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Housemate doesn't clean up after himself. Help.

dunkadunc — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 22:58:24 -0800

My housemate doesn't clean up, like ever. How can I do to make things work, or at least more bearable? I've been sharing an apartment since the beginning of September with an old acquaintance, and everything's been going well enough. EXCEPT:
My housemate doesn't help out with the cleaning. Every day I come home to even more mess, and it's starting to really bug me.

Some background here: My housemate and I are both 23, male, and college seniors. We went to high school together but lost touch after graduation. I was looking for a housemate for an apartment I found this August, and a mutual friend said Housemate (whose mom died last year) was looking for a place as well. We signed a lease, moved in and started school, so far so good.
The first hint I got that Housemate wasn't very good at cleaning was about a week in when he asked me what "rinsing" dishes meant. Since then, he's remained pleasant, but the amount of housework he's done has gone from little to almost none.

The main problems:
-His dishes stay dirty in the sink either until I wash them or there are no more clean ones, whereupon he washes a dirty one, uses it, and puts it back in the sink. The same thing goes for pots and pans. I can count the number of times he's washed all the dishes in the sink on one hand, and even then they've come out covered in brown curry grease and needed to be washed again.

-When asked to wash his dirty pots and pans that were filling up the sink, Housemate was surprised that I would want them to be cleaned even if I wasn't immediately going to use them. Housemate said that he would wash them before he needed them again "only as a favor". He cooks about four gallons of curry every two weeks.

-Although he was willing to split the cost of a $50 vacuum cleaner, the only time he's picked up a broom was when he broke a glass. He's been leaving brown greasy globs of curry on all the kitchen surfaces and covers the floor in oil when he cooks. All these problems with cleaning up have carried over to the bathroom as well.

Apart from all this, he's been a decent housemate, asking if I want to watch cartoons or split a pizza or whatnot, or coming out to parties with me.
I've talked to him about washing dishes and cleaning up around the apartment, and he's always said "sure"- the problem is it doesn't end up happening. He tends to drink beers and watch cartoons when he's done with schoolwork and doesn't have anything to do, so it seems like a combination of procrastination and just not knowing how to run a household: his mom used to do all the housekeeping.

What can I do to encourage him to do his share of housework, or failing that, what can I do to minimize the amount of mess I have to deal with? Ideally, we would clean up after ourselves, and if someone else missed something then the other would clean it, no problem.
I don't want to be that passive-aggressive guy, but something's got to change, since I'd like to be able to have guests over without feeling embarrassed. I'd be tempted to only clean up after myself, but I'm afraid the apartment would be taken over by maggots.

Too much dust in apartment

Aanidaani — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 10:13:24 -0800

Dust, dust, everywhere! I recently moved to a new apartment on the 12th floor of a high rise building in Philadelphia and find that dust accumulates all over everything like crazy. Is there something I can do to slow it down? I generally keep my windows open all day, which I'm sure contributes to my problem. I've looked at a few room air filters, but I don't know about their efficacy--has anyone else had experience with this?

DIY when apt's super & landlord don't?

timnyc — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 13:53:59 -0800

My main gripe are the dirty hallways. I rent a 1BR in a 32-unit apartment building in Brooklyn. The rent is well below market and the location is good, but the building isn't properly looked after. The super and landlord and by-and-large my neighbors just don't care. What's the best approach? I have a great deal -- my rent is less than half the market rate and I like the neighborhood. I'm not moving anytime soon. I'm sure many of my neighbors feel that you get what you pay for and don't rock the boat. But I want to make the best of things.

Three issues...
1. Our hallways are almost never swept and mopped (maybe 2x/year for mopping). They are disgustingly dirty. I've called our landlord, who's actually a friendly guy, but he does nothing. I've spoken to the super, who says he'll get around to it. Last time I watched as he mopped only one of six floors. He says he has a bad back, but he should hire someone. I've told him this. I've told the landlord this. Nothing. More generally, the building's just falling apart. The buzzer system doesn't work, a paint job's needed, there are periodic roof leaks that are badly patched, etc. Should I hire someone for cleaning and/or other fix-it jobs? Can I deduct the cost from my rent? I'm inclined to think my laisser-faire landlord wouldn't care.

2. People smoke in the hallways and drop their buts on the ground. When I see someone doing it, I'll sometimes nicely ask them to stop, but it doesn't do any good. One complication: the building is one-third white middle class and two-thirds Puerto Rican lower middle class/poor. And the smokers are Puerto Rican. The consensus culture of the building permits smoking (and littering of buts, candy wrappers, beer bottles, etc.). But it's illegal and gross, right? I've asked my landlord to put up signs, but nothing. I'm told that the thing to do is organize a tenants association, but I'm not sure I'm up to that kind of major effort. And I don't get the feeling that the neighbors would be into it. Is there any other way? Should I put up my own signs? Call the City? I'm hopeful a regular cleaning would help.

3. Sort of a separate issue, but I'm without a lease (as are at least some of my neighbors). I've been asking in letters, phone and in person for about 2 years and nothing. On the upside, no rent increase. But I'm worried about how I'm protected against being evicted without compensation in case the landlord decides to sell the building. Am I right to be worried? What should I do?

How can I help my boyfriend face his serious, long-term roach problem?

Anonymous — Mon, 10 Sep 2007 08:05:21 -0800

How can I help my boyfriend face his serious, long-term roach problem? I'm not asking how to kill roaches (which has been well covered here and elsewhere); I'm asking how to help someone get past his denial and shame about a roach problem so he can do something about it.

This is a totally odd situation because this person is otherwise extremely capable, responsible and mature. He holds down a demanding tech job, accomplishes cool things outside his job, and is a stellar partner for me in human terms (not to mention in bed). But he seems to have some hangups that have made for a crazy long-term roach problem.

For example, while he certainly makes enough money to hire a professional cleaning person to give his kitchen and bathroom the deep cleaning they desperately need, he says he is really uncomfortable hiring someone to do what he should be doing. But he won't do it himself. He'll spend a weekend "cleaning" his place, but that doesn't mean scrubbing the kitchen countertops or sealing up the food sources -- it means arranging his large collections of tech stuff in different ways, or carefully designing and building new shelves to display said stuff, or something else unrelated to the roach problem.

As another example, when I'm there and we see the bugs around us (they have at least some presence in every room), he acknowledges them and seems really upset about them, but doesn't want to talk about practical solutions, or says something counterintuitive like "I don't know where they're coming from!" (this while we're sitting 15 feet from a kitchen where every surface of every countertop and appliance is decorated in layers of roach shit). If I say, "They're here because they can find food here," he's back into his loop of shame around cleaning and not wanting someone else to have to do it for him. And if I take any stab at, say, starting to clean out the fridge or washing the dishes myself, he asks me not to because it's seriously nasty in there (which is true) and he wants to do it himself.

The roach problem has been getting slowly, steadily worse for a long time. I feel like every attempt to discuss it rationally touches some strong sensitivity in him that so far I can't get past or understand.

I have my own (bug-free) apartment for him to come visit, which definitely isn't ideal because his place is MUCH quieter, is in a nicer area, has internet, and is an easier commute to his job. But sticking to only my place might be the only solution left for the moment, because I'm just not sleeping in his apartment any more until it gets much better. (I already sleep in his second bedroom when I'm at his place, because it has the fewest roaches of any of his rooms. Actually I was moved to ask this question because at his point, even this second bedroom has enough roaches that I can't sleep there without them occasionally crawling on me.)

I'm not sure where to go with this. I obviously need to communicate more clearly than I have. I have been consistently clear about my opinion that the roaches are in his apartment because they can find food there, and he's been consistently contrite, saying he "needs to clean," but it never happens. When he says he doesn't have time to clean, I bring up the idea of a pro cleaning person and he always says that's not something he can make someone else do. And he doesn't want me doing it (and neither do I, for a number of reasons -- not least because I don't want to be the dutiful girlfriend swooping in to clean up and make everything okay when it's this far past logic). What do you think?

...to a deluxe apartment in the skyeyeye.

rubberkey — Mon, 16 Apr 2007 07:23:01 -0800

I'm 18 and I had to move out of my parents house. I'm in an apartment in Jersey City. I don't have cockroaches, there aren't any leaks, its a really great apartment and these are all small things that I've been dealing with the last few months. It's the basement apartment in a brownstone-type area of Jersey City. I have my own bedroom and bathroom but a communal kitchen with the people one floor above me. They're very nice upstairs.

1. (This is the most important question because its the only one that has made me reconsider living here.) It freezes while I'm out in the winter. I have a small semi-portable heater that keeps my bedroom warm after I've been home for a while but I don't think you can leave those on while you're not home. There's nothing worse than getting home at 2 am and crawling under frozen sheets. What can I do about that, the kitchen and bathroom being so cold?

2. What do I do with the fallen leaves in the front yard area? I never thought about that growing up because we raked them into piles and then they were gone. No-one else in the apartment uses the front area except me.

3. The grout between the tiles in the bathroom are black black black and its nasty to look at. Can I bleach them or something? Also, I have to hold down the handle for the toilet the entire time its flushing or it will stop, how do I fix that?

4. The front entry way smells awful. Right under the stairs where my front door is smells like sewage, I assumed rainwater sitting somewhere. I just can't see it anywhere. It's only sometimes, sometimes it smells fine. But when it does smell bad, its unbearable. Is this somewhat common? Since I don't know what the culprit is, I hope that someone else has experienced this and has some advice. (I'm the only one that uses the door under the stairs.)

5. What do I do with the crumbling brick walls? They are coming apart as a fine powder on the carpet. (This is not as urgent, I moved the bed to the other side of the room and nothing is touching the brick wall anymore.)

6. There is a gap between the top of the windows and the ceiling. There are plastic bags stuffed in there and I haven't taken them out to inspect it but I'm pretty sure that all the heat is escaping from the windows. It wasn't a huge problem, we just had that huge rainstorm yesterday and my windows and door stayed dry so I assume its sealed but its also plastic bags stuffed in the cracks. What can I do about this? Should I use that stuff that foams up and hardens in place? Am I allowed to fix that myself or do I have to ask the apartment manager or something?

7. I have bars on the windows since its the bottom floor, so what can I do for an air conditioner? I used a fan all last summer.

Finally, is there some helpful website or book that will help me with all this?

How do I convince my roommate that we need a maid?

santry — Sat, 05 Aug 2006 09:29:36 -0800

Jimmy (my friend/roommate/landlord) and I both like to have a sparkling clean apartment. He thinks it's lazy and morally objectionable to hire a maid. I think my free time is valuable so I don't want to spend it cleaning bathrooms. Since cost isn't a concern, how do I convince my roommate that we should just leave the cleaning to the professionals and hire a maid? I live in an apartment with 2 other guys and we're all in our very late 20s. One roommate (let's call him Jimmy) is my best friend from college. He also owns the (whole) house. We'll call the other roommate Bradington.

None of us are very good about cleaning. The place isn't a sty, but real cleaning (vacuuming, dusting, washing the hardwood floors, etc.) happens only every couple of months. The kitchen stays pretty clean since we use it all the time. I'll admit that I'm the worst about cleaning. I don't enjoy it, so I 'm the last one to do it.

I've found a maid who will come for 3 hours every two weeks and, for $75 per visit, will make the place cleaner than it ever has been. She came once as a sort of trial visit and we all agreed the results were fantastic. Much better than we could ever do.

Jimmy (the friend/roommate/landlord) has a moral objection to hiring a cleaning service. He thinks it means we're lazy good for nothings and that we should just do the cleaning ourselves. The money isn't the issue. He also says that he enjoys cleaning, and that, for him, it's a good stress reliever.

My philosophy is that my time away from work is valuable and so spending hours out of every month vacuuming and cleaning bathrooms has a huge opportunity cost (i.e., I could be doing things that I enjoy, working on new projects, etc.). Couple that with the fact that professionals do a *much* better job and I think the maid service is a pretty compelling option.

Bradington, our other roommate, is on "my" side and thinks we should hire the maid.

So how do I convince Jimmy? Is there no convincing him? Since he enjoys it so much, should we work out some deal where he does some portion of the cleaning himself, and the maids do the rest?

This sucks

bilabial — Wed, 26 Jul 2006 08:40:56 -0800

Why won't my Shark HEPA vacuum roller spin on it's own any more? The last time this happened we fixed it by getting rid of all the people hair that had twisted around the roller, which was at the time keeping it from spinning. Now, it only spins for a few seconds after I flick it into action. Currently, there is no obstruction, on the roller or the little spinner thing that seems to move the roller. The hose seems to suck just fine now that we've cleared the giant hairball/ plastic bag combo that one of my old roommates left for me to find.

The machine makes no ungodly noises, and I've checked out some other AskMe threads, notably this one. I have also not done any upkeep for this machine besides banging out the filter with each use (which I know is counterintuitive with my allergies). It's clearly time to order another Shark brand filter from the internet, but I have to wait for a paycheck on that one.

Because we've lived in this apartment with cats for almost 2 months without using the vacuum, I'd like to take care of this.

Limited liability?

-harlequin- — Thu, 26 Jan 2006 20:53:04 -0800

ApartmentFilter: Is it financially safe to not clean up impeccably when moving out of an apartment, or will a landlord normally go after you for money over and above the security deposit, if they think enough work was involved? WA. USA.
The rather exuberant hourly rates listed in the move-out contract for any cleanup you allegedly didn't do "properly" when moving out seem like they could easily exceed the bond even for a pretty thoroughly cleaned place.
Is this likely to result in me being hounded for money in addition to the security deposit? It gets potentially a little worse:

There is a mildew problem in one room that for all I know about mildew (nothing) might need some solid work, so I don't know if it could blow things way over the security deposit.

What normally happens? Do landlords cut their losses at the limit of the deposit, or try to bill you? And if they try to bill you, how much "over" is enough to make it worth the effort?

Should I try to negotiate the cleanup rates in my next contract renewal?

(The landlord runs several apartments, but probably less than a dozen. I am quite happy to lose the security deposit in exchange for less clean-up work when moving out, but I don't want to screw my landlord, and I don't want him to screw me. Or more to the point, I'm ok with being screwed up to the level of the deposit already paid, just not more than that :-). My contract isn't specific about this, it mainly just lists hourly rates and fees (eg $X if the blinds are dusty)).

How much over and above the security deposit (in the landlord's view) is enough to taint referrals? (I imagine it depends on the landlord and how much over, but experiences are welcome)

How do I clean untreated hardwood floors?

kensanway — Mon, 16 Jan 2006 12:00:48 -0800

How do I clean my untreated hardwood floor? It doesn't have the shiny gloss of most hardwood floors (the color is sort of like the light tan of the unpolished, sharpened part of a pencil) and looks easily damaged. (If it makes a difference, this is in a newly converted loft.) I'm afraid it's particularly sensitive to water. I've bought a general all-purpose cleaner, Murphy's Wood Oil, a bucket, and a mop, but I'm a little wary about using them on this wood. In a few places, the wood has that sag and bend similar to wood flooring that's been damaged by water. What should I do? I've asked my landlord and she didn't have any recommendations.