Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with complicated

Should I ask her out now?

Anonymous — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 07:31:14 -0800

I'm moving nine hours away and she'll be closer....eventually, should I ask her out beforehand? I met this girl through an online dating site. She was listed as looking for friends but I thought I'd try my luck and over the course of a few months we've been on three "hang outs" and it's been great.

I'm moving nine hours (car ride) away next week for a job and graduate school and she will be coming up in the summer (she is from there). Also a few months after she comes back up she will be going to Europe for 6 weeks for a study abroad program. After all is said and done she will be back home (where I will be).

My question is: should I ask her on a "date" next week with the express intention of telling her that I like her a lot or should I wait until summer, or should I wait until after the whole Europe stint?

I know (from reading a lot of askmeta) that long distance relationships don't work, but this one is confusing in its complications.

Another alternative I was considering was to just -over the phone- tell her how I feel about her.

Help.

payg

sgt.serenity — Sat, 20 Sep 2008 21:45:50 -0800

whats the best payg cellphone to get in the us ? I dont really know much about this but that there are certain types of companies and plans - i'm really not together on this so would like some
help - you know, best all round plan or something - where they dont charge you for receiving a text or call ....

How to sort out my private life?

Anonymous — Fri, 23 Nov 2007 06:25:22 -0800

Yet another relationship question. Help me resolve this issue. I'll try to keep the explanation short. I am in love with a woman (Woman A) who I recently discovered loves me back... sounds simple. However, I a major issues preventing us from moving forward openly.

Woman B - a close friend who I had an odd relationship in the past (see this anon question) - has never quite put the sexual side of our relationship aside, seemingly always wanting to retain that option when we meet. I have had to deflect her advances on more than one occasion.

For those who've read that past anon question, my actions after that post were to move to a friendship position minus the sleeping together, a position which held up well except on one or two occasions which admittedly didn't help.

After discovering the mutual interest I share with Woman A, I was talking to Woman B about how I don't want the sexual side of things to play any part of our friendship. She took it quite strangely, asking me why I'd brought it up now and so on and saying that if I got into a relationship she'd stop being my friend (i.e. clear cut emotional blackmail). I tried explaining to her that her cutting me off wouldn't be my issue but hers and she'd just have to deal with it. She then got upset about "finality" and how she'd seen me in her future - with a strong implication that meant in a relationship - something that seems odd considering the anon question linked above, something I pointed out to her.

Outside this issue, as much as I can do that, Woman B is a great friend and I don't want to lose her over Woman A. However, I am also aware that she is being irrational and trying to guilt trip me.

What I want to know is how you think I can get her to be rational and accept my choice without cutting me out of her life completely?

If you don't think that's possible, then let me know and try and offer strategies for letting her down gently as I think she is emotionally unstable and may need help.

I am very much in love with Woman A, so although I don't want to hurt Woman B and don't want to lose her from my life... If that's what happens when I am openly with A then so be it.

Those wishing to reply anonymously or get further info, please email: whycanitnotbesimple@gmail.com

What is a man? A miserable little pile of secrets.

Anonymous — Tue, 29 Aug 2006 20:51:10 -0800

RelationshipFilter (sorry!): I've become entangled in a complex 'relationship', and I'm not sure what to do... Long story:

In September 2004, I arrive at university. A few days later I meet a very attractive girl who lives in my halls of residence. Over the next week or two we become very good friends and end up spending a lot of time together, watching TV, films, chatting about other friends of ours etc. I very quickly realised I had "feelings" for this girl, oh dear. Then one night I was probably being a bit too obvious and surprisingly she said "Just go ahead and kiss me." Frankly, I hadn't expected that, I considered her well out of my league and was happy at the time to just be a good mate of hers.

So, we fool around for a few nights, but don't tell any of our mutual friends... a few nights turns into a few weeks... still not telling friends. I slept in her room many times (if it's relevant, without sex), creeping out early in the morning to avoid my other friends. I begin to get attached, uh oh. Just before the first holiday she tells me she doesn't want a relationship and we should stop doing things. I feel kinda crushed. I tell her this and end up sleeping there again...

Holiday comes and she phones me all the time, texts and tells me how she misses me and we have long conversations about 'us' on the internet.

Rinse and repeat for 2 more terms.

2nd year of university, we get closer. I still sleep with her, none of my friends know (except one), including my housemates because of our ridiculous "secrecy" thing. We've become closer, she's said she loves me, we've both shared very important things with each other and to all intents and purposes we are a couple.

Yet.

The problem is, and I've told her often enough, that I'm fed up with the secrecy. I want to be able to walk around holding her hand, or kiss her in public (shock horror). Things she'll happily do when away from our friends and people who know us!

She states that she doesn't want a boyfriend and the "baggage" that goes with it. She wants people to see her as single and not part of a couple. Yet she still wants me to sleep in her bed and be there for her.

I'm being taken for a ride, right? I should probably get out of this situation, but again, problem. I don't want to. She's one of the best things in my life, I love her to bits, and yet there's this issue sitting there driving me mad.

Opinions? Constructive suggestions about talking to her might be useful.

Thanks. (oh, and for the record, we're both around 21)