Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with choice

Perfect Career Checklist

spec — Sat, 12 Dec 2009 22:28:12 -0800

Omit passion and salary. What other aspects of a job are important? I'm 19 and I'm brainstorming possible careers.

Some people choose a career based on personal interests; others, salary. Passion and salary seem to be the only two factors shoved down my throat whenever I ask for career advice. I can't help but feel there's other, more subtle aspects to deciding on a career that I'm missing.

Philip Greenspun lists a few:
- work mostly collaboratively?
- meet a lot of new people?
- work mostly with competent people?
- work mostly with interesting people?
- able to see the direct impact of one's work?
- able to teach others?
- get to travel to interesting places on a regular basis
- able to leave work behind when you go home at the end of the day? (or do you have to prepare, read email, answer phone calls, etc. when at home?)
- able to take long blocks of time off for exotic travel?
- cog in a large bureaucracy?
- satisfaction of being the boss?
- value to employers increases with age and experience?
- able to move to any part of the country and find a similar job? (or effectively stuck in one or two cities where an industry is concentrated)

So besides the salary and job content itself, what other aspects of a career are important to you, and why? (And perhaps, what job/field would fit those criteria the best?)

Even relatively insignificant aspects are appreciated.

A Choose Your Own Adventure that you couldn't win?

Kirklander — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 11:11:10 -0800

Choose Your Own Adventure question. I am trying to remember something about the plot (and maybe title) of a Choose Your Own Adventure that has haunted me since the mid-1980s.

I think the plot had to do with trying to escape a spacecraft or another dimension. Also--and this is the key part--by design, there may not have been a way to escape, because the one page where you escape had no pages linking to it.

So I remember accidentally turning to that victory page and that it said something like, "You don't know how you did it, but you have somehow found yourself escaping the Kingdom/Spaceship/Dimension of _____" Then I tried to reverse engineer the ending, but I couldn't find any choices in the book that went there, and decided it must be sort of a philosophical thing where you only win by going outside the box.

Does anyone remember a Choose Your Own Adventure book like this, with a page that you could never get to? Or maybe I was wrong?

Should I go work for one company (1-2 month) while waiting for another company's offer?

Anonymous — Fri, 15 May 2009 06:42:24 -0800

Should I accept the offer from company "A", knowing full well that I would go work for company "B" in 1-2 month? I'm sure 99% that B's offer will come, but should I do this as a way of hedging my bets? Hello, fellow hiveminds. I need to ask you guys (gals) something work related, and so I must be anonymous. [Also, English isn't my first language, so please excuse my grammar/spelling.)

I'm 27 years old, got Bachelor in Engineering and Master in Finance. I used to work as a software developer for almost 4 years, then went for a master in the US. Now I have returned and live in Asia. (my hometown)

I got my master recently and have a bit of an "identity crisis". I'm not sure which career path I want to pursue -- in IT or Finance. (I know, it's a bit silly but that's another post all together)

So what I did was sending resumes to both IT and Finance companies. While waiting for the companies to respond (a few weeks), I finally figured it out that I want to go the Finance route. Shortly after that I got an interview, and then an offer from Company A. Nice pays, nice benefits. I also talked with company B and also got an "acceptance" in principle.

I must elaborate about A & B a bit. Company A is a big US software company, specialising in Financial and Legal/consulting business. I don't have anything against A, it's just not the career path I want to pursue.

Company B is also a big international financial firm. I used to work as a programmer for a guy there (my boss) and after discussing with him and his superiors, they're very interested in me and told me that I'll be in his new business plan. Actually, I talked with him on and off about this opportunity since 5 months ago.

This position is the greatest you can ask for, for an entry level position.The problem is, they can't offer me anything concrete until (they are guessing) 1-2 months because of the new business plan. (approval, paperwork and all that)

The reason I'm confident about B's future offer is -- the Top executive at the company really likes me and even called me personally about this opportunity. So it's 95% confidence level for me.

Ok... really long background, sorry. my question is:

Should I accepted an offer from company A? It's a good deal for me, but I'd feel bad about company A. Would there be repercussions if I did? And Are there other [better] solutions?

I welcome all suggestions, and thank you so much for reading through all that.

Conan, what is best in life?

so_necessary — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 04:18:20 -0800

I'm at a loose end in life, have few real constraints... so what shall I do next? Go wild. Life was all going so well (sort of?) but for one reason and another my life has slowly ground to a jobless living-back-with-parents-and-21-years-old halt. Now I'm festering in a quagmire of do-nothingness, and mixing all my metaphors. You know the phrase "If you want something done, give it to a busy man" - I am the non-busiest man ever.

I'm looking for:

* practical recommendations of stuff you did recently (or a while ago!) that you enjoyed, especially if you found it to be conducive to personal growth/happiness/or led on to even more exciting opportunities
* any random whimsical ideas of stuff to do, like maybe the other day you thought "ah if I didn't have to be in the office every day then i'd totally... [strap a jet engine to a kayak and see what happens]" I say this because at least 90% of cool stuff I've done has started out with a whim ("apply to be on gameshows!") but I think i've developed whimpotence, possibly because there's no constraints for them to exist in opposition to? Or not - ideally this sort of footloose and fancy-free approach should be able to exist independently and I should nurture it somehow?
* Also, your touchy-feely mental/mindset advice on how i should actually approach it all and slowly easy myself out of epic life paralysis (nb: already have therapist (nb: not that it's very helpful but that's for another AskMefi...)) I wonder if perhaps I am only one awesome spider-diagram / motto / quotation / analogy from insight and happiness...

Things I have:

* enough money, to, say, live cheaply without a job for a year, or travel around the world, although of course it's not necessary that I actually spend this money now now now, i could just keep it! although i worry it would be "frittered" were i to hang onto it for ages...
* vague career field ("internet stuff") and obvious cynicism/doubt of choice of career field / curiosity about the simple life of the radish farmer, etc
* some work experience that's not just nothingy
* friends! a girlfriend! (though obviously they're doing their own stuff)

Things I don't have right now (I mean obviously in general I have them, but these are the things that are missing)

* any commitments or things tying me to any particular place, etc
* on the other hand, any structure or particular sense of purpose, so it's very easy to, for e.g., spend days after days getting up at 4pm and watching DVD box sets until 8am and never really seeing sunlight
* sense of what the right time-scale is to think of (is it difficult to do something today if it isn't part of some larger plan or not, or what? i think i probably just need to get on with it.)
* any Clear Favourite option, in fact, nearly all ideas seem equally pretty good, although of course any given option is at the opportunity cost of all the others and hence induces anxiety that it is not The Best Choice
* any real strategy or criteria for even choosing broad areas or narrowing stuff down or knowing where to start, so even when people helpfully say "oh you should travel!" a large part of my brain goes "OH GOD SHALL I BUILD A SCHOOL IN GHANA OR RIDE THE TRANS-SIBERIAN EXPRESS OR GO AND FIND MYSELF/DRUGS IN BOLIVIA OR MAYBE I SHOULD JUST LIKE WORK IN A BAR IN GOA FOR A WHILE HOW CAN I DECIDE"
* confidence in What Is Most Important or my ability to predict what will make me happy (esp. vs. "what seems 'cool'")
* oh, a degree, i don't have one of those

So hopefully the tenor of this question is indicative of my current feeling that "What next?" is a colossal, ungrapplable predicament, and hopefully you'll be able to a) make it less colossal by coming up with a brilliant idea of exactly what i should do next, or b) make it more grapplable by, well, if I knew that I'd not be asking this question, eh? But imagine, if you come up with a great idea, I'll actually do it and send you a photo and a thankyou note. TBH I'll alphabetise your record collection or whatever if you pitch it well enough.

PS: I guess broadly i'm looking at "moving to the city" / "or staying with family cheaply for a while longer" / "or to other city, with friends but not until September and also less work available there" where I "do something careery" / "work in a [bookshop/cosy pub/something simple and nice]" or I *don't work* and instead / "do work experience in some different fields" / "do something charitable" / work on "projects" (although, see: whimpotence/inspiration-dearth, but then see: suggestions welcome) possibly as auto-didactic learning and "teach self some new skills" possibly even "do a course" and/or "earn a qualification" unless I "travel" "around the world" or "part of the world" or just go to one place in the world and stay there (Buenos Aires my friend says, for no apparent reason, other than the steak, but what would I do there and wouldn't I be terribly lonely and and and...) and do something there, whatever that would be, god knows.

PhilosophyFilter: The burden of choice- When did choice come into play?

ISeemToBeAVerb — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 00:22:27 -0800

I was thinking today about the idea of choice. The existentialists talked about choice all the time- How every human has the "burden of choice". In other words, we all have the "burden" of free will, the choice to do something or to not do something. I know my philosophy knowledge is rudimentary at best, but I guess my question is: when did this idea of choice emerge? Primitive man had no luxury of choice, everything was about survival- So at what point did humans develop the idea of having a choice?

Want to have a real college "experience" but limited to community college and a state school in a city I just don't like.

evanrodge — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 12:35:15 -0800

Want to have a real college "experience" but limited to community college and a state school in a city I just don't like. Ok, so please let me fill you in on the back story.

During my high school years I switched schools three times. I never really had a chance to make good friends at any of them, although I was a reasonably popular athlete.

My family was forced to move to Tennessee the summer before my senior year. I was struck with a reasonable bout of depression due to loneliness shortly after we moved down here. I still have a few friends from my senior year, but most of them have gone off to college somewhere else. I was so focused on making friends and doing social stuff that I totally neglected my college search during this time. So my dad, who was a star college athlete, pressured me significantly to play lacrosse on scholarship. He talked about that non-stop, day in, day out. So finally I just settled on a small school in NC where I could play.

For my freshman year of college I went to a small school where I was to play DII lacrosse. I then realized that playing lacrosse was something I did as a kid, not what I wanted to do all during my college years. After my first semester there, my mom got really sick, so I decided to just come home and go to community college until she recovered.

This summer has been a total mess. I got accepted back to my small school (LMC) and also a larger state school - UT Chattanooga. However, I can no longer afford to go to LMC because I wouldn't be playing lacrosse for them.

I just visited Chattanooga, and I have to say that I really don't like it there. Its a big city with an outdated school, and I don't know anyone there.

So now I'm stuck. I just want to go to a real school where I can have a real college experience, but its too late to apply anywhere else, and by the time next spring semester rolls around I will have lost a whole year and a half of my college 'life'. I just want to have real friends and have some fun for once.

What do I do now?

Do I take what's behind door #2?

Anonymous — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 18:12:28 -0800

Should I stay a consultant or go with the cool in-house gig with a commute? I'm completely torn between two jobs. Help me choose, please.

Pardon the lots of detail. Trying to do the best to avoid follow-up.

Current gig:
I've been here a total of almost 6 years, but left for another gig (that I hated) and returned just 10 months ago. (So going to another gig, quickly hating it and going somewhere else or returning isn't really an option.)
I love my immediate team. I don't work with them every day though. When it comes to the larger company, I find myself very frustrated by the disorganization, politics, egomania, being thrown under the bus.
I'm decently paid, very respected and in high demand - which strokes my ego but also makes me exhausted. I find people competing for my time and attention, bogged down in meetings and having to struggle to accomplish tasks – for which my clients pay big money for.
I've reached a ceiling as far as promotions and learning here and raises, well, we're owned by a huge company so those don't really exist.
My boss is nice and smart, but not a good manager. I would feel guilty abandoning him, but he's one of the few. I have a lot of flexibility here timewise, but there are also a lot of demands on outside time - late nights, unexpected travel, etc. My commute is short and public transport based.
It's an incredibly respected firm, but it's already on the resume. I'm really good at what I do. It is as fun as it is frustrating. It sucks me dry creatively, however.

Except I've got a client that likes me. Really likes me.
That's behind what's door number 2.
It's a lateral move titlewise, but has a direct opportunity for growth into a bigger role when I want it and into a broader opportunity to learn new skillsets within my job function.
I like what they make - a lot. I'd be a fan even if they weren't a client. They seem a bit stressed, but well intentioned and they appreciate good ideas. They're fixing what's broken and I'd have an opportunity to weigh in on the breaks and the fixes. I would be incredibly empowered - to change things, to hire, to fire and to put training in place.
The people are good - and more geeky than the current job, which is a plus in my book. They're international, so they'll be travel, not as much as being a consultant, but their travel is further, longer.
They're offering me a lot of money - but not an obscene amount compared to what they're paying for my work as a consultant.
The kicker, though, is the commute. It would add an hour each way to my day, but still via public transportation. They've offered me time flexibility and the ability to work from home one or two days a week.

About me:
I always work too hard wherever I go.
As sick as it is to say, I've got enough money (I'm not rich, but I'm happy living simply).
I have a family and they take priority over other considerations, but the idea of two hours to concentrate each day sounds really good to me (I've done it before and I hated missing the time with the family, but I loved the me time).

How the heck do I choose? Which would you go for in my shoes?

Rocks and hard places

Anonymous — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 10:27:05 -0800

Passed on a challenging job offer for the sake of an easy life, how do I stop kicking myself? Lengthy explanation follows... I've recently been involved in a mad couple of months trying to line up a new job for when my current contract ends in June and was finally faced with a choice between Job A and Job B, both working on digital/web projects:

Job A is permanent and well within my skill-set, on an interesting project at a venerable but progressive organisation with lovely, knowledgeable people who work well as a team, great location within a 20 minute commute and fantastic pay/benefits. Within the remit of the post I'll have a lot of freedom and be able to contribute straight away. The downside is the context - policy and law based stuff, largely text, which makes my heart sink a little. But it will give me more time and headspace for outside interests (including resuming a non-related study course) along with the opportunity to build up a big chunk of savings very quickly.

Job B is a 12 month contract (taking over from someone else's maternity leave), very big responsibility, above my level of experience and slightly outside my skillset, managing people and workflows rather than my own work, and with an hour's commute. BUT! The content is amazing, lots of mixed media, on a big public project for a respected national institute. Basically, lots of 'Wow' and 'doing good in the world' factor. But it will take-up a lot of energy and personal resource and is offering £11k less than Job A with fewer benefits (no pension etc).

So! Had this been a year ago I would have jumped at job B. In fact that's exactly what I did a year ago, moving from the country to the city for a similar gig at a similar organisation. And I've spent the last year struggling to get my head round the job/organisation, hating the commute and worrying about finances. Also, despite the amazing content, the job itself turned out to be a bit of a nightmare due to a deeply political, non-progressive culture within the organisation and it's been a constant struggle to get much of anything done. I have had almost NO life outside work during this time, but I have gained a lot of experience very quickly and it looks great on my CV.

So, getting both new offers on the same day, I accepted Job A on the basis that I don't want to be in the position I'm in now in 12 months time - little savings, and the added pressure of needing to find another job just as the one I'm in hits the period of greatest intensity. I also think oversold myself in the interview for job B - I'm not actually sure that i am the person they need and I'd have to spend a lot of time getting up to speed. This last point has been the same for almost every job I've had so far and although I've done good work, learnt and grown loads as a result, I know I'm a bit burnt out (I'm 32, single, no dependents, with about 8 jobs in 10 years behind me).

But now I feel terrible for passing up on job B, like I sold out totally for an easy life, that I missed the chance of another potentially amazing gig just because of a bad experience in my current job, and that I've chickened out of being stretched and challenged and am now a boring person with a dull job and no integrity. I'm also slightly spooked by the 'permanence' of job A, after being used to contracts.

How do i get past this feeling? Can anyone lend any perspective? Tell me what made you get off the job-hopping wheel? What made it worth the compromise?

big anniversary coming - wife wants to travel, I want to secretly buy her a car

Anonymous — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 11:54:23 -0800

This summer marks a big wedding anniversary. I wanted to surprise my wife with a car. She is now talking about wanting to travel. Since both ideas require advance planning, how do I open this dialog with my wife, while trying to keep the element of surprise? My wife has been driving minivans for the last 8 or so years. She is definitely ready to be out of minivan mode. I couldn't blame her. I would like to give her in something nicer and more fun to drive.

I was wanting to surprise her by handing her the keys on the morning of our tenth wedding anniversary.

She's now talking about wanting to travel and is starting to check airfares/destinations. Financially, I'm not comfortable with both the trip and the car. A possibility would be to spend less on a car and take a less-expensive trip.

We don't 'need' a car, nor is the purchase of a different car dependent upon selling our current van. I will, however, eventually sell the van and use the proceeds toward the new(to us) car. Its not like the van will be 'missing' for a few days leading up to our anniversary.

I've been wanting to give my wife a nicer vehicle for some time. Again, our current van is clean, running well, and paid for. Outside of wanting to do something special for my wife, there are no real concrete plans for replacing the van.

I've accepted the fact that plan A is probably not going to happen. The beans are going to have to be spilled. I need to open a dialog with my wife and let her know about my intentions while being respectful of her wanting to plan something. Any suggestions?

mods: anon because wife is a occasional visitor

Where to live: Seattle or San Diego?

|n$eCur3 — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 19:19:09 -0800

Help me decide where to live: Mid 20s in San Diego or Seattle? The factors of importance are within. But any unique perspective will help. I've been in Seattle for a year, but may move to San Diego for more pay in the short term (job in Seattle is better career-wise, in the long term). Either job provides enough to make me happy.

If you live in Seattle or San Diego, what do you like about either place? San Diegans, would you move to Seattle? Seattleites, would you move to San Diego? Have you lived in both cities? Which did you prefer?

I am most interested in the following factors:
1. Sunshine, weather. San Diego wins landslide.
2. Ease of meeting people. Undecided.
3. Cost of living? Don't know.
4. Which place is more relaxed? Don't know.
5. Public transportation: Seattle wins.

A little about myself for context:
I am active, love outdoor activities (ski, bike, surf, run). I have been having a hard time meeting my "type" of people in Seattle (despite joining many activity groups, of which there are many), but I've only been there for a year. I am from Northern California, where I find people more open and outgoing. In Seattle, people are "nice" but it's hard to break into deeper more meaningful relationships without extreme effort. I find Seattle to be very cliquey and exclusive (it's feels like I need to pick a group). In California there is more open socializing, which is more of my style.

Anyway, any factors that I am overlooking can be explored as well. Thanks!

Help me choose between these two jobs!

SanctiCrucis05 — Fri, 26 Oct 2007 06:45:32 -0800

I've got two great job offers on the table, but unfortunately, I can't figure out which I should take. One is with an amazing organization, but doing more J2EE work; the other is sexy Adobe Flex work, but Contract. Help me choose!!! I'm relatively new to the workforce -- been out of school a little over two years now -- and have moved into becoming a full time software developer. My current job is more consulting-y than I'd like, and I am forced to work with some pretty...um... unmotivated people, so I've begun looking for a new position. By my great luck, I've ended up with two job offers -- but now I don't know which to choose!

The first offer is with the best run company I've ever encountered. To give you an idea of how on top of things they are, I went through four interviews, including a tech interview, and received a job offer from one of the most senior folks in the company -- before even one week had passed from first contact! Everyone I've met in the company is truly talented and passionate, and the company has a good reputation for itself. The only real downside is that I would be doing a lot of Java Spring / Hibernate work. My background is primarily J2EE, but I've really enjoyed working with Adobe Flex and I'm primarily interested in focusing on building sexy front ends. This company does do some of that work, but I would not have access to it for at least a year, and they tend to be more enterprise-y in general.

The OTHER offer, conversely, is 100% Flex stuff, is really interesting, and focussed on front end work. It would also offer me more money than I currently make. Since I ultimately want to spend my time doing RIA development, I definitely want to further my Flex experience. The problem is that it's contract based. While I would have a full time position guaranteed for the next 6 months, I've never done contract work before, and so I'm a touch frightened by it. In my current job, I do most of my work alone as it is... but the thought of REALLY being a one man show is definitely a huge adjustment for me.

PLEASE help me make the right choice!!

Meandering "artist" looking to settle down

raheel — Mon, 01 Oct 2007 11:19:24 -0800

How do I, a perennial drifter between mediums and disciplines, pick an art form as a hobby? I have dabbled in bunch of things—guitar, sketching, poetry, prose, photography—but never stuck to one. Usually, after I have reached a comfortable level of expertise in one medium (able to play most songs on the guitar for example) I let it go (maybe bored) and move on to something else. I have gotten fair bit of familarity with most mediums over the years but am at the point now where I want to pick up one form and get really good at this. But the same problem comes up: I love something about all the mediums and when I start getting bored or hit a learning bump with one, another calls to me.
I mainly want to practice an art so that it gives me that creative satisfaction that I may not always get in my day job every day (even though I love it). I guess I am not asking which art form I should take up; rather:

How do I stop my artistic meanderings? How do I just figure out one medium and stick to it?

Please help me decide whether to get drunk or high every night.

metawabbit — Wed, 22 Aug 2007 13:09:51 -0800

Please help me decide whether to get drunk or high every night. I got married in April of 2006, and the wedding planning stage was very stressful for a number of reasons. So, during that period of time, beginning around November of 2005, I started drinking alcohol every night to the point of getting drunk. Alcohol makes me aggressive and generally an asshole, so my wife was less than happy with this habit. So, around July of 2006, I started smoking pot every night instead of drinking (I had earlier smoked pot every night for about a year in 2003). The pot made me more happy and creative and helped me open up emotionally. The problem with the pot was that I was smoking it every night while watching t.v. and eating junk food in excess. Also, I am inherently introverted, but the pot made me refuse any activities outside the home in the evenings. So, although it was difficult, I was able to stop smoking about two months ago. The problem is that I have now gone back to getting drunk every night. I believe that I abuse alcohol/pot because I don’t want to do anything productive at night other than just relax, which I have trouble doing without some substance.

I have been diagnosed with mild social anxiety, dysthimia, and adult ADD. I have been taking Strattera and seeing a therapist for about a month now. I believe that I have remained fairly productive during the period in question, as I have gotten married, started working in my career of choice, and exercised regularly. However, I would like to learn to relax in the evenings with something other than eating, watching t.v., and smoking/drinking. The problem is that nothing else seems appealing and I have not been successful in breaking this habit. Even when I do something else in the evenings, no matter how late I get home, I need to smoke/drink before going to bed – and not because I have trouble sleeping. I feel like my time of smoking/drinking is my time to relax, recharge, and reward myself for the day. Although a copout, I am resigned to the belief that I will continue to smoke or drink in the evenings until something comes up in my life that requires my attention, like having kids, etc. So, my main question is whether I should go back to smoking pot since it has a better effect on me and I enjoy it more than drinking? The counterpoint to the likely obvious answer in the affirmative is that I believe that it will be easier for me to quit drinking than it will be to quit smoking pot when that day hopefully comes. Also, I acknowledge the view that all of my reasoning is bullshit, and that I should just stop smoking/drinking. It’s just the reality is that I haven’t been able to make myself stop or find something else to fill my evenings.

Thank you in advance for all answers to my question and for any other insights or advice.

Looking for a DVD "A Father's Choice"

IronWolve — Sun, 24 Jun 2007 17:40:16 -0800

Looking for a dvd "A Father's Choice", cant seem to find it. Googled for it, still cant find it. Any ideas? info at imdb and the movie trailer google video

Agonizing Dilemma

umlaut — Mon, 21 May 2007 09:39:53 -0800

How to decide between a better job and a more satisfying social world? I will very likely receive a job offer with a company in another town a few hours away from my current job. This would be a promotion and would yield better compensation. The company is small and I would have greater authority. I would work with a co-worker from my past, so I can trust their input about the environment.

However, I enjoy my present job despite the lower pay and lesser role. My social life (both work friends and non work friends) is much better here than it was at my last job so I fear throwing that away just for more money. I have friends in the potential new town, but they're married and spread out. With the new job I would work fewer hours, but then I would not have the more single-based community I now have. And what's the point of working fewer hours if there are no people to spend it with in your downtime? I'm a mid-twenties single male so I kind of need that social web. But then why not work fewer hours for more money and a better role? A job is just a means so why suffer a longer period of lower pay and a lesser title if I don't have to?

I've done the pros and cons list, but all it does is irritate me at this how awful this decision is. How do you make an objective decision when most of the points aren't objectively-based? I have not had salary discussions with the potential company, but I almost feel like demanding more than they could offer just so I can deny a part in the decision.

There are other similar posts with a lot of "forget the money, man" cheerleading responses. But do those people really practice what they preach?

How do you place a value on quality of life?

Anonymous — Sat, 19 May 2007 21:10:08 -0800

How do you place a value on quality of life? Posted anonymously, since this is career-related and I'd rather not have it attached to my name.

I have a job offer for $60K, but it's somewhere I know I won't want to live for very long, kind of hated when I visited, and suspect I would be pretty miserable in. (Think very very cold and very dark for large parts of the year.)

My other option is to stay in grad school for another year, and finish the degree that I'm working on. Money would be tight, but livable. I might not be able to pay off much existing debt, but it wouldn't get any worse. I'd have an established group of friends and the benefit of knowing and enjoying the area.

My goal is to live somewhere I enjoy while having a job that I like. (Yes, der. Like there's anyone who doesn't have that as a goal.) I see that probably involving a move to Austin or another college town like Ann Arbor or Ft. Collins. If I took the job in the very cold place, I would almost certainly be looking to leave there as soon as I could.

How do I decide if the money I would earn if I took that option would be worth the emotional/psychological hardship? Let's assume that the work and grad school options leave me with equally good career possibilities at the end.

I suspect this might be unanswerable, because I've been going back and forth over the options in my head for weeks now, but I would really appreciate any insight you can give me based on your own experiences.

The thought of taking the job makes my heart sink, but so does the idea of letting a "sure-thing" opportunity go.

To Exchange or Not To Exchange

divabat — Sun, 11 Mar 2007 06:31:08 -0800

Should I go on exchange next year? I am an international student (Bangladeshi passport, Malaysian PR, considered Malaysian for all purposes except immigration) studying in QUT in Brisbane, Australia. Currently I am doing a Bachelors in Creative Industries (Interdisplinary), submajoring in Creative Writing and Creative Industries Management.

My university offers students an opportunity to go on an exchange for a semester-a year with their partner universities worldwide. I'm thinking about taking up the opportunity, but I'm not entirely sure if I should.

Now I'm an exchange nut. I've always wanted to be an exchange student in some fashion. One and a half years ago I travelled around the world on a global education program and had the time of my life. I should be jumping for joy at this opportunity, but there are some things that are making me second-guess it.

PROS:
1. It's exchange! Travel! Learning! New experiences! Just my thing!
2. I can obtain an "International Exchange" minor from this, which may actually help with my career goals.
3. I don't have to pay the overseas uni; I just pay my usual uni fees. I'm on a scholarship (which covers half my usual fees) so that helps.
4. There is a system in place and I will get credit transferred.
5. It fits with my visa guidelines (as long as I am here for my final semester I'm fine - I'm planning to go in early 2008).
6. I have a semester full of electives, which I can use to study just about anything - I'm hoping to do something related to education or social work.

CONS:
1. The partner universities don't seem very appealing. I'm quite the "alternative nontraditional education" girl (think Hampshire or Semester at Sea) and the unis they have there are more on the traditional side. (It was telling when I asked people for recommendations, listing my preferences and the unis available, and I got so many recs for UC Berkeley - which is NOT a partner uni.)
2. The more interesting countries have a language requirement, which I can't fulfill. Or they don't quite have the courses I want. Which leaves me with UK, USA, Ireland, or Canada. There is one uni in the US (The College of New Jersey) that has piqued my interest, HOWEVER...
3. ...the US is weird in that I have to go back to Malaysia to get a student visa (I already have a tourist visa). Other countries let me get visas at the Australian embassy. I don't know if I'll have the time or resources for that.
4. I'm not sure I'll be able to support myself or be supported financially. I still depend on my parents to a large extent (my part-time job doesn't pay all that much) and they already paid for my round-the-world trip, so this would be a hard sell.
5. I have a boyfriend, whom I loathe to leave behind. He's actually encouraging me to go on exchange, he thinks it'll be good for me. But it'll still be hard. We spent 3 months apart for hols and it was still hard!

One complicating factor is that my friends are adamant about going to South America during the summer/end-year holidays - fun idea, but between getting the visas for everywhere and getting my paperwork sorted, it is a logistics nightmare.

Mainly, though, it's the lack of any super-interesting partner universities that's bumming me out. There's none there that make me go "OH I MUST GO". I would much rather travel on a program like The Scholarship or Semester at Sea or wherever, or do an internship for a semester, but that involves taking a Leave of Absence, which can be really iffy on my credit transfer and with my student visa. Also, I'll have to pay full fee, which could suck.

What should I do? Any suggestions? There's gonna be an exchange fair in the next couple of days, but what other options do I have?

Can I use my President's Choice debit card in Mexico ATMs?

ninefour — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 08:58:20 -0800

CanadaBankingFilter: I need to know if I will be able to use my President's Choice Financial debit card to withdraw cash from ATMs in Mexico. I can't seem to find a straight answer on this topic.

I've tried calling the bank and they say "they can't guarantee it" but say that if the machine has a PLUS symbol, I "may" be able to. But, there are no symbols on the back of my card at all.

I need to know for sure, so I am hoping someone who sees this has successfully withdrawn money using their PCF card from an ATM in Mexico.

Furthermore, I am in a bind, because my paycheck doesn't get deposited into my account until the day after I leave. So I can't even withdraw the money before I go... I will have to take it out down there.

I am going to Puerto Vallarta, if it matters.

Parenting a teenager who needs to make some big decisions

Anonymous — Sun, 03 Dec 2006 07:59:45 -0800

Please help me to wisely assist my reluctant teenage son choose his future and take action to achieve his goals. My son has just finished his second last year of high school (Australia). He turns 16 in February 2007. He’s usually B+ student with very little effort. He claims to have no interest in alcohol or drugs. His main form of entertainment is computer games. He is not fit, not interested in exercise but he’s not overweight. He’s tall – over 6’. He’s naturally blonde. He’s a pacifist. He’s shy. He’s never expressed any interest in girls (or boys for that matter). He’s not interested in part-time work. Other pursuits can be a little difficult due to our lack of a car and our minimal income. He’s normally polite and friendly to his parents, and willing to help out (when asked).

He has said in the past that he’s interested in either history or computer programming (and has enjoyed doing a bit of C etc in school but is not motivated to write his own programs at home) but he can’t decide which. His dad is in IT, which means he never had to open his computer to see what was wrong. We’ve told him this decision doesn’t choosing his career for the rest of his life, just for the next three years.

So the problem is this: whenever I talk to him about his future, no matter how gentle or tactful I am, and how relaxed he was before I started, he storms off and says, “Now I’m depressed.” Usually I don’t get a chance to ask why because by this stage his body language alone is so strong that I know not to keep at him. I respect his privacy and ease off.

Next year from early February, he will be starting his final year of high school and his grades from this year will greatly affect his entry to university. He’s likely, just from innate ability, to be able to pull up a good enough score to get into any one of the 4 local universities but not necessarily into a program he likes. He has to make a decision about which universities to apply to by August.

I’m worried because I’m his mother, and because I know how hard it is to try to get a degree after you’ve left home and are working. I’m worried because I don’t want him to end up only playing computer games and living off us forever. I’ve always encouraged my kids to make their own decisions and face the consequences, but it seems like he’s satisfied with the consequences of doing nothing.

I’ve suggested websites (like the local university websites, the government going to uni website) etc. I’ve suggested alternative career pathways, a trade for example or clerical work for the government. Any of these suggestions result in an uncharacteristic response of rudeness and a brush-off.

What should I do to assist my son in making wise life choices without being an overbearing (and therefore ultimately ignored) nuisance?

Chefs Choice Meat Slicers

jorlando — Thu, 30 Nov 2006 10:10:49 -0800

I'm considering purchase of a Chefs Choice meat slicer #645 or #662 for home use. Can anyone give comments about either of these models?

Do I choose belief or does belief choose me?

crewshell — Wed, 01 Nov 2006 03:09:51 -0800

Is belief a voluntary action, an involuntary action or some mix of the two? Is belief a voluntary action, an involuntary action or some mix of the two?

After reading this Free Will question I remembered a similar thought that came up a few years back that I never explored.

Can I simply choose to believe something or do I not have any control over this part of my mental psyche?

More specifically: Does one choose to believe in an idea, a statement, an occurrence or is this something that happens without our conscience control?

When someone sees something so astonishing and they utter “I couldn’t believe it, even with my own eyes” could they indeed not believe it, even after experiencing it?

Another angle, if someone told you something was true, but to your standards there is no real proof or disproof of what he tells you, could you still simply choose to believe? And if you did, would you actually, truly, be in belief or would you only be fooling yourself?

Going even deeper & conversely, if you did currently have a belief and someone presents something that conflicts with your belief, would that render it no longer true or could you tell yourself to overlook such obstacle, and again still not just be fooling yourself?

Would the answers to these question apply equally to the belief of things we can see and touch (ie. the ice is cold, the car won’t start) and to things that are only thoughts and ideas? (ie. the belief or disbelief of god, that it will or will not rain, that someone does or does not hate you, etc…)

Lastly, does the idea of subjectivity change the premise of this question as well? That being, if someone believes in something that is subjective, ie. beauty, character; how does this affect everything?

I guess overall this question has to do with reality and our perception of it, but I am trying (in the essence of actually coming to some sort of conclusion and to not wind up in an endless circular argument) to give a few concessions and assume that we all are really here, that I really am typing this and that you really will try to answer ;)

Surgery choices

betterton — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 15:16:03 -0800

Which surgery would you have? So you have a medical problem that is painful, not immediately life threatening, and requires surgery. The doctor recommends you choose between three procedures.

1. Minimally invasive procedure (MIP). Your abdomen does not have to be cut open.
Length of operation: <1 hour. hospital stay: 1 day. time for return to full activity: 2-3 weeks . probability of success: 75%. 2. laparoscopic invasive procedure (lip). your abdomen receives several small incisions for the insertion of small instruments. length of operation: 4-5 hours. hospital stay: 2-3 days. time for return to full activity: 3-4 weeks. probability of success: 90-95%. 3. really invasive procedure (rip). your abdomen receives a long incision for full open surgery. length of operation: 1 hour. hospital stay: 3-5 days. time for return to full activity: 4-6 weeks. probability of success: 95%. all three options require general anesthesia. should procedure fail, another can be tried later: having the mip now doesn't preclude future rip. font size=2>(If you really want to know, the surgery is for a urological problem called UPJ obstruction and the surgery options are endocscopic pyelotomy, laproscopic pyeloplasty, and open pyeloplasty. But I'm not looking for specific medical advice on these particular surgeries so much as how people think about the balance between invasiveness and success rate.)

Which surgery would you choose, and why?

How to make a decision

rootz — Tue, 18 Apr 2006 16:40:47 -0800

How to choose - two roles, both appealing, and only one me. I have two career opportunities available to me - both these roles are of interest, but they are at opposite ends of the software development continuum. One is a architecture role, with design, research and forward-thinking responsibility. The other is an integration role, development, testing and problem-solving at the end of the software lifecycle. One will require strategic thinking, the other is all about the detail (though I reckon in both cases there will be an amount of crossover). My background is in software development, and i see both opportunities as a natural progression - either becoming even more expert in the platform I work in, or becoming the forward thinker.

There are a lot of subsidiary criteria surrounding both roles - different companies, transport times, benefits, travel etc - but they all pretty much even out, so I'm trying to make my decision by comparing the roles, then I'll deal with the rest of it after I'm sure what I'd prefer to do. Probably no one can give me direct advice without knowing me and my situation in detail, but if anyone can give me some ideas on what to think about when deciding, I'd really appreciate it. I've been pondering this for almost a week now, and I'm really frazzled.

The Worst Daughter Ever

Windigo — Thu, 03 Nov 2005 11:40:56 -0800

If one of your parents said they wanted you to move to where they were, that they needed your help, would you do it? Even if you knew that it would lead to extreme hardship and unhappiness in your own life? The situation is this: my grandfather, who is the only "father" I've ever known, is living in Nevada. His health isn't the best, and he wants me to move there. This isn't the first time he's asked me. In fact, he's brought it up every time we talk, for a couple years now. It started out with him claiming it'd be best for me and that there were great opportunities for me there, and has progressed to this. This whole situation has led to me avoiding calling him, just because I know the majority of the conversation will be about how I could do so much more with my life, if only I would do the right thing and move there. However, he truly *does* have health issues and I believe he needs someone to be there for him. He recently had a lung operation and now uses an oxogen tank. So it is not a case of him trying to guilt me into moving because he's lonely.

I simply don't know what to do. I'm in my mid-twenties; if I had a home where he could move in with me, I would have him here in a minute. However, I live the typical 20's lifestyle with a roommate. Even getting a new apartment with him would be difficult, as I don't have enough money to pay the majority of any rent, which is what I would have to do if I lived with him here. What happens if he agreed to move in with me (which he wouldn't, so it's rather a moot point. He thinks I am living in the wrong place and tells me constantly) and there's not enough money? Also, I've just started the first really good job I've ever had here; money-wise (somewhat), future experience-wise, and simple enjoyment-wise. To move (to a very, very, very small town, I should probably add. I'm an artist/designer, and this area would offer nothing in that way. Really, I don't know what type of job I could hope to get there at all, besides McDonalds.) would set me back horribly.

No one else really seems to care besides me. He has a daughter (my aunt) who refuses to help. He doesn't live alone, he lives with a niece, but according to him she has more health problems than he does and can't be of much help.

The guilt is killing me. This is my *father* for all intents and purposes, and I'm letting him down. He's always been there for me in whatever way he could be. There's a very large part of me that feels like the most ungrateful and selfish person ever to walk the face of this earth. And there's another part of me that *knows* that to move will destroy so much for me, and set me back in so many ways that I don't see how I could recover. Is even questioning if I should go point to that, yes, I deserve every bit of guilt I am feeling? He's 78 and in bad health.

I know this is something only I can decide. All I want to know, I guess, is if any of you have had to make a decision such as this and what you chose.

Is there an online service that will let me make a multiple choice test and administer it?

sirion — Wed, 26 Oct 2005 13:49:19 -0800

Multiple Choice Surveys: I'd like to create a multiple choice test, give people the link, and get the results. Is there an online service that would allow me to design a multiple choice questionnaire, and store answers to it?