Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with college

This has escalated quickly

1066 — Wed, 19 Jun 2013 09:48:35 -0800

Son of 1066 had early acceptance to a university six hours away. And we've been planning for him to go there since early December. Last week he decided he now wants to go to the local university and live with me. Acceptance is a given due to his grades. This is going to save me tons of money. The problem? I have had basically zero social life for the past sixteen years because I only had him on the weekends (no regrets). But I was really looking forward to meeting some friends and possibly even dating. So how do we go about transitioning from part-time mom and kid to full-time, loving, supportive, independent mom and adult son/roommate? Advice on any aspects of having a relative/roommate would be appreciated.

What are colleges doing about HIV other than "get tested/use condoms"?

andoatnp — Wed, 19 Jun 2013 08:06:46 -0800

What are examples of colleges that are doing new or innovative things in addressing HIV? I am most interested in approaches directed at men who have sex with men, but any general approaches about HIV that are directed at everyone or at other high risk populations would also be helpful. Most colleges seem to have adopted a message of "get tested" as their response to HIV, with "use condoms" often thrown in as well. I am looking for any other approaches to responding to HIV, especially being directed at men who have sex with men. I am primarily interested in approaches that come from official university bodies (i.e. a student health center or Office of LGBT Life), although anything that comes out of student led efforts, such as campus student groups or LGBTQ clubs would also be helpful.

Some specific approaches that I'm hoping to learn more about include:
1) Any messaging that acknowledges that men who have sex with men might not be using condoms 100% of the time.
2) Any discussion of pre-exposure prophylaxis (PrEP).
3) Any discussion of hook-up apps or online sex sites (i.e. grindr or craigslist).
4) Any innovative or interesting approaches to outreach, such as maintaining a presence on social media.

Beyond the specific numbered list above, I am interested in any schools that are doing something about HIV beyond telling everyone to get tested and use condoms. Thanks.

How to help a college student save her money?

frizz — Thu, 13 Jun 2013 19:58:17 -0800

My 19-year-old daughter loves to spend every dollar she earns. She is good about working, but she's awful at saving. She's got a great summer job, and I want that money to both cover some of her college tuition AND her living expenses in the fall. But how do I do that without becoming an obnoxious helicopter parent? My daughter has worked steadily for nearly three years, but she spends her money down to pennies within days after getting her paycheck. She is often borrowing money from friends as her own "payday loan" scenario, so she ends up with close to nothing. There have been times I've taken the paychecks and done the savings for her, doling out an allowance of my choosing. Other times I've left her to figure it out, but she ends up not saving anything.

I'd like to have her be responsible for saving and helping to pay her bills. I don't want her to get into the habit of becoming a borrower, whether that be informally with friends or formally with credit cards.

I've considered the developmental "let the child fail" option, but I'm not willing to have her give up her 4 year university on the other side of the country in order to teach her a lesson. But I also don't want to be that parent who is still managing a child's income endlessly.

How do I balance these values without driving both of us crazy?

How does finding a biology job work?

topoisomerase — Sat, 08 Jun 2013 13:15:30 -0800

I really love biology, especially ecology and conservation. I don't want to go straight into grad school, and I don't daydream about being a professor or teacher. What can I do between now and May 2014 to make myself a competitive job applicant? What jobs are available and realistic? Where can I find them? No one in my family is a scientist, so I have no idea what I'm doing. I will be graduating from college with a BA in biology in May 2014. I have a 3.6ish GPA. I've had lecture-based coursework in animal behavior, plant physiology, genetics, and developmental bio. I've also taken a couple of intro computer science classes, if that's relevant. In terms of lab work, I took an experiments in ecology course (we worked with honeybees, Capitella teleta, and plants) and I'm in a recombinant DNA tech course right now (pouring plates, doing restriction reactions and ligations, running gels, doing PCR, etc.). I also got to go to my college's research station in the Bahamas and follow around a grad student one day while she did a research project on birds there. I was also an intro bio lab TA for a semester, if that's relevant. I don't have any experience other than that, but I've really enjoyed what I've had the opportunity to do.

I haven't been able to do any internships, because I've had to catch up on credits during the summer (I had a medical issue starting mid-freshman year that is now resolved, but interfered with classes and actually doing stuff). Lab jobs mostly go to undergraduates on work-study, but I'm not on work-study. I emailed a few of the professors I've taken classes with to see if they take volunteers in their labs, but they don't. My advisor wasn't really helpful when I asked her how I could find research opportunities during school or job/internship opportunities for after graduation. She's also leaving on sabbatical starting in the fall, so I have to start over with a new adviser.

I really like working with DNA and E. coli in the lab, but I like working with animals and doing fieldwork way more. I'm also really interested in conservation. Collecting data on birds' behavior or migratory patterns! On honeybees! On marine wildlife! On the impact of pollution on breeding sites! I want to do stuff like that some day.

What can I do between now and May 2014 to make myself a competitive job applicant? How do I find jobs/internships in ecological research or conservation? What jobs are available and realistic for someone with my nonexistent qualifications? I am in Massachusetts in the Boston area, and I don't have a car, if that's relevant. I grew up in (and my folks live in) the mid-Atlantic.

I am okay with living anywhere and being paid anything after graduation, as long as I'm working at a biology-related job. I will go and talk to Career Services as well; I was just hoping AskMe could give me a head start. Thank you in advance.

Graduation anxiety, is it silly to repeat the last of year of college?

ahtlast93 — Sat, 08 Jun 2013 07:14:02 -0800

Hi Metafilter, I'm about to graduate this Summer from a college in Europe. It's for a creative profession and I'm currently honesty considering to repeat the year. Considering the circumstances (more below), would it be silly to volunteer a rerun of the year? Ok. So I'm an international student at a college in Europe.

With the so called "foundation year", the normal course takes 4 years. After my first year (fine arts) I decided to switch departments out of interest, and was admitted to another department (graphic design) without needing to repeat the year I missed. That meant that most of my peers have an extra year of experience in the field we are studying.

But it's not like I was doing bad or anything, in fact, in my third year (the one I switched) I did quite well by the end, and both my teachers and I (which is rare) were really happy with my development, saying that my outsider perspective on the discipline resulted in some fresh work.

Now I'm in the fourth (final year) and it's been tough. The structure of the course is different, and more autonomous (we are expected to take on real assignments, but also work on our own personal projects). I had to move three times (the city I live in has a pretty bad housing situation, and while people eventually find something stable, I only managed to do so a month ago), and with beginning treatment for ADHD, related medication experiments and bouts of depression and anxiety, the year turned out to be quite unstable.

My work wasn't terrible, but I feel like I haven't given my best, and to compensate for the year I missed, I took on a lot of assignments, ignoring personal projects. I regret this now, but also came to terms with the reasons for it.

Now I'm one month away from graduating and I feel like I'm absolutely not ready, and scared that I will regret graduating on a bad note. Compared to other students, that managed to more constructively work on their own projects and balance applied work, I also feel I simply don't deserve graduating.

So I've been considering, at the option isn't very unrealistic. My college is cheap (I guess in the US this wouldn't really be an option) and it wouldn't set me back very much. Talking to my parents resulted in my mother supporting ("Yea do it, you're still young") and my dad getting incredibly angry at the tought. They are ones financing this the past 4 years, with me working this year to share the costs. I could easily finance myself tough, because I still have the right for a work related scholarship (socialism yay).

It's nothing too strange in my school (the school is considered good, btw), one girl has already made the decision to redo it, and this year we've had three people who had to repeat a year previously and one who took a year off for interning. They're all doing pretty good now.

With finally a stable housing situation, and the lucidity (hopefully it's that) that I'm making this decision with, I feel like it would be a big relief for me to do it.

What do you think?

I need some career advice...

tammi209 — Fri, 07 Jun 2013 11:52:12 -0800

I'm a recent college grad confused about which path I should take: a career in the arts? Or a career focusing on law and the humanities? So, I managed to graduate from college without self-destructing. I managed to save my GPA, and--somehow--I managed to keep stress from turning my brain into a pile of goo. (On a lighter note, thanks to the direction from some of you on here, I managed to beat my depression, and I'm so grateful for that!) But now I'm stuck with the question that a lot of recent graduates find themselves with: what now?

The problem for me is that I have two career interests pulling me in two directions. On the one hand, I've always loved art and illustration, and I'm attracted to the idea of pursuing a career in graphic arts. Whether that means going to graduate school or taking individual classes to sharpen my portfolio is in dispute, but my major goal is to improve the set of skills I have in order to devote my life to the arts. This is the area I'm the most passionate in, but has the least support...

On the other hand, I'm also attracted to the idea of pursuing my intellectual interests. I went to college as a political science major (after originally leaving a studio art program due to the utter expense of it), and I kinda fell in love with it. I didn't really enter the program with a career in mind (if you discount my parent's insistence on becoming a lawyer); however, I came out of it with a genuine appreciation for the humanities (which was, in this case, a focus on political philosophy and American jurisprudence). I recently learned about a dual degree program at NYU for a J.D. & PhD in History and Politics, and, after months of saying that I would hate studying tax or business law, I entertained the idea of attending graduate school to study subjects that actually peaked my interest. I was happy to find out that I could do something that not only satisfied my interests, but satisfied my parents as well.

The only problem with this setup is that art and law are pretty much irreconcilable. If I go on one path, it would mean forsaking the other for a good amount of time. If I went to law school now, I don't see myself picking up art until my law career wound down. The problem is...I don't know if I could wait that long. On the other hand, going to a graduate art school (the SVA illustration program in particular) would be exactly what I wanted...but making a living as an artist would be particularly straining, especially coming from a background where I never had much to begin with. I feel really anxious about all this, because--in my mind--I see two different paths that take me on widely different journeys. I don't want to, years in the future, end up regretting the choice I made.

All I really want is some tips that I could use to make up my mind about this. I know that no one can make this decision for me, but I would like some pointers on what I could do to resolve this issue. Help a confused college graduate out?

Take me to your ivory tower.

davidjmcgee — Wed, 05 Jun 2013 10:59:16 -0800

I like novels that take place in boarding schools (or in colleges that feel like boarding schools). I've been to Brakebills, Ault, Hampden, Devon, the Concent of Saunt Edhar (totally counts), the University of Missouri, Enfield Tennis Academy, and Hogwarts.* Where should I go next? *(which is to say I've (relatively) recently read The Magicians duology, Prep, The Secret History, A Separate Peace, Anathem, Stoner, Infinite Jest, and all of Harry Potter and the Whatnot of the Whatnot)

Education while working full time

antgly — Sun, 02 Jun 2013 21:03:06 -0800

I'm a part time college student who studies Computer Science and works full time as a junior mobile developer in New York City for an air travel company. I am currently half way through my undergraduate degree due to family issues and simply because I work the whole week. Even so, courses at Brooklyn College where I go to have the worst schedules for some of the major classes. It seems as if college is for the person with a family backbone and I'm struggling a bit as I do not have such support. Are there any resources available for me so that way I won't delay with college so much while being able to work full time?

Don't have a HS Diploma and never been to college... now want a degree.

brownrd — Tue, 28 May 2013 13:34:46 -0800

I want to work full-time, get a 4-year degree, and when I am done still make enough money to support 4 kids. I am mid-40s. I dropped out of Junior High back in the 80s... got straight A's in science but was otherwise a lousy student. Got into a career which, 25 years later has allowed me to make 6 figures... and I hate it. My interests? History and Anthropology. I want to go to college and get a degree in one of the two (preferably Anthropology). So... still have 4 kids out of 5 at home and my wife stays home. I need to finish my degree (did I mention that I have never advanced beyond high school?), while I am still working, and when I am done I want to make enough money to support my family. Never mind that while I am intelligent, I am not educated in the traditional sense (call me self-educated). Pipe dream? Anyone done this? If so... how so?

Trying to remember a specific college that emphasizes career placement

edgybelle27 — Thu, 23 May 2013 22:53:26 -0800

Once I read about a small college that had excellent career placement rates, and almost solely focused on computer science, software design, and IT. I vaguely remember it being located in Colorado, but I'm not confident about that. Can someone help me remember the name of the school?

Feedback on Draft Campus Policy About Free Speech

andoatnp — Tue, 21 May 2013 13:26:00 -0800

My school is currently working on a new "Respect for Freedom of Expression Policy". A PDF of the latest draft is available here. I would appreciate any feedback about ways to improve it, especially from the perspective of allowing maximum free speech, protest, and dissent, and limiting the ability of the school to crack down on campus activism. I am hoping that people have experience with these kinds of policies from other schools and might be able to share what you have learned. Is there anything in the document that jumps out as a red flag? How might the school use the contents of this policy to limit activism on campus? What changes should we try to have made to the current contents?

Also, is there anything that isn't in this draft that we should try to have included? Because Emory is a private institution, it has some leeway in setting it's own policies. We would like to have this document improved to allow for maximum rights for future campus activists so that we can hold Emory to this standard in the future.

Any comments or insights about these kinds of policies would be appreciated, as well as the specifics of this draft.

Where should I travel?

Shasta — Sun, 19 May 2013 15:37:54 -0800

My roommates and I are going abroad for the month of July. We're American college students; we'd like to go somewhere warm and cheap for a month. The thing is, we're not necessarily looking to go backpacking the whole time. I'm searching for a place that's super cheap, warm, and close to the ocean where we can write/relax/make music for a month. Shoestring budget here, and we don't mind dumpster diving. In the past I've sublet an apartment in Paris for two months for really cheap and just lived there to explore the city. Does anything spring to mind that's coastal and doable? --------------------------

Two goals of ours:

-Spend at least three weeks on the ocean (we're all from Kansas haha)

-Visit/swim in a waterfall; camping by one a swimmable one would amazing!

------------------------

More about us, if it's relevant:

My two roommates are both 19 guys and haven't left the country.

I'm a 21 guy, and have lived in Paris for a few months on my own/hitchhiked across parts of Europe.

Also, if it's relevant to the destination country in terms of culture or violence, I'm gay (roomies are straight). For better or for worse, few people guess my sexuality. If it's necessary to hide that in a foreign country for safety, that is ok but I'd like to know! Of course I'll be looking it up myself as well. Thanks!

Which laptop to buy for a college freshman?

tatiana wishbone — Thu, 16 May 2013 10:08:44 -0800

My brother is starting college in a few weeks and needs a new laptop. His only requirement is that it run Windows 8. My requirements are that it is under $800 and can withstand manhandling by an 18-year-old. I'm leaning towards a Dell because of their perceived good reputation - is this accurate? Any recommendations for Dell models or other brands? Bonus: he will click every suspicious link, download any fool thing, and therefore infects computers with viruses instantly. What can I do to prevent this? His favorite line is "Norton anti-virus IS a virus!"

I need help finding motivation to study when I can barely get out of bed

Hey Judas! — Wed, 08 May 2013 12:15:04 -0800

How do I get the motivation to ace my college finals while dealing with depression? I lucked out majorly because all my finals are on the last two days of the finals period. I have an entire two weeks of free time before I have to take my finals (one of which is worth 90% of my grade!).

I've been dealing with depression for the past two months. Not so much the suicidal, sad all the time depression I've had in the past, but the brain fog, inability to wake up before noon, absolutely no motivation type. I just started treatment last week.

I have missed almost all of my classes for the past 3 weeks (attendance doesn't count towards any of them, it was mostly just lectures taken from my textbooks). Things are not so bad that I need to take an incomplete in any of my classes. I know I can learn everything I need to learn in these two weeks.

I can't believe how extremely lucky I am to have an entire 2 weeks to study. Usually I have 3 or 4 days, at most. This is a huge opportunity I cannot miss.

However, I have no idea how to actually get myself out of bed, get to the library and actually study. That is (hopefully) where you guys come in. How can I motivate myself to do this? I think as long as I can wake up early and get out of the house I will ok, but it feels completely impossible in the morning.

I just feel at a loss here. I've always cared a lot about my education, but I honestly don't even care if I fail anymore. I know exactly what I need to do in order to succeed, but my body is telling me to climb back into bed (after 10+ hours of sleep) and start tomorrow. I would be extremely grateful for any advice you give me.

When the "very best" isn't good enough

Anonymous — Tue, 07 May 2013 17:57:36 -0800

I'm graduating college, but it hasn't gone 100% how it should have. I struggled both academically and mentally (have been getting help for both, but it's a process without any "magic bullet"). I have had a lot of pressure from all sides of the family to go into medicine, but I have to see how it is first (through an internship). How do I confidently defuse their nagging questions and bring them back to reality? My GPA is nowhere where it needs to be for medicine. Honestly, I'll give the internship a chance, but I never particularly wanted to be a doctor. (Not that I would mind being one if I could, but not exactly much of a calling, either.)

On the flip side, I don't really know what I INDEED want to be, and I may have to go through several jobs and/or internships to really know. Just like a "normal person", I guess.

A lot of family members are physicians. Many don't really like their jobs! Yet all are trying to use me as a "sacrificial lamb" of some sort. Yes, it's bizarre.

They're not pressuring their own kids...

It's not as if most people know what they want to be, is it? It's not the 1800s anymore where you have to work the same factory job from the age of 12 to 70!

The best book on college grammar?

Leah — Tue, 07 May 2013 12:57:55 -0800

I have just finished a college course in business English. I did well, but I want to be able to look at parts of speech in a sentence and understand enough to know for sure why I am using who or whom or when to choose subjective or objective pronouns. (Example: Do you think it was THEY who left the door unlocked overnight?) My textbook spent more time telling you to substitute he or him for who or whom, but I wanted to be able to understand what part of speech was responsible for the choice. What is the best college level or above textbook to teach me this? Thank you in advance.

What should I look for in a Public Relations/Communications program?

winterportage — Mon, 06 May 2013 09:12:25 -0800

I'm thinking of enrolling for Fall 2013, and I'm interested in a practical, skills based (as opposed to academic) program. What courses are absolutely essential nowadays? My dream job would be to do Communications for a performing arts theatre, music festival, non profit organization, trade association or something like that. I'd also like to have these skills in general, in case I decide to volunteer for a political party. Yes- I know I would be poor forever- but for now this is what I'm going with. If I have to work in the corporate world instead some day that's fine too.

I am looking for a one-year post grad program in Ontario or Quebec (Montreal would be my #1 choice-- so much so that I'd consider going there even if the program is not as good because I think it's the best place for what I want to do). Some of the choices I'm considering are McGill, Concordia, Loyalist and Algonquin.

Courses I think I would need:
Fundraising
Event Management
Digital Media

Internship/Coop placement?

I know volunteering is going to be my way in moreso than the college diploma, but I want to go back to school and I think something like this would make me more confident in feeling like I would know what I'm doing on the job. Also, based on an informational interview I did last week, it seems like a college program in addition to my arts degree is a good combo.

Basically, if you are in PR, what courses would you deem essential to any college program that is worth doing? Also, I know that there are no jobs anywhere, I'm going to be poor, etc etc, but for now this is what I'm considering.

I can no longer start or finish even the most basic tasks.

marsbar77 — Sun, 05 May 2013 23:10:06 -0800

And I mean anything. People, school, projects, hobbies... I always, always give up on the things I start. And it isn't even about losing interest. Yeah, there are things that I'll eventually lose interest in and quit and that's not really a problem. What bothers me is that I quit things I'm actually interested in, too. For example, I was so completely into a book I was reading last week. Really, really into it. You'd think I'd finish it, then, but I didn't. I have an entire library full of half-read books, most of which I'd love to start reading again but just can't. Won't. Cant. Ugh. It's like that with absolutely everything. I'm fascinated by psychology and started studying it but eventually stopped despite my continuing interest. I'd write a story, get to the middle, and stop, regardless my desire to keep working on it. I never finish art projects, never finish video games, and rarely finish movies or TV series. Heck, I can't even finish listening to songs! It doesn't matter how much I love the song-- I still have a terrible habit of stopping music half-way and going to the next one.

I do that with other things besides projects and hobbies. I'd befriend someone and eventually just drift away from them, and not because I'd find them no longer interesting or anything like that. I just do. I'd do so well in school for months and then just stop. And it's not that I hate school or anything. In fact, I quite *like* school. In the long run that doesn't mean a thing, though.

I don't know what's wrong with me or what to do to fix this. I've pushed myself to finish things in the past (obviously), but that usually leaves me feeling exhausted and completely disinterested in just about everything afterward, instead of feeling empowered or something like you'd expect. And the feeling would last for DAYS. For instance, let's say I pushed myself to write an essay. I'd feel so tired afterward, and finishing ANYTHING after that would become doubly hard. I truly don't know what to do.

I'm supposed to graduate college this month ( after six years) and I don't even know if I'll be able to complete the assignments required in my final courses, let alone do anything of value with my life afterwards. What's wrong with me?

I don't want these bridges to burn...

DRoll — Mon, 29 Apr 2013 19:09:12 -0800

I just learned that I have been fired from my resident assistant position. How do I handle my final two weeks and move on? I was hired to be a resident assistant at my university this fall after living on campus for two years. I had had a decent experience living in the residence halls, and I wanted to continue to have that experience while being a student leader. I was very excited to start, but also a little nervous. My excitement disappeared, however, when I learned that I had been assigned to a building that had a bad reputation and was known as the "party dorm" instead of returning to the dorm where I had previously been a resident. This assignment was not a good fit for me at all. I was very disappointed, and I came in with a bit of a chip on my shoulder.

The year was not a great one. Half of my building's original staff had been fired by the end of the semester, and we had a fairly large number of problems with residents. My floor was relatively well-behaved, but it was a struggle to build a community. The entire experience was a HUGE adjustment after living in the (relatively quiet) Honors hall on the other side of campus. I am an introvert, so I had to quickly break out of my shell. I tried the best I could to handle my responsibilities, but it was a huge struggle and very stressful. When combined with other personal issues, I was not always in a positive mindset.

Now, we have come to the end of the year evaluations. I just learned this evening that I have not been rehired, primarily because of my attitude towards the job. This was not entirely surprising to me, but I am still disappointed. I don't know if this job is a good fit for me, but I was really hoping for a fresh start this fall in a different building with (hopefully) a more mature group of students. I had already told several people that I was really looking forward to starting over, and now, that's not happening. My firing is somewhat of a stress release, but at the same time, it is also a huge personal failure to me. I have never been fired from anything before.

I also have a younger brother who has just been hired as an RA, so I'm hoping that I am not negatively reflected onto him. He is a great fit for the position, and I know that he will succeed.

We still have two weeks to go, and I am not really looking forward to everything that is still going on in our building, including several building-wide programs and resident check-outs. I have a decent relationship with everyone on my staff, but I'm really not looking forward to dealing with them once they found out I'm not coming back. How can I best handle these next two weeks and make a graceful exit? Is this a blessing in disguise?

How to discuss a possible learning disability with a student?

Anonymous — Mon, 29 Apr 2013 16:27:10 -0800

I teach college students. One otherwise capable student I have taught this year has struggled in particular ways that suggest s/he might have a learning disability or similar. The school's office for student disability service can provide testing &c if the student contacts them. What is the best way to discuss this with the student and recommend they seek assistance? This student is in a language class that depends heavily on reading and translating from an inflected language. The student frequently fails to properly identify verbal forms. It's not clear to me if the student simply is not yet experienced enough in the language, but it's clear they are failing to distinguish between mostly similar phonemes. The student also frequently mispronounces words in this language by transposing syllables (eg "magnificent" would become "magnicifent"), and has misspelled newly learned English words in writing (but is a native English speaker). I don't know anything about learning disabilities but it seems to me that the student is struggling specifically with this one important verbal element. There has been zero improvement over the course of the semester, which is troubling. I can't really diagnose anything but I'd like the student to have access to helpful resources.

As an educator, what is the best way to approach this? Email or face-to-face? What sort of language is appropriate? I have trouble finding a way to do this that a. doesn't involve me asking if they have ever been diagnosed (not my business) and b. doesn't offend. Or should I just butt out? I'm junior TT faculty if that helps.

How to stop ruminating on "what could have been"

Seeking Direction — Sat, 27 Apr 2013 12:55:09 -0800

I chose a degree path that ended up being much different than I expected, and regularly beat myself up for not choosing a certain other one four years ago. In all honesty, the "other" choice would have definitely come with its own problems, and may have even been worse. However, I constantly get tempted into thinking "what could have been". How do I accept that both choices probably sucked equally, and that you never know what life is going to throw at you, good or bad? I generally believe "everything happens for a reason", and am trying desperately to focus on future possibilities rather than foggy, idealized past circumstances, but I keep ending up in this loop of "what could have been".

I guess you could call it the contrived, perverse illegitimate sibling of nostalgia.

I should note that I have an anxiety disorder.

Any advice?

Help me fix my brain

sock clock — Fri, 26 Apr 2013 18:24:09 -0800

Help! I think I might have ADD. Does that sound right, Internet? I know you're not doctors and can't diagnose me over the Internet. Can you help me find a place to get tested (and treated if appropriate) in Cambridge, MA? Background: Growing up, I was always one of the "gifted" kids, but I was always really inattentive. When I was a kid at CTY, my RA would get frustrated with me for not following directions. I told her that I just didn't hear her - and she called my parents to ask about my "hearing problems." I don't have hearing problems; I just wasn't picking up on what she said, or what a lot of people said.

I did well academically as a kid, and I did okay (95/100 GPA) in high school. I am not doing as well as I would like in college now that learning is unstructured. I have a lot of withdrawals on my transcript, and I am the kid who waits until the last minute and slams through all the material (or the entire paper) in a night or two of intense focus.

I have no trouble concentrating on stuff I really love. I can power through information on photography or music; stuff like that. Sometimes when I've been playing guitar for a while, I look at the clock to see that five hours have passed. I love the Internet and I always have a million tabs open. I sometimes forget the initial reason why I opened my browser.

I have trouble studying or doing readings (or even reading books for pleasure) on my own for long stretches of time unless I am cramming at the last minute. I have trouble starting projects in advance. My follow-through is terrible. I am the flaky kid. I hate being the flaky kid. I have tried not being the flaky kid, and end up being flaky anyway.

I also have trouble in groups processing large amounts of auditory information - I get a lot of signal loss.

I'm a college student, but my university doesn't screen for ADHD. I'm worried about being labelled as a drug-seeker.

Other mental health history: I had depression when I started college (I would be walking around campus, daydreaming about walking in front of buses). My school put me on Zoloft, and it even zapped anxiety that I never knew I had (my mind was suddenly clearer, and I could socialize like a normal person). Unfortunately, I experienced tons of side effects and it eventually made me somewhat hypomanic when my dosage was increased. My prescriber didn't label it as hypomania, but agreed that I should stop taking the medication. I haven't had a recurrence of depression since going off the medication.

I would love recommendations on coping strategies and places where I can go to get help in Cambridge, MA.

How to help a grieving student?

Anonymous — Fri, 26 Apr 2013 12:09:57 -0800

I am a (new) professor at a small, rural university. One of my students has had to take an emergency leave due to a death in their family. Aside from assuring them that they need not think about their schoolwork at all, and that we'll work it out when they're ready, is there anything else I can do to support them? The department I am in is unusually tight knit. Students and faculty pride themselves on our community, but I have no idea what to do in this situation. I'd appreciate any suggestions, from getting a card, to having them over for a meal when they get back. The meal thing would not be unusual for our department, but might be just because I don't know this student that well and I wouldn't want them to feel pressured into something that made them uncomfortable. So, what would be the best way to handle this situation so that the student feels supported, but not overwhelmed?

I will be checking with senior faculty, too, but Metafilter seems to understand grieving in a powerful way, so any stories you can share or advice would be very much appreciated.

I don't know anyone at my college; I want friends, parties, and hookups

Anonymous — Mon, 15 Apr 2013 06:25:07 -0800

I'm finally realizing that even though I'm at a huge school, people won't just magically come to me, so I'm trying to make new friends, go new places, and enjoy myself. I want to be the guy that everyone knows, who is always busy. Problem is, I don't understand how to start since I don't know anyone, and since I've been in this situation for two years now, I can't play the "new in town" card anymore. Help? There are a few things that I can't wrap my head around.

How do I make friends in my classes? I'm friendly, I talk to everyone I sit near, but I don't understand how to actually do things with them. I can't invite them to lunch right then and there since I normally have other classes right afterwards; I can't invite them to any parties because I don't know of any. I don't consider myself shy, but it seems really strange to jump from "we sit next to each other in Spanish" to "know of any parties this weekend?"--or am I overthinking this?

How do I meet people in bars and clubs? Most people seem to go in groups, and I'd do that if I could, but right now it would just be me, alone. Do people really just go to bars are start talking to strangers? What do I say?

Details: I'm male, 24 years old, and go to a large school well-known for partying.

Are online colleges really that awful?

earthquakeglue — Fri, 12 Apr 2013 22:17:49 -0800

I'm looking into going back to school...online, but online colleges seem to have a bad reputation. Are there any GOOD ones out there? I'm looking into going back to school i only went for one semester in '06 after i graduated high school. I do a lot better when i can go at my own pace and i'm not running a marathon to keep up with everyone else.

I have a job, and my hours are always different so i can't go to school at normal hours really. I can't really afford to take off or quit while i go to school, so i'm not going to do that.

I want to go back so i won't be living paycheck to paycheck and can possibly get out of working in a crumby job, etc...I'm not exactly sure what i'd want to do, but i've always been really into world history and graphic design.

Have any of you gone through college online? Are there any GOOD online colleges/universities you'd reccomend?