Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with burnout

Emotional Switzerland -- I'm Neutral

Anonymous — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 07:37:27 -0800

Is it possible to burn out WITHOUT getting depressed?... Lately I've been feeling a little apathetic about some things -- a few of the activities I've been pursuing, some job-related things, etc. -- and it got me wondering whether I may be in a sort of "burnout" phase.

Except -- everything I'm reading online about what burnout is also indicates that sufferers also feel depressed and moody and pessimistic. And -- I don't. I'm not isolating myself from ALL my friends, I still get excited about hanging out with some. I still get glimmers of excitement about stuff here and there. Ask me how I'm doing, and I generally feel fine, pretty pleasant. My overally mood is actually pretty upbeat.

But often, when I think about picking up this or that project, I just sort of shrug and go "meh." Sometimes if I think about going to a couple of the regular weekly things I've got going on, I just decide I don't feel like it and stay home, even though I end up doing nothing. When I think about what I want to do careerwise, if I want to change things, I honestly don't feel like I WANT to do anything. I'm just sort of....in neutral, and I'm not bothered by that. (Well, except for being slightly bothered about NOT being bothered by that, but I think that's different.)

It's very possible this could be temporary, but -- what is this? IS this burnout, or just a more fleeting and temporary "you're just taking a mental time-out right now"? I am temporarily working longer hours at my job, which require me to get up earlier, so could just the fatigue be all this is? (If it is, that ends in a couple weeks, so that could fix this right there.)

thanks -- I'm just not used to not wanting things, so this is new territory.

A new career for a burned out pastor?

Pater Aletheias — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 10:56:07 -0800

Career brainstorming filter: Help me help my minister friend think creatively about a midlife second career. The basics: like me, he's a minister, located in a congregational setting doing traditional church ministry. But he's getting burned out and wants to find another career.

He's well educated, but all his training is ministry-related. A bachelor's in Biblical Studies, a 90-hour Master of Divinity degree and a Doctor of Ministry.

What he likes about ministry: helping people, being a leader, research and communication, analyzing the congregation as a system and helping it work better. He's really good at the "big picture" stuff, and every church he's been at has grown while he was there. He's not pushy, but people follow his lead because of his high competence levels and he likes setting the direction. What he doesn't like: lack of privacy, role ambiguity, (competing expectations from lay leaders and the congregation), lack of autonomy (i.e., being over-ruled by his eldership board on matters where he frankly knows more than they do.)

So he'd like something where he can either be his own boss or at least have the authority to get things done. If necessary, he could go back to school for a couple of years. He's got a stellar graduate GPA and something like a 1250 on the GRE, so getting into a good school shouldn't be a problem. He's thought about seeking licensure as a marriage and family therapist (LMFT), but isn't sure how likely it would be to get back to his current salary--$70,000 + family health insurance. He doesn't necessarily need quite that much, but getting in that ballpark is a plus.

I think the main thing is that he always, only, wanted to be a minister, and just hasn't ever thought about other options. But he's seriously burned out and needs some help thinking about what other careers might be a good fit. Anything to help him spark an idea, or even advice about how to go about finding a second field, could be useful.

Thanks for helping us think through this!

Is there such as things as too much dating?

Anonymous — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 07:21:26 -0800

I feel like I am exerting a lot of energy towards dating without much return. I have fun while doing it, but since I rarely meet someone who lasts more than a date or two, it’s starting to feel like an exercise in futility. I have dating quantity, but how do I get quality? Obligatory History [aka too much information and self-justification, but of course, open to criticism]:

I’m female, mid-twenties, and sexually attracted to men. I really like meeting new people and going on dates. I’m good at first date small talk. I have eclectic taste, and enjoy hearing about people’s lives. I like men, I like feeling feminine and I like flirting. I am somewhat picky about whom I go out with, since I’m really happy with where I’m at in my life, but that just means that as long as I don't get "creep" vibe, I generally say “yes” whenever I get asked out. I don’t play games (the Rules, etc.,), but I don’t feel desperate. I’m cautious and traditional, so first and second dates are casual and non-physical, for the most part.

Over the last year, I’ve really made an effort to be open to meeting men, even though it’s harder now that I am out of college.
I’ve:
Gone out with men who are not necessarily my type, physically or personality-wise.
Given men my phone number.
Gone out with men that I’ve met online.
Spent time doing what I enjoy doing (classes, gym, volunteering) and have thus met men with similar interests.

The problem is that despite meeting lots of great men, I have yet to "click" with a guy...who is actually single, straight, and available -- the sad truth, as much as I loathe sounding like a rerun of "Sex and the City."

I don’t want anything serious right away; I don’t want to be married right now nor do I believe in the notion of soulmates. However, to be mutually attracted to someone physically and intellectually, long enough to date for even a month or two sounds like heaven at this point.
"Chemistry “ is starting to feel like a romantic fantasy, something akin to waiting for Prince Charming.

Sometimes the men are unavailable or just not interested in going out again, but for the most part, I end things after a date or two or three.
I’ve been told by friends that I’m too picky, or that I am too much of a minority (religious and liberal), but isn’t the idea of a connection that you just feel it? I agree that it is picky to judge guys on looks, income level or education, but if you don't feel an attraction, or if you don't share a sense of humor, or if they are so dull you'd rather go home and do laundry, then I think it is nicer to just break it off, so I do.

I feel too young to be burnt out, so I need some new ideas about where to go from here, some encouraging stories or a (not too harsh!) reality check.

email: datinganddisappointed@gmail.com

I have a fever and the only solution is ...

shownomercy — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 11:29:34 -0800

How to recharge after a horrible work situation? Let's assume this job had a little of everything: office politics, inept coworkers and supervisors, pointless bureaucracy regarding time off and sick days, constant unpaid overtime for jobs that could have been completed on time had they been arranged differently, knowledge beforehand from the managers that a project would require constant OT to be completed, pointless soul sucking work, etc.

Obviously changing a career is a bit much, but the 2 weeks off didn't really help at all. Any advice?

Solutions for burnout

Anonymous — Wed, 06 May 2009 08:24:42 -0800

I feel stressed out, fat, and awful. Do I need therapy, weight watchers, a medication adjustment, or to just buck up and exercise? I have a two year old and a demanding job. I am dealing with others' demands from 7:30 am to 9:00 pm each weekday and it is starting to catch up with me.

At the end of each weekday I feel exhausted and I fall into unhealthy habits. I eat unhealthy foods, I eat too much, I don't exercise because I am so tired at the end of the day, but at the same time I wind up staying up late zoned out surfing the internet so that I can mentally shut off.

Weekends are better, I spend time outside and getting some fresh air and exercise, my daughter is usually better behaved, I go to bed at a more reasonable hour and I feel more relaxed.

Quitting my job is not an option in this economy as I support my family. However I am starting to feel burned out and I need to do something to improve 5/7 of my week.

I have bipolar 2, I have been taking medications for it for years, and I seem mostly stable. Last time I saw my shrink she thought my medications were ok and recommended stress reduction and exercise. I am 5'11 and 220 lb so I am definitely overweight.

Intellectually, I know exercise would help, but I can’t bring myself to get up at 6:30 am to do it. I know I shouldn't eat things that are bad for me, but it's a small pleasure that may be the only pleasure I have in a given day.

How do I fix this feeling of burnout if I can’t quit my job? Does therapy help with this kind of thing, or would I just be stressing myself out more to try and shove it into a weekday? Am I just depressed and I need to fix my meds? Do I need to just buck up and do the diet and exercise thing, even though I feel so overwhelmed I know I probably would quit in short order? Should I be shoving in Weight Watchers or something into my day to help with diet and exercise even though I don’t have a concrete weight loss goal? Where do I start?

Help me encourage a great future doctor not to lose faith in herself.

dorothy humbird — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 06:59:09 -0800

I'm out of fresh encouraging perspectives, and the stakes are higher than ever. Please help me figure out how to best be a supportive friend in the 11th hour of my pal's struggles with studying for the med school boards. So, my friend is a very intelligent and principled person, and has for most of her education been in honors classes and in other ways recognized for her commitment to learning and knowledge. She also happens to be one of the most caring people I know, and is absolutely one of my best friends. She is the sort of person who is keenly sensitive to the human element of any problem or situation, and for this reason I think she would be an invaluable addition to the field of medicine, which can sometimes be heavily populated by self-absorbed jerks and/or people who are only in it for the money.

But, as far as I can tell, she is burned out in the extreme from years of studying and studying, not to mention her family worries and expectations (she is a 1st gen daughter of immigrants from a country with pretty conservative expectations for offspring, and despite somewhat Westernized viewpoints on the part of her parents, there are still major friction issues). She has struggled this entire year, her second in med school, with getting herself to buckle down and study, and has been discouraged time and again even when she did with grades that fell below the median of her class - but she's scraped by. And now, with classes over so the students can completely focus on studying 10+ hours a day to pass the board exams, she is really and truly putting in the effort, only to keep getting dismal results on her practice tests for the boards.

She's discouraged. I'm discouraged for her. She's been seeing a counselor, but sometimes sabotages herself even there by not revealing the extent of her struggles, or not doing the tasks that the counselor suggests for her. It takes so much effort for her to just focus on studying these massive tomes of knowledge that she somehow has to ingest and immolate into her very core that when she doesn't make progress, she loses almost all faith in herself. She has mentioned to me that her brother, who also attended med school and is now in residency, did poorly in the books section too, but excelled once he was in a more hands-on environment doing rotations. So, I've been encouraging her to look ahead to that -- but the problem that she and I both obviously can't ignore is that she has to PASS the boards to get there.

I'm out of supportive words and phrases. Everything I can think to say, I've already said: just hang in there; quit beating yourself up; I BELIEVE IN YOU - YOU CAN DO THIS, BUT YOU NEED TO BELIEVE YOU CAN DO IT; it's okay to take more time (she is now pushing back the beginning of her 3rd year to give herself more time to study because her practice test results haven't been enough to pass), you are smart! you are intelligent! you of all people should be a doctor because you actually care about human beings!

I've said it all already, and I can't imagine that repeating this to her is any help at this stage.

I need insight into this experience; who out there in MetaFilter has had similar struggles in professional schools - med school, law school, anything else similarly demanding? I am meeting to have coffee with her this evening, and I just want to give her the most encouraging pep talk I can feasibly manage without personal experience of what she is going through. It would crush me to see her defeated by this, and if there is anything I can say or remind her of to help her avoid that, I want it in my bag of resources. Help me help her.

help us leave the smelly city behind

thenormshow — Sun, 07 Dec 2008 14:21:42 -0800

Urban burnout-filter: My wife and I are exhausted, frustrated, and otherwise burnt-out by our by the city life and our jobs in Toronto. We're contemplating quitting, moving somewhere with a slower pace and starting over. We need advice! If you've done something like this, When did you know it was time to get out of the city? How did you decide where to go and what you were going to do? How did you get through the transition to the new job and place? Thanks!

The Blunder Years

Anonymous — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 21:27:46 -0800

Two-parter undergrad question: is it worth it to transfer? How can I stop from burning out? In high school I spent a lot of time and energy buttressing my case for admission to an elite college. I took a ton of AP classes, got good marks on my ACT, cultivated recommendations, and did a few extracurriculars. It worked, and I was admitted to an extremely elite small liberal arts college on partial scholarship. Unfortunately, this didn't work out due to what can only be described as a massive collusion of at least five mostly unrelated factors and what might be lightly termed "blunders," and what's more, the story of what happened cannot be told without making me seem either insane or dangerous.

I am now attending my local state university, which I had expended all that effort in high school to avoid attending. To put it mildly, it lives up to my worst fears: the social atmosphere is suffocating, the professors are mediocre at best, and the entire city it is in is filthy and smells like dead things.

I could transfer, but I already am a Junior and I would have to do at least one addition year as most schools require two years worth of credit at their institution in order to graduate. Furthermore, my family's financial health, once robustly middle-class, has declined somewhat. Hence the first question: is it worth it to transfer to a place I might like? if so, can I get scholarship money? is there anywhere I can transfer to that won't ask too many questions about my past or will avoid asking for recommendations from my current institution?

Second question: if not, how can I prevent myself from burning out? I hate waking up every day here, and I find it harder and harder to engage myself in my schoolwork, but I'm afraid if I take time off I will simply never find the interest to return to college. For example, I have a large take-home test due tomorrow that I did not start until 9:30 tonight (it's 1:00 AM now) that so far has only one of ten questions answered. It's not quite a time management issue, since I spent a good amount of that time staring blankly at the materials and even more time just thinking about the test, nor is it anxiety, as I have been faced with similar positions before and met the challenge. It's obviously too late to save this test— luckily the professor's policies mean that there will be none-too-harsh penalties for late work— but how I can prevent myself from finding myself in this position in the future?

Possible relevant factors include being in a humanities major, taking classes year-round to get myself out of here faster, having a college GPA that hovers between 3.0 and 3.5, a desire to go to library school, living off-campus, having no car and not living in a public-transport friendly city, being otherwise unemployed, and already being in therapy, thank you very much.

Thank you for your answers. Anonymous on account of it revealing personal information that I am still trying to keep out of general circulation.

Fizzled Out on Passion

divabat — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 02:36:41 -0800

Depression has knocked my passion (for everything) out. Gwargh. What do I do while I get therapy sorted? I've been diagnosed with depression and anxiety for about six years, and have been on and off treatment for that time. Last year (after about 3 years of being treatment-free) I had a bad relapse and went back on medication (Effexor XR) and counseling. They helped, and I was getting better, but recently I had a big setback and never managed to recover properly.

I've found that this wave of depression has robbed me of the ability to feel passionate about everything. I was once really passionate about changing the world (in various ways), and was invited to an exclusive summit last week for 100 other young passionate people. I felt like a dullard next to them - I didn't feel like I had anything of substance, and at one point I sat alone in a room crying and declaring that "I'm done". Surprisingly, even though my only contribution was wise-cracks in lectures and a Thank-You card for the organizers, the rest of the group accepted me wholeheartedly and felt that I was one of the most memorable people in the whole summit.

After I came back from that summit, my boyfriend and I went on a weekend vacation, but I couldn't muster any sort of enjoyment whatsoever. My boyfriend's showing me so much affection and love and care, and all I could do is go "meh". This got worse in the following week, and I felt really guilty that I couldn't feel as much love for him as he obviously does for me. (According to the Triangular Theory of Love, the companionship and intimacy is strong, but the passion's gone missing).

For a while I felt like I was holding him back, that I wasn't the best person for him, even offered to find him someone else that could treat him better. In all other respects, our relationship is actually going great - we communicate well, we deal with ups and downs maturely, we respect and care for each other deeply. I just am an emotional wreck, and I didn't want him to suffer because of that. Nonetheless, he still insists that he loves me, and that he doesn't mind the lack of emotional passion. (For example, I like cuddles and embraces, but felt guilty that I was being selfish and not bursting out with love for him. He told me not to worry because he didn't find it selfish at all.) It's good, I guess, but I still can't help but feel guilty that the only emotional response I can muster to anything is "blaaaaaaah".

I went to see a GP (my regular one was away) and made appointments with my usual counselor. It's two weeks away though, so I have some down time. I have work placements this uni semester (my last!!) and I'm still waiting for those to be sorted out so I've got nothing to do for a while. I'm already wallowing away in sorrow and despair, and find it hard to do stuff - I'd rather nap all day (and indeed do sleep a lot) and it takes a lot of effort to make myself shower or prepare a meal. I have things I could do, but I'm too lethargic and bored to do anything other than think about them. My boyfriend and I are also looking at relationship counselling to see how else we can deal with my depression - we're talked out and we're out of ideas.

How can I cope with the lack of passion and energy? Should I feel guilty for not being as romantically inclined towards my boyfriend? What about my current apathy towards making a difference, when I once was such a passionate worldchanger? What can I do in these two weeks (until my counselor appointment) so that I don't drag myself down into further despair and actually feel better?

(I'm doing a little better now as I write this, but my moods change so quickly and intensely that I'd rather have some practical ideas for when I get another "sad attack". Also, I've found lots of relationship questions about dealing with a depressed partner, but not much about being the depressed partner itself.)

Burned out at work

saturn25 — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 17:12:46 -0800

How can I deal with burnout? Warning: lots of details! Sorry! I have never really liked my current job but over the last 2 years, the dislike of my job has heightened considerably. I have fallen into depression and started seeing a therapist. It was recommended that I start on medication, and I've been on Lexapro for about a month and a half now. But work has gotten to a point where I can barely get through the day. The mere idea of say, returning a client's phone call just exhausts me. I've had it! Basically, I'm burned out.

It doesn't help that I work in the mortgages, and the industry is collapsing around me. I know that I need to get another job, and I have been making efforts to that end.

But how can I deal with my current awful job now? As much as I hate it, I need to be effective at it. Any ideas for dealing with working with burnout? FYI, I can't afford a real vacation now.

Day's never finished...

Anonymous — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 14:47:23 -0800

Facing critical burnout - how do we keep our business on track without killing ourselves? We're two folks in our twenties who've been running a web hosting and development business for five years (and on the side for five years before that). We're the only two employees. We're also married - to each other. The marriage part is going gangbusters, the business part is wearing us down.

For the last 18mos. we've both been doing this fulltime, and for 12 of those 18mos. we've been struggling to keep up - 20 hour days, no weekends, and any help we have tried to bring on so far has been sub-par to say the least. We are exhausted. In addition to being front line support for the hosting side of the biz, we're also in the thick of several development projects - and I mean several. As in, ten. And the harder I try to get things organized and under control, the more unexpected situations crop up that leave me flying by the seat of my pants. More times than I can count I have wished for a mentor or a secretary or about ten more programmers, but in the immediate, I'm faced with a partner who's definitely showing the strain and I want things to be more manageable so we can start enjoying our accomplishments a little more and maybe not just feel like we're on an endless treadmill. Time off would be nice. I have no idea where to start.

It's Monday morning and I just pulled an all-nighter, not to finish a project, but to stay on top of support for the projects I finished in the last two weeks - which puts me behind in development for this week, and who knows what my inbox may bring? Our mail server has been spotty since Friday and my partner finally looked up after 3 days of trying to fix it and said "I don't care anymore." I hear that. It's hard to care when you feel like you're being bludgeoned from all sides.

Where do we go from here? We clearly need assistance, but our efforts so far have been discouraging. What can I do to help our business grow while allowing us to have a life in between?

I've created an email address for followup questions at sleepydrone AT gmail DOT com.

Quittin' time

Anonymous — Sat, 12 Apr 2008 09:33:23 -0800

Two questions about quitting or not quitting my job in Washington, DC: 1. What are my rights if I quit and want to collect unemployment and 2. If I stay, how do I stay sane? I started a new job last year and it almost immediately became clear that the job and the organization were not what I thought they would be. However, I decided to give it six months. Six months did not help. There's no way I can stay in the job long term - it's way too stressful, the work environment is toxic, the staff is not respected by the organization's leadership.

So now I have a choice: quit and find another job, or stick it out until my project is done and then quit (by the end of the year anyway, so not that long).

If I quit, I would probably be able to get a new job pretty quickly, but nothing is certain and I may have to apply for unemployment benefits. Does anyone have experience applying for unemployment in DC after quitting a job? Did you have to prove that you left for "good cause?" I think I'd probably have a good case, considering the nature of my work environment and the fact that the job I'm told to do is pretty different than the job I was hired for, but I'd rather not be forced to drag my employer's name through the mud. Don't want to burn all my bridges.

Second question: how do I survive the rest of my time at this job without getting depressed or otherwise dragged down? I can already see this happening: I have little energy to do interesting things on the weekend, I'm constantly worried about work, I'm starting to lose confidence in my abilities related to my profession. I'm burning out.

There are a few good things about my job: I love my immediate coworkers. The 20% of the time I get to do the job I was hired for, I love it. They pay me well enough that I can save some money for something I've been planning for a while (sorry to be vague, but trying to keep the anonymity here). My title and the organization's good reputation are still pretty impressive, which will hopefully help me get a new job. How can I keep the focus on these things, and what I'm going to do afterwards, and the good things about life (friends, spring, etc) and away from the horrible, soul-sucking job?

scared of the big leap

divabat — Sun, 16 Sep 2007 19:40:29 -0800

I'm on the brink of possibly changing my life. However, logistical and emotional issues are in the way. What on Earth should I do? (warning: More Inside is looooooong) I'm currently in my second year of university (arts management and creative writing) in Australia as an international student and I'm hating it. Australia is a fine country, and my uni isn't too terrible, but the experience of university is killing me. I hate academic writing, or rather writing on command - I love research, but I'd rather be doing it on my own basis rather than on subjects I'm not so sure about. For some reason half the subjects for my arts management submajor are performance/theatre related, and due to my lack of theatre background I'm feeling very lost and disconnected. (They aren't even Theatre 101 subjects, but more advanced material.) I took creative writing classes because I had a passion for writing, but having my work cut down for lack of publishability (even if it was a fine work on its own) is demotivating. Or maybe I just detest homework, I don't know.

Granted, I am going through depression (have been diagnosed & under some form of treatment over the past 5 years) so that may be clouding my opinion of university to an extent. There are also a couple of classes that I've found highly fascinating - but 2 classes out of 12 just aren't enough, and it feels like university is the major contributor of the depression. Overall I find the university experience to be too much pontificating about what Academic A or Academic B has to say about "liminal space" or whatever, and less about what's happening in the real world and how to make that work for our projects (the two classes that I found fascinating were far more grounded and real-world and I wished my whole degree were subjects like those!). I'm good with project proposals, or actual projects, and while I can actually write good academic papers I find the process stifling and boring.

I have a very experiential way of learning, so academic styles don't really work for me. I also work best with personal individualized guidance, which I'm not really getting. I find more happiness and fulfillment in the different volunteer work and events I do outside uni, than on anything I'm doing as a uni assignment. Indeed, this semester I've spent more time in conferences (which are fun and great learning experiences) than in actual class time, though I am getting my work in on time.

It's gotten to the point that I really NEED a change. I mainly went to university in the first place to fulfil expectations of getting a degree. My previous university screwed me (and many others) over, so I left and went on a life-changing educational tour, followed by a few months of working while I applied and waited for jobs for the company that did the tour. I didn't get the job I hoped for, so I went to uni instead. It was a HUGE adjustment, having come from overseas, and I thought I'd slog through it hoping for things to get better, but one and a half years on, I'm just feeling so DEAD and so DEPRESSED and DEMOTIVATED. I've spent many nights the past few weeks crying because I didn't know what to do.

I talked to my psychologist about it, and about my fear of offending my family. I've felt that the degree was more for them than for me (I've found through experience that I could pretty much survive without one, as the things I'm interested in don't really need a degree) and whenever I've tried to bring it up before, it turned into a fight. After a few weeks of thinking, I wrote an email to everyone and waited in trepidation. To my surprise, my family said that I should do whatever makes me happy - as long as I fund it myself. I don't HAVE to get a degree for them, but they all said the same thing: I'm here in Australia to get a better passport.

I have a Bangladesh passport. It sucks. I need visas for EVERYWHERE and can't go many places as a young tourist. I have Malaysian PR, but even though we applied for citizenship (and even though I was born in the country and spent most of my life there) I am no closer to getting citizenship there. The theory was that by getting a degree in Australia, I would be far closer in getting an Australian PR (and eventually passport) than I would anywhere else. However, with all sorts of rules and legislation changes, my degree doesn't really get me anywhere. It doesn't lead to a "skilled job" with enough points, it's not a high-demand occupation, and I don't live in a regional area. I'm generally cynical about immigration anyway; I figure at this rate I'm permanently stateless. So my decisions to do things don't hinge on whether I can get a passport there or not.

I have one year of university left, and I was hoping to use the first semester of that year to go on exchange - the change of scenery would do me good, and when I come back I only have one semester left so it wouldn't be too hard. About 20 minutes ago, though, I just got notified that (due to issues on their end) my exchange isn't successful, so there goes that idea - and the only thing really tying me to this university. I'm not entirely sure what to do.

I have a few options in mind:

a) Continue on the volunteer/youth conference curcuit for a while. It's what I enjoy doing, but I won't really earn any money, and I have limited funds.

b) Go on a study-abroad trip with a private company. I've been accepted for one, but it's so expensive and all my money would be gone.

c) Get a job in Australia. They're there, and I have plenty of experience and drive to qualify, but visas become a hassle.

d) Go back to Malaysia. I'm not fond of that country though so I don't know what I'll do there.

e) Go back to Malaysia and implement some projects I have in mind. Slightly better choice, but I have no idea how to do so! And I still have so many things I want to experience.

f) Move to another country and do something else. Visas, again. And I'd miss my boyfriend (he's pretty supportive of me though)

g) Transfer to a university that has more of what i'm after. Most of them are in the US (the Colleges That Change Lives type unis) but I don't know if I can handle the whole rigamarole of visas and applications and academic writing and such.

h) Change my degree to Social Work, Community Development, or Human Services. I've found that this is closer to my passion than my current one (which are passions too but not as strong as these ones) but again, lots of logistical hassle, and I don't want university to kill my love for those two areas.

I'm stuck. I feel immobile. All this ideas but also all these blocks. I've been emailing people for ideas, but I have no idea where to go.

Should I stay on my degree and slog it out for another year?

Should I drop out, do the degree by distance, change degrees, change universities?

Should I travel, find work elsewhere?

Is there an International Passport for "Stateless" people like me?

What shall I do? This is the scariest thing I'ver ever considered and I don't know where to begin.

How do you maintain your sanity while managing an overwhelming workload with multiple large projects?

Anonymous — Sat, 18 Aug 2007 17:39:09 -0800

Tips on preventing work burnout and handling job stress. How do you handle an overwhelming workload with grace and sanity? How can I quickly become a good project manager? What should I do until I have the project management skills to actually handle the workload I've been assigned? (I'm kind of freaking out here.) [Sorry in advance for the length, but if it's too much for you, the front page question basically sums it up.]

My job feels really overwhelming. I'm managing three major projects simultaneously, each of which could alone easily fill the timescale we have for doing them. Because I'm managing a team of volunteers to push these projects forward as fast as possible, there are constant interruptions. Other high organizational priorities ("where are we with the budget?") constantly come up and require hours of effort. I feel like I can't get anything done, timelines are slipping, the quality of the work isn't as good as I'd like, and I constantly feel behind.

The small organization I work for is very well-run, and I have an incredible boss. So it really does feel like my fault things aren't going well -- all the work not getting done is that I didn't figure out what I needed fast enough, didn't say "that deadline is unrealistic," didn't realize "if we expand Project #1 that way, Project #2's timeline will slip by months." If I had, people probably would have helped, though they certainly do want all this work to happen. This is the first time I've had project management responsibility on this scale, and I'm trying to quickly acquire those skills, plus basic skills like knowing realistically how long things will take, realizing when I should say "no," figuring out and asking for what I need, and so forth. I'm getting better, but slowly.

I really want to be good at this job, and for those brief stretches when things are under control, it's exciting and fun. And things are under control more often now. So, it's not entirely impossible that I'll end up being able to handle this (though maybe some projects will need to get downscaled).

There are good weeks and bad weeks. For about three weeks in June & July, I was completely burned out -- discouraged, apathetic, hopeless, unhappy. Then I had a burst of can-do energy, got things in order, started working 12 hour days, and for two weeks, things were flowing along smoothly and a lot got done. But at the end of last week, things got derailed. Something unforeseen came up that took days to fix. Then, right when I was returning to the work I'd been planning to accomplish, one of those trump-card organizational questions came up. By Thursday, I'd fallen out of project manager mode into "do whatever pops up in your face" mode, and today, I was in a "why bother trying?" funk and listlessly organized my desk (obviously not a very productive response to overload and frustration).

Now, I'm trying to get back on top of things, but I'm disheartened enough that I can't exactly focus. I feel really behind, so I'm torn between taking the weekend off (and you know, somehow totally repressing how upset I feel at everything being out of control again), or coming in to catch up on what I meant to have been doing today (what would that actually have been, given the bajillion options? am I too burned out that I'd do nothing at all?). By the end of the day, I just wanted to cry on the floor of my office ("I give up, I can't do this"), and yell at all the people who expect me to keep up (it seems like no one realizes just how much work is really involved), and lash out at people making little, reasonable requests ("why don't you do it yourself? what are you even working on?"). I was still able to seem calm, but obviously, I need to quickly figure out how to handle this better.

So, how do I get better, fast? Perhaps more realistically, how do I keep it together while I get better over time? Can you suggest any scaffolding to support me while I build up the project management skills I need? Are there some key pillars I can quickly get in place? How do I eventually make this job take only 8 hours a day (9 even)? tips are welcome. Book recommendations and general advice are both good, about either handling work stress or managing projects. Thanks for any ideas you have.

Why do my light bulbs hate me?

PEAK OIL — Mon, 05 Mar 2007 17:16:27 -0800

Why do my light bulbs keep burning out? I moved somewhat recently, and ever since, my incandescent light bulbs all go poof. It's not limited to a single circuit. The light above the stove, hall-way ceiling lights, table lamps, they all just keep on dying. Average bulb life must be around 1-2 months.

The house has no obvious electrical problems, though it was built about 25 years ago.

The CFLs all appear to work okay, but I'm concerned that a full switch to CFLs might just mask an electrical problem that will end up frying my other appliances.

What could it be?

And now for something completely different

MasonDixon — Thu, 11 Jan 2007 08:28:24 -0800

My partner and I are tired of getting beat up by institutions that ask us to do good and pay us little. We want a change! My partner and I have both spent years in the academy and in and around work in non-profits and a Mainline Protestant church. Were both just over thirty have less than 80k in previous student loans, no kids, but no house equity to dip into either.

We are both very intelligent, articulate, creative and educated people (read: liberal arts majors) who are tired of watching our "dumb" friends and acquaintances out earn us, buy houses, etc.

How can we start over? How can we get out of our "noble" and low-paying jobs into the mainstream economy? It'd sure be nice to make a REAL middle class wage.

BeCominG MorE InVOlved

SirStan — Mon, 01 Jan 2007 17:34:48 -0800

How do I become more involved with my world? (Volunteering, etc) New Years Resolutions aside, I would like to become more involved with my community/state. Partially inspired by a group of amazing people at a soup dinner party, partially by the new year, and the rest as a long standing desire.

I put 150% effort into work, and am feeling slightly burnt out, and like its not really worth it as much as it used to be. I would like to try and cut back and work my 40hours, and have a life outside of work, meet new people, etc.

I am not exactly sure what I am looking to do, but I don't want to go door to door fixing Windows 95 PC's. :) I have decent management skills, network/it/programming skills, bow staff skills, etc. How do I apply myself/become involved with local groups, be it paid consulting, volunteering for something (I don't know where to look locally for 'we need help' types of things). I have applied via email/phone to a couple local groups that I thought I might have something to offer, and was ignored/actively turned down/passively turned down.

I do have a 9-5 job.

Emotional stages of animal volunteering.

BrotherCaine — Thu, 19 Oct 2006 17:21:05 -0800

I'm looking for a blog post about four stages of animal shelter volunteers. I thought I saw it on MetaFilter recently, but my GoogleFu is failing me. It talked about the four stages people in the animal shelter volunteer business go through from excitement through burnout. I believe it's a fairly recent blog article, but it may be an older one that was referenced more recently on a shelter worker blog. It looked like it could be applicable to a lot of volunteer work. General comments about working as an animal shelter volunteer would also be helpful, as my wife is considering doing so.

mid-semester burnout

Anonymous — Wed, 27 Sep 2006 14:55:45 -0800

I teach several required college courses. My enthusiasm is dwindling, and it is starting to show. I taught all summer and I am feeling burned out and bored, even though I have genuine enthusiasm for the topics. I have been on cruise control for the last three weeks and I need to get it together and regain my enthusiasm and refocus the classes as the students are getting restless, and deservedly so. I guess I'm looking for two things:

1) tips on getting re-motivated, other than fear and guilt, and

2) things I can do that a great college teacher does

Thank you for your thoughtful responses. I do not wish to become deadwood.

Did I screw up my career?

Anonymous — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 06:21:00 -0800

Have I just screwed up my career caused by a bout of anger, depression, burn out and frustration? And how do I "get back into the game"? First some background, I'm a web person in a fairly small city with nearly 10 years experience and I had been working at a start-up web agency for around 2 years, until a couple of months ago, as the senior person on board.

Towards the end of last year I could feel the pressure of the job building and the burn out coming (home life and a friends suicide played a huge part), so I planned a vacation at the start of this year in the hopes it would help get my head straight.

It didn't, things started to spiral out of control as soon as I got back, the directors started making decisions without me, stopped inviting me along to client events, that kind of thing. This left me feeling marginalized, betrayed and frustrated, especially when some of those decisions where bad ones that I wouldn't have allowed had I been included in the discussions initially. I retrospect I can understand why the directors did this, thinking they could at least take some of the pressure off me, but they never spoke to me about it, they just went ahead and did it (this is however conjecture on my part, I have no real idea what they were up to). I should point out it never affected the quality or timing of my work, I was always on time and within budget on all my projects.

So one day I upped and quit, I got angry over something the team had come up with and then wasn't allowed to participate in - really it was just a backbreaking camel moment. I didn't have another job to go to (I still don't!) nor have any plans on what I was doing. I did leave on decent terms with the directors, but was pretty clear I wouldn't work for them again.

As I said, I live in a fairly small city, I can't move due to my SO's job, and everybody in the industry that knows me, knows I work/worked for them, so explaining what happened is tricky. I'm finding it incredible difficult to find a new job and I'm starting worry that I'm making up excuses (it's not paying enough, there's no client facing, they want someone more technical, it's client not vendor side, etc) for not going after roles for some really stupid reason or another (I've become afraid of pressure, the burn out really did get to me, I have nothing at stake in this so why should I bother).

I ask the hivemind, have I screwed up royally and how do I get back on that horse?

How do you stay productive while working full-time?

dino terror — Thu, 15 Jun 2006 17:48:18 -0800

How do you stay productive while working full-time when there may be elements of stress and burning out involved? What Ive figured out is that in order to stay productive while working full-time I need to have good time-management (productivity) and stress-management skills and be able to do my job with a positive attitude. The productivity I know a lot about, the other 2 Im lacking in ability.
I find that when I work (not working right now, in university) I dont want to do anything when I get home either because I find it too stressfull to be telling myself when I get home 'OK, now the real work begins' and try to do everything on my to-do list, or I just feel burned out from doing some monotonous / miserable job and I feel completely uninspired when I get home.
The positive attitude thing, I unfortunately have a hard time not scowling at work sometimes... lets face it, work sucks. But I recognize that its not an acceptible behaviour.

Do people just wait until the weekend to get things done? In my experience by the time the weekend comes around I want to do absolutely nothing... Hopefully after I graduate I'll be able to get better jobs, but I would like to master the art of working a crappy job just so I know I can thrive in whatever situation I find myself in... thanks!

Writers block: web burnout?

trbrts — Mon, 06 Dec 2004 13:25:19 -0800

I used to consider myself a decent writer. It was one of those things that I did well. Over the last few years though I can hardly seem to link two cohesive sentences together. Those last few years also seem to coincide with my entrance into working on the web. Does anyone have any tips for learning how to write again? I think that I just got burned out on writing. I was an English major in college. When I first started working on the web, I worked for a washed out online auction company, writing product descriptions. In my current position, I have to write a fair amount - new content, board member newsletters, emails to our members, etc... And I just can't seem to make it interesting. There is no reason that it can't be. I work in an industry I enjoy and I'm preforming well. But, when I go to write, I kind of just lock up until I finally spit out some boring crap.
Any ideas to help me overcome this and enjoy writing again?

Why the years between music/art/photo projects?

abcde — Sun, 06 Jun 2004 13:25:14 -0800

Why is it that freelance type creative people, like say musicians, artists, photographers, actors etc. tend to spend years between projects? Unless you're say a high-end music artist, it's economically infeasable. Signed bands usually have 2 or 3 years between albums. Yes, that's often to build up new material, but just as often that's not the case. What's the deal? Is there that much potential for burnout?

Helpdesk Burnout

Watsonne — Wed, 12 May 2004 10:50:03 -0800

Maybe this is midweek frustration speaking, but I am wondering if anyone knows what the average burnout/turnaround time is for helpdesk these days? Back in the day I remember hearing that it was about 6 weeks, but I wonder if other geeks like myself are putting up with more abuse for longer periods than we used to, as jobs are harder to come by these days. Google shows a lot of percentages, but I want to know how long people are sticking with the job before they run screaming from the building.