Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with child

Who would you give guardianship to?

Anonymous — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 08:29:02 -0800

Guardianship of minor child. Who would you list? Doing our wills. Who would you list as guardian? Our child is a year old. Here are the profiles of the two options, please forgive me for simplifying their lives in such a way:

Mother's sister:
Early 30s, in a committed lesbian relationship of 2 years (girlfriend is 35ish), owns small 2 bedroom home in a large liberal city. 2 cats, 1 dog.
Pros: Shares social values with child's mother and father. Would put forth tremendous effort to be a good parent (as would her partner, who works with children professionally).
Cons: Does not value education (our attitude: spend as much as possible for good education, provide enriching experiences whenever possible), health (our attitude: exercise and eating well are priorities), global view (our attitude: travel a lot) and political awareness (our attitude: news junkies, politically active) that mother and father do, but isn't on the opposite side of the spectrum - just doesn't value these things as highly as well do.
Somewhat financial irresponsible (not losing her home, but not saving either and has debt). And financially they're not moving up in the world either. She has a steady middle management job. Will probably move up a little in her career, to the best of my knowledge. Her significant other works in the non-profit world and won't likely ever make a lot of money.
They love their adult life. They go out a lot, buy "toys" and have admitted that although they want kids, that'll be hard for them to give up.

Father's sister:
Early 30s. Married to a ~45 year old man from a different culture (this matters). 2 kids: 4 years old and infant. Owns home in huge metropolitan city. Works at an intense job with 12 hour days. Husband does not work. Uses combination of nanny and pre-school for childcare.
Pros: Very financially stable. Smart about saving and limited debt. Also has similar values to us in terms of educational goals, political awareness. She's great overall.
Cons: We don't like husband. He doesn't speak English, which is a barrier for us (and our child). He doesn't work, isn't involved with the children and is just all around bad news. Also her work schedule is tough with 2 kids, much less 3. I wouldn't want to only see my kids for an hour or so at the ends of the day and on weekends, personally and I don't know how she does it.

So, it comes down to a question of financial stability, really. Is jerky husband's jerkiness tolerable considering their financial stability and the fact that they already have kids (I think that going from 2 to 3 would be easier than going from 0 to 1)?

Also, I know that really, the chance of us both perishing in a freak accident is slim, but I think that this would make me feel better.

Anniversary of friend's toddler's death coming up

mrmarley — Sun, 27 Dec 2009 16:42:21 -0800

My friend's two year old daughter passed away suddenly last January. I am planning to send flowers on the anniversary of her passing. But before doing so, I wanted to make sure this is an appropriate gesture to mark the day. If yes- should the flowers be lilies? What kind of lilies? If not lilies, what other flowers are appropriate? If it matters, they live in another state, and I sent a donation to their designated charity on the child's birthday, along with a note. thank you

I’m concerned my son’s nanny may have hit him – how can I tell for sure?

Anonymous — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 08:31:46 -0800

My four year old alleges our new nanny called him, “stupid” and hit him. He is generally a reliable narrator, but he is only four. How do I find out for sure? Apologies in advance for the copious details inside. I apologize in advance that this requires a great deal of set up, and I did search through all of the previous askmes with the keyword “abuse” in them. My username here is consistent across many internet fora, hence the anonymity.

I have two sons, ages 4 and 6. Both my wife and I work full time out of the house, and 6 weeks ago we hired a local nanny who is an undergraduate and originally from our neighborhood. She is pleasant and appears to be caring and contentious (e.g., very good at helping the boys with their homework). This is her first position as a caregiver.

Two days ago my wife told me our 4 year old said he had a “red” lip because the nanny had called him “stupid” and hit him in while they were in the car on the way to pick up my 6 year old (so the 6 year old was not a witness). I would not get a chance to speak to either of them until yesterday. Neither my wife nor I saw any evidence he'd been hit; he looked just fine.

Yesterday I took an early train to arrive home unexpected. My 4 year old was crying and had a very swollen lip and an abrasion on his nose. He told me he fell, and later talking to the nanny and my oldest son (who was in there at the time), it appears that he really did fall while getting out of the car. The nanny’s, and both my oldest and youngest son’s stories about what happened are completely consistent. My oldest was in the car, but did not witness the actual fall (he was getting out of the other side of the car at the time.)

Even more set up (sorry!): I am a commercial intelligence investigator/analyst, a HUMINT practitioner and have advanced qualitative research training (i.e., focus groups). I say this to indicate that I have years of experience eliciting responses without biasing the answers. It’s also to indicate I’m keenly, and in this case horrendously aware, of my limitations in this regard. Especially as children are notoriously difficult to interview.

I’ve talked to both my sons now in a variety of contexts over the last two days. Here’s what I know:

- My youngest’s story of the calling stupid and hitting has remained completely consistent, and he does not appear to have any kind of motive behind telling the story (e.g., getting the nanny in trouble, getting special treatment). He says it was on purpose, she did not “say sorry,” and was in response to him moving his head about too much in the car (something he does)

- My oldest says that the nanny has never been angry with them or raised her voice or in any way told him not to tell his parents anything (this was insanely difficult to get without asking obviously leading questions, but fortunately my 6 year old is highly verbally and analytically gifted.)

- Both my wife and I are 99% convinced that he really did fall out of the car the day after the alleged hitting incident. There was no duplicity in the nanny when I asked about it, both son’s story’s are consistent and plausible, and his injury is consistent with what they described (although it could be consistent with other things too).

- My youngest, the alleged victim, is smart but lags behind a bit on the whole linear time and efficient causality stuff. He is not an unreliable narrator nor is he prone to exaggeration or lying.

So how do I tell what really happened? I will only get one shot to speak to the nanny on this. If she really hit him, that indicates to me that she may have a Jekyll Hyde personality thing going on (she has never appeared to be anything but sweet to us and the boys), which means that if she really did hit him, she’ll just be much more careful to make sure we never find out about it. If she didn’t do it, well, I wouldn’t be surprised if she just walked off the job, which would cause serious problems work-wise for my wife and me. And the last thing in the world I want are some kind of false allegations against an innocent woman and all the implications that entails.

I’m considering talking to her tomorrow (she’s not working today.) Any suggestions at all would be appreciated

Help us have sex again

Anonymous — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 09:40:33 -0800

My luverly wife and I had a baby a few months ago. He's a great little feller. We're now ready, physically, to have sex again but... (possibly NSFW) We haven't had sex in a long time, we pretty much stopped as soon as we found out we were pregnant. Our married sex life has always been quite unhealthy (unlike pre-marriage, which was great - WUWT?) but we love each other and all that and it's not threatening the relationship or anything.

But now we're ready to start again. Except I don't know where to start. Or how to start. My wife is beautiful and wonderful and she can certainly arouse me but the idea of going back to the awkward sex we were having for the year or two preceding the baby isn't exactly appealing.

I want us to do it right this time around and try to either get back to where we were pre-marriage or go somewhere different (if those carefree teenage-like mega-session-rompings aren't capable of being repeated).

Over-disclosure necessary as this is being posted anonymously: I'm game for anything, she's very sensitive and doesn't like much foreplay other than digital stimulation. I would love to get beyond her body issues (she won't let me do oral and any kind of general touching is, apparently, just tickling as far as she's concerned) but I don't know if that's possible. She likes sex, but something went wrong somewhere along the line (probably my fault, directly or indirectly) and I'd like to fix it. Naturally, suggesting that something is wrong and needs to be fixed would probably upset her quite a bit.

Please help. I'd really appreciate it if you could give specific advice (as opposed to "rekindle the romance" or "show her that you care and it's not all about sex".) Especially bearing in mind that we have a wee baby in the house so romantic getaways and things like that are a bit hard. Personal experience would be greatly valued and if you don't want to share here, feel free to write to me at readytohavesexafterbaby@gmail.com

Thanks, in advance.

How often do people change their minds about starting a family?

lilyflower — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 07:39:23 -0800

How often do people change their minds about starting a family? I have heard a lot of anecdotal evidence that people in their twenties say that they don't want to have children, and then reach their thirties and start a family. I have also heard many people saying to those who are ambivalent about children that "they will change their minds."

I would really like to find out if there have been any studies which have tracked people’s opinions on whether they "do want kids" or "do not want kids" and how those opinions may change over the years.

Does anyone know of any studies that have been done which asked people this sort of question?

I would also be interested in stats which consider people changing their mind due to meeting “the one”, men who get convinced by their female partners because now she definitely wants to have a child, and women who change their minds and put it down to “baby fever” or their "biological clock." I am particularly interested in studies which determine what proportion of people who say they don't want kids remain childfree.

I have read lots of threads on AskMefi about people being unsure and asking for advice, people who have answered included those who have become parents and say that they made a good decision, as do those who have remained childfree. Although anecdotes might suggest that "you'll change you're mind" most of the time, without having some idea of the change rate from statistical analysis I am less inclined to accept the premise as one size fits all.

Thank you in advance for your assistance.

My Little Camera

timeistight — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 15:57:36 -0800

Can you recommend a reasonably-priced digital camera for a bright seven-year-old girl? Bonus points if it's available in pink.

Help me prevent my house from hurting this child

reenum — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 06:58:03 -0800

I need to temporarily kid proof my house for a party tomorrow. Any suggestions on how I do this? I'm having a party tomorrow, and one couple was unable to find a sitter. So, they'll be bringing their two and a half year old son with them. I don't mind him coming. I love the kid.

But, I want to make sure my house is safe for the youngster. I'm single and have no kids, so drilling holes and installing baby gates and the like isn't something I want to do.

Are there any temporary measures I can take to make sure the boy doesn't hurt himself while running around my house tomorrow?

Child Custody in Florida

3dd — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 07:23:37 -0800

A friend of a friend wants to get custody of his kids but has no money to hire an attorney. He is trying to find an organization willing to help him out pro-bono. Does anyone knows any of this organizations? The children live in Florida.
I'm clueless. Thanks!

Dealing with a possible growth hormone deficiency

Anonymous — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 20:44:45 -0800

Our son may have growth hormone deficiency. The endocrinologist has recommended some additional testing, and the process sounds terrible. Has your child been through this? Can you tell us how it went? Are there alternatives? Our three year old son is very short for his age (off the bottom of the standard growth charts). After a recent visit to the endocrinologist, it looks like he's going to need additional testing. The testing methodology sounds gruelling -- no food after midnight through the duration of the test, which will start early in the morning and last around six hours. That's six hours with an IV and his arm immobilized. But wait, there's more! If he is diagnosed with growth hormone deficiency, he's apparently in for a regimen of daily injections. Every time I think about this I get upset. He's only three!

Have you had to shepherd a child through this diagnosis? Can you offer any tips for making the processing as bearable as possible? Are there any alternatives that the doctor hasn't mentioned?

Obviously the diagnosis is important. If he does have an actual deficiency it could have a significant impact on his health. I'm just afraid of traumatizing the little guy. Thanks for your help!

At what age do kids go to school?

wilful — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 19:11:04 -0800

what do developmental studies tell us about school entry ages? Should my son go to kinder next year? In my State the age entry cut off is 30 April. My son is born in early March, and it was suggested he shouldn't go to kinder next year, he may be too young. This was by a kinder teacher (who's never met my son, is making a general observation).

So I would like to know what the general belief is from other parts of the world, particularly based on research, about school entry ages. Obviously my son is different and every child should be assessed on their own merits, so I'm happy to hear anecdotes as well.

Calculating forward, if my son goes to kinder next year, he would do year 12 as a 17 y.o.. Pretty much the age I did it, and I never felt I was young for my cohort. Has there been a recent change of heart? Based on evidence?

I want to give money to kids. In the Future!

rmd1023 — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 12:23:07 -0800

I want to give money to relative's children so that they can use it when they're older. How best to do this? Some of my relatives are having kids, and I'd like to give the kids money. (I'm in the USA.) The oldest of the kids is 5; the youngest (so far) is -3 mos.

The parents all have 529 plans for the kids, but I'd rather not put the money there as 529's are limited to college/educational expenses. I want the kid to be able to spend the money on a shitbox car when they turn 17 or to be able to hike the AT the summer after high school or to buy expensive tools and a worktruck if they eschew college and go into the trades. And have the money in the kid's name, so they can decide for themselves how to use it.

Savings bonds are traditional (and what I've given in the past) but not necessarily as profitable as other financial instruments, and in the case of the oldest child, he'd mature before any new bonds. Are there other bearer instruments? Would non-bearer instruments be done as a UGMA? Should I just buy it in the child's name? How does this all work?

I assume that setting up some kind of "Fund RMD's extended family" trust fund would be excessive for the amounts of money we're talking (several hundred $$ per year per kid), but maybe not?

There have been other questions about investing for kids, but it looks like it's mostly asked by people who are parents rather than great-aunts. Thanks, hive mind!

When they're old enough, I would, of course, buy mefi memberships for them as an investment in AWESOME.

family law question re: NJ

infostud — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 20:49:29 -0800

What happens when a baby is born in jail in New Jersey? What departments/agencies are automatically involved? We are looking to get legal guardianship of a sister's soon-to-be-born child while she is in jail and need to know what agencies we should be dealing with beforehand.

How to get on track to make major life decisions with the best outcome for me and my son?

stormpooper — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 08:16:29 -0800

Major life decisions thrown my way. Feeling totally inept at making a good decision. Any ideas on how to sort it out and get on track? All at once three major decisions have been thrown my way since the birth of our son.
1. my mother has terminal cancer and my father has a history of major cardiac issues. Essentially their time is almost up (esp. my mom). They have to update their will/trust but are calling me daily on how to word it since they hate (and that is describing it lightly) my husband and don't want him to get the money and what to know what I'm doing about my future with him. They are caught on the beneficiaries (me and my son and maybe future children?) and I just don't know how to answer it because of issue #2.

2. I'm in limbo on what to do with my marriage. We have a 10 month old son who is our whole life. But since his birth, it is like I had an eye opening experience. My husband and I don't have a real partnership and/or future together. I am the only one saving for a 401k, savings, managing bills, etc. but can do little else because he doesn't make enough with his own business to participate but he also doesn't try or think about ways to improve it.

Same goes with a college fund for our son. I figured to transfer his formula expense over to a college fund when he's done eating formula. My husband doesn't think of those things.

His business is not thriving very well and the income fluctuates way too much. It's not like he isn't trying but you can't make people buy and you can't make people pay an invoice on time. He spits profits with partners and is going back and forth about going on his own.

My point is that his business has had huge ups ad downs for 8 years and now we have a child and I want him to get a regular job (keep his business on the side). He won't. Get a 2nd job. He won't. Sell some luxuries we really don't need. He won't. Let's talk about our future and how to get things in line so we have one (we're nearly 40 for Christ's sake). He won't.

In short I hear that I stress him out. In an attempt to reach out I outlined my feelings in an email to him and he said he disagrees with everything I outlined (like the points above). He gets very defensive and all I hear is everything is my fault/making mountains out of moehills. The final straw is I'm begging him to go to marriage therapy since me going alone is stupid and pointless. He feels that therapy only goes in circles and causes fights. My therapist is very anti-divorce and sees it as a worse scenario for me and my son.

I don't know what to do. He can be amazingly supportive, caring, loving, fun, etc. But the practical side aligning with my wants and beliefs aren't matching up at all and I, and many of my friends/parents/his parents/siblings feel he will NEVER change (let's live life like a partner and create a solid future instead of this circling day to day, paycheck to paycheck crap).

Divorce is expensive (I make more), scary, and a huge hassle esp. with a son involved. I'm scared and confused. I don't want to scar my son since I worry about making sure we both remain adults in handling his care. (I am more level headed but he knows how to push my buttons). It breaks my heart that I"m trying to make a better life for everyone yet if I divorce, I have to split birthdays/holidays/time with my son.

And to create a future for myself? I feel I can't fix our problems--financially, romantically, etc. How the hell am I going to do it on our own? How can I raise an emotionally healthy child who has a solid, determined, good future away from drugs, picking the right crowd, throwing tantrums, going to college, experience life abroad, getting a good job, etc?

And if I chose such a husband who we always had big ups and downs with, who will be the next person I choose? I'm terrified of picking someone with a gambling problem, an abuser, a drug addict, someone else who has no goals, etc.

I just feel I can't make these decisions yet I have to. My parents' inheritance is the only guarantee for a future for me and our son--in a marriage or alone. Yet my husband has always been incredibly dumb with money and pushes me into really bad financial decisions (HELOC where we had to refi with a cash out!) and never thinks ahead. They've been discussing to give it all to my son and that leaves me out of any retirement or even buying a house if I did divorce.

3. Who would you recommend seeing to get daily financial advice from. For example, I need someone to help me set a financial budget for daily life and how to achieve life goals like retirement, paying off credit cards, contributing to college, paying off my home, etc. A CPA? My Fidelity investment manager can't answer our financial budget "this is how you need to live life daily and for x amount of years". He just said "you need an emergency fund first." Um no shit. How do I get there when we have major bills and it feels like pay check to pay check?

Where do I start on figuring out point A-Z with the best outcome? Therapy isn't helping jack. My parents are dying and were never a good example to follow in marriage advice (they live in a very abusive/dysfunctional relationship).

I just feel like I'm in my late 30s with a son, married yet doing everything alone and wrong.

Very sorry for the length of this but appreciate some advice.

Richard Scarry's Sausage Pig

stefnet — Sun, 06 Sep 2009 17:32:55 -0800

This should be pretty easy... Does anyone remember which book of Richard Scarry's had an illustration of what I think was a pig holding a big sausage on a fork? We are going through old childhood books and the vision of that image is driving me nuts and I need to see it again.

Hiring a nanny, need info?

silsurf — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 13:33:59 -0800

I am hiring a nanny for my 7 year old, what to consider? I am looking for a nanny/care-person for my 7 year old. I realized that the woman who cleans my house might be perfect for the job.

I have known her and her sister for many years and feel confident that she is a trustworthy person.

She is Hispanic and lives in Los Angeles. I feel the obvious things are her driving record, insurance and her immigration status.

But, I would like some guidance on what else I need to discover before committing to the offer to hire her.

Her duties will include picking up my son from school, possibly taking him to after school classes and general at home companionship.

Thanks for the hives thoughts.

Henry

My ex-wife's boyfriend wants to try to claim my son on his taxes... is this legal?

MMALR — Wed, 19 Aug 2009 13:15:57 -0800

My ex-wife's boyfriend wants to try to claim my son on his taxes... is this legal? Here's the situation, and I've read over the IRS site, but I'm a bit confused.

I have joint custody of my two year old son. We have agreed to alternate years in which we can claim our son on our taxes, so I claimed him in 2008 while she will do so in 2009.

As far as residency, she's the custodial parent and I'm the non-custodial parent, but I have him 50% of the time exactly. Equal time for both of us. I pay the same expenses, 50% of the child care, and 50% of his medical insurance on her plan.

Is it legal for him to actually claim my son during her alternate year in order to receive a bigger payoff because he makes less money?

From the reading at the IRS site, she would have to be married to him in order for my son to pass the Relationship Test.

Help for a child with compulsions

serazin — Sat, 08 Aug 2009 15:42:56 -0800

A child I know and love appears to have behaviors consistent with OCD. I'd love to hear your personal experiences with treating or adapting to this condition/way of being. I'm not looking for diagnostic advice - this child is in the process of receiving evaluations from an MD and a psychologist (although if you have advice for specific questions that should be asked in these evaluations, that kind of suggestion is welcome). I am interested in hearing from folks who either have this condition, have always suspected they have this condition, or are close to people who do, and hearing your stories. Specifically, what support did you or would you have found helpful.

Thank you!

Sydney and Melbourne with a baby?

k8t — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 22:36:34 -0800

Sydney and Melbourne with a 10-month-old in September. Any suggestions? We're taking advantage of the cheap travel to AU from the US and taking our little family on a trip to Sydney and Melbourne. I haven't been in 15 years, SO has never been. 4 days in each city. (Hotel in Sydney: Menzies Hotel and hotel in Melbourne: Swanston Hotel Melbourne Grand Mercure to give you a sense of location.)

Any baby-friendly suggestions for activities and dining? Thankfully the baby is good natured and is pretty tolerant of museums and the like.

SO is into nature and photography. I like food, funky markets and interesting cultural stuff (ethnic neighborhoods, for example). Baby is into playgrounds.

We have a bunch of travel books and sites, but personal recommendations are great.
TIA!

Friends don't stress friends out!

Anonymous — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 12:49:39 -0800

How do you extricate yourself from a family-oriented friendship? Very long and pathetic story to follow. About eighteen months ago, my child became friendly with a classmate. We hosted a play date that went swimmingly well. I liked the Mom quite a bit. This led to a reciprocated play date at their house, where we eventually ended up becoming family friends – Dads enjoyed each other’s company, kids played nice, Moms hung out. All was good. I thought it was great that we all were nice new friends. In fact, we spent the majority of the summer together, and even did holidays at each other’s houses.

Well, as my friendship with the new Mom evolved, she started to confide in me that she was involved in a long-established affair with another married male (who also had kids), and had long ago kind of checked out on her marriage. In fact, she actually hated her husband. Now mind you, our kids are now absolute buddies, and talk about each other endlessly and go to school together five days a week in the same class. I was kind of OK with just being aware of the situation, but as time went on, the volunteering of information became, well, a little TMI. The wheres, the whens, the hows. It was mentioned to me that there was a pregnancy scare and Plan B was involved. When I kind of brought up the What the FUCK?! Factor, as in, don’t you have enough going on? She said that they (she and her, uh, paramour?) discussed the thought of having a baby together and liked the idea, but then freaked when the possibility became a reality and bailed. TWICE. When I asked what would happen should the Plan B not work, how would she deal with the fact that she wasn’t sleeping with her spouse (except for the occasional mercy fuck) yet somehow get pregnant? She said that her husband wouldn't be smart enough to figure it out. (She is forever talking shit about him/his intelligence, etc.)

I tried to remain outside of the circle, especially since her husband happens to be a really nice guy. He apparently was aware that she had fooled around on him at one point, but was under the impression that it had ended a while back (to date, it’s now been about three years running). I also asked why they don’t just get a divorce; she sighted financial reasons, and also claimed that for all his faults, her husband is, in fact, a good father. They supposedly attempted counseling, though I never heard more about that after one or two tries.

Her child left the school to go on to a different district last year, so that kind of helped separate the situation. Still the kids missed each other, and I would regularly get calls and emails asking for play dates. I would kind of blow them off, or we would end up rescheduling. The few times we did get together, the conversation was kept very basic. My child regularly talked about how much she missed her friend, and would beg me to call the Mom and see when we could get together (this still happens pretty frequently). I try and change the topic, not really giving an answer, or say that everybody's busy the next few weekends, not really knowing how to explain the situation.

We went for about four or five months without communicating and I suddenly got a call about two weeks ago. It was a really bad time for me to talk and I never returned the call or sent an email.

And now to convolute the story further, her husband found me on FB this morning, wanting to know how I’ve been, and what’s been going on. Inevitably, he’s going to ask why I haven’t been around and what’s the story. It kills me to know what is going on, yet I feel I have no right (nor do I have any intention) to tell him.

How am I supposed to explain to my kid that I cut off our relationship with this family because of this person’s scruples?

Throwaway email: harriedparent@gmail.com

Help me help her help him

jacquilynne — Sun, 26 Jul 2009 10:23:46 -0800

What's the best way for a non-computer oriented person to tap into the blogosphere support network for help with her ADHD child? During my aquafit class this morning, my instructor and I were talking about computer things and blogs, and though she's a little afraid of computers, she seemed interested in the idea of being able to blog about her life with her ADHD and behaviourally challenged son, and get support from other parents with similarly challenging children.

I'd like to help her do that, and while I can handle the technical end of things (getting her set up with her own blog on Blogger or WordPress) easily enough, I don't know where to point her to get other ADHD Moms reading her blog and offering support, or which blogs she might want to read.

I could google, obviously, and find some ADHD resources, but I'm really looking for personal recommendations of blogs or blog networks or social networking sites that have helped you if you're the parent of an ADHD child.

Someone reassure me that I will indeed get joint custody....

Anonymous — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 11:15:20 -0800

Someone reassure me that I will indeed get joint custody.... I divorced in late 2004; I have weekend/holiday visitation and joint legal custody with my two school-aged children thanks to a 2005 court order; nowadays Mom lives an hour away. Recently, my fiancee and I decided to buy a home and move closer to the kids in order to increase our visitation (I'm looking for a 50/50 split). In the latest petition for modification dated May of this year, I stated that the closing on our new home was expected to be around June 30th. Well, my trial was today (July 20th)...and we're not in the house yet. We have the commitment letter, but no closing date. The Judge was EXTREMELY amenable and helped both parties along (we're both Pro Se); we had an hour long trial, many issues were commented on and explained, etc. (To clarify...neither of us are felons, child abusers, etc. In fact, we're both certified Foster Parents. She seems to be bitter, and never agrees to mediation, however; hence the court appearance.)Essentially, nothing major happened....until closing statements. the Law Guardian, who was relatively quiet until this time, decided to comment that since we haven't actually moved yet, there's not a change of circumstances and therefore the petition should be dismissed. The Judge, after some gentle leading, decided to dismiss my case without prejudice; and commented that I can refile when I've moved in the new house, and then get a temporary order until my new trial date. All in all, I felt certain that I did well, but now I'm a nervous wreck because I expected to have the order amended today.
How do I prove to the court that a 50/50 split between parents is in the best interests of my children? Did simply moving closer clinch it? Would a (seemingly) sympathetic Judge agree in principle, but be forbidden to grant the change based on some legal precedent I'm not aware of?
I'm just looking for someone who may have had something like this happen to them to give me a pat on the back and say "it'll be alright." If you can, thanks.

early onset psychedelicization

philip-random — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 08:11:21 -0800

What's it like to trip on LSD (or other psychedelics) while still just a child (say no older than 13 or 14)? No, don't worry, I'm not considering dosing my annoying nephew. The question is relevant to a screenplay I'm doing some work on wherein three 12 year old boys get dosed by mistake ... and well, what would happen?

I found out that I might be a father when I got served papers for child support... now what?

Anonymous — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 08:11:55 -0800

I found out that I might be a father when I got served papers for child support... now what? So here is my current situation. I have been divorced for 2 years. Ex-wife move to the east coast and I am currently living in Colorado as an underpaid doctoral grad student. I got served paternity action papers a week ago informing me that my wife had a child 7 months after we filled the papers for divorce. While I am angry that she lied to both me and the courts that she wasn't pregnant at the time(divorce papers state that she isn't expecting a child ect), I realize that now is not the time to get overly emotional about the fact that I was never even given the chance to see my child.

I know I need to first figure out if it really is my child (we got divorced due to my wifes infidelity), so I am going for a genetic test. But after that I really don't know what steps to take. Financially the baby is taken care of. My ex-wife's mother (who is extremely wealthy) is thrilled to have a grandson to take spend money on. Thrilled enough to call me and say that if I try to get any rights to see the child she will make it her personal hobby and the job of her lawyers to make my life miserable until I stop showing up and give up all my rights.

As for me being a part of my child's life... I really want to be there but I don't have the money to fly out there/move out there and my ex-wife's mother made it crystal clear that she wants to force me to be just a paycheck for her child and her grandchild.

I know your not my lawyer but I don't have enough money to get one nor am I poor enough (I am below the poverty line, just not below it enough) to qualify for free legal aid. So here are my questions:

1) What do you think I can do to make sure I have the right to see my child smile on her birthdays and watch her grow up? Legally I have no clue how I will be treated by the courts (I assume that nothing will be in my favor) nor do I have any idea how to effectively stop my ex-wife's mother from harassing me in the future.

2) One of my main fear is that my child support payments will be calculate based on what I am capable of making, not how much my grad school stipend is. Does this happen often? (I think ex-wife's mother will push for something like this).

3) What will fuck me over in the future? Ie what do you think I should be aware about, or something someone wish they would tell you before going through a process like this?

My throw away email address is ytrewq7890@gmail.com. Thanks in advance.

Investing for kid's future

Blackwatch — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 04:59:35 -0800

UK finance question: Just become a dad. What's the most beneficial way to invest a small four-figure lump sum, plus all of my child's Child Benefit for the next 18 years? Want money to earn as much as possible, with the hope it'll pay for his education in 18 years' time.
Please keep answers simple - I'm new to this game!

Thanks a lot.

Why do I suddenly want a child?

thankyouforyourconsideration — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 02:54:58 -0800

I've always felt I didn't want/shouldn't have babies. Lately, (I'm 25) I've been having strong thoughts (and dreams) that I really want a child. It's scaring me a bit. Some friends have told me it might be normal at this age. Please help me understand or share your experiences. I've always been the kind of girl who thought she might never want or have kids. I enjoy that I can be selfish, I like to sleep, I live my life how I want. I have a maternal instinct with friends and family, and they know it but I always thought I was too much of a control freak to raise a kid.
I don't have or really want a boyfriend, let alone a baby's daddy, but lately I have a really, really strong desire for a child. It seems to have come out of nowhere. I've never felt anything like this and I'm scared of these feelings/hormones/emotions. Could this just be a temporary hormonal thing? I thought the biological clock started ticking closer to late thirties- am I just fertile right now?

Any anecdotes, advice or understanding would be greatly appreciated as I don't understand what is happening to me.

One last note...The idea of being pregnant or giving birth is not appealing at all, but the mother idea is. I've had dreams about taking care of other people's kids and met a single dad recently who I found myself very attracted to. I thought that helping him raise his child would be really wonderful. This all feels foreign and scary, please help me understand!! Thanks!