Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with church

Help a secular Muslim celebrate Christmas in Boston

raztaj — Sun, 20 Dec 2009 13:12:02 -0800

Christmas in Boston - where to go to Mass, where to volunteer? I'm not Christian (and don't really celebrate Christmas in the secular sense), but I've always wanted to attend Christmas Mass - with curiosity of what it's like, but of course with respect. Where in (T-accessible) Boston can one sit in on Mass Christmas Eve? Do any local churches hold particularly beautiful or interesting services?

Also, do you know of any places that are seeking volunteers or an extra pair of hands on Christmas Eve and/or Christmas Day? While everything else is closed and shut down, what can I do with my time besides just hanging out at home?

I’d like advice on how to either leave my church as gracefully as possible, or find a way to reconcile my lack of faith with my continued church membership.

cheapskatebay — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 10:50:41 -0800

I’d like advice on how to either leave my church as gracefully as possible, or find a way to reconcile my lack of faith with my continued church membership. Inspired by the thoughtful replies to two recent AskMe questions (here and here), I also have a question about atheism, but I come at it from a different angle: how can I deal with my lack of faith when I’ve been a committed church member? The real kicker is that I’ve never believed in the first place.

Although I’m not posting this anonymously, I seldom have the opportunity to post to Ask Metafilter, and I’m a slow typist, too. I’ll therefore try to provide a lot of detail, with a truncated version of the situation at the end for those who’d prefer not to wade through an extremely long question.

The long story: I’m a member of a Presbyterian Church (USA) congregation, and I have been for 10 years. I also regularly attended a Presbyterian church as a child. Over the years gradually I’ve assumed a leadership role in my church and I now serve as an Elder (part of the elected board that leads the church) and also as the church’s treasurer.

My problem is straightforward: I am an atheist. Call me agnostic if you like – I’m certainly willing to accept that the existence or non-existence of God is a question I can’t satisfactorily answer. More accurately, I’m what I’ve seen referred to as an “apatheist” or “practical atheist” – someone for whom religion simply isn’t important.

I’m just not a spiritual person – I don’t wonder about an afterlife I don’t believe exists, I don’t dwell on the (non-?)existence of a higher power, I don’t worry about which religion is “right” and which is “wrong,” and I never have worried about these “big picture” issues, even as a child. I don’t have any reason to believe there is a God, and I therefore don’t have that belief – and never have. I certainly don’t think that religious belief is a necessary component of living a virtuous or moral life.

You might reasonably ask why someone like me attends church in the first place. I like going to my church for several reasons. We’re one of the more liberal denominations in terms of our philosophies and outlook, which manifests itself (in our church, at least) as being very gay-friendly, environmentally aware, and committed to issues of social justice. Our mission dollars support programs that empower poor women and children in our community and around the world. We have lots of older members who have tremendously interesting life experiences and perspectives to share. I have the tradition of having attended worship services in this faith for most of my life, which is a source of comfort. My wife also grew up Presbyterian, and we were married by a Presbyterian minister. She is a believing Christian and we’re bringing up our two young children in the church, as well.

It’s been very easy to fall into the routines of membership, and as I’ve done so, I’ve found myself increasingly taking on a leadership role within the church. It’s a small church, and anyone with the slightest interest tends to get recruited to help in some way, shape or form. I’m grateful for the good people who’ve served as mentors to me, and who’ve afforded me opportunities to share my talents.

So, why would I leave, particularly now? An essential part of being a member of our congregation, I would argue, is either being a believer in God or, at least, making a good-faith effort to believe. I’ve never been a believer, nor a person interested in making that kind of good-faith effort, and as far as I can tell, that distinguishes me from everyone else. I’ve even lied about my belief when I’ve professed my faith publicly. What I’ve done is dishonest and unethical, and I’m tired of pretending to be a believer when I’m not one. I am increasingly close to concluding that my only responsible course of action is to leave the church. Whether that is an abrupt or gradual process, I’m not sure, but it doesn’t feel right to feign belief that I don’t have.

My ability to deal with this cognitive dissonance waxes and wanes over time, but the long-term trend has definitely tipped toward my feeling increasingly awkward as a church member. In the past year, in particular, I’ve become very uncomfortable. As my responsibilities increase, I feel like I’m living more and more of a lie.

One might wonder if I’m simply overwhelmed by the duties I’ve assumed. While I am very busy with work and other family and charitable obligations in addition to my work for the church, I truly don’t think this is a case of being overworked in my church volunteer duties. When I’ve been overwhelmed with church-related commitments in the past, I’ve found ways to cut back, and everyone at the church has been very supportive of my doing so. In fact, I recently became the church’s treasurer and I really enjoy the job – dealing with investments and budgeting is a nice fit with my interests and skills.

In all candor, I also think that part of what may be increasing my dissatisfaction at this time is the continued decline of our membership, and what that portends for the future. We lose perhaps 5% of our membership on a year-over-year basis and we add far too few new members to reverse that trend. I feel like we’re in the midst of a protracted death as a congregation and as a denomination – both literally and figuratively –and, while I’m ashamed of feeling that way, it surely has an effect.

When I see the numbers showing the declining membership figures for our denomination and our church – it’s not all due to death – I know that I simply cannot be the only person who feels this way. Still, I don’t know of anyone who’s left our church recently – at least, no one in a leadership role. Our church embraces modernity and education, it’s about as liberal in its theology as they come, and it’s a nice place to congregate. It would be harder to leave, I’d think, than it would be to leave a fundamentalist church! Still, it isn’t a social club, and I’m not comfortable treating it as such. Maybe there are atheists or agnostics aplenty in the pews, but I’m certainly not aware of them.

Additional factors/complications/background:

1. I don’t know how this would play out with my wife and children. It’s not uncommon for our church members to attend services with their children but without their spouses; in those instances, though, the non-member spouse (who is usually the husband/father) has never attended. I can’t think of a single instance where someone in a couple has simply stopped attending worship services, let alone someone in a leadership role. My wife knows of my lack of faith and is understanding and supportive, but she’d prefer that I continue to attend worship services, special events and committee meetings. I think I benefited from attending Presbyterian services as a child, and I have no problem at all with my children continuing to do so. I worry, though, that this would be a source of considerable tension within our family.
2. There are a lot of people at my church who’ve reached out to me and made me feel welcome and special. I admire, respect and love them deeply. Leaving them and potentially losing their friendship would be wrenching.
3. Our church, and our denomination, almost seem to expect a certain level of faithlessness. Maybe it’s assumed to be transitory, not permanent, but questioning one’s faith is encouraged in our tradition. I feel like making a clean break would be a challenge with this mindset being prevalent.
4. I’ve made leadership commitments that I think I should honor, notwithstanding my personal lack of belief.
5. Our pastor is young and relatively new to our church. I’m very fond of him and I think it would be very difficult for him to accept my leaving, and I’ve specifically avoided speaking with him as a result.
6. I should note that I’m not interested in joining, say, a Unitarian church, at least at this point. I don’t want to join a new congregation, even if that congregation would welcome an atheist like me – I’m more concerned about extricating myself from, or learning to live among, my current congregation.
7. Maybe I’m placing too much emphasis on my lack of faith… I just feel like someone who believes in God at some point, then loses that faith, is in a different situation than me, who’s never believed and who’s lied about that for years. If you think I’m making too much of this distinction, let me know.

What I really want, to be honest, is to remain a church member. I like many things about being a member of my church. I don’t mind going to the services with my wife and kids on Sundays. I like the fact that we’re liberal. I even kind of like the occasionally grueling committee work. I just don’t see how I can continue to be a member if I’m neither a believer in the existence of God nor interested in changing that stance. I understand that my position on staying or leaving might seem very stark and draconian, but I’ve been in the gray area long enough to be disillusioned with remaining there. Nevertheless, I’d be very interested in hearing any stories of anyone who’s been able to overcome such feelings.

If you’ve been in a similar situation and have separated from membership, how did you do so? Was it sudden or abrupt? Did you fulfill terms on committees and boards, or leave them when you left the church?

The short story: I’m neither ashamed nor proud of my atheism; frankly, I’m apathetic about matters of faith, spirituality and belief. I grew up Presbyterian and I find myself taking on a larger leadership role within my church. If there is a way to reconcile my lack of belief with continued church membership, I’m all for that, but I don’t see how that can be done. If I decide to leave, how can I do so gracefully and with dignity? Are there any books, resources, or personal stories that you can share that address this situation?

Thank you for reading this and for your thoughts.

Seeking new Church

dmbfan93 — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 12:52:04 -0800

Need Church Recommendation in NOVA/DC area with active 20/30/40 single congregation Looking for a church in the NOVA/DC area, and specifically am looking for a Christian faith based church that is less focused/caters to families or equally caters to the single population and folks with lifestyles alternative to the family unit. Tired of feeling like an alien because I don't have a spouse and four children trailing me as I walk down the church aisle to my pew. If you know of any vibrant church congregations that have an active 20/30/40 something crowd composed of more than the usual married families but include an active single people population, please share the names of those churches and location. Thanks.

I need to find the contents of a Catholic Missal!

Brainy — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 02:33:32 -0800

For a school project I chose to redesign a Catholic Missalettes. Only problem, can't find any to redesign! When I was younger, and went to a Catholic Church in central NJ, we used missalettes, little booklets that had the readings and such for the mass. They were definitely mass produced and almost definitely subscribed to.
They had a solid colored cover, with usually a stained-glass image inset within the color. The applicable dates were written below that.

I'm interested in re-doing one of those for a layout project for school, but I can't seem to find any examples of the content online. By content, I mean all the directions, section numbers, etc. I recall the ones of my youth to be rather specific.

I realize this is a long shot, but does anybody have any sources for the content of a missal? I'm running late on this project so I'm kind of willing to take any subset of Christianity.

Help me back in the church...

Anonymous — Sun, 18 Oct 2009 09:26:57 -0800

Help me reconcile my liberal beliefs with a church family again... Background details - I'm in my late 20's. In high school, I was a very active member of a church, until my liberal beliefs came into conflict with the conservative evangelical approach that the church I was with had. While I was with the church, I had ... effectively a large family of the other people in my youth group -- they were good people, but I was unable to compromise my true feelings and beliefs (more details about those later), and unwilling to lie about them.

I would like to reconnect with a church (I do believe in God, although my perspectives on Him and the way of relating with Him differ from the fundamental Christian beliefs)... My relationship with God has not suffered, but I do miss the connection with the people there.

I hold pretty strongly with a few liberal beliefs that are at odds with the fundamentalist church:
1) I support the LGBT community strongly, although I am hetero myself (Straight but not narrow, one of my LGBT friends likes to call me). I have zero tolerance for persecution or other poor behavior towards that community.
2) I don't buy into the whole celibacy before marriage thing. Lots of reasons that would make an Ask in themselves; I don't know that going into them will help here.
3) Evangelists ANNOY ME. A ton. I just don't see pushing your beliefs onto another person...

So, oh, brilliant hivemind, is there any way to reconcile such liberal beliefs and thoughts with the family of a church? Are there churches that aren't ultraconservative? I'm considering going to a service tomorrow morning that ... looks fairly modern and open, but am TERRIFIED that I'm going to run into the conservative bigotry of the church I left.

(Since it seems like a contradiction -- The people individually were AMAZING people... it was the church groupthink that I couldn't stand).

I've opened a throwaway for this one - you can mail me at meta.church.avoidance@gmail.com if you don't want to post here.

Help me find a vibrant Protestant church in the Cleveland area. I'm between denominations.

debbie_ann — Sun, 11 Oct 2009 15:54:45 -0800

Help me find a vibrant Protestant church in the Cleveland area. I'm between denominations. I love the idea of going to church, but I've yet to find one where I feel comfortable coming week after week. Maybe you know the denomination I'm looking for.

I presently go to children's weekday Mass at a wonderful little Catholic church. I love it for the following reasons
+ The sermons are wonderful. We always learn about a Saint or a story about Jesus, and then the Priest helps us understand how to apply the lessons to daily life.
+ We all sing together. 100 school children, their teachers and many grandparents sing a simple song every week. Last year it was "we are made for service".
+ There is a fantastic sense of community. I know everyone. Everyone knows me. When we pass the peace, we mean it.
+ We all pray together.
+ I leave feeling refreshed and inspired to be a good person, with very clear directions about where a good person should head this week

However, I am not Catholic for all of the reasons that Protestants usually state. I'd like to find a church where I can take communion. I've tried the following... and had the following problems.
- Going to my parents Presbyterian church. It's mainly blue-hairs. I feel lonely during coffee hour. Everyone who talks to me pretty much just asks how old I am now, and tells me how much I've grown.
- Going to a Unitarian service. It seems to be more of a theological class than a worship service. We didn't pray.
- Going to a born again nondenominational church. We sang and prayed for a half hour, which was AWESOME..... but then the sermon would invariably be a half-hour pro-life rampage and during coffee hour teenagers would pass around petitions to overturn Roe vs. Wade.
- Going to a Non-denominational Contemporary church. Very vibrant, but the service lasted for hours. I had to leave because I was faint with hunger....and my ears rang all day from the excessive volume.
- Not going to Church for years. It leaves me with an emptiness... a yearning.
- Going to a Lutheran church. I felt bored and couldn't sit still.
- Going to a different Presbyterian Church. Great sermon.... but we're given about 5 seconds to 'privately confess our sins' before being forgiven. I find myself both too hurried to reflect, and bored after the sermon. Also, just a handful of adults under 40.

The issue is rather pressing because I'd like my son to have Sunday school experiences. I'd like to find a church (in or near Cleveland) with the following qualities, where I can settle down . . .
+ Young people. I'm in my late 20's and would like to be part of a community that includes a substantial number of adults under 50. Other families with kids would be great. People in their 20's and 30's would be awesome!
+ Protestant denomination
+ a sense of community
+ reasonable amounts of singing
+ prayer
+ sermons that teach about Jesus, God, the Bible and how to be a good person
+ vibrant worship (as opposed to the soul-stifling sound of an entire congregation boredly reciting 'Alleluia' and 'it is right to give thanks and praise in unison)

Did Mark Twain ever comment on the Seventh-Day Adventist Church?

Anephim — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 20:03:34 -0800

Did Mark Twain ever comment on the Seventh-Day Adventist Church? My father-in-law heard that Mark Twain once remarked that the Seventh-Day Adventist Church would have X number of members by year Z. Please, does anyone know if Mark Twain said such a thing (perhaps even about a different church)? If so, what were the membership and year mentioned?

From another angle: Mark Twain is often attributed to things he did not say. So, did some other famous writer say something along these lines?

I have Googled and searched the letters in the Mark Twain Project. I have not looked in any Twain quotation collections, indexes, or concordances.

Many thanks!

What's my (potential) job title?

Anonymous — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 12:09:46 -0800

Another "what's my job title/description" question. Difficulty level: yet to be created, largely secular position within a religious community. A local religious congregation with far more financial resources than actual congregants is looking to create a position to address its shrinking, aging membership. I imagine this would involve some marketing, some outreach, some "relational organizing"* (though not all members may be comfortable with the seemingly politically tinted term "organizer," at least without some sort of modifier).

Are there precedents for this kind of position in other congregations? What kinds of job descriptions are out there? What kind of job titles would be appropriate?

More personally, as a possible candidate for this position (who doesn't foresee a long-term career in religious/faith-based management, but would like to transition into non-profit management or academia after my education is complete), what kind of title do I want to make this position seem relevant to the unchurched?

If you yourself do this kind of work (either as a minister, lay leader, or staff), I'd welcome any ideas or resources as well on where one might start.

*http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Relational_meeting

Transitus in San Francisco?

jgirl — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 07:13:19 -0800

Where could I attend a Transitus service in San Francisco? Where could I attend a Transitus service in San Francisco? The St. Francis shrine is closed for renovation. Thanks in advance.

My first question!

Any Gothic Churches in Berkeley California?

Ekidnagrrl17 — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 20:57:22 -0800

I am getting married in Berkeley California. Are there any beautiful Gothic churches there for the ceremony? I love buttresses and stained glass :)

The noise level coming from the church across the street is driving us crazy. Help!

Anonymous — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 19:21:08 -0800

The noise level coming from the church across the street is driving us crazy. Help! We live right across the street from a very loud church in the Hayes Valley neighborhood of San Francisco. At first we thought it was kind of nice being near a place of worship, but now we're kind of fed up. There are very loud services with singing and all sorts of instruments that are probably amplified, as well as random drumming practices. It goes on for hours (they've been playing for at least 4 hours just today), and it's on weekdays and weekends. The services seem to be kind of irregular; it's not like we know it's going to be bad 6-8pm every Wednesday. I work from home, and it's nice to work in cafes, but I hate the feeling like I can't enjoy my own home. Plus, not being able to relax in our living room on Sunday evenings can be kind of a bummer.

What is the best way to approach this? We called in a noise complaint once - it was 10pm on a Sunday and they had been going at it for 3 hours (plus they had a van idling outside for 40 minutes). But, the cops weren't that helpful - they said they weren't going to disrupt the church service (but that's when it's noisy!) and they were trying to stay on good terms with the churches. It's also a gentrifying neighborhood, which may make things more complicated...

Is there a mini-church for me in Houston?

grablife365 — Sat, 11 Jul 2009 21:04:49 -0800

In need of recommendations for mini-churches in Houston, would prefer near Sugar Land but will look into anything. I heard a while back about mini-churches and mega-churches. I'm not into mega-churches like Lakewood Church here in Houston due to the crowd and it not being personal but I'm also finding that I'm not into medium sized churches either, ones that boast of 100 to 200 people. I like to be in small groups of people no more than 20 to 50 people. Even smaller would be a plus.

It would be nice to be involved like I am with a small Bible study where we aren't talked to too much and instead can interact with the discussion. Other characteristics I would like would be a church that is informal, laid back, non-denominational and of course open to new visitors.

Is there any church like that in Houston even near Sugar Land? I'm hoping there is one here that could fit me better than the medium and near mega ones I've been to in the past few weeks.

Thank you.

UU

Anonymous — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 22:46:44 -0800

Looking for a good Unitarian Universalist church. I couldn't help but be interested in this recent question, especially since it describes my own beliefs and doubts well. After seeing so many people chime in with Unitarian Universalist, I'm thinking of exploring it a bit. Does anyone know of a good UU church in the Boston/Cambridge area (or how to go about looking for one? Do I attend a couple of Sunday services at different places and see what I like? Never belonged to a church before, so I'm at a loss). I tried the finder on the UU site, but the sheer number of churches that came up on the search scared me a bit. I'm posting anonymously because if I try out a few churches, I kind of don't want it to get linked back to my mefi account, if that makes any sense. Thanks.

How do I form the First Church of [Insert Celebrity Name Here]

runcibleshaw — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 23:04:02 -0800

How do I start my own church in California? If L. Ron Hubbard can have a church, why can't I? I have tried searching for "how to start a church" on google and askmefi, but no luck. I think there's something about filing a 501c non-profit form, but there are a lot of forms for similar things (non-profit raffle? commercial coventurer?? what the crap?). This will not be a serious religious organization by any means, so any money I spend on this endeavor will be minimal. I may want to include the name of a celebrity in the name of my church (think Peter Griffin's Church of Arthur Fonzarelli). If I somehow am able to register a church, will that keep other people from using the name I pick for my church? Can I get out of paying income tax? Do priests pay tax?

It would be really nice if there was just one form I could fill out that a couple of my "congregants" could sign, get notarized and mail to the IRS or City Hall or something.

What should I ask Mormons?

howgenerica — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 12:43:15 -0800

I'm meeting with Mormon missionaries tomorrow for a religious discussion, and they want me to come prepared with questions about Mormon history/ belief/ doctrine, etc. I'm looking for a list of questions that will give me interesting answers and lead to longer discussions about the nature of Mormonism. I'm very interested in their religion, I just don't know enough to know what to ask, and I have three hours with them so I need a good amount of discussion questions. Thanks!

What Church is this?

jefficator — Thu, 21 May 2009 14:07:06 -0800

What church is this in New Orleans? What church is this in New Orleans, sadly close to the interstate? http://maps.google.com/maps?t=h&hl=en&ie=UTF8&ll=29.943501,-90.077498&spn=0,359.999136&z=20&layer=c&cbll=29.943395,-90.077575&panoid=c788TK2zg2Tf1_TQy4BkAA&cbp=12,11.66,,0,-13.73

First church to name themselves

relucent — Mon, 18 May 2009 18:51:59 -0800

What was the first church to give themselves a non-geographic name? This afternoon, out of nowhere, it struck me as strange that churches even have names. Then I conceded that geographic names, like "the church of God in Corinth", or "Lake Mills Lutheran Church", are to be expected, but then it seems like a jump to start naming the church after things or people, like Hope or St. Luke.

I am wondering how I could go about finding out the first church to apply a name to themselves which was not a direct description of who they were. When did this practice start?

Why should the church support gay marriage?

fogster — Sat, 09 May 2009 09:06:53 -0800

If you were writing a letter to the editor with the title, "Christian Church Mustn't Oppose Same-Sex Marriage," what facts and arguments would you include? I'm a (quite) left-leaning Christian, and I'm appalled to find that the Church has a leading role in opposing gay marriage everywhere it's passing here in New England. I want to write a letter to the editor (and, perhaps, my Diocese) to this effect, and I want the hivemind's help in making sure it's a slam-dunk argument. For the purposes of this letter, I don't want to argue in favor of gay marriage itself, but merely that the Church should not oppose it.

The point I currently intend to make are that: (a) The Old Testament makes a few references to homosexuality being a sin, but (b) The New Testament does not (is this correct?), and (c) The New Testament is "a new covenant" with God, in which (d) Jesus, time and time again, argues that we should love everybody and "let he who is without sin cast the first stone" I.e., nothing in the New Testament indicates that Jesus would want us to oppose gay marriage, but plenty of things in the New Testament suggest he wouldn't want us fighting civil rights. I don't want to argue anything First Amendment here, since (a) It's more IRS rules than the Constitution that would preclude the Church from politicking, and (b) It's more likely to rub Christians the wrong way.

My Biblical skills are a little rusty, so I was hoping the hivemind could fact-check the above, and, more generally, point out anything I might have overlooked, whether it's things that might undermine my argument or things that I didn't think to include that could bolster my argument. Again, my aim in writing this letter is not to argue in favor gay marriage per se, but merely to suggest that the Christian Church should stay the heck out of lobbying against it.

First comes love, then comes marriage - where?!

SRMorris — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 01:04:06 -0800

Can anyone recommend a small, quaint church to get married in near Hadfield/Glossop/Derbyshire area. My fiancee and I are struggling to find a nice church that is small (<40 people attending), is beautiful and has character. We are both christened under "Church of England".

Thanks for any help you can give

What makes an Episcopalian?

Picklegnome — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 12:08:02 -0800

EpiscopalFilter: What must one believe to be an Episcopalian? What do a significant majority of Episcopalians agree on? What (non-political) issues are members fairly evenly split on? What beliefs are left up to individual members? I'm mostly interested in the theology, metaphysics, morality, etc., rather than the specific moral prescriptions or topics of political debate. Where do various issues of doctrine fall on the "Personally Interpreted / Essential or Prescribed" scale?

How to add a sound file to our church website?

rdauphin — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 09:01:33 -0800

What's the easiest way to add a sound file to my church's Wordpress-based website? I have Sunday's Easter service (approx. 60 min.) on a CD, and I'd like to post it online so out-of-towners can access it. Our church website is built on Wordpress. We'd like to post the service (or at least the sermon portion) online, but this is completely new to me.

It doesn't necessarily have to reside on our website as long as we could link to it.

We use a blog theme from iThemes.com called Red Essence. My skill level is intermediate. I use Windows XP.

Any guidance would be appreciated.

What should I wear to a Catholic church on Easter Sunday?

LittleKnitting — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 10:39:51 -0800

What should I wear to a Catholic church on Easter Sunday? I'm traveling to the northeast next week with my SO. During a part of our trip, I will be meeting his entire family. They're Catholic and there's a good chance I may need to go to church with them on Sunday for Easter.

The problem is that I haven't been to a Catholic mass (let alone a Catholic Easter mass) in ages and I have absolutely no idea what to wear.

I figure, of course, I should avoid anything too revealing, casual, or overtly offensive. But, other than this, does anything go?

Can I wear a simple black dress? Is black even an acceptable color? Or am I obligated to wear something pastel or white? Could I do nice dark pants with a light colored blouse or sweater?

I'm trying to avoid a major faux pas here, so any guidance at all would be appreciated!

It should be a Good Friday, not just an Okay Friday.

Madamina — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 20:33:14 -0800

Help me find a soprano/mezzo solo for an Episcopal Good Friday service! I'm a subbing soprano soloist (more of a mezzo, but who's counting?) in an Episcopal church. I offered to do a solo any time before Easter, and I got the Good Friday service. Now I'm racking my brain trying to think of what to sing, as my usual B Minor Mass/Messiah solos won't cut it. Aside from Barber's "Crucifixion" or something from the St. Matthew Passion, what can I do? I can pick up just about anything quickly (I love a challenge), except the aforementioned Passions, and I have access to a ton of scores. The altar area, I am told, will be cleared of everything, so something very simple and solemn would fit the setting. This will be at noon.

Thanks!

The accidental minister's wife

Anonymous — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 07:40:12 -0800

My husband, who has been agnostic since we met and hasn't attended church in years, has rather suddenly decided to pursue a career in the ministry. I don't know what to do or who to talk to about my concerns. First off, I am Buddhist and he is Christian. I have no problems with what he believes, nor does he have any issue with what I believe. This is just a very unexpected turn of events and I never envisioned becoming a minister's wife.

My concerns:
1. He says that since ministers are essentially public figures, they must be very careful about appearances so as to avoid scandal.
a. We're both kinky, and have attended public events and clubs. He says we won't be able to do that anymore, and I'll have to avoid discussing the topic with anyone. (I'm not out about it anyway, but I don't make a special effort to hide it either.)
b. He says he's not going to watch porn anymore and is in the process of deciding how he feels about other sex acts (presumably the kinky ones). I'm worried that we'll end up with missionary-position only.
c. He says that people are bound to gossip and judge me because I am his wife. I lead a pretty unremarkable life (except for the kinky stuff) but this makes me self-conscious as hell and it feels very restrictive (i.e. sometimes I like to go to gay dance clubs with friends, my bachelorette party was at a strip club, etc).

2. I'm afraid that as he becomes closer to the Christian community, it's going to create a wedge between us. He says he has no problem with my beliefs NOW, and he's even very curious about Buddhism, but he's almost certainly going to get pressure from less open-minded people who insist I'm going to hell.
a. Then again, he did say that I can't make an informed decision about whether or not I'm Christian without having read the Gospels. I countered with "Why don't you read the Qu'ran, just to make sure you're not Muslim?"

3. I really, honestly don't have a problem with anyone's belief system, BUT I don't necessarily want to talk about it, or be around a bunch of people who think I'm wrong. I feel like a fish out of water in a church, and I can't in good conscience "go through the motions" (not that he is asking me to). I grew up as a Christian and left the church when I was 14 because it just didn't make any sense to me.

OK, so all that said - my husband is a very good man who I love infinitely, and who loves me unconditionally. He is not one of "those" Christians - he believes in marriage rights for same-sex couples, he's pro-choice, feminist, etc. We agree on pretty much everything except the whole God & Christ thing. We don't have kids and won't be having any, so that's not an issue. I am definitely not considering leaving him, but I just don't know what to do with this new information. Help?

How to obtain my baptismal certificate?

smurdah — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 13:46:07 -0800

What's the easiest way to get a copy of my baptismal certificate if I only have a vague idea where I was baptized? This is embarrassing, but in my defense, I don't really remember it all that well. I'm getting married in four months and need to get a recently-issued copy of my baptismal certificate. I was baptized in or near Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, around 23 years ago.

None of my living relatives remember in which parish. They don't even know if it was the Diocese of Pittsburgh or the Diocese of Greensburg. Neither diocese seems to have the records at the diocese level (that's what they tell me when I call, anyway -- wouldn't they keep backups?).

I know it's possible to get a conditional baptism ("I baptize you, if and only if you've never been baptized before") but even in that case, I'd still like to get a copy of my original certificate, just to have.

Do I need to just start contacting all the Catholic churches in the area (100+), or is there a better way to handle this search?

Thanks in advance!