Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with dad

More technology plz!

sarahj — Mon, 21 Dec 2009 15:44:57 -0800

How can I help my parents hook up their computer to their TV? My parents have a nice wall-mounted big screen Pioneer lcd tv and my dad's dream is to have their Dell desktop system in the same room wirelessly networked to it, for music-playing, presumably netflix and online video viewing, and general happiness. I've googled this in as many different verb-noun combinations I can come up with and I'm still not sure what I'm looking for. Is this possible?

My dad mentioned something called RocketFish, and I saw some BluRay players that potentially had wireless networking capabilities but I wasn't sure if that capability was usually used for some other purpose. I'd like to help him on this for a Christmas gift - what would I need to buy and do in order to do this?

Thanks so much! I can definitely provide more information if it's needed.

How can my friend get through his dad's Orwellian firewall?

bewarethewumpus — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 20:54:22 -0800

My friend's dad has decided he's not worthy of an internet connection. How can my friend get through his dad's Orwellian firewall? Ok, so here's the situation. I have a friend who is a student living with his parents. He doesn't get along with his parents particularly well, and things have come to a head recently. They think that he is spending too much time on his computer, locked away in his room, and not spending enough time with the family. Because of this, they have decided to take an Orwellian view of the Internet they provide him. As of right now, he is not able to get through the firewall through any method but Steam (a fine program, steam chat really has come through for us here.) His browsers will not find anything, and all his 'net games are non functional.

A couple of things to consider; first, he has very few friends, and most of them he only sees online (yes, he plays WoW.) So while he does get out of the house when he can, the majority of his socialization is done online. Second, his grades have not suffered as a result of playing WoW. Third, when his family is together, it seems that all they do is sit around and watch the boob tube, which really isn't his cup of tea.

So, here's the question: How can he get around this overly restrictive firewall? I'm afraid I'm not intimately familiar with the local network infrastructure, and he doesn't have admin rights, obviously. Is there a good solid catch all application that can at least get his browser through? (it would of course be preferable to get all his apps to work again.)

Couple of tidbits. He is running Vista, he is able to connect to the LAN (but nothing outside it) via the wireless network (his dad won't let him have a physical connection), and the way he'll have to pull any applications from the net is by finding a wifi hotspot, so nothing too huge ;).

Can I have your tips about entering into the holiday season right after my dad's death?

NikitaNikita — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 13:33:07 -0800

Death, mourning, family, and holidays: How to prepare for the holidays in a post-Dad world? Can I have your tips about entering into the holiday season right after my dad's death?

My Dad died a few weeks ago, somewhat unexpectedly. He was 71 and he had some heart problems for some time, but I didn't expect him to go now, since he had been so sick but then recovered many times in the past.

For the holidays, it was always my mom, my dad and I as a core unit (I'm an only child). For example, in recent years' thanksgivings we might have had one or two of my friends come out to dinner with us, but otherwise it was really just the 3 of us. The Christmas tradition was just the three of us meeting up in a random US city to spend time together, exchange gifts, eat dinner out and see a new city over the course of a few days.

I'm going through a lot/feeling really weird and out of sorts right now. I expect it to be worse over the holidays. Are there any tips on how to prepare ?

One Thanksgiving option is an invite from a family friend to join them, but I feel like this might make me more depressed seeing a happy "whole/complete" family altogether. If that makes sense? But then I wonder if it will feel even more lonely with just my mom and I. Additionally, it would be a good time around Thanksgiving to go to my parents' house and work on sorting out my dad's paperwork, etc, but my mom is torn between getting that done and getting away from the house to clear her hear.

Thanks in advance for any advice here.

39 yr old feeling like a 13 yr panicked boy

Anonymous — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 07:08:05 -0800

I think I have a mini crush on a kindergarden teacher...help!! *sigh* I recently became separated from my wife. Like 2 months ago. Divorce papers will start soon. My smallest kids attends a very small kindergarden. So there is this teacher that I like... as in, I get nervous and clumsy near her (I am 39 yrs old!). My biggest accomplishment so far has been asking her name, trying to cover it by saying immediately after: "kids, say goodbye to Miss E-----."

First of all, I dont even know if she knows that my wife and I have split. All the kid's moms know, and maybe the principal, but not sure if SHE knows.

Second, I'm so afraid that she sees me like a "Dad", because that is obviously the context. I drop the kids and pick them up, trying to do this every day, hoping she'll appear. Sometimes she does, sometimes another teacher comes out.

Third: Once the summer school ends, in about 2 weeks, that's it. We changed the kids to another school, so I will never go there again. I feel like a 15 yr old that has no clue about how to do anything!

Questions:
- is it too early in my "separation" process to start noticing other women?
- but the bigger question is:
How do I approach her? I have a few days left before summer school ends....And how do I do it in front of my kids?? And other moms??

please help.

Tips for single dad

ian1977 — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 08:36:25 -0800

Looking for tips, advice, how-to's, words of wisdom, dire warnings, helpful websites/blogs/books, and general info on single parenting in general...and for single parenting for a dad raising an almost 3yo in particular. My daughter's mom and I have been separated for several months now...its all well and good and not the crux of my question.

The first few months of the separation were survival mode: living arrangements, bills, divorce stuff, etc.

Now that the dust is settling I am looking forward to honing my routine and techniques as a single parent. To that end I am looking for any advice or tips or resources you might have found helpful. Specifically to a dad raising a daughter.

Pertinent info: I have my daughter half the week. She is 2 2/3rds years old. I am single, although I've been on dates...no one has met my daughter yet of course. Mom is about to cohabitate with bf. Mom and I get along well and it gets better as time passes.

I am looking for very practical advice (pigtails still elude me, is there a how-to?) and more inspirational abstract type stuff as well.

I know there is a plethora of websites to be had from a simple google search, but I am hoping to separate the wheat from the chaff.

Thanks!

How Do You Know If You're Ready To Be A Dad?

Effigy2000 — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 23:54:17 -0800

How do you know you're ready to be a father? My fiancee, a woman in her mid 20s, wants a baby. I'm a man in my early 30s, and... I'm not sure how I feel.

One part of me very much likes the prospect of being a dad and actively wants to have a kid. I like the though of seeing my partner happy and pregnant, and then eventually happy and a new mum with her new baby. I like the idea of seeing what kind of person the two of us would create. I like the thought of shaping the kid, teaching him or her the values and the things he or she needs to know and will shape their lives. I like the idea of playing games with the kid, showing them the world. It all seems pretty cool and I'm totally onboard with all of it.

But another part of me (and I'm not sure its a bigger part or not) is worried. I worry about money and whether we'll have enough to do this right. I worry about how a pregnancy know would affect the wedding we've been working so hard to plan. I worry about having enough time to look after it and spend time with it (both of us work long hours, busy jobs) and the effect having a baby will have on what little social time we have left. I worry about lack of sleep because the baby is crying (I like sleep). I worry about accidentally hurting the baby somehow. I worry I might be a terrible father and my kid will grow up to hate me.

And I worry about what would happen if our baby was ever to die. I know its macabre but I do worry about it. I worry about the effect the death of our child would have on my relationship with my partner and on me, personally. I worry about future wars that could hurt our child. I worry about them making some stupid, split second decision at some point in their life that ruins everything for them. I don't want any of that to ever happen to my kid and I'm not sure I could handle it if it did.

Of course I have considered that the reasons I'd like to have a baby are not necessarily reasons in and of themselves to bring a child into this world. By the same token, I know some of my fears are irrational and not reasons in and of themselves as to not have a child. Frankly, it seems to me that the most obvious reason to have a baby is because both partners are ready to take on the responsibility of caring for and raising a child, and by the same token the main reason not to have one would be because you aren't ready.

Which leads me to my question. How does one know they're ready to be a father? Is it a lack of any doubt? Is it the opposite; that having fear and doubts like mine is a good sign that I'm ready to be a dad? Or is there simply no way one can be ready for such a thing, that one should throw caution to the wind and accept the apparently incredible changes that having a baby apparently brings you (according to previous Askme threads I read about how cool it is to become a parent and how your life changes).

Any insight and advice you can give me would be appreciated.

Where to go for weird Father's Day gifts?

katillathehun — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 10:20:35 -0800

Father's Day is coming up! Fast! My dad loves really bizarre, silly and off-the-wall stuff. A little morbid is also good (he was pleased as punch when I gave him a strawberry-flavored gummy human heart), but not required. I've given him surprise boxes from Archie McPhee before (which he loved), but I'd like to find him something even different-er this year. Where should I shop? If it helps: my 50-something-year-old dad doesn't fit the Hallmark mold for American fathers. He doesn't care about football or beer. He shares cooking and household chores with my mom. This is a CS Lewis-reading, science program-watching, Norah Jones (okay, and the Monkees)-listening nerd who's still a kid inside.

You never write ...you never call

naplesyellow — Tue, 05 May 2009 23:15:26 -0800

..Advice please? My grown stepchildren NEVER invite us to their houses...NEVER I am a significant other..and have been for going on ten years. I have no children of my own. My S.O. has three grown children. One was married last year and the other two have committed relationships (they also have significant others). For ten years I have hosted zillions of functions at our house. Birthdays and holidays out the ying yang. It has been expensive and a lot of work. A whole new year of holidays is looming...but I am very very tired of hosting. Recently my s.o.'s daughter bought a house. She has not yet invited us over to see the place!! My s.o's children seldom call and if they do it is usually because they want something (for example the daughter needed a small loan to get into the house).
It is clear that these adult children are very busy like all people in their 30's are...but can you tell me what you would do in my place? I try not to complain about these youngsters..but I have noticed that all my hosting has not made them any closer to me...and that all they seem to care about is presents and money. They honestly don't seem to give a fig about us. Advice?

Happy Yb, Dad!

Nathanial Hörnblowér — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 11:19:57 -0800

My dad is turning 70 and is a retired professor/scientist. What can I put on his birthday cake to represent 70 in some scientific way? I thought about the Periodic Table of Elements (Yb for Ytterbium) but he may be too removed from that at this point to get it. He was a soil scientist, so anything having to do with agronomy would be great.

Dad's a drunk.

Anonymous — Fri, 23 Jan 2009 09:55:28 -0800

My ex is a drunk, so I threw him out. However, we have a young child, and I'm having a hard time figuring out where to go from here. ...I used to drink a lot myself, but we got the idea to have a baby, and -- well, of course you sober up for that, right? So I stopped smoking, stopped drinking; he whittled down, and things were nice -- briefly. He drank around six-plus beers nightly through his paternity leave and ramped it up from there for a while. There was a horrifying incident where he was violent and quite out of his mind, imprisoning me in the house, when our daughter was a wee baby and I'm unlikely to let go of that anytime soon. He continued to drink. He came close to being violent a second time.

Eventually he was hectored into cutting down with the booze. He was grumpy and dreadful to be around.

About once every two months he goes on a sizable bender -- disappears overnight if not longer -- and about twice a year these benders involve crack cocaine.

He went off on a crack bender a year or so ago and I threw him out briefly. He went back to drinking. He went on a non-crack bender, got so drunk he slept in the street. I threw him out. I believed 'I'm sober now' after a month. He was sober for two weeks. I threw him out, changed the locks, and put a divorce attorney on retainer [where she remains]. This was in September.

I and our toddler daughter are living in the jointly owned house. I am a SAHM with no immediate employment prospects. (I am this person, now looking at a technical writing course at a local college. Thanks Ask...) The bills are paid and so on. Money is tight given debt he's racked up drinking, but he's a well-educated, white-collar professional with a decent salary and very secure job; 'tight' is a relative term here... I have some savings, which are going to repairs on the house -- which I hope to eventually rent out -- and possibly to a car when my learner's permit status allows me to drive alone this summer. I am in the sticks and quite dependent on the ex for drives to the supermarket or anywhere else right now.

Ex is living in a nearby B&B and comes over on the weekends. Kicked out, he is -- has always been when kicked out, but only when kicked out; what's the deal? -- an extremely loving and attentive father. He is also the witty, warm, intelligent man I was attracted to. Our daughter loves him. He was not a bad father to her while living here aside from the drinking -- er, to the extent that that is possible -- but he was morose and crabby. This weekend-visit Dad is full of smiles.

However. We did not see as much of him as planned at Christmas because I was disgusted over a pre-Xmas bender. 'Disgusted' and scared. The time with him boozing heavily with a baby in his house was pretty awful at times and he could be quite frightening, and given a couple of incidents I'm not ashamed to be scared of him when he's been anywhere near a bottle. And just recently he's gone on another bender where he ended up smoking crack.

I have a lot of stress about his debt load and my dwindling savings and the house we own, but these are all secondary to my worry about how to protect my daughter. She has a fantastic time with Dad when she does see him, and he loves her tremendously. I don't know that 'No more visits until you're sober' is best for anybody, or even realistic. He has been doing these benders for a decade and a half now and may never sober up entirely. I am not shocked and horrified by drugs, but I am shocked and horrified that he can smoke crack despite being a father. He is sick, addiction-wise.

I don't know how to respond to the latest crack jag. I've told him I'm pretty much grossed out by him and that I expect he can understand not wanting one's child around a crack smoker. I've again pushed him towards AA/NA.

He has devoted a lot of energy over the past couple of years to telling me "AA doesn't work." I am trying to impress on him that it's pretty much his only chance. He is not a young guy, too; I really do worry that one of these benders will be his last. (He does not drive drunk, though.) I have suggested what amounts to a period of penance, 'ninety meetings in ninety days' and a second job to pay off his debts. He is going to give AA a shot, it looks, but I don't know that his heart is 100% in it. This is a shame given that he is exactly the sort of drunk AA seems best for -- fine if he doesn't have the first drink, totally out of control if he does.

So I may have a daughter with a father who periodically disappears. I would've been traumatized if my Dad had ever simply gone missing. Or if the next time I'd seen him he'd had scabs on his face from where he fell down in the road drunk. The way things are now it could be several years before she figures out anything's wrong with Dad, but eventually it'll be apparent. He has so little control over the benders that I would not be surprised to find him AWOL from a birthday party or something similarly important to a child.

She loves him a lot and I'm often nearly in tears thinking about this. We do live in the same area as my parents, and they are extremely devoted, involved, loving grandparents and I'm really hoping good grandparenting -- and uncling, and aunting -- will do something to offset the crappy single mother/drunk father situation that my daughter's been stuck with.

'Cut him off entirely until he's proven himself totally sober' is something I've debated. He would agitate for access. I do have the lawyer on retainer and enough evidence of problems that his getting any excessive amount of visitation is unlikely, but I'm running out of funds to finance a big court battle and really would rather avoid that anyway; I think those should be avoided unless absolutely and indisputably in the child's best interests.

In his favour, he admits to a lot. I think he could've hidden some of these benders if he'd wanted to now that he's not living with me. I put the $4k retainer on a credit card he pays the bills for; response, "I can understand, I haven't been very stable lately."

But he does get upset when confronted -- quite a lot of self-pity, blaming others, denial, some anger -- about certain unpleasant realities (you are in debt because you drank a lot, not because the normal utility bills and mortgage payments did not leave you enough leftover cash to drink piggishly; crack smokers are not good Dads). He won't be the one to find a solution to this in the short term.

Any advice on where to go from here -- with the probable reality of a guy with a substance abuse problem being Dad -- would be appreciated. I have found counselling for myself, but transportation hassles are limiting that right now. Apologies for the length of this. Again, mefithrowaway@live.com.

Is there a great gift for a car geek?

sisflit — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 16:25:58 -0800

Another "help me find a great gift" question. My dad is 59, well-off financially and difficult to buy things for. He is currently restoring a 1929 Ford Roadster. A couple of years ago my brother got him a jumpsuit with his name embroidered on it, for working on the car. I am looking for a similarly awesome gift that is related to his hobby. He has all of the books, magazine subscriptions, etc. Does anyone have a fantastic idea? I'm in NH, if it matters. Thanks!

Should I be creeped out by my dad's relationship?

Anonymous — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 11:53:47 -0800

Last year my dad and my step-mother divorced after 20 years of marriage. It was not an easy break-up, and my dad was pretty devastated in its wake. While it was wrenching for me to think of my dad being alone in his mid-sixties, I cheered myself knowing that my dad, being a very smart, handsome, together guy with a whole lot of awesome qualities, is definitely a catch and would almost certainly end up with someone terrific. I always pictured him being with some fun, free-spirited woman, probably a widow, someone who could match his intellect, stand up to his occasional bull-headedness, and win the hearts of his kids. He’s now with with someone, alright, but not at all what I’d imagined or hoped for. My dad is now dating a woman nearly 30 years younger than he. The part that’s really, really bugging me, though, is the fact that she is about 18 months older than I. She and I could have been classmates. She’s 36, he’s 64. He is, quite literally, old enough to be her father.

My dad and I are close in every aspect but this. We haven’t fought about it or anything, but on the very few occasions we’ve talked the girlfriend I’ve told him that I support him, but that I am also not at all comfortable with it, so we really just avoid the topic altogether. I really want to turn the situation around on him, and ask him what he’d think if his daughter was boning a 62-year-old man, just to put it in perspective, but I haven’t, because it would be petty and not serve any real purpose other than being antagonistic.

The added layer of ickiness here is this: when I was very young my parents divorced in no small part because my dad fucked the babysitter, who was not above the age of consent at the time. I don’t want to get into a giant flamewar about the questionable ethics of grown men fucking “willing” teenagers here; I mention it because, even though I’ve forgiven him for that long ago and this is a relationship between two consenting adults, it does, in some small way, echo back to that predilection.

To complicate matters further, today the girlfriend e-mailed me for the first time, and in it she included a few suggestions for what to get my dad for Christmas. It wasn’t snotty; in fact, I could tell she was trying to reach out and genuinely be nice, but goddamn lady, you’ve been dating him for six months and already you’re trying on the step-mommy role. I haven’t written back yet, although I will eventually, and when I do I swear I will be polite and as bland as milk.

So my conundrum is this: intellectually, I’m glad my dad has found someone, and that he is happy. Emotionally, it creeps me right the fuck out that 25 years ago she and I could have shared a locker.

Other important facts: I live on the opposite side of the country as my dad, so while we talk regularly I only get to see him once a year or twice a year at the very most. I haven’t yet met the girlfriend, nor do I have any desire to do so for the foreseeable future. Also, they are dating exclusively, but having just emerged from a divorce I don’t think that my dad would actually get married again, at least not for a long, long while. I hope.

I know that ultimately dating decisions belong solely to my dad, and I really want to be supportive of him. I’m just having a tough time not being completely grossed out by the vast age difference between my dad and his girlfriend and the itty bitty age difference between his girlfriend and his daughter.

Am I wrong here? Should I just get over myself and just be delighted my dad found someone he loves? Or is it totally creepy that my dad is dating someone less than two years older than his own daughter? Please help me find clarity and peace here, hive mind. If you’d prefer to e-mail me privately, send it to maydecsux at gmail.

Works About The Relationship Between Fathers and Sons?

Jaybo — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 09:49:19 -0800

I'm the first-time father of a one-year old boy. Having recently finished "The Road" and "The Prince of Frogtown" and enjoyed the movie "The Kite Runner", I'm looking for suggestions of other books (or movies or songs) that are about the relationship between fathers and sons. I'll throw in a quote from "The Prince of Frogtown" to help illustrate the type of thing I'm looking for:

"You learn to stand the smell of sour-apple bubblegum and the company of a boy who jabs you in the your belly before he makes himself comfortable, and tells you that you are "comfy", not to be mean but just stating a fact. Then, just when you get used to it, not minding it so much, it all vanishes, and the little boy you launched in the air stands at your shoulder like a man, and when you turn to say something you find yourself looking right into his eyes."

How do I get out from under an abusive father?

Submiqent — Mon, 05 May 2008 20:24:20 -0800

How do I get out from under an abusive father? Story in short (hope it doesn't get too detailed):
My parents moved out from England to Australia 23 years ago and my older brother was born. They moved around Australia, I was born 4 years later (I'm 19, male) and my younger sister 2 years later.

My father has been an abusive narcissist his whole life and his father is almost definitely the same, my father grew up achieving a whole lot for his dad and he didn't really know why, he is now an executive for a resource company. My dad treats my immediate family & me the same way his father probably treated him, right up until the divorce. Things get ugly, I get seriously depressed and drop out of school (I was about 14?). Whole bunch of factors contribute to the divorce, mum becomes a depressive alcoholic, dad leaves. Problem solvered right?? mmm. Mum's drinking seriously destroys the home-life, us 3 kids suffer, I go through a whole bunch of therapy and attempt to and fail to achieve normal everyday stuff (education, jobs, ect). Up to this point, where I'm not sure which way is forward.

- I can continue to attempt jobs and continue to deal with my own abuse-spawned narcissism and father hatred that holds me back atm. (yes I have a psych)

- Or I can attempt to escape my father's emotional & real world control somehow (he has the money and is one hell of a good emotional manipulator, narcissism aside)

- Some third option? I know I will have to deal with my own self-defences that my father provokes in me, because I will never be happy with them still in place, let alone functional, but I don't know how to exist happily with my father.

On preview I realize I haven't described my father at all, because 90% of his inflicted damage is still unconscious, I used to hang off his every word and that sponge-like attitude is something I'm only just beginning to shake. Isolating his affect on me is incredibly difficult and I'm sure will become the topic of many psych sessions to come.

I don't know what to expect from AskMefi, but any kind of affirmation for a method forward would be awesome.

My Father the Mercenary

BE ADEQUITE — Sun, 30 Mar 2008 08:20:49 -0800

What does my dad need to know about becoming a mercenary in Africa? My dad, a 52-year-old heavy drinker with degenerative arthritis, has just been offered a position driving a bullet-proof limousine in a country bordering Sudan by a business contact that he's "known for a while now". My father would be protecting pilots that are under the protection of the government of this country, and being paid very handsomely. He would alternate months working in Africa and months off in the States, but would get paid even on months off for being "on backup".

Dad is a semi-retired blue-collar worker with a gun-related side-business. He's a canny businessman and knows his way around dangerous situations. However, he has never traveled out of the US, dislikes black people, and requires lots of pain medicine to function normally. He informed my sister and I on Easter Sunday that he was interviewing for this position, and today he called us to say he got it and is leaving for Africa in 7 days, and that the people hiring him are paying for his expedited passport and his immunizations. They are letting him bring his own firearms, from which he has many to choose. He thinks the job will be relatively cushy, and that he is unlikely to see any danger. In his mind, the risks are offset by the huge paycheck and the every-other-month nature of the work.

My questions:

Can this job possibly be for real?

Are there any drawbacks to this situation (besides the obvious ones) that he needs to be aware of? I know next to nothing about the geopolitical scene or what a foreigner packing a gun and working for the government might encounter, or the ethical ramifications of the whole thing.

I'm not upset with him (like my sister is) and respect his choice to do what he wants, but I'd like to be able to point things out that he has overlooked that could save his life or keep him from being swindled somehow.

Dad-day gift filter

t0astie — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 01:46:07 -0800

It is my dad’s 70th birthday in a couple of days, and I need to buy him something super, tomorrow. But it’s severely complicated by my dad’s hard-to-buy-for-ness. Help me pick out the gift. Complications: my dad is the original grump. He does not like anything except reading and watching TV. Dislikes include but are not limited to: gadgets, games, food, alcohol, computers, the internet, new clothes of any kind, expressing feelings, and right-wing politicians.

He does like (well, tolerates anyway) riding his bike, reading the newspaper, current affairs mags, watching the news and documentaries.

Usually, I’d just buy him a book. But he’ll be 70. That’s a pretty big deal. He’s also quite ill and might not be around for long, so I want it to be something special.

Also out: book vouchers (he still hasn’t spent the last two); magazine subscriptions (I’ve already subscribed him to just about everything I can think of/afford/that he would like); stuff for the bike (see above, gadgets); DVDs (he won’t watch them); music (he hasn’t listened to the CDs I’ve bought him in the past and really only listens to news radio now); travel (too frail and won't go anywhere without my mum, also frail); ''experience'' gifts like hot air balloons (he might like this actually, but way too frail now); non-money gifts like vouchers for hugs or a day together (feelings, uncomfortable with).

Yet more complications: I am far, far away in another, remote, part of Australia. I will be visiting in a month’s time, but won’t be there for his actual birthday day. Whatever it is has to be buy-able where I am, in the next nearest city, or over the net. And it needs to be postable. Also, I have limited finances - $100 tops for a gift.

And some more: it will be my mother’s 70th a few days later. I’m planning to buy them *both* a fairly freakin’ expensive gift together(a family portrait). So this is sort of like a mini-gift before the big gift, later. Which thankfully, I will have some time to save up for.

I feel really gridlocked - everything I think of, it seems there's a reason he won't like it, or can't do it, or it's not special enough. Fresh ideas would be much valued.

Bye Daddy! Bye Daddy! Bye Daddy!

fandango_matt — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 11:03:35 -0800

I'm looking for a funny commercial. I can't remember the company or the product, but the central character is a dad, wearing a shirt and tie and sitting at the breakfast table. As he silently reads the paper and eats his breakfast, he is surrounded by his wife and four or five teenage daughters who mill in and out of the room, all chatting and talking over each other and laughing. He says nothing, but he looks up from his paper once or twice with a mild look of exasperation. Finally he gets up and says, "I have to go to work," with a mildly exasperated tone. As he gets up, his wife and daughters all say, "Have a good day at work dear! Bye daddy! Goodbye daddy! Bye daddy! Have a good day daddy! Byebye daddy! Love you daddy!"

VO: Slogan, name of product and company. Cut to black.

Not another box of cheese, again...

cuddles.mcsnuggy — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 09:21:15 -0800

Dad gift filter: Out of gift ideas for my Pa. He's disabled, lives in South Carolina, and doesn't get out much. So, I've got a Dad who's really tough to buy for and his birthday is this week. I live in WI and he's down south so it must be something shippable. Background on him: He's 57, retired early for a disability (broke his back). Lives with my mom and a pile of critters (I think 4 cats & 2 dogs plus assorted fish & lizards & whatnots). He likes US war history -- particularly WWI & WWII, he likes odd trivia about Nazi Germany, is interested in oddball Fortean-type phenomena & the occult (ghosts, UFO's, magick, Masonic legends, etc.), he loves old movies like westerns, war movies, & those swashbuckly type old naval-battle & pirate films. He doesn't read much (magazines) and won't go anywhere near a computer. He enjoys putzing in the kitchen and doing basic down-home cooking for himself but is not a foodie or gourmand (so no fancy-pants oddball edibles). Old hobbies he gave up since the disability include antique gun collecting, fishing, hunting, motorcycle riding, metal-detecting, old-bottle digging. I've tried to persuade him to take up an old or new hobby but he says he can't get around physically anymore (he can only walk short distances while using a cane) & he doesn't have money to buy new gadgets or toys. He's not really into music or culture in any way. He's very sendentary and spends most of the time on the couch watching TV or managing the adventures of his animal companions. He says he's bored a lot. He's a bit of a redneck. Not academically or intellectually inclined (though he's not a dummy, just not highly educated). Also, a caveat: he's an alcoholic so liquor gifts are out.

So, over the years I've sent movies, magazines, gift boxes of the foods he likes that he can't find down there, knicknacks that suit his interests, tarot cards & the like, occasional kitchen gadgets, homemade cookies & treats, hand-drawn cards, new pipe & tobacco (only to find out he was trying to quit). But I'm out of ideas, and yeah, boxes of food are always a backup but I'd like to add something else special he might enjoy. Mom has the same trouble finding things he'd like. He wouldn't like books, CDs, puzzles, or anything techy or computer-related. Anybody else have a Dad like this? Any suggestions for gifts that'll make him go "oooh?"

World's Greatest Dad in LA

YoungAmerican — Fri, 07 Sep 2007 16:43:29 -0800

Where can I buy "#1 Dad" stuff in LA? A friend recently had a baby. I'm going to see him tonight, and I would like to present him with a #1 Dad (or perhaps "World's Greatest Dad" ) t-shirt or mug or something. Mylar balloon at the very least.

Where can I find them in central LA? I'm in Koreatown, I'm headed to Hollywood.

Advice for a new work at home dad?

rus — Fri, 22 Jun 2007 03:49:04 -0800

I currently am self employed and work at home. We have our first kiddy on the way. What am I going to need to compromise on/totally change? Currently I work relatively long hours running a web hosting company from home but my work allows me to takes lot of little breaks to speak to the wife, get a drink etc. I generally don't have to concentrate hard for anything more than 15-30 minutes at one time but its a long day to cover support for customers.

Now I'm aware there are going to be major changes but are there any work at home dads (or mums) who can tell me what to expect. Obvious would be to hire someone to cover me but that isn't doable currently. Any hints / tips would help

How can I help my dad who has begun to lose all hope?

Anonymous — Wed, 23 May 2007 07:47:36 -0800

How can I help my dad who has begun to lose all hope? My father has gone through a string of major life setbacks lately. I'm worried about his health, his mental state, and his future. And I'm wondering how best to help him turn things around. Though he's in okay shape for a type 1 diabetic in his 60s, that's not saying too much. Optimistically, his life expectancy is maybe 5-10 years. About a year ago, he was laid off from his job. Though he's a talented engineer, the combination of his age and mental state make for little to no job prospects. After much cajoling, he applied for disability but was turned down. He's now going through the slow process of appealing that decision.

To top things off, much of his savings were lost in a divorce a few years ago. When he stopped getting unemployment, he was granted a reprieve from alimony. The biggest and most recent setback was when, even with no job and no income, my mother took him back to court and was awarded alimony, including back payments. Note, all their kids are adults, she is capable of supporting herself, but is the kind of evil person who just wants to make my dad as miserable as possible.

So, how can he make money she won't find? He is hesitant to make any forward strides because they may result in additional court fees and raised alimony. At this rate, his savings will run out very soon.

Or how can he appeal the alimony decision without going further in the hole? And how can we help restore his hope, when he is a proud man who is hesitant to accept any outside help?

Helping my dad grieve

messylissa — Thu, 26 Apr 2007 15:00:28 -0800

How do I support my dad in his grief? My dad has had a really rough year, experiencing beyond what most people deal with in a five year span. Within 11 days of each other, he lost both his uncle (who was like a father to him), and his oldest brother, with whom he was also very close. This happened in October, and he's obviously had a very hard time with all of it. Today he learned that one of this best friends has stage 4 bone cancer.

My dad seems to be at that stage of life where everything starts changing (he just turned 50 in September). I just graduated from college, my younger brother just moved out and into his own place, and for awhile, we'd often find him in tears. He seemed to be doing better the last couple months. I moved home for 6 months until grad school starts, mostly to be here for him (we're very close), he bought a new truck and the property next door to us. Things were starting to look up for him. But with this most recent news, and the news that his uncle's house is selling and the estate closing (he's power of attorney), he is naturally having a hard time.

I was two years old when his parents died, so I just don't ever recall a time in my life when I've seen my dad like this. It makes it hard for me to get through a day knowing that he's hurting so much. I know that there's only so much a daughter can do, but I don't know how to do it. As a psychology student, I know what I would say to a friend or to a client, but the rules just don't seem to work with my dad. We're not very huggy unless I'm coming from/going somewhere (i.e. school) and despite our closeness, we don't really talk about feelings.

I just need to know what I can say and do to be here for him, to make it easier. I can't imagine losing my brother or my best friend. I'm worried about him, and obviously I love him very much and don't want him to feel so much hurt. I realize that this is something that he has to go through, I just need to know how to best be by his side as his daughter.

Help me find my dad's email address?

kellygreen — Sat, 24 Feb 2007 14:52:46 -0800

Can you help me find my dad's work email address? My dad works for Northrop Grumman Corporation's Integrated Systems in Melbourne, Florida. I have not heard from my dad in a long time and would like to send him an email. I looked at Northrop Grumman's Integrated Systems' webpage to see if it listed employee email addresses, but it did not. I assume the company has a standardized protocol for assigning employee email addresses (i.e., lastname@company.com). Can you help me figure out that protocol? Can you help me find my dad's email address?

Rascist Dad

arcticwoman — Wed, 01 Nov 2006 08:37:30 -0800

My dad is rascist and anti-immigration. I am constantly getting into arguments with him about this, but I find that since I understand racial diversity and robust immigration as taken-for-granted good, I don't understand him and I have few counter-arguments. Please help me argue with my dad! We are Canadian, and the most recent subject of argument is the Canadian government's expansion of the immigration limits (we are letting more people in). He is not politically aligned with any one group, he waffles between Lib. and Cons. This last election he voted for Harper (to punish the Liberals) but has since changed his mind.

My dad's main arguments are that immigrants take all the good jobs (to which I reply "no, they take all the jobs that the rest of us don't want").

He also feels that we shouldn't be letting people in who enjoy blowing each other up, and by this he means Arabs and Indians. ("If they liked blowing people up, why would they want to leave and come to Canada, then?")

He thinks that we don't have room for more people, and that the government doesn't do a good enough job taking care of the ones we have.

He does, however, believe that the government takes much too much care of Native people.

There is much, much more, but I think this will suffice. How do I respond to those? Help me, at the very least, give him something to think about.

Not just a father but a dad

fijiwriter — Thu, 19 Oct 2006 07:54:34 -0800

Daddy-daughter advice, or what can you tell me that you've learned? The missus and I are expecting our first child in early February, and the thought of me being a dad to a daughter is seriously stressing me out. My dad wasn't too close to me and my sister until we got much older and were off to college, and the same for my wife's relationship with her dad. And I don't want to be the absent (or weekend) dad to her.

So, MeFi dads, what have you learned or done with your daughter that you care to pass along?

I'm looking more for daddy-daughter advice no matter her age, things to do together, what you did, what you had wish you had done, etc. I have no doubts of her relationship with her mom, but I don't want to be pushed away.

I'm very close to my nephew/godson, but it's purely high-energy activities and the typical "boy" activities and gifts. What I hope is that someday she can look back and think, "Yeah, Dad might be a little weird, but he was there always and we did so much together and I don't regret a thing."