Ask MetaFilter posts tagged with casual

Casual relationships in high school?

LSK — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 19:35:14 -0800

Casual relationships in high school? (I originally posted this on Yahoo Answers before realizing that this was far, far beyond the ability of a typical YA denizen to answer.)

I'm starting the next year of my high school this Tuesday. There's a girl who I talked with a lot during the last week of last year, and I think I'd be interested in engaging her in a casual relationship. I don't think I'm ready for a girlfriend, and I don't think she's the person I'd want to have for a permanent girlfriend, but I wish to engage in sexual exploration, and she seems open-minded enough to be willing to participate in that.

(Well, yeah, this basically is a description of a friend-with-benefits.)

This, then, is the question:

How does one introduce a suggestion to engage in a casual relationship? Is there a good, slightly more concise and less rude way to say, "Hi, I like you as a person, but I don't want to have you as a girlfriend, but I would like to explore myself sexually through you, and I think that you'd like to help both of us learn about ourselves."

Best general discussion forums?

isoman2kx — Sat, 23 Aug 2008 12:18:26 -0800

Best general discussion forums? I've been looking for some places to add to my daily reading lists like for news, jokes, debates, etc.

Popurls.com is probably the single greatest site of all time as well as cracked.com. However, I am now looking for sites where you can just shoot the shit about anything.

I've been a semi-fan of the immature everything/nothing forum on ebaumsworld.com. I want a forum that has the kind of variety of topics they have in there, but a LITTLE bit more mature, lol.

Can anyone recommend similar forums? The only requirement I'd say is that they actually get replies and there's not like 2 replies fro the most popular thread on there.

-Travis

Fun activities for a couple at home

the_dude — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 07:35:25 -0800

RelationshipFilter: Help me find some good time activities to do at home with a prospective girl friend. Although I'm not very young, I didn't have many relationships -and you can read the gory details of a previous on on ask.MeFi- in the past and I'm a bit inexperienced in this field.

I've been getting pretty close with this girl recently. She's very relaxed, fun and cool in general. She seems to be interested in me as well but is trying to take things slow.

Nevertheless, being the summer, there's not much to do here. She mentioned just going to my place to chill. That's where the problem starts.

My place is pretty dull and bland; a classic urban lonely guy's apartment if you ask me. I've lived in dorms for the past 8 years of my life; I'm more comfortable when I'm either alone or just with lots of people. I rarely spend any quality time at home; I either read or surf while I'm at home.

What I'm worried about is if I invite her to my place; it just might be awkward. Would hive mind recommend some activities for just two people? Any cool games for the Wii or PS3 that's *casually* fun? Board games? It might not be the case and we can just talk for hours as we do most of the time but a few ideas would not hurt.

Thanks everyone in advance. I've always been critical of such questions since it reflects a sense of insecurity but I think hive mind is friendly enough to embrace me as I'm.

How do normal people go about finding casual sex?

Anonymous — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 07:16:43 -0800

How do normal people go about finding casual sex? For someone who thinks that taking advantage of drunk girls in clubs is immoral and adult match-making websites are scams or dangerous, is there any outlet to meet nice (albeit frisky!) gentlemen and ladies? I'm an easy-going and friendly guy, but I have no idea how to broach the topic with single female friends, lest I scare them or have them consider me a deviant! How do I go about meeting (or finding) friendly, open-minded people who are open to the idea of casual (but fully consensual, not alcohol-fuelled) sex?

I'm not averse to the idea of developing friendships with such open-minded people, but I have no idea regarding the etiquette involved.

I'm a young, male university student in Melbourne, Australia who spends way too much time pontificating on societal hang-ups, if that matters. Throwaway email for the discreet/propositions: casualsexaus@gmail.com

Men's casual rings in NYC?

The Dutchman — Mon, 12 May 2008 12:15:12 -0800

I'm looking for a men's thumb ring in the NYC area. I've never had a ring before, so I'm looking for something inexpensive, simple and casual to see if I like it first. Inexpensive is definitely under $50, preferably around $20. There's a lot of simple stuff I like here, but I'd really like to go somewhere I can get sized and try a bunch on in person.

Help a guy tweak his summer wardrobe.

boots77 — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 16:13:30 -0800

Guy fashion question: I need a new summer look...what's in? I'm a normal guy, normal build, normal height. Help me find clothes that might give me options to dress casually for the summer. The big store ads show guys looking too modelish, as in "A real-live guy would never wear that." I know this question is vague, but I'm open to any suggestion that you think would look pretty cool and casual on a guy for the summer. Not that it matters that much, but in terms of choosing colors, I have somewhat of a natural tan.

Trials of a Responsible Hedonist

Anonymous — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 13:11:11 -0800

Peripatetic, endearingly-awkward geek seeks amazing advice for casual sex shenanigans. I recently completed my first serious relationship, a year-long cohabitation. It ended, in large part because I'm just not ready to settle down - I'm young (24), and I've still got an itch to scratch (although this former girlfriend is still one of my dearest friends in the world). I travel from job to job, from oceanography in the Pacific Ocean to (as of March) a stint in Japan. This wanderlust is the bee's knees, but does not provide the foundation for serious romantic roots.

So I come to you, hive mind, to bestow me with your collective wisdom on casual sex mojo.

I am not a total novice in this arena. Of the dozen+ women I've been lucky enough to somehow bed, most have been one-nighters with women 5-10 years older than I, and whose ranks have included PhDs, a fetish model or two, and a disproportionate number of redheads. This sounds grand, until you realize that most of this action has been courtesy of: sex parties, and Craigslist.

I know - I know, OK? Not a real source of pride. But what few sex parties I've attended have always been fascinating and hilarious, even though nine times out of ten I ended up reading books (I come prepared) or dancing. My own Craigslist postings - posted here and here for your edification - prompt fan mail, but no real results (the internet is made of flakes).

Yet I have, in fact, approached (hundreds?) of women on subways and city streets (mostly in NYC) to tell them them they're gorgeous, and ask them out on the spot - most are taken, it's never proceeded past a coffee even if they're single, but 99% were grinning a mile-wide even if they said "No." (Perhaps I was too young? At its height, I was 20 or 21). Nevertheless, the abysmal success rate did do a number on my self-confidence. Fact is, I would very much like to meet a lovely lady or two in the flesh, while out on the town, and woo her by virtue of my own merits.

I just have no idea how. Help a man out.

Pros: I am, apparently, quite attractive - I regularly sport pinstripes and a fedora, and I'm informed that pictures of me prompt girly coos (which confuses no one more than me). I have a natural accent - I am often thought to be either British or Eastern European (having lived in both places), despite being born and raised in the States. I read everything I get my hands on, and have wacky tales of adventure to amuse and intrigue. I also tear up the dance floor at clubs.

Cons: I don't drink or frequent bars, depriving me of valuable social lubricant. I am effectively blind to female social cues and come-ons (friends and family have to tell me what I've missed), and I couldn't muster decent innuendo if I tried. And I worry that, at first glance, I'm really quite creepy: I can't manage small talk for the life of me, don't match any standard of hip (no drugs, infinitely obscure interests), and regularly provoke comments about my 'intensity.' I also enjoy treating people like human beings - which, I'm told, does not raucous casual sex make.

Remember: I'm looking for advice, not lectures. For your information, I have never, ever cheated on a girl, and I have never, ever had unprotected sex - despite which, I get tested every six months out of civic responsibility. I am, in fact, a big fan of falling down emotional rabbit holes with brilliant, badass women - but that's simply not what my life allows for right now.

I believe that you should leave your lovers better than you found them. Because this isn't even about sex, really - it's about having fabulous adventures with wonderful people. Just in bed.

What works? What doesn't? What might? I'm at responsiblehedonist@yahoo.com. Thank you in advance. You're all beautiful.

I need another pair of these awesome shoes

special-k — Fri, 30 Nov 2007 15:52:44 -0800

Where can I find this shoe (or something similar)? I bought a pair of Gravis Makani trainers two years ago and I love them. My current pair is wearing out and I'd like to get a new one (black or blue). However, I can't seem to find them on sale anywhere. Not Zappos. Not anywhere. ebay has a few odd pairs but none in my size (10.5).

Does anyone know a place where I could get them online?

If not, do you know of something similar that would be a fun casual pair of everyday shoes?

Thanks!

Cute-casual-comfortable wardrobe for pear-shaped female in wintertime?

eileen — Thu, 18 Oct 2007 20:47:17 -0800

Fashionfilter: Cute-casual-comfortable wardrobe for pear-shaped female in wintertime? My body is a definite pear-shape, lots of junk in the trunk, biggish boobs, with a relatively small waist, and relatively defined arms and legs, about a size 10. This summer I finally found a "look" that worked for me: essentially a combination of casual a-line knee-length skirts, layered fitted tank tops, and flip flops, mixed up with different jewelry and accessories. (Hardly unique, I know!) I won't get into my general ineptitude in choosing clothing, or my body issues, but it was a big deal to me to feel comfortable and cute in my clothes all summer. Like my clothes worked with my body type instead of fighting it.

As winter approaches, I find myself looking at a closet full of jeans and henleys and hoodies. Comfortable for sure, but not very cute. I'm missing that feminine feeling of my summer wardrobe. Plus, jeans and pants just don't seem as flattering on my pear shape (or maybe just not the ones I have?). Oh, and the shoes! It seems like all comfortable winter shoes, or at least the ones I have (Clarks mainly), are just so clunky and mannish.

What would be the equivalent wardrobe for wintertime for a pear shape? If you are a pear, what do you wear in the fall/winter? Does it involve skirts? tights? certain jeans? great accessories? what shoes? My life is super casual, and I walk to just about everything, so ease and comfort are key. I am seriously clueless, so any advice or links would be much appreciated. Don't be afraid to talk down to me. The more specific the better (for example "accentuate your waist" sounds logical, but I just don't know what that translates to as far as what to buy.) I'm generally frugal, but don't mind going spendy on key pieces where quality is important. Items available online would be awesome as going shopping is a somewhat overwhelming and traumatic experience for me. I can't believe I just wrote so much about clothes...thanks for any advice you can give! :)

Community-Driven Replacement for Adult Friend Finder?

Anonymous — Fri, 12 Oct 2007 12:42:14 -0800

Is there a website (preferably free of charge and community-driven) where people go to safely arrange one-night and/or casual hookups? It occurred to me that there's got to be something like this out there; the Internet populace's seemingly created community-driven free alternatives to every other spam-laden product out there, and usually done it one better, so it probably already has already come up with a better alternative to superspammed sites like Adult Friend Finder.

I'd like to hook up with someone. I'm sure that out there, there's someone who'd like to hook up with me.

Surely there's got to be a open-source/Web 2.0/community site out there to bring us two horny lovebirds together in a crazy world like this.

[Before anyone suggests the perennial MeFi fave of OKCupid — great site, I agree — I point out there's no way to search for "casual partners only", etc. on it. And I think Craigslist sites have a bit too many "for-pay" scenarios even in those forums where said scenarios shouldn't be — and I'm not seeking illegality, I'm seeking fling-based matching.]

The right trousers?

MrC — Mon, 28 May 2007 01:51:25 -0800

'Smart casual' trousers, what alternatives are there for men? I'm in search of some 'smart casual' (I hate that phrase, but can't think of a better one) trousers for work wear other than khakis/chinos etc... would prefer something a bit more fashionable, that can also be worn in a hot climate. Any suggestions of what & where to go for them???

Just a fool in love?

Anonymous — Tue, 08 May 2007 21:21:04 -0800

Just found out that my long time love is a daily phone sex participant and while away on a business/pleasure trip (staying with friends whom I spoke with on the phone) is posting and responding to online "casual sex" posts for both men and women. I don't know if meetings occured. Our sex life is terrific (we're both straight; maybe bi-curious?) emotionally, spiritually, and intellectually we're right on and totally the love of each other's life; we're committed to being together 'till death do us part'; can this behavior be curiosity, stupidity, boredom, ego boosting, checking out what is out there? I'm stumped and unbelievably hurt. I don't want to overreact, but right now I'm not sure what to do. Suggestions? Ideas?

Spring Restlessness: Not Sure How to Follow Through

Anonymous — Fri, 09 Mar 2007 19:39:38 -0800

Where -- in South Central Wisconsin -- are the best places to hang out, if you are a divorced, middle age, overweight, woman who recently decided to proactively search for short term companionship? My last long term relationship ended ten years ago. The last time I had sex was probably over five years ago. I know that looking for causal sex is a high risk activity. But there has got to be a strategy for increasing the odds of at least being presented with the opportunity.

Over the last several years it is becoming more and more difficult for me to ignore my desire for sex (with a partner). As Spring approaches this year, I am feeling very restless. I am wondering if getting some would at least remove my ever growing fear that I may never have sex again. I spend a lot of time wondering about my human touch deficiency, and what that means in relation to wholelistic health.

I am 44 years old and I have no real social life. I spend all my free time playing on my computer or watching TV and movies. Although, I do occasionally attend workshops, lectures, or classes; and I work out at a health club several times a week. I recently started attending church again. The problem is that none of the places that I frequent, offer the opportunity to find casual friends. Yet, in truth, I really don't want to find casual friends in the places I currently go. I suppose a big problem is that I hate bars and hate smoke… and avoiding bars severely reduces the chance of meeting men, who, uh, would consider me attractive.

I have a profile on Yahoo! Personals. I read craigslist. But that's not exactly what I want. It's way too much work, and scary, to post or answer ads. I'd like to skip all the emailing and exchanging photos. I want to be somewhere to meet people in person.

What I'd like to know is where are the safe places to go that I might get "hit on." Or, how does a woman -- who is clueless about such worldly matters -- research the process of hiring a professional? Is ignoring my fears and desires perhaps the better course of action?

All I need is the air that I breathe, and to love you. And you. And you...

mykescipark — Wed, 06 Dec 2006 00:26:28 -0800

Help me master the fine art of hooking up. (M4M, but all answers welcome.) So, I'm a relatively young gay fella who's got a few life changes in store. (Just out of a relationship that wasn't working; moving to a new city next year; celebrating the turn of a decade). I'm excited and optimistic about the future and feel more confident, centered, and content than at any point in my turbulent twenties. I'd like to put some of this joie de vivre to good use in my intimate life. Given the aforementioned move (and the resultant need for string-free engagements), I'd like to ask for your advice on how to square a fun and healthy sex life with the knowledge that I'm going to be packing up in the near-future.

Up until now, I've always slept with people for whom I've had some deeper affinity - shared tastes, interests, values, etc - or with whom I might have otherwise considered a more serious relationship. This is a healthy trend on the one hand, but the new circumstances require an internal paradigm shift that I haven't fully mastered. The operating rules of hooking-up require more objectification and lack of emotional/psychological investment than I'm used to. Although I'm perfectly capable of finding new partners, I still occasionally find myself with the lingering feeling of "hmm, it would be nice if that happened again with that particular person."

So, MeFites, your best advice on hooking up with impunity for a (relative) newbie? How have you modified your emotional habits to accommodate hooking up during those periods of relationship downtime? Can you suggest any new ways of thinking about it that will enable me to free up and enjoy the experience for what it is? I'd like to enjoy the privilege of my youthful looks (and the variety of options provided thereof) while I can.

Other issues get folded into this, of course -- like the no-compromises necessity of safe sex and the need to communicate with hook-up partners about limits, boundaries, and intentions -- but I want to focus on the internal aspects of the question and not the interpersonal ones. (Yet.)

Casual Interview?

|n$eCur3 — Fri, 28 Jul 2006 12:54:17 -0800

About one month ago, I had a phone interview for a position at a company based in a Seattle (I live in CA). Though I did not get the job, a mutual fit was evident with the only exception being that I do not have the desired management experience. Next week I will be on vacation in Seattle and I initiated a "casual chat" meeting with my contact at his office. How should I handle the meeting given that his company aligns fairly closely with my "dream employer" scenario? A subtle yet important detail is that... the company is opening a satellite office in my city, but I am willing to move to Seattle yesterday if it means that I can work there.

Knowing that there is a fine line between persistence and desperation, should I be willing to admit that I would want to relocated to Seattle, given that something may open up in my city? Should I be treating this as an interview, even though it was arranged as casual chat? What should I be prepared to talk about? How do I advance my chances of getting hired in the near future? Do I explicitly ask for them to create a position for me? Any other general advice is much appreciated.

How can I dress hipper than I do now?

Botunda — Wed, 26 Apr 2006 08:13:59 -0800

Where can I find or where do I look to find ideas, resources or stores that carry 'hip' business casual clothing? I am 36 and I am just not starting out in my first 'corporate' full-time (with benefits) gig. Right now I'm wearing the traditional business casual attire; Khakis and a button-up collard shirt, and it's killing me. I work in a very large corporation but I work in creative services as a multimedia designer and I would like my attire to reflect my position without getting too crazy. I have a couple of Ben Sherman and Calvin Klien shirts but it still falls into sort of the traditional.

Help me please not look like a drone!

how do i ask out my friend's cousin?

twirlypen — Tue, 14 Feb 2006 04:10:43 -0800

how do i say this: "i like you and that other night was great, although slightly weird because you're my friend's really close cousin, but he seems cool about it, so, anyway, do you want to do that again sometime, even though it's been a month since that night?"- without coming across as wanting to be too serious or too casual or too weird? it was a night at his house, we ended up having a few touchy feely escapades on the couch while watching a movie with everyone else in the room unaware. in the end nothing more happened because we thought it was a bit iffy, her being my friend's cousin and all.

but, he's fine about it. problem is, i'm out of the state for three weeks for a job and don't have any way to contact her until i'm back. so, what would have been fine to say a day or three after the event is now a little strange. i'm not interested in anything totally serious, and neither is she (i'm told).

i've never set out to start a casual sort of relationship before. what's the equivalent of "do you want to go out on a date sometime?", and how do i say it given the month gap between that one night and talking to her again?