Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with chores

Should I confront my roommates?

Anonymous — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 06:17:01 -0800

My roommates are driving me nuts; should I talk to them about it, more than I already have? I don't need this to be entirely anonymous, I just don't want it to be linked to my username. This is a bit long, bear with me please?

Some background info:
I live with my boyfriend and his brother A, A's girlfriend B and their recently-moved-in friend, T. We all have separate rooms but share the kitchen and living areas. I'm quite a private and territorial person and frankly, unsuited to communal living - especially with these particular roommates.

I'm starting to resent A and B for their untidiness. I do almost all the household chores as my boyfriend works a lot and everyone else is simply disinterested. They track mud into the house, leave food crumbs everywhere, over-fill the trash with bulky takeout containers and leave recycling (mountains of beer bottles) in the kitchen for weeks. B sometimes has girly beauty sessions in the living room and leaves bits of hair and makeup (staining) on the floor. If I want the house to be clean, it's up to me to vacuum and wash the floor, compress and divide their trash (yuck), wash and take out the recycling and basically pick up after them. My boyfriend and I buy all the cleaning supplies and basically do all the cleaning. They are hardly home/awake at the same time as us so we barely get to talk.

Apart from freaking out my inner neat freak, they also have no qualms about infringing on our space. When their toilet clogs, they'll use ours for weeks while waiting for the clog to "fix itself". They eat our food and take our possessions, from toilet paper to digital cameras, and never bother to replace or return them. Even when I ask for them back.

I think I care more than most about personal boundaries and living with A and B is really stressful for me. My boyfriend is reluctant to move (he has his reasons), but has said that if I talk to our roommates about every issue that bugs me for the next two months, and they still don't change, then we can move.

Is this a really bad idea? I think that it might destroy my relationship with A and B. We're pretty friendly when I'm not seething about the last chore I had to do for them. I try not to talk to them too much about this stuff, basically I ask once or twice and then leave it. My boyfriend thinks that doing this will help me get better at conflict resolution, which I'm not too good at. If I do this, how should I approach it?

All I've done thus far is ask them nicely once or twice not to do certain things. We've had one or two roommate meetings and while some of their worst behaviours have changed (stuff not mentioned above), most things have stayed the same.

Caveats: Remaining on good terms with A and B is pretty important to me. Also, I don't think messiness in itself is bad, I just don't want to live with it, in my own life.

Teaching Children Responsibility

Fairchild — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 12:04:17 -0800

Please help me nip another parental failing in the bud. I want help my children be more responsible. I have a couple lazy parenting practices that I'm not proud of. They aren't doing my kids any favors and I wish to correct them.

My first-grader and third-grader have never been expected to clean their bedroom. I want to begin making this a requirement. Should I first show them how it is done and then allow them to clean it on a certain schedule? I'm not sure I want to give a monetary reward for completing the room cleaning. I think taking away a privilege would be more effective. Is this a good idea? How do you go about it with your children? Or, if you are not a parent, what were your parents' expectations?

They do pick up their toys in other rooms and outdoors when told, but they must be told. We have no chore chart or expectations for daily or weekly chores. When the mood strikes, or if we are having guests, we will ask them to do something and they will do it. I usually clean their bedroom because it is allowed to become a huge disaster and at this point I prefer doing it on my own because I am frustrated by the mess. I will give them tasks such as putting the Legos in the bin but I'm not sure they know how to make a bed, or pick a room from start to finish. Or, maybe I just think they can't. What should I expect at this age?

Also, I wake them up every morning for school. Should they have an alarm clock? What kind of morning routine is best to instill responsibility? I set out their clothes and prompt them what to do next. They don't even have to think for themselves in the morning because mom and dad are giving orders every step of the way. This doesn't sound very good but they are not babied. They have other responsibilities and we don't tolerate whining or excuses, we just haven't made them clean up after themselves with any kind of regularity.

I never had regular "chores" as a kid. My mother cleaned my bedroom and woke me up for school. She probably dressed me until I was in the fifth-grade. I don't want to repeat this pattern and time is slipping by. I wish for them to be more responsible and self-directed.

I feel like I should know how to do this but I want advice on how to best go about it.

Thanks.

Metafilter:Guidelines :: Apartment:???

yaymukund — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 12:40:08 -0800

What are some things you wish you knew (or were glad you knew) before you moved into your first apartment with roommates? I'm looking for methods of splitting up chores, cooking, finances, resolving disputes, and dealing with common problems.

washing the counter each day keeps the cockroaches away

aniola — Fri, 29 May 2009 12:27:25 -0800

How do you structure your chore system? I live with 6-7 other folks in something resembling a relatively new housing co-op. Some chores get done, some don't. We have agreed that we're not interested in a punishment-based system, such as paying a fee if your assigned chores don't get done. What options are available to us for keeping a cleaner home?

Is there a sanitary way to reduce our daily dishwashing?

katala — Sat, 28 Mar 2009 20:25:01 -0800

Is there a sanitary way to reduce our daily dishwashing? Hi MeFites, my husband and I seem to create large piles of dishes for just two people, and even when we wash them every day they pile up again very fast.

Is there a way we can wash dishes straight after using them that is sanitary without having to fill the sink up with boiling hot water and suds every time?

Or are there other methods we can use to reduce the amount of dishes at the end of the day while maintaining sanitation? (we have no dishwasher unfortunately - renting)

Any and all tips would be very much appreciated. A huge thank you in advance!!

Katala

Nancy Drew as cook and housecleaner?

ragtimepiano — Sun, 15 Mar 2009 18:30:58 -0800

In one of the early Nancy Drew books, circa 1931-2 or thereabouts, Nancy takes care of an elderly guy ( I think that's the scenario) and actually cooks and cleans for a couple of days at his house. Which book would it be? I've done some searching but I can't find the book or the section? It would be in the early chapters of one of the early books, I think? It may have been edited out in the updates, but should still appear in the Applewood editions? Anybody of the hive mind, have any ideas? Thanks!

Scrubbin, scrubbin, scrubbin...

SNWidget — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 16:59:08 -0800

ChoresFilter: My fiancee and I are living together and both happy as clams - except we both HATE doing the dishes. They keep piling up, and even though I cook, I always keep putting them off. How do you manage chores like this, especially ones that both of you hate doing? I know the simple answer to this is, "Hey, do the dishes." Yet, it's the one sticking point in our chore routine. I cook, she does laundry. We've balanced everything else out pretty well. It's just this one thing that's sticking.

We have a dishwasher and a two basin sink. I do most of the cooking, but I generally just throw the pots and dishes in there. Most of the issue comes from the fact that they sit there, and then it becomes insurmountable.

Any tips? Tricks? How do you get past these types of "chores nobody wants to do" situations? My relationship doesn't depend on this, but it would make our lives a bunch easier.

Any advice is helpful.

If It's Thursday, I Must Be Churning

amyms — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 00:42:34 -0800

I'm interested in becoming more organized and consistent with my housework routine. Recently I started assigning different tasks to different days, so that I would be able to say "Okay, it's Tuesday, I need to water all the houseplants" instead of wondering "Yikes, when did I last water the houseplants?"

In that vein, I remember an old poem about housework:

"Wash on Monday,
Iron on Tuesday,
Mend on Wednesday,
Churn on Thursday,
Clean on Friday,
Bake on Saturday,
Rest on Sunday."

I wonder if it's really possible to organize household chores in that way (obviously the poem would need to be modernized). What kinds of chores would work in that model, and what kinds wouldn't? Do you do your housework based on a daily or weekly routine? And if so, what types of chores get their very own day?

Cinderfella, write me some flashscript and have dinner ready when I get home.

spec80 — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 06:48:13 -0800

Help me understand what it is like to work at home so I can be a better girlfriend and roommate. I will be moving in with my boyfriend and his friend/business partner next month. I work at an office during the week and my boyfriend is a programmer and works from home. Personally, I could not handle working from home. I have a lot of respect for the people that have that kind of discipline.

However, I know myself well enough that I will eventually start thinking crazy thoughts about chores.

I know it can be boiled down to "It's like working. At home." Unfortunately, I don't have the capacity to get the concept and I want to avoid a fight in the future.

Please help me understand what it is like so I can be more understanding.

Looking for cleaner in Wimbledon

kiwi.es — Sat, 10 Nov 2007 03:43:01 -0800

Searching for good household cleaner for Wimbledon (SW19), London Hi all -- does anyone have good references for household cleaners -- washing, floors, ironing, bathroom, kitchen, that kind of thing? Or any guide price? Sites that I could look? Perhaps a sort of www.ratedpeople.com for cleaners?

Feather my bookshelf

LoriFLA — Wed, 29 Aug 2007 20:38:34 -0800

After a run of reading somewhat serious, oftentimes depressing fiction and nonfiction, I'm looking for something more domestic. Have any suggestions? I'm in the mood for fiction or entertaining nonfiction that mentions the rituals of housekeeping or cooking, or both. The last book I read that follows this idea is Anna Quindlen's One True Thing. It's not the best example I'm sure, but the heroine's mother is a natural at cooking and crafting. Detailed descriptions of handmade needlepoint pillows and blue ceramic pie plates and the process of making lunch for the monthly woman's group, etc.

Contemporary titles or older works, all suggestions appreciated.

how to keep track of whose turn it is to change litter?

esolo — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 05:33:15 -0800

how do we keep track of whose turn it is to change litter? my partner and I have a cat, and we want to share the responsibilities of caring for him. More specifically, each of us changes litter every other day.

However, we can't figure out a way to keep track of this effectively. It seems to be quite difficult to remember something you have to do every other day. I've tried putting up calendars with our names pre-printed, but once one person misses a turn, it is useless.

Have any of you figured out an efficient system to do this? Maybe with chores for roommates or children?

Thank you.

I hate doing the laundry...help me minimize the number of articles of clothing I have to wash, please!

icollectpurses — Sun, 01 Apr 2007 17:11:39 -0800

Is there a way to effectively, efficiently, and economically wash your laundry that keeps piling up at the end of the week from daily workouts? I recently started working out and have been doing it everyday. At the end of the day, I have 4 articles of clothing in the laundry basket(shirt, sports bra, underwear, pants) which adds up at the end of the week when I do my laundry. I was hoping to find out what most of you do especially when you have to pay to do laundry? I am moving to a place where I will have to pay to do laundry and to dry it...I could air dry stuff but for under garments, I would like to be able to dry it rather than have sports bras and panties hanging around.

I guess I could workout every other day for a longer period, but I would appreciate any suggestions/previous experiences, etc.

I can only afford to workout half an hour a day or so, so I am not sweating that much but enough that I wouldn't be able to wear it again the next day.

If you have any secrets, I'd appreciate it.

Is there a Flylady for FlyFulltimeworkingCouples?

tastybrains — Tue, 20 Mar 2007 11:46:18 -0800

Is there anything like FlyLady but for people who actually work outside the home? Lazy 20-something couple is looking for help keeping our apartment from being a sty. I love Flylady, but I can't keep up with her ... are there any similar systems that work better for people who work outside the home? Flylady seems mostly geared towards Stay-at-home-Moms, and while I am envious of people who are able to squeeze in a load of laundry at 10am, I am not one of them.

My new husband and I are trying to work out our household chores angst so that we stay on top of basic cleaning, but I guess our parents didn't teach us how to act like grown-ups.

Any links, books, or suggestions on how to set up a *realistic* plan for cleaning/organizing and splitting up chores between two lazy people who work long hours would be great.

A housekeeper is, unfortunately, not an option right now. And, as often as I ask, the cats refuse to pitch in.

Tips and Tricks for Living With Roommates

bonheur — Thu, 02 Jun 2005 13:09:20 -0800

I live with three roommates in a large apartment, and we need a system to help us split the chores and get along. What techniques have you used to make sure everyone pulls their own weight in a roommate situation? How do you make sure the trash gets out and the rent gets paid and everyone gets along? Right now we have no system, and people just clean when they feel like it, but that seems to lead inevitably to one person doing the lion's share of the chores, and then that person starts to resent being the house maid, and the other people start to resent being nagged to take the trash out, etc. etc. Advice? Tips? Tricks? How can we make communal living work?