How to harden the fuck up already

Anonymous — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 21:45:43 -0800

I feel too much. Help me stop. Background: I’m middle-aged, healthy with no hormonal imbalances and non-theist. I have reasonable self-esteem. I’m not depressed (have been before, so I know the difference.) I find my overwhelming emotions make my life unpleasant. This is not new. It’s always been this way. I’ve done cognitive behaviour therapy , successfully I believe. I understand about automatic negative self talk etc. Yes, I’ve been to psychologists – they seem to think I’m fine.

Most of the time, my rational side which is saying, “okay, you’re upset about this, but it’s no big deal” can’t win over my emotional side which is saying “oh god, it hurts, make it stop.” I find myself unable to focus on my tasks, even if I’m successful in not thinking about the event that precipitated these feelings. Sometimes, I feel so bad, I want to be sick. Even after I’ve resolved the issue successfully, I have this ball of anxiety in my stomach.

For the most part, this battle remains internal. Colleagues and family usually have no idea that I’m devastated. But it affects my life in that I don’t really want to involve myself in activities that involve other people because of the risk I (my feelings) will be hurt. I also avoid (necessary) conflict and when I do engage, my internal reaction is often disproportionate to the matter.

Some things that upset me include a mildly negative review of my work, being misunderstood in a conversation, the potentiality for making someone else upset, people on askme calling me unkind things. I know it’s ridiculous. I know I’m acting like a special little snowflake. I know everybody deals with disappointment and disapproval on a daily basis without freaking out. I don’t want to be like this. I want to be able to shrug off these things, like you do. I don’t want to care. I’d rather not use drugs, if there’s any alternative.

Help me stop feeling so much. If I can’t stop it, how can I make it less intrusive?

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How to harden the fuck up already