Think of her as a more judgemental Aunt Bea.

fujiko — Sun, 30 Dec 2007 02:57:38 -0800

Where could I find a beautiful beach on the Eastern seaboard with bland-as-hell life? So, my mom is a super patient lady that can deal with anyone. She wants to take her mom to the beach because the woman has never been there. But, now that I've thought about it, I'm not sure the beach is such a great idea.

Grandma is an old school religious lady, and she's the quietly judging kind. I am talking strict, down-the-line living. She does not relax in any conventional manner that does not include gardening, quilting or AM gospel radio stations. You get the picture. However, when I think of the beach I think of the following awesome things:

● random nudity
● partially nude men
● skimpy swimsuits
● alcohol
● expensive dining

At grandma's beach, ideally none of these things will be there.

I thought about taking her somewhere that was just geared to a much older clientele. But, having just went on a multi-beach vacation last summer, I know that even in older, less touristy areas there seems to be a flow of red wine at every turn and café. This will seriously upset her. Her church abstains from even taking the blood of Christ - juice or wine - during the Easter holiday.

So, this is what I need to know: Is there anywhere on the Eastern seaboard between, say, the states of Maryland and the Carolinas that has a beautiful beach with no gay community, no party community and no young people? I thought about Assateague Island, but I'm not letting this marr my visit to the native ponies.

I know that this is completely stupid, but I am not going to sit through a fog of disapproval for a week straight. I can get back to my recreational nudity on my own time.

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Think of her as a more judgemental Aunt Bea.