Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with childless

Is the cure baby aspirin? Because I'll take some .

Anonymous — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 17:55:29 -0800

Baby Fever... The biological clock is ticking hard. While I realize it is totally natural, and I know that eventually I want children, how do I calm the hell down? I feel such a huge sadness when I think that it might never happen... The stats: 29 year old female, single. Lots of dating experience, long term and short-term-fun-times. I feel confident in who I am, and the cool little life I'm making for myself. Gainfully employed in a fun industry I love. Have yet to meet a man I feel I want to marry and/or have kids yet. Ideally, those things would go together.

There's been other questions in AskMifi in regards to "holy crap where did this baby fever come from, I dont want kids??!!" I've always wanted kids. But at this point in my life, the desire seems overwhelming and crippling. I have babysat a lot, I have friends and co-workers with children, and I love spending time with them. I know it is not nearly the same thing as having your own, but even on that level - I feel a huge longing after being with the kiddos. I know that when/if I do have kids, it isnt a picnic.

This is the only thing in my whole life where I feel like I am on a deadline. If someone could just tell me "oh, dont worry, you will have kids when you are 31" I'd stop worrying about it. I don't even want them right now, next week or even possibly next year - I still enjoy my freedom, I work a ton, I dont have the finances quite yet, and... I havent met that guy yet.

I'm just really facing this overwhelming dread that it is never going to happen. To compound matters, a striking number of adult, childless females in my life keep telling me that I should just get knocked up by whatever guy I'm with. These are strong, beautiful women with great minds, careers, lives... yet they say this with almost a desperation in their eyes that, as you can imagine, does not help that dread.

It hasnt gotten to the point where I'm actually thinking about just getting knocked up, but it does color a lot of my thinking - Am I in a job where I can have kids in the next few years? (Good future thinking) Are any of these guys I'm dating have any father potential? (Not bad future thinking) Should I just pick one to hurry up, marry, get knocked up by and see what happens? (Not... so good.) Everyone keeps telling me how great I am with kids, and when am I going to have my own... I know they mean well and it is a compliment, but it just evokes this huge sadness in my heart, a fear that it will never happen. Any advice for combating this?

Note: I do not equate wanting a kid with absolutely having to have a kid. I'm not just going to get pregnant and have a baby because then everything will be happy and rainbows will fly across the sky with unicorns. I realize there are many elements of my life that have to come together to support a healthy, happy parenthood.

how did you feel when you turned 40?

bananaskin — Sun, 24 May 2009 14:35:37 -0800

How did you feel when you turned 40? I am a woman, just turned 40 a few months ago. I am single, no children. Been divorced for 15 years. Been trying to find a good man to settle down with and make a family but sadly, that has not occurred as of yet.

I have found that recently, I am beginning to feel strangly empty, somewhat lonely, and although age is always relative to the person who is older/younger, I am beginning to feel some sadness that I am now 40 and still alone.

Although I have worked hard to finish school and start a new job, getting modest financial success, I am feeling sad.

Before anyone quickly states "It could be worse" or the like, put yourself in my shoes and see the world from here first. (no kids, over 40 in a world that sees female value in her youth, oh and so much more...)

I would like to hear both thoughtful, compassionate advice as well as any feelings and thoughts of others who have recently turned 40.
Thanks!
bananaskin

Am I changing my mind or wasting his time?

Anonymous — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 15:16:52 -0800

My partner wants kids, but I've always been opposed to the idea. He's making me question that, though. How do I know if it's a real change of heart? I have said since I was a teenager that I didn't want kids. Helping care for a sibling and years of babysitting grounded the idea but there's been plenty of social science research on happiness that made me feel comfortable with my choice. It has made relationships challenging in the past, but I've never been with someone who made me question my commitment to no kids and early retirement with my life partner.

Enter the new boyfriend. He wants children. He knows I don't. (I presented my position to him as being based in part on a pathological fear of pregnancy and childbirth, which is totally true: don't let your daughters watch Alien at a young age, folks.) We've been dating for a few months, and for the first time I find myself thinking that our kids would be pretty awesome. This has never, ever been the case with previous guys, even those I was with for years, or who I would have sacrificed almost anything for. At this point the idea of raising kids no longer sounds bad, and actually a little cool, although I still get squeamish a little about the birth stuff and frightened myself with the avidity with which I read a recent article about surrogates.

This sudden 180 is freaking me out. All those fatuous jerks who told me I would change my mind ... were they right? Or is this just a passing thing? Some things that might be affecting my judgment:

1. I'm a woman in my late twenties.

2. He would be a great father. Part of my reluctance relates to a lack of confidence in my own ability to parent, and many of my prior partners had personality problems (anger management issues, for example) that I would never want to inflict on a child. No worries about that here.

3. Our kids would have a good chance of being gorgeous and brilliant, which wouldn't have been the case with some previous partners. (Children in general: Still not appealing.)

Am I just in the grip of "I want to have his baybeez" infatuation in a way that never reared its head before? Is my biological clock trying to run the show? Most of the reasons not to have kids are still valid (expense, invasiveness of pregnancy, etc.). I think I could be perfectly happy if I never have kids. But what if I could be happy with them? How can you tell a genuine conversion from hormone intoxication?

Older, Married, and Childless? May we hear your story?

bmosher — Sun, 06 Jan 2008 16:26:16 -0800

Looking for stories of satisfaction or regret from older married couples who decided not to have children. My wife and I are in our mid-to-late-30's and deciding whether to have children. We have discussed this at length many times and both feel ambivalent about it for (mostly) the same reasons. Along with much discussion, we have each done a fair amount of reading (online, books, etc). We have also asked about the decision with close married friends and family both with and without children. Recently while discussing this, we realized that neither of us knows anyone who is married, childless, and "of a certain age". If you fit this description, we'd love to hear whether you actively decided not to have children, whether you feel that you made the right decision for you, and if so, why? Extra points for insight concerning long-term satisfaction and/or regrets you have, how this affected you, and whether you would change your decision knowing what you now know.

Disclaimer: Apologies in advance if this seems like a simple repeat of this question. After reading the responses in that thread, I feel the need to explain that my wife and I are not looking for acceptance or validation regarding our final decision one way or the other. We are not looking to stir up a debate between two sides of a potentially loaded issue. We realize that every person's situation is different, and that life is what you make it, so we are not asking for you to predict what will happen to us if we take your advice. Instead --

We are seeking your anecdotal insight specifically into the long-term experience of not having children and how this decision impacted your life.

Thanks for sharing your own experiences.

Famous childless people

vizsla — Thu, 24 Aug 2006 16:15:47 -0800

Who are the most famous people of recent times that were married but never had (or will have) children?

Childless and happy?

zaebiz — Wed, 31 May 2006 13:41:01 -0800

Can childless couples have fulfilling lives? How do they spend all their free time and money? Is it a lonely existence? Yes we are childless and I am curious (concerned) what our future holds. Do childless couples tend to be more self-centered? Does being childless bring the couple closer or further apart? What happens when they grow old - are they miserable with nobody to care about them? Also is a puppy a common and effective child-substitute?

Thanks for sharing your own experiences.

Seeking Bizarro Genetic Crapshoot Panel

vanoakenfold — Sat, 18 Feb 2006 05:04:16 -0800

ComicStripFilter: Looking for a specific Bizarro comic panel... Can you find me the single-panel Bizarro comic strip of a man speaking to a lady at a booth in a restaurant about not wanting to have kids because of the "genetic crapshoot" aspect? I've been looking for it for over a month.

Any other Bizarro toons of similar subject matter also welcome, like this.