Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with courtesy

Do I ask about a late payment or let it go?

wexford_arts — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 10:27:43 -0800

My client said the cheque was in the mail two weeks ago. The cheque has not yet shown up in my mailbox. Should I ask him about it? A new client, trusted and recommended by a colleague, contacted me several months ago about a small job that never came to fruition, but he offered to pay a small fee covering my time, about $125. Fourteen days ago he said he was putting a cheque in the mail that week, but there's been nothing.

It could have been sent the following week, it may not have been sent yet at all, or it could have been sent and stolen out of my mailbox. The last possibility isn't as paranoid as you might think, as the cops have been around the neighbourhood to warn us about documented cases of mail theft in the area. My other clients all pay by direct deposit, so I've never had to worry about this issue before.

If the cheque was stolen and cashed, I'd hate to put this new client -- who really wants to work with me in the future -- in the position of paying me again. I can eat this loss. In fact, I never expected a kill fee at all: it was a pleasant surprise that he offered. On the other hand, I don't think there's anything wrong with a quick question about the payment if it turns out they were just late getting it out.

It's the small but real possibility of the client feeling obliged to pay again given the small but real chance of theft that has me hesitating. What do you recommend?

Be my Emily Post!

amileighs — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 10:15:18 -0800

How to apologize for a non-r.s.v.p.? My uncle every year has a 200+ person cocktail Christmas party that is mainly for schmoozing the clients of his partner who owns a PR firm, but he invites some other friends as well. Ever since I moved to NYC, I have been invited. This year I received the invite, but forgot to rsvp that I wasn't coming. I didn't think much of it and just sent him a note in my Christmas card that I was sorry to miss the event. Now this weekend I heard through another family member that he is angry at me, and didn't invite me to an intimate casual New Years eve celebration with another family member as a result.

I would like to mend the rift, but I am not sure how to apologize. Personally I think he is being a bit petty. In the past I have got in trouble over not sending thank your cards when he treats me to dinner. I now send a thank you for everything! (Other family members have be chastised for canceling by e-mail rather than by phoning.) I have tried to become very diligent about being courteous, but I am still learning. My parents were not too clued into courtesy, so I feel like I am having to figure out the rules for myself.

Anyway, I'm not sure if I should just send an apology, or if I should explain my side of it. I waited on the rsvp, because I was only going to go if I had a cocktail party wing girl, who didn't let me know one way or another until the last minute. I also was dealing with graduate school finals and my first round of Ph.d. applications. I am 24, and honestly I don't get invited to too many formal events, so I just didn't know that you definitely had to rsvp 'no' as well. (Like in wedding invites it is very obvious with the check yes or no.)

I am his niece and I just kinda wished he would have given me some slack or at least contacted me directly that he was upset.

Anyway, I know I should apologize and mend the relationship. Could the hivemind give me some advice on what to say? Also how should I say that I learned my uncle was upset with me? I plan on sending a card. Should I do more? Have other people been in this position? Thanks for your help in advance!!!

Dear Professor, your class is kicking my ass

showbiz_liz — Sat, 17 May 2008 14:17:52 -0800

Should I tell my professor why I'm dropping his class, or just not say anything? I'm doing summer school at my university. It's a five-week period where you can take one or two classes at an accelerated pace. I'm taking two classes, but I think I'm about to drop one of them, newswriting. I need it for my major, but this particular class is kicking my ass, for a variety of reasons.

The pace is killing me- it's three times faster than normal. It's also online, and so all of the instruction is through reading and not lecturing, and I don't learn as well that way. I also found out that this particular professor grades much more harshly than many other professors who teach the class.

I plan to drop it and take it next semester, and I want to know if I should bother sending the professor an email with the first two reasons (pace and the fact that it's online).

Pros: It's a small department; if I have the professor again, he might remember me, and sending the email could make me look like less of a flake. He's also been very helpful to me so far in the class (although not so helpful that I want to keep taking it), and I feel like it might be rude to drop off the radar with no explanation.

Cons: He might not remember me dropping the class at all if I don't send an email, but if I do send one, he's more likely to. And he might interpret my explanations as bullshit and remember me as "girl who made up dumb excuses because she couldn't hack it." Do I really want to make this incident stick out in his mind if I don't need to?

It probably isn't a huge deal either way, but I'd like to know what the protocol is here.

Happy Festival of Colors?

mammary16 — Tue, 18 Mar 2008 13:12:58 -0800

I want to impress my coworkers in Mumbai with my knowledge of Indian holidays. I do freelance work with a company in Mumbai, and the people who work there (who seem to be from many different parts of India) sent me an e-card for Christmas. I'd like to return the favor for some Indian holidays - but I don't really know which ones are universally celebrated and worth sending a card for. The Festival of Colors appears to be coming up soon - would that be a good holiday to send a card for?

I seriously lack knowledge about Indian culture, so any suggestions (any holiday throughout the year) would be appreciated - thanks!

Suffer Fools Gladly

jasondigitized — Mon, 14 May 2007 08:26:14 -0800

How do you remain friendly and patient with people? Through the course of my day, if I am not in the right mood, I have neither the time nor the patience for certain people. For example, someone may come into my work area and want to chat. I would like to be more friendly and chatty but if I am in the zone, or having a stressful day, I just can't be bothered. I tend to be curt and/or dismissive. I think this gives people the impression that I am an asshole. This applies to interactions with different people throughout my day. Someone asking questions, my boss going off on a tangent, a small-talker on the ferry, sometimes I just can't stand interacting with people. Does anyone else struggle with wanting to be friendly, but not having the energy or constitution to consistently be friendly? How do I build up my friendly muscles?

I hope that you all succeed at solving my problem

ChrisR — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 18:22:45 -0800

What's a good alternate well-wishing statement to "good luck" that doesn't have anything to do with luck, fate, deism of any kind, or assorted other superstitions that still conveys good wishes? I realize that my constraints limit things significantly, but I'm hoping that people here will come up with some suitably well-thought-out, brief equivalents.

I'm trying to move away from the 'good luck' thing because I feel that it implies that the person to whom I'm speaking needs luck to succeed, which is not the message I want to convey (explicitly, implicitly, or imaginarily). I also intend to avoid long-winded replacements, anything religious (I'm not) or referential to fate/karma et al.

So, how about it?

You were doing 80 in a 20 mph zone.

hadjiboy — Sun, 04 Feb 2007 09:31:22 -0800

Is there a correct speed for reading? I know that you shouldn’t be too slow or too fast, so that people are able to understand you, but when you’re reading to yourself, or are typing something that is going to be read by others (such as on Metafilter), how fast should the average reader read it? Is this based solely on personal preference, or is there some standard that one should maintain?

Am I obligated to find a replacement roommate?

|n$eCur3 — Mon, 27 Nov 2006 16:44:59 -0800

Do I have the common courtesy obligation (ie, this is NOT a legal question) to find a replacement roommate on a month to month lease? What if my current roommates are being picky in terms of who they are willing to live with? At what point am I free of courteous obligations to find someone? I found appox 4 people who were interested. One of the people was really quiet and shy which is a clash of personality when compared with my current roommates. Another liked to smoke pot, which bothers my roommates and a third was generally disliked in my estimation for no reality-based reason (they were getting weird vibes from this individual). The fourth was perfect, but we offered and he decided to go with another place.

So I would like to keep these roommates as friends because they are cool. What is a fair way to determine who is financially responsible to pay for my room starting Jan 1 without getting lawyers involved?

I should state that the three people that we turned down were very much interested in the place. And while I probably would not have wanted to go out of my way to live with any one of them, I do believe that they were all capable people.

Is it considered a breach of protocol or courtesy to wear a thobe if you're not an Arab?

arimathea — Tue, 18 Jul 2006 13:20:32 -0800

Is it considered a breach of protocol or courtesy to wear a thobe if you're not an Arab?

Dropping in

terrier319 — Fri, 03 Jun 2005 18:22:31 -0800

My wife thinks it is perfectly acceptable for family and neighbors to drop by our house unexpectedly. I disagree, believing that people should call before they come -- whether it is to return a loaned chair or drop in to say hi. What is your view?