Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with companionship

How did you find love or companionship in spite of anxiety?

Anonymous — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 11:02:02 -0800

What steps did you take to find your partner in spite of social anxiety or severe shyness? This is for the members who consider them to be anywhere from moderately shy to severely social phobic. If you currently are or were in a relationship, how did you meet your SO? What steps did you take to improve your chances of meeting this person. I mean things you did apart from therapy and other self help stuff like getting shape and dressing better and such.

I know the usual advice in reply to questions related to meeting people and finding potential lovers/mates is to "just be yourself" and that "it will happen when you're not looking or least expecting it" and so forth but I don't think it would apply for the majority of those grappling with this issue.

So, did you start with a concrete plan in mind? Did you enlist the help of someone more extroverted? Did moving to a larger city or town make a difference? Or joining any particular organization or activity group. Once you'd encountered that person, did you make the first move? Or were you lucky enough that it occurred the other way around? How did your interactions in the early stages of the relationship play out? Did it all just fall in place because your SO is also just as reserved? In short, how did it happen !?! Any and all specifics that you could share would be very helpful and hopefully instructive.

I'd like to hear from members of both sexes but specially from men since it seems it might have been more of a challenge for them.

I'm working assiduously on my problem but feel that time is running out and with each passing month/year the label of "single, shy 30-something guy" looks even more unattractive and unhelpful. And I fully realize that there isn't any single thing that will work for everyone; I'm just interested in hearing about the experiences of others . My apologizes if this comes across as a bit of a ramble and/or chat filter material.

You can email me at anon.mefi1@gmail.com if you wish to share something in private.

How do I recover from a heartbreak?

pakoothefakoo — Sat, 31 Jan 2009 09:56:47 -0800

Yet another breakup, heartbroken related question. I usually laugh at those sappy romantic plot lines regarding love and break-ups.

However, approximately two months ago I broke up with my girlfriend of five years who I am STILL deeply in love with, but the relationship wasn't functional. The separation was mutual and I thought that I would be okay.

I was wrong. When she told me that she dated somebody, HOLY BUMFUCK it hurts, I've been crying non-stop for two days. Entering third day and still shedding tears; I would stop thinking it's over, then all of those memories come flooding back and I'll start up again like a broken faucet.

So my question: What is the best way to deal with this? We still live in the same city, share the same circle of friends and interests. My concern is that I will flip out (emotionally) if I see her with other guy. Also I do hope to be friends with her, the thing is I don't know if I can handle it.

I know that this tale has been covered countless of times, but I'm curious what MeFi have to offer in terms of advice.

on a side note: It's funny how there is a 'human relations' in the category drop-down. As opposed to what? Inanimate object relations?

Hot-blooded, check it and see / got a fever of 312.594444° Kelvin ...

WCityMike — Mon, 17 Dec 2007 11:23:45 -0800

There are gay bars, lesbian bars, and leather bars. Are there "geek bars"? In geek culture, what institution, meeting, or whatever serves the purpose that "meat market" single bars do amongst the non-geeky populace? One might define a "meat market" singles bar as a recreational locale where people know that those within are there within a romantic context. Are there geek equivalents?

I am contemplating going out and trying my hand in "normal" singles bars here in Chicago. However, I think I would much prefer "girl geeks" — women who actually have a brain in their heads, and who would have a much higher likelihood of sharing some of my interests. (Intellect is sexy.) Plasticine women who are looking to latch onto the next golden ticket to walk into the bar are a bit unpleasant to be around. (Just as are plasticine men who are looking only for plasticine just-off-the-factory-line women.)

Or, to put it another way, where is there a bar or locale where there's a much higher probability that if I say "Starbuck" to a woman, she's going to respond "I love her! She's such a hardass!", not "I love their double-dip nonfat decaf whipped mochatrickalatte!"

Where/what is the geek/nerd "meat market" — i.e., a place where, by default, it's fairly safe to assume that those around you are also looking for a relationship, romantic companionship?

If it's an answer regional in nature, I live in Chicago; also, I did not find Nerds at Heart, despite its name, to in any way serve this purpose.

Spring Restlessness: Not Sure How to Follow Through

Anonymous — Fri, 09 Mar 2007 19:39:38 -0800

Where -- in South Central Wisconsin -- are the best places to hang out, if you are a divorced, middle age, overweight, woman who recently decided to proactively search for short term companionship? My last long term relationship ended ten years ago. The last time I had sex was probably over five years ago. I know that looking for causal sex is a high risk activity. But there has got to be a strategy for increasing the odds of at least being presented with the opportunity.

Over the last several years it is becoming more and more difficult for me to ignore my desire for sex (with a partner). As Spring approaches this year, I am feeling very restless. I am wondering if getting some would at least remove my ever growing fear that I may never have sex again. I spend a lot of time wondering about my human touch deficiency, and what that means in relation to wholelistic health.

I am 44 years old and I have no real social life. I spend all my free time playing on my computer or watching TV and movies. Although, I do occasionally attend workshops, lectures, or classes; and I work out at a health club several times a week. I recently started attending church again. The problem is that none of the places that I frequent, offer the opportunity to find casual friends. Yet, in truth, I really don't want to find casual friends in the places I currently go. I suppose a big problem is that I hate bars and hate smoke… and avoiding bars severely reduces the chance of meeting men, who, uh, would consider me attractive.

I have a profile on Yahoo! Personals. I read craigslist. But that's not exactly what I want. It's way too much work, and scary, to post or answer ads. I'd like to skip all the emailing and exchanging photos. I want to be somewhere to meet people in person.

What I'd like to know is where are the safe places to go that I might get "hit on." Or, how does a woman -- who is clueless about such worldly matters -- research the process of hiring a professional? Is ignoring my fears and desires perhaps the better course of action?

Need help building relationships with plutonic friends and f--kbuddies

five fresh fish — Mon, 15 Nov 2004 12:05:06 -0800

"I can't seem to meet a man that fits my life. I have three kids, a career and hobbies that I love. Pretty much a full plate. I still have needs though. Rather than jumping into unworkable relationships for all the wrong reasons, which I have done repetitively, I am considering looking for both plutonic friends to meet the companionship needs, and f--kbuddies for the other needs. I would love to know any experiences you may have and tips for making it work." Posted for a female friend, obviously.