Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with charisma

What is charisma?

decoherence — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 07:46:50 -0800

What are the qualities of the most charismatic or magnetic person you know? I'm interested in charisma. By this, I don't necessarily mean the attention-commanding, showy, "life of the party" sort, who always has a story or joke to tell. But rather, people who are genuinely, effortlessly likeable or magnetic, who both men and women seek to be around, and whose presence always enhances any occasion.

A good friend of mine fits the above description. He's instantly likeable, and while he's often not the center of attention in a group, his presence is always felt, and people are always seeking to have him around. But he has no single, standout quality that obviously makes him this way. He's not a great storyteller, and he isn't particularly funny. And while he's exceedingly bright, he doesn't often let this show in conversation, except in subtle and very natural ways. As best I can tell, the things that make him so charismatic are 1). He's very good-looking, in an all-American, non-threatening way; 2). He projects utter self-assuredness and confidence, in a weird way that somehow manages to straddle the line between modesty and arrogance; and 3). He's nice to people he meets and unfailingly polite, while often employing flattery in fairly subtle ways. I think the combination of someone who so obviously has it "together," but who also comes across as a good person who takes an interest in everyone he encounters, is what draws people to him.

Anyway, I'd be interested in hearing what the qualities are that make the most charismatic person you know the way they are. I'd also like to know whether you've ever tried to emulate these yourself, and what kinds of success you've had. Is charisma something that can be "improved" upon?

Why/how do people cultivate mystique through Facebook profiles?

GIMG — Wed, 25 Feb 2009 08:53:40 -0800

Why/how do people cultivate mystique through Facebook profiles? So I see a lot of profiles on Facebook, MySpace, etc. that have aspects that I don't seem to communicate much of anything at all to me. For instance, here are a couple responses to "Religion" on Facebook:

*it's not as bleak as it seems (death-bed conversion)
*Rainbow Hearts, The Slicer
*Historical Materialism? Doesn't matter, all the cool kids are in hell.

My question is why? It seems like this phenomenon could be (a) obscure references to people 'in the know'; (b) simply an attempt to be unique; (c) a subversion of the identity that the profile format ascribes; or, what I'm interested in, (d) mystification of the self, i.e. attempting to NOT be understood as a way to cultivate mystique.

Obscure references could accomplish this - but there is obscurity for the purposes of signaling to the elite and there is obscurity solely to not be understood.

How do I stop judging people?

abdulf — Sat, 27 Sep 2008 07:24:47 -0800

How do I stop judging people and relate to them as equals? I noticed the people I really admire are those who are respected by a diverse group of people.

I suppose they have charisma. They're usually confident, polite, good listeners. They make the people they talk to feel important. They give compliments that feel sincere. However, they also have an ability to relate to people I wouldn't imagine being in their social circles.

They aren't particularly wealthy, smart, beautiful or powerful. They seem to be comfortable with everyone. It's like they talk to a complete stranger and they've known them for years. Perhaps they would be great politicians but lack the interest for that kind of work.

Anyway, I would like to be this kind of person. I think it would make for a more interesting and fulfilling life, to be able to connect better with more people.

I've been able to do this when traveling. I think it's because I was an outsider and I didn't know the rules of the society and the usual cues were not there. I talked to everyone and everyone talked to me. I was also interested in people because it was another culture.

However, back at home, in the US, I have trouble continuing this.

I know I have this issue where I judge people and that subtly works into how I relate to people. For example, I have a graduate degree, and some part of my brain ranks me as being better than someone with less education. I have friends with just a high school education but even they admit that in first impressions, I gave off a vibe that I was better than them. (see what I did there? "just" a high school education. I gotta stop!) Another example is money. I claim that money doesn't matter, but I feel like I'm more interested in the person driving a Mercedes than someone who pulls up in a Honda. At the same time, I loathe the person in the Mercedes for conspicuous consumption while admiring the Honda driver for practicality. But why can't I seem to ignore the car they drive?

I know prejudice and stereotyping helps us survive, but I'm not sure these are the kinds of prejudices that are helpful.

So I need to work on these first impressions. I find people interesting, but these judgments are causing me to give off subtle cues that make people feel less trusting or less likely to reciprocate. In other words, when I talk to someone, I'm coming to them as someone above them or someone below them.

It's hard to say what I am specifically doing to convey this. I know I'm the kind of person that has to believe in something to portray it convincingly. So what can a relatively ambitious person read, think about or do on a daily basis to eliminate or better control these judging thoughts?

How do I combat these, materialistic (for the lack of a better word), prejudices that impair my current and potential relationships?

How do I stop thinking I'm better or worse than other people so that I can get along with different people?

(note: I'm not worried about people judging me. Well I am, sorta, but there are metafilter posts on that. I'm concerned with my judgment of others)

What defines sophistication?

amfea — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 16:01:01 -0800

What exact characteristic(s) make someone appear polished and sophisticated? Actors, executives and politicians often seem so polished and sophisticated compared to "regular people." What exactly is it that makes them give off that vibe?

It's not necessarily because we know they're famous, rich, or powerful. I pick up the same sense around people I just met, before realizing that they are famous, rich, or powerful. Not all famous, rich, or powerful people have it either. For example, Pierce Brosnan has it, but Roseanne Barr doesn't. Barack Obama has it, but George Bush doesn't.

It must be something in the way they dress, or speak, or carry themselves. But what?

Boost My Charisma Score

kaizen — Wed, 01 Aug 2007 04:26:35 -0800

What are some of your favorite interpersonal tricks and techniques. I am trying to be a little more engaging in my interpersonal relationships. Bascially, I want to up my charisma quotient. Answers to this question would be along the lines of stuff found in a Dale Carnegie book, like saying a person's name during conversation, keeping up correspondence ( letters, emails, x-mas cards ), etc. etc. Lyndon Johnson used to grab people by the lapel while talking to them for effect. Benjamin Franklin said, "He that has once done you a kindness will be more ready to do you another than he whom you yourself have obliged." What things have you seen others do that seem to have a positive effect on other people?

Aimless

Anonymous — Wed, 29 Dec 2004 21:42:33 -0800

I'm a 35 year old male and am smart, single and fit but find myself feeling like time is running out. Perhaps too smart; I have a high IQ, whatever that is worth, but am not a college graduate and I find I still have a bit of a complex about this despite having been gainfully white collar employed for most of my adult life. I never started college and wouldn't even know where to begin. I meet people easily and am told that I am good looking. I was 30 before I realized that I had coasted so far on charisma. With an opportunity to make a life change in the next year what should this American do? Long term and short term answers are all welcome and travel is a possibility if your answer deems it necessary.