Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with crap

Bum problems (gratuitous detail, NSFW).

Anonymous — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 21:01:19 -0800

Bum problems, possibly not (just) haemorrhoids (lots of detail, NSFW or in fact, lunch). Sometimes my arse leaks. Not olestra-style diarrhea squirts, but heinous-skidmark causing "paste"-consistency crap oozing out over the course of the day. This is often coupled with unbearable itching and in hot, sweaty weather chafing and stinging pain.

It may be somewhat diet-related as it happens more often when I'm traveling and my schedule is disrupted. What will happen is that I'll have a crap of a somewhat "pasty" consistency which never quite feels complete (unlike what I take to be normal, in that each turd is well-formed and has a definite start and end). I will wipe and wipe and wipe and keep wiping but the cleanest I get is a small brown smudge on the tp (despite there being no clingons—it's like as I wipe, poo-paste is continually emerging). Often, it also feels like more of my arsehole is "inside out" (and I can feel this when I wash in the shower too, there's a kind of smoother skin all around my bumhole rather than a neat pucker).

I went to my primary care provider who had a look and a poke and said, "Yep, there was obviously some external tissue tearing and chafing. Eat more fibre". It only kind-of helps (this is a problem which comes and goes). But I'm interested to know about the mechanism of having a crap—should some of the poo-chute emerge and then retract when a proper crap happens? What might be stopping this from happening? Is this merely a symptom of haemorrhoids? Is there anything else I can do to stop it or fix it when it happens (prep-H gives some relief but mostly leads to more grotesque skidmarks)? I'm an early-30s male.

....but what if I need it someday?

wild like kudzu — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 18:35:21 -0800

Okay. I have too much stuff. It's a major pain in my derriere, but just treating the symptoms of too-much-stuff-itis has not cured the disease. Aside from the obvious physical act of giving away and/or throwing away tons of my stuff (which I do periodically and always have-- I moved a lot growing up so anything I accumulated was eventually trashed when I moved) I need to address the underlying psychological causes for my too-much-stuff-itis.

I know part of my issue is that I've never had much money. Sometimes I find myself lamenting the loss of some rarely used item because I simply can't afford to replace it with a new one. So I hold onto things that may one day come in handy (i.e. "Oh well, one day maybe I'll need a graphing calculator...")

Then there's all the crap that follows me because I simply don't know what to do with it. By this I mean old checkbooks that are for closed out bank accounts and with incorrect addresses. Unidentifiable cords and manuals for gadgets also fall into this category. These things usually end up stuffed in a bag and under my bed or in the closet.

And then of course are the chotchkies. I have some random stuff. I mean, geez. Of course, I'm an artist and I like weird things so I have right now a deer jaw on my dresser, coke bottles on my windowsill, old tequila boxes that I once thought I'd use for some art project...

And on top of all of that is the limitless number of sentimental items. This I believe is at the heart of my issues, as a pair of glasses my grandmother used to wear, boxes of photographs and old journals are always in my face and cluttering up my room.

It's worth noting that I am in college, and everything I own is in my very small bedroom in my small rented apartment. My parents are too up in the air for me to store things with them for the most part, aside from a few suitcases that I'm keeping at my mom's. Also I'm an artist, which means I have this ever-growing reservoir of old art and doodles that I can't bring myself to throw away.

Right now I am in the thick of trying to reorganize my room (and thereby my life) and I'm attempting to give away a number of my old art pieces and clothes of which I'm no longer fond.

So... are there any MeFis out there who have struggled with and overcome compulsive retention of crap? I tend to vacillate between holding onto everything until I can bearly stand it and then the desire to throw everything away and start over. I know it's not the healthiest approach, does anyone have any suggestions?

Wherefore art thou, iPhone reception?

nevercalm — Sun, 09 Aug 2009 13:37:32 -0800

I have an iPhone and AT&T and no reception at my house. What are my options? Last year I moved to a nice property in a valley. Unfortunately, I only get spotty reception on my land, and nothing in the house. The addition of the Griffin Clearboost has at least allowed me to get notifications that I have voicemail, but I still can't use the damned thing as an actual phone. My wife gets fantastic coverage with her Verizon phone, of course.

A friend of mine is insisting that all I have to do is hassle the company to have a cell tower added to my area. I am fairly convinced that I lack the constitutional requisites to do this. Is there any sort of booster or repeater available that doesn't cost $500? Have any Mefites had any success with getting AT&T to accede to their demands, or found any better options?

I'm not looking to change carriers, get a Blackberry, or any of that. I just want my damned iphone to work.....

TV Movie identification

fire&wings — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 09:33:27 -0800

Crap tv-movie identification filter. An American TV movie most likely made in the 90's. It had a ridiculous, weepy title along the lines of "The Emancipation of Cathy Lee." The female lead had dark curly hair and played a lonely woman writing to a prisoner while also possibly looking after her disabled parent. I think some cringe-inducing scenes featured her reading out the letters. She lived in a large house with an elaborate conservatory/greenhouse where the climax took place, involving a fire and the convict finally tracking her down (he wasn't the understanding soul she thought he was, after all.) I thought it may have starred Richard Thomas but after searching I appear to be confusing it with "Down, Out and Dangerous," so no idea of the cast, sorry. Any ideas?

My cat's a nightmare (washing, pooping, moving socks, flicking letterboxes...). Any suggestions?

handee — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 15:40:51 -0800

I've got a problematic cat. She's a stray. I've had her for 8 years now, and we estimate she was about 4 months old when she decided to join me. There are 4 main problems: the persistent washing (till she bleeds); the crapping on the floor; the moving of socks and other small items around the house; and the general neediness. The vet is out of ideas. I have this naive hope that there will be a solution (ah, your cat has "Needywashingcrappersock syndrome, ms handee"). But I'm running out of patience (and cash). So it is time to Ask Metafilter. Anyone got any ideas? The washing thing has necessitated monthly or bi-montly vet visits for about 5 years. This summer, the vet thought of trying a surgical intervention, and that got infected, which made the whole situation 1000% worse (and means I've spent about 2000 dollars in vets fees this year). We are unclear whether she's better or not - current diagnosis is eosinophilic granuloma, but nobody seems entirely sure how to treat that.

The crapping thing is a real problem. She hasn't gotten used to the new house, and we've been here over a year now. She will crap next to the litter tray, or in the middle of the kitchen. She will stand in the litter tray and crap over the edge. She will, if the tray is entirely empty, maybe get most of the crap in the tray. But rarely all. This is really really getting me down.

The sock thing isn't so much of a problem in that it's easy to deal with, but it's been going on for the whole time we've had her, so we've had a while to adapt. We are now experts at keeping drawers shut and hiding the laundry. But if there is a sock or some knickers lying around, she will move them from room to room or from floor to floor. She's got a special noise (sort of half miaou half grunt) she does when shifting socks so we can tell when she's doing it.

This last one - the neediness - isn't so much of a problem either, but when she's out and she wants in she will sit at the front door flicking the letter box till we let her in. This, as you can imagine, impacts on our sleep. And if you're reading a book, she'll come and headbutt it until she gets attention.

(There's a sense in which this is 4 questions in one - and I would be grateful for answers to any of them - but I can't help but think these things are all linked...)

GTA/Toronto area electronics surplus?

the dief — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 11:00:15 -0800

Any Toronto/GTA area electronic surplus stores? Is there a store in Toronto or the GTA (or Hamilton ideally, but I'm not holding out a lot for that) that is sort of like the US Bay Area's Weird Stuff or Chicago's American Science and Surplus? I need to get my hands on a power adapter for a random bit of electronics.

How do I fit into my fiancee's cluttered house

warriorengineer — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 09:08:16 -0800

My fiancee and her family have too much stuff. How do I deal with this? My Fiancee grew up in a family that seems to have orgasmic levels of pleasure from having stuff. My soon to be Mother-in-law thinks a room is empty unless there is very tall dark heavy furniture covering every inch of wall space. not only this, but they have stacks and stack of useless crap that they "may need one day." Stuff that is useful [for something that no one in the house will ever do again]. They collect crap and palce it precariously. (I'm a big guy. I'm kind of clumsy. my soon to be MIL has yelled at me on more than one occasion for knocking over her precariously placed piles, because frankly, I can't fit in the house like this)

My fiance is not as bad as her parents. She may not like to live as spartan a life as I would, but she isn't awful. BUT, she is afraid of her mother who keeps giving her crap and telling her that she NEEDS it. I'm going to be mocing into my fiancee's house when we get married in a couple of months, but there is already no room for what little stuff I do have, let alone room to move around. Some times I even need to walk around to a different room just to get back to the same room I'm in. I just don't fit. (I also LOVE wide open spaces.)

I really think I could convince my fiancee to get rid of some of the excess furniture, except that her mother gave it to her and she would be WAY to afraid of the reprocussions. What should I do?

(BTW, I also have a completely different style and taste from my future MIL in every single imaginable way.)

Should i give him one more chance?

Waterbear — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 12:00:22 -0800

To get back together or not to get back together....that is the question....(of course it's a lot messier than that.........) Was with my bf for 4 years (i'm 31 now and he is 32). Most of that time, besides maybe the first 6-months of honeymoon period, were not good. We fought all the time, mostly about the fact that he was completely and utterly emotionally unavailable. He would go days without calling or talking to me, then be angry and distant when i got upset about it, and/or call me 'needy' (which i know now i most definetely am not). He rarely showed me any type of love (asides from sex, which was always fantastic), and never wanted to talk about anything. In fact, whenever I tried to bring up the fact that I was really miserable and we needed to do something about it he would get angry and a fight would start. After much convincing, he came to a couples therapist with me and sat like a stone through the 3 sessions we went to. After a while I got sick of trying to convince him to go and we stopped. The therapist told me that basically i would be miserable with him b/c he was not willing to change, and had a lot of work to do and a lot to face up to, and to leave him.

We spent 4 years together (including 1 year living together in Japan during which time we were VERY isolated from family, friends, etc), and although we were close for a time, i never felt emotionally intimate with him, I always felt that if i left him he wouldn't care at all. We broke up briefly in 2006, but he begged me back, saying he had changed, and I gave him a 2nd chance only to have him act even worse. Finally i ended things with him last May (2007). He was devastated (but he acted that way everytime I attempted to end things with him).

I met someone else really quickly because, to me, the relationship had already been over for a long time and i'd been waiting for the right time to end it, where i felt strong enough that i could resist his repeated attempts to get me back.

The new guy is one of the nicest, best guys i've ever met, we have fun together, good sex, laugh and laugh, AND I feel so close to him.

THe problem is that lately i started talking to my ex again (he got a job at teh large company where i work after we broke up...i run into him now and then). He says he's been in counselling for the past year to work on all of his issues, and I even went to the therapist that he's been seeing with him, I know for sure he's been going and he seems to have made a lot of progress. I have such a strong attraction to him, and all of our history together...i find myself wondering if I should give him a (third) chance since he really seems like he's changed this time. He says he loves me and i'm the one for him and he will never hurt me again and all the rest. And i'm actually considering it. I've told my current bf that i'm having feelings for my ex, but he doesn't know to what extent i've been considering getting back with him. Now I feel like a total horrible witch for what i'm doing to my current bf. and I feel so torn and confused about whether to get back with the ex, has he *really* changed, etc. I know people say "follow your heart" but my heart doesn't seem to know what the eff it wants!

Has anyone ever been in a similiar situation? Do you think people can really, truly change? I'm so torn right now, not eating or sleeping, any advice would really help.....

Thanks.....

Fall down seven times, get up eight.

desjardins — Tue, 04 Mar 2008 07:35:05 -0800

I'm looking for really terrible creative works made by well-regarded artists. For example, Picasso's secret crappy drawings, or John Coltrane playing out of tune. I welcome examples from all creative pursuits from all eras: literature, music, art, dance, theatre, film, architecture, graphic design, etc. I've read that in order to succeed creatively, you have to be unafraid to create utter crap, and lots of it, before you find your groove. Practice makes perfect and all that. So I'm wondering, where is this crap? I realize that crap is highly subjective, but surely there are widely-regarded examples from the masters. I'm ideally looking for things created BEFORE they became famous; not AFTER someone had fallen from popular favor.

My aim is to take inspiration from the perserverance and self-confidence of others. Biographies about the struggles of creative sorts are also welcome as long as they have a happy-ish ending.

Saturn in Virgo, UGH!

Carnage Asada — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 15:21:06 -0800

Saturn in Virgo. I'm a Virgo. Everything out there says this is going to SUUUCK. What can I expect? What can I look forward to? Thanks in advance :).

My garden smells like crap!

onlyconnect — Mon, 14 May 2007 19:52:24 -0800

I put cow manure in my garden. Now our backyard smells like crap. Is it going to smell like this all summer? Is there anything I can do to make the smell go away faster? It's my first real garden in our lovely house. Cow manure seemed like a good idea at the time. Actually to be honest it's possible that the smell is coming from the "potting soil" that I put in this weekend -- I really smelled the exact same smell as I was lugging that soil from the gardening store (plus I did not use that much cow manure anyway).

In any case, it's an awful smell. It may even be a smell that is wafting over to the neighbors. The neighbors have beautiful gardens that do not smell like crap. Is this going to go away? I've only prepared the soil at this point, not planted anything -- will planting help the smell dissipate? Help!

Save my sofa

FlamingBore — Wed, 11 Apr 2007 15:57:23 -0800

My movers finally arrived in Boston (Somerville) with my furniture and various items. Yay! But neither my sofa (my beloved red microfiber sofa, the whole reason I hired movers!) and my bed frame won't fit up the stairwell. Short of leaving them on the street is there anything I can do with them? I only have a Honda, so I can't move these myself. The movers have been great about trying repeatedly - but it's clear they won't fit. Is there a service that I'm just not imagining that might help me out?

Not waving but drowning...in crap

granted — Thu, 29 Mar 2007 21:48:23 -0800

I am gravely in need of help with an issue that has long perplexed me: namely, how to intuitively store and organize all of my miscellaneous crap. I'm talking about belts, sunglasses, electronic gadgets, purses, checkbooks...just things.

A couple specific issues: first, I forget I own things that I'd like to use more frequently. I acknowledge that I probably possess too much stuff, but I think the main reason I don't use much of what I own is that I tend to just toss things that don't obviously have a place into the Dread Pits of No Return, namely big plastic storage containers from Target. Plus, not having good storage methods means I tend to fall into the habit of using my desk and bedside stand as a waystation for everything I use somewhat frequently.

Labeling storage containers (e.g. "Spare Office Supplies") has helped some, but I still just forget. I've often been tempted to make a giant Excel inventory of everything I own just so I don't forget I own it.

The other issue I have is a practical one. Have you any tips and tricks for storing things such as sunglasses that don't seem to have any obvious place? I feel that the solution is probably obvious to all, but somehow I never got the memo.

Thank you all!

pcmcia usb card- it don't work

MrC — Sun, 11 Jun 2006 22:36:20 -0800

My PCMCIA USB card is crap I bought a cheap Pcmcia usb 2.0 card to use on my laptop, however it is virtually useless. It won't recognize USB memory sticks, or digital cameras, either with or without the card's external power supply. The main reason I bought it was to use these devices. Is it the card which isn't working or does the computer see pcmcia usbs as a hub? Is it worth trying another (and more expensive brand)?

Do men enjoy crapping because it stimulates their prostate gland?

Malachi Constant — Wed, 07 Jun 2006 17:29:00 -0800

My friend and I were just talking about how much more men seem to enjoy taking a crap compared to women and were wondering... Do men enjoying voiding their bowels because it massages the prostate slightly? I mean, I know I sure love going number 2.

Thinkcentre is too proprietary

Napierzaza — Tue, 22 Nov 2005 20:04:14 -0800

Okay, I don't usually like to ask this sort of thing on ask mefi but... I installed a unattended windows over my IBM Thinkcentre's OS and now of course it's completely crippled. Even worse I can't restore from the partition. Help... anyone! I have a m50 8189 e1u and the trouble is that the partition isn't bootable, I didn't install over the partition as far as I know, I used a repair diskette and it made "f11" reappear, but it just beeps when I press the button and then loads windows. Is there any way I can get this to work?

It doesn't even accept USB keys because it appears the only powered jacks need special IBM drivers, the network needs drivers, everything needs special drivers! I have no CDrs to speak of and dvdrs wouldn't work.

The damn thing is deaf blind and dumb, is there anyway to get at least the network going; or anything onto it for that matter? I'm afraid if I'm even able to get all the drivers that it asks for it's still not going to work like the restored version is supposed to. Anyway to access/verify the secret partition?

How to roll back IE by X to just IE

clgregor — Tue, 28 Jun 2005 11:13:03 -0800

In setting up access to my cable internet the cable company's set-up CD installed Internet Explorer by "so-and-so." I hate this. I know (assume, I guess) it was created with Microsoft's Internet Explorer Administration Kit (IEAK). I also know you can't really uninstall IE, but is it possible to uninstall these IEAK customizations? A free "IE-cleaner" download or step by step clean-up instructions would be great!

Restaurant Results

Anonymous — Tue, 18 Jan 2005 17:01:55 -0800

Why does eating in a restaurant make me crap my pants?

I have a generally healthy, varied diet. I can eat anything prepared at home, regardless of how rich, fatty, or spicy it is. But nearly everything from restaurants causes massive stomach upset. I have an intense need to go to the bathroom within 20 or 30 minutes of eating restaurant food - sometimes it's diarrhea, sometimes not.

I can eat junk food, fast food - even Taco Bell - without problems, which adds to my confusion about the cause. I thought it might be MSG, but the local Chinese restaurant is one of the few places I can eat, and they do use MSG. Is there one particular food additive that I'm not aware of that might be doing this? Any other ideas?