Mom, Dad? I don't even have a closet.

landedjentry — Sat, 05 Apr 2008 16:50:38 -0800

How to deal when family thinks you're in the closet? I'm a female in my early-mid 20s. I currently identify as straight, but not too straight (i.e., if I met the right woman, etc.). All of my past relationships have been with men. My sexual orientation isn't really the issue here.

My family, on the other hand, has lately been dropping hints that they think I've got something to hide. My stepmom in particular has been making offhand comments like, "oh, there are men out there...or not men, you know?" While mentioning to my dad I was going to go out to a bar with a friend, he asked me which gender it was (this never came up when I wasn't single). My dad's favorite sister has long identified as a lesbian so it's not an issue of tolerance, as far as I can tell. There are the ever-present family hangups at work here, I think, but for brevity's sake I'll leave them out.

Now, I'm not the girliest of all (traditionally defined) girls, by any means. I don't dress in a particularly feminine way, I tend to keep my emotions hidden, and I thought "Dirty Dancing" was a stupid movie. This is something I'm almost okay with (lousy cultural norms), but the sudden onslaught of if-you're-gay-you-can-tell-us comments has become exasperating and frankly, a little damaging to the ol' self-confidence.

Have you had this experience from friends or family? How did you respond? Most past questions I've seen have to do with discovering sexuality rather than loved ones' suspicions of your sexuality; again, I'm not too concerned with my identification.

Any and all anecdotes, stories from friends-of-friends, etc., appreciated.

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Mom, Dad? I don't even have a closet.