Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with college and depression

Depression

mccarty.tim — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 09:08:17 -0800

How do I explain to my mom and my therapist that I feel like my depression has come back and that I'm wasting my time at college? For the past two years, I've been struggling with depression. What's bad is this has been pretty much my entire college career marred by this. This probably involves Asperger's syndrome to a small degree, especially since my sister is diagnosed as autistic.

I've fallen into a cycle. At the beginning of the semester, I'm somewhat healthy and able to pull of the chores I need to do around the house or the dorm (cook dinner, mow the lawn, etc) and get my work done. A few weeks later, I start to lose my sense of motivation and begin to lag behind. By the end of the semester, I'm a borderline recluse, only leaving the house/my room for classes that I'm convinced are essential, and even them I'm somewhat late. The best I can muster is Ds and low Cs, even though I was an honor roll student in high school and enrolled in the honor program at college for the first part of freshman year.

This has happened for the two years I was at a four year college (in a dorm), and it's happening now in the middle of the semester at the community college I transferred to in order to get my grades up.

My GPA is abysmal (think low 2.x), and I'm worried my life is stuck in idle. I feel like I've shredded any goodwill or credibility that my good grades from my high school career bought me.

I know the normal answer is to take a sabbatical, but my mom was against that. She said that she didn't think she could afford to have me be around the house for a semester, and that she didn't think I'd have the work ethic to hold down a job.

I've hinted to her that I am once again falling behind, and she's threatening to send me to this 6-month facility in Michigan that is for people with Aspergers and other ASD. I'm not sure I'm that far down the spectrum (I had friends in college, and I can understand social cues and empathize with people), but I am desperate for some form of structure to straighten me out. I've even considered enlisting in the Navy, as I don't want to be a fiscal burden to my family. She's also refused to acknowledge my depression as its own illness, saying that it is an outgrowth of my ASD. Thus, I've been seeing a therapist who specializes in Aspergers rather than depression, as she will not pay for any other therapist. I've been prescribed Effexor, which has helped my depression noticeably, but I'm either building a tolerance or getting more depressed because my depression is obviously back. I've been on a host of other SSRIs, Welbutrin, and amphetamines, so I don't know if I'd really need a change of meds at this point.

What's worse is that I'm worried I tend to be in denial and lie to myself and my therapists about the issues I'm facing. How can I work around this? I get really anxious when confronting the issues, so I get worried about asking my professors how I can make up missing work. It's taken me two weeks to build up the courage to email my chemistry professor about how I can make up an exam I missed.

At home, my mom is worried about choosing and paying for a college for my high functioning Autistc sister, moving away from NJ to a place with lower cost of living, upkeeping our home which is starting to face major repair issues as it ages, and her job as an administrative assistant, which pays her poorly and is very stressful as her boss pretty much forces her to do the job of an accountant. She comes home very stressed, and it is hard to talk to her. She especially gets frustrated with my tone of voice and affect, more so than people outside the family. The noise of fingers on a keyboard or the sound of a person drinking a cup of coffee can set her off, so I think she may have auditory issues. As she is very stressed, it takes very little to set her off. I don't know how I can ask her about making a major change to fix my depression rather than just sedating it.

Most conversations with my mom end up with her yelling at me that I need to straighten up or I will end up homeless or working for a gas station, which may be true. However, it does not fix the underlying issue. She has never had issues with motivation (according to her), and she usually tells me that when she was 16, she was already employeed doing audits for the state, which gave her a free ride at college. While I'm sure she thinks the story is motivating and inspiring, it does not help me. I'm very much aware of the good things that could happen if I were motivated, the issue is that I'm not motivated, and when I'm at my most depressed, I'm not even motivated to go out of the way to do something I enjoy (IE I find it takes too much effort to start and stay with a videogame, cooking or a book, so I'll just watch TV or sleep).

Sorry for the long post. I was just wondering if I could get some advice on how best to confront my mom about these issues, and how best I can look into moving forward. I want to break this cycle that's been killing my GPA.

Future=Education-(MoneyxTime)?

missix — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 09:44:54 -0800

My life as a word problem: what is the best, smartest way for someone to change career fields, or increase their range of career options, given limitations of knowledge, time, money and sanity? I've seen variations on this question, but answers never seem specific enough beyond "go back to school", and I am very much in need of specific ideas.

Background: I have a BA in Useless with a GPA of 2.8, which took me 7 long years to achieve thanks to a talent for depression and totally collapsing under stress that I discovered in my early twenties. Not a unique story, I understand, so like a lot of people who didn't shine in college, I'm now facing a directionless future.

Present day: I'm 28, and have been working as a secretary-type for three years, long enough to know that I am not suited for office work and the business world at all. My job makes me increasingly unhappy, and I really need to go into something else.

Limitations: little experience, poor academic record, credit card debt, and the aforementioned stress and depression. Varying combinations of these rule out graduate programs, switching jobs or moving away or doing something completely amazing like the Peace Corps.

Options: I do work for a university, which provides me with a big tuition break on classes, should I choose to take them (the downside of that being that I have to stay in my job). I know I am interested in the sciences and medical fields, though I don't have much knowledge aside from a few bio and anatomy classes, so it's difficult to decide on a set career path from that. I do want to find a job/career where I can be useful, have practical skills and a lot of options to move around, which is unfortunately far too vague to build a plan around.

So, it would seem like I should go back to school, but how? As a post-baccalaureate student, which would take years on a part-time basis, and require me to stay in my job while taking out loans to pay all the fees (I am poor, poor, poor)? As a non-admitted student, to save money? I suspect this would limit my options for getting involved in research or getting to know professors who could provide recommendations later on. Should I look into vocational training at the local community college instead?

Ultimately, I want to leave where I'm living and working as soon as possible, so I need to get moving. But my prior bad experience with college puts me in high-anxiety mode as soon as I start trying to sort through the possible plans, and I'm terrified of picking a course of action that turns out to be a stupid waste of time and money.

Any wise people out there know what the smart thing to do when it comes to starting over with your education and life? Advice, speculation and especially personal experiences are welcome - there is no one in my life who seems to be able to help, and I'm getting a little panicky trying to sort it out on my own.

Keep the black dog at bay

teraspawn — Sun, 02 Aug 2009 02:08:47 -0800

Depression in University/College: most of you seem to have been through it, do you have any tips? According to my research, about 90% of Mefites suffered from depression while they were in university ^{[citation needed]}. You gave me some amazing advice in my previous question about taking a year out from my course, and I'm happy to say I feel like I'm mostly out of the woods now and ready to start second year again in September.

However, as someone who's fairly prone to depression, I'm a little apprehensive about trying to keep up with my work, socialising and looking after myself (when I don't have my mum on hand to feed me!).

I've read this question on a similar topic, but I'm looking for general advice and tips on how to depression-proof my time at university, and how to do well academically without driving myself absolutely potty. What do you think, Hive Mind?

Should I register for classes in the fall?

Anonymous — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 12:56:03 -0800

So I'm about to start my 7th year of community college... Yeah, I've been going to community college for six years. God, I want to throw up. I'm just trying to figure out if I should register for fall, if I should take a single class, if I should take a full-time courseload, or what.

All the boring details follow:

My dad forced me into going to school at first; I really wanted to take off a year after high school, and in retrospect really wish I'd had the guts to do so. It would have been fine, but I was afraid of my dad at the time. I did badly that first year, and got a couple Fs and Ws.

After that, I got a job and moved out while going to school at night. I did okay for a while, but progress was very slow going. A couple years of that later, I moved back in with my parents, thinking that I would be able to deal with all the parental bullshit much better now that I'd proven myself by supporting myself for a while and being responsible.

Not so. Living with my parents is fraught with the threat of emotional, verbal and occasionally physical abuse at any time. Some people would be able to tolerate these occasional outbursts in exchange for the weeks of rent-free living in between them, but soon I fell into deep depression. There's a good 9-12 month period there after I moved back in of blankness, stagnation, depressive blackness. My grades steadily got worse, and much of that time was spent re-taking classes I'd failed my first year anyway.

So I got another job and moved out last year. I got over my depression. But goddamn it, I couldn't go back to taking a single class a semester while having so little time for a social life or my hobbies. I saved up a little money, I registered for a full-time course load last spring. I moved back in with my parents and promptly procrastinated my way into withdrawing from half my classes.

This past summer, I registered for a single, six-week English class. I told myself I would focus on just one class and grind it out. It started out okay, but a bunch of fighting erupted at home and I couldn't concentrate, even after the fighting ended. I couldn't go from fighting to sitting down with coffee and writing a paper about gender identity or whatever the fuck. So I failed that class.

The thing is, once I was able to actually turn a paper in on time in that English class, I got an A on it no problem. And I've gotten A's in the past. I know I am capable of good work, of hard work. But it's always one thing after another with my fucking family. There is just constant conflict and tension. I mean, we get along one on one, but when you get more than three of us together in a room there's going to be some yelling, so we usually avoid situations that put us together like that. I can't live like this. There are some people who can compromise on the day to day like this and deal; I'm not one of them. My dad is one of them, and he's usually the guy instigating the fights.

So basically where I'm at now is I have to move out, for good, and never ever come back here. But I don't want to give up on school. For one, it seems like a cruel joke that it's only in the last year or so that I know what I want to study whereas for years after I started college I had no idea. I want to get to a university where I can actually delve into this subject (since they don't teach it at community college). I have just over a year's worth of credits but the general ed requirements I have left will take me a year full-time. I just cannot imagine going to school full-time if I'm working to support myself, even with the financial aid I'm getting.

I really don't want to quit school. I've been going for a long time and I just don't have time to lose by taking a semester or year to "find myself" or "get situated." I know what I want to study now, and I know what the problem is: my family. What I don't know is how I'm going to pay for it. So I don't know what to do here. I'm really at a loss. Every time I think I'm coming to a decision I get pulled towards the other side.

If I take a single class this semester, I'm pushing back transferring to at least one and a half years from now, if not two, because of pre-requisites. If I take both the pre-reqs I need to, which add up to nine units, I don't see how I'll have enough time to work to save up any money to get the fuck out of here and I don't see how I can succeed when a fight can erupt at any moment.

What do I do?!?!

I have an email address, askmeaboutcommunitycollege@gmail.com , if you want to ask me a question or something. Thanks for reading! :)

One minute I held the key, next the walls were closed on me...

cobain_angel — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 19:24:57 -0800

Help me go back to being a happy girl. Here it goes. This may get long, so please bear with me.

I'd always been a very bright and cheerful person who pretty much walked through the pains of life with a smile on my face. I was always convinced that anything I'd need from life I would get by means of working hard to get it. To me, nothing was impossible. This attitude about life took me through a stressful childhood (alcoholism, abuse), a move to a different country (the US), learning the new language (English!) in six months or so, and dealing with complicated situations at home (same situations as childhood). I was always eccentric (a good friend of mine referred to me once as "insane, but in a good way"), artistic, and willing to try all sorts of new things. Two years ago I met a wonderful young man and we embarked in what has truly been the best relationship I have ever had.
All of this changed last summer. I was preparing to go to a college I'd been wanting to go to for a while. I got accepted and so did my boyfriend. We were ecstatic and everything was ready. However, due to a completely unexpected problem with banking bureaucracy over in Mexico (my home country) I was left unable to attend the college I wanted. This shattered my confidence; for the first time, I was forced to face the fact that there were some things that I just was unable to change. I was able to pull myself together well enough to register for the city's community college in time, while my boyfriend would attend "our" college by himself three hours away. I was completely devastated, and felt betrayed by my boyfriend. Though he was sad, it was an exciting experience for him. I felt abandoned and needed him very much, but also understood that going to college was important and that he wasn't abandoning me. He was as supportive as he could and made sure that I always had an outlet to my frustrations. We talked every day, and tried to keep things as happy as we could without stifling any emotions.
As the months passed, I went from being the girl described above to being a lonely, sad person. I stopped trying out new things and enjoying the things I used to love before. I went from not having enough hours in the day to do what I wanted to spending afternoons sitting on my couch doing nothing at all. My muses for painting, drawing, writing and crafting went dead. Even though my boyfriend visited practically every week, I stopped being the affectionate, fiery girlfriend I used to be and barely even kissed or touched my boyfriend; our sex lives pretty much disappeared. I felt unable to take on any relatively big tasks, feeling that I wasn't in control of my life. The only thing that I was able to do well was keep my grades up.
Now the school year is over and my boyfriend is back from college. He found it disappointing and regrets it, no doubt in part because of me. Our relationship feels damaged. We don't fight, and we are still very loving and caring with each other. But he misses the girlfriend he left behind. I am very sad with the way I have become, but I have no idea of what to do to go back to being the same girl I used to be. What can I do?

I think I might be about to flunk out of college for the second time.

Anonymous — Sat, 30 May 2009 18:59:12 -0800

I think I might be about to flunk out of college for the second time. Last Fall I failed out of college pretty spectacularly, passing only one class (with a D). Basically I was having some mental health issues (a pretty serious depressive episode) and managed to do basically none of the work required of me (I'm an English major, so it was mostly just not handing in papers).

They kicked me out for a year, I went home to live with my parents, temped part-time and took some classes part-time to make up the credits, tried to work out my psychological stuff and then came back to my school this Spring.

I've never been good at "doing school," and although I started the semester off okay, for the last two months or so I've been totally slacking off--skipping class, procrastinating, basically falling back into old bad habits. The catch is that I've completed and handed in all of the papers I've had to write, which is a complete 180 from last Fall so I didn't even really realize how much I was fucking around.

Except I screwed up pretty badly in my (intro-level) science-type electives (the reason I took these classes was to complete some general requirements and also because they were the only open classes that fit into my schedule, plus I didn't want to deal with having to write as many papers.)

These classes don't have papers, they have problem sets, and the professors don't accept them late, so when I didn't do the problem sets it was easy to shrug off as a lost cause because they aren't worth a huge percentage of the class grade anyway, so it just didn't feel like a big deal.

Since I was handing in all of the papers I had to write, I guess I deluded myself into thinking that school was going okay. Except one of my science classes just posted my grade: C minus, which is about a full letter grade lower than I was expecting (basically I was getting Bs on the exams so I thought I was in the clear, and just didn't really think about the 10 points I was going to lose from not handing in the problem sets), and it's made me realize how badly I could potentially do in the other science class.

I need a C minus or better in the other class to be allowed to stay at school. I did some number-crunching, and unless I did pretty well on the final, it looks like I might not hit the mark.

My grade is going to be posted sometime between now and Monday, and basically I am COMPLETELY freaking out at this point. I need advice in two ways:

- What can I do to relax between now and when my grade gets posted? I already have depression and anxiety issues and this is the most stressed I've ever been about anything, ever--plus I just spent the last two weeks in the throws of finals and writing a huge research paper, so I'm dealing with residual stress from that as well. I have a pounding headache, I feel nauseated and I've been crying for at least three hours.

- How do I plan for the worst? I'm freaking 23 years old but feel like I'm 16. I don't feel capable of living on my own or getting a job in this economy with just a high school diploma and no serious work experience. I really don't get along with my parents and the year I spent living at home was horrible, but I'm worried that I'll end up moving back in with them just because it's easy and end up staying out of inertia, not paying rent or for food and just basically continuing to live like a high schooler. I have about six grand in savings--do I suck it up and stay with my parents until I find a job, or do I find an apartment first? Should I even be making these plans at all, or do I wait until I know for sure what's going on (after all, there's still a chance I could just barely make the grade. I studied like hell for the final but never feel completely confident with science/math-type stuff so I genuinely have no idea how I did, plus I also don't know how well I need to do since I haven't been bothering to pick up the quizzes and don't know the grade I got on a written assignment toward the end of the semester that was a decent chunk of our grade).

Complicating matters: I don't drive, and I'm from Manhattan and would really love to stay in New York City (all of my friends are there; driving isn't necessary; and in addition to being comfortable there I absolutely love the city), but I know rent is exorbitant, even in the outer boroughs, and job competition is fierce.

I just feel totally overwhelmed. Help.

Thoughts about my thinking?

Anonymous — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 05:20:37 -0800

Previously on AskMe: a whole bunch of questions about how to think more, better, etc. But what if I'm finding myself not interested in deliberative thinking? I love argumentation and discourse, but I've realized recently that deliberative thought holds very little interest for me. Unfortunately, as a college student and member of a post-industrial society, that skill seems almost essential.

I've got a strong interest in law, and am on my school's mock trial team, where I'm the lead attorney, although I'm only a sophomore. It's the most fun experience I've had in a long time, and it makes me think I might like to pursue litigation, trial lawyering, or a judging as a career.

I was diagnosed last year with dysthymia and have been undergoing counseling for nearly a year and a half, along with anti-depressants for a little over a year now. Aside from any chemical imbalances, my philosophy tends towards the nihilistic and can't quite make the reach to existentialism; it pushes an attitude towards life of a certain degree of apathy, although even when I do care about something, my self-discipline and interest are usually not enough to get me to do it thoroughly.

That makes me question whether my disinterest might actually be related to laziness, or to the fact that it's a difficult skill, as I've never developed serious critical thinking skills. I cruised through school intellectually on natural intelligence, although my grades reflected my boredom and disinterest in the environment, which challenged only my tolerance for seemingly-unnecessary work.

Assuming my lack of interest in deliberative thought isn't a function of either my depression, the medication, laziness, or a lack of practice (and if it is, please say that, too):

a) What could it be due to?
b) What should I do? I've been thinking "Maybe college just isn't right for me, if I really don't like this central activity." But dropping out doesn't seem like a sensible option, either.
c) Is there a field of study which might be better suited for me than others? I'm currently a political science major, and philosophy and legal studies double-minor, at a second-tier liberal arts college. Oddly enough, I like political theory more than the other stuff in the field, and I loved talking with my professor for tens of hours last semester, but I don't like thinking about the arguments.

In sum: I do like thinking, to some extent. I like being smart. I like gathering knowledge, although not by memorization. I like arguing about and discussing ideas. I don't like deliberative thinking. And it seems that's a problem.

Thanks.
Anonymous for any of my professors who are seeing this. Also my mother, who would probably flip if she thought I was going to waste tens of thousands of dollars at this point in my career.

I shortchanged myself in education

Tuwa — Wed, 21 Nov 2007 07:55:20 -0800

How do you get the education you should have gotten in high school and college? I'm just now coming out of a 20-year depression in which I typically ignored most of the world and did the least amount possible to fulfill various obligations, including education. I shortchanged myself in a lot of ways, don't have the education my degrees represent, and want to correct that somehow. I don't know where or how to start.

I have a number of questions related to wanting to get the education I should already have.

Is there a list somewhere of U.S. states' educational requirements for a high school degree? Most stringent? Least stringent? Most common (the things every high school graduate should know, regardless of field)? What is the most efficient and least costly way to go about learning all of that--I imagine the library will play a part here, but which books would give the most bang for the buck, so to speak? Low-cost or free programs to serve as a refresher course? Most of what I learned in high school is long forgotten, sometimes as soon as the test was turned in.

What about college requirements? As a former English major, I'm shamefully ignorant of Shakespeare, but there are also broader areas I missed or skimped on: history, religion, politics, science....

What are the things that every college graduate should know? Is there a list somewhere, maybe resulting from a study, or some general overview from one commission or another addressing minimum expectations and best-case scenarios?

And again, short of returning to college, what would be the most efficient way to gain this knowledge? I've thought of test preps, but those typically cover English, math, and sometimes logic. Those would be a good start, but what other resources are available, and which are the best investment for time spent?

Any suggestions or guidance would be greatly appreciated.

Should I or should I not finish college?

koshka — Wed, 18 Jul 2007 12:32:45 -0800

Should I or should I not finish college? Ever since I was a little kid I’ve lived in a turbulent household with a verbally abusive, yelling father. I also had a bipolar brother who didn’t make things easy. My mom just ignored everything. When I was 19 my mom finally separated from my dad and I lived with her in her new home. She began dating people and going out with friends constantly and soon it didn’t feel like I was living with my mother but with some younger sister who constantly bitched at me. We fought a lot over ridiculous things that she would start (ex- my 15 minute showers are too long), and she wanted me to move back in with my dad. So when I was 20 I moved in with my dad who I have never had a good relationship or any relationship with. In the beginning we were just two people living together and we didn’t have conversations or anything but we were cordial to each other. I still kept trying to spend time with my mom and go over to her house a lot. She never invited me over or out with her and the only time I saw her was when I went over there myself. Her boyfriend’s daughter who is a few years older than me became really close to her and then my mom started referring to her as her “other daughter” around me. She would talk to her on the phone everyday and invite her over. Things she never did with me. I really started just feeling left out and pushed away and some other things happened that made it feel worse so I just stopped contact with my mother.

I’ve gone through depression on and off since I was 15. Just until January I started getting depressed again. In March it became so bad that I stopped going to school and went back on medication. I’ve been on medication for months and it’s not working like it did before. The depression I have now is different than before. This time I can’t stop thinking about just bad memories from my childhood and my past relating to my family. It’s just thousands of thoughts cycling through my head 24/7. I’ll be cleaning the dishes and then start crying uncontrollably thinking about a moment when my dad was screaming at me. I started seeing a psychiatrist and he said that I am having post-traumatic stress from my childhood. He also said I have major depressive disorder.

Later in the week I was having another crying episode alone in my room and I felt so alone because I had no one in my family or any friends to help me (even though my dad was just downstairs). I drove myself to the hospital and checked in for depression. I talked to a social worker and she asked if I wanted her to call my dad. I said that he really wouldn’t care because he just doesn’t care that I’m depressed. She called him and he came and he acted like nothing was wrong and didn’t say anything. I said that I was feeling really depressed and that no one in the family was trying to help or talk to me. He said “we all have a lot on our plate.”

I went home and he didn’t say anything to me and then the next morning he started vacuuming the carpet outside my room. I asked if he could stop doing that because of the noise right now and he just ignored me. Later that day I said that I felt really offended about the way he acted in the hospital and the next day after I told him I am depressed. I also said that the psychiatrist said I’m suffering trauma from my childhood. He interrupted me and starting saying “oh poor you! when I was a kid I was kicked out of the house and on and on.......” Then he went on about how he is financially supporting me in school and everything and I said this has nothing to do with material possessions, and then he said I was egotistical and “poor me.” I was really so stunned after that because I had no idea he had been thinking that way all along.

I told him that I’m going to move out and I don’t need him to support me financially because I will take out student loans and get a job. I just need to get out of this house. I feel like being in this house that I grew up in with bad memories and with the man who gave these memories is not helping me get through this depression, but only worsening it. A few days after I had that talk with my dad, my much older sister emailed me saying that I need to “get over it and take responsibility for my life” and that no parent is perfect and that I still have a good life despite the past. Yes materially I do have a good life, but in my head I cannot stop being so sad and depressed. That is another thing that is hard is everyone around me is saying I have no reason to be depressed and I’m being dramatic. But I feel like this and I can’t stop so it makes me feel like I’m going crazy.

I have never been on my own or supported myself financially. I am already applying for jobs, but I can’t get student loans because I missed the deadline. I only have 2 years of college finished. I could have finished 2 years ago but I have been dragging my feet from the off and on depression. I don’t know whether I should even finish college because first I don’t think I can mentally do it quick enough (the normal 12hr semesters) and secondly I don’t want to take out a ton of student loans and be in debt when I don’t even know if I can finish. I also don’t really need a college degree for the job I want. I just want to teach English as a foreign language abroad. I know it is helpful if you have a degree, but it isn’t required. I don’t think I can stay in this particular city going to school and work 24/7 for 2+ more years like this. Should I just leave and get TESOL certification and start teaching? Am I really going to regret not getting a college degree? Does anyone have any advice on leaving home and being out on their own for the first time?

Help me with my professor problem

Anonymous — Thu, 24 May 2007 21:32:01 -0800

How do I make sure my professor doesn't hate me? I've had a rough time in one of my classes this term. I turned in the first assigned essay nearly two weeks late, after repeatedly breaking deadlines I set for myself in conversations with the professor. I've also failed to turn in two small (one-paragraph) writing assignments. The professor has repeatedly told me that I need to increase my participation during in-class discussions. I've missed class both of the last two Thursdays. Most recently, I missed class on the first class meeting after she chastised me for not picking up a reading distributed during a class meeting I missed, and told me I must be prepared to discuss the reading and answer questions in the next class meeting. The one I missed.

The thing is, I'm not a slacker. When I roll over in bed and see that class has ended and I've slept through it, I'm immediately on the verge of tears. It completely ruins my day. I don't want to miss class, and I definitely didn't want to screw up my grade. Problem is, my clinical depression makes it exceedingly difficult to wake up in the morning. I don't have the energy, and I often sleep straight through the three alarms I've set for myself. I don't participate in class as often as I'd like to because my severe social anxiety is a significant barrier to speaking up, especially in a class this small (less than 10 students). I'm working on all of this with a shrink and pills, but it's not an overnight cure.

I'm concerned that my professor will fail me in the class, and also that she thinks I'm just another slacker, when I'm absolutely not. What is the best way to communicate to her the reasons for my piss-poor performance, without making it seem like I'm trying to take all the blame off myself (I'm not)?

Depression and college

Anonymous — Fri, 16 Mar 2007 17:56:30 -0800

College/DepressionFilter: How do I avoid further destroying my life? I am a sophomore in college. My college works on a quarter system, so my second term ends this month. First term, I received a D in one course and a B in two others, which gave me a 2.3 term GPA. Although I haven't received my final grades yet, I'm estimating that my second term GPA will be roughly 1.5. This means I will be placed on academic probation. I will also lose my scholarship funds from the college; even a straight-A third term wouldn't raise my GPA enough to save the money. I've also almost completely destroyed any chance of transferring to another school.

During my first year of college, my GPA was about 3.4. I was on the Dean's List for my first term. What happened?

Since I started my second year, and especially since I started this most recent term, I've become more and more depressed. I stay up until all hours of the night obsessing over past mistakes, my terrible present situation, the uncertain future, and the inevitability of death. Suicidal ideation is one of my top activities. The depression is not helped by my brutal social anxiety; a combination of the two has left me with next to no friends here, no job (lack of motivation, fear of reaching out to job-dispensing authority figures), and little money -- I blew it all on delivery food to avoid the terror of eating alone in the cafeteria. [Yes, I'm on pills. Yes, I'm seeing a shrink.]

I have no motivation whatsoever to get my work done. I don't even read my textbooks, if I buy them at all. I'll stay up late staring at a blank Word document when it comes time to write a paper, and I'll never even type a single word. I want to do well, but I can't. I know I should read my books, I know I should study, I know exactly what I should do, yet not only do I not do it, it feels like I CAN'T do it. I know that I can; I did very well during my first year, after all. It's even more frustrating because I can't find anyone who understands what this feels like.

College staff have been of little help. One academic dean told me to withdraw from this term. An academic skills counselor suggested I withdraw from next term.

Those actually don't sound like bad ideas to me; I'm not even sure I want to be in college. But I have no idea what else I'd do. Plus, my parents wouldn't allow me to do anything but continue in college (they don't know any of what I just typed above, except for the 2.3 GPA first term). That's why I can't withdraw from a term, take a leave of absence, or drop out. My only option is to transfer and hope for the best; unfortunately, I did that once before, and it didn't work out very well. And I'd need somewhere to transfer to; my recent academic performance makes that quite difficult.

Summary: I'm failing classes, losing scholarship money, depressed, unmotivated, and feel like I have no good options. What the hell do I do?

How do I become less lazy?

Anonymous — Thu, 08 Mar 2007 13:33:58 -0800

How do I become less lazy? I'm 23. I'm lazy. I barely want to get up in the morning; I'd rather stay comfortable in bed. I wait until the last minute to take out the trash or do the dishes. My husband insists that it's not a problem because he likes the activity, but I feel such guilt for not pulling my share lately. Sometimes I'll skip class because I feel too tired or something to walk to school. I can't focus on readings or tasks at hand. I feel completely apathetic about my grades as long as I can maintain a B. I'll nuke a burrito if it means I don't have to spend more than five minutes making lunch and cleaning up. I've gained approximately 20 lbs. in the last year (likely from moving out on my own) and have moved from plus-sized to obese.

I'm going to graduate from college soon and so it might be the fabled "senioritis" extending to my non-academic life. Either way, I'm becoming lazier and lazier and I want to curb this now.

I believe that I have experienced a touch of SAD in the past, but I have never seen a doctor about it. There's six feet of snow on the ground and it's overcast every day here, so I'm sure that's not helping. Can I be depressed while I feel generally very happy about my life (aside from my laziness issue)? Would therapy help me with this? Did I develop some kind of adult ADD in the last year?

How do I best use my time off from school to prepare for my return?

njb — Wed, 06 Dec 2006 17:11:50 -0800

After a long and difficult struggle and much agonizing, I have decided to leave my (small, elite, liberal arts, etc) school and take the rest of the year off, with the intention of returning next fall for a fresh start. What should I do in the interim to make sure I really succeed the second time around? I've been struggling with ADD and some associated learning disabilities which were diagnosed four years ago. In high school, I was able to get by with loads of help and structure from my parents, but I didn't really think about what kind of support, structure or strategies I'd need when I got to college, partly because things were going so well by the end of high school.
I started the year strong and optimistic, but around October, I somehow got off track. I was in touch with the academic resources center from the beginning, but I didn't know what kind of help to ask for, so I didn't get it.
The work began to pile up, I got overwhelmed and stuck, which got me depressed, and I isolated myself spending all my time "doing homework" (actually wasting time,) which got me more depressed. The depression and the ADD fed off each other, and things got worse and worse, until I was miserable and pretty much failing 3/4 of my classes.
So, finally, I, my parents, and the school, have agreed that I should go on "medical leave" for a while, to re-organize and come back with some strategies to deal with the ADD at college.

The thing is, I have no idea how to do that. Besides lots of therapy, How do I spend the time between now and next September so that I'm ready to succeed when I get back? Any good resources for ADD & college students?

Side Question: How do I handle what are sure to be an endless stream of awkward conversations back home about, well, why I'm back home? (I'm a terrible liar)

How to make up for two wasted years of college?

Ash3000 — Sat, 24 Sep 2005 22:24:41 -0800

How do you start your college career over, about halfway through? I'm an very, very shy person...very insular, way too apologetic (I say "I'm sorry..." the way most people breathe), fairly certain I have aspergers and just very clumsy and without grace; my parents basically raised me to hate myself, and they did a good job of it. The first year of college was at a school I hated in Boston with a roommate who basically ruined my freshman year, and then where I am now, at Columbia, with a roommate who took advantage of my inexperience and timidity to basically make me a "sexile" from my own room.

I'm now starting my junior year of college, and have no idea how I should be spending my time, the amount of time I should be studying as compared to "socializing", what socializing even should mean...tonight, I went to a "callback" for a sketch I submited for a comedy troupe on campus, and they told me that I was actually accepted as a writer, and they wanted to make sure "all the members of our new group can party", so I was stuck there with a bunch of people drinking (I'm 21 and had my first drink about a year ago, dont' do it often), standing often in the corner, not knowing how to talk to people. I went home incredibly depressed.

I want to make up for two wasted years of college, but...how does one start over? If you had two years of college in which to do whatever you wish you'd done, how'd you have spent them? I'm very lonely (never been kissed), but have no idea how to start...where do you begin? I'm sorry if this question feels vague, my life just feels vague these days...maybe it's quarter-life crisis. Help?