Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with burnout

Treat Yo' Self

ACEness — Fri, 05 Apr 2013 07:10:25 -0800

Setting aside an upcoming weekend as a "retreat at home". With a focus on relaxation, fighting off burnout and meditation. I was hoping for some recommendations for activities, guided meditations, books or inspiring films to view to make the most of this time. I've carved out an upcoming weekend with that time functioning as weekend retreat but at home. Lately I've felt an increased sense of burnout from work and my capacity for concentration and focus seems to be significantly depleted. My fear is that I'll end up wasting this time or worrying about all the things I need to do, so I am coming to you good folks for help.

I am planning to set up an OOO for work emails and Mrs. Aceness is aware of my plans (She is away that weekend). I wanted to avoid mindless internetting' and TV watching.

I want to set up some sort of structure to the weekend, so I was hoping for some recommendations for activities (at home - no physical restrictions), guided meditations, books or inspiring films to view so at the end of the weekend I am refreshed, recharged and ready to re-engage.

Thank you.

How do I keep motivating myself to do medical treatments?

Anonymous — Thu, 14 Feb 2013 06:08:47 -0800

How do I keep motivating myself to do medical treatments when I'm so tired, physically, intellectually and emotionally? I've been very very sick for two years (chronic, not cancer) - the type of sick where you have to quit your job, use a wheelchair, stop driving, and your social life gives way to lots of medical appointments. I'm constantly exhausted. Showering or brushing my teeth are major physical exertions.

I see a counsellor regularly, and I'm not Depressed, but I am burned out. I have carer's fatigue - and I'm caring for myself!

I'm finding it increasingly difficult to make myself do blood tests, Drs appointments, etc. They're tiring and stressful and painful and I'm starting to feel as though my health will never improve.

When trying to explain how burned out about medical treatment I was feeling, I told a friend recently that if I was diagnosed with cancer, I don't have the physical or emotional reserves to do chemo - I'd just lie down and die.

Drs have told me that I might be able to get better - maybe not 100% better, but a lot less fatigued and a lot better quality of life - if I do X, Y, Z exhausting medical treatments, but at the moment I am really struggling to force myself.

How do I keep going? I keep feeling like after every mountain of tests and treatment I crawl up, there's another, bigger mountain...

End of the road...oh no, more road.

Anonymous — Fri, 25 Jan 2013 09:11:00 -0800

How do I stop sabotaging my own plans to leave a badly fitting job? I joined a corporate organisation in 2008 because I wanted to pay off debt and save. I'd previously been a contractor in cultural institutions/non-profits and the adjustment period was really hard but I stuck it out to avoid being a flake and promised myself I'd move on soon.

2.5 years ago I was promoted to manager and although the first year was an interesting challenge I've been unhappy for pretty much the entire time since. I do like my colleagues but I'm uncomfortable managing people who were previously team mates. I also have next to no interest in the industry my job supports and the vast majority of my work revolves around the endless re-specification of a sprawling org-wide IT infrastructure project that my team has a small stake in, at the cost of the actual front end work we're supposed to be concentrating on. Churn (outside of my team) is high, restructures happen almost on a six monthly basis and I feel utterly burnt out.

So quit right? Except I can't seem to do it.

I tried the 'get a new job first' route. In April last year I applied for and was offered a similar gig that paid much more, but I turned it down as the company felt 'too corporate'. In September I again applied for and was offered a similar type of job but back in the kind of creative institution I would have given my right arm to work at 5 years ago. I actually got as far as accepting the job and handing in my notice - only to rescind a week later out of panic that I'd oversold myself and the role would be beyond me. I think I'm really just afraid of finding myself back in this position if I take any job I appear to be qualified for.

I applied for lots of less senior posts too but didn't get short-listed for interview. I even toned down my application for an internship at a big museum that had previously offered me a job back when I was contracting but didn't get so much as an acknowledgement. Having hired people to work in my own team I know how weird it is to get senior people applying for junior posts.

I'm now feeling so disenfranchised I want to cry constantly. The sheer effort of maintaining this veneer of caring about the work we do has worn me out. I feel like a terrible, horrible person for effectively lying to colleagues (of whom I'm generally very fond) for over five years. I feel I took a wrong turn at a critical junction five years ago and it's too late to go back. I'm 37 and seemingly too senior now for most front line production work back in my old sector but I don't have the confidence or practical chops to take on a management role there either. I can't access how I really feel about any of this any more and I feel like I'm barely alive.

Originally I'd promised myself that I'd only stick out the job until debts were paid and a specific amount was saved. I've built up three times that original sum and long since paid of that debt, with another six-months emergency fund on the side, yet every time a (self-imposed) deadline to quit comes up it slides past. I have no dependants and my job has a three month notice period so it's not like I'd be in penury in two weeks if I did quit but still I can't bring myself to do it.

I saw a therapist for nearly a year to help me move on, but all that seemed to happen was I talked my self even harder into staying. I have no idea what to do any more - I feel I have no skills other than pretending really effectively. I cry at the thought of Monday mornings and coming back after Christmas was so awful I actually called in sick for three days. I feel irritable and angry a lot of the time.

What the hell is wrong with me? How do I stop sabotaging my own plans? Has anyone else been through this? What did you do to make yourself move on?

It's like my body doesn't want to go back.

Anonymous — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 07:52:52 -0800

I have been on sick leave for the past 10 days due to first the flu, and then some flu-related complications. I am due to go back on Monday and I'm panicking, literally. The thought of going back to work made me burst out crying earlier this morning. I strongly suspect this is less about the flu right now, and more about general unhappiness with my work situation, and anxiety, but I'm a total mess. How do I pull myself together when I only have 72 hours left? My job is very mentally draining, as well as physically demanding, and I am suddenly not feeling up to it any more. I feel a lot of resentment about having to work long hours, including nights, always under pressure, making life-and-death decisions while sleep-deprived. I'd been doing this for 10+ years, and recently increased my hours for financial reasons. I am very thorough in my work, usually, and I truly give it my best. People used to comment about how enthusiastic I always seem. But now I feel like I have nothing left to give any more. It's like severe burnout, overnight edition.

The flu really tired me out, I feel tired just going from one room to another, or washing the dishes. Now whenever I think about going back to work, I literally want to puke, and/or start crying. Next week, I am supposed to work 8 AM to 7 PM four days out of seven, plus one day mid-week when I'm working 24 hours nonstop. There is no way to reduce my hours next week, or the following week, unless I quit, which is not an option.

What can I do, over the weekend, to physically and mentally prepare myself for this transition? How do I combat the panic? I guess what I need are some mental hacks to calm down and take it one day at a time. But also, I'm torn between taking all the naps I can and forcing myself to exercise. Aren't all those naps only making me weaker?

Any tips/advice greatly appreciated.

How do you stay sane on two weeks of vacation a year?

circumspice — Tue, 08 Jan 2013 19:43:36 -0800

I just accepted my first real job offer! I'm excited, but kind of freaking out about adjusting to a traditional working lifestyle. I'll be graduating from college this June and am slated to start full-time work in August. This will be my first ever real grown-up job. I've been a student my whole life, and I really like the rhythm of having semesters broken up by winter break and a long summer vacation. I've always taken challenging course loads and I'd say I have a strong work ethic, but after sprinting through the semester I really rely on long holidays to recalibrate and recharge.

At my new job I'll be starting off with the US-standard two weeks of vacation. I'm really psyched about the work I'll be doing, but doing anything for 50 weeks a year sounds excruciating to me. I've held two full-time summer internships in the past, and while I enjoyed them, by the end of the summer I was already starting to get bored and was glad to go back to school for a change of pace. The thought of doing the same job EVERY SINGLE DAY with only two weeks off each year just sounds so monotonous and exhausting. I really am looking forward to this job, but I still can't help but worry that I'll be sick of it within the first six months.

So, fellow working Americans, level with me: is this experience going to be as painful as I'm anticipating? How do you maintain this kind of schedule without getting burnt out? For anyone else who's struggled with this transition, how did you adjust?

Thin, sort of stretched, like butter scraped over too much bread.

Nomyte — Sat, 17 Nov 2012 11:08:38 -0800

I feel like I'm trying to do too many things at once, all of them poorly. I also feel that I'm doing myself a big disservice by being in this situation. I feel like my life is in total disorder. I feel like I'm losing the race, to be honest. I'm afraid that the only way to win the race is to run faster, which I'm finding very difficult. Sordid details following. I have a job that can take everything I throw at it and more. Most of what I do is new to me. This would be really cool if the stakes weren't as high. I find myself in scenarios like, "Nomyte, I don't have any graduate students that can do this, can you figure out this byzantine software that my project will be relying on for the next six months, oh, over the next two days?" Or, better, "Nomyte, can you figure out how to analyze these data so our research team can submit this conference abstract by the Friday deadline?"

I really don't like working without a net in an environment where mistakes mean costly setbacks. I get new tasks before I can finish old tasks. I am answerable to an ever-growing array of people. My remaining feelings for human cognitive research are disdain and loathing. (I do really like the technical aspects of the job.)

I am doing my best to get into grad school. I've been taking math classes essentially non-stop for the past three years, ever since I was hired by the university. This semester is my first graduate-level class. It's really, really hard to combine my job with graduate-level math. Classes are only offered during the day. I am late to class and late returning to work (it's a ten-minute drive each way). I turn in incomplete homework. We are assigned interesting problems, but solving them takes time, experimentation, and insight. Several times a week I stay up working on homework late into the night. Several days a week I have to come in to work early. Several days a week I end up staying at work late. I end up working two weekends each month, not to catch up, but because people actually expect me to be available to weekends. I am at work right now. I've spoken to my instructor about this, but it feels like I'm actively hurting my chances of getting into the program. My supervisor sympathizes with me and recommends making up late days and weekends with weekday comp time, but there's rarely opportunity for that. Since we're part of a public university, we really have to make do with the staff we have.

I try to keep up with basic exercise. I'll do a couple sessions of 100 Pushups, but then I'll have a string of days when I get by on 4-5 hours of sleep and can barely function. Sometimes I have time to cook, sometimes I don't. I often forget lunch. I barely read for pleasure anymore, and I can only keep up with Flash games. I'll start something and then be unable to come back to it for a week or more. I used to sketch. I want to sketch!

I try to make time for leisure, and I'm obviously on Metafilter right now. But whenever I take time off, I'm afraid I only slip further behind. If I'm watching a movie, I feel anxious about not working on homework, or reading textbooks, or figuring out new research equipment, or looking at grad schools. I don't have time to attend talks or formal training. Or, of course, I could be working on self-improvement projects, or that book translation that's been sitting on the back burner for the past six months, or, hey, I should've been planning to do independent research if I want to get anywhere. And laundry, gotta make time for laundry.

Is bedlam a big part of everyone's experience? My life is drab and I feel worn out. What steps can I take to make it better? How do I prioritize the pieces? This feels like one of those times when you have to work hard for a while and then it gets better, except it's been going on for years. I find myself getting jealous of the amount of time my graduate student housemates spend on leisure. I want a normal life, I want human relationships, I want personal fulfillment and financial security. I want my efforts to pay off. Help me get back on track and not get discouraged.

Career Advice for the Semi-Arts-Inclined?

socky mcsockerson — Sun, 28 Oct 2012 12:53:05 -0800

Artsy/music-y/indecisive-y person seeking career advice. Help me help myself. So here's my story: graduated from a Tier 1 university in 2008 with a bachelor's degree in music, had some successes as a performer, but wasn't very committed to that path. Since I was pretty directionless (other personal factors played into this), it took until I was about 3/4ths done with a master's degree program in music performance to admit to myself that this wasn't the right path for me. I was pretty depressed and burned out, and ended up leaving the program prior to completion. At the time, I felt I needed serious work experience in order to get some clarity as to an appropriate career path. During college and graduate school, I worked a variety of jobs (mostly part- and 3/4-time positions) primarily at higher ed. institutions, so after dropping out of grad school, I figured that my best bet would be to look for administrative jobs at colleges and universities. Half a year later, I ended up working as an executive assistant at another university, but realized that the work environment was very toxic. I stayed a little more than a year before transferring jobs over to a library at the same university, where I've now been working part-time. I'm enjoying my new work environment much more than my last, but I still need more information as to where to go from here.

With some extra time on my hands, I'm beginning to investigate courses/other part-time job-portunities, but I thought I'd ask you all for some perspective.

Me:

*INFP (yeah, I'm not an ardent Myers-Briggs fan, but it makes sense in my case, Forer effect notwithstanding)

*creative (music, visual art, textiles, working with my hands generally)--but more of a bit project person who works in spurts, not as good with long-ranging creative projects (requiring intensive planning, etc.) though I really wish that I could improve this.

*values autonomy and independent work, but has experience working in teams and in managerial roles.

*Can be counted on, responsible, reliable--I want to do my best work and I hate feeling like I'm slacking off.

*enjoys writing, humor, absurdity, and whimsy (these are...some things. Not sure how they play into jobs, but eh whatev).

Not me:

*Not wired for a 24/7 creative career. Tried that with music but accepted that I need a different kind of balance.

*I'm not "left-brained": so, not so great with numbers, not so great with "systems". Generally not very technical. This is also something I wish wasn't true.

*dislike research

*bad at self-promotion (part of the reason I left music)

*very uncomfortable telling other people how to live their lives, but am content to provide advice when requested

*uncomfortable with emotionally draining roles (i.e. I considered becoming a therapist/counselor, but decided it wasn't right for me for that reason)

Potential endeavors I've considered in the past, for better or worse:
-therapist/counselor (career counselor)
-librarian (possibly too detail-oriented/technical/research-oriented)
-stylist/cosmetologist (ruled it out b/c schooling and all things considered not great fit)
-design (clothing) --cannot pour money into school for this, but am considering self-training; maybe this could be a good side gig someday?
-administrator (arts?)-truly, my most recent admin job was a little traumatic.

The options above considered, let's just say if I could do it all over again/had a different brain to begin with, I'd have gone into sound engineering, graphic/web design, or luthiering. Maybe there's hope for me yet?

What do you think?

Sorry if I sound confused. I am. I might be thinking about this the wrong way. I'm all for cognitive reframing.

I can provide additional details on some other personal stuff that's kept me from exploring the things I'd like, but would rather do so through memail.

I'm burnt out, but still need to work.

Kololo — Fri, 08 Jun 2012 07:50:32 -0800

Consultants/Advisors/Strategists/etc: How do you keep doing a good job for your clients when you're burnt out and do not give a shit about the outcome of your work? I feel mentally "done" with my career, but because i don't yet know what my next step should be, I need to stick at it for a while. And i need to not suck so much, even though i can barely interest myself in completing the work. I've always been a procrastinator, but this is procrastination that is so much more! I'm a digital strategist at a large digital marketing agency, and i'm tired of killing myself to come up with new innovative ideas for clients who are often never going to implement the recommendations, or who are just having the project done as an internal exercise. (I.e. right now, i'm working on a 'mobile strategy' for a large retailer, and the client has basically said that they just need this document from us to provide them with credibility when they speak to the rest of the organization. They already have a strategy, they just want an outside consultant to say they agree. And for this i am staying up nights and missing my life? The pay is good but the satisfaction level is shit.)

I don't really know how to do the job well without caring about the job - by nature, i need to be very mentally engaged in the project in order to do good work.

I'm not going to look for a new job in this field - i know i'm not burnt out on my employer, i'm burnt out on my career. Until i figure out the next big step, i'm sticking with this job, probably for another 6 or 7 months - till the end of this year. By then i hope to have the 'next step' figured out.

Any tips? Either mental/psychological or simply process driven?

In house counsel, in house questions

5845(f)(1)(D) — Thu, 31 May 2012 06:59:41 -0800

Fellow lawyers: If all goes well, I hope to be extended an offer to go in house at a bank, after 7 years at big firms. Is there anything I should know, or any advice you can give? The in-house position would be a great opportunity, and I would almost certainly accept if given the offer. Is there anything I should know about going in house? Obviously, I'm at the end of the hiring process, and I've been interviewed by a dozen or so people already--so I do know a lot about the bank and how work gets done; how the lawyers interact with the bankers; what research resources are available; how the legal team works with each other and with outside counsel, etc.

I haven't yet asked about whether they support pro bono work, and some of the soft benefits (covering CLE, bar fees (and how many; I'm admitted in multiple jurisdictions))--the kind of stuff you would likely ask at the offer stage.

What might I be overlooking? What did you learn the hard way when you went in house? What should I ask before I accept?

Bonus question: I'm good at what I do and I work hard. But I'm a bit burned out from the law firm rat race, and a lot of what I'd be doing would be new to me. I feel totally scattered right now, and shaking up my practice is intimidating. I think the more predictable hours at a bank--time to recharge, time to exercise--will help get my mind on straight again, and I would take a little time off before starting. But I gots the jitters. Any advice on calming the nerves in these scenarios?

Help me get over burnout

Anonymous — Thu, 17 May 2012 08:29:39 -0800

How do I push through feeling burnt-out? I feel like I'm having a midlife crisis and I'm only in my mid-thirties. I recently left a job (and moved to a different state) that I essentially liked, but was in a toxic environment that was wearing me out. I was unemployed for a while and just when I started feeling ok about it I got another job that at first sounded really exciting and then turned out to be just as toxic. I have been looking for other jobs and an interesting possibility has just come up, but it's hard to be excited about it. I go through periods of being really hopeful and feelings of just being tired and overwhelmed.

I like my industry in general (I'm in IT and make a decent living), but I am having a really hard time caring about my career. I find myself looking for ads for jobs that are close to my house no matter what they are, but I live in a small town and nothing close by pays enough money to support my lifestyle. Honestly if I didn't need money to pay for a mortgage, at this point I'd consider working in Hallmark or something like that. I'm married and my spouse is incredibly supportive and has a stable job, but I feel bad for not wanting to do the things I need to do to take care of us the way my spouse deserves.

So I guess what I need is a pep talk and advice about how to push through feeling burnt out. I know the best thing is to find a job where I'm reasonably happy and be happy about what is honestly a really great life, but strategies for getting over this hump would be much appreciated.

How can I stop being constantly unhappy?

pikeandshield — Mon, 23 Apr 2012 09:02:02 -0800

Badly burnt out student - with wider questions on how to stop my ‘missing-out’ syndrome. 22 years old, female, enrolled on a health policy-related masters programme in the UK after a science undergrad. My course is astonishingly badly organised and taught (but with massively long contact time), such that I’m now just completely burnt out: anything that might have spurred any interest before I now can’t bring myself to have any other reaction than active bitterness or passive ‘I can’t give a shit’. Before, I had envisaged myself building a long-term career in the field - now I don’t know whether I just hate my course, or whether I hate the discipline altogether, and am having a crisis over my future career as well.

This uncertainty and the feeling that I’m wasting my year (especially compared to my contemporaries), have thrown me into a state of constant unhappiness. I can’t remember what it means to truly have fun with friends/activities etc (rather than the momentarily enjoyable diversions they have become now). I just feel tired, ALL the time, without motivation to do anything (like even clean my room); I know I should be going to all the seminars/career events etc, but the mere thought of ‘networking’ makes me want to be sick. I have exams in about a month I can't take seriously, and a thesis to write that I have little more than indifference to. Diligence and work ethic are almost conditioned in me since I was young, so my grades aren’t falling (yet, anyway) - but I feel steadily more awful as I study. Sometimes I feel that the walls are closing in around me, with no way out - or even if I find a way out, it won’t make a difference because there’s nothing worth it waiting on the other side anyway.

I know I should just slow down, and realise it’s okay for me to have meandered this year, or not to have found my career calling from this masters. But this is part of my problem: I have an almost pathologic ‘missing-out-on-opportunity’ anxiety. I’m always worrying about the future, and that if I’m not always ‘on’, I will miss out on the opportunities that will come by and somehow miss out on ‘life’. Objectively, I might appear to be living life to the full (wide hobbies, academics, life experiences abroad, internships etc) - but it’s never enough, and I've never stopped feeling inferior to others. If I’m not constantly on the most efficient possible trajectory towards some ideal, I feel anxious; my current uncertain situation fills me with dread. I *know* this fixation on success and opportunity is unhealthy for my long-term wellbeing, but I can't seem to get myself out of it.

[If it helps - I generally behave as a MBTI INTJ, but am deep down an INFJ - an utter idealist and romantic at heart. Things of humanitarian nature or that display the richness of life (literature, culture, history etc) fill me with inspiration; on the other hand, moral wrongs fill me with indignation and I have little patience for something I feel does not have intrinsic value. Looking back, I always enjoyed the humanities at school: although I liked the puzzle-solving aspect of science in how concepts linked together, I’ve always been naturally drawn to the study of words, history, people, and thoughts. I went down the science route because I was good at it. Maybe this is the root of all of my problems - because I can't find intrinsic inspiration or value in what I'm doing.]

So, a few questions:
1) How do I salvage my current situation, in terms of bringing back motivation towards my immediate tasks and rekindling enjoyment in my life?
2) How do I deal with my ‘missing-out-on-life’ syndrome, so that I’ll be able to become a happier person in the long-run?

I'm sorry if that was an incoherent mess. Thank you all in advance!

Help me get motivated again

Anonymous — Fri, 06 Apr 2012 08:06:21 -0800

I have been unmotivated to do pretty much anything outside of work for a several months now. Help me get back on the horse. I’m not sure if I’ve burned myself out or if I’m depressed or if I have OCD.

Since the summertime, I was working a full time job, as well as doing contract work for one client, on the side. The contract work wasn’t much more than 10 hours/week, in the busier weeks. I love what I do. The full time job became kind of stressful around September; there was just too much work for one person, coupled with the fact that I was still learning how to do the job. There was a risk that I was going to lose my job. So I spent a lot of time teaching myself stuff outside of work (besides not wanting to lose the job, I also wanted to learn to advance my career). It was stressful, but I didn’t mind too much because I really loved what I was doing, I knew it was temporary, I had the drive, and I’m young and single. Also, the contract work that I do essentially allows me to work as much or as little as I want, so as my main job became more stressful, I did less contract work. During this period of time, I still made a point to go out with friends a couple times a week, and I was getting light daily exercise.

A few months ago, we hired another person so I would have help, and he’s been great.

BUT, since we’ve hired him, and the pressure is off, I’ve had no motivation to do anything outside of work.

I go to work, and I’m happy and motivated. I go out a couple times a week with friends, and I’m fine there too. But when I come home, I just don’t want to do anything.

I let myself relax for a few weeks. But the lack of motivation has continued, and not just in terms of work. I don’t want to cook or clean or shop for things I need or respond to email from my parents.

I guess for a while, I was kind of depressed…I was frustrated with my lack of love life and the fact that I had strong feelings for someone who wasn’t single (he did not know this). I would come home and procrastinate on facebook and online. I eventually shut down my accounts to try to motivate myself to do something, but I’ve since replaced that with really long showers, picking at scabs, and staring into space, trying to convince myself to do something. I don’t LIKE doing any of these things. I would rather read, watch TV, cook something, see friends…in some twisted way, I feel guity doing things I enjoy when I have a hundred other things that I should be doing. I’m getting overwhelmed just with little things…tidying my apartment, writing a page for contract work, paying my Visa online….I feel so guilty and overwhelmed, I’ve been responding by not doing anything at all.

My life is really good. I have everything I want… I love my job (both the tasks and the people). I have good friends, loving family, I’ve been seeing a wonderful guy, and I have a social, active hobby. All I really want is to further develop my career, relationships, and hobby; further develop myself, and drive things for my contract client.

Part of the issue is that I’ve had a really hard time getting to bed at a decent hour. I will typically get 5 hours of sleep each night. I know that more sleep will help with motivation. But at this point I stay up, procrastinating, and if I end up doing anything at all, I’ll start at 11:30, 12:00…I have some sort of obsession with staying up late. In part because I feel guilty that I haven’t accomplished anything. Essentially, I’m having a hard time convincing myself to go to bed.

I’m wondering also…maybe this was depression, but now it’s passed and I’ve just gotten myself into a routine of staying up and not doing anything. I have a pretty regular routine of boring time-wasters. Does anyone have any ideas for breaking this routine?

I need to get myself out of this rut. Any suggestions for getting back on the horse?

Also, regarding lack of sleep - getting to bed at a decent hour is something I've struggled with since I was a kid. I'll be able to force myself to keep a bedtime, and then I'll regress back into the late nights. Tips for managing this are appreciated.

Serious Getaway Destinations for a Burnout

Anonymous — Wed, 04 Apr 2012 19:24:33 -0800

Life/work-break destinations and activities for a person with a severe case of career burnout? Looking to take 6 weeks off. I recently reached a critical state of burnout with my career. I figured when you lie awake in bed and can't get to sleep because your work has no meaning anymore but your work is your life so your life has no meaning, it's time to take a serious break.

My career is my dream job, so I don't want to quit and do something else. I'm being as proactive as possible and I have the luxury of being able to take off for 6 weeks starting mid-July. I'm not doing this because I want to, I'm doing this because I have to.

I'm looking for destination suggestions- places where I can get away from my reality, and have the option to either veg out all day or do engaging things like learn to surf or scuba. Yes, it has to be on the water. Swimming in the ocean every day is going to be a big part of the healing process for me. I'm looking at Costa Rica or Belize, but I'd love other suggestions. Full resort accommodations are unnecessary, but I would like AC at night. My budget for the whole trip is about $5k.

I'm also seeking suggestions for activities that are going to refresh and recharge my mind and body.

Just knowing that I'm going to take this trip is a tremendous relief- I've never taken a non-working vacation in my adult life, so I want to do this one right. No work, little contact with life back home, pure bliss.

Thank you!

Burnt to a crisp!

indognito — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 10:55:09 -0800

Juggling burnout at work with searching for a new career: any suggestions? After 10 years at a job that wasn’t the greatest fit to start with, I am rather burnt out. When I am at work it’s a struggle to work, and when I’m not at work it’s a struggle to do anything besides mindless/escapist type activities. Any sort of career change or simply finding a new job in the same field will require a massive output of energy: applying for jobs, going on interviews, going back to school, etc.

Frankly, I just don’t feel up to it. I’m so blah when I get home from work that doing anything that is not totally fun and relaxing is like pulling teeth. Aside from finding a new career, I’d also like to volunteer and/or make some new social connections, but I just don’t have the energy.

It seems like I had a little more fire a couple of years ago, when I was convinced I would make it either as a communications professional or freelance writer. For several years I spent nearly all my free time writing and trying to get published, and volunteered for almost a year writing newsletters and press releases for a local nonprofit. Neither panned out into a new career, obviously, and I look back on those days with mild amazement that I had the energy for this sort of thing.

I am aware that I'm lucky to have a job in the first place, and quitting it without having something else lined up isn't an option.

Further complications: I consider myself a fairly mediocre employee at my current workplace (in part because it's a struggle to focus on work while I'm there and not just surf the web all day), and this does not do wonders for my confidence in job hunting. I’ve applied to many other jobs over the last decade and landed one interview, but bungled it because I became tongue-tied and panicky halfway through. I find it hard to sell myself in an interview when deep down, I really don’t think I’d be the greatest employee.

Also possibly relevant: I have ADHD, depression and social anxiety issues, for which I am in therapy and receiving medication.

If anyone has any tips for how to rouse up some much-needed motivation, I'd sure like to hear it. I don't want to spend another 10 years feeling trapped and exhausted at my current job.

What are some alternative careers for people with a background in programming?

deathpanels — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 08:56:10 -0800

What are some alternative careers for people with a background in programming? I'm a former compsci student with a background in math/physics as well. I've spent most of my time out of school working in various programming and web jobs but always planned that programming would be a temporary thing I do in my 20s before moving on to something more satisfying and/or relevant to my career ambitions. I'm currently feeling pretty burnt out and contemplating what I might set myself to be doing in a few years.

What are some career paths that someone with this background could reasonably take on?

Leaving a job after an equity event/payout?

Anonymous — Mon, 05 Dec 2011 17:18:36 -0800

I need help/thoughts on deciding whether to stay or walk after a small equity payout. I work for an Internet company (in business capacity, not technical) that is in the process of changing hands. I have a small equity stake and will net out with just a hair over six figures, which should land in my bank account in about two weeks. I have another ~$30k liquid in the bank.

In addition to being burnt out at this company, and to a lesser degree the industry, I am in a really bad situation with a new boss who doesn't seem to like me AND seems clueless for working with remote employees (which, technically we both are, but we're in different cites). I think if he had the power at this point he might have already let me go, but considering that he's new to the parent company I think he's kind of in the "probationary period" with that sort of thing. I'm not a big fan of his either, but I've been trying to make the best of a bad situation and not making a lot of headway.

I would really like to take this money and leave the job, taking just a couple of months off to decompress but also take the time to start working on something of my own OR to make a career change. But I'm scared of failure, of course. There is a greater than zero chance that I'll be let go in the spring any way due to restructuring. If that happens it's very possible I could walk away with a nice severance package. If it doesn't happen I'll have missed some significant opportunities in the industry (which given the burn out might not be the worst thing).

If I walk soon after getting this payout I could start looking for a position elsewhere and have a decent shot of landing something interesting/challenging which may or may not make me relocate. My preference is to work where I am as I own a lovely home that I'm loathe to leave. I've put feelers out and a few people seem interested, but my job and the tight knit industry make it challenging for me to full-out look/apply for jobs while I'm employed by my current company due to NDA/contracts.

I could really use some words of wisdom, thoughts on various scenarios or warnings if you have them. Is walking without having something set up the worst idea EVER? Is starting a business of my own in this economy a nutso proposition?

Further data points: I'm female, early 40s, make about $145k but need considerably less to meet my expenses/lifestyle minimums (I'm prone to be a bit lavish at present, but know how to tighten a belt), I live in the middle of the country, will pay off car loan which will leave me with zero debt beyond the home loan. If I was responsible (but not crazy frugal) with the funds from this event they would last me over two years without a problem if I couldn't find work or start up my own something.

I'm burned out.

squirtle — Thu, 17 Nov 2011 19:39:26 -0800

I burned out. Help me get through writing a paper and studying for two exams this weekend. I just walked out of a calculous quiz and am sitting in the hallway waiting for the rest of the class to finish as I'm typing this. I'm showing classic signs of burn out. I had plenty of time to study for it, but every attempt at studying had me on the verge of tears. The past few weeks had been a nightmare academically and I'm at the end of my rope. I'm a straight A student and can't mess up now that the semester is wrapping up. I have a paper to write and two exams to study for this weekend, so please give me tips on how to cope with burn out while I get things done.

What's going on here?

xm — Fri, 16 Sep 2011 19:59:39 -0800

Confused, lost and looking for suggestions to get back on track. I finished a doctorate very, very recently. For years I'd go to work, think of work while walking, talking to people, doing dishes, doing laundry and chores, sleeping and waking up. I feel messed up now. I can't make decisions properly. I am not even talking career decisions. It can be as simple as deciding what to eat for dinner. I have no motivation nor an idea what to do with my life and myself. What the hell is the purpose of life? I don't know. For years I had a goal to look forward to and I never really planned any for afterwards. I cannot believe I have a few more decades to live like this.
To make matters worse, I am single and the very few friends I have right now will be moving away very soon. I feel so lost and...alone. I think it will truly hit me when my friends leave in a few months. While I have mostly been alone by choice for most of my life...something seems terribly missing. I am not sure if its a companion, a goal, or fun? I don't even know how to have "fun" anymore. Is it possible to even relearn that?

Is this normal? Is this burn-out? Will having fun *fix* me for good? Is it normal to feel this way post-phd? I am looking for serious, non-generic answers. I would especially love to hear from folks who have been down that road after a major life-event.

How to make myself overrule my brain and body burning out? burnout?

greatalleycat — Fri, 02 Sep 2011 16:53:29 -0800

Feeling burnt out recently, but cannot go on a vacation or anything right now. How do I deal with this without stepping off the hamster wheel? I do have the Labor Day weekend off. I work quite a few hours a week (small newspaper, family business) around 50 on average and am not going on a real vacation until the winter for a ski trip. I feel my body and sometimes my brain are shutting down on me, especially since it's fall allergy season now, which makes me tired. This affects my job, since I often work over 10-hour days and includes a lot of editing and formatting copy (reader and reporter submissions).
I have started going to exercise classes a couple times a week, but I mostly end up going home and vegging out on Internet when I get home late. This delays me going to sleep sometimes, keeping the cycle going. By Friday, I am barely able to get out of bed and I have to write stories occasionally on the weekend to keep up with deadline. Any tips on how to keep my burnout, health and sanity at bay when I still have to come into work? The last few days it's been hard, since I feel so tense since if I know if I stopped and relaxed, I would fall off the wheel and no longer want to work.

Super-successful fears for future

mistertoronto — Tue, 02 Aug 2011 13:18:33 -0800

Where should/is my career-life headed next? I work in the journalism industry in Canada, in my late 20s.

I've been uber-successful very early in my career, multiple national and international awards, a promotion, a raise, respect from peers and colleagues, speaking engagements at conferences, leeway with vacation time from my manager and a lot of one on one time with the senior management. In many cases when meetings occur I'm the lowest one on the totem pole, but essentially the one trusted to make the decision of the meeting happen. I'm the Golden Boy.

What happens to these very early successful and ambitious workers? burnout? move to a different company? management? etc? What are some of the examples of what this means for the next 5-10 years of my career? Do they actually expect to maintain this pace the entire time? Do you see a lot of early success-ites buckle down just ride it out as long as possible?

Where should/is my career headed next?

I'd like not to have an argument, please

tel3path — Sun, 10 Jul 2011 12:29:21 -0800

My mother threw out a number of things during a redecoration. She told me to look through them to make sure nothing precious was getting thrown out. The thing is, I thought I had plenty of time to do this before a planned trip to the thrift store a few weeks from now. I didn't realize that a number of these things would get thrown outside next to the garbage cans to get rained on. Among them was an irreplaceable (AFAIK) VHS tape of my late father competing in a TV quiz show. My mother cannot understand why this upsets me, has several arguments for why she is right, and I feel unable to cope with arguing about it. Please tell me what to say! I live with my elderly mother, who recently redecorated the living room. In doing so, she cleared out all of the bookshelves and set several boxes of stuff aside for decluttering. The local thrift store is closed for the next few Saturdays, but when it opens, I am to check through the stuff to see what is worth keeping, and take the rest of the stuff away in the car (my mother doesn't drive).

As part of that, my mother has been saying I might want to check through another batch of stuff. I guess I wasn't giving it my full attention, because a few days ago I saw a big heap of books and things outside next to the garbage cans. Outside, as in exposed to the elements, getting rained on several times, and so on. I didn't realize she was just going to toss stuff outside, and I didn't much like it, but whatever.

About half an hour ago I went to take out the garbage, and in the recycle bin I found an old VHS tape of a TV quiz show my late father competed in a decade ago. Self-recorded and irreplaceable, as far as I know. It had been among the things left out in the wind and the rain.

On discovering the tape in the trash bin, I asked my mother if this was the tape of my Dad on the quiz show and she said I don't know, whatever. I guess she realized I was upset, because she pointed out that I should have looked through the stuff when she told me to, and she wasn't totally careless because she piled the stuff up in a way that some of it wouldn't have gotten rained on. (It looked like a tumultuous heap to me, but there it is.)

Beyond that, she seems to be totally uncomprehending as to why this would upset me. I explained that this tape featured Dad competing on a TV show and is clearly labelled with the name of the show, and that I was afraid it would have gotten damaged. Again, she pointed out I should have looked through the stuff. I also explained that I didn't know she was going to toss it all outside, and she pointed out that it's not a certainty that any or all of the stuff got damaged, and was I wanting to transfer the tape to DVD, or what.

Now in order to see if the tape is damaged or not, I'm going to have to look at it. (My mother doesn't know how to operate a VHS recorder, so getting her to do it isn't an option.) I can't defend this on rational grounds, but as long as I hadn't seen the tape, I still had one more moment with my Dad. I can't handle looking at it right now. Especially if it's damaged, but even if it's not.

Now, to be fair, she has no idea that I feel the way I do about postponing watching the tape. But even without that, she seems genuinely uncomprehending as to why this would upset me. Trying to get my point across, I took the picture of her great-grandmother off the shelf and said, "Well, look, you wouldn't like it if I just tossed this outside, would you?" She told me not to be stupid.

I just removed myself from the situation because I didn't know what else to say. I've upset her too, now, of course.

Here is my question: what do I say?

My Dad was verbally abusive for quite a lot of my childhood, though he improved later on in life, and I'm not sure what this has to do with it other than that I don't want to upset my mother, and that it's especially important for me to resolve this with integrity.

I've also spent many years reading books on how to be assertive and communicate clearly and make I-statements and hold my own. I've used these skills to great effect over the years, and they're the only reason I was able to hold my own at all during some terrible situations, including some life-threatening ones (trying to get a diagnosis for the cancer that killed my Dad, to name one). There was an incident over a year ago where someone kept me in a room for two hours demanding that I sign a document that was full of defamatory and false statements about me. By the power of my assertiveness skills, I held my own, but I'm still experiencing a bit of PTSD about that and the whole situation around it (I'm on the waiting list for EMDR, supposedly, but there's no sign of progress there). It's just that it all seems so arduous. Like so very, very much effort for so very, very little reward. I mean, my Dad got his diagnosis just before he died, and the person with the document made a strategic withdrawal and found another way to defame me later on, so, yay? It was worth all that arguing and consulting people and careful rhetorical planning of what to say and the exact correct manner in which to say it? I guess.

My way of dealing with people who I don't have to deal with, when they have upset me beyond endurance, has been to withdraw. How sweet this has been. No more getting smacked around emotionally, no more having my vulnerabilities used against me. However, I don't think ignoring my mother for the rest of her life is going to be quite as satisfying.

The thing is, I don't want to be rational and collected and use my I-statements and assertiveness-fu. I also don't want to yell and scream and rant and rave. I just want this conflict to go away and not to have happened. Maybe it would if I could make myself feel all right, but I don't think that would count in terms of resolving this with integrity. And I know that withholding is a pretty abusive thing to do in itself, so continuing the way I am is also wrong.

So, to repeat the question, MeFites: what do I say? Can I fix this with integrity, but without arguing about it? Maybe it would be better if I just give up? I suppose I'd get over it, and any damage is already done. So shouldn't I just say it doesn't matter? Or we can agree to disagree or something? Or maybe tell her she's right because in fact, she is right, and I'm just too pigheaded to see that?

What do I say?

I don't want to go home but I can't stay here

Anonymous — Thu, 16 Jun 2011 19:42:14 -0800

What retail skills translate to other industries? (Anonymous because I don't want anyone to know I'm trying my ass off to leave)

I'm a retail manager, and I am massively burned out on retail management. I have been in my current situation for a year and a half now, and I have a college degree as well. Even given the current state of the economy, I'm sure I could be useful somewhere... But where?

My background is mostly other retail (store management, customer service, sales, visual merchandising, etc), and my employer kind of has a crap reputation as a retailer, so I'm very worried about how my resume might be percieved by another type of business looking at me. The reason for my burnout is simple... I have about 40 hours of straight management duties per week, that only I as the store manager can do, but most of the time, we have single coverage in the store, so I have to fit all that in, plus daily shipments, plus customer service. It's easily a 70 hour workweek we have to fit into less than 50. It's insane, and I just can't keep it up. But, I have to eat somehow, since I have no SO to nake a plan with, and sadly, the cats are only three and four, so they can't work for a few years yet.

So, basically, with a retail background, where else can I go?

Burnt Out, Pissed. Would like to change that.

Anonymous — Thu, 26 May 2011 18:26:08 -0800

How can I be less of a jerk when I feel like the universe is lobbing lemons at my head? Work is getting worse, and I have to deal with what feels like more jerky behavior from both coworkers and clients. (My work is a high pressure job where emotional outbursts, though not frequent, are not uncommon.)

I notice at these times I feel like hiding, but since I can't hide, I start feel bitter and angry at the people around me. Sometimes this might come out in an annoyed quip, but usually I just let it simmer.

What concerns me is that I used to be (or at least I imagined myself as) a much more compassionate, patient, and kind person. I feel like I've gone through a complete 180 in the past two years, and now it's all about what I can get, since I feel nobody seems to give a crap about me anyways. And who will look out for me if I don't look out for myself?

And yes, I am probably exaggerating about how bad it is...there are nice people I interact with...but it's those ugly memories of some little imagined insult or snub or outburst that remain with me when I go home, not so much the good times.

I exercise, I'm in good health, and home life has its ups and downs, and I don't think I'm depressed. I still have some pretty good feelings throughout the day. I feel more angry than sad. I feel like a child who is asking "why me" and tired of feeling like the target of people's ire or dissatisfaction.

I might consider therapy if things get worse, but I'd like to know what I can do now to start getting back on track to being a more carefree, gentle, and compassionate person in a somewhat toxic environment. I would like to stop feeling that the whole world is against me, and that I'm always fighting the odds. Please help me get some perspective. Maybe I'm asking too much of myself...should just allow myself to be angry everyday and think, "fuck you" to the world?

Note: I have tried meditating in the past, didn't do much for me. And I can't leave my job for some time. (I did enjoy my job in the past, but these days it just doesn't feel that way.)

Professional options for a burned out lawyer?

Anonymous — Wed, 11 May 2011 18:50:39 -0800

Help me get out of the legal profession, before it kills me. So, I've been a personal injury defense attorney in NYC for about 12 years now. Unfortunately, it took me that long to realize how much I hate it. Too many conflicting obligations and deadlines, too much to keep track of. The stress is just too much, and I'm not handling it well anymore.

The problem is, I'm 40 years old, have bills to pay, and have never really done anything else. I went right from working crap retail jobs to law school, and it took me a very long time to acknowledge what a bad idea this has all been.

So, I need some helpful advice as to where to go next. What sort of avenues of employment can a lawyer burned out on the profession actually reasonably seek out, and have a decent chance of obtaining a decently paying job? I have no real ideas at this point, am on the verge of intense depression, and could really use some advice.

Throwaway email if necessary: legalburnout@gmail.com

Why did my electric motor stop?

telstar — Tue, 19 Apr 2011 00:08:07 -0800

What in an overdriven, broken electric motor is "burned out"? I've overdriven a few electric motors (magnets and windings type) to the point where they suddenly stopped working (i.e. turning under electrical power). When I go and inspect the busted motor, I can't see anything obviously different about it in contrast to how it looked when it worked. So what changed?