Ask MetaFilter posts tagged with counseling

Tricky Insurance Guidance Needed for Counseling

Anonymous — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 19:22:26 -0800

How do I get insurance approval for counseling in a tricky situation? Okay. Recently married (2.5 months). Already separated (a couple of weeks). Wife was wanting a divorce, but now leaving door open to work through issues first to see where we stand.

We both still love each other (hopefully enough to remain married, not just friends), but need to get our own issues resolved before we can begin to work on our marriage (no cheating, no abuse, etc - just issues that can indeed be worked out if we are willing to and want to).

We both want to see a therapist/counselor (on our own, not together at this time). However, my insurance specifically denies marriage/relationship counseling.

It will cover other counseling, up to 20 visits a year per member.

I would like to get insurance to cover as much of this as possible, as we're talking $40 copay a visit vs $75 a visit without insurance.

I am seeking advice from either anyone who has been in this situation before, a doctor/nurse, or someone who deals with insurance claims. I have to get preapproval and do not know what to say. Since I am not seeking direct marriage/relationship counseling, I am seeking guidance/explanations for my own personal issues (as is my wife), do I just state I need to see a counselor for depression?

I am also concerned about any negative stigma that certain "reasons" may show up as on my medical history.

Please help! This is hard enough to be in this situation with my wife, but I really cannot figure out the insurance part of this either!

Breaking up was all too easy to do, staying broken up is hard

Anonymous — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 20:12:52 -0800

I need to find a very good marriage counselor in the Kansas City area, ASAP. My relationship has ended and there's a child at stake. My partner and I have had a very sorted, whirlwind of a relationship for almost 3 years now. I immediately got pregnant after we started dating and together the decision was made to have the baby since at the time, we were in love. Now that baby is almost 2 years old and his mom and dad are no longer living together.

The relationship suffers from the following (experienced by one or both parties): a complete lack of appreciation for anything even though I have almost completely supported him financially (I earn over 80% of the household income), lack of respect, poor communication in that plenty of words are spoken but the message is often not comprehended, terrible housekeeping skills, and lack of trust.

My partner and I are both in our 30s and are hetero. We are willing to travel as far as Topeka (from Kansas City) for therapy, and could go once a week or more if deemed necessary. I am currently living outside of the "marital home" and we've just started a shared custody of our son. I'm not quite ready to give up the ghost on our relationship yet though and am desperate for resources. Is a live counselor the way to go? Should I buy the John Gottman materials? The number of posts and websites on the subject is overwhelming and I'm looking for people with personal experience with a counselor or marriage materials that have helped them.

Any counselor that we see needs to be exceptional. We just ended our sessions with a counselor that I adored but who admitted that we were the toughest couple that she'd ever seen professionally and suggested that we should not be together. Yet we continue to try and fit the round peg into the square hole to make "us" work.

Thank you, MeFi. My throwaway email is anon.mefi.11@gmail.com.

What is the feeling of having a feeling, of knowing a feeling, and following a feeling?

TomMelee — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 19:43:40 -0800

A good friend of mine just took his own life. That's not what this question is about...it's more about direction. This is long, so bear with me. I guess that's not entirely accurate. It's sort of about his death. Before I explain I want to throw out a couple "please's". Here they are:
1. Please don't ask for details about what he did.
2. Please don't tell me to talk to a therapist. I'm talking.
3. Please don't tell me sorry, because I'm not sorry for me.

Ok, so that's out of the way. Background---he was bipolar for a long time, in and out of the hospital, on and off medication, etc. About a year ago I had to be part of the team who asked him not to come back to work, as he'd become a liability. We didn't put it like that. If anything, he was a Buddhist, completely unselfish but also steadfastly unbelieving in an afterlife. He was an artist with an engineering degree (and a sculpture degree, but he was a mixed-media kinda guy)---a strange outlook with gifted hands.

So on Saturday he took the final step. I think that, given the circumstances, he tried to change his mind at the end and it was too late. I'll never know. Regardless, here's where this gets deep:

I don't think I feel much anymore. I haven't for a long, long time. Not just this, but I mean anything. I don't feel like I love my girlfriend most of the time, I don't feel like excited when I hear about friends having babies, I don't look at things with forboding, I don't get worried. I want a child, I'm ready I think, but last month we thought my girlfriend might be pregnant and I didn't FEEL it, dammit, just a shimmer of excitement and no worry at all. I don't have any problem sleeping, and I don't have any problem doing my job. I enjoy my life, I just don't get mad/sad/super happy. I haven't cried but for the death of a pet in...I think...almost 10 years. I got moist when a classmate passed away a couple months ago, but I didn't cry. I still haven't cried over my friend. I might at the service, but I don't know. I've totally destroyed myself physically in the last couple years, broken bones, sprains, strains, etc---no tears, no missing even a days work.

The only thing I can attribute that to is that, about 10 years ago, I got marginally falsely accused of some bad shit, went to court, did a little time, have a record. I think it was more traumatizing than I realize, and maybe there's some PTSD floating around in there somewhere. I pretty much call bullshit on that though, because there's on time and place I feel ALIVE and RIGHT, which is the next part of this...

Today I went to the youth center where he and I both worked for a long long time. I went there more for the teens, so they could talk and question me and just to be there for them. I know I got more out of it than they did, at least today. When I'm there I'm glad and there's a spring in my step, and when I'm talking with these folks I've grown so close to it's like it's where I absolutely need to be. I worked there for 9 years, I only left because they couldn't afford to pay me anymore. I still sneak out there whenever I can.

A couple years ago, I almost *almost* went back to grad school for counseling. Not psychology or psychiatry, nothing like that--just counseling. Just helping young people find a self-wrought path in the maze. I never did it though, because my student loans were wrecked and I didn't have any money.

I still don't have any money, but my loans are fixed.

I feel like this is my opportunity to pick a concrete reason to go back. I have no delusions about being able to save him---he needed a hospital. I've come to a point of stagnation in my current job, sort of a crisis of conscience really I think, and I find that I like it less every day. There's a lot more to that, but I'll leave it as it stands.

SO, for the question(s)...
I'm not beholden to anyplace. Where has a FANTASTIC youth based counseling Masters or PhD program that is NOT for in-school guidance counselors. (Our hometown Uni has one, but if I'm gonna do this I wanna do it RIGHT.)

Also

In your experience with this sort of thing, what did you feel? Did you feel anything? I don't feel guilt so much as I feel like it's a terrible waste of a brilliant mind and artist, and I feel like it's an active dialogue on mental healthcare in America. I'm a get-your-hands-dirty kinda guy, so now I want to do something about it. Give me direction.

Also feel free to tell me anything else you might have to share. You can even yell at me.

Also---thanks for letting me babble. My girlfriend is completely unable to comprehend and deal with stress and loss. She's been shut down completely since the news came, and she and he didn't even get along.

Marriage therapist (in Illinois)? Marriage counseling weekend?

Anonymous — Tue, 17 Jun 2008 21:00:19 -0800

Marriage therapist (in Illinois)? Marriage counseling weekend? My spouse and I have been coasting in our marriage for a few years now, but have a history of a very warm and loving relationship. External stressors (jobs, kids, house) have been doing a number on us individually and I believe that it is affecting our relationship. I'd like to engage in some preemptive counseling in order to get back on track with communication. But I've never done this before and don't know where to go.

We used to be very good about discussing things and working them out, but it takes a lot of time and energy. Lately, we haven't had the time and energy to work things out and it's led to the bottling up of a lot of feelings. I don't want these problems to fester and get worse, I want to get back to the fun and connection that we used to have. And I think having someone else facilitate this would be a good idea. If we could go away for the weekend to some kind of program, it would be awesome. But, if that doesn't exist, a counselor on the far north side of Chicago or close suburbs (we live in a suburb on the border of Chicago's northside) would be great, too.

counseling and advice

diode — Wed, 28 May 2008 07:01:03 -0800

I'm in a bit of a jam economically. I've got to make some decisions on how to proceed. Where can I go for advice and counseling on my best course of action? I don't want to post my travails here on AskMeFi. Suffice it to say that Fat City is over for now and I'm in an economically unsustainable scenario. I've got to make some life changes and wish I had some resources for making better decisions. Are there websites where people are getting support and insight? Perhaps counseling of various kinds?

I have perhaps one person I can talk to about my situation with honesty other than my partner, who is part of the problem.

Where do you go for some real-world advice and perhaps some social support while you make changes?

Graduation gift for a future homeless counselor?

scottso17 — Wed, 14 May 2008 09:43:22 -0800

My sister graduates college this week, and I want to get her a gift that will be useful for her at work. She'll be counseling homeless people at various shelters and other locations in Washington DC. Besides pepper spray (our running joke), what are some practical gifts I could get her? Price is not important. This will be her first time in the workforce, so some general work stuff might be good, but I'm at a loss for ideas. Also -- something that a mobile worker (i.e., without a regular desk) could use might work too.

I tend to buy her techie gifts, but that's certainly not a limitation. She's very stylish and loves trendy things.

Thanks for your ideas.

Marriage Counselor In Durham/Chapel Hill

littleredwagon — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 19:42:47 -0800

Looking for a stellar marriage counselor in Durham/Chapel Hill, NC Would like them to have experience with consulting couples on communication with regards to their finances home life and parenting.

Can anyone recommend a non religious premarital counselor in Des Moines, IA

unvivid — Thu, 13 Mar 2008 14:07:17 -0800

Can anyone recommend a non religious premarital counselor in Des Moines, IA (or nearby)? Can anyone recommend a good premarital counselor in or around Des Moines, IA? My fiance and I would like to schedule a couple of sessions. Also, does anyone have a rough guesstimate for pricing regarding such a thing?

We are not very knowledgeable about such things (counseling etc). Feel free to throw out some recommendations regarding the topic. Or hell, feel free to elaborate about marriage in general as well. My Fiance and I are fairly grounded in our lifestyle and have a very stable relationship. We tend to like to be overly prepared for things though. I think premarital counseling would suit us both well.

Thanks in advance AskMe!

Can a career counselor help me craft a better resume?

Kronoss — Mon, 25 Feb 2008 15:19:13 -0800

I want to take my resume to a career counselor/life coach-type person and talk about improving it. Will they really help me? And how do I find a good one? I'm not looking for anyone to write my resume. I just want to spend an hour or two discussing what I could do to make my resume (and cover letters) better. I'm in the process of changing careers, so I want talk about how to stress the best aspects of my previous job and how to best sell myself in a new field. Has anyone ever tried this? Will it help?

Please give me tips about couples counseling.

Anonymous — Sat, 23 Feb 2008 20:47:46 -0800

Ever gone to couples therapy? What worked? What didn't? What different approaches are there? What should we expect? My boyfriend of 3 years and I care a lot about each other and generally have a strong relationship (we're both 31). But there is a certain issue about how we communicate that I keep having a problem with, and we haven't gotten far with solving it ourselves, even though we have tough conversations on the topic every six weeks or so. I feel committed to him, but I also feel we can't move forward together without making some progress on that.

So, I asked if he'd go to couples therapy, and he said he would. (Yay!) I like the idea that we might not only work through this issue but also learn how to better work through other issues that might arise. Now, our plan is to get recommendations from friends, talk to two or three counselors, and then choose one.

I've never done this before, so I don't have any idea what it will be like or how best to approach it. Do you have any tips for finding a good counselor? Do you have any tips about how we should approach the counseling itself? Any stories about what worked and didn't for you? What should we expect? (Surprisingly, I found no broad question about couples counseling in the AskMe archives.)

One particular question -- are there different schools of thought among relationship counselors? (You know, the way individual therapy approaches include CBT, Jungian, etc.) I have no idea what different approaches there might be, and I'd like to think about what would work best for us.

One particular concern -- I've heard of people whose sessions seemed to make everything worse and worse (hey, maybe it was inevitable, but maybe not). I am worried that maybe some therapists' approach is to go on a search-and-destroy mission and get the couple to focus on all the things that are bad. It's not that I'm unwilling to face tough issues (I've done individual therapy before), and I'm not saying that I want a purely behavioral, emotionless, skill-teaching approach either. But I would like to find someone who is more about building on what's working, troubleshooting problems as they arise (rather than going digging), and helping people get closer.

Any stories about your own relationship counseling experiences would be much welcome. Throwaway email for questions or personal stories: askme.anon09@gmail.com.

Help me find a marriage counselor in NH.

Anonymous — Mon, 04 Feb 2008 14:12:08 -0800

I need recommendations for a marriage counselor in southeastern NH or southern ME. We don't have big issues that need resolving or we get divorced. We both have some things to work on, but we need professional help in doing so. It's possible that we need counseling separately as well; there are some anger management issues and probably some things from the past that need resolving (childhood stuff).

I'm looking for some personal recommendations in the Portsmouth, NH area, or ideas on how to find someone reputable/effective.

If you have follow-up questions, you can email them to me at askme.counseling@gmail.com.

Financial couples counseling in L.A.?

Anonymous — Mon, 14 Jan 2008 20:55:41 -0800

Looking for a financial (not debt/credit) counselor in Los Angeles area for a couple with different financial approaches/backgrounds. So, my SO and I are settling down. We have a great relationship. we're on the same page about virtually all of the big issues - except for figuring out a compatible approach to finances.

Our main problem is not debt. We are each on track to pay down the last of our individual CC debt over the next year or so. Neither of us has any other debt (we rent our place and don't have car loans). We both have great credit.

One of us has a middle-class background, went to college (took out and eventually paid off their student loans), tends to be a saver, works a career-oriented day job with benefits/retirement plan, etc., and expects to set up a college savings plan for any future children.

One of us has a working-class background, did not go to college, tends to be a spender, and has only worked service jobs to support their creative/freelance endeavors (so income varies by month). Recently opned an IRA at the other's urging, but having a hard time funding it. Doesn't think a college savings account is necessary.

We would like to work through these issues sooner rather than later - i.e., before merging bank accounts and getting married, and certainly before a baby's on the way. (We're in our mid-late 30s, so that will likely happen sooner rather than later.)

Again, debt/credit isn't really the issue. Our main questions are about budgeting/saving (hard to do when one partner's income varies every month) and setting goals, given our different backgrounds, expectations, and need for financial security.

We would like to find a financial counselor who specializes in working with couples on issues like this - not so much a general couples counselor who might just recommend a book to read or tell us to communicate better (we communicate just fine - what we don't know is how to solve the problem practically). Any recommendations??

Where to find free therapy in Chicago

white light — Fri, 21 Dec 2007 17:36:12 -0800

Is there any place in Chicago to go for free, extremely cheap, or sliding-scale-rate therapy/counseling? It's not an emergency, but is indeed urgent. Someone very close to me is dealing with general depression, anxiety, struggles with debt, as well as grief over the recent loss of a family member, and neither one of us can afford to do anything about it.

He went to a therapist for several visits previously and reported success with feeling better, but had to stop going due to the high prices of appointments.

We recently moved to Chicago and can barely transfer between buses successfully, let alone track down the kind of affordable help that is needed here. Help with a personal recommendation, advice on which directions to begin looking, or any other info about resources we might find valuable will be greatly appreciated.

I've created the email address askmefihelp@gmail.com if anyone prefers responding off the green that way

Non-religious marriage classes in Toronto?

sid — Tue, 06 Nov 2007 08:37:19 -0800

We're getting married next year. Yay! We'd like to go for pre-marriage counselling (marriage classes?), but we're unsure where to find such a thing outside of a religious context. We're both getting married for the first time and we'd like to keep it that way. Does anyone have a recommendation for a good, secular marriage class in the Toronto area? We would ideally like a group setting rather than one-on-one type counseling. I suppose we're not fundamentally opposed to religious counseling but we're both pretty staunch non-religionists (although not militantly so) so I'm imagining that most of what goes on in a Church class would not make sense to us.

What makes (or doesn't make) you a therapist?

Anonymous — Thu, 18 Oct 2007 06:50:04 -0800

How did you know that you wanted to be a therapist? What made you feel that you could do it? What doubts did you have, and how did you deal with them? If you changed your mind, what persuaded you to do so? What would you tell someone if they were considering becoming a therapist? I'm in my early 30s, and I've thought of working towards becoming a therapist or counselor for a long time. When I was in university I was struggling with a lot of destructive behaviours, and I pushed that desire aside because it didn't make sense to pursue it at the time: even though I had insight, I couldn't seem to help myself. I took some psychology classes, which I loved, but ultimately I graduated with an unrelated degree. Since then, with continued reflection, therapy for awhile, and supportive partner and friends, my overall patience and happiness with myself has greatly improved and those destructive behaviors are in the past. And so now, I find myself considering this old desire to go back to school and to really give myself a chance to learn how to be there for other people. Scares me a bit but I kind of fell into the career I thought I chose, and this potential new direction feels like something worth struggling for. I'm quiet, very patient, really enjoy listening to people, hearing their stories, trying to understand how and why they see the world the way they do, sharing all that pain and emotion. I've volunteered on distress lines. I remember what it was like to be truly heard when I needed to be and I really see the power in offering that to people. This is why this is important to me.

I guess I'm wondering, how much of this is realistic to expect to learn? I know that one doesn't have to have everything figured out about life to be a therapist, but I have these nagging doubts: Is it possible to not be extraverted enough? I still get critical about myself - does having such a destructive streak or a tendency to doubt one's abilities make it audacious of me to consider this? Are these good intentions truly not enough? Are there things about myself that I don't realize should preclude me from trying this? How did you know that you were capable of doing this heavy work?

Deep down, I know that this is a question of self-confidence more than it is a question of checkboxed external measures to help evaluate myself by. I've been wanting to ask you all about this for awhile and I'd truly appreciate all perspectives and gentle or brutally honest advice. Thanks.

san francisco couples counseling

Anonymous — Sun, 16 Sep 2007 17:44:43 -0800

Does anyone have any personal recommendations for a relationship therapist in/around San Francisco for a late-20-something hetero couple?

Help me help my brother.

Fuzzy Dog — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 23:33:19 -0800

My brother has his head up his butt and I want to help him remove it. As his sibling and one of his only friends, I wish to provide him the best advice possible. So my questions are these: 1) What is a constructive thing to say to a sibling who wants a divorce for all the wrong reasons, 2) How do you get someone into counseling when they don't believe in it? and 3) How does one go about finding a very specific kind of counselor? He'd be best served and less apt to argue with a strong, smart father-figure. My brother is on the verge of divorce, in part because he resents his wife for "not appreciating how much he sacrificed when he married her and took on stepdad duties to her children." He apparently didn't believe his life as a 30-something bachelor would change all that much. And now they have a child together. And sex only monthly (not his choice). The obvious next step is counseling, something he has little faith in (says they're all just out there to take his money). My best effort to persuade him thus far has been to suggest that he'll want to be able to tell his child that he did everything he could to keep their family together. Including counseling.

Counseling for Teens

Anonymous — Mon, 30 Jul 2007 11:13:35 -0800

Where can a teen get free, discrete counseling in Toronto? I'm a teen and I'm looking for someplace that I can go to talk to a counselor, preferably without having to wait months. This is no emergency but I'd really rather not postpone it. And by discrete, I mean I don't want to have to get my physician's referral or my parent's permission.
If you have any questions you can send them to zai.hum@gmail.com.

does therapy work?

timory — Thu, 28 Jun 2007 21:20:03 -0800

I think I need to get back into therapy, but I also think that therapy doesn't work. I have had major depressive disorder since I was a teenager (granted, not all that long ago). Although I've been able to lead a relatively happy and sane existence thanks to medication, I feel like I'm going through a particularly rough patch right now, and that it would probably be best for me to seek therapy.

I've had therapy before, of course - I wouldn't be medicated without it - but it's only the drugs that have ever helped me. I am a very rational person, so it is not too difficult for me to understand on my own what exactly is wrong with me (I know, self-diagnosis is a bad thing...), but just because I understand it doesn't mean I can do anything about it. It seems to me that this is all therapy is; that is, rationalizing depressive feelings and thoughts in order to realize the root of the problem, thus eradicating it. For me, it just seems like I'm rehashing things I already know about myself.

I've never had any kind of horrible traumas or anything like that. This is just chemical, genetic depression, as far as anybody has been able to tell. Should I forgo the head shrinking and try for a new medication instead? Is it worth trying therapy again, or is my mental block going to guarantee fruitlessness? Or is that in itself something that should be worked through... in therapy?

Relationship counselor in Minneapolis/St. Paul?

Anonymous — Mon, 25 Jun 2007 07:56:46 -0800

Looking for marriage/relationship counseling in Minneapolis/St. Paul area. Has anyone had any experience with a good, secular relationship counselor in the Twin Cities area? Low cost would be an added bonus!

I'm about out of ideas

Anonymous — Thu, 10 May 2007 05:46:15 -0800

How can we fix an ages-old family problem with recent manifestations? It involves alcoholism, ineffective counselors, and a lack of people to go to for help. A close friend of mine has some rather serious family problems, and they all seem to stem from her mother being more and more distant. My friend's mother had an alcoholic father, and for a few years, her mother has been getting counseling from someone who isn't exactly a *real* counselor. All this person has basically done is get her stuck in a rut, leaving her unable to move on with her life.

Now, my friend has some issues of her own, and her mother isn't consistently there for her. She has admitted that she doesn't know how to help, but doesn't seem to admit that there's a problem. My friend has no older cousins or sisters to turn to, and she is not very close to her father either. Me and several other friends have formed a sort-of "safety net" for her, but it's no substitute for her mother and a good family structure, obviously.

Any suggestions from the hive mind about where my friend can turn for help or what I can do to help her through this difficult time?

Would a straight man go to a lesbian couples therapist?

widdershins — Wed, 09 May 2007 10:32:23 -0800

Would appreciate your opinion on a counseling question for heterosexual men ~ A friend and I are having a discussion about this and I'd like your opinions as anecdotal evidence.

Say you, a straight male, and your female partner were having relationship issues and you decided to see a communications specialist couple to work on these issues. How likely would you be to go to a lesbian specialist couple (assuming education/qualifications were comparable to a straight couple)?

Would the fact that there was no male viewpoint make you less likely to feel heard/understood? If so, would this be merely a consideration and not a hurdle, or would it make you choose to work with a straight couple instead?

Please be honest - not looking for the politically correct answer here.

When is the right time to tell a woman how I feel about her?

Anonymous — Mon, 26 Mar 2007 08:10:51 -0800

RelationshipFilter: How long after a divorce should I wait to declare my feelings to another woman? Should I say anything at all? Ever? I am a young (23) graduate student. I am currently in the process of ending a 1.5 year marriage. The marriage has been disintegrating for some time now, and I ended up moving out in January. I have seen an attorney and have the paperwork needed to file for divorce, but I haven't filled it out yet. I definitely plan on doing so in the near future. Without going into too much detail, I'll say that the marriage is ending due to emotional abuse and my growing awareness that it was unhealthy to me and things were never going to change. I've been going to counseling for a few months now to help learn why I put up with this sort of unhealthy relationship for so long. I feel like it's going well.

Now, for the good news: I've met a girl. We sit next to one another in a class, so we see each other every day. Over the course of the semester, I've really started to have feelings for her. She is brilliant, friendly, compassionate, intriguing, etc. She is a fundamentally decent person who cares about the same issues I do and has done real work to help others in need. She knows a ton about film and loves to watch movies, which is really important to me. We also share other interests.

I really like this girl a lot and I have tried, over the course of the semester, to spend more time with her. We've gone to see a couple movies (with a group the first time, by ourselves the second time) and have gone out to lunch a couple times. It's a little hard to get her to do things, because we're both consumed by schoolwork and she's extremely studious. She has declined many offers from me, but always for real reasons; i.e., I don't think she's blowing me off for no reason. When we get together she seems to really enjoy the company and conversation. I just asked her out for coffee tomorrow night, and she seemed really into it. I'm terrible at reading women, though, and I have no idea if she thinks of me in the same way I think about her. It's probably safe to say that she doesn't.

So. I'd really like to develop a relationship with this girl. My friends, family, and counselor all think that she sounds like a great person in general and a great person for me. (They're divided on the question I'm about to ask.)

There are six weeks left in the semester. We are spending our summers on opposite ends of the country, but will return to school in August. So I've been trying to develop the friendship this semester, in an attempt to leave it in such a way that allows us to pick it up when we move back in August. That's been the plan, anyway.

But lately, I've really begun feeling like I should tell her how I feel about her. The thought of leaving the question open throughout the summer isn't appealing to me. I'd like to say something like: "I think you're really great and I enjoy spending time with you. I think I'm beginning to develop feelings for you, and I want to know if it's okay to have these feelings until we meet again next semester." If she says yes, then I know we can resume the development of the friendship in August. If she says no, then I can try to stop thinking about her so much until then. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm tired of having these feelings for her without her knowing that I do.

Some worries:
--I'm worried that my marriage situation will scare her off. I'm technically not divorced yet, and even if I were, it may be too soon. (I think the paperwork will probably take a few months, but I hope for it to be over by July or August.) I should make clear two things: First, the marriage is over. There is no hope of reconciliation and I feel like I have moved on. Second, I made sure to tell the new girl about the divorce back in January. So it's not like it's a surprise to her.
--I'm worried that telling her all this may ruin the great friendship that we've developed so far.
--I'm worried that the small class sizes of graduate school will make it uncomfortable if I tell her all this and she rejects me. (Upperclass students told us during orientation to never date fellow students.) The school is big enough that you can generally avoid people, but small enough that you're bound to run in to them at some point in the next two years.

So what should I do? Should I say something to her? If I do say something, how do I say it to minimize creepiness and awkwardness? Any suggestions or encouragement would be appreciated. Please send personal correspondence to askmefi99@yahoo.com. Thanks in advance.

How can I find counseling with no money to spare?

Anonymous — Sat, 24 Feb 2007 07:42:51 -0800

I desperately need to see a therapist/counselor in Providence, RI, but I have no money. Where should I go and who should I talk to? I've wanted to see a therapist for a while about ongoing depression/anxiety issues, but a couple of events in the past few days have made me feel completely on the brink. I really, really need to talk to somebody. The problem is that I am *just* making ends meet financially (by which I mean that my bank account gets down to single digits at the end of every month, after rent, food, and utilities--literally no money to spare). I have no health insurance of any kind.

Are there and free clinics or other professionals who might give me a substantially reduced rate? Ideally I'd like to find someone for the long haul, but right now I really just want to talk to someone a couple-three times. I'm feeling drowned.

It's probably important to note that I am *not* in any way suicidal. Despite my depressive tendencies, this has never been an issue for me in the slightest. I'm just feeling unable to work or function at all at the moment.

Counselor/therapist in the Boston area (MBTA-accessible) who is good at handling career and life goal questions?

cadge — Tue, 30 Jan 2007 07:36:25 -0800

Counselor/therapist in the Boston area (MBTA-accessible) who is good at handling career and life goal questions? In general I'm feeling like my life's in a holding pattern. I have so many options available and am overwhelmed by the idea of choosing anything, and I'm not even sure how to begin researching or deciding which would be appropriate.

I have plenty of non-goals and things I don't necessarily want to do, but I can't seem to create (or respect) positive goals for myself, things that I do want to do. Every possibility gets undercut by double-thinking - what if I just want to do something because it sounds cool or for the Kodak moments? What if I abandon my current excellent setup (job in IT, extensive social network, salary, health insurance) for a complete mistake? Why can't I break out of this all-or-nothing thinking? How can I even get hung up on these self-centered self-fulfillment issues when there are real problems in the world? What if I'm just dissatisfied with one aspect of my life and fixing that would take care of all these escape plan dreams and really make me happy?

I feel like I have trouble talking with friends about this and could really benefit from sitting down with a professional who might be able to offer advice or at least act as a good sounding board.

Location: Greater Boston area, MBTA-accessible