's started jumping up on me too. We're not sure how to fix this. The dog has taken obedience classes and seems a bit anxious but otherwise well-behaved. But she's been interrupting activities and freaking out when we hug and/or kiss. Help!
posted by melodykramer
on Jul 24, 2013 -
I went on a first date with a guy i met through a few co-workers (he's their cousin). We texted/talked for about 2 weeks before hand, and now that we've gone out i feel like my expectations were too high. He seems to already know that he likes me, and i don't really know how i feel anymore. [more inside]
posted by earthquakeglue
on Jul 22, 2013 -
My most recent relationship ended in disaster. After two years of dancing around each other my most recent SO decided to give "us" a try. However they broke up with me less than week later, simply because they changed their mind...I really wanted this, so I am very hurt and angry now. I was telling a close friend, and he said that he's starting to think I don't want to be happy because I really wanted to be in a relationship with someone who couldn't stay with me more than a few days. I don't want to date anymore, at least for a long time. I don't know if I can turn off the desire to date or be with someone else. I don't know how this works honestly. Any advice?
(sidenote: My SO really did just change her mind...there wasn't an argument that lead the break up or anything. She has always been scared of relationships but wanted to keep me in her life, so she wanted to try dating me rather than me cut her off altogether because I wanted to move on. Oh well.)
posted by Cybria
on Jul 12, 2013 -
Jumping back into the dating pool and hoping for some hacks and advice specific to finding the kind of people that interest me... [more inside]
posted by justonegirl
on May 29, 2013 -
Long story short... been seeing a guy (30) for about three months (I'm 27). Early last week I attempted to make plans with him for the weekend, but he couldn't lock anything down. He then asked me both Sat and Sun nights to get together later that night after he was done doing other things. Upset because I had tried to make actual plans with him much earlier in the week, I responded that I'm not a booty call. He said sorry and we could do something another night and I said I would like that, but haven't heard from him since.
My question is.. do I attempt to explain why I interpreted it the way I did or just give him some space? And was I even justified to be upset? I sense that he was losing interest before this happened and it probably seemed to come out of nowhere, so I'm afraid I may have blown it.
posted by starsatnight
on May 28, 2013 -
Write the numbers 1 to 20 on a set of cards, one per card but two cards of each number, put them on the foreheads of a group of twenty men and twenty women, and give them a couple minutes to try to pair up with the person of the opposite sex with the highest-ranked card: they will always end up with someone close to their own rank. Who originally thought of this? [more inside]
posted by renovatio1
on May 20, 2013 -
26F have been seeing 30M about 1x a week for almost three months with no conversations about what it is. His actions suggest that his interest level is moderate but not high, my interest level is high but that has not been expressed, though the last few times I have been the one to initiate plans. Most recently, he suggested an alternate plan to my invitation, but feeling frusterated, I never responded.
Not sure what action I should take from here... am I wrong to think he will contact me again if his interest level is higher than I percieve? Or wrong to go radio silent when he has never done the same to me?
posted by starsatnight
on May 20, 2013 -
... who was not my friend beforehand and dumped me dishonestly and, it seems, also rather callously?
This happened 2 years ago
(!) and it should be SO over by now, but in the past year our circle of common acquaintances in this small college town has multiplied in such a way that he is even - literally - in my food sometimes. [more inside]
posted by anonymous
on May 19, 2013 -
I left my abuser 8 months ago. He contacts me semi-frequently, and I have replied to his more innocuous emails. Now I want to go No Contact. How? [more inside]
posted by sockermom
on May 19, 2013 -
I've been seeing someone semi-casually for about five months -- not quite a proper relationship, but definitely not just casually dating either. Recently I met someone else whom I now want to date exclusively. What's the script for this? [more inside]
posted by modernserf
on Apr 23, 2013 -
I'm on OkCupd, and I've been chatting with someone who seems pretty cool and cute. We made plans to meet on Sunday, but she said she was busy but wanted to meet up later. I had a free ticket to a movie yesterday, so I asked if she wanted to come out. Again, busy, so I said "Hey, I'm free on Thursday and Sunday if you want to meet, but if not it's cool". I got a message back saying "I did want to, just got busy. Not into the attitude though so lets leave it there."
The logical thing is just to leave it at that and not pursue her any more, but part of me wants to try and figure out if I can fix my mistake and at least meet up for a coffee to see if there's any chemistry there. Is it possible?
posted by Charlemagne In Sweatpants
on Apr 15, 2013 -
I can't tell if I’m overreacting/over analyzing because I've been single for so long. Do I just need time to adjust to being a couple? Should I just calm down and stick it out for awhile?
posted by g33kygal
on Mar 25, 2013 -
So I met this guy online, we recently spoke over the phone for the first time and have spoken one other time after that. First conversation was about 20 minutes and the next was maybe 10 and took place this morning. We met on the type of dating site where people are matched for long-term relationships - what I'm trying to say here is we know we're not trying to just find friends. I am trying not to waste my time here and want to get to know what he is thinking so that if we're not on the same page I can move on, preferably before my membership online ends. [more inside]
posted by lilacp
on Mar 24, 2013 -
It doesn't show up in pictures. I don't want to make a big deal out of it, but don't want it to seem like I'm trying to hide something. What should I do? [more inside]
posted by mermily
on Feb 27, 2013 -
I've been seeing my boyfriend for about three months, and just about everything is great. We see each other almost every day and sleep at each other's houses so often we practically live together. We have everything in common, and I've never met anyone I click with that much. One thing we have in common that's not so great, though: we're both shy, and sometimes we don't know what to say to each other! How can we overcome this? And, while we're on the subject, what are some good conversation starters? More info below. [more inside]
posted by Gee, June!
on Feb 27, 2013 -
I followed your overwhelming advice and gave this guy
my number. It worked! He immediately texted me back and we have a date tonight. Trouble is I'm a bundle of nerves because he intimidates me. I need advice on how to keep my cool tonight. :) [more inside]
posted by timsneezed
on Feb 23, 2013 -
Don't worry, I'm not about to ask anyone 'But whyyyyy don't you like meeeee??'. I totally get that someone can be not-into-me for the colour of my t-shirt if they want: no harm, no foul. But I would like to know how much follow-up is normal after a first date, and also if anyone has any idea how I could get this so wrong? [more inside]
posted by Salamander
on Feb 17, 2013 -
As a 22-year-old woman with zero real relationship experience, I'm turning to AskMe in this time of indecision. One of my best friends wants to date me, and I like him, but I also want to make out with boys I might like more. Does that make me a bad person? Should I forget about the other boys? Details inside, naturally. [more inside]
posted by jouir
on Feb 12, 2013 -
27 year old straight male living in Pittsburgh.
I'm doing the OkCupid thing. I would like to go on a few dates, but I don't know where to go for a first date. Elsewhere on AskMe, people have said that a first date with someone you met on Okcupid should be brief compared to a first date with someone you've known in person for a while. Makes sense. I could put together an awesome date that was three hours long, but when I try to think of something short and sweet, I'm at a loss. [more inside]
posted by UrbanEye
on Feb 5, 2013 -
Over the weekend, I turned down an invitation to a birthday party (from a man I've been seeing for 3 months) because I wasn't actually invited to it by the girls who held it. It just so happened to be one of several incidents in which I have turned him down for weekend festivities. Now he seems to be ignoring me...or am I going crazy? [more inside]
posted by 01080591
on Feb 5, 2013 -