Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with couples

Help this chubby office rat (and his wife) get motivated and active

Anonymous — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 14:10:04 -0800

I'm more sedentary than I'd like to be, and I'm putting on weight. Please help me get motivated to work out, and help me encourage my wife to join me. More details inside. My wife and I work week-day jobs with fairly set schedules, getting up before 6am to prepare and head to work. She gets home between 4 and 5pm, I get home around 6pm. She's on her feet for much of her days, and has an hour commute there and back (2 hours total per day). I sit at a desk most of the day, yet still feel done with the world by the end of the day. We both get home, and we're pretty content to sit on the couch, but that's doing neither of us any good.

I'm over 6 feet tall, and my wife is about a foot shorter than I am. I used to be on the lean side, while my wife has always been a bit overweight. I love her as she is, but I'm a bit concerned for her long-term health, and I'd worry less if she were more fit. She's lost some weight from being on her feet most of the day, but I think that she won't lose much more that way.

I've had a desk job ever since I've been out of college, and I've done nothing to keep active on any sort of regular basis, so I'm putting on weight, and I don't like it. At first, it showed as just a little tummy pudge, and she comments that she likes me to have some meat on my bones, but my idea of "meat" is that it should be muscle, not fat.

I love walking, jogging and hiking, and she's fine with a bit of walking, but is concerned about trying to hike and looking fat, sweaty and gross (a concern she's told me, not something I'm implying). Jogging is unpleasant because she's busty, and no sports bras do enough to make jogging comfortable. We have access to a community pool, but I think my wife has some concern for being seen exercising in public.

We've had a gym membership, and we own a Wii Fit. We've talked about getting equipment for home, but we haven't used what we have already, and I'm just worried that anything else we get will go unused. We've gone on walks, but they're usually short, and I don't feel like I've gotten any exercise. My strides are naturally long, so I slow down and let my wife set the pace. Every now and again I'll go jogging by myself, but I feel like I'm excluding my wife, and I feel both judged and like I'm judgmental. (I'm probably over-thinking this, but I figured I'd share the bulk of my thoughts, seeing as I'm anon.)

I understand that if we ate less, we wouldn't gain weight, but I don't believe we're eating excessive amounts. My eating habits haven't changed since college, when I didn't actively seek out exercise, I just walked a few miles every day. My thought (perhaps misguided) is that if I start walking a few miles every day, I could get back to my old weight.

Additional thought-dumping, possibly just a useless tangent: my wife's parents are overweight, and her mother will comment on me being "the skinny one." I've gained 20 to 30 pounds since marriage (and I'm not saying because of marriage, I've gone from being a college kid to a working adult from then to now), but I feel awkward mentioning this, so I don't.

To wrap up: what can I do to get motivated to work out, and how can I help my wife feel comfortable joining me? How can I motivate her to push herself and maybe get a bit sweaty in the process? Thanks, hive-mind!

Help us recreate iconic film costumes for our holiday party

Unicorn on the cob — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 09:22:37 -0800

[CostumeFilter]: My company is having a Hollywood-themed holiday party in two weeks. Please help me think of a good costume for myself and my boyfriend. Difficulty factors: He has a beard, I'm short and curvy. The idea is red carpet moments, classic Hollywood, or memorable screen roles. Ideally this would be something highly recognizable, like the Marilyn Manson/Rose McGowan red carpet look (but nothing x-rated) or, say, Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton in Cleopatra. Unfortunately, I can't think of many "memorable" red carpet/Oscar moments that couples have shared, and I don't want to just buy a nice dress (boring!) when we could go full costume instead.

The couple with the best outfit wins a significant amount of spending money and a trip to Hollywood, so we are motivated; he is willing to shave the beard if it's worth it.

So far, we've kicked around the idea of going as young Obi-Wan and Padme Amidala or Judy Garland in the Wizard of Oz (he'd make a reluctant cowardly lion) but we don't want to get TOO crazy on spending money and have a short amount of time to work on it, since the Thanksgiving holiday's about to start.

Both of us have black hair and he wears glasses, if that helps. The celebrities we most closely resemble naturally are Tori Amos (me) and a mix of Charlie Chaplin and Justin Long (him).

We don't have to go as a specific couple from the movie itself, just two characters from the same film will also work but I'm having trouble finding stuff like this by poking around on IMDB. Googling for Hollywood couples is equally unhelpful, since I'm trying to cross-reference roles and memorable looks. Thanks for any suggestions!

Income and Outgo for the Happy Couple

26.2 — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 09:54:29 -0800

Can anyone recommend a web based money management software for two? We're trying to put our accounts in one spot where we can monitor them. The problem is we have lots of existing accounts. Here are the requirements:
- support for two users who share accounts
- web based
- ability to import from multiple credit cards, checking, savings, IRAs, investment accounts and loans
- calculators for best loan payoffs and for retirement savings
- ability to categories transactions
- budgeting
- support for the blackberry would be awesome

I will happily pay for a solution; free is not required. We're not looking to change the spending/saving behavior of either person. We just need 1 spot to look for money stuff.

If it's BS, call it BS

teg4rvn — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 09:12:03 -0800

What is the purpose of couples therapy...from a therapists perspective (specifics inside)? I'm trying to take view of couples therapy from 35,000 feet rather than from in the trenches. Before going into therapy, I thought the therapist would get to know us a bit, including inquiring about our past(s), see what the conflicts were and then assist in working through them. In addition, I thought a therapist would "call out" either of our beliefs/hangups/bellyaches as BS and say something to the effect of (and this is totally made up), "Yes, being married and having kids did kinda preclude you from becoming an explorer in Antarctica, but it is not his/her fault." Instead, I feel like our therapist will take anything we say is earth-shattering and just go down the road of, "So how do you feel about what your spouse said?" Frankly, it reminds me of a lot of political discourse you see on TV nowadays (e.g., intelligent design vs. darwinism) where one person has science on their side and the other a belief system, and the media just portrays it as a debate with equal merits.

So, therapists, how do you approach therapy? Do you call people out on their BS? is it counterproductive? is it productive?

And the rest of you (non-therapists), what do you think is valuable to do is couple therapy? Would you expect your therapists to call you out?

Good couples counselor in San Francisco?

roxie110 — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 10:43:00 -0800

Can anyone recommend a good couples counselor in San Francisco? We're a late 30s-early 40s hetero couple who have been together for 6 years. Neither of us particularly wants to delve into childhood issues (I did that for years in my own therapy; my boyfriend "isn't into that kind of thing"); we're mostly trying to figure out if we want to continue to stay together. In terms of working out relationship issues, my guess is that someone oriented toward cognitive/behavioral approaches might be best.

Any information about why you're recommending the therapist would be much appreciated. Many thanks!

According to tradition, which side of the bed should a man sleep on?

Sully — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 16:27:42 -0800

In heterosexual relationships, is there a side of the bed that men normally sleep on? Is there any kind of tradition behind it? Like, if you're standing at the foot of the bed looking at the pillows, are men supposed to sleep on the left or right side? My dad always slept on the left side. And myself, with my last girlfriend, I also slept on the left side. Am I unconsciously re-enacting some kind of old tradition as to what side I'm supposed to sleep on? I know that there's some kind of tradition regarding walking beside a woman on the sidewalk. Men were supposed to stand between the woman and the street so that if any mud was splashed up by a passing carriage, the man would bear the brunt of the mud.

One other thing - I've noticed that in both my father's and my case, we would sleep on the side closest to the door, which just happened to be the left side. Does anyone know if any studies about this have been made? I'm not saying that these ancient customs should be upheld, nor that they should continue. I'm just curious if historically, there's a custom of some sort. Thanks.

No room if you 'aint hitched?

smoothvirus — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 08:06:18 -0800

Do hotels or motels refuse to rent rooms to unmarried couples anymore? I took my girlfriend on a romantic getaway to the beach this weekend, and while I was not very concerned about it, I did wonder if it would be a problem. Back in 1991, I visited a platonic friend in Indiana and when she reserved the room for me, she had to lie and tell the manager that I was her cousin, even though she was not spending the night in the room. We were not romantically involved but the manager would not rent a room to an unmarried couple. This was a major chain motel in a big city in Indiana. I did go out on the Internet to see if this sort of thing still goes on but did not find anything, save one notable exception.

P.S. My girlfriend and I had an absolutely wonderful stay on Cape Hatteras in North Carolina this weekend. Go if you get the chance!

Marriage Seminar or Workshop

gm2007 — Sat, 11 Jul 2009 22:34:24 -0800

Looking for a marriage/couple's retreat or seminar. I am looking for a way to reconnect and build a stronger marriage with my wife. We've been married for about 10 years, and I really feel that we need to reconnect. We have three children, but that's not the only reason for this. I really want to be closer to her, but I feel that we need some relationship work. Ideally, I'm looking for a long term program where we can really work on our relationship, but I'm not opposed to starting it off with a workshop or retreat. I'm not looking for any particularly religious-based counseling, although not totally opposed to that either.

Couples bonding... or (?)

mykescipark — Thu, 28 May 2009 10:15:04 -0800

I'm looking for books and articles about (for back of a better term) "couples bonding" - the way in which couples befriend other couples and reinforce one another's relationships through social interaction and emotional bonding. Is there a real term for this? Are there any folks who have written about this that aren't too pop-psych?

Any recommendations for a helpful mental health practitioner person in the area of Portland, Oregon?

brisquette — Thu, 21 May 2009 13:25:55 -0800

Any recommendations for a helpful mental health practitioner person in the area of Portland, Oregon? After a few stressful months of medication issues, my boyfriend and I have lost a lot of faith in our psychiatrist, and are looking for additional forms of help and advice, whether a therapist, counselor, or even just a different psychiatrist. We'd both been on ADD medication for a while (I'm on Adderall, he was taking Vyvanse) when my boyfriend (Charles) began to feel that maybe he was depressed. So in January, on the next trip to the psychiatrist, the doctor gave him a prescription for Zoloft. That seemed to be going pretty well, but I didn't ask too many questions about it because I didn't want him to feel weird about being on anti-depressants.

A month later, his prescription ran out right as we were leaving on a 2 week vacation to the other side of the country, and my kind and funny boyfriend started acting like a manic irritable whackjob who saw mystical signs everywhere.

Once we got back to Portland, I managed to get him into the doctor's office again after a week or so, and by the end of the session the doctor was worried enough to put Charles on Zoloft for a little longer, but had him taper down over about a week. The doctor also sent home a sample bottle of Zyprexa, with vague instructions ("take this if stuff gets too much, or if you get too irritable.). This curbed the manic behaviour, and things settled down for a while, but he was still acting weird and saying weird things, and our friends started to notice and get concerned.

This gets us to the beginning of April, when I get a call from Charles' work, since I'm his emergency contact. They think it's best if I come pick him up. They had a meeting to discuss his erratic behaviour, and it became obvious he wasn't in a mental state to talk about it. So another round of calls and doctors appointments and now meetings with human resource folks follows. The doctor now decides that mood stabilizers are in order. Hellooo, Tegretol.

Life has calmed down a bit. My boyfriend's on meds, he's back at work, and we can talk and hang out and be a couple again. Although his work and his union has been really great about all of this, it's been a downer for our relationship and our friendship. Walking down the street can be overwhelming for him. After months of coping with all the ups and downs, I'm starting to get exasperated, even though I know better.

We both are carrying a grudge against our doctor, for various reasons. Neither of us feel that he gives enough practical information about the medication he dispenses. The recent incidents surrounding the antidepressants made me remember how little info I got when the same doctor first put me on Adderall. I used the internet like crazy, but it feels like I had to dig up my own solutions, even though this guy is supposed to be really good at ADD stuff.

My impression is that the doctor didn't give my partner enough warning about how anti-depressants are sort of a big deal, and the last thing you want to do is go off of them suddenly.

Our doctor also seems too willing to indulge philosophical meanderings, which is fine when you're feeling normal, but even when Charles was getting over the paranoid, manic episodes, the doctor didn't tone down the philosophy, and it left Charles feeling weird.

The last time we saw the doctor together, the doctor said that the episodes and behavior were signs of something that probably would have come out anyway, in a couple years. After spending the last couple months scouring the Psych/Disorders section at the bookstore, I do see his point, but it's also really hard not to have him even even acknowledge that maybe none of this would have happened if my partner had just stayed on the medication. I have close friends who've given me way better practical advice than our doctor has, and that's disappointing.

So I'd like to go see a new doctor, psychiatrist or otherwise . Charles is a little burnt out on meds and doctors right now, but accepts that after the last couple of months, it's important to have someone sane to check in with every now and then. He's still on the Tegretol, but is disgruntled about the apparent complications that medication has brought into his life.

I don't know enough about the big wide world of mental health people to know exactly the term for what I'm looking for. Someone who can be practical about real life, someone who will help us find our personal goals and then follow through with them. Someone who's good at talking to a couple of ADD twentysomethings.

Help me find a fun new hobby!

shaun uh — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 21:38:42 -0800

What are some fun hobbies for a crafty, nerdy couple to pick up? My boyfriend and I are looking for activities we can do together. (No, not those kinds of activities!). We're both very hands-on people (heh) so we're especially looking for things we can make. For instance, we really like baking together and learning interesting techniques (current project - learning the process of crystallizing flowers for decorating cakes and cupcakes). However, baking produces rather perishable results when you do it right, and I'd like to have something to put somewhere and point to and say "I made this!", so we're trying to come up with other ideas.

What are some relatively low cost, not too time-intensive, super-fun skills to learn or projects to do? Some ideas we've discussed and discarded are glass-blowing (too expensive) and clock-making (no access to power tools and such). We tend to lean towards things that have a practical purpose and are not merely decorative. And we're both extremely nerdy, so the geekier the better. (We actually discussed building an orrery instead of a clock before realizing both were probably beyond us.)

Final caveat - he'll be moving across the country in three months so we're not looking for something that will take longer than that to build or master. Right now we're in Cambridge/Boston, if that helps.

Can't wait to see your suggestions, AskMe.

Pre-marital counseling in Chicago?

bibbit — Tue, 10 Mar 2009 12:26:16 -0800

Any suggestions for a pre-marital counselor in Chicago? My fiance and I are doing a church wedding, and we are doing the Catholic pre-Cana requirements, but we actually think our church's requirements are too...minimal. Our church only requires on "engaged enrichment day" and two meetings total with another couple. The church is in my hometown and so it's a fair amount of travel for us to do more with that church. It was suggested we look into Couple Communication, which is more what we're looking for. The problem is that they don't have any Chicago-proper counselors listed (and the nearest ones haven't responded to my requests for more information...).

We'd like to find a counselor/therapist who can talk to us about communication and preparing for being married. We don't want to do a group session, and we don't want to do a weekend retreat. We have no major issues (that we know of....), but just want to have a solid base to work from and think a third person to talk to might be a help.

Do you have specific suggestions of people or organizations we should look into?

Distract Us

Yakuman — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 12:15:59 -0800

My wife and I need a distraction from the gloom of current events. We're looking for a collaborative online game we can play together. Something relatively addicting would be nice, but not a World of Warcraft or Second Life. Not a RPG, but not a board game where we play against each other, either. Any ideas?

Will the real owner of the tummy please stand up?

grumblebee — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 10:31:38 -0800

This is a dumb question about long-term relationships and stomach gurgling. Yes, you read that right! When I'm in bed with my wife and her or my tummy rumbles, we can't agree on whose tummy it is. Anyone else experience this? What's the cause? I keep thinking about posting this and putting it off, because it seems so stupid. But it comes up over and over, and I'm baffled by it. It's not a problem. It's just a nagging curiosity.

I'll be lying in bed next to my wife and I'll feel and hear my tummy gurgle. Note that I don't just hear a sound, I FEEL that bubbly, fluttery feeling. Sometimes, after it happens, we look at each other and I say, "Sorry, that was my tummy."

At which point my wife surprises me by looking surprised and saying, "No it's wasn't! It was MY tummy!"

"But I FELT it," I say.

"I felt it, TOO," she says.

This happens again and again. We both experience it as coming from our own stomachs. It seems to only happen when we're really close to each other. It never happens when we're sitting on opposite sides of the sofa.

(When it happens, we're not lying stomach to stomach. In that case, it would be understandably difficult to tell the perpetrator. We're usually both lying on our backs.)

Does anyone else experience this? What cause it? Is it really just happening to one of us and the other person is imagining things? Or do long-term couples start to have synchronized digestive issues?

Child without bedtime interrupting adult evenings

lilyflower — Sun, 18 Jan 2009 12:52:17 -0800

How can we get our friends to put their 4 year old to bed so we can have grown up evenings together? We are a couple who are both in our late 20's without children and are friends with a couple who are in their late 30's with a 4 year old girl. We like to spend weekend evenings together but their lack of a bedtime routine with their 4 year old is interfering with our relationship as adults. We like to hang out on Friday and Saturday nights playing over 18 rated computer games and watching TV programs and films which are not suitable for a small girl. Due to our friends child being up with us sometimes until midnight we are not enjoying our evenings as our friends attention is being drawn to her as she interrupts conversations, she has tantrums as she is so tired from being up so late, and our behaviour is being moderated by our friends to create a suitable environment for a child.

We have been together as a couple for 2 years and my partner was friends with them first and spent time with them before I was around. He says that even when the daughter was a toddler she was allowed downstairs late at night as he believes the mother works full time and feels guilty about not spending enough time with her. When we go around to their house we feel we cannot say anything as it is their house, but when they come around to our house they bring their child and get her to sleep on a sofa which we allow but do not feel comfortable with. We would like to know how we can approach our friends about the lack of exclusive adult time we have with them. They do not have a baby sitter but do arrange for her parents to stay with them occassionally who can then babysit but are not around much. Our friends say that during the week they do have a bedtime routine but they seem to not bother with it when we are there at the weekend. We can see that as their child gets older and starts to perceive more of her surroundings she will pick up on adult content in our conversations and on the TV. We can forsee our friends will want to moderate our behaviour further so as not to expose their daughter to adult content.

How can we talk to our friends about this and have evenings with them as grown ups without a child in tow? We would appreciate comments from people who have experienced situations similar to this from either side.

NYC couples massage

akabobo — Sun, 28 Dec 2008 12:41:23 -0800

Do you know a good couples massage place in the upper east side NYC? Looking for a place to get a couples massage in NYC. We had one on our honeymoon (side by side massage), and would like to do it again when we visit New York City.

We are staying on the upper east side. Juvenex was recommend in this thread, but we wanted to do it Saturday afternoon before an early dinner near Washington Square, however it looks like no men until the evening are allowed at Juvenex.

Price range 400-500 total, although if you know a deal that would be good too. Looking for romantic, but not too over the top for a couple in their late 20s.

Incommunicado

chara — Sun, 02 Nov 2008 05:28:22 -0800

Couples counseling without the counselor: My SO and I have some conflicts that keep reoccurring. We really need some counseling, but we're in a long-distance relationship and we only see each other on the weekends, so meeting face to face with a counselor would be very difficult right now. Do you have any suggestions for REALLY GOOD books or websites to help people navigate through relationship issues and settle conflicts? Our main issue is connection/communication. If he feels I'm being distant or disconnected, instead of telling me, he retaliates by shutting down emotionally, then when I try to figure out what's wrong and how to fix it, he blows me off. Lather. Rinse. Repeat. We want to end this cycle, TODAY.

So, any suggestions about books, websites, or just general advice that you may have?

What proportion of couples in relationships shower alone versus together?

nomnomnom — Sun, 12 Oct 2008 05:44:51 -0800

Couples: do you shower alone, or together? And why, or why not?
Just trying to get a cross-section of the population here.

I've showered with lovers before, of course, but I seem to be one of the only people among my circle of friends who doesn't continue to shower with my partner daily. I actually don't see the point unless it's a sexual situation. I couldn't imagine just showering away, in a totally routine manner, with somebody else. I enjoy my alone time! Am I a prude?

I've been with my partner for 5 years now and at this point I'd actually feel strange sharing a shower...

Why do straights use the word "partner"?

iliketolaughalot — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 20:33:48 -0800

I want to know more about the use of the word "partner," especially for straight couples... ...because we really just want to know if you're gay!

I was at a meeting of my (social work) school's gender and sexuality group, and a guy mentioned talking to a woman who mentioned her partner. Then she referred to said partner as "he," making it obvious that they were a straight couple. Usually, when someone talks about a partner, that's because that partner is the same gender. We talked about it for a minute, guessing that the woman just wanted to be sensitive after the (gay) guy talked about his partner. But I'm not satiated!

I realized I've heard this before. Do people do this for political correctness? What about the fact that the word "partner" exists because of the lack of legal recognition (save for CA and MA, fingers crossed for the prop in CA) of marriage? Isn't it a little bit awkward for straights? Is he/she your boyfriend or your husband? Sure, that's a privileged distinction, but still one that is accurate.

We queers want to know if you're on our team, and that's not helping! Can you explain?

Do Mulder and Scully count?

coizero — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 18:07:06 -0800

I'm looking for movies and television shows that featured memorable, star-crossed heterosexual couples. The man and woman must either: a) never get together, or b) get together only to have everything go horribly. No long-term relationships or on-and-off again romances, please. Bonus points for obscurity, but well-known examples are also appreciated. Examples: - Red (K. Kieslowski) - Titanic Thanks for your help! :-)

Breaking up was all too easy to do, staying broken up is hard

Anonymous — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 20:12:52 -0800

I need to find a very good marriage counselor in the Kansas City area, ASAP. My relationship has ended and there's a child at stake. My partner and I have had a very sorted, whirlwind of a relationship for almost 3 years now. I immediately got pregnant after we started dating and together the decision was made to have the baby since at the time, we were in love. Now that baby is almost 2 years old and his mom and dad are no longer living together.

The relationship suffers from the following (experienced by one or both parties): a complete lack of appreciation for anything even though I have almost completely supported him financially (I earn over 80% of the household income), lack of respect, poor communication in that plenty of words are spoken but the message is often not comprehended, terrible housekeeping skills, and lack of trust.

My partner and I are both in our 30s and are hetero. We are willing to travel as far as Topeka (from Kansas City) for therapy, and could go once a week or more if deemed necessary. I am currently living outside of the "marital home" and we've just started a shared custody of our son. I'm not quite ready to give up the ghost on our relationship yet though and am desperate for resources. Is a live counselor the way to go? Should I buy the John Gottman materials? The number of posts and websites on the subject is overwhelming and I'm looking for people with personal experience with a counselor or marriage materials that have helped them.

Any counselor that we see needs to be exceptional. We just ended our sessions with a counselor that I adored but who admitted that we were the toughest couple that she'd ever seen professionally and suggested that we should not be together. Yet we continue to try and fit the round peg into the square hole to make "us" work.

Thank you, MeFi. My throwaway email is anon.mefi.11@gmail.com.

Please give me tips about couples counseling.

Anonymous — Sat, 23 Feb 2008 20:47:46 -0800

Ever gone to couples therapy? What worked? What didn't? What different approaches are there? What should we expect? My boyfriend of 3 years and I care a lot about each other and generally have a strong relationship (we're both 31). But there is a certain issue about how we communicate that I keep having a problem with, and we haven't gotten far with solving it ourselves, even though we have tough conversations on the topic every six weeks or so. I feel committed to him, but I also feel we can't move forward together without making some progress on that.

So, I asked if he'd go to couples therapy, and he said he would. (Yay!) I like the idea that we might not only work through this issue but also learn how to better work through other issues that might arise. Now, our plan is to get recommendations from friends, talk to two or three counselors, and then choose one.

I've never done this before, so I don't have any idea what it will be like or how best to approach it. Do you have any tips for finding a good counselor? Do you have any tips about how we should approach the counseling itself? Any stories about what worked and didn't for you? What should we expect? (Surprisingly, I found no broad question about couples counseling in the AskMe archives.)

One particular question -- are there different schools of thought among relationship counselors? (You know, the way individual therapy approaches include CBT, Jungian, etc.) I have no idea what different approaches there might be, and I'd like to think about what would work best for us.

One particular concern -- I've heard of people whose sessions seemed to make everything worse and worse (hey, maybe it was inevitable, but maybe not). I am worried that maybe some therapists' approach is to go on a search-and-destroy mission and get the couple to focus on all the things that are bad. It's not that I'm unwilling to face tough issues (I've done individual therapy before), and I'm not saying that I want a purely behavioral, emotionless, skill-teaching approach either. But I would like to find someone who is more about building on what's working, troubleshooting problems as they arise (rather than going digging), and helping people get closer.

Any stories about your own relationship counseling experiences would be much welcome. Throwaway email for questions or personal stories: askme.anon09@gmail.com.

Help me find a marriage counselor in NH.

Anonymous — Mon, 04 Feb 2008 14:12:08 -0800

I need recommendations for a marriage counselor in southeastern NH or southern ME. We don't have big issues that need resolving or we get divorced. We both have some things to work on, but we need professional help in doing so. It's possible that we need counseling separately as well; there are some anger management issues and probably some things from the past that need resolving (childhood stuff).

I'm looking for some personal recommendations in the Portsmouth, NH area, or ideas on how to find someone reputable/effective.

If you have follow-up questions, you can email them to me at askme.counseling@gmail.com.

Holiday Celebrate. Just one day out of life...it would be so nice!

Snoogylips — Fri, 07 Dec 2007 00:35:30 -0800

Looking to spend a romantic get-away weekend somewhere in Texas after the new year with my husband. Possibly January or February. We live in West Texas and would like to travel somewhere nearby and stay for a Saturday and Sunday. We do not drink, smoke, and will not be traveling or lodging with pets. We would like somewhere close by preferably in Texas. We usually visit Austin, Tx for getaways but I want something closer and not so busy. Just for ideas when we do go to Austin the main things we do are eat at Rudy's BBQ, Wan Fu, and watch movies at Alamo draft house. We usually stay with friends there but I prefer something for just the two of us. Cost is a factor-hopefully something under $150.00 a night. Doesn't have to be anything fancy just away from home for a day or two. We have never been to a bed and breakfast, so i am not sure about that. Maybe a lake house that would rent for two nights for a couple? Any towns and/or ideas?

What do you want to do? I don't know, what do you want to do?

desjardins — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 08:58:44 -0800

What kinds of activities can a couple enjoy together (besides the obvious)? We're engaged, early 30s, no kids, together for 3 years. A lot of that time has been fairly busy - grad school, different jobs, moving. Now we're settled down to an extent, and we're getting bored. Well, at least I am. He doesn't like to do a lot of the things I like, and vice versa. So he does his thing, and I do mine. We spend a lot of time together, but most of that is watching TV or practical household stuff, and it sometimes feels as if we're roommates, not romantic partners.

If this is completely normal, and we should be doing what we want with our family/friends and not expect it from each other, just tell me that. But I am really hoping for some middle ground here. (Note: he's fine with the status quo.)

My interests: Bookstores, museums, academic lectures, cafes, foreign films, live music, festivals, dance clubs.
My dream vacation: Paris.

His: Kayaking, camping, backpacking, NASCAR (on TV), football (on TV), Playstation, PC gaming.
His dream vacation: A remote island with plenty of kayaking.

He's got ADD, so he finds a lot of the stuff I like to be interminably boring. Getting him to go to a museum is like pulling teeth. He's also allergic to smoke and doesn't like crowds, so festivals/clubs/bars are generally out. I've got panic disorder with agoraphobia, so I don't like being outdoors a whole lot, though a day hike/bike is usually OK. I tried kayaking and it wasn't any fun at all. Trying to plan a weekend for both of us has been difficult and we either end up doing our separate things or just doing chores and watching TV.

We recently moved 40 miles NW of Chicago, and I'm not that familiar with the area, so regional suggestions are welcome.