Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with compliments

Physical compliments from men: return them, or no?

toomuchkatherine — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 22:13:39 -0800

I have a question about paying physical compliments to men, especially in the early stages of a relationship. Men compliment women about their appearance often. Do they want these compliments returned, or is there a separate protocol for woman-to-man commentary? I'd be interested in hearing from women, what do you do, and from men, what do you expect/want? If a man tells you you have beautiful eyes/nice legs/whatever, aside from saying 'thank you,' is it appropriate to return by saying something you find physically attractive about him? I've felt a little dorky doing the latter, and a little bit off just saying 'thanks' and letting it be, too. I'm wondering whether there's some standard of gender etiquette here that I just never learned.

Is it insulting to compliment an educated non-native speaker's English?

amfea — Wed, 23 Apr 2008 20:32:59 -0800

Is it insulting to compliment an educated non-native speaker's English? I sometimes correspond with people overseas who are non-native speakers of English. I am often impressed with how well they speak and write English and have wanted to compliment them but wasn't sure if they'd see it as a compliment or an insult.

Most of them are in Central and Southern Europe, but some are in Asia. All of them have at least the equivalent of a bachelor's degree, some work in government energy departments and most of the rest are in staff research positions at universities.

How do you take a compliment?

Cool Papa Bell — Fri, 20 Jul 2007 11:36:25 -0800

Compliments and self-worth: Help me help my friend understand not everyone thinks she's stupid. A friend of mine gets the following email from a professional colleague after she organized a two-day meeting with 15+ people involved.

I wanted to thank you for organizing such a productive meeting. It really quite well, and we're all excited about XXX. Thanks for organizing everything, getting the right people in the room for us, and also for supplying breakfast, lunch and organizing the dinner. It was a great trip overall!

Her response to me:

Am I crazy? This doesn't sound like a compliment. This sounds like pandering. Any trained monkey could've done what I did -- made a few calls, made a dinner reservation, etc. I feel like the ugly girl being told I have a great personality.

The question: How can I make her take a compliment for what it is? She seems to feel that this compliment is somehow demeaning and humiliating. How does she break the rut of feeling like everyone thinks she's stupid and treats her like she's in the Special Olympics?

Giving Compliments to Men

chase — Sat, 14 Apr 2007 10:54:28 -0800

How do you tell a guy he is... hot? Recently I've taken the plunge to post and respond to some personal ads. Once we get to the photo exchange part, I am feeling insecure about my approach for how to tell him that I find him (extremely) attractive.

I am seeking your feedback about what do guys like to hear? Even as a 43 year old divorced woman, my first response is to write back, "You're cute!" But I'm not 12; I have the fear that telling a guy he is cute will be perceived as juvenile. Do men, of any age, like or mind being referred to as cute? For some reason the phrase, "extremely attractive" sounds funny, weird, or too serious.

Since I've been mainly focusing my attention on reading the M>>W or posting to W>>M, and not the "casual encounters" section... I thinking that I'm not ready to say, "your photo makes me wet", or something else of the same ilk. I'm thinking a phrase like that is setting the wrong tone during the very beginning of email exchanges.

I realize that everyone is different, and the choice of phrase will be received according to his own base; and, I know just being myself is good advice. But I'd still like to get some suggestions for writing to guys. Is "You're hot" an okay thing to say? What are some good alternatives?