Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with confusion

Hi, I'm anonymous. Wanna make time?

Anonymous — Sat, 28 Nov 2009 10:28:08 -0800

How do I deal with my recently redeveloped confidence? I'm mid twenties and a male. I'm highly intelligent and educated, in very good shape and moderately handsome. When I was younger I was precocious, very confident and gregarious, but at about 13 I started developing severe cystic acne that would get worse for many years. At about 14 I started fighting sometimes deep depression, for which I was on Prozac briefly. I learned to deal with it on my own, and things weren't really any worse than most teenagers perceive them to be. By 16 or 17 I was in phenomenal shape from extensive involvement in sports and apparently confident and attractive enough that I was dating frequently. At 18, I was about to go to college, live with my best friend and continue my enthusiastic lifestyle. Then, without relating all of the stories in detail, I lost that best friend to profound schizophrenia, quit playing my sport, developed a serious drug addiction (to OTC sleeping pills of all things), moved mostly alone to a new town, and became entangled in a two-year relationship that I wasn't ready for and felt I never consented to. I got out of shape, my acne got worse, and all of these things combined into some deep guilt, depression and general self-image issues. All of the standards, suicidal thoughts, alcoholism (I'd kicked the pills sometime during the relationship), struggling in school, etc. I couldn't see how things could change. I haven't been on a date in four years, since passive-aggressively driving the girlfriend to end things.

But wait! It gets better! I don't know if I started growing out of the hormonal things, or if I just bootstrapped myself up over the years, but lots of things started happening. In no particular order, I switched majors to something that I love and excel in, began taking Accutane (acne med) which is helping greatly, and started exercising regularly to the point that I'm in almost as good of shape as I was at my peak, became financially successful, learned to drink in moderation, and learned to dress. Bearing some relationship to all of this, my spells of depression have been getting shorter and shallower to the point that they've been nothing more than normal, temporary bad moods for some time now. More to the point, my confidence levels have been high and (this is key) non-manic. So things are going well, and have been for long enough that I'm no longer afraid of breaking the spell by talking about it.

Here's the question part: What do I do now? It's been a long time since I either got or allowed myself to perceive any attention from females, and since the confidence levels have been the most recent development which is corresponding to a perceived increase in said attention, I think I can verify that confidence really is key.

I've been getting much more attention from acquaintances, cashiers, girls on the street, wherever, which I enjoy. However, I have no experience to deal with this. I don't know how to "make a move" on someone at a party, or the protocol about asking out a waitress, liquor store cashier, or smiley girl on the street. For that matter, I'm not even sure that this attention points to the possibility of romantic attraction rather than general friendliness. The last time I was "macking" as it was called then, my main tactic was, "wanna come over and watch a movie?" Which, while possibly still viable, isn't the silver bullet it used to be with roommates around.

What do you think? How can I figure these things out? I want to date again. I want a good relationship again. I don't want to be celibate.

Is something wrong with my brain??

Anonymous — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 17:17:17 -0800

Something odd happened to me cognitively last night. Have you experienced anything similar? After a dinner party at my own house at which I'd had only ONE drink (hours earlier) I went out to walk the dog. I was very tired but felt normal. I looked at the house numbers that are stuck on my mailbox and they looked "wrong" -- I thought the number was off by one digit. That is, the mailbox said 7889 and I thought it was supposed to read 7859. 7889 looked totally unfamiliar. For a moment I thought the lawn guys who were there that afternoon must have knocked the numbers off the mailbox and put them on in the wrong order, so I assumed the other side of the mailbox would now say 7559. But again, it was 7889. I got a chill. This didn't seem like my address. Suddenly a fog lifted and I remembered that indeed it is my address and has been for the last 4 years that I've lived here: 7889. No 5s in it at all, ever. The episode lasted about 40 seconds I guess. The number 7859 seemed weirdly familiar to me all day until I remembered it was indeed the house number of a place I lived years ago, and where a friend still lives -- I sent her a letter there a few weeks ago so I guess it was in the back of my mind.
Last week I had a concussion. I'm a little freaked out. I can't see going to the emergency room over this though.
Has anything like this ever happened to you? Do I have early alzheimer's or brain damage? Or was I just tired and having a weird moment? I am 45.

Can a cold cause confusion?

Anonymous — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 18:17:32 -0800

Can allergies or a cold cause confusion? You're not my doctor, obviously, but here goes:

I've been sick for the past 4-5 days with a mild cold. I haven't had a fever, and have been getting plenty of rest. Right now my only symptoms are some nasal pressure, post-nasal drip, a headache, and some sneezing. The only thing I can think of that I've been doing wrong is that I haven't been focused on drinking a ton of fluids.

For the past 3-4 days I've had recurring episodes of what I can only call confusion, for lack of a better word. I feel slightly disoriented, light-headed, a little dizzy, and--this may sound silly--really really dumb. It feels as though my brain isn't working at full capacity and I'm unable to make decisions (although I still know who and where I am).

The first time this happened was at the supermarket with my boyfriend. On the way there I realized I'd suddenly become really grumpy for no apparent reason. Inside, I was anxious with other people, and really frustrated with myself for not being able to think clearly. Anytime my boyfriend would put his arm around me or try to comfort me it would drive me crazy. I would stare at an aisle of food and not be able to figure out what I needed to pick up. I basically felt like a really irratable zombie.

The past two days, I've had the same thing happen, but a little less severe. It's usually when I'm standing up, and usually accompanied by anxiety. It's strange, though, because I feel lethargic (not "anxious" in the typical sense of the word). It's more like I'm really frustrated that I can't think clearly.

I've written it off as being a symptom of the cold and told myself that it's normal to feel fuzzy-headed, but I can't find anything online about this. I have only taken half a Zyrtec twice for the nasal stuff. I don't have any chronic medical conditions that I know of (it's been a while since I've seen a doctor). I'm 25, female, and in relatively good health otherwise.

The only thing I can come up with is that I'm possibly anemic and this is the first I've noticed any symptoms. But it seems far more likely to be the result of my cold, considering they happened at the same time. Does anyone else get this way when they're sick? Is it normal? Should I be concerned?

Follow the yellow brick road!

Talia Devane — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 07:54:50 -0800

I need to find the most affordable flight from south Georgia to California. I seem to have too many variables though. How do I find the best flight from multiple possible departure airports to multiple possible arrival airports? Throw flexible dates in there as well just for fun. I live near the GA/FL border and can fly from Atlanta, Jacksonville, Tallahassee or the local commuter airport. I have family near San Diego and San Francisco. I'm going to have to rent a car in any case on the west coast so arrival can be to any airport within 2 hours or so driving. As this is still all planning phase I have no set dates. I just need the cheapest way to get there with two kids. Am I asking something impossible here?

I'm in love with a girl 3000 miles away, what do I do?

weh546 — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 21:39:42 -0800

I'm in love with a girl 3000 miles away, what do I do? Hi there,

I think I am in love with a girl that lives 3000 miles away. We have had no past relationship; just close friends. This is a girl I've known for 7 years and have had feelings on her before. I have had a relationship during that time period but even then, I still had feelings for her. I saw her at Thanksgiving and came to the realization that I loved her. By the time I went home in March and saw her again, my feelings for her were stronger. We went on a date and had a great time. After moving to California, I sent her a message confessing my love to her.

She gave me a response that was pretty much expected; it was something she hadn't thought about and had always considered us as friends.

Now I probably won't see her again until Thanksgiving, which will be nice. We talk on the phone about every month, usually myself initiating the phone call, leaving a message sometimes and her calling me back.

This situation may seem ridiculous, but having spoken to others about this, their solution to their relationship was to be persistent and not overbearing. I have the feeling that she loves me, but does not know it yet. As much as I hope for something to happen in the future, maybe she doesn't consider it.

I guess I am hopelessly optimistic of marrying this girl because I know deep down it would be incredible.

I am having trouble deciding if this is something that is healthy for my emotional status and should be gone through even though nothing is for certain.

I am looking for insight, comfort, and shared experiences. It would also be great to hear some good idea's to keep it interesting and exciting.

Thank you all for reading my post and for your idea's and insights.

Wille

She keeps tugging at le heart, what should I do?

Anonymous — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 20:30:31 -0800

She just keeps tugging at my heart. What should I do? She's a friend of mine (I know, I know) and I started having feelings for her, so I told her...last year. Her reaction was positive, said she had feelings for me too, and we started 'going'. Well that was short-lived, after a few weeks she essentially told me that 'we should just be friends'. I was pretty devastated but kept things friendly and we started hanging out again...as friends.

Months went by and an acquaintance of mine started hanging around her more and more often- one night we all ended up hanging out together, and I wasn't as friendly as I could have been to said acquaintance. I wasn't mean or cruel, just not myself. She picked up on this and called me later that night and we had a long talk and I told her how I still had feelings for her (stupid, I know). She didn't reciprocate. Well actually she said she was 'confused'.

At that point, I felt I needed to distance myself from her, so I suggested that we shouldn't hang out one-on-one anymore. She agreed, hesitantly, and we didn't really see each other for like a month.

Things smoothed themselves out and we went back to being really good friends. But just friends.

So it has been months and I feel like an idiot for saying this but I'm developing feelings for her again and I feel that she is too. We are hanging out one-on-one, do date like things, make extended eye-contact, hug each other tightly, and otherwise seem really close. We don't contact each other everyday, maybe a couple times a week.

But I need to know, through everyone's experience, is it worth pursuing this again? I really really like her but don't want to progress backwards. What should I do? What's the best way to go about this? An awkward talk? Should I make a move? Or should I just move on?

Adolescent dives headfirst into immigration laws with poor swimming instruction and shoddy navigational skills

mmmleaf — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 01:08:13 -0800

Help a bewildered high schooler understand immigration legislation, the current political climate and key issues surrounding the debate. Hi. I don't know if there is a previous question on this. I am a shoddy searcher.

I'm interested in reading federal and California immigration laws, the actual legislation text, and things to help me understand it. Doing extensive research as part of a project to advocate the DREAM act. My public library's reference section is not portable, although I don't even know where to start, and it'd take an awful lot of quarters to make that many photocopies...so I turn to the internet.

Immigration law is complicated. I want to understand it as much as possible. I'm not really taking my Government and History class until next year (high school level) but I am rather determined to know as much as my fresh, supple young brain can absorb about immigration, so I can most accurately defend the thing.

What are some key acts and laws to look into to understand the current immigration scene? Any intriguing articles to recommend? Any arguments involving the DREAM act that you feel are poorly addressed? Anything would help. Reference numbers. Books.

PS. This is not homework, so you don't have to worry about me attempting to swindle you all into doing my assignments.

PPS. I am sort of familiar with the DREAM act itself, and the Immigration/Nationality act, but I would also like to know your concerns if you're iffy about the DREAM act, or wholeheartedly against it. Sorry this is such a mixed bag question. Are you going to delete it admin? It's pretty rambly.

PPPS. If you are a teacher, teaching resources would help too, as after I learn everything this summer I plan on spreading the seed of legislative knowledge.

Thanks.

You can show it but not say it?

arniec — Thu, 21 May 2009 07:13:19 -0800

NSFW question about adult films... I have noticed a very weird think in some adult films (porn). And of course I've not seen this in ALL adult films, but I've seen it in enough to find a pattern.

Several of the films I've seen, especially the more high budget Vivid stuff from the 80's, the curse words are muted out, the audio goes to silence if someone says a bad word like shit, fuck, etc.

It's very confusing...in a XXX movie why would they worry about language? I at first thought it was just a flub in the audio track, but have noticed that it always happens around curse words, and if you ONLY listened to the dialogue of these movies, it's very PG rated.

Any ideas why this would be?

My head hertz.

peanut_mcgillicuty — Sun, 17 May 2009 07:19:36 -0800

More rental car insurance confusion. I live in NYC so have no car/no insurance. I can't tell if I need to buy what the rental car company is selling. I'm renting a car for five days in Georgia this week. I got the car through Orbitz--the rental car agency is Hertz.

This previous question indicates that I need to purchase additional insurance, since the insurance my credit card provides is not liability. But this previous question indicates that Hertz DOES provide primary liability insurance up to a state's limit (which in Georgia appears to be 25/50/25).

Hertz's website says this: On all rentals commencing in the state of Georgia, Hertz will provide secondary liability protection. The renters personal/business insurance is used to its limits. In the event of no applicable liability protection, Hertz, by default, becomes primary. Hertz will become primary if the Liability Insurance Supplement - LIS - is purchased. LIS is available at USD 12.95 per each full or partial day of rental. I take that to read that they provide it at no cost--but you can purchase it to make their insurance, not yours, the primary. And if you don't have insurance, it's provided automatically.

But calling the location itself to verify that was not helpful, as the girl on the phone simply said, "If you don't have insurance already, you need to buy it." I'll be calling their corporate line as well, but it certainly appears that if I'm happy with the 25/50/25 coverage they're required to offer, I don't in fact need to purchase any insurance through them.

However, I haven't dealt with car insurance in about seven years and all this back-and-forth has me questioning reality in general. Am I reading this right? If you were in my shoes, would you pay for insurance through Hertz? (It's not a huge amount but I really don't want to pay for something they'd be providing me with anyway.)

Bonus question: either way, does that insurance cover me and a secondary driver (assuming I list that second drive with Hertz), or just me?

Why can't I quit her? My head says NO but my heart says GO. please HELP!

anonymous35 — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 19:42:49 -0800

Why can't I quit her? My head says NO but my heart says GO. please HELP! Some pretext before you start reading: I'm a pretty conservative guy. I've only had one serious relationship in the past (for one year and it ended badly when I started attending college). The prospect of one-night stands aren't that appealing to me. In the four years I attended undergrad, I've had opportunities to 'hook up' with girls but decided to pass if there wasn't a prospective of a relationship. In short, I was always looking for that special connection with someone. I never found it throughout college (in part because I wasn't actively looking; instead I sacrificed the latter two years of my social life for academics). Things changed recently with a person I never ever thought of as a potential girlfriend.

Here are the details:

I'm 23, recently graduated and work full time. She's 20, and will be a rising junior at the school I graduated from. We are both from the same hometown but school separates us 100 miles apart during the semester.

We met through a mutual friend, actually her ex-boyfriend (and only bf) of two years. I consider him a good friend and while the two were dating, it NEVER crossed my mind that I could see her as a potential girlfriend. However, they had a falling out as soon as she left for her freshman year (my senior year); they don't speak to each other anymore, I don't speak to him at all anymore, (and he has moved four states over).

Things started heating up this past winter when she came back from school and I had time off from work. We hung out on a daily basis, and although there was nothing intimate, there was a special bond forming between us. Daily hugs were long and drawn out, we would hold hands and cuddle on the couch for movies. After she left to go back for school, I thought that would be the end of communication, but she constantly texted me, which would follow up with me calling her every two or three days. I would never call her on the weekend out of respect for her space and allowing her to 'enjoy the social college scene'. Plus, I didn't want to be a burden if I called everyday. Conversations would be filled with nothing and everything, and for the first time in a long time, I finally felt that special connection. We flirted through text and I talked about going to visit her. However, things reached a boiling point when I mentioned the idea of visiting her for valentine's day, in which she abruptly told me that the flirting had to stop. She said she wasn't ready for a relationship, wanted to explore her options with other guys but wanted us to stay amicable and be 'friends'. Yes, the dreaded F word. Caught in the moment, and in an act of desperation, I told her everything that was on my mind and how I felt about her, how it was only the beginning of something special, and how I didn't want to lose that. It culminated into me running out of words to say and us deciding to take a break from talking to let things cool.

Fast forward two weeks later (late Feb). I caved. I texted her a simple, 'how are you doing', and this vicious cycle continued again. Flirting. Laughing. Long passionate hugs and holding hands. Pretending everything was the same again before that 'talk'. She would now start sending emails to me at work. I visited her a few times, with the first time slept over (but on her couch), and most recently (about a month ago) slept over with her. However, things did not get intimate, and I did not want to bring up the issue in an effort to avoid that awkwardness. Note: a main reason why I am attracted to her is that she is very conservative and although we didn't get intimate, I definitely felt it was progress from both sides.

Two weeks ago, I went back to school for a big concert and she knew I would be in town, however, not a single call or text Fri or Sat. I gave her a call and we met up for a picnic Sun. Things were going smoothly until I dropped her off, and in a jokingly way said 'hey, you never called me the last few days'. She shrugged it off and said 'you know we are really good friends. You have your friends at home and I have mine at school'. We left things at that
and there have been one or two texts between us the last two weeks. I've tried to give her space by not calling her at all, especially since final exams are this week. But in the last few days, I feel like salt is being poured on my open heart wound - on her facebook, she's been flirting with a new guy non-stop whom she met through her best friend at school.

I have not said or mentioned a single word to her about this new guy, nor have I called her in almost two weeks. However, in the past five months, if there was a lull in the communication I would call her and things would be 'back to normal' and have escalated progressively each time. This is where my ambivalence sets in - I can't help to think that if I cut her off completely, then I would lose out on the opportunity. The only reason I am seriously contemplating contacting her is that I just don't want to look back and regret not doing enough at the time.

Perhaps in the back of my mind, I keep thinking that something 'great' would eventually develop out of this 'not so much friends, yet not gf/bf' relationship. However, it has become too taxing on my heart, with all the rollercoaster up and downs associated with it. I feel like I am perpetually trying to catch that prized fish, I know exactly where it is, keep dipping in the water, but only get nibs back. If I continue to try, will I eventually catch it?
I told myself I would never want to be the guy that would do all the chasing, and in order for a relationship to work, both sides would have to put in equal weight. In some aspects this hurts more than my first (and only) serious relationship post-break up. For my first relationship, the timing was right but the connection (looking back now) wasn't that great. Now, in my current situation, the connection is off the charts, but the timing is a little off. I am extremely attracted to her physically but can't see us being only friends.

I'm stuck in a rut now and I don't know which way to turn. The past year since my graduation has been a downward spiral. I had a great paying job with a career path set up, but was laid off due to the economy two months into 'the real world'. Returned back home and found another job, live at home, and give half my paycheck to my folks to help out with the mortgage because my father lost his job as well. The opportunities to meet women are bleak, since the demographics within the new company are middle-aged and with families.

So which way do I turn? Run for the hills and cut her off (something I don't think I am ready for yet), or continue to keep it casual (even though it burns like hell to find out about this new guy)? I am still (foolishly perhaps) holding onto the hope that when she gets back home for the summer, we would have more time together as she wouldn't be bogged down with schoolwork and the distance.

I sincerely appreciate any advice you guys have. Thanks for listening (and reading).

I seem to have stepped on some people's toes pretty hard-- how do I fix this?

Anonymous — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 14:01:00 -0800

I seem to have stepped on some people's toes pretty hard-- how do I fix this? I'm currently looking for a job.

I answered a staffing agency's ad for an "Entry Level Operational Position", went to an interview where she said "Looks good. You are exactly what we're looking for. Let me set up the interview with our client, client X"

I follow up a few more times that week, no response.
The next week, I call and email, and eventually get an emailed response saying "Our client has pulled their order". No problem, it's a nasty economy, I certainly understand.

Thinking about it more, I realize that I'm particularly interested in the industry, and am in a position (personally) where I could take the job for a while and not need to get paid. So I send an email to the staffing woman outlining-- "Hey, I understand times are tough-- I'd be very interested and eager to take the position as an "internship"-- basically doing the job, understanding that I didn't get pay/benefits, etc for the first three months, then they're at liberty to hire/fire me."

I follow up once or twice more in the next week, and 14 days after her response of "I'll check it out", get an email saying "I'm sorry, but the client believes you are overqualified"

Now, I can communicate well, and know the basics (think: readers digest version) of the industry... but with no experience and only a university education, don't know how things really work, so I am a bit confused. (Also- I also wonder: "Wait. Are they not filling the position, or am I overqualified?" (because the way I'd go about following up is very different, depending on the situation.))
In my followups, I ask "Hey, who could I sit down in front of that actually works in Company X?", knowing that a cursory conversation with an operator show that I'm not overqualified for anything except basic-typing.

No response, so I talk to a professor. He works in the industry and refers me to a friend who works in Company X, who I call. The man at Company X talks to me, says "Well, times are tough, but we do have an opening for a file clerk-- you're overqualified, but sure, if you're really that eager to work, let me give you the phone number of the lady to talk to." I talk to her, she asks for a resume, I send it.

A few minutes later, I get a response from the staffing agency-- a pretty perturbed "You will not be allowed to work for them unless you go through us". I immediately think "Woah! Oh hell, I just stepped on someones toes" --- for the first time connecting the position which "the client decided not to fill", and the open filing clerk position.

I think "Oh man. Certainly didn't mean to step on anyone's toes-- of course, I'll go through the staffing place if that's the job--- but wait, this isn't the job I interviewed for."

So I addressed an email to everyone. The two people at Company X, the staffing lady, and blind copied my prof. (I didn't want his friend to call him saying "what the hell is going on with this kid?" and the prof not know the story)

I wrote a mea culpa and apologized for procedural mistakes that I'd made--- explained it just as I did here, (though with correct grammer, slightly more formal than an ask mefi question... ... the petty part of me wants to send back the pissed email to the staffing woman correcting things like "you were not suppose to contact" and "you will not be consider for employment").

So I sent this explanation "I took an interview. Offered to do the job without pay, in the course of confusion as to no-response-followed-by-"you're overqualified" talked to my prof who gave me name Y who told me about job Z... etc"

Not three minutes later, I got a very angry phone call asking "How dare you contact these people again?"

Arguments about freedom of speech aside (the last email wasn't soliciting a job, just offering an explanation ... and looking through the papers I signed at my staffing interview-- nothing in them says I can't contact them either-- they're all EEO/Drug/SexualHarassment forms), how do I smooth the waters here?

I'm not looking to circumvent the process, just tryin' to get a job using all available resources--- and trying to sit down and talk to a real person. (Emails are too easy to disregard--- and I know that I make a much better impression in person than on paper)

The accidental minister's wife

Anonymous — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 07:40:12 -0800

My husband, who has been agnostic since we met and hasn't attended church in years, has rather suddenly decided to pursue a career in the ministry. I don't know what to do or who to talk to about my concerns. First off, I am Buddhist and he is Christian. I have no problems with what he believes, nor does he have any issue with what I believe. This is just a very unexpected turn of events and I never envisioned becoming a minister's wife.

My concerns:
1. He says that since ministers are essentially public figures, they must be very careful about appearances so as to avoid scandal.
a. We're both kinky, and have attended public events and clubs. He says we won't be able to do that anymore, and I'll have to avoid discussing the topic with anyone. (I'm not out about it anyway, but I don't make a special effort to hide it either.)
b. He says he's not going to watch porn anymore and is in the process of deciding how he feels about other sex acts (presumably the kinky ones). I'm worried that we'll end up with missionary-position only.
c. He says that people are bound to gossip and judge me because I am his wife. I lead a pretty unremarkable life (except for the kinky stuff) but this makes me self-conscious as hell and it feels very restrictive (i.e. sometimes I like to go to gay dance clubs with friends, my bachelorette party was at a strip club, etc).

2. I'm afraid that as he becomes closer to the Christian community, it's going to create a wedge between us. He says he has no problem with my beliefs NOW, and he's even very curious about Buddhism, but he's almost certainly going to get pressure from less open-minded people who insist I'm going to hell.
a. Then again, he did say that I can't make an informed decision about whether or not I'm Christian without having read the Gospels. I countered with "Why don't you read the Qu'ran, just to make sure you're not Muslim?"

3. I really, honestly don't have a problem with anyone's belief system, BUT I don't necessarily want to talk about it, or be around a bunch of people who think I'm wrong. I feel like a fish out of water in a church, and I can't in good conscience "go through the motions" (not that he is asking me to). I grew up as a Christian and left the church when I was 14 because it just didn't make any sense to me.

OK, so all that said - my husband is a very good man who I love infinitely, and who loves me unconditionally. He is not one of "those" Christians - he believes in marriage rights for same-sex couples, he's pro-choice, feminist, etc. We agree on pretty much everything except the whole God & Christ thing. We don't have kids and won't be having any, so that's not an issue. I am definitely not considering leaving him, but I just don't know what to do with this new information. Help?

SLI VS CROSSFIRE VS MY BRAIN

Bageena — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 01:00:25 -0800

Question: where can I find a valid coupon/discount code for a Dell XPS 730x. I've heard there's some out there for 20-25% off, but I can't seem to find anything online that's working. Failing that, how much of a difference is it really if I just build a really sweet XPS 630? The system I want, the 730X, has an Intel® Core™ i7-920 (2.66GHz, 8MB cache), 3GB3 Tri-Channel DDR3 at 1066MHZ (3x1GB DIMM), and a pair of nVidia GeForce 9800GT 512MB3 setup SLI along. If I can't find a coupon to get the price lower, I'm looking at building (XPS 630) would have a Intel® Core™2 Q9550 (12MB,2.83GHz, 1333FSB), 8GB Dual Channel DDR2 SDRAM at 800MHz (4 DIMM), SLi Dual nVidia GeForce 9800GT 512MB... the difference without a coupon is nearly $1000. It's been a lonnnnnnnnnnng, long time since I've built a PC or even scoped out the specs on the newest processors, video cards, shit, rigs at all. Like, for instance, instead of getting the SLi, Dual nVidia GeForce 9800GT 512MB on the XPS 630, should I spend the extra $100 and get CrossFireX, Dual ATI Radeon HD 4850 512MB instead?
For the record, I don't do a whole lot of gaming YET on the PC, but I could. I do use it for a lot of multimedia (like 3 to 4 TB of movies and music and stuff) and graphic design. I spent a lot of time on the computer and it'll be awhile before I get to buy a new PC again. Help?

What chemicals in the brain are responsible for a sense of mental clarity?

specialfriend — Tue, 03 Feb 2009 19:06:52 -0800

What chemicals in the brain are responsible for a sense of mental clarity? More inside about why I'm interested... I felt very tired and mentally foggy for 3 years. Finally, I went to endocrinologist, got many blood tests. Found very low Vitamin D and slightly low thyroid. 6 months later, all levels are on the very good side of normal. My physical energy is now excellent, but I still feel as if I'm chugging cough syrup all day -- drugged and foggy.

I feel progressively worse throughout the day, which makes me think I'm running out of (or accumulating) something. But what?

All suggestions for fixes welcome, though I should note that I've tried almost every dietary fix, better sleep, exercise, meditation-- you name it. This is why I gotten down to brass tacks and neurotransmitters in my question. Thanks, everybody!

Help! My undergrad years were mediocre! What should I do?

Anonymous — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 15:09:22 -0800

How did you deal with a crappy undergraduate degree and accompanying unhappiness? Were you able to somehow get into a good education afterwords? My undergrad years (recently graduated) did not go as planned. I made few friends. I don't know any of my profs. I ended up hating my chosen subject (English Lit.). My GPA was a solid 3.3-something, but the lack of contacts and good examples of my writing (didn't do a thesis) make it extremely difficult to apply to a master's program. What the hell would I apply to anyway? Many of you will answer "Travel!" bu I have no money to do so. I need to break my dependence on my parents (who I live with), so teaching English abroad is a no-go (most of those jobs pay peanuts, I can't afford to travel to any of these foreign countries, and even if I could, it won't help me get a job when i return - it doesn't solve the main problem). I'm so isolated I need to break free. My concentration is so shot I can't even read for pleasure anymore.

If I don't get out of this tiny Canadian shithole in the prairies, I'll go nuts, I swear. I'm sorry this is so scattered. 1) How did you deal with the general confusion if you went through something similar, and 2) what are some practical solutions to applying to master's programs, etc given my so-so undergrad years if I ever decide what I want to do with myself?

No, the other left!

Listener — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 19:20:11 -0800

Need to overcome problems with opposites like right/left, before/after, above/below. My friend is hoping to overcome his maddening behaviour of making mistakes with opposites, not just left and right. It seems to be a problem with the words, whether written or spoken. He just flips them often. We've practised with body left/right hand, direction, and things in the environment, but I wonder if there are some good tips or even learning resources that would help with this. He actually probably missed out on a job because of confusing something/nothing in a written instruction, so he now realizes he has to get a grip on this thing. He even sometimes makes up an opposite where none exists, by adding or removing a negative prefix. He's not mentally or linguistically weak; in fact he's very good in more than one language and with complex abstract subjects in computing. Just lousy with basic opposites. Your suggestions appreciated.

How do I keep my head straight about a girl?

weh546 — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 00:20:13 -0800

How do I keep my head straight about a girl, while being the rebound, even though I am really interested in her? Very confused. So I recently had a one night stand with one of my friends who I know from school. This is a girl that I had been interested in since I met her last year, but didn't want to do anything since she was taken. She broke up with her boyfriend, told me about it, and I moved in as the rebound and met with her this past weekend for a night in the city. As a one night stand I'm not sure what to do in this position.

Leading up to the event of us hanging out was fun, it was exciting and we were flirting over the phone by text messaging. The idea of meeting in the city was even both ways. I had a great time in the city with her and it was nice to be with a girl. This was also something that she wanted also, and I was happy to give her comfort and relaxation.

Since then, I feel I am in more of a negative position, more so feeling like a burden rather than a positive influence of comfort. I feel that by talking to her I am overwhelming her, and am maybe being a little obsessive about it.

I obviously am not intending to be overwhelming but I might be coming across that way. I really just want to tell her that I understand that she has a lot going on, that she needs to figure things out, and that she should sort those out and not even worry about my feelings.

I kind of just want to keep the door open for later possibilities because I know that she wants to figure things out right now.

I'm really at a loss for what to do and am definitely confused. I don't want to end up pushing her away, I really want to keep this open and just as positive as it was.

I feel I am always the one trying to make more out of what was there in the end. Situations like this have happened in the past, I get depressed, and honestly, it sucks. I think the one day no call thing really works wonders. How do I come across as being friendly without making myself so vulnerable?

After writing this, I also think I am the one that needs to take is slow and easy.

Please help me interpret this encounter

tracert — Sun, 16 Nov 2008 15:12:59 -0800

Something weird happened and I'm not sure if I'm supposed to do anything. Please help me interpret this encounter. So a weird thing happened earlier this week. I don't know what to make of it, so I'll just describe everything that I can recall in detail.

My friend and I are both in our early 20's. My buddy is recently graduated and I will be pretty soon. We sort of... look the part, if that means anything. We're both unemployed at the moment.

We were riding the streetcar downtown, and for pretty much the whole trip we were talking about our experiences playing Fallout 3, which is a video game we've both been pretty into recently. Mostly our discussion was centred around the games open world design and the various choices we had made with respect to resolving situations in the game. We are both huge fucking nerds, and also I have a computer engineering background, so our talk was fairly technical in nature.

Anyway, after about 10 minutes of this, a dude sitting besides us spoke up. First, he wanted to clarify that we were talking about a game. After we replied in the affirmative, he was interested in the idea of open world games and wanted to know about the degree of freedom provided. We gave fairly rambling answers, I don't remember exactly how cogent they were. Next, he asked where we working or if we were students. We gave our statuses\backgrounds. Immediately after, this guy gives us a business card and tells us a little about what he does. Then it's his stop, so he tells us to drop him an email sometime "if we want to talk" and gets off the streetcar.

I estimate this entire encounter was between 2.5-3 minutes long. So not a lot of time to clarify what was going on. Later, my friend and I check out the website given on the business card. Turns out this guy is the founder of a web\new media company. He's got a Ph.D and some pretty serious credentials.

That was on Tuesday, and since then we've been indecisive about what to do, if anything. Was this a job opportunity, or does this guy just want to know more about video games? Should we email him? If so, what exactly should we say? So far I have come up with "Hi, that streetcar ride was pretty okay. I like video games. Please give me a job now", but I feel like that probably isn't the best thing to say.

I don't want to lose an opportunity if there is one here, so any input or thoughts would be greatly appreciated. What do you guys think?

What to expect: filing for separation in North Carolina?

Anonymous — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 18:44:17 -0800

Here we go again. It looks like we're getting separated. In North Carolina. Short-term marriage, no joint property, no kids. I've read the submitted AskMe questions, but I'm hoping to get some specific information. Dated for a few years, got married. Both of us have discovered that we have some issues and faults that cannot be resolved through counselling; there are what I consider controlling behaviors from the spouse and what the spouse considers infidelity on my part. This is not ugly, but it's not a happy time, either. We own no joint property, have been married for 6 months, have no kids, and both have careers with decent incomes. We're currently on an apartment lease that ends in January. He is in the process of possibly moving back home across the state. We have a little information, such as having to file for separation first, for a year, and then a no-fault divorce. I have no idea what to expect, as my parents are still together. My spouse is much more volitile regarding this situation than I am; he is vacillating between begging for a chance to change his behavior and claiming that I am a lying cheating dirtbag. This never has been-and especially now-a healthy relationship. I have a very good support network of friends, family, and co-workers. Basically, what am I looking for is: what to do, what might happen, what this might cost, how I broach this subject with family? Thanks. I appreciate it.

I'm trapped in a surname factory and I can't get out!

kalessin — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 05:18:56 -0800

My subcontinental Indian co-workers and vendors keep using my surname as my first name when corresponding with me in e-mail. Why? Also, what's a good way to correct folks who do this while being as polite and supportive as possible?

My name (at work - my full legal name is rather longer) is "Malcolm Gin". When I correspond with subcontinental Indians who don't know me well personally, it seems like there is a 50/50 chance that they'll address e-mails to me as "Gin,".

My first theory was that "Gin" was a common first name in India, but that doesn't seem to be the case.

For further context, our company e-mail directory uses the format, "Last Name, First Name" for our e-mail client, and my email address is "mgin@companyname.com".

Is "Malcolm" a common surname in India?

Being friends with friends of my partner's ex?

DuckGirl — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 19:55:42 -0800

Posted a question here about my situation as it stood about 9 months ago and got some good feedback. My question now relates in some way to my previous question and how the situation has evolved. Quick recap: I was experiencing discomfort around my boyfriend and an ex of his who I suspected still had feelings for him (based mainly on the fact that she had told him just before we started dating that she was still in love with him). However, I had not actually had much direct interaction with her, until about a month after I posted this question, when my boyfriend and I ran into her while out for dinner and she approached our table and proceeded to spend over 5 minutes talking ONLY to my boyfriend while barely acknowledging my presence at all. This sort of escalated all of my previous irritation about the situation, because my boyfriend had been telling me for months how much she wanted to meet me, how much he was sure she'd like me, etc. When push came to shove, it really seemed as though all she was interested in was her friendship/connection with him, not me. So, my boyfriend had a talk with her through emails, and basically since then has had very limited contact with her.

About a month ago, we found out that some very good friends of hers (who he had spent a lot of time with while in that relationship) had moved into our neighborhood. He expressed an interest in hanging out with them, and I told him I would be okay with that as long as it didn't have to involve his ex at all and as long as they didn't perceive me as the jerk who doesn't like their friend. The female of the couple actually addressed this with my boyfriend directly, telling him she hoped we could all form a friendship together, regardless of the original connection (the ex).

So, we've hung out with them as a couple a few times. They are wonderful people, and a lot of fun. The female and I also have a lot in common and happen to also go to the same yoga studio, so we've started talking a bit outside of our "couple time," and that's nice as I don't always find female friendships to be the easiest to come by.

But.....I feel a little awkward about the connection to the ex. I feel like it's inevitable that we're going to run into her while with them and it's going to be uncomfortable for everyone. I feel strange sort of becoming friends with this woman who is friends with the ex. Odd as it might sound, I actually don't want to cause her pain, even though I also don't want to know anything about her. I feel like I should bring this up with the female I am becoming friends with, but am not really sure how.

Anyone have any nuggets? Is it ok for my boyfriend and I to spend time and develop a friendship with people he used to hang out with when dating his ex? Is it ok for me to have a friendship with a woman who is still friends with his ex? How do I initiate some kind of discussion about this with her (do I?)

What did I do? Or, what did I not do?

sixcolors — Wed, 28 May 2008 17:49:06 -0800

How can I gain a friend's trust? I have a certain friend that I like a lot (as a friend), and I would like to become closer friends. She has said that she doesn't dislike me at all, but she does not trust me. I asked her why, but she would not go into detail. All she has mentioned is that she doesn't know me well enough.

Well, I find her comments quite strange. We've known each other for two years, I have NEVER did anything to screw her over. I have never talked behind her back, flirted with her boyfriends, stolen from her...or done anything else shady to her.

Now, she's one of those people who have like over 200 friends on myspace, she makes new friends wherever she goes, will catch rides from strangers, and sleep over at peoples apartments that she barely knows. It seems like she doesn't have trust issues with other people, even if she barely knows them. As for people she do know, she trusts some people who I consider to be very shady.

Yet she doesn't trust me. I don't get it.

I would like to get to the root of her distrust. Obviously she's going by some criteria that I'm not aware of. What can cause someone to distrust a person, even though that person has never did anything bad to them? Is there anything that I can do?

She likes me, I like her... Why can't it be so simple?

Anonymous — Tue, 20 May 2008 12:50:42 -0800

What exactly did I do wrong with this girl, and what can I do to rectify it? I met a girl briefly at a bar a few weeks ago. We had a very short conversation and she seemed cool, but I didn't think much of it. A few days later, I got a contact from a mutual friend who asked if he could give her my info. I said yes and we started talking.

After playing email/text tag for a few days, we finally met up and went out to dinner and a bar. We had a great time and she kept saying how happy she was to be there and how much she needed to thank our mutual friend for hooking us up. We had a ton in common and definitely didn't have any trouble keeping up the conversation.

A few days later I had a performance and she couldn't make it, but she texted to apologize, saying that she had to work early the next day. That next night, we both had plans to go to the same party, so we texted a bit and decided we'd see each other there. I met up with an acquaintance and we went to the party together, and he casually mentioned that she was going to be there, which seemed odd to me, since he didn't even know that she and I had been hanging out.

Once at the party, things started out really well and we were very flirty. Eventually, though, she got a little too wasted and started hanging all over everybody. I'm not normally the jealous type, but given some recent events with fickle girls, this just rubbed me the wrong way, especially given that she paid particular attention to the aforementioned acquaintance.

The next night was her birthday and I decided to skip the party at her house (even though I told her I would come), probably in an annoyingly passive-aggressive move. About an hour after her party started, she texted me to ask where I was, and I told her I didn't think I could make it.

I woke up the next morning feeling really bad about not going to the party, so I emailed her and told her I was really sorry I couldn't make it, and hopefully I could take her out to dinner to make up for it. She sent me a really nice reply to the effect of "I wish you were there but I know I will see you soon," but made no allusion to the dinner. I replied and reiterated that I would really like to take her to dinner this week, but I've had no reply and it's been a few days.

I know I'm overthinking this quite a bit, but I can't seem to help it. I have no idea what to do for a next move... My instinct is to just drop it and move on, but I actually really like her and could see things working between us. I also know that she really likes me, given her actions.

Anyway, followup questions to throwaway email can be sent to: confusedlover@hushmail.com.

Axe Me!

sweet mister — Tue, 26 Feb 2008 11:50:32 -0800

Which semi-acoustic guitar should I buy? I've been browsing through guitar listings for several days now and my brain has turned to jelly trying to figure out which semi-acoustic I should buy, so I'm turning to the hive mind.

Here are my data points:

* I already have a bass, a Fender Jazzmaster and a Burns DoubleSix 12-string. I want a nice semi, preferably with humbuckers, mostly for noodling around in the house but also for mucking around learning to play blues properly, which I've never done.

* I want something that's basically like a 335, as traditional looking as possible, with a decent acoustic sound and a nice fast neck.

* I've had great luck with Korean guitars so I'm not opposed to stuff made in the Far East.

* In terms of price, it's 'under $2000' but really I'd rather spend less. The high end would only be justified for a guitar that was going to hold its value or increase (eg a factory Gibson).

* I mostly play through a Fender Twin or into Guitar Rig, but I've been thinking about getting one of those 5w micro tube amps.

* I really like the budget-boutique manufacturers like Eastwood, Reverend, Hagstrom, and so on, but it's almost impossible to demo them round here.

* My shortlist at the moment includes the Epiphone Elitist 335 (but I don't like the natural color), the Gibson 339 (but I'd prefer something bigger), the Reverend Manta Ray (but I'd prefer a traditional shape), the Eastwood Classic Six (but maybe it's too twangy?) and the Hagstrom Viking Deluxe (but what does it sound like?) and similar.

What would you suggest, hive mind? I'd prefer to buy in Canada. I'm not obsessed about playing one before I buy and I can do my own electronic repairs and set-ups.

How can this pilgrim acquire faith?

mr_book — Sun, 10 Feb 2008 11:24:00 -0800

Please help this petty agnostic acquire faith in a higher power. I am a 27 yr old agnostic who has attempted the practice of several different religions over the years, eventually calcifying into what my friends have called a "big, bad atheist." After realizing a few years back that atheism wasn't the way to go for me, I started saying that I was an agnostic. I'm not sure that that label fits either.

Every time I've tried experimenting with a religion, I've been fascinated by all of the rituals and mythology which went along with it, but I've never been able to really buy into it. I can't seem to believe concepts like resurrection, reincarnation, angels, the goddess, animistic spirits, et cetera.

I dislike this. I don't want to go through my life not experiencing Faith. I've talked to several people about this, looked online, read books, but what it almost always comes down to is: "If you don't have faith, you can't accept an explanation. If you do have faith, no explanation is necessary." That's all well and good, but it doesn't help me. It's the philosophical equivalent of saying: "Tough rocks, kid."

I've recently come to the conclusion that even if reincarnation, resurrection, et cetera are complete bullshit, I think my experience of the world would be better and fuller is they were not.

I've received advice like "do community service" and "visit a church more often" and "pray" but that's not helpful. I'm not looking for morality - that I can do on my own. I'm also not looking for a religion - I don't need a spiritual bureaucracy telling me how to live my life. What I'm interested in is acquiring Faith itself, not its trappings.

If there are any personal experiences out there which can help, or any advice toward the subject, I'd be grateful. I'm interested in an actual method for acquiring Faith. Literally, how do I get it?