Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with control

Why do I freak out if I don't know why?

MultiFaceted — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 20:03:28 -0800

I need help dealing with "unknown", especially in personal issues. I have an intense desire to know why something is happening, what someone's explanation is and I wind up a big ball of anxiety while overthinking it. I want to know how to be comfortable with just "not knowing", and how to be comfortable with the resulting feeling of not being able to control the situation. This latest bout of stress is based on romantic relationship stuff, but I do this whole worrying/overthinking thing in other situations too. My marriage ended because my husband just didn't love me and didn't want to be married to me anymore. He couldn't tell me why, couldn't give me a reason (literally, he just said "I don't know")...he just didn't want me anymore. I asked him over and over again for any sort of explanation, but I never really got one. So I spent a lot of time trying to analyze and figure it out to no avail. I wanted to know what I did wrong so that I don't repeat the same mistakes again (I'm assuming I have control in this situation...even though I probably don't).

Currently, there's a guy I'm interested in and we've been talking for a while (we live 5 hours apart so don't physically see each other very often). He and I have a lot of history together and he has said he wants a relationship with me but he needs to deal with some issues first (which is true...he does need to get mentally pulled together). I thought things were going pretty well overall, but for the past 3 weeks I haven't heard a word from him. I've sent a couple of texts and left a couple of messages but never got a response. Tonight he did respond to a text saying that he lost his phone a "while back" and wasn't able to afford a replacement until yesterday. I texted back asking him to call me so we could catch up...and there's been no response.

So...I have no explanation for the silence over the past 3 weeks. I understand work gets in the way (he can't always have his phone with him) but I'm not sure I'm buying the whole lost phone explanation. Even though we don't have any official ties to each other, I'm getting closer and closer to just walking away from him, but it seems like I can't let myself go without knowing why. Once again, I keep telling myself that if I know what his explanation is, I would feel better about the whole thing. Maybe he's just not into me, but if I knew why he wasn't into me I could somehow do something to improve for the next time.

This has had me tied up in knots over the past week. Right now my entire life feels out of control, and I'm desperately searching for some way to have control over something meaningful. I don't know what's next for me, I'm still struggling with getting more comfortable with my new "singleness", although I thought things were getting better. I've just been utterly overwhelmed and paralyzed the past few days (again).

So, the question is: What can I do to be able to handle not knowing/the unknown, and what can I do to learn how to be OK with not feeling in control in these types of situations?

(I do have the next two days off with no commitments so I have time to do some intensive thinking/writing/exploring if you want to suggest something specific for me to focus on)

Animal Control killed our pets, what steps to take to make sure this doesnt happen to others

Relly70 — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 05:08:27 -0800

What can we do to keep this from happening again? Round Rock Texas Animal Control killed our dogs for barking and growling. The AC officer acted as Judge, Jury and Executioner .. All within two hours. Boomer was about 3 years old. He was part pit bull, part who knows, black with a white chest and paws. I had went with my daughter when she went and picked him up from Pet Smart. He was a pound dog, adopted through Paw Match, and had spent the day in a small corral in front of Pet Smart, waiting for someone to pick him out. He tore our house to shreds, and Pookie, our Lab/Beagle mix hated him, but he was a loving dog. He had been through obedience school (and passed!) and never met a person he didn't like. Coming home, he would throw his paw on your chest until you had bent over to get a kiss.
Dart was about 2. My daughter had decided that Boomer needed a friend, so Dart entered our life. He was the goofiest dog in the world. He wasn't very smart, but he loved everybody. He would push Boomer out of the way any time he felt he wasn't getting enough attention, and force himself under your petting hand. Where Boomer chewed up furniture and carpet when he was a puppy, Dart just got into the trash and spread it everywhere. I've got a picture of Dart somewhere, I came home from work and he was sitting on the coffee table, trash completely surrounding it and he looked like the king of refuse.
My daughter moved out and bought her own home, and Boomer and Dart left my house to go with her. Today, they knocked a hole in the back fence, and the neighbor whose yard they gotten into called animal control. The animal control officer says that Dart rushed at her when she went into the back yard. This dog that I've never seen growl, EVER, charged an animal control officer. I don't know what happened, but I almost bet he was running to her to play. The animal control officer then hit the dog with a baton. Boomer is Dart's friend and protector. He 'circled' the animal control officer and showed his teeth. My daughter got the dogs back into her yard and into the house. I don't even know if she knew what had happened.
Just to be clear, The dogs never bit or attacked the officer.
The animal control officer called a police officer to assist her the vicious dogs. They knocked on her door and told her she could either surrender the dogs to be put down, or she would be fined $500.00 a day, per dog, until they were out of the city. At this point my daughter had been awake for 23 hours due to her work schedule and her baby. She asked if she could keep them until her husband got home, they told her no, surrender the dogs now or the fines started immediately. She did not have the money, so she took the dogs out. On the way to the truck, the cop actually pulled a gun on the dogs!
At this point, she started calling everyone, my wife, her husband, trying to figure out what to do. My wife called animal control, we were going to get them out of town, we were going to do whatever we needed to get our babies out of there. My son-in-law left work and headed for the animal control office to get them out of there. This all happened at 2:45, at 4:20 animal control called my wife back, and while pleading for their lives, was told that they had already been put down. In less than 2 hours, our friends, our family, were killed, with no appeal process, no burden of proof.
These dogs were loving, caring, beautiful and most of all friendly.
Our friends are dead, but, we do not want this to happen again, tomorrow, we start our crusade against the Round Rock Texas animal control office. This will not happen again, we will make sure of it.
How can we change the procedures that they follow, what can we do to get the law changed that there has to be SOME type of time limit, cooling off period, some appeal process.. they murdered our cherished pets.

Will quitting the pill make me skinny again?

Anonymous — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 17:00:44 -0800

Is it OK to stop taking birth control pills without weaning off of them? What will stopping the pill do to my weight? I know that you are not a doctor, or not my doctor. But you might be a woman or a friend of a woman who has anecdotal information to share.

I've decided to stop taking birth control. I have been on Microgestin Fe 1/20 for about three years, but it is causing problems with my blood pressure so I have decided to quit taking it. I did not talk about this with my doctor because I can't afford a visit right now. My prescription is out of refills so I plan to just stop taking it after my last pill pack is gone. I do not need the birth control medication to protect against pregnancy at this time. Is this safe, or do I need to wean myself off of the drug somehow? I know that you are not my doctor but anecdotal advice (stories of what you did when you quit taking the pill) is what I'm looking for. Did your doctor say that you had to wean yourself off of the pill, or did you just stop? I would ask my female friends but I do not really have any that I can talk to about this.

What will stopping the medication do to my weight? I gained about 15 pounds when I started and have since lost about 5. I exercise and eat well but I can't drop those extra ten pounds. Will quitting the birth control make those pounds go away? Where will the weight be taken off? The medication seemed to make my thighs and stomach grow. Can I expect those to shrink, or will I probably lose my breasts and nothing else? Or will I probably gain weight? What happened to your weight when you quit the pill?

Any other information about things that happened when you quit the pill welcome - did your mood shift, did your libido come back or go away - is welcome.

PILL MAKE ME ANGRY

Anonymous — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 11:49:47 -0800

So, I'm trying the Depo Provera hormone shot birth control for the first time. It's been about 2 weeks since my first shot, and I'm experiencing some weird effects which may or may not be related to the hormones now coursing through my veins. So, physically I feel fine. The first day I felt a little woozy, and I have had some slight nausea, but it's the psychological effects that are throwing me for a loop.

I'll start things off by explaining a bit. I'm on b.c. for my irregular and ridiculously painful menstrual cycles. When I was in High School I was diagnosed with an ovarian cyst, and they put me on the pill.

Two weeks into it, I felt more depressed and listless than I ever have before. We're talking serious sobbing spells about absolutely nothing. I stopped taking them and everything went right back to normal.

When I got to college I tried the NuvaRing. It was amazing, I loved it and I stayed on it for a full two years. At the end of that time, my insurance ran out, and without insurance my beloved NuvaRing is $50 a month.

It's been a few years now, and with new insurance that covers some b.c. but not the ring, I decided to try the quarterly Depo shot. I knew it was a risk with my history of emotional side effects with b.c., but I wouldn't know unless I tried.

And... here's the result. I've had a little spotting and occasional slight nausea, but the most remarkable change is in my demeanor.

I am so PISSED OFF! I am not an angry person, in fact most of my life I have been on the timid side, usually avoiding conflict like the black plague. I've witnessed my personality shifting in a few ways recently, but I've been especially surprised by my recent inclinations towards anger. I actually find myself lusting after contentious arguments (see bottom of post for details), and I've almost gotten into a fight with random strangers a time or two in the last week.

Things have always bothered me (of course) but I usually vent with friends or in a journal. Since the shot, however, I've found myself verbally responding in the moment. I've stood up for myself when I really needed to (and at times when it wasn't really necessary) as well as had to fight this ridiculous and persistent urge to "tell off" a few of my friends (namely one specific ex boyfriend) who have been doing sneaky things to me behind my back.

Here's my problem... the timid me who has always wished for the guts to stand up to bullies and the like, and to hold people accountable for their wrongdoings against me, is in conflict with my sensible self who thinks I shouldn't be mean, shouldn't make a scene, and should just rise above.

I've encountered at least two people in the past two weeks who really deserve a good slap in the face/public embarrassment/shake of the fist.

So far I've been able to keep myself from acting on these impulses, instead of confronting I've distanced myself from these people and given them the message to butt out of my life....

but I don't know if I will always be in such great control of my impulse to make them pay!

Anybody got any advice? I'm open to both "Go get 'em girl!" and "Keep to yourself" suggestions, and any in between. Also if anyone has ever had similar anger issues with b.c. or Depo I'd love to hear about it.

...By the way, for a little more detail and because I won't be able to post follow-up, my exboyfriend cheated on me a year ago with his now-girlfriend, and then recently my ex asked me to be involved with a party he was throwing. The job was in-line with my long-term career goals, and I was excited to do it, even without financial reward. A few days after he called me and asked me specifically, because of my knowledge and expertise on the subject, to help him out, I saw that he had asked other people to do those jobs without telling me. When I asked about it, he made it seem as if I was being unreasonable and bratty. I didn't make a big fuss, just said whatever, told him I was pissed and continued living my life. He kept me on his mailing list, however, so he kept sending me invites and inviting all of my friends. I got annoyed, told him to stop, and he did.

Fine. Everything was fine. I didn't go to the party, and felt totally okay about it. Until today, when I opened up pictures from the event and saw that he wrote ZOMB! on the wall behind all of the pictures. I made a film while we were dating called ZOMBZ.

Rip off? I think so. Makes me SO MAD! What should I do?

Help normalize my spiking blood pressure!

rachaelfaith — Sat, 10 Oct 2009 13:54:25 -0800

Can you help me not freak out about my suddenly spiking blood pressure? This is related to birth control and anxiety. Also looking for methods to calm myself down in anticipation of a reading. Some history: Have not had any indication of high blood pressure since I started taking birth control 5 years ago- I typically register in at 120/80. I was on Ortho Tri-Cyclen Lo for 3 years and switched to Yaz 2 years ago after some ovarian cysts showed up.

I used to be overweight but lost 45 pounds and am now at what I believe to be a relatively healthy weight [about 5'3", 137 lbs]. I do not smoke and I don't consume caffeine. I don't have a stellar diet, but I try to keep an eye on my sodium intake. I work out around 3 times a week, though college classes are taking a toll on my consistency.

I have had a history of anxiety for just about forever. Panic attacks, avoidance, social anxiety, health anxiety, and so on.

Went to my OB-GYN yesterday for a regular pap and pelvic, they were about to renew my birth control scrip when they mentioned my blood pressure was too high- about 130/89. They waited about 10 minutes and took it again- even higher, because I was nervous. Now I'm told I have to get it retaken elsewhere before I am given the scrip to prove it's not prehypertension or higher.

Of course, I'm now freaking out [over the possibility of HBP, over possibly not being able to obtain my birth control] and my heart's been racing ever since. I took one measure at home of my blood pressure and it was really quite high- something ridiculous like 144/89.

Now I fear that I will not be able to calm myself down enough to get back to normal, much less when I go for an official reading.

Is there any reason my BP would jump so high in a one-month period since my last normal reading? Besides deep breathing, how else can I calm myself down in order to obtain a neutral reading?

Yaaargh. Help!

kelly clarkson, thine words ring true

Anonymous — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 18:13:46 -0800

How can I learn to stop being so self-reliant? How do I begin to need other people again? I don't like asking for help, and when offered, I usually refuse it. I have this mentality that I can "do it myself," which I fear might be weakening friendships, potential relationships, and professional prospects. I'd like to learn how to not be this way, without becoming co-dependent.

A bit of important background info. My mom died from cancer when I was 10. I learned to take care of all my own needs, in addition to many of hers when she was sick. My father was physically, emotionally, and psychologically abusive towards my siblings and I. We thus had a weird combination of being very, very controlled by him - yet were forced to grow up quickly, and depend on ourselves for our emotional needs and responsibilities. We all have varying levels of this behavior, but I think I've got it the most. This might have to do with being the youngest, and having the least amount of time with a healthy parent (our mom). After her death, there were no stable adults or guardians who came into our lives. Taking care of my own emotional needs, and other responsibilities became a survival mechanism, so it's all I know how to do.

This question on learning to be less self-reliant stems from my tiredness of being single. I've been single for a few years. I've been on dates, but those haven't really progressed anywhere. I hate asking for help. I feel like I'm burdening other people, and avoid it at all costs, unless absolutely necessary. Even when someone offers help - say, a roommate offering to drive me to the grocery store to pick up things so I don't have to walk/carry it home, my instant response is "thanks, but I can do it, I'll be fine." This is my automated response to everything. It's become instinctive.

I'm no job searching after graduate school, and I think it's also going slow because I've built up this mentality that I should and ought to be able to land something on my own. Networking makes me very uncomfortable. I know it's not nepotism because I still have to prove myself, but asking for people to put in a word for me, or refer me (etc) make me extremely uncomfortable. I feel like I should be able to do it on my own, but I know that in the "real world" nothing happens like this. But I'm finding it extremely difficult to change my patterns.

In sum, I think being overly independent is hindering me from progressing in relationships and professionally, too. My problem is not that I don't think I need help from anyone - I know the world is a very reciprocal place, and we all need other people. But I'm so used to doing everything myself, am so stuck in my patterns of self-reliance, and don't know how to break out of the guilt and self-shaming of asking for help. It makes me feel weak, vulnerable, and not in control. I am not a control freak when it comes to other people, and I don't judge people that aren't independent, but making sure I "have it together" is a survival mechanism that I adopted since childhood. My question is for advice - how can I get out of this cycle, and learn to ask and accept help from others? How can I do this, without becoming co-dependent on others? What are some ways or tools that I can adopt to loosen the grip on my own self-sufficiency?

If it matters, I'm a mid-late 20-something female. Thank you.

How to DIY modify my electric smoker to control cooking temp.?

savagecorp — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 18:07:17 -0800

I have an electric smoker grill, with 2 setting - on / off. Is there a way to regulate how hot the heating element gets, in order to control the cooking temperature? I bought a bullet style electric smoker a little while ago, and it works great. The only problem is that I would like to lower the cooking temperature; It smokes about 25 - 50 degrees too hot, depending on how long it's cooking. The heating element, in the bottom of the grill, is basically an over-sized hot plate.

Is there some kind of DIY modification I can make to have more control over the temperature?? I was thinking there would be some kind of gadget/ electronic something, I can put between the wall outlet and the grill's plug to regulate how much electricity is flowing to the hotplate...? I was also thinking of wrapping the heat element in foil, but not sure if that would work either.

Do you know any good voice control software?

dhacker — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 10:51:25 -0800

I'm looking for good, inexpensive voice control software for the PC. Nothing as fancy as Dragon Naturally Speaking. I just want my voice to fire keyboard commands. There used to be a great program out there called Game Commander that could do exactly this. You gave it an application name (say, MS Word), and then you trained it to listen to your voice when you said "New" and it would fire the keystroke to create a new document. Sadly, I can't get Game Commander to work on Vista.

How do I get a server to start the connection?

Solomon — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 14:43:40 -0800

How can I make UltraVNC server create a remote connection to a listening viewer on the same LAN, automatically at startup? I've tried using UltraVNC SC to initiate the connection from the server to the viewer, which works fine if I'm at the server PC. This would be an ideal method.

However, I don't always have keyboard/mouse access to the server PC, and I don't always know when it will be turned on, so I can't just start it up and wait a few seconds then use the viewer to make the connection.

I'm open to other, similar software if it will allow me to do the job.

I need the server PC to create the connection every time it starts up. How can I do this?

Lost and confused...

melangell — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 12:56:26 -0800

What can I expect if I go off the pill? Here's a bit of history and some pretty personal details, but, sadly enough, I don't really have anyone in my life who I feel comfortable talking to about this. Anyway...

I have been on the pill since I was 18 and I am now 32. I have never had any issues with it and have always been good about taking it until about six months ago when something just shifted. Now, I have trouble remembering to take it and it just doesn't feel right for me anymore.

My husband and I do want to have children, but the past couple years have been very difficult (family problems, starting a business, etc.) and have left us emotionally and financially drained. It seems that things are getting back on track and we are thinking that in another year or two, it will be time to start moving towards parenthood. I know that there is never a right time (my mother continually harangues me about the fact that I am getting older), but it is important to me for the announcement of a baby on the way to be a happy thing.

We are not the most sexually active couple; my husband does not have a very high sex drive and, while I enjoy being sexual, intercourse has always been painful for me (I secretly hope that having a child will help with this, although it scares me too). The past couple years, we have both pretty much just dropped into bed exhausted every night and cuddled. Maybe this will change since a lot of these difficult situations are getting better, but it certainly has seemed a waste to be on the pill during this time period.

I have never used any other method of birth control (except one time). I don't want to continue with the pill or do the shot because I want to return to a natural hormonal state. I can't tolerate condoms because they are so painful. I don't know what else might work. I also don't know if being on the pill for so long might effect my ability to get pregnant. I also don't know if it is OK to not have a terribly sexual marriage. I just need help. Thank you.

To pay or not to pay: LARSO rent registration fee

booksandwine — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 14:29:35 -0800

Los Angeles Filter: Should I pay the rent registration fee even though my landlord did not give me the requisite 30 days notice? I live in Los Angeles and started the lease on my new apartment this past May. My apartment falls under LARSO - LA Rent Stabilization Ordinance. Per LARSO the landlord may collect a rental surcharge of $9.35 every year in June, which is the tenant's half of the annual rent registration fee, provided that he gives me 30 days notice. I received a letter in the mail this past week telling me my $9.35 is overdue - this is clearly not 30 days notice, and this is the first notice I have received.

I love the apartment, I think I got a very good deal, and the building being under rent-control is an added bonus. I want to have a decent relationship with the landlord. I am planning to pay the $9.35, but want to consult the hivemind to make sure I am not 1) being a doormat and 2) setting a precedent for the landlord to take advantage of me in the future.

My questions for Metafilter are as follows:
1. Would you pay the $9.35 if you were in this situation?
2. Is this one of those laws that every landlord ignores? Other Angelenos living in rent-controlled apartments, do you receive 30 days notice of the $9.35 every May?
3. The ordinance also says the landlord is supposed to give me a copy of the rental registration - I don't have one, should I ask for one? Or is it just posted somewhere in my building and I've missed it?
4. Would it be a good or bad idea to include a letter with my check citing the relevant portions of the ordinance and saying something like "In the future, I would appreciate 30 days notice"?
5. Or should I just shut up, send the check, and thank the stars I got a good deal on an apartment that I love?

Thanks for your input!

RF remote control

jjcurtis — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 13:58:07 -0800

Have AT&T U-verse installed and need help selecting the best RF remote control? What is the best RF remote for this type of setup? My main unit is in a closet and cannot see infra-red from the TV viewing room. A second receiver is in the bedroom. I have used a Niles remote control in the past but some say this doesn't work well with U-verse. I would like to have a unit I could program myself without depending on a dealer, but if those that can only be programed by dealer are the best I would go that way.

How to manage a work blog?

ialwayscryatendings — Thu, 04 Jun 2009 12:28:39 -0800

Is it possible to set up a multi-user blog where anyone with the password could write a draft, but it wouldn't be made public until, say, two other users approved the content? My work is thinking of setting up an employee blog, where we could write about issues related to our field and share information with customers and our community. I am really excited about this and would like to see it happen. My co-workers and I are trying to come up with a proposal showing why this would be a good thing, and we would like to anticipate and address concerns management might have about this plan. The main problem we foresee would be understandable concern that someone could write something inappropriate or controversial that readers would take as our business' official stance on a matter. We thought of having a moderator who could approve everything before it became public, but we prefer the idea of a collaboration, where, for example, any three of us could sign off on a piece before it was published. If the blog kept track of who had given approval, I think it would provide good accountability. Does this sort of arrangement exist? We are not very tech-savvy--would it be difficult to set up?

I have also suggested that we keep the blog separate from our official website, and that we have a disclaimer specifying that the content is unofficial. My feeling is that most readers would understand that an employee blog would be informal, but we want to cover our bases.

Any information would be much appreciated! Also, if you have a better solution or any other advice on or experience with this situation, I would love to hear it. Thanks so much.

Is there a word for things that are beyond one's control or ken?

long — Mon, 18 May 2009 14:47:18 -0800

Is there a word for things that are beyond one's control or ken? I'm looking for a single noun (in any language) that means, roughly, "thing (or things) that is beyond one's comprehension/control".

Limiting printing from the browser?

bitter-girl.com — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 13:26:20 -0800

Is there a way to allow someone to print only one copy of a document from their browser after paying for it (via PayPal or the like)? I manage a cooperative of designers who sell patterns. We'd like to make it possible for a particular set of users to print 1 (or up to X number) copy of a pattern after having paid for it, and without giving them full access to the source file. Is there anything out there that might work?

Cool it now!

gnutron — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 08:43:58 -0800

Help me control the intense heat radiating through my living room windows! Reflective film? Curtains? I live in a house. Our primary living area is a wonderful space. The west-facing wall is composed of three 6' tall x 3.5' wide windows. These windows are on the second floor, and they do not open. The sun beats against the windows all afternoon, and when it gets hot outside, it gets ridiculously hot inside. Like hot hot. Africa hot. (Often 85+ degrees). There is no central air conditioning. We have fans and a portable air conditioner. They help keep it reasonable, but I need to address this problem at the source.

Currently, the windows are fitted with custom blinds. They're nice, but they do very little to keep the heat out. What's the best way to keep the heat from radiating through these windows?

1. Heat-control film? Has anyone actually used this stuff? Does it work? Is it actually clear? This seems like a decent option. The main issue with film is that we have a great view, so we don't want to obscure it with tinting, or film that looks bubbly and cracked. It also seems like the film could be a major PITA to put on correctly.

2. Heavy curtains? Would this even work? Or would the heat just come through window and get trapped between the curtain and the window? This seems like it could easier to implement than the window film.

3. ???

We are renting, so no major renovations will be happening. Ideally the solution won't cost more than a couple hundred bucks. But it's becoming a serious quality-of-life issue that I'd like to address before summer really hits.

Network access control on a timer?

doomtop — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 08:35:41 -0800

Network access control on a timer? I'm looking for the most effective/efficient way to control access to the network at certain times of the day/week. What I want to do is essentially people logging onto the network at most times just simply get Internet access, but at certain time periods of each day the users would become restricted and not be able to access the Internet any longer. Instead, I'd like to have them redirected to a page telling them why they can't reach the Internet and when they will be able to again. The time frames change on different days of the week as well, so it isn't the same times every day.

I was thinking a linux machine with a proxy server that gets turned on/off by cron or something along those lines. I am looking for suggestion on if that is the best way to do it, or if maybe there are some more simple or elegant solutions to this problem out there.

If it helps, the application is a school environment where certain times of the day Internet access needs to be restricted, i.e. study hall time, late at night, etc.

Learn mind control for free.

Meatbomb — Sun, 22 Feb 2009 09:57:04 -0800

Learn mind control for free. Meatbomb is going to learn to do the sort of psych-out / mind control that Derren Brown does. I will not pay any money for courses or books in pursuing this objective. I won't join any groups. I don't need any certification, you just need to give me the practical abilities.

Just as an example (but not limited to this): he does a trick with having a mark select a "yes or no" card, and similarly a "select the envelope that has the money" trick. It is clearly not sleight of hand, he is using suggestion and psych-out to win.

You need to show me how to be able to do this and similar.

So, you don't mind teaching me this, here and now, or pointing me to free resources that will provide me the training to learn, great, thanks.

Bluetooth, PDA, serial connection, remote control...you get the drift.

ostranenie — Fri, 06 Feb 2009 07:32:08 -0800

I want a Bluetooth-enabled PDA to control (send arbitrary data to) a generic serial device using a serial-Bluetooth adapter. Has this software been written already or is it up to me? I have a PDA with inbuilt Bluetooth and I want to control a serial device with something like this. Will I have to write the software for the PDA myself? All the software I've seen, which there's a lot of (both freeware and shareware) expects a host PC connection and some kind of handshake between the software running on the PC and the software running on the PDA. But I don't want the PC - I just want to send ordinary serial data based on keypresses from the PDA.

Condom Troubles

Anonymous — Fri, 23 Jan 2009 17:23:50 -0800

Proper condom usage - what is leaking out? Is it semen? My female partner and I think we're using the condom correctly, but each time there is something in her and on the condom's outside.

To put it on we close the tip with one hand, roll it down over the erect shaft to the base with the other, making sure there are no air bubbles.

I pull out right after I come, usually after 3 spurts of ejaculate. Today and last time the semen was in the last (near the tip) inch and the tip of the condom (though it doesn't all leak out), and there some "goo" on the outside and in my partner. The goo doesn't really smell/taste like semen, but sort of looks like it. The condom scent and taste sort of overpower everything, making it hard to tell.

We're freaking out about it being a bit of semen, and thus about pregnancy risk.

What else could it be? Should I pull out after one spurt? Is it possible the condom is too big/loose (Durex brand)? Is it just a mix of her lubrication and the condom's?

Not really looking for advice on other forms of birth control :)

Are there any effective birth control pills.

minsid — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 11:12:33 -0800

are there any effective birth control pills out there? 1) Are there any effective birth control pills out there?

2) Does it have any side effects?

3) is it healthy

4) does it work?

How do I stop being controlling towards my husband?

Anonymous — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 08:09:06 -0800

How do I stop being controlling towards my husband? I have become aware that some of my behaviors that I thought were normal are actually controlling and borderline abusive. For example, he had a business dinner downtown that was supposed to end by 8:00, and at 8:20 I called him to see where he was. He didn't answer, and I called several more times. He said he'd had the ringer turned off and he was upset that I didn't trust him. At the time I thought this was reasonable behavior, because I was "worried that something happened to him." I'm starting to realize that what I really want is to know where he is and what he's doing. I read about people stalking their significant others, and I think that could eventually be me. The domestic abuse thread on the blue yesterday freaked me out, especially one woman who said her boyfriend made her call from a land line so he could verify she was where she said she was. I have enough sense not to ask him to do that, but I think about it.

Other examples of my (admittedly irrational) behavior: Checking his web history. Getting upset when he tells me repeatedly that he's going on a diet but eats ice cream. Controlling his videogame use and complaining he doesn't spend enough time with me. Getting upset when he masturbates. Asking who's calling when he answers his cell. He recently joined facebook and oh my GOD this is so juvenile it's all I can do not to constantly refresh his page.

The thing is, on an intellectual level, I do trust him. He's never cheated and he has solid values. Plus he is obviously very committed to me. He's affectionate and generous and I really do love him. I would be a complete idiot to mess this up. Which is why I'm here.

I am trying to stop and think about what I say or do before it happens, and I'm getting better at that. How do I deal with the internal impulse to control? I am afraid of him leaving, but I'm aware that I'm creating the potential for just that.

How can I find control issue counseling in Central America?

bryak — Wed, 26 Nov 2008 07:16:34 -0800

i returned recently from four years working in iraq and am having some readjustment issues that are probably going to cost me the most important relationship in my life. does anyone know of any sort of counseling for control issues that i could do? i've been living in a world where people do what i tell them to, or i get rid of them. when i ran a project, i did exactly as the contract specified, and took nothing less than my complete and exact specifications from the people below me. that was just the way it had to be, or control of everything was lost. i know that's not how things work back home, so i moved to central america with my fiancee so i could work on something new for a while instead of trying to go back to my old routine. i thought it would easier to adjust to something new than to go back.

after about three months, i started slipping back into my old routine and going off the handle when something didn't go exactly as i specified, then, the other day, she was stop-lossed by the national guard and i lost it. in the end, she left, and i understand why, but i want to try to salvage this if there is any chance, and the only thing i can think of to prove how serious i am would be to enroll in some counseling.

here are my problems, though; i have no idea where to look, i am living in central america and have too many responsibilities here to clean up and get back to the states for this before she deploys, and i was privately employed in iraq, so none of the channels available to government personnel are available to me.

i want to get going to prove that i want to fix this, i just don't know where to look.

Fuck Ratatouille. (I'm sorry. I still love you, Pixar. Don't cut me off.)

spec80 — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 09:08:17 -0800

There are mice in my apartment. Hijinks ensue. Now what? I live with my boyfriend and 1 roommate in the 2nd floor of a 3 floor apartment building in Brooklyn. I have only had experience with outside mice coming in my parents home in the suburbs.

Here's an approximate timeline because I am in slow burning freak out mode and I don't think I can make a coherent paragraph.

A week ago: BF finds rice grains on the kitchen floor. Looks at rice bag, finds holes, throws out the rice.

Saturday night: Roommate is in 3rd bedroom/office, sees mouse along the wall and then flatten itself to get under the door.

Sunday: I buy traps.
Trap 1 - Inside cupboard where rice was. Lots of droppings in there.
Trap 2 - just outside the cupboard. There is floor space between that cupboard and the stove.
Trap 3 (bedroom side) & 4 (kitchen side) - opposite ends of the door where Roommate saw the mouse crawl.

Sunday night: Caught a mouse (Trap 4)! Yay. Relief... Oh shit. Caught a second mouse (Trap 4). Boo... Waaaaah We are doomed, caught a third mouse (Trap 3 - saw the possible source hole). Researched online. Sprinkled cayenne pepper around the hole, under the stove burners (mouse droppings there), behind the heater near Trap 4. Called the landlord. Since the cayenne, I didn't get any mice so I thought - yay cayenne pepper.

Late Sunday night: Roommate sees mouse on countertop near edge of wall.

Monday: Caught a mouse (Trap 3). Landlord is here now. He checking for other holes - he closed up on in Roommate's bedroom that is near the heating vent just in case. He and his brother moved the stove and there were no gaps in the hole for the gas and there were mouse droppings back there. He's going to come back tomorrow and bring poison (currently, our dog is in Pennsylvania) to poison up the hole and then seal it up. I also found 2 droppings on the middle of the counter so I guess they are getting bolder.

1. Anything else I should do? BF is going to get peppermint oil, more traps and steel wool but I won't get it until later tonight when he comes home (I am home sick today and I don't feel well enough to go out). The hole is currently caulked up but it still needs time to dry. Should I insist that our landlord get an exterminator or hire one on our own? Or try home methods first? My paranoia says exterminator, but my wallet says try the other stuff first.

2. How do I stop being overdramatic because I feel like I am the only one doing anything even though BF did contact the landlord and Roommate has helped me in disposing of the mice. Being sick also isn't helping my disposition. I am acting like a whiny, bitchy baby asshole yet I feel like they are being blase about the situation. I'm trying to put the situation in perspective thinking of historical times where mice were everywhere - the thought wasn't comforting.

3. Is it a dick move (to the cleaning service) to hire a cleaning service once we know the mouse problem is over to deal with the mouse poop cupboard?

4. I think I am going insane because I keep on hearing squeaking and freak out at any squeaklike sound a la The Telltale Squeak. Anything I can do about this? I am really trying to have a sense of humor about this, but it's been a struggle. (i.e. Jokes about Willard, then actually remembering the movie Willard)

Live graphing in .NET, for free

matthewr — Sat, 08 Nov 2008 07:05:53 -0800

What's the best way of adding a "live" graph to my .NET WinForms application, similar in behaviour to the scrolling CPU usage and pagefile graphs found in Task Manager? Must be free, not too ugly, and not too processor-intensive.