Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with cycles

No More Sassy Ladies

pauldonato — Sun, 16 Nov 2008 20:09:08 -0800

I think I may be the male version of women who keep dating jerks. I've noticed a pattern in me. I'm attracted to girls who are combination of sassy, neurotic, and bossy. The origins probably have something to do with my mom being like that. However, there's a functional reason too, perhaps, in that I find myself more stimulated around those girls. They're more likely to speak up when there's silence and they're easier for me to make jokes with. I also find that I have somewhat of a debating style of conversation, and a lot of my conversations are extended point-counterpoints.

However, ultimately, when I get into a relationship with these sassy girls, I get turned off by their assertiveness. I start to feel insecure, and I start to yearn for someone more supportive. I find that they don't go with the flow as well, and that coming to easy agreement seems like a struggle that also exacerbates my insecurities.

I've noticed this pattern over the years. Girls who aren't like that do show interest in me, but then I find myself bored and understimulated around them.

I find this similar, perhaps, to women who can't get out of a cycle of dating "bad boys." Perhaps because the "good boys" seem so dull.

How have people navigated through harmful dating patterns? Should you just force yourself to try dating other types? (or is using others as an experiment a little immoral?) Or maybe there's something more specific that I'm not getting about being in a relationship with non-sassy types.

How do I handle my bipolar disorder?

Anonymous — Sat, 06 Oct 2007 05:59:18 -0800

How do I handle my bipolar disorder? A bit of background on myself: I'm in my early twenties, male, physically healthy (although a bit underweight), and I live with my relatively stable and loving girlfriend. Sorry for the length of this post, but I know the people here are very sincere and at least a few of them are willing to read whatever tripe I blather out.

I have come to the conclusion that I am bipolar. This is more of a "duh", slap on the forehead type of realization than anything, because I have been going through very obvious cycles of depression and immense happiness since I was about thirteen, but only now am I willing to accept the fact that I have this disorder and that it is very real and that it is screwing with my life every three to four months.

During periods of hypomania (I believe that's the correct term, because I never feel that I can't sleep or function properly when I'm not depressed) I have a great appetite, I actually make new friends and want to go out and do stuff with them, I feel energetic and productive and I'm altogether a great person, so I've been told.

On the other hand, when I'm going through a depressive episode, the only thing I want is to be totally and utterly alone. In the past I have pretty much shirked all shirkable responsibilities -- I've dropped out of school twice, quit every job that I've had, gone into debt, and totally ignored and lost all friends that I've made since high school. I haven't talked to my mother (who has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder) in four years. These are not things that I take lightly, and I'm sure some of you can understand the horrible shittiness that a person goes through when they repeatedly fuck up their own dreams and goals. I have tried to shrug off my self-deprecating behavior as some kind of valiant "test" that I put myself through regularly to boost my resistance to the world's evils (who knows...), but that is very obviously total BS.

I love where I am right now. I'm going to a great school in a great new city, I want to graduate, travel, get a fantastic job, get married and live my life to the fullest. Unfortunately, I know that the possibility of losing any or all of these things is very real and I'm quite capable of throwing it all away. I'm not suicidal, but after watching Stephen Fry's The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive, the odds are that I very well could be in a few years if I don't do anything about this (do 20% of bipolar people really end up killing themselves!?).

To make a long story short, I'm totally at a loss here and I need some help. I know the first thing to do is always get thyself to a doctor, but I'm ashamed, penniless and going through a down period. I'm afraid to take medicine because it might hamper me when I'm feeling good, and I hate to be dependent on some external force. I don't think I can regularly go to a therapist because A, it's expensive, and B, when I feel like shit I'll just end up skipping sessions and it will be useless. See, even as I type this I'm shirking responsibility for myself. What I want to know is, how did you do it? How did you, or someone you know, overcome or manage their bipolarity?

catch-22ness

Anonymous — Tue, 15 Nov 2005 10:16:14 -0800

I haven't dated in awhile, but now... I’m 24, professionally successful, never boring, not bad looking, and extremely extroverted… but I haven’t dated in over a year in a half. Nothing. Zilch. Just a really horrible breakup and then a long cold winter. I break down and use OKcupid, get a blind date. She’s an awesome girl and on our two dates (one being a very successful all-day affair), she’s gone out of her way to express interest. Despite this, I’m expecting rejection at every step. I sent a text message earlier in the day suggesting she hang out at a coffeeshop and I never got a reply. I’m convinced she’s already done with me.

The weird thing is… I have plenty of self-esteem, but no confidence. I know what I am, and I’m happy with who I am, I just don’t think other people see me for who I am. There have been a couple of chicks I’ve flirted with since that last breakup, but I always wound up in the friend zone watching them persue other guys. Always. I can’t help but feel it’s just a self-fulfilling Catch-22 prophesy. How do I break this cycle and regain confidence despite the mountains of empirical evidence that women just aren’t interested in me anymore?

Mountain + Bike + ???? = ????

thomcatspike — Thu, 13 May 2004 12:59:15 -0800

Mountain bike tips: Being awarded a Trek 4900™ Mountain Bike, why I ask here as I'm looking for a more personal help about it. How do I measure my inseam? Should I be exact or will having shorter or taller specs be helpful? If so, why please.