Help me break the decision-making stalemate. Partner and I are in committed multi-year relationship. One of the places we struggle communication-wise is in decision-making, especially when neither of us have a strong preference (for example, "what do you want for dinner" or "should we go out for breakfast tomorrow?". When this happens, several things may happen: My partner will parry my question back to me "do you have any preferences?" (and if/when I don't, nothing is resolved), one of us will say "I don't really care, whatever you want", or we will stalemate in an "I don't know, what do you want to do" loop. As you can probably imagine, this makes for super frustrating interaction. Does anyone with experience with this have any advice on breaking this particular pattern?
Several different managers have told me that I need to develop a "more forceful" persona. I'm trying to work out exactly what this means. More details inside. [more inside]
It's been 32 year since they immigrated to this country, but pretty much the one and only thing my family ever talks about is the home country, and it drives me crazy. I can't change them, but I could probably handle it better. Details and the plea for help within. [more inside]
My boyfriend and I both hate making each other feel bad. Does this mean we can't talk about things that aren't going well? He in particular feels very hurt when I bring up things that are bothering me. [more inside]
My boyfriend cancels so often on our dates, and we haven't had sex even though we have been together for half a year, which makes me think he could have a sexual problem or is afraid of getting close to me. Details inside. [more inside]
Is there any way to learn how to communicate like a normal human being? [more inside]
Am I ruining a great relationship with my anxiety or am I anxious because my relationship is not great? Is there a way to tell the difference between irrational anxiety and alarm bells? [more inside]
Dear hive mind, please suggest items for a checklist of issues/expectations/questions to discuss with my significant other before we shack up next month! I was reading this question and saw that many people felt that they would never move in with a partner before discussing their finances with a certain level of detail. I would love to know what other rules of thumb people have about establishing a mutual understanding, financially, emotionally, housework-wise, etc. before cohabiting. Possibly relevant details inside. [more inside]
When I'm on the (cell) phone with another person, and I'm not able to hear what they are saying clearly, I get stuck. For persistent low-quality voice calls (i.e. when "can you talk a little louder" isn't the solution and "can you repeat that?" doesn't help), what can I do or say that doesn't make me look like an incompetent, impatient jerk? [more inside]
A common theme on AskMeFi is that a person should be able to take care of themselves first before they can be ready to establish and maintain a healthy relationship. What if the relationship itself is the driver of positive personal growth? And what if that process has been kind of painful so far? [more inside]
I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for about 3 years now, but it seems like we can't seem to find a good "groove". We're satisfied in the relationship for a while and then we get into petty fights and don't resolve them. I thought I was happy with him and really enjoyed his company. However, it's been more and more stressful and I need help figuring out if I've checked out for a while, or if the relationship has run its course. Hope me? [more inside]
I need help dealing with my anxiety over climate change. I need help figuring out how I can help. It's a bit more complex than that, but not much. [more inside]
My husband’s cousin recently killed himself. The sadness we feel is colored by intense anger at my husband’s mother, who never communicated what was going on with the cousin - or that he had moved to a city we visit frequently. Could "forgetting" to mention or misrepresenting major family information/news be a byproduct of ADHD? Yes, there's more inside... [more inside]
I quit my job about a year ago. Through a mixture of savings , part-time jobs I have managed to stay afloat. My girlfriend's birthday will be coming up next month and has asked me to fly with her to Paris. I would love to join her but believe my financial situation is not up to snuff. How do I communicate this in a manner that is positive for the both of us? Complicating factors below. [more inside]
If Don Draper were a graphic designer, how would he convince a client that his job was indispensable? Any examples on how he handled condescending clients? [more inside]
Stuck on someone, but things got weird and awkward. Would it be a good idea to open up and just let this person know how I feel about them? Wall o' text commences... [more inside]
My BIL is a sociopath. We don't deal with him. But the parents still do. Therein lies the problem... [more inside]
My wife is finally going to meet my family. Problem, they don't speak English, She doesn't speak Russian. What are good non speech dependent fun activities we can all do? [more inside]
So, along with a raise, I'm getting a new job title to recognize what my actual duties are, and I can choose it myself — but I'm no good at titles. Non-profit communications folks, can you weigh in? [more inside]
I am really terrible at 1) figuring out what the hell I want, and 2) communicating it. I've started dating a guy and this problem is magnifying my relationship anxieties by a thousand, and it's starting to make me super stressed. Please tell me what I'm doing wrong here! [more inside]
I am feeling upset about an exchange my husband and I had the other day. We have had communication issue in the past, because we have drastically different styles o expression. He had trouble controling anger and he lets his frustrations show often in his actions. Nothing violent, but a lot of huffing and puffing and frustrated sighs & sometimes slamming things a bit firmer that necessary. He knows he does this & tells me that it is just how he is, despite the fact that I have told him that it makes me uncomfortable. He thinks I read his actions wrong. They are usually not directed at me, so maybe I am too sensitive (although no one else puts me on eggshellslike this.) [more inside]
My sister was recently given a talking-to at work for her tone, after she unknowingly made one of her employees cry. She's been told she talks to people like they're stupid. And despite the fact that she is a very sweet, loving, and compassionate person, she does do that sometimes. She's not always aware of it happening, but sometimes she is, and she says it's hard to stop. Our mother was the same way, and what my sister says is, "Sometimes I feel Mom's voice coming out of me, and I hate it but I can't stop it." She's asked me for some resources that will help her learn how to communicate better, and be aware of her tone and fix it when necessary. It's especially important to her now that she's pregnant and doesn't want to talk to her child the way our mother talked to us. Any suggestions for her? I've already got Non-Violent Communication on the list, and I'm looking for good resources for children of narcissistic mothers. What else?
The recurrant scientist character has some distictive speech patterns. What do they reveal about his thought patterns? [more inside]
I've been bombing in interviews for IT Help Desk, or Desktop Support positions, and whenever I've called back the interviewer, the most common answer they give is "poor communication skills". Is there any entry point into the field that wouldn't rely so much on working with people? Would it make more sense to work as QA tester, and then try to transition to something in systems or database administration?
I asked a boy out! And he said yes! But then he didn't respond when I tried to nail down the details. What should I do now? [more inside]
Please help me mitigate/cope with my feelings about doctors/insurance and have the best visit with a general practitioner that I can after 10 years of being uninsured. This way lies snowflakes. [more inside]
I'm in a long-distance relationship: my S.O. is in California, I'm on the East Coast. We've been pretty lucky with getting to meet up regularly since his job often pays for him to come out here and I've had a number of opportunities to get out there. But I'm feeling a personality clash arising from his erratic scheduling. Question clusterbomb ahoy! [more inside]
I haven't had a boyfriend since I was 16 and I'm 22 now. I'm dating this new guy for less than a month now, and though we both seem to want to make it work, I feel we have pretty different communication styles. We've also been through quite a lot during the past few weeks which we may need help getting over. I'm incredibly bad at dating, inexperienced in romantic relationships and honestly want this to work. What do I do? [more inside]
Whenever I am anticipating a date with or a text from the guy that I'm with, I suddenly find myself avoiding everything I need to do in order to just mentally prep for that encounter. This is obviously not a productive or healthy way to anticipate a good thing, but I have acted this way since I was 16 and now at 26 I want to stop trying to be so damn available. Aside from keeping myself busy with obligations I MUST attend to lest there be Serious Repercussions, what else can I do to persuade my mind that living my life in the intervals will allow me to have better relationships, not the other way around?
My girlfriend has a diagnosed anxiety order. Oftentimes in conversation she has trouble processing what is said and pretty much shuts down. After the conversation she tells me that she was flooded and doesn't remember what we discussed. I want to learn more about psychological flooding. Can you help me find some resources to learn more about it? I didn't have much luck with my keyword searches on Google. Specifically I want to learn if there are ways I can help her become flooded less often. Thanks!
My brother needs resources to help him learn to be a better listener and friend to those he cares about. [more inside]
I work in benefits and messed up the life insurance amount for someone who died. Please help me figure out how to communicate this error to the beneficiary and upper management in the best way possible. [more inside]
I had a book release, reading, and signing party last night (it's a book I co-edited), and about halfway though the reading, one of the reader's husband pulled out his computer pad and turned it on, making all the start up noises. I find this rude and disrespectful; indeed, in the open mike culture here, people generally "respect the mike" and don't talk or take calls, but support the reader and give them energy (Energy begets energy). [more inside]
What do you think of the name "Rub" for a health spa? Is it cute or dirty and why?
Lately I've noticed it takes me a looong time to write emails- with a lot of time spent re-reading, editing, taking words out and putting them back in. I am self-conscious that my first pass is heavy on text - not good for conveying information efficiently to coworkers and supervisors. It's really getting in the way of my ability to be efficient at work and starting to show in my performance. What can I do to work on this? [more inside]
I have dated someone on and off for over a year, we have learned a lot about each other and have unfortunatly been through some ups and downs. We see each other coming out stronger than ever and working through everything but it is taking some time...I am fighting for this because I know what we have is special and what he provides me is what I have been looking for. [more inside]
I really could use advice on how to improve our sex life (NSFW and snowflakes) [more inside]
I'm not sure how to talk with my wife about the issues surrounding her long term unemployment. I don't want to come across as demanding or nagging, but I do want to express some concerns that I have honestly and clearly. How have you successfully communicated about this touchy subject with your significant other? [more inside]
I'm in a new relationship and we just had a fight that was started more or less because of an issue I've been struggling with my life: I never know what to say to people. How can I work through this issue? [more inside]
My friends just had the worst week of their lives and they are now separated from their 3yo son by a hospital and over a thousand miles. What are some ways he can show them love while they're apart? [more inside]
I started a new job last year and it's becoming clear that things are not going as planned. I'm dealing with a micro managing boss and I am at my wits end. Please help me decide if I should stay and work things out, or start job hunting for something better - wall of text inside. [more inside]
What is an effective way to speak to a new partner about bettering their ability to perform cunnilingus? [more inside]
I need an app for the IPhone that will allow my partner to press a single button to send me a pre-written text message or pre-determined photo. This will be a sort of personalized Bat Signal (we'll call it "The Clay Signal") and will let me know that she needs my attention. [more inside]
Struggling with my boyfriend's apparent lack of effort in our relationship, but I'm not sure if it's worth trying to work though, because he won't discuss if he have a future together. [more inside]
I have a problem with consistency in carrying out daily activities, particularly those that are communication-based such as responding to messages. I have missed out on business opportunities, hurt friendships, and am generally seen as unreliable due to my inability to respond to people's messages in a timely matter. This has got to change, but I'm not sure how and could use your help. [more inside]
I donated a lot of money to a small retail store for a Kickstarter campaign they ran. There were a lot of rewards offered, and I said I didn't want "all of them". But so far I've gotten none. I want to followup, because I'd like to continue to patronize this business. [more inside]
I might be getting a bit curmudgeonly in my graduate student years, but I'm starting to get annoyed at how many mass emails I get from my university. What should I be expecting here, and should I do anything about it? [more inside]
Sometimes someone does you wrong (most often in a relationship), and there is a desire to call them out, to write a scathing letter. Often it's advised to write it out but not send it. Can someone help me understand why? [more inside]
What's it really like living in extreme poverty in the developed (western) world? I am writing a dystopian sort of post-mini-apocalyptic novel. The themes are investigating something else, but for a realistic setting, I would like to know real stories (anecdotes & journalistic) about living in a contemporary semi-urban environment where resources are scarce. Stories detailing daily life post-katrina, war-torn environments in Europe, experiences of low income people who can not easily access nutritious food, medicine, clothing, information/Internet/tv - anything a middle class person in Australia might take for granted and not even consider - for example (can't remember source) a diabetic without regular power will be at extreme risk, because of an inability to securely store insulin. What's it like living in an environment where the invading force are unpredictable? What freedoms do you lose, what work arounds do you pursue? How differently does the community act, faced with these problems - and in what ways does it bring them together, and in what ways does it divide them? (I wish to avoid fictional accounts).
I've been dating a guy since the summer. I need help with asking for things I need in the relationship. [more inside]