Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with comfort

How does your comfort level in relationships show?

hollygirl — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 19:46:28 -0800

This is REALLY not about the toilet seat...or is it?!? Men, I need your advice!! Women, there is a question inside for you too! Help! My wonderful boyfriend of 2+ years has ALWAYS been considerate and has put the toilet seat down when he is done. I've never asked him to do this; he just did, which I really appreciated and expressed to him in the past.

We are very close. Have a solid relationship and have learned to adjust to each other.

Here is the weird part: All of the sudden, out of nowhere, he starts leaving the toilet seat up. All. The. Time. I've fallen in. I've shrieked in the middle of the night. I've asked nicely. It still stays up. AND AFTER TWO YEARS OF ALWAYS PUTTING IT DOWN!!!!!!

I've always believed that a change in behavior signifies something....I'm just not sure what in this case!

So I asked him about it in a relaxed, "Hey honey, I've always appreciated how you've been so thoughtful about this. Can you please make the effort again?" kinda way.

His response is that he is now comfortable with me to a degee that he was not before. I appreciate this and I want him to feel comfortable, but to me I feel like I'm being taken for granted. (GF has been around 2 years...no longer need to make the effort. That's how I see it.)

This issue of asking him to try and he saying he will and then doesn't has been going on for over two months now.

FWIW, I've been wanting to get married. He is completely committed to me but needs small steps to get there so part of me thinks that there is truth to his new level of comfort...and he DOES act as if he is more comfortable too. He is 43; I am 38.

My questions: Men, I want to know from you: is this REALLY an issue of comfort? Do men really get to a plateau that is truly indicitive of a level of comfort--that shows in an overt way?? Is this a passive-aggressive way to piss me off (ha ha)? For women: When do my feelings factor in? How do you factor comfort with the courtesies of keeping a relationship alive? And yes... I even told him I'd be willing to leave the seat up for him when I was done.

I HAVE seen all the other posts about the toilet seat, but my question is really one of reaching comfort levels in relationships without turning in to roommates....this just happens to be coming through in way of a plastic toilet seat.

Any advice and personal experience will be most helpful. Thanks everyone!

Most comforting things in the world

mthomps00 — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 11:25:08 -0800

What are the best ways to comfort someone with a bad cold/flu? My boyfriend's been ailing with a miserable flu for the past couple days. He's got constant body aches, a hacky dry cough, occasional fever, and dizziness. We've got him on lots of medication, and last night I made him a good lentil/garlic/curry/tomato stew.

He'll get better in a few days, but in the meantime, what's the absolute most comforting thing I can do for him? I'm thinking less in terms of medicines and remedies and more in terms of pure wondrous comfort - foods, drinks, lullabies, you-name-it.

Help a fussy, picky dresser look better.

Anonymous — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 10:10:40 -0800

I'm embarrassed by the way my husband dresses. He says he wants to dress better, but that he "physically can't". My husband has told me repeatedly that he wants to look more stylish and more professional (he's 30). This is great, because I'm tired of feeling like he's my kid brother instead of my partner when we go out. However, he has a bizarrely long list of tactile sensitivities that make it "impossible" for him to wear certain things because they're so uncomfortable that he "can't concentrate on anything else".

I don't really know what to make of these objections. I remember when I was a child thinking wool sweaters must be punishment for bad behavior, but I definitely grew out of it. Is he just being ridiculous, or could these issues be physically and/or psychologically real? Any other picky dressers have insight?

Here is partial list of his self-imposed sartorial restrictions, along with his rationales. (He also has a rather spartan aesthetic sense, you'll notice). He won't wear any of the following things except under extreme duress:

Things that are "scratchy":
denim (i.e. all jeans) and corduroy
synthetic fabrics or blends
wool or wool blends

Things that "make me feel like I'm suffocating":
sweaters
ties
undershirts
slim-fitting shirts

Things that are nonspecifically "uncomfortable":
blazers and jackets
shirts tucked in
belts

Things that "look dumb":
stripes, checks, or patterns of any kind
v-necks
boots
pink, yellow, purple, and pastels
vests
watches
hats
(pretty much any accessory/nonessential)

Things that are "inefficient":
shoes with laces
owning more than one pair of shoes
owning more than one coat
buttons

The end result of these limitations is that he typically wears Gap chinos, a t-shirt, and slip-on shoes every single day. On dressier occasions he'll swap the t-shirt for a solid-colored oxford-type shirt, but only if it's half a size too big, loose at the collar, and untucked.

So...

1) In the short term, what can he do to dress better within the boundaries he's set for himself? I'm not very knowledgeable or creative in this department, unfortunately.

2) More importantly, in the long term, can he be desensitized to blazers, belts, shoelaces and sweaters? How should he go about it, and how can I help?

Anonymized for my Mefite husband's privacy, who would die of embarrassment.

How can I help a friend whose partner has been arrested?

Anonymous — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 06:50:52 -0800

Help me comfort a friend whose partner was just arrested for the local equivalent of grand theft. Friend A's partner B was just arrested for stealing at least $20k worth of goods from work over a few years.

Yesterday, A returned home to their apartment that had been searched under a warrant and has had her possessions seized. There are also potential legal implications for her.

A was initially under the impression that B had merely been buying said goods at a discounted staff rate and selling them on at a profit but has just found out that he had actually stolen them. He admitted that this began a year ago and essentially had kept it from her despite her constant warnings that the buying-at-discount-selling-at-profit might get him (and her) into trouble.

She is complete wreck because she has to deal with the tenancy agreements and other related issues but right now the last straw is the dishonesty on his part. She feels obligated to support him through this terrible time (he is scared and is really just a nice guy who made a series of stupid mistakes and in the course of their relationship treated her like a princess) but is also naturally angry with him and unsure about the relationship.

3 Questions:
- What should she do? (I expect the answers won't be conclusive)
- How can I comfort her?
- How can I comfort him, given that he has become a friend through her?

Not looking for any legal advice, there are already lawyers involved.

car comfort

jenfu — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 21:16:42 -0800

Looking for cheapest rental car that will be comfortable for my extremely tall (6 foot 7 inches) boyfriend. He's stocky too. Any larger folks have recommendations? We're renting in Indiana and driving to Florida and then back so comfort is pretty important, but we also want to spend as little money as possible.

Thanks for your help.

What is a comfortable hairstyle-preserving bike helmet?

CancerMan — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 14:43:36 -0800

My spouse wants to bike to work, but doesn't want to wear a helmet, citing "heat" and "helmet hair" as the main reasons. With no concern for price, what helmet brands or models would best prevent those "horrible" conditions? This is her first attempt at biking to work. She's ridden a bike many times before, but only on bike paths away from traffic or around quiet neighborhoods (she didn't wear a helmet then, either). The commute is approximately 15 minutes through a semi-residential area, along a busy multi-lane road. She intends to ride on the sidewalk. The condition of the concrete is pretty good for the most part, but there are two or three places where tree roots or soil erosion have created bumps. She would have to cross three intersections, each leading to a housing subdivision. Since it's rush hour, traffic is significant as many people are leaving or returning to and from work, which means there will be cars pulling out of driveways and turning into these main intersections.

My wife knows why she should wear a helmet, and she's heard enough gory stories and seen pictures of accidents to understand the consequences of not wearing one. I've also told her of my own close calls on city streets with inattentive drivers (however, I no longer ride to work).

Unfortunately, the two reasons of heat and hair appear to be deal-breakers for her. She feels the short commute and fact that she will ride on the sidewalk present less risk of injury, such that she will still arrive at work safe and beautiful. Therefore, this question is less about why she should wear a helmet, and more about what kind of helmet she could wear. I think if I can show her that she can still wear a helmet and preserve her style, she'll be more inclined to do so.

Her hair is in a bob, down to her neck, and the front bangs are usually pinned with a tiny (tiny!) clip. I've asked if she could style her hair at work, but she refuses to because she can't bring nor store her products at the office, much less find a place to freshen up. She will also not wear a bandanna or cap because she feels it will only trap the heat.

I intend to bring my wife to our local bike shop to perform some maintenance checkup on her ride. Whilst there I want to have her try on some helmets and ideally show her that some helmets won't mess up her hair and still provide ventilation and protection. I've also read a couple of AskMe threads about helmet hair, and started to look at brands like Giro and Limar (unknown if the bike shop carries them).

Are there other brands that will provide a level of comfort, negate the heat and preserve her hairstyle, so that my spouse will wear a helmet on her commute?

Beach Comfort

trashcan — Sun, 14 Jun 2009 06:03:21 -0800

How can I be comfortable sitting on the beach for a few hours, without my back and arms seizing up? Going on holiday and as much as I love the beach, I really seize up when lying on a beach towel for a long period of time. Any easily packed or widely available items that would aid my comfort. I'm talking where there are no beach beds - but even those after about 15 minutes make me ache!

Obviously I will apply copius high factor - and not stay out for too long....but anyone got any sand implement tips to help me have an even better time??

Ta

Trail Running Shoes for the Wider Feet

PaulingL — Wed, 03 Jun 2009 13:57:13 -0800

Looking for a trail running shoe similar to the Brooks GTS 8. The problem? I'm a 9.5 2E and the shoes I have tried are too narrow. Help! What's the deal with the lack of width sizes in trail running shoes?

A little about me:
I run often, at minimum 60 miles/week.
I use orthodics.
I love the Brooks GTS 8 because it really helps my overpronation and has corrected a series of running injuries that used to be commonplace for me.

What trail shoe should I get? It does not have to be Brooks. It should, however, be similar enough to the GTS 8 as to where I am still pain free.

Thanks!

The car has become a secular sanctuary for the individual, his shrine to the self, his mobile Walden Pond. ~Edward McDonagh

anastasiav — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 15:05:17 -0800

My husband and I have a longstanding dream of driving cross country on the small highways and byways of America. As we inch closer to this reality (we're now fairly firmly looking at doing this in five years, when our son is old enough to remember the trip), we've started doing the financial planning for it. My question to you: What is the best car (type or brand) for a very tall family of three to drive across America in? We do want to take gas milage into account, but can't imagine that doing the trip in a Prius (for example) would be comfortable in the long run. But, on the flip side, we don't want a huge van or RV either.

Help us plan! What's your pick?

So it's a Volvo, then.

Anonymous — Sun, 17 May 2009 14:19:16 -0800

Twenty-something interested in buying first serious car...a Volvo maybe! Asking this anonymously as I don't want my partner to associate the surprise with me...

It looks like I'll be getting my first proper job in a few months, and will then be in a position to replace my current car, up to now a basically reliable but not ideal motor, with a modern car that will last a while and hopefully provide enhanced safety, security, comfort and enjoyment!

I'm looking at a Volvo (live in Scandinavia and like the ride and reputation), and in particular a V50. But then I hear round and about that this isn't a 'true Volvo'. Something about a Ford chassis. But what does this mean in real terms? What does it lack that a true Volvo has? Is a V70 a true Volvo, or is that also built on a Ford chassis?! Was the last true Volvo the 240?

What are the cars strengths, weaknesses?
But can anyone come in and comment on what size engine is needed to make this purchase a keeper (I've heard tell at 1.6l it's an underpowered car), about whether they're reliable and offer the benefits the Volvo name suggests they should...

and whether I should buy NEW or a 2007 model. I imagine new would mean quite a bit bigger monthly payments but is it maybe worth it in terms of an investment, I would KNOW the car's history. When it comes to financing, can anyone advise on whether should I should make a big effort to make as big a down payment as possible...what max percentage of net monthly income I should be prepared to pay on a car etc.

Also just for fun: what options should I get! After all, this is meant to be fun, right?

THANKS!

Gussy up my feet for summer.

PhoBWanKenobi — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 10:52:34 -0800

Are there any sandals as comfortable as Chacos but . . . well, cute? I live in Central Florida and I walk an average of 2 miles a day. Thanks to the climate here, my feet develop blisters really, really easily--most strappy sandals are a disaster, as are most flip-flops (because I get blisters between my toes, to boot). Last summer, my sister gave me a pair of her old Chacos and they were a god-send; I've yet to get a single blister in them, ever.

But they've started to get pretty smelly, and I've been lusting over the strappy leather kind of Roman-looking sandals I've been seeing a lot of this season. But, man, just looking at them makes my feet hurt.

I have a few other restrictions on shoe selection: I strongly prefer leather sandals with ankle straps and I am totally, completely incapable of walking in heels of just about any height. The Dansko Sissy linked on today's cankle question are cute, but I'm even skeptical about my ability to walk in heels that are that high. And because I'm a starving, soon-to-be-unemployed graduate student, I'd like to spend under a hundred dollars on them. In fact, the cheaper the better though, since I'll live in a comfortable pair of sandals, if they really fit the bill I'll be willing to pay a bit more than I normally would.

So how about it, hivemind? Do cute, truly comfortable leather walking sandals exist?

What's for dinner?

coppermoss — Mon, 09 Mar 2009 17:59:46 -0800

PlanMyMealFilter: I've had a fairly miserable couple of days and feel like cooking something soothing/comforting/delicious tonight, but am tired of my usual fallback, mac-n-cheese. What are your recipes for your favorite comfort foods? Nothing tooooo complex (it's getting late, after all) but I wouldn't mind concentrating for a while on something that isn't super-depressing. Only dietary restriction is no soy or cumin.

Looking for a coffee similar to the orange(y) taste of Southern Comfort Coffee

OneCrayon — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 15:24:10 -0800

I received a small gift packet of branded "Southern Comfort" coffee for Christmas. It is really good but all I can find is more little gift packets for sale. Anyone know where I can get a larger quantity or a very similar tasting coffee? (I think it has a citrus like flavor)

cozy lunch for vegetarians in Durham

amtho — Sat, 06 Dec 2008 18:53:31 -0800

Cozy & quiet, not-too-expensive lunch or brunch for 6-8 vegetarians, one pregnant, in Durham, NC. Where? My friend lives in Durham and is rather great with child. It's not a baby shower, just a lunch or brunch, or possibly dinner, that I'm putting together for her and some friends.

I don't want to make her drive to Chapel Hill, where there are at least two places I can think of that would be wonderful.

A couple of people have suggested Guglhupf cafe, but it seems loud (sonically live, lots of hard surfaces and often crowded) and a bit uncomfortable - one waits standing in line to order one's food. We'll want to talk -- the guest of honor is a fairly quiet person -- and I don't want to make her stand up any more than is necessary. She's in the eight month of her pregnancy.

Can anyone suggest somewhere better? There are definitely 6 of us, five of whom are vegetarian, and probably two more. I think some are graduate students, which means it would be kindest to avoid anything too extravagant.

We're planning to get together on Saturday Dec. 13 ... somewhere.

Slanket v snuggie

condour75 — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 07:01:57 -0800

I've given up any pretenses to dignity. Should I buy a slanket or a snuggie? From what I can tell, the original Slanket seems a little longer and comes in more colors, but it's effectively 4 times the price of the Snuggie. So is the slanket simply overpriced, or is the snuggie a cheap imitation?

Googling slanket versus snuggie reveals that the question has been asked, but no one has come up with a definitive answer.

Define Contentedness

netbros — Sat, 01 Nov 2008 07:19:19 -0800

What are the keys to self-satisfaction and contentedness? At this point in my life I feel reasonably content, but I'm not sure I could verbalize why. I am comfortable economically, not rich, but not living check to check either. My job is fine, not an intellectual challenge, but all I need as I near retirement. I am nearly always a happy person, yet I still occasionally get irritated by contrary individuals. I am charitable, but could always do more. How do you tell if you're content with where you are?

Pasta e Fagioli

dawson — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 10:30:20 -0800

Pasta e Fagioli, I simply must have your recipe, my dear. I have a few good Italian cookbooks and Google, but I'd really love to have your 'secret' Pasta e Fagioli recipe, as I'm still searching for the perfect homemade bowl. Minestrone recipes very welcomed as well.

Is the cultural dislike a briefs a factor important enough to make it worth my while to switch to boxers?

Anonymous — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 18:43:22 -0800

I am in my late twenties and like wearing briefs, though this is frowned upon. Is the cultural dislike of briefs a factor important enough to make it worth my while to switch to boxers? I tried wearing boxers but hated hated the loose sensation. Should I get used to the discomfort for the sake of respectability? (It seems to me that wearing boxers vs. briefs is the equivalent of having a good haircut vs. a bad one. Appearance does matter, though of course I do value comfort as well. That's why this is a dilemma for me.) P.S: I did receive negative comments about wearing briefs and many times at that.

Ultra comfy laptop usage

zaebiz — Wed, 10 Sep 2008 17:46:36 -0800

How can I get a suntan on my back and use my laptop at the same time comfortably? I guess I'm looking for some contraption that lets me comfortably lie on my stomach while having my arms and neck free to type and view. Also interested in indoor options which allow laptop use lying face down. Comfort enabling options for other postures also welcome.

Hacking the corporate sofa.

palindromic — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 15:10:43 -0800

Is there any real way of making a firm foam corporate style sofa more comfortable? I just got a (free) couch, which I desperately needed and definitely appreciate. However, it appears to have been made at hard couch land. It has steel bands under a plywood board that supports a very firm foam cushion that constitutes all of the base of the couch. Are there any relatively simple ways of softening this couch?
It does feel bit corporate, as though I don't want people sitting in my living room, which is only rarely true.

The cushion is in a zippered cloth outer shell. It has a matching level of firmness in its back support (also cushions in zippered cloth outer shells). Those are less important.

What makes this foam so firm? How can I make it more rump ready?

Adding softer cushions doesn't seem to help as these float right off the sofa and onto the floor.

My dogs are barking!

blueskiesinside — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 21:34:59 -0800

Shoe filter: I just got a job that requires standing for ten hours on concrete floors. My feet have been killing me by my lunch break. What shoes, preferably with good arch support, will keep me comfy all shift long? The shoes don't need to be heavy duty or fancy, I just need comfort and probably good soles (since I don't want to slide around on the concrete). Cheap would be nice (under $100 is optimal) but I'll spend if they're really worth it and will last a while. I'm currently wearing a pair of New Balance sneakers, and while they keep my ankles from hurting, the soles of my feet ache between my heel and the ball of my foot.

Sturdy walking shoes

scission — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 22:14:10 -0800

Looking for great walking shoes in the Bay Area. I've been in San Francisco for several weeks, doing a lot of walking in my assortment of flip flops, sandals, sneakers, and (my favorite) vaguely boot-like cheap shoes. I've experienced some mild ankle pain that I didn't have in another city last summer, when I actually did more walking than I do now.

I had a great experience with a running store that fitted me for shoes and inserts (which I actually lost in my move over here... oops). I would like to pick up new inserts at a running store, but I'm at a loss for what to do about the shoes themselves. I'm also not sure if the inserts that work for running are the best ones for walking.

Are there any other shoe stores with good salespeople that can help me find non-hideous shoes for city walking? I need a store that stocks wide-width (D) women's shoes. They don't need to be formal enough for the office, but they need to blend in better than the blinding white and reflective blue running shoes I currently have.

I have seen these posts but am specifically looking for good service, and would love to know where other wide-footed women shop. I would prefer not to shop online.

How to be comfortable?

Anonymous — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 19:43:01 -0800

How do you learn to feel comfortable with yourself? (Anonymous because of family on Mefi.)

I'm never really comfortable. I always feel like an outsider, or that I'm doing something wrong... I can just never relax because of all this.

I have low self-esteem, it's true. I also just tend to assume I've screwed up somehow and work from there. It drives some of my friends batty, but it kinda works. It keeps things steady.

Part of all of this not trusting myself is that I assume that I have to keep myself restrained. Can't let myself go, or I'll start acting on all my other problems--start confusing sex with love, start acting out, start doing all these things. Like if I let myself go, my little box of a life will just crumble and everyone will see how fucked up I am. This, plus my natural introversion, results in a lot of automatic repression, which means a lot of things just... bubbling over suddenly. I've gotten better at not talking about my feelings too much, though... which is probably part and parcel with the problem of not feeling comfortable, but it keeps me from causing unnecessary problems for anyone else.

Oddly enough, all of this came to a head in a club. I couldn't make myself dance. I was tipsy, even,which helps, but I felt so horrifically uncomfortable... I just couldn't relax. I physically couldn't. I couldn't make myself feel comfortable. Friends and acquaintances were trying to get me up and dancing, but that only made me feel worse, like I was screwing up their night slightly just by being there.

It's not that I was stressed about work or anything... I have all the free time in the world and still feel like this.

One restriction: I have no money to spend on the favorite AskMe answers of improv classes, or therapy, so those don't really work as solutions.

I know this is all kind of vague, but it's the best description I can offer. Thanks in advance.

Not another earbud question.

doift — Wed, 04 Jun 2008 11:34:05 -0800

Recommend-some-earbuds-that-meet-my-bizarrely-specific-criteria-filter: I like everything about my current earbuds except the fact that they're making my ears pop. I bought these Sony earbuds (or another very similar model), the kind with the different sizes of plastic sleeves that stick directly into your ear and make a sort of seal, to use with my iPod about two years ago, and they've served me well. They're small and light, and they're cheap so I don't worry too much about losing them. The best thing about them is that they block exactly the right amount of sound for riding the subway- I can still hear enough outside sound that I'm aware of what's happening around me, but not so much that I have to turn up the volume to painful levels in order to to hear the music.

However, I'm becoming more and more convinced that the earbuds are at least partially responsible for the continuous blocked and popping ears that I've been experiencing for the past year or so. I had an ear infection the winter before last, and now I occasionally have days where it's like my ears never fully recovered. I know I'm using the correct size plastic sleeve for my ears, and I know I'm wearing them right, I clean them regularly, and they're comfortable when I wear them. so I think it's just that something about this type of earbud irritates my ear. Maybe it's the plastic, maybe it's the way they seal, I'm not sure. And if testing that hypothesis means an excuse for a headphone upgrade, so much the better.

Basically, I need small, light headphones that don't stick into my ear like those Sonys (I'm open to other ways of sticking into my ear that are less likely to be irritating) and block a moderate amount of outside sound. My budget is under $100. I could be convinced to spend more, but it would take some hard-core convincing.

What would people recommend for a low cost, non sport, touring motorcycle?

LittleNami — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 18:17:10 -0800

What would people recommend for a low cost, non sport, touring motorcycle? My gentleman friend is looking for a touring motorcycle that is not a sport, as low cost as possible, and comfortable. Perfect bike, right? ^^ We tried looking on google with the standard word search and hoping to find comparison sites, but to no avail. We have seen many nice new Hondas and Harley's, but nothing else is coming up past the first couple of pages for other brands or something not quite so new and expensive. Are there any sites, companies, etc, that you guys know of that might help with this? Thanks in advance hive mind!