197 posts tagged with conflict.
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My mother's passive aggression hurts me. How to deal?

My mom is a lovely, intelligent, caring person. She also has lifelong untreated dysthymia. What's the best way to deal with her frequent, subtle passive aggression? (Wall of detail inside, feel free to skip to TL;DR if you have general advice for coping with passive aggression in family context.) [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 2, 2015 - 21 answers

workplace woes: my boss seems to love correcting + debating minutia

During unofficial, in-between-meetings office banter, I tend to speak "loosely" and casually, giving estimates instead of precise directives. Everyone does this -- it's normal in many breezy conversational settings. Unfortunately, my boss seems to love correcting people or debating minute points, even when they're just riffing informally. I'll be spitballing hypothetically and he'll take that as a super literal representation. I need tips on how to deal! [more inside]
posted by doctordrey on Jul 16, 2015 - 23 answers

Conflicts in a law office

I'm writing a story in which some of the characters are employed at a law firm. I'm looking for realistic conflicts in such an office that would involve senior partners, junior partners, associates, paralegals, and staff. Not life and death struggles like a John Grisham novel, but more day-to-day things.
posted by falsedmitri on Jul 11, 2015 - 20 answers

What are some creative ways of disrupting or stopping a heated argument?

As a third party, how can I creatively stop or deescalate an argument I see happening between two others. I have been trying to creatively break up the many arguments I see in my family on a regular basis. I am witness to some pretty intense, basically borderline freak outs on a fairly regular basis. [more inside]
posted by helloilikebooks on Jul 7, 2015 - 21 answers

The Curious Case of the Angry Non-Tenant

My housemate's fiance changed her address to ours without telling any of us, is taking up a lot of space with her stuff in the kitchen and bathroom, and just left a nasty letter under my door. She is not a tenant. How do I handle this? [more inside]
posted by Ashen on Jun 2, 2015 - 27 answers

How to stop negative rumination?

Greetings. I seem to have a terrible case of negative rumination and I cannot impede my negative thoughts at all; this jeopardizing my work ethic and academic studies. I would greatly appreciate some pragmatic tips and positive thinking advice. I'm not sure how to stay optimistic and positive about the world and myself. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 8, 2015 - 16 answers

Is it an indian gift or a rip off?

What would you do? My friend Ted and I have a disagreement about a pool cue that has fractured our relationship. Ted says I broke an agreement to trade with him for a cue case. He said I screwed him because when he showed up on Monday with the case I told him another friend, Dan had bought the cue over the weekend. I'll return to this in a moment but there is an element to this dispute regarding Gene giving me the disputed cue back in 2012 three years ago. [more inside]
posted by Jim_Jam on Apr 29, 2015 - 30 answers

As a person who tries to avoid conflict with other people ...

how can I become a good writer? [more inside]
posted by falsedmitri on Apr 2, 2015 - 24 answers

My husband wants to build a house. I don't. Help.

My husband and I are at an impasse and I need help either figuring out how to make my case more clearly or ideas how to get myself on board. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 27, 2015 - 40 answers

'Challenging' versus 'changing' someone?

Where do you draw the line in a relationship between challenging your partner in a healthy, positive way, against attempting to change them, making them question themselves in an unhealthy way? [more inside]
posted by NatalieWood on Mar 20, 2015 - 37 answers

The Scarlet Letter

Recently at work I was given serious feedback that others are finding me abrasive. I'm a woman, and aware of the history of application of this word unfairly, but I think there may be some truth in it in my case. I've read this and other articles about how to handle abrasive people who report to you, but I would like to hear suggestions from people who have also been in the position of receiving this label, and how you worked to overcome it, and whether your efforts have been successful. Recommended strategies appreciated. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 26, 2015 - 7 answers

Moving out, roommate upset

Life happened, and I am moving out four months before my lease is up. My roommate doesn't want a subletter because she's studying for her board exams in the next month, and also refuses to pay to cover the vacancy. She also doesn't want to discuss in person with me ("I have to go"), has ignored my email contact, and is making the landlord play messenger boy. I don't have time to argue with this nonsense, but would like to minimize hard feelings, grudges, etc., since she is in the same small grad program as I am and will be my colleague for the next year or two. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 20, 2015 - 79 answers

How best to tell (not my) kids about separation?

My sister thinks it's time her children knew about the fact that my husband and I are separated. I agree, but we disagree about how to approach it. I would appreciate some objective hivemind advice please, as I have no idea if I'm being unreasonable or not. Lots of text, advance apologies. [more inside]
posted by outoftime on Feb 13, 2015 - 28 answers

Sleep is my religion, but it's not his.

My husband snores loudly (85db peaks). I'm a light sleeper, and have general anxiety and PTSD issues that are exacerbated by lack of sleep. I can't sacrifice my mental health to the snoring! I'm perfectly happy sleeping in another room, and this was part of the deal when we got married. Now he's really upset about it. I don't need solutions for the snoring, just for the anger and upset it's causing in our home. [more inside]
posted by Bottlecap on Feb 6, 2015 - 57 answers

What is like Winnie The Pooh and Fantasia 2000? (Kids tv)

I'd like to find more kid's shows or movies that are very, very, very placid and calming. The best exemplars I've found so far are Winnie The Pooh (original movie and 2011 follow up - not the ones in between) and Fantasia 2000. I'm looking for other kid's media that has little conflict and might put my kids to sleep without boring them so much that they demand I change it to something else. [more inside]
posted by bq on Jan 5, 2015 - 15 answers

How have you become OK with not being okay with some people?

I feel very unsettled when I have unresolved conflict with people, or if people don't like me (even if I don't particularly like them). Were you once like me and managed to cope better? How? [more inside]
posted by Chrysalis on Dec 22, 2014 - 16 answers

Should I avoid supporting my aging father?

My father is aging, with heart problems and developing dementia. I am generally a conscientious person, but I'm staring down the necessity of supporting him like the barrel of a gun. Special snowflake details inside. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 13, 2014 - 39 answers

feeling scared and small

I had a pretty terrible encounter with an incredibly aggressive person today. I feel a bit shaky and fragile. How do I cope when I deserve what happened to me? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 7, 2014 - 65 answers

How to make the best use of two (only two!) mediation sessions

My spouse has long resisted going to couples’ mediation, despite on-going problems in our marriage. After a particularly bad fight a few days ago, my spouse reluctantly agreed to attend two sessions. I’m responsible for selecting the mediator. What’s the best way to extract the most benefit from just two sessions? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 10, 2014 - 15 answers

How do gf and I deal with different approaches to irritation and anger?

Our relationship is mostly great, but we disagree about the appropriateness of expressing irritation and anger at your partner. She can be outbursty, and I can be over-sensitive, so we might bicker, and then fight about the fighting, and we're trying to break the cycle. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 27, 2014 - 55 answers

What are some resources to help me do better at confrontation?

I am in the second year of my first big-girl job working with and leading groups of people. I am looking for advice/suggestions for ways to a) learn how to confidently negotiate a confrontation without feeling physically ill and b) recognize my personal avoidance tactics for these situations and assess whether this is me taking the "easy way out" or if the actions I am taking really are correct. This is specifically for business situations. Are there classes out there? Is there a book I should read? [more inside]
posted by cmoj on Sep 23, 2014 - 16 answers

Two polar opposite friends clashing, who would've guessed?

When I was having a particularly rough time at home I told a good friend that I was thinking about living in my car for a while. Some time later he mentioned having told another friend about it, laughing about how ridiculous of an idea it was. I feel betrayed. I've told him how that made me feel and he doesn't seem to care so I don't know what to do. [more inside]
posted by blackzinfandel on Sep 18, 2014 - 28 answers

Trademark registration and potential conflict

I have a name that is similar to another registered trademark - different services but similar in terms of spelling. Is this likely to be rejected? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 4, 2014 - 2 answers

Communication between two hypersensitive, beanplating marshmallows

My boyfriend and I both hate making each other feel bad. Does this mean we can't talk about things that aren't going well? He in particular feels very hurt when I bring up things that are bothering me. [more inside]
posted by segfault on Aug 12, 2014 - 22 answers

Brilliant non-political commentary on the Israel-Hamas conflict

We've all seen and read written and spoken rhetoric that supports one side of the conflict. Are there any brilliant articles or speeches that expresss an original viewpoint that take a higher-level view - maybe from the psychological, sociological, or even evolutionary science point of view? Articles that don't take sides, that try to explain rather than to shout?
posted by storybored on Aug 8, 2014 - 6 answers

Help me run this contentious meeting!

Tomorrow morning I will serve as the facilitator for a meeting I called, which is a four-year review of the program I run. The meeting will be among several old white men, and I am a reasonably young white female. There are bound to be emotions, as people have personal investment in various aspects of the topics to be discussed, and there are territorial issues that will likely rear their heads. What tips do you have for keeping such meetings productive, rational and finishing on time? [more inside]
posted by Liesl on Aug 6, 2014 - 14 answers

Marriage in trouble, wife refuses relationship counseling. What next?

My wife Jane and I are in our 40s and have been together for eight years. We got along well for the first few years, but things have been steadily going south since then. In theory, we both want to improve our marriage, but we are not making much progress on our own. I could use some advice. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 21, 2014 - 48 answers

I want to be calm like Hanibal Lecter but my eye twitches

I work in an academic institution and on a daily basis I have to deal with various instances of fraud/misrepresentation, false documents and fake identities. These are not matters of academic integrity as they pertain more to academic and personal records. Part of my job is to maintain accurate records and confront the individuals in question with the evidence in an attempt to get the real story. This is where it gets fun. [more inside]
posted by Karotz on May 28, 2014 - 12 answers

What to do when a family member is offensive, but you love them, anyway?

A beloved family member was unexpectedly (and likely unintentionally) racist. We called her out on it. She didn't react well. What to do next? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 20, 2014 - 42 answers

Oh, just get over it!

I am a public librarian. Sometimes I have to deal with problem patrons, and on rare occasions, those interactions turn ugly, and I have to ask the person to leave the building, etc. The problem is, I get upset, and then I get all flushed and shaky and worst of all, I cry. And when that happens, I can't really go off by myself and get composed -- I'm usually at the reference desk alone, so I can't be away for more than a minute or two. I've read previous AskMe questions about avoiding the crying, and have tried a lot of those tricks -- what I'd really like is to avoid getting so emotionally upset in the first place. [more inside]
posted by sarcasticah on May 19, 2014 - 42 answers

How do I handle two siblings ganging up on me? Fun fact: they're 30.

My two older siblings and brother-in-law are beyond irritated with me when all I've been doing is minding my own business and forging my path into adulthood. They are never short of criticisms and any attempts at satisfying them are futile. Things got way out of hand this weekend to the point I am either ousted from future family functions or there will be an awkward vibe/fake niceness. [more inside]
posted by HiphopAnonymous on May 12, 2014 - 34 answers

How do I confront my therapist who is also essentially my boss?

I live in a mental health treatment center where my therapist is also my "program director". A program director here is basically someone who oversees your treatment and has say over things like when you can and cannot start working or volunteering. [more inside]
posted by tunestunes on Mar 26, 2014 - 23 answers

Getting Over Someone And Resolving Conflict

How can I get over someone I can't seem to get away from, and resolve conflict/let them know they hurt me? [more inside]
posted by christiehawk on Mar 20, 2014 - 15 answers

Dangerous neighbor harassing my family. What can I do?

Dangerous neighbor harassing my family. What can I do? This has been going on for almost 15 years now, but yesterday the problem resurfaced. My family (mother, sister and her two young children) live next door to a violent man. [more inside]
posted by Basque13 on Feb 18, 2014 - 21 answers

Help me deal with my landlord and/or provide a sanity check.

[NYC-filter] I'm renting from a residential landlord for the first time, and the experience is really different than the past. He is sending awful and anxiety-inducing letters/text messages about things that it's my understanding are landlord problems/normal rental situations. Please help me figure out how to respond to him, let me know what the objective view of the situation is, and help me with basic residential tenant rights in NYC. [more inside]
posted by corb on Jan 27, 2014 - 24 answers

Suddenly Steve Wozniak: My partner on a project thinks he's in charge

I suddenly feel like I understand Steve Wozniak. I started a major project / event with a partner. My partner behaves as if he is the sole leader, even though the project was created at my prompting, and I'm an expert in the field. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 23, 2014 - 18 answers

To Sue, or Not to Pursue? That is the (complex) question.

My room has bedbugs. My landlord refuses to cover the costs of extermination, on the grounds that they've never had this problem before. Do I push it, or let it go? Complication: my landlord is not actually my landlord. [more inside]
posted by Ashen on Jan 15, 2014 - 24 answers

How to support friend, untangle my issues, and set proper boundaries?

One of my best friends disclosed to me over the summer regarding a long-held secret that involves his sexuality in relation to physical identity, gender-expression, and self-esteem vis-a-vis body-dysphoria issues. I am trying to be supportive, but am afraid I've failed and become more of an enabler in the process. I feel like I'm being pressured to be his therapist & could use some advice re: how to proceed. Snowflakes apply; more inside. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Dec 9, 2013 - 16 answers

Questions about the 1970s phase of the Vietnam War

My knowledge of the Vietnam War is not as complete as I would like it to be. My own internal representation of its 1960s period is fairly strong but it fades a little at the 1970s/Vietnamization phase of the war. So I'm posing the following questions: [more inside]
posted by jason's_planet on Nov 9, 2013 - 5 answers

Tiny differences cause enormous conflict

What is the name of the concept that describes how, as parties become more and more similar, smaller and smaller differences cause conflict? [more inside]
posted by looli on Nov 8, 2013 - 13 answers

Please stop making me take sides

How can I navigate the breakup of my close friend with my sister, which is still causing problems years later? I’m caught in the middle trying to be friends with both and it’s very frustrating! [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 20, 2013 - 44 answers

Facebook and its discontents

You used to use Facebook regularly, and then you quit. Or tried to quit. Please tell me about it. [more inside]
posted by Miko on Aug 7, 2013 - 32 answers

Every unhappy family .. how do I resolve my aversion to conflict?

I am the eldest child, have always been seen and portrayed by my family as attention-seeking, self-centred, a worrier, over-sensitive, over-serious etc. I thought I had got over this. However, the other night I had a discussion with my partner where he told me he feels hurt that I don't defend him or even believe him when he feels attacked/misunderstood by my family (My sister can be snooty and dismissive and self-absorbed like every-other 20something and my dad has zero social skills, and they have sometimes said things to him that I cringe at but I think he is being slightly paranoid - to complicate things, he also suffers from depression). This has made me realise that I try to avoid conflict with my family at all costs. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 24, 2013 - 6 answers

How can I deal with my friends getting older and turning into "adults"?

How can I deal with my friends getting older and turning into, for lack of a better term, "adults"? [more inside]
posted by deathpanels on Jul 10, 2013 - 39 answers

Caught between my boss and my staff - how do I respond skillfully?

I need help in figuring out how to respond to a work situation between my boss and my staff. I am the second in command in our office, and manage all of the administrative staff. The administrative staff support all of the professional staff. (Think something like a law firm, or university department, where professional staff rely on and share administrative support). My boss is driving my administrative staff crazy. [more inside]
posted by It's a Parasox on Jun 17, 2013 - 28 answers

A twist on the neighbor-conflict theme

The problems are pretty standard: our next-door neighbors are a mom with four teen-age daughters who seem to thrive on conflict. Their screaming fights and door-slammings keep us awake; their response to polite requests that they not do this have been retaliation (full details inside!). The twist is that we live in a conservative suburb and we are both trans gender, so their social credibility is way higher than ours (in part because of rumors they spread), so it's hard to figure out what action we might take. [more inside]
posted by DrMew on May 9, 2013 - 19 answers

Is my neighbour being unreasonable or am I just being rude?

Last night, my next door neighbour flipped out and threatened to call the cops for opening and closing our patio door every night. My roommate and I live in a small apartment complex comprised of three buildings, and our suites (ours and the neighbours) are on the ground level, facing the courtyard. Roommate and I are smokers, and while smoking IS allowed on premises, it is NOT allowed indoors. As such, the patio is utilized. We both work later shifts, and get home between 11pm and 12am on days that we work, and go about our own business quietly until we've wound down enough to go to sleep. Winding down time includes smoking. This is unlikely to change anytime soon. What I need help with is either a script for talking to Neighbour (who we've always gotten along with prior to this) before things turn sour, or some perspetive as to why the noise I'm making is unreasonable. Snowflakes ahoy! [more inside]
posted by rideunicorns on May 7, 2013 - 59 answers

Help me save this relationship

How can I start, right now, to improve my relationship? [more inside]
posted by DeltaForce on Apr 12, 2013 - 49 answers

Need perspective on inter-family conflict

My mother and mother-in-law have had a falling out due to a misunderstanding on my mother-in-law's part. My mother-in-law lives with me and my mother is due to visit in the summer (she lives abroad). Before I collapse with stress, I need some external perspective on this issue. Help! [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 8, 2013 - 15 answers

Dealing with an employer with crappy boundaries, in a niche field?

I’m in a small and incestuous field. My current employer has boundary issues and doesn't respect my time - it's driving me up the wall. I have to be very careful about how I handle this, since he has fingers in most of the pies in town. How can I assert myself without jeopardising my chances of future work? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 26, 2013 - 16 answers

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