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Oh yeah, well the jerk store called... Comebacks for the introverted

pixlboi — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 08:40:04 -0800

What is a good comeback for an introvert, attending a social occasion, who gets told, for the umpteenth time, "Hey you're really quiet aren't you?" I am quiet, a good listener, fairly laid-back, definitely tend toward the introvert side of the scale but I can also enjoy certain social occasions. I am interested in people and like to listen to conversation and hear people tell their stories.

Inevitably, after quite happily listening for the majority of the evening I will be told some version of: "Hey, you're really quiet aren't you?" or "You don't say much do you?" or "You haven't said more than two sentences all night."

After dealing with this dozens of times I'm tired of thinking about it and would like a nice scripted comeback for these statements. Something light, mildly humorous maybe, witty...

The title of my post notwithstanding, I'm not offended by these statements. I'm not interested in putting the other person down or making them feel small. I'm not trying to appear smarter or superior to anyone or trying to make any negative judgement about the fact that they like to talk.

Just a light, self-effacing response. What say you, hivemind?

Your cranium called, it's got some space to rent.

hayvac — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 11:29:50 -0800

What could George's comeback to the "jerk store" retort have been? For those who don't remember the setup, here is wikipedia's summary:

George Costanza has a conflict with one of his coworkers at the New York Yankees named Reilly (Joel Polis). When Reilly catches George stuffing himself with shrimp cocktail at a meeting, Reilly remarks: "Hey George, the ocean called; they're running out of shrimp." Slow-witted George cannot think of a comeback until later, while driving to the tennis club to meet Jerry. His comeback is: "Oh yeah, Reilly? Well, the Jerk Store called, and they're running out of you." George suffers from l'esprit de l'escalier and becomes obsessed with recreating the encounter so that he can make use of his comeback. . . .

George flies to Akron, Ohio, sets up a meeting, and brings a tray of shrimp just to try out the jerk store line. When he says it, however, Reilly shoots back with "What's the difference? You're their all-time best seller." George, unprepared for this ends up using Kramer's line "Oh yeah? Well I had sex with your wife!" He is then told that Reilly's wife is in a coma.

The episode concludes like this:

[George's Car]

Once again, George drives along, frustrated and angry.

GEORGE: 'My wife's in a coma.' Yeah? Well, the life support machine called and...

He tails off, as he can't think of anywhere to go. Then a look of enlightenment comes to George's face, as he thinks of something.

GEORGE: (shouts) Wait! Yes! That's what I should've said! (frustration) D'ohh!

George looks gutted for a second, then a determined expression comes to his face. He swings the car round with a squeal of tires, and heads back towards the airport.

GEORGE: (cocky laughter) Huh haha! (shouts) You're meat, Reilly! You just screwed yourself! (laughter) Ha ha!

[END]

I realize this isn't the point of the joke, but I've always wondered what he could have said to win the exchange. Any ideas?

Success after failure; after 40

FazioGazebo — Sat, 13 Jun 2009 20:09:12 -0800

Has anyone made a significant financial comeback after 40? Hi.

I'm a 42 yr old man. I've been financially successful but after starting a company, a tough lawsuit and over-leveraging myself I am deeply in debt and without work for the first time in my career.

I need to create financial abundance if I am to care for my two children and live the life I believe I deserve.

If anyone found themselves broke and despondent at middle age but turned it all around, I would love to hear your story.

Thanks.

Step Up and Give 110%

TheSecretDecoderRing — Sat, 03 Jan 2009 22:35:04 -0800

What are some good sarcastic comebacks for those tired phrases you hear a million times? Eg, "Not that there's anything wrong with that!" "Think outside the box" or "Does this make me look fat?" One of my favorite examples was from Newsradio, where Dave, when given the ol' "But I'd have to kill you" line, quips, "Okay, but it better be good." Anything along those lines?

Personally, I wish an athlete whose team is down 0-3 in a playoff series would go, "Forget one game at a time, we're gonna try to win all four games tonight. It may be unorthodox, but it's our best shot."

No zingers here

reenum — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 18:52:59 -0800

How can I cultivate a quicker wit? I have a decent sense of humor. I can make jokes and people will laugh. When I regale people with my (prepared) bon mots at parties, there are hearty chuckles.

However, when someone snaps on me, I have a hard time coming up with a retort or a comeback. I'll inevitably come up with something lame and make myself look as lame as they allege I am. I'll usually come up with something later, but it's too late to go back and say anything at point (think George Costanza and the jerk store).

So my question is this: Are there any techniques or methods I might employ to become quicker witted?

Everybody loves a comeback!

wuzandfuzz — Sun, 24 Feb 2008 22:53:24 -0800

Celebrity comebacks with single artistic turning point? I'm looking for examples of celebrities who were has-beens until a certain movie, play, or tv show brought them back to celebrity stardom. Along the lines of John Travolta in Pulp Fiction, he had been doing crappy movies like Look Who's Talking and then was suddenly a serious actor again. That may not be the best example, but it might clarify what I'm looking for, and I'm having a really hard time thinking of anything more!

I'm thinking along the lines of if I were a producer trying to secure a semi-washed up once-great actress to star in my "genius but rather unknown" writer's movie. This is for a short story. Thanks!

The truth is that everyone is bored, and devotes himself to cultivating habits

Totally Zanzibarin' Ya — Tue, 27 Nov 2007 08:19:15 -0800

I need suggestions for a snappy comeback involving existentialism. I need a snappy/funny/witty comeback for when someone asks "How's that existentialism working out for you?".

What is that phrase about stairs?

a47danger — Fri, 24 Feb 2006 12:50:42 -0800

What is that odd phrase for when of you think of the perfect response, but at a time far too late to respond? It has something to do with "stairs."

I feel after-school special.

cior — Tue, 07 Feb 2006 05:46:04 -0800

I'm an adult who gets bullied on the public transit bus. There, I said it. Each morning at 6:54am I catch an hour-long bus from my house to my office. On this bus are two women (40-50's) who seemingly work all night in some sort of nursing capacity. When I get on, I usually find them sitting across the aisle from one another carrying on about one of their relatives or generally gossiping about life.

One of them, the one who sits across the aisle from me likes to open her window. Mind you, this morning it was 25F outside. From where she sits, she gets a light dusting of fresh air. From where I sit, it's an artic blast that a) farks up the newspaper I'm reading, b) throws my hair into my face and c) freezes my nose off.

I've responded to this situation by bearing it, non-confrontationally until both of the women get off the bus (at the same stop). I then, get up and close the window. This seems like a perfectly good solution to me, but for some reason it's not acceptable to them.

Last week, as they did the little dinger thing that signals for a stop (bonus question: what is that thing?) I got up and went across the aisle to close the window after they were out of their seats and towards the front of the bus. This act was met with a very loud and demeaning call-out peppered with phrases like:

Who does she think she is?
Look at Little Miss Thing
Uhn-uh, she's closing the window again.

It's truly endless, and so far I haven't acknowledged any of it.

At this point, everyone on the bus stares at me and laughs. They get off the bus feeling like queens. The window gets closed and I'm humiliated.

I'm looking for a way to shut them down and reclaim my power. How would I go about doing this? Mind you, I don't care that the window is open while they're on the bus but I'd like to be able to shut it while the bus is stopped as they're getting off, for reasons of balance.

Sitting in another seat isn't an answer as the bus seems to run on a sort of unspoken assigned seating arrangement (we're all regulars) and simply waiting until they are completely off the bus to close the window is too wimpy for me.

What else can I do? What witticism can I lob in their direction? What should I do when my witticism provokes a tirade in response?