Ask MetaFilter posts tagged with conversation

How do I stop being the butt of all the jokes?

dragontail — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 15:08:08 -0800

Grr, how to stop being the butt of all the jokes and defend... it's getting annoying! To explain the situation: I've always been the one in a group to get the mickey taken out of.

I do make a good target though: being quite ditzy, slow, and lacking wittiness to respond to jokes directed at me. The group clown as you will. Pretty sure you all know what I'm on about :) Also, in group conversations, I tend not to say much, usually letting the rest of the group do the talking. Don't get me wrong, I'm quite comfortable with speaking - this is not about confidence. It's just since I can't "control" the conversation as well, the jokes tend to targeted more towards me. Lastly, I'm Asian, so usual racist "token" banter is present on top of everything. lol.

This usually doesn't really bother me too much, but I'm not spending the rest of my life being steamrollered by everyone else. Also, ever noticed that generally, the alpha(s) (fe)male(s) [aka the leader] in the group don't get any of this crap? They somehow turn the few they do get thrown at them against the guy who pitched the joke, usually with style to boot. I want to know how they do that.

So to sum it up:

1. How to stop being the clown? How do the alphas deal with it? What's the secret here?

2. Okay, everyone is going to get the mickey taken out of them at some point. How do I say: "Enough crap. Cut it out!" in a friendly manner? Key word here being friendly. I mean, being aggressive results in profanity, which alienates people. So how do you do it?

3. BONUS: How do you learn to be more witty so that you can turn the tables?

Conversation and Impromptu Games

Ollie — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 07:13:45 -0800

What are some fun impromptu games--I'm thinking like Punch Buggy, or Not It? AND, what are some fun conversation games--like Would You Rather, or The Dozens, or Questions, or Existential Rock Paper Scissors?

What's the best way to react to a socially awkward situation?

gregb1007 — Sun, 24 Aug 2008 20:51:01 -0800

What's the best way to react to a socially awkward situation? What I mean to talk about here is those kind of conversations with people you know just a bit that turn sour.

Sort of as in neither side says anything mean, but both people don't understand what the other person is trying to get at and get very finicky and frustrated as a result. And then silence and awkwardness follows.

The funny thing about such a situation is that though it really is no big deal and nothing particularly negative has happened, there's still a major feeling of a bad vibe. There's also the sense that because this conversation has gotten off to a bad start, future occasions will be impacted with the same awkwardness and/or perhaps a strategy of avoidance. (There's already an instictive avoidance that is grabbing hold of me)

Sorry for the long-windedness, but what's the best way to sort of deal with this situation?

How to care for my geek husband?

Anonymous — Sun, 24 Aug 2008 16:12:50 -0800

I need help understanding how my hyper-smart geek husband's brain works. I want to give him the understanding he craves but am having a hard time inhabiting his plane. I have been happily married for some years to a wonderful, geeky, man whom I love deeply. He's super intelligent (mathematician/computer scientist) and has tons of fabulous qualities, but even he admits that he's a "difficult" character: he believes himself to live a life of pure logic and despairs - literally despairs - at all the irrationality around him.

I'm also a geek, but to a less extreme extent (I'm also female - don't know if that's relevant). He admits that I am "more rational" than average but still at times rages at me for my idiocy when I don't agree with his "rational ideas". He does this to friends, acquaintances, and colleagues, too, with predictably disastrous results. My default reaction is to try to explain the causes and reasons behind mine and others' seeming irrationality, to talk about the complexity of real life and the validity of implicit social rules - but this infuriates him further.

I've pretty much come to the conclusion that as I love this man, I just need to accept how he is and find strategies to deal with the fact that there will sometimes be inevitable conflict.

However, last night, after a discussion about politics sparked off by him yelling "liars!" at the TV, he admitted to me that he often feels lonely not being able too talk about his ideas without them being "attacked", and pleaded with me to try to just "go with it" when he has some idea he wants to discuss. Now, I'm sure I often *do* do this (after all, he chose me to marry - I must occasionally get things right) - but frequently I genuinely don't know how, and we don't seem to be able to figure it out together.

For example, last night the idea he floated was that every person holding public office should be under video surveillance 24/7/365 as a condition of holding the job. I responded that this was unrealistic and that nobody would ever want office given this condition. I guess he was looking for me to riff with him on the advantages of such an idea, but frankly, I really thought it was lousy. I can't lie to him - not when he's seeking to have an intellectually exploratory discussion - but I don't know how to respond both honestly and postively when the "abstract" ideas he posits seem to me to be as realistic as deciding to raise unicorns.

Although he works with computers, his passion is mathematics, and he seems to believe that his mastery of formal logic qualifies him to "fix" things outside of mathematics. He tells me he's starting from pure logic and then wants help working back to reality. However, when so many of his "fixes" concern human beings, I find it really hard to take them seriously without immediately bringing in issues around human nature. This, to him, sounds like .. criticism? irrelevance? whatever ... it's not where he wants to go.

Maybe my discussion style doesn't help - I am used to rough-and-tumble intellectual debates, where challenge and dispute is not a negative but a spur to strengthen one's arguments. I guess I need to learn to turn this off at times.

He's a really, really, angry man, and I can see that it hurts him, as well as causing social difficulty. He doesn't want to "give in" and be like all the other "sheep" and claims to value integrity and honesty above everything else. He admits he is an idealist, and while I admire that, a large part of me wants to "cure" that so that he won't be continually disappointed when humanity fails to live up to his ideals.

I understand that you can't and shouldn't try to change someone. I accept that he is likely to remain "difficult" and abrasive. I would, however, like some advice on how to help him feel less alone. He tells me he'd like for just one person in the world to understand him, and he wishes it could be me. I wish that too - what should I do?

"Embrace your code with the elegant grip of Python...-" Wait, what?

curagea — Sun, 24 Aug 2008 00:45:34 -0800

An overly romantic person in a non-romantic world... help! Let's start with some background:

I am SERIOUSLY romantic. I think in romantic terms and sometimes want to do something purely through intuition and emotion. It's not like "Oh, thine eyes shine with the stars", nothing overly cheesy, but I'm one of those people who stares at the night sky and dream of the beyond, the city lights, the freeways, and how everything comes together, who's watching from that building across the street. Then I stare down at a stray cat on the sidewalk and think "Where are you going, kitty in the streetlight? Were you searching for the meal that never came?" Or I could go on a journey and never come home, finding enlightenment along the way. Stuff like that. It doesn't help that this romanticism seeps into my daily life so that I view even the most casual banal things in a romantic light ("the car blinkers throb in impatience...").

Which leads to me feeling alienated. Growing up with a huge imagination and no one to share it with, I always felt like the odd one out. I rather stare at the city lights and compose the next poem in my head, but this may happen at a CompSci get-together, the most recent case being a rooftop party for Microsoft recruiting candiates. Since I'm a CompSci major, I encounter a lot of techies, but true to stereotypes, they are mostly "hurhur, GTA!" or discussing tech-related jobs and code. And I honestly can't relate to them, I can't think like them, leading to me drifting off to the side and sitting alone.

Don't get me wrong: I like technology. I can code well and learn programming languages; currently I'm fairly fluent in Java, C/++, Python, and hopefully Ruby on Rails soon. I like following the latest tech trends. But I'm also a very artsy person, in fact more creative than technical, and love to talk about philosophy and other similar subjects like how the human mind works, even if I barely know enough about these things. I want to talk in my "natural" language - full of imagery and description, rather than "That was AWESOME" (which I feel is terribly overused). And I have a head full of ideas that aren't remotely CompSci-related.

Sad thing is, even the more "artistic" people - poets, artists, and writers - that I've met so far don't have that romantic edge that I have. Their world is full of postmodernism (highly unromantic IMO) and increasingly, digital media (by the way, I'm talking about Berkeley). It's like human romance/true love is a dying art or something. So I'm left feeling like I don't belong to ANY group at all, and no one can love as I can. There's a few people that I find solace in, but I'm emphasizing "few".

Am I overthinking? Am I just old-fashioned, a modern Thoreau or Robert Frost or Shakespeare? Am I putting a romantic or philosophical spin in the wrong places? I've long accepted that it's not necessary to fit in a group, that I could even form my own niche and be the sole member, but sometimes.... it gets lonely.

How can I remember to smile more?

incandescentman — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 09:35:42 -0800

How can I remember to smile more? People always tell me I need to smile more—and they're right. Strangers often mistakenly think I'm very serious or even cold, and I'm sure it has to do with not smiling enough. Around my good friends I don't have this problem, since they're constantly cracking me up.

So I need to smile more, especially around new people. But the question is, how can I remember to do it in medias res? There are so many things I want to remember—stand up straight, don't have my hands in my pockets, speak clearly. With all these things to do, how can I remember them all?

There's a 30% chance that it's already raining!

mixed greens — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 12:06:10 -0800

How do I sound like the intelligent and mature person that I am? Obviously, people judge others based on how they sound and how well they articulate their thoughts.

I consider myself an educated, well-read, and interesting person. However, I am having trouble conveying my thoughts eloquently in conversation. I am also increasingly convinced that the way I sound is working against me.

My voice has an overly airy quality and I've been told I talk with unnecessary inflections. I understand that this makes me sound somewhat silly and vapid. I tend to discuss topics with a sarcastic or flippant attitude. If I self-analyze, I think I slipped into this way of talking because of my insecurity -- I wouldn't think that whatever I would be contributing to the conversation was worth much, and if I did say something that was stupid, people would be more apt to dismiss it if I said it in a silly way. In short, I was taking refuge behind the persona of a flighty, young girl. I readily admit I am a much better listener than talker, and for the longest time, I was hesitant to talk about myself. Now, I have the confidence to contribute fully to any conversation. I've noticed that if I and someone else starts talking at the same time, the other person usually surges ahead without so much as a "Do you mind if I go first?" This and the fact that I feel that people take a dismissive attitude of my opinions is very hurtful to me and I want to take steps to change this situation.

I am aware that I use "like," "um", "you know," "I don't know," and "anyway" a lot, and I am actively trying to minimize the frequency that these words leave my mouth. I monitor the way I sound by recording myself reading. I also observe how charismatic speakers conducted themselves and try to understand what makes effective communicators.

To summarize my post, I am looking for advice on 1) how to improve the way I speak and 2) how to articulate my thoughts clearly and convincingly. I would appreciate any tips on these points. Thanks in advance!

Help me talk to my wife

Anonymous — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 08:09:46 -0800

Conversation starters needed for married couple's date night. The wife is a bit introverted and needs some prodding to get a conversation started... if it doesn't include career, kids or family. After 10+ years of marriage, kids and career, we need to spice things up and get to know each other again. I am looking for intimate, scruples-type questions we can ask each other to get us talking about our sex life...and life in general. An hour of Googling has not been particularly helpful.

What is a confusing phrase I can use in a conversation?

mckennage — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 21:52:04 -0800

Do you know of any phrases that can be used to confuse someone in a conversation? I saw a list long ago but don't recall any if the phrases. It could be a question or an answer. The purpose is to say something that sounds natural and like a plausable statement but is difficult to decipher (or even non-sensical) and makes the other person feel stunned and speechless as they try to figure out what you said. I seem to recall that one of the items on the list was an answer such as "You know that I believe that what you didn't say is true." That isn't the phrase but it was something along those lines that would be an unexpected statement and so would cause the other individual to have to repeat back in his mind the phrase as they try to figure out what you meant. I think it was the kind of thing that causes the other person to feel like they are drawing a blank or having a hard time thinking. But the phrase isn't so ridiculous that they'd be able to immediately call you out on it.

Tell me about "Tell me about" ... if you'd be so very kind.

zaebiz — Fri, 09 May 2008 15:16:26 -0800

Every time I hear a journalist say "Tell me about ..." when interviewing someone on television, I get really annoyed. It seems so incredibly presumptuous, pompous and impolite to demand an answer of a guest like that. Yet it happens all over the world. Is this standard journalistic practice? What's the reasoning behind it? Anyone else feel the same way or am I being a relic? The presumption seems to be that it is the interviewee's role to answer the demands of the interviewer. I've talked to many different people from around the world and I don't recall anyone in polite conversation saying "Tell me about your trip to Spain". They would say "Hey so what was Spain like?", "Did you have a fun time in Spain?" etc. In a more formal setting like at a formal dinner they might say "Would you mind telling us a little bit about your amazing trip to Spain?" A close relative or friend might say "Tell me about" but that's because friends are allowed to be a bit presumptuous.

(I also notice it happens on AskMetafilter and I always avoid answering those questions demanding we answer them. Maybe I am just not hip to the latest interpersonal presumptions.)

Streamline a conversation

colecovizion — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 14:49:54 -0800

Outlook Cleaning/Archive Gurus: Help me eliminate emails with similar (but not duplicate) content! I'm having a hard time finding a way to automate the search and deletion of emails with similar content. I have a manual process that I'm trying to automate.

The method: Every time an email is responded to, the full text is usually retained from the previous response.

Example (without attachments):

* Person #1 sends email
* Person #2 replies to email (includes the first email's full text)
* Person #1 replies to email (includes the first two emails)

Why not just keep the latest response in the conversation and any emails that have unique attachments? This way, you can reduce the Outlook size without compromising any data! Of course, this gets more complex with multiple recipients and responses.

The setup: Let's assume 1000 emails are in 1 giant archive folder. These emails include my sent email and my received email that are ready for archiving. Hence, my manual process....

* Sort by conversation (more often than not, the email text in the body is duplicated each time there is a response)
* Delete the oldest emails within a conversation UNLESS there is a unique attachment or unique text that isn't already in a newer email

In a world without attachments, this would usually keep the most current email in the conversation (which has all of my replies and their replies).

I know this is a very specific request, however, I think this method is pretty snazzy (to blow my own horn here) because it keeps all the unique information and it eliminates the duplicate information. Hence, smaller backups and better searches.

Any guidance is appreciated! Also if you have any Outlook email tricks please post for all to see!

"Is it really made of cheese?"

np312 — Wed, 23 Apr 2008 15:42:37 -0800

If you could ask Neil Armstrong any question, what would it be? Not interested in moon-hoax conspiracy nonsense, or anything else that might get me punched in the nose. Also helpful would be general subjects of conversation which might lead to/prompt some interesting insight into his character that I couldn't get from a Wikipedia page or straight-up biography. I'm already familiar with his entire life story, and don't want to ask the same old "how did it feel to be on the moon?" question.

He is famously reserved and it would be nice to have things to discuss that would both break the ice and give me a sense of who he really is.

I know he's a mortal like anyone else but I sometimes get stage fright when speaking with famous people I admire.

Thank you!

When do a bunch of characters solve a problem in one long conversation?

nebulawindphone — Sun, 20 Apr 2008 18:18:20 -0800

I'm looking for dialog-heavy scenes (in books, movies, TV shows, etc) where a group of people solve a problem or make a plan in the course of one long conversation. The "one long conversation" criterion is what makes this hard. Most police procedurals, for instance, don't work because the problem-solving is spread out across many short conversations in the course of an episode. The planning in heist movies tends to be the same way — split up, or scattered through some sort of "preparation" montage. I want examples where you get to watch the whole problem-solving process from beginning to end, with one set of participants, no jumps forward or backward in time, and no interruptions.

Bonus points, too, if the problem involves subgoals (e.g. "To get the money we'll need to break into the building, get past the guards, and open the safe. Now let's think about how to break into the building....")

Lest this sound too chatfiltery, there is a practical problem here: I'm doing research on the linguistic structure of conversations, and I'd like some well-known examples of this kind of conversation that I can point to as examples.

How to deal with relentlessly negative carpoolers?

Anonymous — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 15:53:25 -0800

How to deal with relentlessly negative carpoolers? I carpool with four other people. We all work at the same place (a small liberal arts college). It's convenient for me and them, reduces our transportation costs and the group is stable membership-wise. All great.

The only real problem is that the rides to and from routinely turn into marathon-length gripefests that everyone but me participates in, almost always centered around intra-/inter-office politics, remarkably petty interpersonal conflicts, campus gossip or their kids. Every so often it's about the shitty pay and benefits -- which is even more ridiculous. I loathe discussions like this and remain as quiet as possible during them. If asked about something, I'll give as positive (or at least non-committal) an answer as possible. But it never seems to shift the conversation in a more positive direction. And, after two years, it's gotten really old.

Is there anything I can do to change this? Conversational techniques? Just sit back and think of England?

(Finding another carpool or a different transit solution are, unfortunately, not options. Also, an iPod would be considered incredibly rude.)

Dodging tomatoes since 1949

msittig — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 12:32:03 -0800

What are some generic things that a band might say to the audience at a concert? I've been asked by a band to write down some things in the local language (Chinese) for them to say to the crowd during their concert, and as a hardly-a-conversationalist nerd-type I'm drawing blanks. Can you help me to brainstorm a few good ideas? So far I've got GOOD EVENING, WE'RE VERY HAPPY TO BE PERFORMING FOR YOU IN SHANGHAI, THANK YOU, I HOPE YOU WILL LIKE THIS SONG, I LOVE YOU FOLKS, STAND UP, THANK YOU EVERYBODY, GOODBYE. Yup, pretty lame. Help me think of more, thanks! Multiple best answers could be awarded.

I am tired of being ignored

Brandon1600 — Sun, 16 Mar 2008 13:05:39 -0800

What books, training, or simple advice can you give me in becoming a more interesting conversationalist at work and especially in meeting new people? I have recently taken a job as a Customer Sales Rep for an insurance company (a major one) and I have found myself lacking in the conversational arts. I have always been shy and kind of geeky and I dont seem to connect well with people unlike myself. And I really hate that. I've noticed when I am in conversation with someone, the other person seems to look for someone else to talk to and immediately takes the chance to say hello and conversate with others while completely ignoring me. It doesn't happen all the time, but enough of the time. This question is bordering on "How do I be cool?" but that's not what I mean. I just want to be more interesting and I guess more energetic. I want people to want to speak with me. I want them to ask me to have lunch. I have been listening to Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People and its been helpful but its also geared more towards a business relationship. I've also heard of Toastmasters but again its seems to be geared more towards business. I am really trying not to get involved with gossip, which I do not consider to be a true form of communication. Its just mean. If any of you have any experience with improving your social status through speaking, I am all ears.

How do I start a dialog with my wife about her weight?

Anonymous — Sat, 15 Mar 2008 22:01:28 -0800

How do I open a dialog with my wife about her weight gain? I need to find a way to constructively broach the topic of my wife's weight gain. I won't try to couch my concerns in anything but incredibly selfish terms. I don't want to have sex with her anymore because she's overweight and unattractive to me. She complains about her weight but does very little to change her eating habits or get more exercise and then complains that we're not intimate enough without ever seeming to put the two together.

The one time her weight came up in conversation and I hinted at something along the lines of "losing weight would be a good thing" she got extremely defensive and promised to show me just how much weight she could pack on. Which is self-defeating and would do nothing but push me further away.

I do love my wife and want to make this work but I am not willing to put my libido on the shelf permanently because she's unwilling to address the issue. I do not want to cheat on my wife but I have needs that aren't being met at home and there's only so many years I will be able to just put up with it.

How do I constructively tell/encourage my wife to get herself back into something more closely resembling a fitter and healthier lifestyle?

And yes, it goes beyond sex, I want to be able to go bicycling with her but she's so out of shape that I get frustrated having to wait and wait and wait and go incredibly slowly. And I also know that she'll be a happier person if she gets rid of the weight too. She just seems unwilling to actually accept responsibility for her weight gain which allows her to not do anything about it.

Please keep responses to constructive ways to address this issue. I have zero interest in being told I'm a shallow jerk because I can't see beyond her physical form to the woman inside her that I do love. I'm well aware that part of the problem here is me. But I live a fairly healthy lifestyle, eat well, get exercise, ride my bikes and workout not only because it makes me a healthier person but because a fit person is an attractive person (or so I believe).

And yes, I have read previous threads but found them to be not quite the information I am looking for.

Situational Comments

mpls2 — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 11:43:10 -0800

What stock banter lines do you keep in your back pocket? I was at a party last night, and a friend of mine was saying that he saw me "running" up some stairs, and he jokingly said I almost knocked over an old lady. I've heard him use the old lady line before, and it got me thinking about these situational bon mots that often come in handy for breaking the ice with someone, and are useful insofar as the situations are fairly common.

Other examples would be someone saying "oh, my ears!" when they hear someone swear, or making a comment about ruby slippers to a cute girl wearing read shoes.

Basically, the question is... give me your situational comments (funny, light-hearted joking ones, not mean ones).

Thanks!

(I also spilled a drink last night, but nobody had a bon mot for that)

Help me communicate better in informal settings...

pearl228 — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 21:59:17 -0800

Humble mefite seeking tips for learning to express herself better (specifically, without being too quiet, sounding too serious, or inadvertently coming off as arrogant or self-centered) in the following scenarios.. 1.) When conversing about a topic that is unfamiliar or, if moderately familiar, then something that she has not thought about in depth before.

2.) When answering simple questions about herself, or, describing oneself in a somewhat informal, but perhaps professional or adult setting--the online equivalent of writing one's own LinkedIn profile.

3.) When an off the cuff response is required!

In short, I am very bright, somewhat shy, and struggle with processing issues that affect my ability to process new and complex information, and to verbalize thoughts about such information in a relatively short period of time (as in conversation).

Writing has never been a problem, nor has language in general. I can give a great speech or presentation provided I have time to prepare. When I do open my mouth in class or in a meeting, I'm often praised for asking insightful questions or making interesting observations. Problem is, the latter doesn't happen often enough.

If you were to talk to me at a party, you probably wouldn't notice anything amiss. I perform very well in familiar situations, and I'm able to engage in very high level discussion of topics I've thought about carefully. I also make great eye contact and smile often.

It's when an unfamiliar or only moderately familiar topic comes up in conversation, or when someone asks me something simple (example: "What's your favorite painting?") that I haven't thought about in a while that I'm really thrown.

In these situations, I either (a) blank, (b) give an answer but be struggling with the processing too much to avoid excessive use of I, me, my, etc., and end up rambling and sounding self-absorbed, and/or overly serious, (c) start by making an argument that I'm not really sure about, perhaps stating opinion as fact without meaning to, or sounding arrogant and uninformed, in addition to coming across as inarticulate, simply to give some kind of answer...

As someone who can over-analyze things (innocent whistle...!) from time to time, I've heard plenty of the standard advice (try not to use I as much, admit when you don't know something, and so on). What's more, I make a conscious effort to follow this advice! However, it doesn't seem to be quite enough.

This is something I treat as an ongoing endeavor, and I realize that improvement will require lots of hard work. I try to get as much practice as possible.

That being said, do you have any suggestions? Any advice (perhaps commonly offered yet very wise, or less often heard)? Are there any good books about this, preferably with explicit examples of wording or strategies for performing better in the aforementioned scenarios (deflecting questions with self-deprecating humor, for instance)?

Thanks for reading!

Brass tongue

pwally — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 09:57:18 -0800

Why can't I articulate thoughts as crisply as I would like to? Some people can expound on their thoughts for a long period of time without a hitch. I usually express my idea in one sentence, maybe two if I can manage. Life would be better if I were able to ask/answer questions and have the other person/people be satisfied with my answer because it addressed everything that it should have.

I can answer very specific questions perfectly fine, its not lack of knowledge that is holding me back. Rather it's broad questions where I find myself thinking "sh%t where do I even begin". This most likely has to do with my predominantly divergent thinking style, meaning I do not think linearly unless I force myself to do so.

I've got this feeling that most people just have some procedural knowledge built in and for some reason it's lost on me. So how do you go about organizing what you are going to say before you say it? What are strategies for speaking like a pro?

I can haz stutter. Do not want.

Phyltre — Wed, 30 Jan 2008 00:46:06 -0800

I stutter. I don't want to. Maybe you can help. I've had a stutter pretty much all my life. It comes and goes, frankly. Sometimes I'm a perfectly smooth talker, other times I can't get a sentence out. It doesn't seem related to stress level, or concentration level, how fast I'm talking, or who I'm speaking to--some days are great, some are bad.

It's always the beginnings of words, and I can almost always say the word if I hear someone else say it (for instance, if I were to pause as I sometimes do to avoid stuttering [usually this doesn't help] and you were to say the word, I could them say it without a problem most likely.) No particular sound or situation appears to be the trigger. Slowing my speech down doesn't help, unfortunately; I've tried to start a word for ten seconds before and was just plain unable to get the syllable out. Sometimes I repeat the first syllable (as in a common stutter) and other times I just can't start the word, I'm basically unable to speak.

The stuttering is really getting in the way of my communicating with others. I have always been a quiet person (perhaps for just this reason) but my job requires pretty much constant talking to customers and coworkers. I'd love to be able to actually say what I'm thinking--something I've never been able to do, frankly. I'm very easy to get along with, fairly gregarious...but having to minimize/simplify things I say to avoid confusion and embarrassment is a serious impediment now. My father and grandfather both say they stuttered as children, but outgrew it. I'm almost 23 so I don't see that happening anytime soon.

I'd love your suggestions and any resources you might have. I can't afford speech therapy, unfortunately...and I won't be able to for the foreseeable future. So pretty much anything other suggestion would be great.

The middle-aged web?

vizsla — Tue, 29 Jan 2008 06:23:42 -0800

Where do 35 to 45 year olds hang out on the web? Do social media sites specifically for this age group exist out there? I'm fully into the geekier aspects of the web and some of the interest stories on sites like Reddit and Digg. I just don't enjoy the standard of conversation on those places and the sensationalist headlines I see there. Seems to happen everywhere eventually because the younger crowd has more time on their hands, so any site that gains the critical mass of interest starts being flooded by all these dudes who know everything already.

I'm not interested in general chat - I just want to read interesting news and see interesting websites, put my 2c in and see what mature, intelligent people have to say about it. (Mature doesn't necessarily mean calm and civil - it just means "has been around the block a few times and knows a thing or two about how things work").

Note to the young dudes : No offence peoples. I used to be a misunderstood closet superhero who knew everything about life once too ;)

Me No Speaky Good, Help Me MetaFilter!

willie11 — Sat, 19 Jan 2008 09:46:16 -0800

[ConversationFilter] Me no speaky so good no more. Please help! I've become what I can't stand... a boring conversationalist. Don't get me wrong, I have things to say. I just can't seem to say them in an engaging way. I have trouble structuring stories, anecdotes, or even simple statements of more than a few sentences in a way that keeps anyone's attention. I feel like I just end up either talking in circles, repeating the same points over and over, or going off on uninmportant tangents. The result is always that same "get to it" look on people's faces.

Things haven't always been this way. I've been hunkered down for the last few years spending most of my days and nights with my girlfriend, cat, and laptop, so it's obvious that lack of social interaction is behind this. But when I go out to be social, I'm at a loss for conversation.

Anyone have any ideas or resources? Been through something like this before? Should I just give up and adopt more cats?

Help me converse intelligently with computer guys at cocktail parties.

Enroute — Tue, 15 Jan 2008 15:09:58 -0800

Help me converse intelligently with computer guys at cocktail parties. I recently moved to Seattle, where it seems that two out of every three people I meet at parties work in computer science in some capacity. When these people tell me what they do, I would like to be able to have more than a ten-second conversation about it, which is all I can sustain right now due to my painful ignorance. I am so lost that I don't even know how to phrase my queston to MeFi, but basically I am looking for Computer Science Careers for Dummies. What are the various jobs in computer science and how do they fit together? What are some reasonable questions that I might ask in talking to people about their jobs? I'm not trying to act like I know more than I do--that's hopeless. I'm just trying to learn enough to be a decent conversationalist.

The Art Of Conversation

kaizen — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 09:35:30 -0800

How can I cultivate / find deeper conversations with people? In university it was always easy to find people ready to talk about philosophy, politics, psychology, etc. But now, as I have gotten older and supplanted myself into the corporate world, the art of conversation seems to have been lost. It would appear that most people are resigned to talking about kids, jobs, and pop culture. Am I just in the wrong social circles or does this type of small talk permeate our culture? I long to attend a French salon or dinner party whose primary purpose is the art of conversation. Where can I find groups of people who like engaging, face-to-face conversation? How can I steer people away from talking about what they saw on CNN and towards something with a little more substance?