Ask MetaFilter posts tagged with childcare

Male Babysitters: Am I Being Irrational?

scrump — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 11:29:57 -0800

We have a 3 1/2-year-old son. Our current babysitter, the daughter of one of my wife's coworkers, is leaving for university shortly, and we're trying to find a replacement for her. The same coworker has a son who's about 16 years old. Our son is familiar with the coworker's son, as well as the son's girlfriend. We discussed asking the son's girlfriend whether she did babysitting, but then realized that we would be, in effect, telling the son and the coworker that we didn't trust the son.

I am far, far more against the idea of her son babysitting for us than my wife is, and the kicker is that it appears to have nothing to do with the kid himself. He's a good kid, and, as far as we know (my wife and the coworker are pretty close), is about as straight-arrow as you can get.

My issue appears to be more or less exclusively that he's male, and that I just don't like the idea of a male babysitting my son. Am I being irrational?

Full time childcare for a toddler

malphigian — Sun, 20 Jul 2008 13:44:04 -0800

I'm looking for some advice on full time preschool/child care for a 2+ year old. First off, a little background:
I'm in the midst of trying to sort out a new childcare situation for our daughter (2 years, 3 mo currently).

Unfortunately, my wife and I work full time without a ton of flexibility. We need help from 8:30ish to 6:00ish every weekday. We are working on each taking one afternoon off, which may help a little.

Our daughter has had a full time babysitter. She's been great, and all has been well. That said, the kid has gotten increasingly social and we think she could really benefit from starting preschool in the fall.

Complicating factor: we're in the midst of moving to a new town. So we are losing our great babysitter and we don't have a lot of time to figure this all out.

Now, my questions:
-Only a fraction (1/3rd maybe?) of the preschools we've found offer full time care. Most of them are a few days a week or mornings only. Worse, all the blogs and message board threads I read seem to discuss people sending their toddlers part time. This gives me pause, do they avoid full time because it's a bad idea? Are we setting our daughter up for an overly stressful situation?

-If not, what is our other option? Hiring a new part time babysitter, and having that person pick them up after preschool? This sounds complicated and potentially expensive, but we'll figure it out if that is the better way to go.

I'd appreciate any advice from other parents who have looking into full time care for this age group. Links or book recommendations which discuss the topic would be great as well.

Thanks in advance!

How to split the baby

A Terrible Llama — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 07:14:28 -0800

I'm looking for thoughts on how to split up baby care between partners during maternity leave. Mr. LLama and I just had a beautiful baby girl by c section last week. After a nightmarish week of attempted breastfeeding, we've gone with formula. This has worked out nicely (even though it was a source of sadness for me initially) because we've gotten a routine split in baby care going.

However, next week Mr. LLama returns to work at the Llamatorium. What are some ways people have split up childcare once Dad returns to work and Mom goes into poop patrol full time?

The equality in the split we have now is nice, but Mr. LLama has to wake up at 4:30 to go to work and we can't put him in a chronically sleep deprived position because of the toll that takes on a relationship. I'll be able to nap and he won't.

Ideally, I'd like plan that has me and the baby up at 4:30 too (even if I'm awake but the baby isn't--that sleep when the baby sleeps thing seems impossible to me.)

She's not a difficult baby so far--she's not a screamer--but she is up 2 or 3 or 4 times a night. She sleeps in her crib in our room. We were going to do a family bed but I haven't felt safe because I can't roll over or lie on my side easily because of the incision. The crib in the room seems to be working well.

I looked at the previous threads and found some good ideas but no thread specifically dedicated to this.

A good combination bike trailer/jogging stroller?

drezdn — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 11:21:35 -0800

Can you recommend a good combination bike trailer/jogging stroller. Once my baby can safely do it, I'd like to take him on bike rides and jogging trips, but I don't have the room to really store both of them. Is there a good combination one that my wife and I should keep our eye out for?

Drop off child care in Manhattan?

shivohum — Wed, 23 Apr 2008 12:25:16 -0800

What are some great places for drop-off child care in Manhattan? We need to be able to bring a 3-year-old and leave her in safe hands for a few hours. Any places that are open till late at night (midnight or 1 am)? Thanks.

No! Color in the coloring book, not on Mommy's manuscript!

libraryhead — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 20:01:16 -0800

Toddlers and copyediting do not mix. Help me figure out childcare. My husband and I have a (sweet, clever, rambunctious) 2-year-old daughter. For the past year, she went to a wonderful babysitter three days a week while I worked part time. Now I've lost my job and my babysitter (laid off from the job, and the babysitter found better-paying work--not babysitting). I'm pregnant again, due in August, and have decided not to look for a permanent job, since I plan to stay home with the new baby for a while.

Luckily, I can get freelance work in my field and work from home but, as with most freelance, it can be a little erratic. Some weeks I might not get anything. Other times I'll have a big project with a short deadline and have to work long hours to get it done. I'd love to have a steady stream of 30-hour projects coming in on a regular basis, but that's just not the way this business works.

My question is: How can I organize childcare that works with an irregular work schedule? I don't make so much per hour that I feel like I can afford to pay for too many hours of daycare when I'm not working. But when the big projects come in I'm really stuck if I don't have a babysitter booked. I just can't work for more than 15 minutes without being interrupted, and when I try I feel guilty for parking her in front of "Elmo TV". The girl *loved* going to her babysitter, where there were two other kids to play with and lots of toys and activities. I want her to have that opportunity, but I just can't see myself ferrying her around to a bunch of playdates. I'm not the kind of mom who likes nothing better than getting down in the sandbox or breaking out the finger paints, either. We'll both be happier if she has some playtime while I have some work time.

We've thought about hiring a "mother's helper" to come to the house part time. Since I'll be home, too, we could probably go with a student or someone less experienced and not have to worry so much. But mornings are my best work times, and I'd guess most students would be in class then. My concern about hiring someone directly is that the arrangement I really want -- being able to expand and contract hours at need -- doesn't seem very fair to them, and they could be in a tight spot if they're counting on a certain salary to pay the rent and only have the one client (me).

Maybe a home daycare is the way to go, but the few I've checked out via Craigslist seem kind of skeevy, to be honest. There must be good ones, but I don't know how to find places with openings, or if they would have the flexibility I need. I don't think she needs or wants the heavy structure of a big, preschool-style center, and the one place I checked out doesn't do part days anyway.

And, of course, we want someone loving and trustworthy who will care for our little girl and have fun with her. Come August, everything changes. We just need to hold it together for five months without going crazy.

Are there options I haven't thought of? Has anyone out there successfully figured out freelance-friendly childcare? Specific tips about how to go about finding the right provider and how much we should expect to pay are also welcome. We're in the northern suburbs of Boston, if it matters.

Nanny sharing

beccaj — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 11:47:18 -0800

I am going back to work and need child care in Nov. The baby will be a year and I am thinking of nanny sharing. I was planning to pay a little more than who ever (havent found that person yet!) I share with to have it in my home since Dad works at home and my mom is avail for portions of the day to help too.
I was looking around but can't find if in Massachusetts it wou ld be considered a "day care" and I would need licensing.
I assume we would have to pay medicare and SS as an employer as well.
Insurance??
Any advise on nanny sharing/day care welcome!

Child will not eat at school

dnthomps — Sat, 18 Aug 2007 03:26:09 -0800

How do I get my daughter to eat her school lunches? My little girl has just started kindergarten and while she is doing well in terms of behaving and homework, my husband and I are having problems with getting her to eat the lunches her school provides. My daughter goes to a private school and their menus focus on the same things we do at home. They serve the same foods we would at home and that is why I am at a loss as to why she cannot eat her meals.

When she is at home, she loves to eat. She can eat a pretty big portion considering her age and she is not a picky eater by any means. For example, when she goes to restaurants with us, she loves to eat steamed oysters and has never had an issue with eating her vegetables. I can admit that being at school and eating with other kids can be distracting, however, her teachers have informed us that she is always the last person to eat and has to be told to throw her food away because lunch is over. My husband and I have assumed this to be a game she has learned to play, taking as slow as possible to eat that way lunch ends and she doesn't have to eat at all.

My husband and I have always had problems with getting her to eat when we are not with her. When she was younger, she had the same issue with her daycare and with her nanny. I remember having to take my lunch breaks to coincide with her daycare lunch time so that I can visit her and ensure she eats. When I did that, there was no problem. She was more than happy to eat and finished all of her food. She also has the same eating problem when she is with family members and not with us, so it does not make sense to believe it is just because she is with strangers.

Family members have suggested that perhaps she is just most comfortable with us when she eats and is not distracted. I will admit she enjoys eating with us and is truly delighted to spend time with her parents, but I am not at all complimented by this issue. I will not pack a lunch for her to eat because she does not finish those either and I feel that doing that caters to her avoiding eating school lunches (if that is the case).

My husband and I understand that this is just a phase and since I was a stay at home mom 90% of the time, she is going to just get used to eating without us. For now, we have told her no treats or anything special until she starts to eat her food at school. We are truly at a loss on what to do.

How to find a babysitter in Seattle?

Riemann — Tue, 30 Jan 2007 21:24:00 -0800

How to find a babysitter in Seattle? I have a 5 year old boy and live in Seattle (Greenlake area). Never actually had a babysitter before other than family (usually one of the grandparents). It would be really handy once in a while (probably round once a month, if that) to find a sitter for an evening but I am totally lost as to how to go about it.

I guess the question is both the specific (eg: how to find a sitter in this area) and the more general (eg: how to tell if a potential sitter is a good one).

The question of a second child

zek — Wed, 17 Jan 2007 13:42:44 -0800

Those with two or more kids: if you had to do it all over again, would you do so, or not? Not counting outside factors like the state of the world and so forth. Our details, if it matters: Virtually all of our friends who had kids have had a second one. It seems like even the ones who had a rough time say they're glad they had kid #2. I don't know if that's diplomacy or delusion talking, or if more kids really is better.

Our only child is a 3-year old boy. I think we've done an outstanding job with him... people always rave about how polite, well-behaved, and smart he is. So I think we would probably succeed as parents if we had another one. Believe me we're concerned about overpopulation, peak oil, Malthusian scenarios, and/or where the U.S. economy might be heading, but considering how well we've done so far with our first kid and considering our education (my wife has a liberal arts/philosophy/physics background and I have a physics background) I think our family stands a slightly better than zero chance of making a positive contribution at some level of society.

For me the real question is whether the day-to-day reality of having a second kid is just a little harder than our 1-child family, or a lot harder, and if you've found it better or worse than you were expecting.

How to find a good mother's helper or other childcare solution?

justonegirl — Thu, 04 Jan 2007 10:00:11 -0800

Child care solutions for working at home with a newborn? Our son is now 2 months old, and I am just starting to get back into my work. (Unfortunately, I'm sort of jumping into the fire: I'm a corporate event planner, and my biggest gala of the year is the first week of February.) My husband and I are both fortunate enough to be self-employed and work from home, but we're finding it near impossible to accomplish all we need to with a newborn at home. With my biggest deadline looming, and January being the busiest month for my husband's work as well, we're both stressed to the limit.

Unfortunately, trading off shifts hasn't been effective for us. We don't have any family members or close friends who are available to assist with child care with any sort of frequency, nor do I know any other moms who might be able to swap child care duties. We're not willing to put our baby in a day care center -- I already have significant trust/guilt issues about even leaving him with my mom, here at my house, while I'm under the same roof! We would be willing to hire someone to assist us in our home, but how do you go about finding someone reliable and trustworthy to work just a few hours, a few times a week? (I'm assuming here that "good" mother's helpers/nannies would be looking for full-time work.) The other downside to trying to hire someone is that, due to the immediacy of our work demands and deadlines, we don't have a ton of time to dedicate to the very-necessary screening process.

I hate pre-emptively shooting down a ton of natural suggestions (such as asking friends, running advertisements, etc). I'm just in a bind here and trying to give as much information as possible in order to find a resolution that works. Ideas or personal experiences are appreciated!

To Touch a Child

dragonsi55 — Sat, 16 Dec 2006 04:42:00 -0800

Looking for guidelines on physically handling children at school. I recently started being a playground & lunch supervisor at my son's school.
The school system has no set guidlelines for how to handle children.
I have set some self-imposed standards, like not being isolated with a child, touching only hands-arms-shoulders, not initiating hugs, and not yanking a child.
Still, when I pulled a child who was angry and wouldn't stop yelling in the lunchline out of line to talk with her, she complained to the assistant principal.
I have full support of the admin and staff, and want better guidelines.
It is relevant that I'm male, both in that I was told the school needed more males, and in that the children feel it is different.

I've got an internal conflict whether to push officially for better guidelines.
On the one hand, the male teachers at the school do great, and I don't want to interfere with what they do.
On the other hand, I know of a professor at the local college, who worked at a private high school many years ago.
He left after a sex-&-drugs scandal, but hush-hush with no record, and he has run a high-school summer program here.
So the cracks are big for creeps to fall through.

The internets are loaded with opinions.
Has anybody actually studied this?
Do you know where any official guidelines are?

Grandparent timeshare?

n'muakolo — Sat, 14 Oct 2006 06:41:25 -0800

Polling all grandparents - would you be willing to move/spend part of the year in a different city in order to spend lots of time with, and provide daycare for, your grandkids? It looks like, for professional reasons, I will be living in a city that's about 8 hours by car from my parents, and a 2 hour plane ride from my boyfriend's family. Neither one of our families has any grandkids, but they would very much like them. The idea has been tossed around that either/both sets of grandparents could spend part of the year near us, helping to raise the grandkids & generally being a part of the grandkids' lives. My parents have friends & 1 sibling who are essentially providing day care part of the week for their grandkids, and reputedly loving it. In part I'd like the help, but also in large part I want my kids to spend lots of time with my lovely parents (who are older - 65) and his parents (who are more like 55), and our parents want to spend lots of time with what they hope will be lovely grandkids. (We talk about part time because they have such a connection to where they live, and I would hate to completely transplant them from that.)

So my question is, first of all, is this too much to ask (or too much to accept if they seriously offer)? They have lots of friends and a fun, established life where they live.

Also, what would the logistics of such a part-time residence entail? (Assuming, for now, that we wouldn't have an in-law apartment, or anything like it.)

None of this is anywhere on the horizon, but I'd be interested in your take on the idea. I've always wanted family involved in my kids' lives, but modern life/career is making that look undoable, particularly since we come from different cities, so both sets of grandparents couldn't have the grandkids to living near them, and neither set particularly likes the idea of the grandkids living near the other set.

A child exposed himself to my child at day care

frecklefaerie — Fri, 11 Aug 2006 07:31:56 -0800

A child exposed his penis to my daughter at day care. What is the best way to handle this? I have my three year-old daughter in a daycare run by nuns. I am overall really happy with the place, and I believe she is, too, due to the multiple occasions she doesn't want to leave because she's having so much fun. The daycare is for potty trained kids ages 2-5.

As I put her to bed last night, the boo said to me, "The boy in the yellow shirt showed me his penis." I tried to get some details from her, and the most I got was that it happened inside at school, and he showed it to her and another girl. She doesn't know his name. According to her, he didn't touch her or ask her to touch him. He did allegedly say, "Wanna see my penis?" then pulled down his pants. She did not tell the nuns, though she isn't one to tattle. For example, she was recently bitten by one of the younger kids and I talked to the nuns about it for her the next day.

I just don't know what to do. It sounds pretty innocent to me, just normal kid play. I don't want it to happen again, and I think the kid who did it should have a few words with an adult about it. I wish the appropriate thing would be to have my daughter tell me who it was so I could talk to him about exposing his penis and how it's really not so cool. That's not exactly the way things are done anymore, however.

There's a bit of a language barrier with the Italian nuns, and given the nature of this issue I hesitate to tell them because I wouldn't want them to overreact.

How should I address this? Should I even address it right now or wait to see if it happens again?

How did you find your nanny?

escabeche — Thu, 22 Jun 2006 06:31:51 -0800

How do we find a nanny? Our nine-month-old son will be in need of child care in a few months. Day care centers, I understand -- there are listings, accreditations, lists of violations on file with the city, you can go visit them yourself, meet the teachers, and see how they look. We might also consider hiring a nanny -- but here, we don't know where to start. The families we know who have nannies seem to have inherited them from friends whose kids started preschool. Someone recommended a referral service to me --$1500 for a referral, with $500 non-refundable even if you don't like their candidates, sounds steep to me, but is this in fact reasonable?

So: how did you find your nanny? Bonus if you have any suggestions relevant to Madison, WI. Answers to related questions "How did you choose between the nannies you found?" and "How did you assess whether your nanny was doing a good job?" also very welcome.

Office parenting

acoutu — Thu, 19 Jan 2006 22:02:50 -0800

Parents with home-based businesses -- how do you do it? I've been a home-based, self-employed consultant for many years. I've got a toddler now and I'm starting to ramp up my business again. I'm wondering how other self-employed parents work from home with a toddler at their feet. I'm not planning to work a lot of hours. I can schedule the work during naptime or in the evening. I can do a little bit of work when my toddler is awake, but childcare is the primary focus at that time. The biggest things for me are how to handle new clients who want to meet in person and unscheduled phone calls. I'm not really in a position to go to a meeting for more than an hour, given my childcare arrangements. And I typically only do phone calls during nap time -- but there's the risk my toddler will be in the background.

Hiring someone to do childcare is not an option right now.

Any tips on how to handle this? What works for you and other people you know?

Evaluating child care providers

borrowed_tunes — Mon, 07 Nov 2005 07:16:30 -0800

What are the questions we should be asking when evaluating a child care provider? With our first child on the way in 4 months, we need to get day care sorted out. Besides the obvious issues of location and cost, what did you ask potential providers, and, perhaps more importantly, what do you wish you'd asked?

Please help a few Katrina victims.

ajr — Sat, 10 Sep 2005 11:50:10 -0800

My wife and I have just taken in two boys (my second cousins, ages 11 and 7) after they lost their mother to a drunk driver that was "evacuating" New Orleans the night before Katrina. We do not have any kids of our own, so this is all new to us. We are looking for some resources (primarily books, maybe some web sites) relevant to our situation that will provide information and support for helping us to set up proper rules, boundaries, etc. for the boys and some other resources that will help us to help the boys grieve the death of their mother. We were in a bookstore last night and were overwhelmed by the amount of choices. Recommendations would be greatly appreciated.

Mr. Mom Needs A New Pair Of Shoes!

mds35 — Mon, 29 Aug 2005 12:30:44 -0800

How can a stay-at-home dad make a bit of cash on the side? For a number of reasons, my staying at home to care for our new baby boy is looking like it is our best option for childcare, but it will make things very tight, money-wise. I'd like to find some way of generating a small amount of income ($300+ per week) while I'm at home. I'll only have a few free hours during the normal business week, so I'm interested in exploring things I can do evenings and weekends, from home. Do any MeFite stay-at-home-fathers have any tips or personal anecdotes they'd care to share?

Advice & wisdom for new parents

Mom — Mon, 02 May 2005 06:03:23 -0800

What great advice, words of wisdom, and welcome would you give to new parents and their new baby. Welcome to the world, Fiona. Congratulations, Kay & Matt.

Child care vs. Nanny

ValveAnnex — Wed, 16 Mar 2005 09:37:46 -0800

Which is better for a short term (3+/- mos): Hiring a nanny or sending your infant to child care? The child is coming on 15 months, and a second income is imperative. We need to pay off some debts, and the new second income will be more than the previous single one (which would disappear after 3 mos or so). So thus the temporary nature.

It seems we could better afford a nanny, but another side of us wants to see the child grow socially, and get out of the confines of our house.

Bonus if you live in Seattle area and have recommendations on either (with enough details).

Boys will be boys.....

davehat — Thu, 17 Feb 2005 04:50:50 -0800

Does anyone have any advice for calming squabbling infants? I have a 17 month old boy and he spends 3 days a week being looked after by a friend. She has a boy exactly the same age and the two of them have grown up spending a lot of time together, mainly at our friends' house, but also at ours and on daytrips and activities. They both have a full and varied social life and my son loves being with them.

Recently, the boys have started to have issues playing together. If one of them has a toy, then the other will want it, no matter what it is, or what he was doing beforehand. When this happens, attempts to get them to play together founder, as even if the playing could be co-operative or shared (lego, blocks, reading, etc) it causes distress to one or other child.

One of the children is very easily distracted, so he can be given something else to play with. However, the other child can't be. To make matters worse, he will instantly desire whatever has been used to distract or entertain the other.

To put it succinctly, one child nearly always wants what the other is playing with, not necessarily because its interesting, just that the other child has it. The other child would happily play with just about anything and is only possesive of two or three specific objects.

The issue arises at both children's homes and is not necessarily related to "ownership" of the toys.

The question is, how can we help them play together given this little stumbling block?

There's a lot of advice out there in childcare books and any tips or recommended authors will be gladly received. However, I am hoping we've got a super mom/dad/guardian/carer here who have some hands on experience and tips.

I'm being purposefully vague (I hope) as to which kid has the problem sharing/being distracted, but if knowledge of this is important to resolving the problem, I'll think about divulging.

Question number 13926

bonheur — Wed, 12 Jan 2005 12:10:45 -0800

How much do you pay your nanny? I'm in the process of hiring a regular babysitter for my kids. I've found someone I like, a college student with tons of experience who's really great with my little ones. She'll just be here two mornings a week-- one morning with just my infant and the other morning with my toddler as well. How much should I offer her? What about tips? What else do I need to know? This is in Chicago, but I'm also curious if the going rate varies in different parts of the country/world.

Question number 11712

adampsyche — Fri, 12 Nov 2004 05:33:15 -0800

Anyone ever hired a live-in nanny?