Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with casual

help me get some safely

Anonymous — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 20:50:11 -0800

CasualSex-filter: I am a straight woman. I'm not into the bar/club scene whatsoever. I've never had casual sex, and want to change this. Tips for doing this as safely as possible? This would be completely no-strings. I don't want to do this with anyone I already know nor with their friends. I cannot host, but can travel. And since this would be my first time with casual sex, even if the guy is very attractive and seems safe, I'm not 100% sure I would go through with it.

I'm considering posting/answering on craigslist or something. I have a few questions but the most important is... tips for doing this as safely as possible?

Any other tips for "best results" (for lack of a better term)? Am I better off going with one of the regular w4m or m4w boards or casual encounters? Better for me to post or to reply to a post? Any codes I need to know? I would prefer not to help someone cheat on their wife/girlfriend, but realize there's no way I can be sure whether or not the guy is actually single... but tips for filtering? Better ways to do this other than craiglist? Anything else I should know? I'm in the Vancouver, BC, Canada area if it makes a difference.

throwaway email: getlaidsafely@gmail.com

Thanks!

Short-term relationship. How fun! Now what?

Anonymous — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 13:18:38 -0800

I'm part of a short-term couple. We both know it will probably end in about six months from now, due to a long-distance move. I feel that there's a multitude of things I can experiment with here, due to the short-term nature of the (non?)relationship. But what are those things? Also: I know that each relationship is different, but what are the general rules of such relationships, anyway? How am I supposed to be in love, without falling in love? What can I do to make the most of the time we have left? Sure, I'm probably wasting my time in a dead-end relationship. But never mind that.

By experimentation, I don't necessarily mean sexual experimentation. Although I'm open to that, too. The sex life has been great so far, because my inhibitions are gone (no future for us! nothing to be embarrassed about in the future!). "Oh, you came? No, you will not go to sleep. I'm having my turn." Although this, of course, is good for both of us, and for any future relationships?

So far, I've learnt to be more assertive, because I don't think, "Oh, shit. Did I do something wrong? What if we break up?" I know our relationship is likely to end in about six months, and am not worried about long-term impact. At the same time, I don't want to come off as a selfish jerk.

In the future, I'd like both of us to look back at this time and think, Ah, those six months were fantastic. Hivemind, tell me how to behave in this sort of thing!

"I am Batman"

Glendale — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 03:38:29 -0800

Halloween costume: "Casual Batman". Help me come up with bat-gadget ideas! The idea is that Batman woke up this morning and just didn't feel like giving 100%. I'm wearing a Batman mask, a cape, and a hoodie that I have that has the bat-symbol on it. From the waist down I'm going to wear khakis and slippers (casual). I'm having a hard time coming up with bat-gadget ideas!

The only thing I've made so far is a bat-a-rang bottle-opener out of an old machete blade that I had kicking around the garage... Any other "casual-Batman" gadget ideas floating around out there?

Yes, I'm aware of the existence of 'he's just not that into you,' but I'd like it confirmed by the source.

Anonymous — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 22:35:54 -0800

How do you phrase "are you into me?" in a non-terrifying way? I'm about to have a, give-or-take, fifth date in a few days. The guy and I have a lovely, cuddly, sweet time when we're together, and then I don't hear from him for a week. We met about a month ago. We've made out, but that's about it (at my insistence, I'm trying to take it slow with anyone, these days). We met on a dating site, so I'm sure we've both been seeing other people, but I'm kind of interested in seeing if maybe we can give it a shot, because he's lots of fun.

It's been very, very casual, which was somewhat my fault, because the first time we met up, I called him last minute to say I was around and we should get a drink, then when he called to set something up, I was busy for a week. Now he's been busy, I've been busy, I've been out of town, he's been sick - in short, I will have not seen him in over two weeks when we meet up.

So, ok. I've decided I would want to see if he's interested. If he says no, I will not be devastated (beyond the anticipated ego-blow), but:

1. (less crucial) is there even a point in doing this, or is the answer 'no' if I have to ask? (I say this is less crucial because I intend to bring it up either way, so I guess I'm just looking to see how much I should prepare myself for unpleasantness)

2. what is the least-scary-least-desperate way to ask, hey, so do you think we could try dating?

I also ask because I'd really like to be having sex right now, but I'm disinclined to do it outside of exclusive dating, for health and mental-health reasons.

How to manage feelings in BDSM/casual sex relaionships?

Anonymous — Sun, 04 Oct 2009 16:55:03 -0800

Your tips on figuring out my feelings as I enter into casual play relationships? (risque elaboration within) Sooooo I am a newbie to BDSM and casual play/sex and while I've had a small handful of good experiences so far, I'm a little worried of my own green-eyed monster rearing its head. Main reason I ask: I met someone recently who I enjoy play/sex with, and since he is unattached and very affectionate towards me (and I find him very attractive) I'm starting to get date-y feelings toward him. He compliments me in a date-y way, too, i've spent the night, and he has once (on our 2nd of 2 play dates) suggested we hang out in a non-play setting too, but I'm not sure what to make of this or if I'm reading into it. I'm afraid to bring up any deeper discussion because I feel... uptight? demanding? like I'll freak him out by being not-casual? if I do.

This is all especially confusing because, while 3somes are something I'd like to try, I now am getting antsy and mixed-up emotionally when he brings up looking for new play partners for us. And I'm feeling tinges of jealousy knowing he's looking for new play partners for himself. How does one manage this sort of transition and dealing with jealousy? Any suggested tips? Suggested reads? Throwaway email: applicablenot32@yahoo.com If it matters, I am female, 30, unmarried (and not very marriage-minded normally.)

Business dress for the casual girl?

Metroid Baby — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 10:17:31 -0800

After a few years of hoodies and flip-flops, I'm re-entering a business-casual work environment - slightly clueless and very reluctant about dressing up. Help me adhere to the dress code and look good while maximizing comfort and minimizing effort. Corporate dress codes aren't completely foreign to me: my first few jobs were in business-casual offices. However, I guess they were foreign enough to me that I was approached by two different bosses at two different jobs about needing to dress better. (On both occasions, I asked for ideas/examples of how to improve, and both times I heard "You know that suit you wore to your interview? You looked really great then.") I amassed a collection of twinsets and crinkly dry-clean-only skirts, but I felt dowdy and uncomfortable in them. And I got really, really tired of having to think about putting together work outfits. All in all, not a pleasant experience for me, and it's left me with a vague dread of dress codes in general.

The last time anyone cared what I wore to work was early 2006. Since then, my work environments have become increasingly relaxed: from unenforced business-casual, to casual, to working at home. I love having the freedom to wear what I want to work, and I love working for people who are more interested in my ideas than my wardrobe.

It probably goes without saying that my wardrobe has gotten more and more casual over the past couple of years, too. I've given away a lot of my old work clothes, and I haven't needed to replace them with similar pieces. My typical daily outfit is a t-shirt/tank top, a knit skirt or yoga pants, a track-ish jacket or hoodie, and flip-flops or sporty flats.

In a few weeks, however, I'll be back in an office with a business-casual dress code. I can't very well roll up to work in a tracksuit, as much as I wish I could. I have a few nice skirts and sweaters from my old office days, but for the most part I'm starting from scratch.

Trouble is, I don't particularly like styles that are suit-y or dressy. I've gone window-shopping with the intent of getting ideas for what I could wear to work, and every time I find myself getting shrugging at the career clothing and drifting into the juniors' or sportswear departments. I'm also not into wearing clothes or shoes that I can't walk a mile in. And I prefer my clothes to be as low-maintenance as possible – in the past, anything that's required ironing or dry-cleaning has stayed wadded in a stale wrinkly ball in the back of my closet.

Ideally, I'd like to throw on an outfit in under a minute, walk to work, and look awesome. Too unrealistic? I'd settle for not feeling like I'm wearing a uniform and not wanting to change into pajamas the second I get home.

And if that weren't picky enough, I'd like to get my work wardrobe together without spending very much money or adding too much stuff. I know I'll need to buy a few things (I have only one pair of dressy pants, for example) but I'd really rather not get a whole ton of new clothes.

I've never found a resource that has been particularly helpful. Most advice seems to fall either into "you'll know what's appropriate when you see it" or "you should wear whatever upper management is wearing."

So I'm looking for advice on what to wear, what to look for in work clothes, how to plan outfits, etc. I'm not completely new to dressing up for work, but I feel like I could stand to learn a lot, so even the most basic Garanimals-level tips are fine by me.

Does this garment even exist?

Lou Stuells — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 15:04:41 -0800

You knock on my door early on a weekend morning. When I answer, what am I wearing? I want a robe to wear if I'm not in a hurry to get dressed, but I'd like it to be presentable, not resembling pyjamas. Which is to say, I don't want: fluffy terrycloth or fleece, thermal cotton, pastel colors, cartoon sheep, plastic zippers, plaids, or navy blue. I rather like the kimono style robes, but I'm not into bold crazy florals or shiny satin, which all the ones I find seem to be. I'd like it to be: at least calf length, simple, and presentable enough if God forbid I have to answer the door. A natural fiber would be nice. A generous cut is nice, so one could reasonably sit in it without exposing oneself. Belted is ideal; anything else is uncomfortably approaching muumuu territory.

The phrase that comes to mind is "dressing-gown" but I find that it's the same as 'bathrobe' in the UK. Anything that doesn't look like jammies or nightgowns or a towel seems to be either trashy looking peignoirs or some sort of oversized aloha shirt on acid.

So am I going to have to sew my own garment? I am, by the way, female, but I'd wear a man's robe if I liked it.

So can you help me find it, or should I just get dressed?

suit or no suit?

zennoshinjou — Sat, 12 Sep 2009 03:04:18 -0800

Should I wear a suit to an interview when the dress code is casual? I have an interview Monday with a clothing company and the dress code is casual and sounds relatively liberal. The position I am interviewing for is relatively senior (reports to the person beneath the CIO). I feel like wearing a suit is appropriate for the position but perhaps out of touch with the culture of the organization. I don't want to seem tone deaf. Suggestions?

Raise the clothing bar, but lower the temperature

Cool Papa Bell — Mon, 07 Sep 2009 12:45:44 -0800

Cool-temperature work clothing? I want to wear business casual clothing, but it's all so goddamn hot, especially with an undershirt. What's your secret for wearing business dress shirts and trousers and staying cool?

Tactfully breaking off casual dating

Anonymous — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 16:11:26 -0800

How to tactfully break things off with a woman I just started dating? I’m a late 20s guy with fairly limited dating experience. I’ve been in two long-term relationships thus far (both ended very amicably) and in several short term ones. My short term relationships mostly fizzled out without any formal break up. The few that ended formally, my girlfriend was the one to break it off (“we should just be friends”) but this was after 2-6 months of dating.
After many years of not being able to land a date, I gave up and now seem to be going on dates all the time (women I meet offline and online). Although I am having a good time, I have no idea how to end these casual dating relationships when I am no longer interested. Example: I recently met a girl at my coffee shop (we’re both regulars there). We chatted a couple of times, I asked her out, and went on a date. A week later we had a second date. After both dates, she wrote me a nice email saying how much she enjoyed it and that she was looking forward to seeing me again. She seems like a nice person but after two long conversations with her, I realized that I don’t enjoy being around her. My usual response to a situation like this is to not return the email and hope that she doesn’t contact me again. I would probably also avoid that coffee shop for a little while. But clearly this is not the adult thing to do.
Writing her an email saying “Hey, I’m not interested in dating you anymore” sounds weird and formal (because we are not in a relationship). But then I don’t want to leave her hanging. What is the graceful, adult thing to do here?

PS: I have been on the other side of this too. A few weeks ago I went on a date with someone I met on okc. I wrote her an email and called a few days after the date. We played text tag for a couple of days but then she stopped responding and deleted her profile. So that was the end of that. Is that the way to go? Stop responding and the other person just takes the hint?

Am I going to die of lung cancer?

Anonymous — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 14:11:41 -0800

I smoke a cigarette a day during the work week. I've been doing this for a few months now. Am I going to die of lung cancer? I don't think this is a habit i'll keep up if I ever left my job, since I smoke with my coworkers. I only smoke with them, if I happen to catch them when they are going down for a smoke. As such, I smoke no more than 5 cigarettes a week. How much damage am I doing to my body?

Yes, I know this is a stupid habit.

How long is too long of no contact while dating?

Anonymous — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 08:55:14 -0800

How long is too long of no contact while dating? So I feel like a real jerk right now. I just got out of a serious relationship and am in that period of "what does it all mean/finding my footing while dating" period.

Now the question, I'd been dating a nice girl for a month or two we got along well but not very serious, no sex yet and no real full day dates [just evening dinners and makeout seshes and stuff]

I went through a rough patch and kind of disconnected from everything for a bit, about 3 weeks. I recently contacted her again apologetically saying that I'd been a jerk, but it was something I just had to figure out... to find her somewhat hurt and angry, and seeing each other again entirely out of the question.

Was I that cold? Whats the proper timeframe for casual dating? I know it wasn't a good move on my part, but I guess I didn't see it as that bad. The more I think about it, the more I think I'd be bummed if it happened to me. So hive mind let me have it so I don't make these mistakes again in the future.

Sate Horniness, Sidestep Hurt

Anonymous — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 12:10:45 -0800

I am 20 years old and male. There is a girl (19?) in my circle of friends who really, really, wants to have sex with me. She hangs on my every word, and I get the impression I can do no wrong in her eyes. She's a nice enough person (and pretty smart to boot), but I'm not interested in a romantic relationship with her (or at all, really). She asked me out, and I politely declined, and a few weeks later she straight up offered to have sex with me no strings attached (again, politely declined). That was a month or two ago, and now I'm thinking of taking her up on it. I've never had sex, despite situations like this having played themselves out two or three times before. I find her quite physically attractive. My fear is that no matter how bluntly I say "I just want to have sex with you", she'll pine for a relationship, and I'll be leading her on. Should I do this? How?

To Wait or Not To Wait

Anonymous — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 07:38:31 -0800

I always thought I'd wait for someone special to have sex for the first time. But I haven't met anyone special. Is pursuing a casual relationship a good idea, and how do I do it? I'm a 25 year old female who is and always has been single. This is something I'm generally happy with - I have a very successful career, a loving family, wonderful friends, and many hobbies that I find challenging and fulfilling. Whenever the possibility of dating someone seriously comes up, I find myself balking at the idea.

It's not that I'm ruling out a relationship - there have a half dozen people I've met in my life who I absolutely would have loved to have dated seriously, but things never worked out (for several, low self-confidence meant I never told them how I felt; the last guy I really liked chose someone else over me). But I generally don't think it's worth my time unless I really feel a spark. And I rarely feel a spark.

That being said, I do really feel like I'm missing out on one key aspect of relationships - the sex. I mean, I hear it's a really good time. ;)

I'm a virgin. And not an everything-but virgin. I'm pretty inexperienced in general. I've always assumed I would wait until I was in a real relationship. But I don't want a relationship right now and I do want sex and it just seems silly to wait, you know?

When I try to define what I'd like, the terms that come close are "casual relationship" and "friends with benefits". I don't want a string of random encounters because a) that doesn't feel safe to me and b) I would like some emotional intimacy along with the physical intimacy.

However, I have a whole bunch of questions. That's where you come in, AskMe! Please answer any/all of these, or just supply advice/stories/opinions you think would be appropriate/helpful:

~ Is my picture of what a FWB/casual relationship is accurate? Ideally, it'd be a relationship or a series of relationships where we saw each other every once in a while (no more than a couple of times a week, no less than a couple of times a month), knew a fair amount about each other and were friendly and affectionate towards each other outside of the bed, and would sleep/cuddle with each other in addition to having sex. Is this achievable, or is it a totally unrealistic picture?

~ I also imagine the people that usually do this are usually pretty experienced. Would someone even want a FWB arrangement with someone they'd have to teach to be good at it? Also, I know there are a lot of potential land mines out there for relationships like this in general, but any specific to someone who's previously been a virgin?

~ How does one go about setting this up? Should I approach male friends I am attracted to but not close with? (I have no desire to complicate a good friendship with this, but I have several new guy friends and I meet new ones all the time.) Should I try online? (I have reservations about that.)

~ I can't 100% get over the hang up that my first time should be "special". I'm not so sure it's an internal hang up, though - the thing that gives me pause is thinking about how I would explain it to others who ask about it. (This is also the problem with doing this online, so maybe I should just get over worrying what other people think about me.) Is there any way for me to be more sure that this is the right move?

For what it's worth, I am pretty emotionally mature. I can be honest and straightforward about my feelings, and I understand that human emotions and attractions are capricious and that in the end everyone's just gotta do what they gotta do, and not take it personally. And while I do not want to be hurt or regret this decision, I feel pretty confident that even if it turns out to be a bad idea, I'll be all right.

Best Casual Games for the XBox 360?

kanuck — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 08:49:50 -0800

XBox 360 casual(ish) game recommendations? Santa brought an XBox 360: woohoo! I've got the "traditional" game selection covered, but could use some advice on the current "best of" when it comes to the casual / "pick it up and play for 15 minutes" selection.

Right now my short list looks something like this:
Puzzle Quest
Beautiful Katamari
Bomberman Live
Braid (not sure if it really makes sense to call it "casual", but it has somewhat of the "pick up" sensibility)
Geometry Wars

(I may dig on Rock Band, but need to actually try it first..)

I'm coming from not having done any console gaming in decades (Colecovision anyone?) , but the occasional FPS/RPG on the PC. So something like Katamari works for me even though it's perhaps old hat for folks who went through all the iterations on the PS.

This thread was helpful, but I'm specifically interested in the 360 platform (that is to say, I'm not interested in answers that start with "get a Wii" :))

Where can I buy good quality, good value women's basics online?

Weng — Sat, 03 Jan 2009 18:07:55 -0800

FashionFilter: I wish to shop online for women's clothing of decent quality, classic fit, available in a large range of colours, and reasonably priced... let's say a la Gap or Banana Republic. Can anyone suggest online shops of this type in Australia, where I can avoid getting stung by the exchange rate? Or perhaps a cheaper global alternative to the labels mentioned? I know that Gap may not be many people's idea of fashion, quality or whatever. And I'm not sure I actually know what 'classic fit' means. But I like my clothes basic, comfortable and worn layered in a range of colours, using a flattering cut and nice quality fabrics. I checked out previous posts and saw recommendations such as forever21.com, which I consider to be a bit too "trendy" for me (sad, I know!)... Although I would hesitate to say I have a style of any sort, if I did, I suppose it would be some variation of natural, classic or casual. Anyway, with the current value of the Australian dollar, it is making shops like Gap on the pricey side to order from. (Am also unsure about the ethics of production for these giant international labels.)

So, can anyone recommend some good online retailers of quality basics that might appeal to me? Cheaper than American Apparel (yep, I have a pretty low budget) and bonus points if made ethically? I'm 25 y.o. & Australian size 8-10, if it helps.

[There is probably some special meaning of "basics" in a fashiony-type context, but what I mean is simply items like the following: stretchy cotton tops that are well-made enough (i.e. not see-through) to dress up for work; cardigans and fine woollen sweaters in pastel or earthy tones; well-tailored pants in neutral colours, not just black; collared or ruffled cotton shirts; tank tops that don't fall apart in the wash; lined skirts of suit and non-suit variety in a range of cuts, etc. Maybe some denim. Basically, being an impoverished student, very versatile items that I can dress up or down infinitely as the situation requires it!]

Thanks!

end the attachment cycle

Anonymous — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 08:11:44 -0800

I want to stop being a relationship-machine and start having something more casual. Why do I get attached so quickly? And how do I prevent myself from getting attached so I can have more fun? I’m female, 27, and I’ve had 3 significant relationships over the past 6 years. My recent Very Serious Relationship ended in October. We were very serious, headed towards marriage, and the breakup was abrupt and staggering. Initially it was awful, but now I feel great, and I’m taking some time for myself and for traveling. I’m in school, and moving to a new city after graduation. I’m not planning to really date until after I move; I want to use the next 6 months to just get my head on straight, figure out what happened, and build myself back up.

Although – I have started casually seeing/hooking up with someone at school. It’s tons of fun and clearly not going anywhere. He’s someone I don’t see a future with, and we’re moving very far away after graduation. I’ve never successfully done the casual/rebound thing before, but I like it. We have fun together. I don’t expect either of us to be monogamous, though I think we both have been. I would totally understand breaking this off if either of us met someone we liked better.

Except that I find myself feeling attached to this guy after just a few weeks. We’re on winter break and I’m constantly checking my phone to see if he’s texted me. In the past, I’ve shied away from more casual things because I was worried that getting physical would lead to attachments, but I *really* don’t want to be in a relationship right now, so I thought it would be ok. And I don't want to end this. I like it, and it's helped me feel a lot better after a really crappy breakup.

I don’t get it – half my brain is thinking “I don’t want to be in a relationship! It’s so great to have something light, casual and fun!” And the other half is thinking, “why hasn’t he called?? Will I be devastated if it’s over when we get back from break?” But I’m not that crazy about the guy. I’m worried that I automatically go into attachment mode, and I think that’s not healthy for me or my relationships. How do I understand the attachment part of my brain? Can I prevent myself from attaching when I don't want to so I can just… have fun?

One unhealthy relationship after another.

Anonymous — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 09:22:47 -0800

I've become involved in another unhealthy relationship. What do I do, and how do I avoid it next time? I was undecided about about asking this question anonymously or not, but I decided to go anonymous after Googling my account name and was astonished.

I am the same person who posted this question.

and another regarding how to cut an ex who wouldnt stop contacting me from my life.

So after deciding to cut my ex out of my life, and the other person mentioned in the first question, I tried to depend on myself, carry on the single life and have fun.

I started what was supposed to be a casual no strings attached relationship with someone I'd known for about a year. She's almost ten years older than I am and MUCH more experienced than me. Has more than one child, and lives with their father. He obviously doesn't know about this.

At first things were great. However I realized that I just started to feel shitty once again. For one, I couldn't help get attached. Being intimate with someone and not developing feelings for them is something I realized I'm not capable of. We had both agreed that no feelings would be involved, but I've failed at that.

On her side, she has acknowledged that spending so much time together will make it hard not get attached. I've noticed that she goes out of her way a lot to talk to and see me - going online, calling during the day a lot etc. She's going away for a one week trip and we both acknowledged that we'll miss each other.

Now the bad things. She has carried on relationships with other people outside of her domestic one before (me), and Im pretty sure if the situation arises she's not against something like a one night stand. However, we established before that we don't have to account to each other for anything.

Another thing that bothers me is the fact that I've never cheated on a gf, and I've never facilitated cheating before, but now I am. And it's making me feel pretty bad, even though if it isn't me it'd be someone else. Additionally, she's not spending as much time with her kids as she should, and that makes me feel worse.

Also, she has told me that I'm physically not her type, she doesn't find me sexy. That one really stung. So then what is it exactly that has us in this situation? Is it just because I'm much younger, and I pay her so much attention? She's said she can't believe that someone so young is finding her attractive. The amount of time and effort I spend on her (and her on me too I guess) is practically as if she was my gf. So am I simply just someone who pushes the right buttons? (We have sex in case this wasn't made clear earlier.)

Nothing can come of this situation, yet I've found myself caught up in it. I think about her too much, look forward to her calls and spending time with her too much. She isn't someone I could trust, plus.... nothing can come of it plain and simple. She's pretty much enjoying it tremendously, and so have I, but I've realized that more and more I only have fun when I'm with her, and apart from that I'm just looking forward to the next time we see each other.

It's hard to just give up on this completely, when I have no one else, because I do enjoy the attention (and sex, even though that's not all I enjoy).

How do I get myself into these situations? And what can I do about the one I'm currently in? I know it's unhealthy. I also realize this relationship might be destroying my ability to trust women, after all that I am witnessing.

Casual relationships in high school?

LSK — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 19:35:14 -0800

Casual relationships in high school? (I originally posted this on Yahoo Answers before realizing that this was far, far beyond the ability of a typical YA denizen to answer.)

I'm starting the next year of my high school this Tuesday. There's a girl who I talked with a lot during the last week of last year, and I think I'd be interested in engaging her in a casual relationship. I don't think I'm ready for a girlfriend, and I don't think she's the person I'd want to have for a permanent girlfriend, but I wish to engage in sexual exploration, and she seems open-minded enough to be willing to participate in that.

(Well, yeah, this basically is a description of a friend-with-benefits.)

This, then, is the question:

How does one introduce a suggestion to engage in a casual relationship? Is there a good, slightly more concise and less rude way to say, "Hi, I like you as a person, but I don't want to have you as a girlfriend, but I would like to explore myself sexually through you, and I think that you'd like to help both of us learn about ourselves."

Best general discussion forums?

isoman2kx — Sat, 23 Aug 2008 12:18:26 -0800

Best general discussion forums? I've been looking for some places to add to my daily reading lists like for news, jokes, debates, etc.

Popurls.com is probably the single greatest site of all time as well as cracked.com. However, I am now looking for sites where you can just shoot the shit about anything.

I've been a semi-fan of the immature everything/nothing forum on ebaumsworld.com. I want a forum that has the kind of variety of topics they have in there, but a LITTLE bit more mature, lol.

Can anyone recommend similar forums? The only requirement I'd say is that they actually get replies and there's not like 2 replies fro the most popular thread on there.

-Travis

Fun activities for a couple at home

the_dude — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 07:35:25 -0800

RelationshipFilter: Help me find some good time activities to do at home with a prospective girl friend. Although I'm not very young, I didn't have many relationships -and you can read the gory details of a previous on on ask.MeFi- in the past and I'm a bit inexperienced in this field.

I've been getting pretty close with this girl recently. She's very relaxed, fun and cool in general. She seems to be interested in me as well but is trying to take things slow.

Nevertheless, being the summer, there's not much to do here. She mentioned just going to my place to chill. That's where the problem starts.

My place is pretty dull and bland; a classic urban lonely guy's apartment if you ask me. I've lived in dorms for the past 8 years of my life; I'm more comfortable when I'm either alone or just with lots of people. I rarely spend any quality time at home; I either read or surf while I'm at home.

What I'm worried about is if I invite her to my place; it just might be awkward. Would hive mind recommend some activities for just two people? Any cool games for the Wii or PS3 that's *casually* fun? Board games? It might not be the case and we can just talk for hours as we do most of the time but a few ideas would not hurt.

Thanks everyone in advance. I've always been critical of such questions since it reflects a sense of insecurity but I think hive mind is friendly enough to embrace me as I'm.

How do normal people go about finding casual sex?

Anonymous — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 07:16:43 -0800

How do normal people go about finding casual sex? For someone who thinks that taking advantage of drunk girls in clubs is immoral and adult match-making websites are scams or dangerous, is there any outlet to meet nice (albeit frisky!) gentlemen and ladies? I'm an easy-going and friendly guy, but I have no idea how to broach the topic with single female friends, lest I scare them or have them consider me a deviant! How do I go about meeting (or finding) friendly, open-minded people who are open to the idea of casual (but fully consensual, not alcohol-fuelled) sex?

I'm not averse to the idea of developing friendships with such open-minded people, but I have no idea regarding the etiquette involved.

I'm a young, male university student in Melbourne, Australia who spends way too much time pontificating on societal hang-ups, if that matters. Throwaway email for the discreet/propositions: casualsexaus@gmail.com

Men's casual rings in NYC?

The Dutchman — Mon, 12 May 2008 12:15:12 -0800

I'm looking for a men's thumb ring in the NYC area. I've never had a ring before, so I'm looking for something inexpensive, simple and casual to see if I like it first. Inexpensive is definitely under $50, preferably around $20. There's a lot of simple stuff I like here, but I'd really like to go somewhere I can get sized and try a bunch on in person.

Help a guy tweak his summer wardrobe.

boots77 — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 16:13:30 -0800

Guy fashion question: I need a new summer look...what's in? I'm a normal guy, normal build, normal height. Help me find clothes that might give me options to dress casually for the summer. The big store ads show guys looking too modelish, as in "A real-live guy would never wear that." I know this question is vague, but I'm open to any suggestion that you think would look pretty cool and casual on a guy for the summer. Not that it matters that much, but in terms of choosing colors, I have somewhat of a natural tan.

Trials of a Responsible Hedonist

Anonymous — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 13:11:11 -0800

Peripatetic, endearingly-awkward geek seeks amazing advice for casual sex shenanigans. I recently completed my first serious relationship, a year-long cohabitation. It ended, in large part because I'm just not ready to settle down - I'm young (24), and I've still got an itch to scratch (although this former girlfriend is still one of my dearest friends in the world). I travel from job to job, from oceanography in the Pacific Ocean to (as of March) a stint in Japan. This wanderlust is the bee's knees, but does not provide the foundation for serious romantic roots.

So I come to you, hive mind, to bestow me with your collective wisdom on casual sex mojo.

I am not a total novice in this arena. Of the dozen+ women I've been lucky enough to somehow bed, most have been one-nighters with women 5-10 years older than I, and whose ranks have included PhDs, a fetish model or two, and a disproportionate number of redheads. This sounds grand, until you realize that most of this action has been courtesy of: sex parties, and Craigslist.

I know - I know, OK? Not a real source of pride. But what few sex parties I've attended have always been fascinating and hilarious, even though nine times out of ten I ended up reading books (I come prepared) or dancing. My own Craigslist postings - posted here and here for your edification - prompt fan mail, but no real results (the internet is made of flakes).

Yet I have, in fact, approached (hundreds?) of women on subways and city streets (mostly in NYC) to tell them them they're gorgeous, and ask them out on the spot - most are taken, it's never proceeded past a coffee even if they're single, but 99% were grinning a mile-wide even if they said "No." (Perhaps I was too young? At its height, I was 20 or 21). Nevertheless, the abysmal success rate did do a number on my self-confidence. Fact is, I would very much like to meet a lovely lady or two in the flesh, while out on the town, and woo her by virtue of my own merits.

I just have no idea how. Help a man out.

Pros: I am, apparently, quite attractive - I regularly sport pinstripes and a fedora, and I'm informed that pictures of me prompt girly coos (which confuses no one more than me). I have a natural accent - I am often thought to be either British or Eastern European (having lived in both places), despite being born and raised in the States. I read everything I get my hands on, and have wacky tales of adventure to amuse and intrigue. I also tear up the dance floor at clubs.

Cons: I don't drink or frequent bars, depriving me of valuable social lubricant. I am effectively blind to female social cues and come-ons (friends and family have to tell me what I've missed), and I couldn't muster decent innuendo if I tried. And I worry that, at first glance, I'm really quite creepy: I can't manage small talk for the life of me, don't match any standard of hip (no drugs, infinitely obscure interests), and regularly provoke comments about my 'intensity.' I also enjoy treating people like human beings - which, I'm told, does not raucous casual sex make.

Remember: I'm looking for advice, not lectures. For your information, I have never, ever cheated on a girl, and I have never, ever had unprotected sex - despite which, I get tested every six months out of civic responsibility. I am, in fact, a big fan of falling down emotional rabbit holes with brilliant, badass women - but that's simply not what my life allows for right now.

I believe that you should leave your lovers better than you found them. Because this isn't even about sex, really - it's about having fabulous adventures with wonderful people. Just in bed.

What works? What doesn't? What might? I'm at responsiblehedonist@yahoo.com. Thank you in advance. You're all beautiful.