Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with cancer

I keep crying over Ian M Banks dying of cancer.

Mistress — Mon, 20 May 2013 08:50:16 -0800

Never in my life has this happened before, but I keep finding myself in tears of grief over the looming death of Scottish writer Iain M Banks, who is far and away my favourite writer and has terminal cancer. I'm looking for ways of helping to resolve this emotion, by using it as energy to fuel a meaningful response. I am very fortunate never to have had a family member or close friend die of cancer, so I am a bit adrift and want to make sure I respond well. I also would like advice on what best practices are for this sort of thing with regards to a public figure.

Two or three times I've started to write a brief letter to Mr Banks, thanking him for his books and sharing a few of the ways they have positively affected my life, but this seems presumptious to me because I assume someone with cancer would like to spend that time with family and friends, not replying to, or even reading, a stranger's letter. But perhaps my assumption is wrong; might such a letter be appreciated by Banks and his family?

Another idea I've had is to contribute to a cause he supports, particularly in light of current events in Scottish politics and Banks' recent support of Scottish independence, or to contribute to cancer research. Are there any people or charities coming together to honour Banks in this way?

Many thanks.

Well, this sucks.

BlahLaLa — Fri, 17 May 2013 11:13:46 -0800

So my best friend has ovarian cancer. And she's a divorced mom with no family. All of the support is going to come from friends, and I'm the Friend Leader. I'm going to be asking a million questions about this, I bet, in the coming months, but here's where I'm starting: if I say anything sweet or sentimental to her, she's gonna give me a black eye. I need snarky, sarcastic humor & presents for one of the smartest cancer patients ever. No Hallmark cards, that's for sure. I need jokes, I need "Fuck Cancer" times ten. I need the world's funniest cancer t-shirt. I need the cancer version of the wolf howl t-shirt or the Bic pens for women.

I was thinking of making her a cancer gift basket filled with ridiculata. So what goes in it? A rainbow wig? A panoply of good luck charms? Or the most ridiculously outrageous "pink ribbon" crap. Is there a pink ribbon condom? Is there a pink ribbon speculum?

Is there a cancer get-well card that will actually make her laugh? Is there a website I should be reading? Is there a meme about life being better once your female parts have been scraped out and thrown in the trash?

Lay it all on me, please. I am sad and this is how I want to process it for now.

My beloved dog has cancer

cecic — Sat, 11 May 2013 08:20:13 -0800

My sweet 8 1/2 year old golden retriever has been diagnosed with an aggressive peripheral nerve sheath cancer this week. She can hardly walk on one leg and is on a lot of pain medication and she still is quite uncomfortable. We have been offered palliative radiation as a method of reducing some of her pain, not extending her life. Have you ever chosen palliative radiation for your dog? Was is a good decision for your pet or in hindsight would you have chosen euthanasia instead? Money is not an issue. Her comfort and happiness are. I know it's my job to know when to let her go when it's time and to keep her from suffering, I'm just not sure how proactive I should be in trying to treat her in the meantime.

I have High Risk hpv. What now?

Anonymous — Fri, 03 May 2013 13:37:55 -0800

I just found out I have High Risk hpv. My doctor didn't seem too concerned, but I feel like my world is falling apart. How do I cope? My Pap smear is normal but showed that the virus is there. My doctor didn't seem too concerned and said to just keep up with my annual paps, and didn't really want to engage in any discussion about my various emotions surrounding this. I'm falling apart and would like some advice and resources. Things I've tried to tell myself to help me stop freaking out but hasn't worked:

1) I'm under thirty, and The Internet recommends not getting screened for hpv before that age because it's quite common and tends to clear in 2 years. Doesn't help.

Um... I guess that's the only thing I've tried to tell myself. I feel incredibly alone because I don't want to go around blabbing about it because of the stigma associated with it. This is incredibly difficult for me because I normally cope with problems by talking to everyone I possibly can, crying/talking it away and moving on. That's the hardest part - I feel crushingly alone. But I just don't want to be labeled as "has an un curable std" until I know whether or not it'll clear.

I feel horrified and guilty that I may have given it to someone. I know two of the people I've slept with since my pap before this one were completely clean and I feel like I may have unknowingly screwed their lives up. I'm a lesbian and stupidly thought you couldn't catch an std from another woman. I also stupidly slept with multiple women after my last break up, I went back trying to figure out who I could have caught it from and there's 4 people on the list.

I'm just looking for advice, encouraging words, resources not easily google able. My doctor pretty much told me it was no big deal, but I'm so freaked out that I started crying in the office while I was waiting. I feel like I've been told I have a much higher than average chance of getting cervical cancer in the next five years, which was already probably higher than normal since I smoke, and I just have to wait around for two years to see if my immune system fights it off.

Now what?

Anonymous — Tue, 30 Apr 2013 09:02:13 -0800

The story: wife gets breast cancer. Double mastectomy, chemo, radiation. Two young kids. Nine years of remission. Then, recurrence. Three years of more chemo, then three months of hospice and she dies at home in my arms. That was two years ago. I took a month off of work where I mostly just stayed in bed. Then I pulled myself together and got back to business. I did a month or two of counseling from hospice, and that was very helpful. Everything is all back to normal.

Except not really. I thought I was all better, but it turns out I have a hard time caring about anything. I can keep things going, keep the day-to-day necessities of life ticking along, but really, who cares? Who cares if people get the next shiny thing I am working on at work? A few more years and we are all going to end up as a box of dust anyway.

I feel like many days I am just running out the clock. I expect that I’m going to have a stroke, or get cancer, or get hit by a bus eventually, so why bother? Not that it’s all bad. I have taken up some new hobbies. I put on a good face; I even have a girlfriend, and we have a good time together. But I keep coming back to this place of just feeling like it’s all just pointless and stupid and who am I kidding.

I tried going to a young widows/widowers group, but it is all women who seem to all have a very different process for this kind of thing. Also, I had a kind of difficult relationship with my wife, and so it is difficult to relate to all the people who are holding their dead spouse up on a pedestal. I’m kind of angry and resentful, and that doesn’t seem to help or be socially acceptable.

Now what?

Nice thoughtful gestures from afar....

newpotato — Mon, 15 Apr 2013 03:51:59 -0800

A close relative recently had a double mastectomy and is awaiting breast reconstruction surgery. She is still in recovery phase, and is surrounded by her loving and supportive family. Because of work issues I'm unable to visit for a while. I've sent flowers, and made phone calls, but I would like to get something delivered to her either brighten her day or make this time easier or any more comfortable for her and her family. Is there anything that you've received when going through a recovery period that was unexpectedly helpful to you /your family or surprisingly uplifting?

Other random facts: The children are adults and out on their own, and they are not a particularly religious family, they live in a semi rural area not far from a small city, and financially things are tight, but they're still comfortable for the most part.
TIA.

F*ck you, cancer (but how?)

estherbester — Mon, 01 Apr 2013 13:11:50 -0800

If I had gobs of money to throw at a "cure" for cancer, or at least ways to make it suck less for those who have it*, where would the money go farthest? Research for better treatments, research to develop better diagnostic tools, funding for better treatment/diagnostic programs, funding for patient support (like hospice) service, or anything else? Do organizations exist that might be more effective than the American Cancer Society, for example? *If we wanna get specific about which kinds, let's put pancreatic cancer at the top

Whats a good response to strangers' comments on my dog's limp?

Grandysaur — Thu, 28 Mar 2013 21:08:13 -0800

My dog has bone cancer, and spends most of his time gimping around on three legs due a gross tumor on one of his hind legs. He's already a pretty striking dog (obligatory photos here and here and here), so people already often stop to talk to me about him and comment. Now, he has a very pronounced three-legged gate, and people comment on that too. I'm having a hard time dealing with explaining to people "he has cancer" multiple times a day, and watching their faces drop. Any suggestions as to how I can handle this better so I don't ruin my own and other people's day by making everyone think about awesome dogs dying? The main place this happens is my college campus, one of his favorite places to romp and explore. I'm not going to stop taking him because it's spring time, he loves it, and I'm spending as much time as possible as I can with him.

He's still relatively active, healthy and happy the majority of the time, and certainly isn't suffering as he bounces around making friends and chasing magpies.

Other than this, I think I'm handling the whole affair pretty well, so no suggestions needed there.

Cat Hospice: Help our kitty enjoy her last time with us

Calicatt — Wed, 27 Mar 2013 08:39:00 -0800

Our wonderful kitty was just diagnosed with cancer. We are waiting today (I took the day off work for it, I am such a wreck) to hear more details, but the initial findings were very bad. So, what can I do to help her enjoy her last time with us? I know the vet will give us more information about pain meds (tho she doesn't seem to be in pain) and diet, but I wonder what other thoughts people can give. For example, it was from a friend that I learned it was OK to give her Pepcid A/C (confirmed dosage with vet), and I think that has been helping her tummy. Also, through googling I discovered that it is possible to euthanize in-home, which gives me some comfort for when her quality of life slips below an acceptable threshold. Anything else come to mind? Doc said tumors are messing with her liver, kidneys, and pancreas.

Right now her main issues are:
-Difficulty going to the bathroom: going outside the box, seeming to strain, running around like a mad cat afterwards, diarrhea or constipation seems to alternate.
-Lack of appetite. The pepcid helps this a little, but we have been squirting wetfood+chickenbabyfood+Nutrical+water into her mouth once a day to make sure she's getting enough food water.
-vomiting. Pepcid seems to help this a bit too, but last night she was up and down barfing and trying to poop about five times.
-because of the above, she's lost about 2 pounds..she's down to 7 lbs :(

Just a bunch of woo?

ablazingsaddle — Mon, 25 Feb 2013 18:46:40 -0800

Do nutritional supplements for dog cancer work? I'm not looking for a cure, but some sort of immune system support seems nice. Unfortunately, I am a believer in evidence-based medicine and not a fan of holistic veterinary medicine (especially considering that so many of these alternative medicine vets want to sell me some TOTALLY ESSENTIAL product that is probably crap).

Any benefit to using lysine? Fish oil? I don't want to skimp on something that could help my dog, but I don't want to spend a lot of money on snake oil that does nothing. I'd honestly rather spend a lot of money on treats and other things that make my 77-pound baby happy.

In short: Did/does your dog have cancer? Did you give your dog nutritional supplements? Do you think that made any difference?

What to say to a dying relative with a fractured relationship?

raztaj — Mon, 25 Feb 2013 09:30:42 -0800

My uncle is dying - the doctor says days or weeks. I haven't said anything to him, or his wife, or his kids, since they got the cancer diagnosis a few months ago. Our families have had a historically fractured relationship, so it all feels very awkward to me. Please help me figure out what to appropriately say to them. My parents came from very mixed backgrounds (different religions, continents, cultures, both immigrants), and this was a significant source of tension for how my mom's family received my dad and my mom's choices. I was 5 years old when we moved from the area where my mom's family lived, and contact was extremely limited after that - and when there was contact, it was usually conflict. 5 years after that, my mom died after a battle of cancer - and contact was then severed.

Maybe 7 years ago, a cousin found my brother on the internet, and contact between him and his parents (the uncle that is dying), and they've begun to develop a bit of a relationship. I've met with them a few times - a dinner when they visited, dinner when I was temporarily living in the area where all my mom's relatives are. Despite past transgressions, that particular branch of my mom's family has made a concerted effort to try and re-build something, it all still feels very uncomfortable to me. My mom's other siblings have made virtually zero effort to reach out.

Even though my mom's brother is dying, he seems more like one of my parents old acquaintances, rather than family. They feel like strangers to me, and I have admittedly been very distant despite their efforts to be friendly and kind. I have not been negative - just unresponsive. Even though my siblings have been able to re-establish some sort of relationship, they are also older than me, and have clear memories of the times we spent together as kids before we moved away - I really don't have a memory of any of that. It all seems very weird to try and build something with people who are strangers.

I feel bad about my unresponsiveness, and don't know what to say now that my uncle has been given a timeline. I feel like I should say something before he inevitably passes soon. But I feel like it's also too late to say something - since I know my siblings have been in some contact since we got my uncle's cancer diagnosis. I would like some guidance on figuring out what to say.

I've lost both my parents, so I have a better grasping of what to say *after* a loved one passes, but in the waiting period before, giving our family complications, I just don't know what to say.

I handled electrical tape and now my throat really hurts. WTF?

randomname25 — Fri, 22 Feb 2013 20:26:12 -0800

I was taping an ethernet cord over my doorframe with vinyl electrical tape. I can't find the label, but I remember it had a warning saying that the tape contains chemicals that the state of California recognizes to cause cancer. After maybe ten minutes of futzing with it (and breathing), I have a minor headache, my throat hurts a lot, and breathing feels weird and cold. Page 2 of this document warns about fumes from molten electrical tape, but I didn't heat it. Was the warning label accurate? I can't find any scientific info online. Should I take this stuff down from my walls, or will it be OK now that I'm no longer actively handling it?

How can a person give themselves cancer?

htid — Wed, 13 Feb 2013 11:05:26 -0800

Hypothetic/literary filter: Book character is looking for ways to die that are self inflicted, but would like it to seem like a deadly disease, but one that kills over a period of about 6 months. All I can come up with are nitrosamines but I don't think that is a sure thing. Any ideas? Are there substances that can reliably cause cancer or some other illness? Bacterial/viral/etc might also be okay. This is for a story. Thanks!

Wife has a poor prognosis cancer – How do I stay engaged?

elmonobonobo — Thu, 31 Jan 2013 09:55:26 -0800

Wife has a poor prognosis cancer – How do I stay engaged? My wife has a cancer/stage that has less than 50% 2-year and less than 20% 5-year survivorship based on the state-of-the art treatment she’s scheduled to get at a top notch facility. Chemo/Radiation and a difficult surgery in a distant city are the immediate plan.

I’ve got lots of local family support, childcare help, and the job/insurance situation is good.

My usual coping strategy of taking a realistic assessment of the outcome, checking-out emotionally if it looks bad, and being happily surprised if it goes better doesn’t seem like a good plan here.

I haven’t had any luck with the don’t-look-down approach, where I’m super optimistic and then deal with what happens if it goes badly when that comes. I wish I could take this mindset.

So I’m trying out the one-day-at-a-time approach. This has some drawbacks. Each day feels smaller and darker than the one before. Even if this goes very badly, we have got a long way to go. It’s still hard not to assume the worst or at least be haunted by it.

It also feels like I’m ignoring the gravity of the situation. We’re low drama, but the practical, deal-with–what-the-day presents feels incongruous with the seriousness of what’s happening.

This thing is happening. How do I do it well?

(I’m very little inclined to engage mystic-religious-intention of the universe type thinking. To the extent the universe has intention, it can go f*ck itself.)

Mom's cancer took a turn for the worse, not sure what I can do to help.

Geektox — Wed, 30 Jan 2013 23:27:20 -0800

My mom has been battling colon cancer for the last 6 1/2 years, and essentially my whole family had settled into the rhythm of her treatment, and I know exactly what I could do to help, but recently her condition took a sharp downward turn, and I feel as if I'd been blindsided without any idea what I can do now. When her condition was relatively stable, I drove her to her chemo appointment and stayed with her until she was done, bought the groceries, picked up my brother from school - I knew exactly what I could do and had done it daily for the better part of my adult life.

But recently she was hospitalized, her cancer had spread very quickly, and it's not looking great. Her oncologist is very invested in her health after 6+ years of working together, and while she has told us to mentally prepare for the worst, she also hasn't said that she is beyond help.

My father has taken up the bulk of staying by her bedside, and she is still conscious, fairly mobile and able to speak, eat, and all that stuff. I can only visit her for 5 or so hours on both Saturday and Sunday, as someone has to stay home to take care of my little brother, who is 15 years my junior (I'm 23).

So on the weekdays, I drop off my brother at school, and I then proceed to mindless dawdle through the day until I have to pick him up again. I haven't the mind to work (self-employed, luckily), I do exercise, but that's a relatively short activity. Most of my time is spent watching stand-up or playing videogames, and I feel like a real heel because of it. Back when I had cancer my mom stayed by me day-in, day-out, and it's killing me that I can't return the favor.

My dad had also told me that he thinks I don't appear to me showing enough concern for my mom, and while I don't always see eye-to-eye with my dad, in this case I think he is right. It's not as if I am not concerned, obviously, I just feel completely at a loss for what I could do. I call her daily, but those conversations are short. I want to send her an email, but I don't know what I should say. I asked my dad what I could do, and he said that he doesn't know either and that it's something I need to figure out by myself.

None of my friends have had experience with this sort of thing, either, so I feel completely on my own here. They are all busy with school and work and all that jazz and I don't feel right talking to them about it.

So I guess my question is, how can I best help my mom at this point in time without being by her side constantly?

I hope it's not dog cancer.

ablazingsaddle — Mon, 28 Jan 2013 12:25:26 -0800

I took my dog to vet to get his teeth cleaned today. They saw a very obvious bump on his nose that I hadn't noticed before, told me to see a specialist ASAP, and the dental cleaning did not happen. And then I cried in the car for twenty minutes. Obviously, I'm not asking for a diagnosis via Metafilter, but how can I negotiate/maneuver with veterinary costs? I'm inclined to believe that this (large, smooth) bump appeared rather suddenly, because I took my dog to the vet a little over a month ago and they didn't see anything, and I took my dog to hang out with some friends a couple weeks ago, and I feel like someone would have mentioned a bump on his face. Hell, they were all giving me shit about his possibly arthritic back legs.

And I feel like I would have noticed it, but who knows at this point.

He seems pretty healthy. I found him over the summer and he was quite emaciated, but he's gained weight and he's a lean, healthy seventy-seven pounds. He's not sneezing blood. He snores a little - I thought that was normal, though.

I'm hopeful that this is just a cyst or some sort of abscess, but I won't know for a bit. I'm taking him to see a specialist tomorrow, and I am freaking out about cost. I set aside $300 (scrimping, saving, eating lots of eggs) for his dental cleaning, I have some savings, and I was approved for care credit, but I already have more credit card debt than I would like and I don't want the albatross of additional debt hanging around my dog.

But I just love my dog so fucking much.

How do I explain to the vet that I am poor and please, please don't take me for a ride? How can I live with myself if I don't do whatever it takes to save my dog?

Sick kitty, low on cash.

greta simone — Sat, 26 Jan 2013 13:14:02 -0800

My cat is sick. I have next to no money. Is there a really-truly-worth it pet insurance company you recommend? Or is there a place I can apply for financial assistance? These are the details:

My cat, Greta, which is also this Greta, is a 10 year old female DSH, spayed, indoor-only cat. She's been showing bad symptoms and I have been taking her to a vet I'm really happy with (I have seen other, [only-slightly] cheaper vets in the city that I have not been as happy with. We have been putting her through some tests to figure out what's wrong with her. Best-case-scenario: She has a kidney disease I will have to treat her for for the rest of her life. Worst-case-scenario: Cancer.

I've already spent $600 on tests and visits alone over the past two weeks, and we haven't yet figured out what the deal is, but either way, I know I will be spending more money in the coming weeks to figure it out. I spoke with the vet about costs and my options. While they don't offer a payment plan, they offer essentially a line of credit that I could use to pay for the visits. I researched the line of credit, which would only offer so much, at a 27% apr. I looked into my existing credit and I can extend my current credit line the same amount as the vet-credit offered, at my existing 14% apr. So I have extended my credit the allowed amount. This is still not much (I know because I've spent as much for less serious but still critical care in the past) and will likely not cover the worst-case-scenarios. I am already struggling to pay my own bills as it is, though obviously I am working on that. I have nothing of any value to sell that isn't of vital importance.

My cat is not in any pain, and is otherwise healthy enough. My vet said that whatever it is, it has been caught early (according to the rate at which blood indicators show) so I have no plans to put her down in the event of worst-case-scenario, and fully plan on giving her treatments for whatever until things tip the scale to where she is in pain.

So I'm seeking a few options:

#1) I have heard of organizations or groups that offer some free assistance to people that can't afford treatments. Do you know of any groups where I can apply for such a thing? I'm in NYC if that's relevant.

#2) Are there any pet insurance companies that are actually worth the value that will cover serious care for an already aging cat? I can probably scrounge up $50 a month to pay a premium, but not the $500 every few weeks that I've already had to do.

Also, my cat is very sensitive to new environments and people and other animals (and my absence) so any suggestions to rehouse her with someone who could pay are not acceptable, as rehousing her would be as much of a blow to her quality of life as an untreated illness. I am only seeking suggestions on how to afford her care.

Please help. Thank you.

How to organize a group of caregivers to help a terminally ill friend

feets — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 16:00:16 -0800

One of my best friends was just diagnosed with late-stage cancer. My friend's going to need a lot of help, and I want to organize people to do it. Have you organized or been part of a caregiving group? I need advice from someone who's been down this road. My friend is unmarried, supports a kid on her own, and her family lives in a different country. The doctors have given her a prognosis of a year to live, and plan to keep my friend on chemo until it's no longer feasible to continue it.

In the near future there will be a thousand tasks that need doing: cooking, cleaning, driving, tutoring, basic kid-wrangling, accompaniments to chemo, nursing/caretaking, administration of household bills and so forth. Friends and acquaintances keep saying "let us know what we can do to help." So I want to coordinate the helpers.

I found a book called "Share the Care" which tells you how to set up a caregiving group, and was wondering if anyone had ever used it, and what their experience with it was. I also found a website called lotsahelpinghands.com and was wondering if I could use both systems or if that would be too much. Alternatively, if you did it another way I'd love to hear about that too.

(At first glance, Share the Care seems a little intense, like people would feel like they were being asked to apply for a job if I put them through what the book suggests as an "intake" process; alternately, lotsahelpinghands looks like it will work well to marshal acquaintances to bring lasagna, but like as the primary coordinator I will never be able to step away for a week.)

Bonus question: I can already feel myself getting codependent, and my house looks like a bomb hit it (laundry everywhere, cat barf on the floor, food rotting in the fridge etc). Do you have any tips on how not to turn into a mess when trying to give care to someone you love?

Cancer isn't funny, right?

thank you silence — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 20:26:20 -0800

How to not overreact when people joke about cancer? Ok, so I'm kind of in the heat of emotion right now because I just logged onto Facebook to see a friend post a status which reads, "Like [organization's page] or we'll all get cancer." I used to belong to the organization for several years; it was an intimate group of people who perform on stage. My mom died last year of cancer and it was the worst thing that has ever happened to me by far. I went through months of grief counseling and I'm now on antidepressants and I'm in a good place, but right now I am SO FUCKING ANGRY I feel like walking to that girl's house and ripping her hair out. I commented on the status by saying "This isn't funny" and I hid the story from my newsfeed.

I'm not really sure what my question is. I guess I just want to know how to keep my cool when people make insensitive comments about serious things like cancer in jest. I really want to send her a message or something but I don't want to be on a soapbox all the time, but you know what, I had to change my mom's diaper because her disease turned her into a helpless feeble creature who suffered immensely, so don't fucking make a joke about it.

Diet changes after bowel/colo-rectal cancer, and what to do about it.

curious nu — Sun, 13 Jan 2013 13:05:54 -0800

Looking for info from colo-rectal cancer survivors on what you've done to fix/deal with the diet change issues. This is for my mom, who's mid/late 50s.

Ten years ago, she had surgery for colo-rectal cancer. The discovery + treatment was very fast: blood in stool on the weekend, diagnosis by the end of that week, surgery by the end of the week after that. The surgery involved taking out the tumorous part of the intestines and then linking the two halves back up. There was at-home chemo (the wearable pump kind) for awhile after that.

The short version of the aftermath is that she can't eat healthy, and she can't exercise without needing to know where a bathroom is at all times and being really sure about how long its been since she's eaten and had a BM, and even then knowing that there's going to be a problem despite all precautions.

* No raw fruits or vegetables except in one- or two-bite quantities. Cooked vegetables are slightly better, but not a lot.
* No legumes
* No nuts

Eating any of the aforementioned foods results in a lot of indigestion issues and then (sometimes sudden) diarrhea. Food IN GENERAL causes problems - there's nothing she can eat and NOT have issues - but the above are the worst. And when I say exercise, I mean even walking the dog is a problem.

Looking for info online throws a lot of talk about diet changes to avoid cancer, and some woo-woo nonsense about magic diets to cure it. There are also some helpful tips like "eat healthy and exercise", which she'd love to do but that is expressly the problem!

So the question is: have you or someone you know had colo-rectal cancer? The diet is the biggest issue, so something that could get her to the point where she could enjoy a salad once a month without worrying about the consequences would be pretty fantastic. Mom copes alright - both she and her doctors just shrug, at this point (it's better than dying, is the sentiment) - but if there's some weird or new or old thing that you know about that might be worth trying, I'd love to know.

How does a "layperson" grab the attention of research scientists?

unlaced — Thu, 03 Jan 2013 06:42:17 -0800

How does my friend get his prostate cancer research into the hands of the relevant researchers? Over the past year, my friend (an electrical engineer by day, a science geek by night), has completed a thorough review of the scientific literature on prostate cancer, benign prostatic hyperplasia (BPH) and chronic prostatitis/chronic pelvic pain syndrome (CP/CPPS) and a preliminary laboratory investigation which have led him to conclude that there is a yet-to-be-identified fungal cause for these three diseases. He has collated over two dozen pieces of diverse evidence confirming this link. He is now trying to get the attention of the research community. As a research scientist (although in a different field) I have been helping him with this (as well as reviewing his work and manuscript) and whilst he has had some success in contacting high level researchers in the field, it is not enough. In his words “I pushed this forward because I felt a moral obligation. Had I decided to not publish, I’m convinced that other researchers would have reached the same conclusions within the next ten years. Such a delay would have resulted in more than a million preventable deaths.” He is inspired by the story of Dr Barry Marshall, the researcher who convincingly linked the bacterium Helicobacter pylori to stomach ulcers and who shared the Nobel Prize in 2005. It took seven years before anyone attempted to confirm Dr Marshall’s findings, resulting in over a hundred thousand preventable deaths.

List of things that he has tried
1. Publish in peer reviewed journal: the manuscript was accepted for review in one journal, but rejected outright by a single reviewer; seven other journals did not accept the manuscript for review.
2. Self-published a book summarizing his research (PubMed declined to add the book to its index, however it is indexed in Google Scholar. For those that are interested, a link to the book’s website is in my profile)
3. He mailed 113 printed copies of the book to:
a) Prostate disease researchers: reply rate low, no replies from important researchers.
b) Nature, Science, The Economist book review editors: no reply.
c) The Economist, NYT, WSJ, LA Times, Washington Post, USA Today Health/Science editors: one negative reply (subject too specific for readers), no others.
4. Met a well known prostate disease researcher for three hours. The researcher did not find anything wrong with the research but remained very skeptical; this researcher is currently looking for causative bacteria, as are most prostate disease researchers.
5. Contacted lead researcher at NIH/NIDDK: received a reply but was asked no follow-up questions.

List of things he has considered
1. Present these results at a prostate cancer/urology conference.
2. Hire leading prostate cancer researchers as consultants to comment on this work.
3. Buy publicity in Nature, Science, cancer/urology journals, print media, Google Adwords.
4. Continue trying to have print media and/or blogosphere cover this, hoping that it makes its way to many researchers (it appears that it was a National Enquirer article that stimulated interest in Dr Marshall’s work on H. pylori)

I am asking this question in order to get more ideas about what we could be doing to try and effectively reach out to researchers and have them consider this idea.

We are in Canada, but please don't restrict answers based on geography or finances.

How do I get by?

tylerkaraszewski — Sun, 16 Dec 2012 09:53:02 -0800

Tips for single parents? I am not strictly a single parent at the moment, but my wife is completely debilitated by (and to be realistic, will almost certainly die from, eventually) colon cancer, leaving me as the primary caregiver for our 15-month-old daughter. I am coming into this as the breadwinner in a traditional working father/stay-at-home mother family. I am lucky to have a good salary, which will allow me to hire a full time nanny to work 8-4 mon-fri, which is just barely enough time for me to go to work.

This still leaves me responsible for 16 hours of child care per day on weekdays, and 24 hours a day on weekends. I can get some help from friends, family and neighbors, but working around their schedules and trying not to be too much of a burden on anyone on particular is difficult and not particularly reliable. I can only afford to pay for so much child care, and the nanny is using up most of that.

This has been going on for about a month now and I have made a few strides (my daughter sleeps through the night now, from 7:30 till about 5:00AM), but I am still completely overwhelmed. To make things even more difficult, I also need to take my wife to doctor's appointments and chemotherapy treatments several times per week (although the nanny can do some of this as well).

I don't really know how to cope with this indefinitely. I feel like I can't bail fast enough to keep afloat, and on top of that, no one really knows how long my wife will survive, or if she'll ever really be well enough to care for her daughter until then.

Does anyone have any tips, advice, or resources for someone in my position? As an aside, it's a bit infuriating how few parenting resources seem to cater to fathers at all.

No light at the end?

thelastgirl — Tue, 11 Dec 2012 20:47:18 -0800

Have you ever not only been unable to see the light and the end of the tunnel, and don't care anymore if you do? I have been through incredibly difficult times in my life, but always have seen a way out of it. My mom died in July and I feel like there is nobody left who loves me unconditionally, and I don't understand the purpose of being here without that love. I have lost interest in everything, I can't even get the dishes done. I feel like I don't even care if it gets better, because she's not here.

Is this normal for grieving?

What to expect, and how to deal?

sunshine arakhan — Mon, 10 Dec 2012 02:02:27 -0800

My mother was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer in May this year. We've just been told she now has 6 months to live. Help me with what to expect. I'm not even sure what I'm asking here, but here goes.

My 47 year old mum was diagnosed with stage 4 cervical cancer in May this year. They then discovered it had spread to her lungs and lymph nodes. She's been through intense treatment this year, including extensive and invasive radiotherapy (which she can no longer have as her body can't handle any more) and several types of chemotherapy. Last week we got the results of the scans she had to see how her treatments had gone so far. The tumours have doubled in size, nothing has worked, her doctors have given her 6 months.

I'm 24 and never had to deal/experience the death or illness of a close family member or friend before. I've been seeing a psychologist this year to come to terms with some difficult issues from the past involving her, so I am much more at peace with her and the fact she will pass away soon. What I don't know however is the whole physical side of it. What exactly happens when someone stops treatment for cancer? How do they deterioate physically, especially in the way of lung and cervical cancers? In my head I think of how AIDS normally kills through pneumonia etc - is it an immune system failure that will end up taking her, for lack of a better phrase?

I know this all sounds very morbid and any information I try and brace myself with now may well go out the window once the time goes. I live two states away from her (3 hour flight then 4 hours driving), so I won't be there the whole time to see her go through this, which I think makes it worse because once the family says "it's time, come up" it's going to hit me hard seeing her in whatever state she may be in.

FWIW I am going up at Christmas, having not seen her since July, and will be there for her during any time off she wants to take with the family next year, however long that may be. It's more the actual moment where she may be admitted to hospital and we just have to sit around and wait that I don't know what to think of.

Should I second guess my surgeon?

zrail — Thu, 06 Dec 2012 16:36:50 -0800

I was recently diagnosed with testicular cancer and will be having surgery next week to remove the testicle with the tumor. Should I be thinking about preserving sperm yet? When I asked my surgeon she said that that would be something to worry about later, when we know what exactly my chemo regimen is going to look like. We dont know because with this kind of thing biopses come after its been removed, not before. I've been reading that the timeline between surgery and chemo can be extremely short which makes me think that getting a deposit in before surgery might be a good idea.

Does anyone have experience with this kind of thing? Is there some other place I can look? I guess I'm looking for reassurance that I'm not jumping the gun before calling the fertility clinic.