Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with butt

Sore rearend.

cachondeo45 — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 04:54:30 -0800

Gluteus maximus filter: I know that YANAD, but I think I may have torn or sprained something and I have some important races coming up. I was cleaning a high bookshelf yesterday when BOOM I fell down. I'm not sure if I fell on my butt or if I pulled it by the sudden movement, but regardless, right in the middle of my right butt cheek it is OUCHY. It feels like someone sewed a rock in the middle of it. It's not bruised but it hurts to sit or sleep on it. I took some Ibuprofen and put a Capsicum patch on it last night. Normally I wouldn't be worried and would just give it time, but I have a half marathon on Sunday and a full marathon next week. Is this a doctor-worthy injury? Should I just alternate between ice and heat? Ack!

Are manual anal gland expressions for dogs necessary?

wiretap — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 12:46:37 -0800

Anal gland expression for dogs - How does one keep a dog's anal glands in optimal shape? Having a minor disagreement with someone about this issue:

1. I've heard that dogs need to have their anal glands expressed regularly otherwise it can lead to an infection and impaction. My dog goes to the vet two times a year to get his anal glands expressed. It's obvious when he needs to get it done because he starts smelling fishy (TEEHEE) and is very sensitive/irritable and is constantly sniffing and licking his hindquarters. Once he comes back from the vet he's a happy camper and not at all preoccupied with his backside.

2. Someone else said that it's insane to take a dog to a vet to get anal glands expressed, and that it's just something dogs are able to take care of on their own.

What the what?

3. Then I googled it and it seems most people are saying dogs do need need regular expression, but the more you manually express the more frequently it will need to be done (?). A few sources say that feeding your dog high quality food and pumpkin will take care of the need for manual anal expression.

Do dogs need manual anal gland expression or not? Can a higher fiber diet really take care of the need for manual expression? How do you handle your dogs anal gland needs?

Help me help my dog please!

....tore me a new asshole.

Anonymous — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 19:28:34 -0800

So it appears I have a tear in my buttocks. Most likely NSFW details inside. So over the past few weeks I have notice blood in my stool and on the toilet paper when I BM. I just passed it off as hemorrhoids, until tonight. I noticed a larger amound of blood than 'normal' in the toilet water. After wiping, I checked myself in the mirror, and it appears I have a 1" long hole/tear at the top of my (for lack of a better term) buttcrack. It doesn't constantly bleed, and it doesn't really hurt.

I am currently away from home for another week and a half, and I am planning on seeing a doctor when I get home. My questions are: How did this happen? Should I see a doctor immediately, or can I afford to wait as long as the bleeding remains minimal? Why would I not bleed every time I BM if this tear is here? Am I facing any real health problems by not seeing a doctor immediately? How serious is this?

My throwaway email is askmefithrowaway@yahoo.com. Thank you.

Someone is wiping wrong, and it's not me.

jewzilla — Fri, 07 Aug 2009 21:11:32 -0800

Searching for an explanation for something gross in the bathroom at work. It's happened a couple times, at different companies, that I've heard a guy sitting in the stall next to me wipe back and forth, several times. Like you would if you were trying to scrub a pot, but the sound is of toilet paper on skin. Do people really wipe their butts this way?

On the whole, Preparation-H feels good.

Anonymous — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 13:12:23 -0800

I get a sore butt whenever I go on vacation or a long day trip. Help me prevent this pain in the ass! About 3-4x over the past year, I've ended up in excruciating pain on vacations/trips due to none other than a sore butt hole.

It typically occurs when I drive somewhere for 1+ hours and then walk a tad more than normal. Example: last weekend we went out of town (drove for about 2 hours) and I walked about 2x more than I normally do during any given day. By the end of the day, I was in tears wiping with those medicated butt wipes (which didn't help a whole lot).

Is this just chafing or is there something else going on down there?

Do I need to apply some sort of cream any time I anticipate an active day!?!

I'm going camping over the fourth and I'd really like to find a solution before then because EVERY camping trip over the past year has been absolute hell (butt-wise).

How can we heal our cat's tail?

arnicae — Sat, 27 Jun 2009 21:19:37 -0800

Our cat has a wound on his tail. How can we help him heal it? Our cat has been losing weight (yay!) and recently lost enough weight that he could lick his butt for the first time in ages. To celebrate this, he has been licking his butt like crazy and has created a small raw rub mark approximately 1/4" by 1/2" at the base of his tail, about 1/2" from his anus.

Our vet says it is no big deal and will "heal on its own" but we think it hurts him when he pees. We've been regularly applying neosporin and vaseline, but he tries to lick it off and continues vigorously grooming his tail.

Any suggestions as to more effective ways to help his tail heal?

How can I get sweatpants with custom words across the butt?

grobstein — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 22:33:45 -0800

How can I get sweatpants with custom words across the butt? Women's sizes. Like those sweatpants that say "JUICY" across the ass, though of course now they say lots of other stuff too. I want to get them with custom words on.

I've looked at the websites for companies that do custom sweatpants, but can't find one that does this. Does anyone have ideas? I'd like either

a company that can do this for me over the web, or

a strategy for doing it in my city, like: "Get such and such blank sweatpants, go to this kind of merchant, tell them you want such and so."

Thanks a brazillion.

Itchy Butt = Jock Itch?

Anonymous — Sat, 27 Sep 2008 06:18:08 -0800

My rear end itches. Could it be jock itch? A few months ago I had my first case of jock itch. My first clue was, well, the itching, and the distinct discoloration of the skin between my legs. I self-diagnosed via a handy description of what jock itch is and what it looks like from some website, bought some Tinactin, and my problem cleared up! Hoorah!

But now, life has thrown me a curveball: I have an itchy butt. Specifically, an itch in the gluteal cleft (sounds better than butt crack but I doubt any of you will have any clue what I'm talking about). And after about a week of itching, I figured it was about time I consulted people who are not my doctor, and might not even have any medical training.

I've read a few related AskMe's, and its not relegated solely to the anus, its also above (ends right about where I can feel my tailbone), and just a tiny bit below.

I've read talks of worms, hemorrhoids, even cancer (everything on WebMD is cancer). I just want to know, is there a good chance this is just displaced jock itch? Can I use the same cream I used from my previous case? I don't think there's a rash, but then again I'm... sort of a hairy guy, so, I couldn't really say for sure.

I've also moved back to school recently and started using their tree bark which they refer to as toilet paper, if you think that could factor in at all. Another factor is that I'm once again sharing toilets with the guy who I'm pretty sure led to my original case of jock itch. Could be a coincidence, I guess, but I am definitely not ruling it out.

Thanks for looking after my butt, AskMe!

Biking makes my butt hurt

onlyconnect — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 11:14:58 -0800

I'm a girl who (after working her way up to it for a few weeks) has been biking about 10 miles per trip about 2 or 3 times per week for about 3 weeks now on a bike that is similar to the Electra Amsterdam Sport here. I feel great, except that my butt hurts. We tried adjusting the seat higher, and that didn't help, so we moved it back down. We tried moving the back of the seat higher (so it sort of looked like this from the side >), and that was noticably bad, so we moved the front of the seat higher ( < )and that helped a little. But, my butt still hurts. I have read that when I'm biking I'm actually supposed to distribute my weight at about 1/3 butt 1/3 feet/pedals and 1/3 handlebars, but I'm definitely not doing that and I doubt that I could.

It's hard to describe exactly what hurts, but it seems like it's the area around my tailbone, though not my tailbone itself. Sort of the back of my butt, if you will.

Is it just that I'm new to biking and overweight, so that until my pear butt decreases in size it is in for some hurting? Is there some seat adjustment we could make that would help? (The seat looks basically like the seat in the picture -- puffy and with springs at the back.) Do I need to try another seat (and if so, what?)? Thanks!

Telecommuting made me gain 30 lbs in 6 months. HELP me stop the spread!

citystalk — Sat, 03 May 2008 09:43:19 -0800

Please help me stop the butt spread and weight gain related to my 12 hour/day telecommuting computer job before I am relegated to a muumuu. Six months ago I was a fit young woman. I worked in consulting at an office with a light commute. Healthy, refreshed after a good night's sleep, energetic, size six...

Six months ago I was offered an amazing telecommuting consulting job, where I sit at home on my couch with my laptop for 12 hours and eat takeout all day. I haven't time to cook, I don't have a proper desk or chair, and my body is falling apart.

In six months I've gained thirty pounds and I'm getting pimples. And my awesome clothes aren't fitting. And I have cellulite and rolls. And I wake up every morning, weekend or not, at six am because I telecommute on EST which messes up my clock. And I'm always tired and addicted to caffeine. I also have become sloppier.

I LOVE my job. The hours are horrible but they fly by each day when I'm in 'the zone' and the pay is incredible. In this economy I feel very blessed, but my body is rebelling and I feel gross, even though my hubby is super sweet and claims to be into the spread.

I'm not devastated at this point about my physical appearance, but it's the type of spread that won't stop spreading. And I'm only in my mid-twenties. And genetically, I'm prone to spread. And next year commences baby-making so I really, really need to get in shape, for health's sake as well as vanity. So here are my questions:

1) What kind of chair/desk setup might alleviate butt spread? I swear my perky tush has actually flattened (as well as widened) from all of the sitting. I've heard of these expensive bouncy ball chairs, and I'm willing to try them. Also anticipate back problems in near future, too, so this isn't all about vanity. :)

2) What kind of exercise can I do in ten minute increments at my house that can help me get in shape?

3) How can I reset my clock on the weekends so that I can actually get eight hours of sleep?

4) What do y'all do to unsludge if you telecommute? I really want to be fit again, there just doesn't seem to be enough time.

5) What snacks/cooking arrangements do you utilize? Maybe I should get a crockpot or something...

6) Any other advice???

THANK YOU HIVE MIND! You've come through for me and my friends many a time! :)

Skinny jeans for a big butt?

Slap*Happy — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 00:17:45 -0800

My best beloved wants a pair of jeans she can wear her boots over top of. She can't seem to find a pair that fits right... How weird is this? I'm asking style advice for my bride-to-be, because she's too shy to ask anyone herself.

She has a body shape that has blessed her with an ample bottom, but exceptionally slender legs. She's not heavy at all... she's got hourglass curves like a 40's pinup.

She likes the look of knee-high boots over tight jeans (as do I, hence my eagerness to ask this question on her behalf) but the jeans that fit her are all boot-cut or wide leg, and don't look right with boots zipped up over them. Skinny leg jeans that accommodate her hips are too loose around the waist and downright baggy around the legs.

Are there any brands/styles that are designed to fit her bodyshape? She's not prepared to shell out megabucks for this, either. (She has a boot addiction to feed.)

Seriously. What's up with my anus?

(bb|[^b]{2}) — Mon, 05 Nov 2007 20:07:45 -0800

Hi there. Remember me? Well, I'm back, and my butt problems continue. So I went to see my doctor about my itchy butt (he saw through the hair just fine, BTW), and he diagnosed me with pruritus ani, which is latin for "I have no idea why your ass itches." No hemmeys or fissures, no pinworms, just an unidentifiable urge to scratch my anus. He told me to switch from boxer briefs to plain old boxers (to help keep things aired out) and to keep using hydrocortizone cream for the rest of my life... and never, ever, EVER succumb to the urge to itch. Easier said than done.

I followed his advice, and for a short time the itching seemed to go away, but it's recently flared back up. Basically it works like this:

- Nothing feels out of whack down there (no skin flaps or bulging veins).
- No blood on my toilet paper or in my stool.
- No pain from bowel movements. In fact, my BMs don't seem to have any affect on the state of itchiness.
- Sitting alleviates the urge to itch almost immediately.
- Standing and walking aggravate the condition.
- Hydrocortizone doesn't always do the trick, so I've recently started using a generic version of Benadryl cream, which seems to be a little more effective.

Despite having two huge health care systems in my town, neither of them have a Proctologist. Do they go by a different name these days? We have several colo-rectal surgeons, but they seem to extreme for Mr. Itchy Ass 2007. I don't want to go back to my regular doctor, because, frankly, I think his prognosis was a bit weak.

Has anyone out there had a similar affliction? How did you ever find relief? Please help?! My anus is killing me!!! And I don't want to see any IANAD bullshit... I already figured as much.

My cat has crusty butt.

Mark — Fri, 26 Oct 2007 06:17:17 -0800

My cat has crusty butt. Help. Every three days or so I have to give my cat a bath and pick the crusts off his butt. Is there a solution to this problem or am I going to live the life of crust picking?

help me not pull my gluteus maximus

Anonymous — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 15:01:32 -0800

Ugh. How do I *not* pull my "butt" muscle? My butt muscle seems to cramp up fairly easily, sometimes when...uh...engaged in "lovin'" with my wife, sometimes in non-compromising positions. If I'm "cupping" my own butt, it would be the muscle where my pinkie or 4th finger is pointing...more or less. Looking at the picture on the Wikipedia entry, I would guess it'd be my Gluteus Medius...maybe. When the muscle cramps up, it's *really* painful, and I can't move *at all* for about 5-10 mins. It still hurts maybe 15-20 mins later. I'm in my 30's, skinny, and probably not in the greatest shape. Are there any exercises or stretches or something I can do to prevent/minimize this?

A question about butt hair

(bb|[^b]{2}) — Thu, 19 Apr 2007 11:10:03 -0800

There's a glut of butt-related questions on here, but I think mine has yet to be asked. If you don't like reading about butt problems, you should stop now. I have a very hairy butt - cheeks, crack, and hole. I also have a raging case of serious butt itchiness. I know there's at least one hemorrhoid lurking around down there, but I think I have fissures too (I know, I know. Lucky me!). Long story short, it's time to go see the doctor and get back on the road to non-scratchy-anus-ville.

My question is this: will the doctor be able to see the damage through all the hair? I'd hate to be misdiagnosed due to my butt foliage. Should I Nair the hair down there... you know, in my derriere (sorry, I couldn't resist)? I think having the doctor comb through my crack would be a little off-putting.

How can I learn to love an asshole (and I don't mean someone who is inconsiderate)

DarwinianDan — Mon, 26 Mar 2007 10:27:43 -0800

[GaySexFilter] Help me overcome being disgusted by buttholes. If I don't get over it soon, it's going to be a major problem for me in relationships. I'm a 25 year old male and trust me, I'm gay. No need to post responses like, "Are you sure you're gay?" I love men and men's bodies. I just can't seem to get over being totally grossed out by buttholes. I should tell you that I am a virgin, so I've never actually touched, licked, or sniffed one. But I've seen some porn and can't stand to watch the parts where they "rim." I can watch the actual sex, but I don't like looking at the hole. I just concentrate on other parts of the anatomy instead. If I were straight, this wouldn't even be an issue. But since I'm gay, I realize that most sex acts that gay men like to engage in require use of the brown hole.
The hairiness is kinda gross, but I think the slight brown skin color is nasty. I also have a problem with the fact that shit comes out of the butthole and it can't be entirely sanitary. Maybe you can wash it with antibacterial soap before use, but still...it's a shit pipe! Even if it is properly cleansed, it still icks me out. It wouldn't be very romantic if I asked to cover my partner's ass with saran wrap before I licked it.

Has anyone else ever been afraid of the big brown eye but learned to love it? Was anyone else afraid before they had sex the first time and then found out it wasn't so scary? Advice please. The question might sound absurd but it's actually a serious issue. Thanks!

My Ass is Killing Me!

drleary — Sat, 13 Jan 2007 17:45:09 -0800

I've recently been afflicted with hemorrhoids. What has worked the best for you guys? I've tried the normal PreperationH routine to no avail; all it left me with was a greasy butt. My doctor has prescribed Anosol-HC, but it hasn't started working yet. Doc said to give it a few days.

What has worked the best for you guys? I know this is the type of question that would be normally asked anonymously, but I'm an open kind of guy.

How to reduce a sweaty butt?

bd — Wed, 10 May 2006 20:00:22 -0800

How do I reduce the sweat in my butt? This is an extremely embarassing question. Everytime I get nervous (whether it be public speaking, standing on stage, etc.) I sweat profusely from my butt crack (I don't know any other way to say this). The sweat creates a stain which is even more embarrasing. How do I reduce or eliminate this sweaty problem?

Can you kick your own butt?

ThePinkSuperhero — Mon, 16 Jan 2006 19:05:39 -0800

Can you kick your own butt? Tonight in pilates class, we were doing this exercise where you lay flat on your stomach with your arms at your side, and you kick at the knee back toward your butt. Even though the teacher said not to, I was looking around at the other students (all women), and noticed while I could actually connect my foot to my butt, no one else came close. Am I a freak of nature? How many other people (women and men) can kick their own butt?

Lookin' in your big brown eye

FortyT-wo — Wed, 14 Dec 2005 00:26:12 -0800

My male cat puts his butt in my face. A lot. ¿Por que? My 7 year old kitty goes through these spurts of incredible neediness once or twice a day. They occur only when I'm at my computer, and involve him walking all over my desk, tromping on the keyboard, doing his whole-body-scrunch thing that means "pet meeee", and, most irritatingly, he starts with nudging his head on some part of me and turns around, tail in the air, with his backside toward me. Because I'm seated and he's on my desk, we're eye to brown-eye, so to speak. Kitty does this when he's got plenty of food, water and clean litterbox, so he's not really in need of anything, except attention. I'd be glad to give attention, but I'm not sure why it needs to involve his rear end. If he were a female, I'd think it was something mating-related, but since he's a boy, I assume it's not.

He's a cat, so I know I'll never stop him from doing it, and I doubt it's abnormal, but I'm really curious as to what he might be trying to tell me. I'm fascinated by animal behavior and the theories regarding their causes. Googling Cat Butt Face got me nowhere that anyone would want to be.

butt blood!

fabesfaves — Mon, 28 Nov 2005 17:36:48 -0800

Is blood coming from a cat's butt always serious? Nice start, eh? Yesterday was the second day where we discovered that our cat had eaten some of my hair. This was fairly obvious, as he was tracking his poop around with him by a strand of it hanging out of his rear end. I know--gross. Anyhow, I cleaned him up, and I know you aren't supposed to "pull things out of cats butts" because of the intestinal issue, but hair is so fragile that I figured it was ok. And anyhow, it came out really easily. I then had to wash/scrub his butt and the surrounding area because he had made quite a mess of himself. I'm sure I irritated this highly sensitive area for him, but what can ya do? The bottom line is--today, right after he pooped, I checked out his butt to make sure there was no trail (because now I'm worried that he's going to drag poop around with him all over the house) and he had a small amount of red blood on his anus. There didn't seem to be much, if any, on his poop, as far as I could tell in the littery mess. He also pooped yesterday after the incident, and it was just fine. Should I be worried? Does he need to see a vet? I know I should just ASK a vet but since it's late, I just wondered if anyone had any first-hand experience with this type of thing. I called the emergency vet and they said it sounds like it can wait until tomorrow, but I'm just wondering if I should even bother taking him to his regular vet. He is acting perfectly normal, eating, drinking, being himself, etc. He's also not vomiting, which is something the emergency people asked me. In addition to this main question, has anyone else had a cat who seemed to like to eat their hair? My hair is pretty long and it's hard to not get it all over the place--I try to clean up/vacuum a lot, etc. but he's still getting his hands on some somewhere!

What's wrong with my bum?

By The Grace of God — Thu, 10 Nov 2005 13:53:34 -0800

I'm having troubles with my tushy! So, I drop the kids off at the pool, as it were, and wipe, and I often see blood on the tissue (a small bit; slightly more when I use more pressure while wiping.) A digital examination reveals a slight bump at the edge of tush-hole, like a skin tag or something. Rectal itching sporadically but chronically. Note - I've had this problem for years. Is this a hemorrhoid? Has anyone else had such a thing? There's never any pain, but it's quite annoying. I use wipes now to keep clean and the occasional cortisone cream to control itching.

I will be going to a tush-ologist, don't worry.

What is the butt ghost?

cbecker333 — Tue, 27 Sep 2005 17:07:07 -0800

One or more times weekly, my cat Cooper is afflicted with a very strange problem. The skin on his lower back - near his tail - starts twitching. Like, a lot. He'll stop; turn his head with a sort-of pissed off look and STARE at the spot on his back while it continues to twitch. Eventually he starts licking the spot furiously. After a few seconds of licking, he'll explode from his position and go galloping across the room or - many times - the entire house. It can go on for as many as 10 minutes at times; this series of behaviors. It seems like he’s trying to run away from this invisible force – this “butt ghost” as I’ve come to call it. Can anyone explain this?

My cat has started wiping his butt on our bed.

ssmith — Sun, 11 Sep 2005 07:30:35 -0800

My cat has started wiping his butt on our bed. It's really distressing to come home to these long brown streaks on our sheets. It happened once before (about a month and a half ago) but he's done it 3 times this week. It's hard to keep him locked out of our bedroom - it's doable but tricky. Besides, I'm worried he'd just do the wiping on something that's not as easy to wash, like our couch.

He's a strictly indoor cat, although he's managed to escape a few times recently. I'm worried he picked up something nasty that's caused him to make this change in his behavior. He hasn't had any diet changes and he's only 5 years old.

I'm going to be taking him to the vet to see if something's wrong, but in the meantime what the hell can I do to stop him?

no, I'm not a back door man

Anonymous — Tue, 26 Jul 2005 16:26:17 -0800

I have haemorrhoids. Do I need to do anything about them? They are not painful, just a dull ache sometimes. I've never had surgery for anything besides dental work, and the thought of surgery just scares the bejeezus out of me. If you've had surgery for haemorrhoids, what has your post-operative experience been like? And will my haemorrhoids stabilize over the long term or get progressively worse? Are there any serious risks (like mobile blood clots) that could result from just leaving them be? Any other advice?