213 posts tagged with conflict.
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Recommendations for verbal de-escalation training in or around Seattle

ISO: An individual or organization who can provide verbal and behavioral de-escalation training to a loose-knit group of committed safety pin-wearers in the Seattle area. [more inside]
posted by palmcorder_yajna on Nov 18, 2016 - 7 answers

How to bounce back as a couple after conflict

Everyone disagrees. We have conflicts that stretch out too much, and both wait on the other to establish a firm baseline of safety afterward. This results in our repair efforts getting thwarted it the reopening of wounds when we need to create positive forward movement. Please help. [more inside]
posted by crunchy potato on Nov 11, 2016 - 11 answers

Marriage counseling is off to a poor start. What to do next?

My wife and I are in couples therapy, but I feel like we haven’t made much progress. Help me develop a strategy to get things on track. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 8, 2016 - 18 answers

How can I deal with problematic family while being a good ally?

As has been noted in many places, including in a recent comment I made on the Blue, this idea of cutting problematic family members loose is weighing heavily on my mind. [more inside]
posted by witchen on Oct 3, 2016 - 46 answers

Unintentionally Going on a Date with my TA

I'm a senior in college who recently started talking to "Kyle" on Tinder. We scheduled a coffee date for this weekend and, in the ensuing conversation, we established that he is the TA for a music performance elective I just signed up for. Where do I go from here? [more inside]
posted by that silly white dress on Aug 30, 2016 - 34 answers

Getting your hair dry *and* being a good girlfriend?

This might seem like a stupid question, but how do people who have hair that requires blowdrying and have to wake up before their partners manage that? Hair care product and/or relationship tips both welcome! [more inside]
posted by blerghamot on Aug 22, 2016 - 59 answers

Does therapy make you a better person or just soothe your pains?

I'm confused about what my goal is in being there. [more inside]
posted by winterportage on Aug 4, 2016 - 26 answers

Should I go on a trip with my relatively new partner?

I've been dating a person for three months. We booked a short trip but since the booking I learned things about how he processes conflict that concern me. We've had a good conversation since then. I'm not worried for my safety, but is this trip still a good idea? [more inside]
posted by ramenopres on Jul 29, 2016 - 44 answers

My summer just fell apart

I don't feel I can stay with my parents for the remainder of the summer. Is this justified? What do I do? [more inside]
posted by myitkyina on Jun 13, 2016 - 28 answers

Toddler sad about war

Looking for a way to show my toddler Mr. Roger's Neighborhood Episode 1525, or something similar. [more inside]
posted by Salvor Hardin on May 29, 2016 - 15 answers

Couples conflict - how do you fight - your stories?

Hive mind, I'm looking for effective conflict resolution techniques/behaviors. A lot of what is written online seems a little too artificial to work in reality with the different personalities of people. What has worked for you in marital conflicts/arguments and why do you think it works? It is said it's not that a couple has fights but how they fight that matters. Having been in a relationship where one person simply doesn't validate the other person's issues and still expects peaceful co-existence, and the other person has a lot of anger in return, i'm trying to figure out what behavioral changes can we make to improve our conflict resolution. Some more details inside [more inside]
posted by whatdoyouthink? on May 28, 2016 - 50 answers

Colleague is not pulling her weight and nothing is being done about it.

Our main customer service person has basically stopped doing her job and it's reflecting badly on all of us. The managers don't manage. We haven't had performance reviews in years. Nothing is changing. Can anything be done? [more inside]
posted by wannabecounselor on Apr 6, 2016 - 10 answers

Resources for healing a troubled community group

Trying to heal conflict and build shared, stable and inclusive leadership in my troubled hobby group. I have high-level one-to-one people/communication skills but no experience wrangling groups. Your resources appreciated. [more inside]
posted by stuck on an island on Jan 7, 2016 - 4 answers

Dating a good friend's ex-girlfriend

Two friends of mine broke up a few weeks ago. I've been friends with the man for something close to a decade but became good friends with his then girlfriend over the last year, as well. So it was only natural that me and her continued to hang out, unexpectedly (for both of us) getting closer to each other. We're now at the beginning of a relationship ourselves - not knowing what to do with her ex/my good friend? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 6, 2016 - 31 answers

How to control erratic pet peeves so as to not destroy my relationship?

I make inconsistent demands of my wife regarding details about cleaning and whatnot. It drives her nuts but she mostly puts up with it until she is tired of dealing with it, and we argue. It breaks my heart that I'm putting her through this but I also feel angry that she doesn't try to negotiate with me somehow. Not sure if what I'm asking for is fair or not but I'd like to resolve this so we can both feel satisfied and happy. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Dec 11, 2015 - 55 answers

A coworker sniped my assignment-- what's the appropriate response?

I am a paid intern for a small SaaS startup, and in the past month or so, I've been drowning a little at life. I remoted into the office this weekend to play catch-up, and discovered that a coworker, who until recently was also an intern, had publicly 'completed' (badly) the task clearly assigned to me, which I had already spent some time on. Our workflow tool indicates he assigned himself to the ticket. [more inside]
posted by dee lee on Oct 19, 2015 - 19 answers

My mother's passive aggression hurts me. How to deal?

My mom is a lovely, intelligent, caring person. She also has lifelong untreated dysthymia. What's the best way to deal with her frequent, subtle passive aggression? (Wall of detail inside, feel free to skip to TL;DR if you have general advice for coping with passive aggression in family context.) [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 2, 2015 - 21 answers

workplace woes: my boss seems to love correcting + debating minutia

During unofficial, in-between-meetings office banter, I tend to speak "loosely" and casually, giving estimates instead of precise directives. Everyone does this -- it's normal in many breezy conversational settings. Unfortunately, my boss seems to love correcting people or debating minute points, even when they're just riffing informally. I'll be spitballing hypothetically and he'll take that as a super literal representation. I need tips on how to deal! [more inside]
posted by doctordrey on Jul 16, 2015 - 23 answers

Conflicts in a law office

I'm writing a story in which some of the characters are employed at a law firm. I'm looking for realistic conflicts in such an office that would involve senior partners, junior partners, associates, paralegals, and staff. Not life and death struggles like a John Grisham novel, but more day-to-day things.
posted by falsedmitri on Jul 11, 2015 - 20 answers

What are some creative ways of disrupting or stopping a heated argument?

As a third party, how can I creatively stop or deescalate an argument I see happening between two others. I have been trying to creatively break up the many arguments I see in my family on a regular basis. I am witness to some pretty intense, basically borderline freak outs on a fairly regular basis. [more inside]
posted by helloilikebooks on Jul 7, 2015 - 21 answers

The Curious Case of the Angry Non-Tenant

My housemate's fiance changed her address to ours without telling any of us, is taking up a lot of space with her stuff in the kitchen and bathroom, and just left a nasty letter under my door. She is not a tenant. How do I handle this? [more inside]
posted by Ashen on Jun 2, 2015 - 27 answers

How to stop negative rumination?

Greetings. I seem to have a terrible case of negative rumination and I cannot impede my negative thoughts at all; this jeopardizing my work ethic and academic studies. I would greatly appreciate some pragmatic tips and positive thinking advice. I'm not sure how to stay optimistic and positive about the world and myself. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 8, 2015 - 16 answers

Is it an indian gift or a rip off?

What would you do? My friend Ted and I have a disagreement about a pool cue that has fractured our relationship. Ted says I broke an agreement to trade with him for a cue case. He said I screwed him because when he showed up on Monday with the case I told him another friend, Dan had bought the cue over the weekend. I'll return to this in a moment but there is an element to this dispute regarding Gene giving me the disputed cue back in 2012 three years ago. [more inside]
posted by Jim_Jam on Apr 29, 2015 - 30 answers

As a person who tries to avoid conflict with other people ...

how can I become a good writer? [more inside]
posted by falsedmitri on Apr 2, 2015 - 24 answers

My husband wants to build a house. I don't. Help.

My husband and I are at an impasse and I need help either figuring out how to make my case more clearly or ideas how to get myself on board. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 27, 2015 - 40 answers

'Challenging' versus 'changing' someone?

Where do you draw the line in a relationship between challenging your partner in a healthy, positive way, against attempting to change them, making them question themselves in an unhealthy way? [more inside]
posted by NatalieWood on Mar 20, 2015 - 37 answers

The Scarlet Letter

Recently at work I was given serious feedback that others are finding me abrasive. I'm a woman, and aware of the history of application of this word unfairly, but I think there may be some truth in it in my case. I've read this and other articles about how to handle abrasive people who report to you, but I would like to hear suggestions from people who have also been in the position of receiving this label, and how you worked to overcome it, and whether your efforts have been successful. Recommended strategies appreciated. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 26, 2015 - 7 answers

Moving out, roommate upset

Life happened, and I am moving out four months before my lease is up. My roommate doesn't want a subletter because she's studying for her board exams in the next month, and also refuses to pay to cover the vacancy. She also doesn't want to discuss in person with me ("I have to go"), has ignored my email contact, and is making the landlord play messenger boy. I don't have time to argue with this nonsense, but would like to minimize hard feelings, grudges, etc., since she is in the same small grad program as I am and will be my colleague for the next year or two. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 20, 2015 - 79 answers

How best to tell (not my) kids about separation?

My sister thinks it's time her children knew about the fact that my husband and I are separated. I agree, but we disagree about how to approach it. I would appreciate some objective hivemind advice please, as I have no idea if I'm being unreasonable or not. Lots of text, advance apologies. [more inside]
posted by outoftime on Feb 13, 2015 - 28 answers

Sleep is my religion, but it's not his.

My husband snores loudly (85db peaks). I'm a light sleeper, and have general anxiety and PTSD issues that are exacerbated by lack of sleep. I can't sacrifice my mental health to the snoring! I'm perfectly happy sleeping in another room, and this was part of the deal when we got married. Now he's really upset about it. I don't need solutions for the snoring, just for the anger and upset it's causing in our home. [more inside]
posted by Bottlecap on Feb 6, 2015 - 57 answers

What is like Winnie The Pooh and Fantasia 2000? (Kids tv)

I'd like to find more kid's shows or movies that are very, very, very placid and calming. The best exemplars I've found so far are Winnie The Pooh (original movie and 2011 follow up - not the ones in between) and Fantasia 2000. I'm looking for other kid's media that has little conflict and might put my kids to sleep without boring them so much that they demand I change it to something else. [more inside]
posted by bq on Jan 5, 2015 - 15 answers

How have you become OK with not being okay with some people?

I feel very unsettled when I have unresolved conflict with people, or if people don't like me (even if I don't particularly like them). Were you once like me and managed to cope better? How? [more inside]
posted by Chrysalis on Dec 22, 2014 - 16 answers

Should I avoid supporting my aging father?

My father is aging, with heart problems and developing dementia. I am generally a conscientious person, but I'm staring down the necessity of supporting him like the barrel of a gun. Special snowflake details inside. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 13, 2014 - 39 answers

feeling scared and small

I had a pretty terrible encounter with an incredibly aggressive person today. I feel a bit shaky and fragile. How do I cope when I deserve what happened to me? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 7, 2014 - 65 answers

How to make the best use of two (only two!) mediation sessions

My spouse has long resisted going to couples’ mediation, despite on-going problems in our marriage. After a particularly bad fight a few days ago, my spouse reluctantly agreed to attend two sessions. I’m responsible for selecting the mediator. What’s the best way to extract the most benefit from just two sessions? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 10, 2014 - 15 answers

How do gf and I deal with different approaches to irritation and anger?

Our relationship is mostly great, but we disagree about the appropriateness of expressing irritation and anger at your partner. She can be outbursty, and I can be over-sensitive, so we might bicker, and then fight about the fighting, and we're trying to break the cycle. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 27, 2014 - 55 answers

What are some resources to help me do better at confrontation?

I am in the second year of my first big-girl job working with and leading groups of people. I am looking for advice/suggestions for ways to a) learn how to confidently negotiate a confrontation without feeling physically ill and b) recognize my personal avoidance tactics for these situations and assess whether this is me taking the "easy way out" or if the actions I am taking really are correct. This is specifically for business situations. Are there classes out there? Is there a book I should read? [more inside]
posted by cmoj on Sep 23, 2014 - 16 answers

Two polar opposite friends clashing, who would've guessed?

When I was having a particularly rough time at home I told a good friend that I was thinking about living in my car for a while. Some time later he mentioned having told another friend about it, laughing about how ridiculous of an idea it was. I feel betrayed. I've told him how that made me feel and he doesn't seem to care so I don't know what to do. [more inside]
posted by blackzinfandel on Sep 18, 2014 - 28 answers

Trademark registration and potential conflict

I have a name that is similar to another registered trademark - different services but similar in terms of spelling. Is this likely to be rejected? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 4, 2014 - 2 answers

Communication between two hypersensitive, beanplating marshmallows

My boyfriend and I both hate making each other feel bad. Does this mean we can't talk about things that aren't going well? He in particular feels very hurt when I bring up things that are bothering me. [more inside]
posted by segfault on Aug 12, 2014 - 22 answers

Brilliant non-political commentary on the Israel-Hamas conflict

We've all seen and read written and spoken rhetoric that supports one side of the conflict. Are there any brilliant articles or speeches that expresss an original viewpoint that take a higher-level view - maybe from the psychological, sociological, or even evolutionary science point of view? Articles that don't take sides, that try to explain rather than to shout?
posted by storybored on Aug 8, 2014 - 6 answers

Help me run this contentious meeting!

Tomorrow morning I will serve as the facilitator for a meeting I called, which is a four-year review of the program I run. The meeting will be among several old white men, and I am a reasonably young white female. There are bound to be emotions, as people have personal investment in various aspects of the topics to be discussed, and there are territorial issues that will likely rear their heads. What tips do you have for keeping such meetings productive, rational and finishing on time? [more inside]
posted by Liesl on Aug 6, 2014 - 14 answers

Marriage in trouble, wife refuses relationship counseling. What next?

My wife Jane and I are in our 40s and have been together for eight years. We got along well for the first few years, but things have been steadily going south since then. In theory, we both want to improve our marriage, but we are not making much progress on our own. I could use some advice. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 21, 2014 - 48 answers

I want to be calm like Hanibal Lecter but my eye twitches

I work in an academic institution and on a daily basis I have to deal with various instances of fraud/misrepresentation, false documents and fake identities. These are not matters of academic integrity as they pertain more to academic and personal records. Part of my job is to maintain accurate records and confront the individuals in question with the evidence in an attempt to get the real story. This is where it gets fun. [more inside]
posted by Karotz on May 28, 2014 - 12 answers

What to do when a family member is offensive, but you love them, anyway?

A beloved family member was unexpectedly (and likely unintentionally) racist. We called her out on it. She didn't react well. What to do next? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 20, 2014 - 42 answers

Oh, just get over it!

I am a public librarian. Sometimes I have to deal with problem patrons, and on rare occasions, those interactions turn ugly, and I have to ask the person to leave the building, etc. The problem is, I get upset, and then I get all flushed and shaky and worst of all, I cry. And when that happens, I can't really go off by myself and get composed -- I'm usually at the reference desk alone, so I can't be away for more than a minute or two. I've read previous AskMe questions about avoiding the crying, and have tried a lot of those tricks -- what I'd really like is to avoid getting so emotionally upset in the first place. [more inside]
posted by sarcasticah on May 19, 2014 - 42 answers

How do I handle two siblings ganging up on me? Fun fact: they're 30.

My two older siblings and brother-in-law are beyond irritated with me when all I've been doing is minding my own business and forging my path into adulthood. They are never short of criticisms and any attempts at satisfying them are futile. Things got way out of hand this weekend to the point I am either ousted from future family functions or there will be an awkward vibe/fake niceness. [more inside]
posted by HiphopAnonymous on May 12, 2014 - 34 answers

How do I confront my therapist who is also essentially my boss?

I live in a mental health treatment center where my therapist is also my "program director". A program director here is basically someone who oversees your treatment and has say over things like when you can and cannot start working or volunteering. [more inside]
posted by tunestunes on Mar 26, 2014 - 23 answers

Getting Over Someone And Resolving Conflict

How can I get over someone I can't seem to get away from, and resolve conflict/let them know they hurt me? [more inside]
posted by christiehawk on Mar 20, 2014 - 15 answers

Dangerous neighbor harassing my family. What can I do?

Dangerous neighbor harassing my family. What can I do? This has been going on for almost 15 years now, but yesterday the problem resurfaced. My family (mother, sister and her two young children) live next door to a violent man. [more inside]
posted by Basque13 on Feb 18, 2014 - 21 answers

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