Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with co-workers

Including yourself in exclusionary settings

TheSecretDecoderRing — Fri, 23 Nov 2007 11:46:22 -0800

How do you include yourself in exclusionary conversations? Recently I had dinner with my roommate and three of her co-workers, whom I've met before at their job, but don't know personally. None of the others had brought guests, so I felt very much like the outsider all night. Most of their discussion was work-related, and while they didn't talk down to me when I was asked anything, and I was able to get a few comments in, it was rather awkward the rest of the time. I don't think they saw my quiet presence as awkward, mainly because it often felt like I wasn't even there. I'd expected stuff along the lines of "So how do you like it in town," or "What's your job like?" but didn't really get it.

I sort of have the same problem on my first days at a new job, where the others will chat among themselves, talking about personal matters and such, which again make me feel left out. And then they'll wonder why I'm so quiet. Not to say that anyone was rude in these two scenarios, but I'm just not the type to throw in my 2 cents with a group of unfamiliar people. More like the typical "Once you get to know me, I can be pretty fun to talk to" introvert. But I need some rope to get there. Even with friends, I get along much more easily when there's only two or three others, rather than five or six.

The more obvious question is how to throw yourself into the chatter more when it doesn't really involve you, without feeling like you're butting in. The other is how common it is for "established" groups to not make an effort to let someone less familiar feel more welcome. I felt like if my roommate had been with me and my co-workers, I'd have been pretty darn guilty if we only talked about my job the whole time.

How to get along with my new co-workers

karmagirl — Thu, 20 Sep 2007 07:03:17 -0800

How do I make sure I get off on the right foot with my new co-workers? I'm starting a new job in a couple of weeks, and want to do everything I can to make sure I get along well with my new co-workers. There are a few obstacles I'm concerned about:

1) One of the managers is a long-time collegue and mentor of mine (I'm one of his 'best students'). He's the one that brought me in for the job because he knows I have the enthusiasm and willingness to take initiative that he needs in that position. However, by doing just that I'm worried about being perceived as a "brown-noser". In short, I'm concerned about issues of favoritism.

2) I will be paid more than everyone in the entire department except one of the managers. This includes the person I will be reporting to. Although I sincerely hope that most people will not know this, I'm a little worried about bad feelings from my supervisor (whom, I believe, is aware of my salary).

3) I tried really hard to get this job, and worked on "selling myself" per various advice I found online as well as encouragement from my mentor. I did get the job, obviously, but the HR rep and the VP mentioned to my mentor that they felt I was "pretty arrogant" in their final meeting about me. I do have confidence in my skills and abilities, but the last thing I want is to be perceived as arrogant by management - especially when they granted me a larger-than-normal salary for my position.

Help me do the best I can to make friends and not enemies at my great new job!

Therapy Alibi

Anonymous — Tue, 18 Sep 2007 16:41:37 -0800

recently started going to therapy. how do i explain (or not explain) to co-workers why i am missing an hour of work every week? just started going to therapy for a pretty personal issue. i am going for an hour a week. the only time slot my therapist is available is a time that i am normally at work. i am lucky enough that missing an hour here and there is not a big deal at my place of employment -- as long as your work gets done no one cares too much. but we do have a lot of meetings, so it's we try to let everyone know when we'll be out.

my co-workers are all very nice, but i have absolutely no desire to let them know that i'm going to therapy or why. how can i be informative (e.g. i will be out every wednesday from 5-6 for the next four weeks) without giving up the whole truth? i'm not opposed to the white lie ("i'm seeing a physical therapist about carpal tunnel" or something), but worry that then someone will say, "hey, i need one of those, who do you go to?" which will land me in awkwardsville.