Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with bully

Mean Girls: The Prequel

Anonymous — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 08:46:48 -0800

Two weeks into the school year, and my almost-tween daughter is being antagonized by another girl in her class. I want to help her deal with it. (Apologies for length.)

The two of them rode the same bus for a year in primary school. There were some basic personality conflicts. Other Girl is fairly rowdy, My Girl is irritated by chaos.

Now, they're in all the same classes and the bus in intermediate school. And Other Girl has decided to turn things up a notch.

Other Girl deliberately sits next to My Girl's best friend on the bus -- once you sit, you can't change seats -- and then spends the entire ride rubbing it in MG's face (e.g., "I'm sitting next to your best friend Soandso and YOU CAN'T!"). Soandso is equally annoyed by this, by the way -- so it's not like they are competing for her. OG is really just doing it to upset MG.

OG also calls out to MG nastily from her lunch table, usually reiterating her smooth seating move from the bus. There was also a time when they were in a small group project and OG announced (out of the teacher's earshot, naturally) "Since MG is the smartest person in the group, SHE should do all the work so we all get it right and don't have to do it again." Infuse that sentence with the nastiest tone you can imagine. The only thing MG had the time to do before the teacher came over was say "We're all supposed to do the work, OG."

MG is bothered by all of this, even though she has friends and this doesn't really affect her relationships with them, other than Soandso being annoyed by it. MG mentions it to me daily, with little prompting. I remember what being bullied is like. I want to help her with this, and I realize that climbing on the bus myself and punching this kid is not an option.

So far: I've told MG to reply to OG's crap with relative nonchalance, i.e., act as if she hears the words but not the tone and be at least civil, if not friendly. Yet, everything I've been reading on the sly suggests direct confrontation is the better route. This came up briefly as an idea, but MG pointed out that OG will deny any accusation and then she's back at square one.

MG doesn't want me to contact her teacher about this. But if this escalates much more (and it has been escalating), I'm going to revisit that option with her. I won't do it without her knowledge and consent. The district appears to be responsive to issues like this, but I don't have any firsthand information yet.

I've looked at other AskMes under various permutations of "bully," but most of them involve physical altercations. This may never get to that point because this stuff always happens within 25 feet of an adult. Also, I'm not kidding myself into thinking she won't have to deal with some version of this again -- and why not try to get the right coping skills in place now?

(For the tl;dr crowd: These kids are nine and ten.)

Thanks for any advice or suggested reading.

Bully for the 360: How Do I Know It's Patched?

BitterOldPunk — Sat, 22 Mar 2008 16:36:10 -0800

I want to play Bully: Scholarship Edition on my Xbox 360. There was just a patch released for the game, but my console is not hooked up to the internet and never will be. How (and when) can I know that the physical copy of the game I buy is a post-patch version?

My mom has a bully

smeater44 — Sun, 21 Oct 2007 23:21:02 -0800

Grrrrr. My mom has a bully at work. Help me out here! Yeah...this is a new situation for me. My mom. I just talked to her on the phone. I bet a lot of people feel the same- my mother is super-important to me. If someone hurts her, it kills me. She used to work for this really nice guy, an orthodontist, for like, 25 years. He retired. Now she works for a new chain of dentist offices as a hygienist. She's been there six months. I guess someone at the office, a manager, has it in for her and is basically trying to push her out. According to my mother, she is basically a bully. This woman seems to get mad and lash out on mom for tiny things. She says other people have left because of her. When I called her tonight, she said that she was writing a 2 weeks notice and was turning it in tomorrow. This is not like mom. She's hoping they'll say,"You can just leave." But if they don't, she's afraid this lady will just pick on her even more for two weeks. She said this whole situation has made her spend lunch hours crying in her car. Grrr. This unfuriates me. I tried to tell her to stand up somehow. I said she should carry a tape recorder from here on out. If this manager is verbally abusive, take it to human resources. Bust the bitch! If mom's not exaggerating, and I trust her on this- she is pretty logical, rational, emotionally cool and laid back, then this woman is picking on her and it royally peeves me. But she's afraid to do anything! She wants to just get out of there but I want her to stand up before she goes!
What would you tell your mother to do? Is it worth trying to get back at this lady? If you were being bullied at work, what would you do?

How to respond to a bullying landlord

faux ami — Mon, 17 Sep 2007 03:13:08 -0800

Another security deposit question with a twist. Landlord in California is holding deposit until she receives "payment" for unreturned DVDs - which I didn't borrow. Illegal. However, I didn't return the keys before I left on vacation to Thailand! She wants $50 for 3 Simpson's DVDs which I didn't borrow since I own my own copy (and by the way, you can get the entire set new for $25 on Amazon). She wants $20 for Mission Impossible ($10 on Amazon). She also wants to steam clean the carpet in a room in which I lived for 8 weeks, didn't eat in the room (wasn't allowed to), and didn't wear shoes. She also never gave me a walk-through. We extended the contract 2 weeks (after 2 months was up and I needed another week) but now she claims I didn't tell her when I was vacating so couldn't give me a walk-through! However, when I did move out it was at midnight, she was asleep (she lives in the house) and I locked up and took the keys. Now, I'm in Thailand for 3 weeks!

I know the deposit needs to get back to me 21 days after receipt of keys. Can she re-key the place and charge me for it? The DVD thing is ridiculous and illegal. The steam cleaning might be valid, but is tenuous. Should I sue her? Pay up?

In the film Bully, why is there a lollipop in the glovebox?

Tuwa — Thu, 19 Jul 2007 11:54:10 -0800

Bully: Why is there a lollipop in the glovebox? Recently I watched Bully and in the scene where Lisa is driving Donny and cousin Derek somewhere, Derek asks if Donny has any acid. Donny opens the glovebox and two of the things visible in the glove box are a cassette and a lollipop in an orange wrapper. Mix tapes were common enough in glove boxes, but I wonder why the lollipop is there.

I doubt it's there on accident; I just don't know why the film makers decided to put it in.

It's not a stoner pop and it doesn't look like the pain-reliever Actiq.

Is it meant to remind us (as if we needed reminding) how young the teens are? Or would Donny and Lisa have some use or need for it for some reason (perhaps related to acid and/or weed)? Is there any explanation for it?

Help Me Make My Son's Birthday Rock

misha — Mon, 25 Jun 2007 13:32:37 -0800

PS3 Filter: is "Bully" for PS2 compatible with PS3? Can't find via compatibility list, hoping someone here can educate me. Also, which is the best headset to use with PS3 for online play, in terms of low-cost and ease of use? Specifically, for playing "Resistance: Fall of Man" with clan members online.

Obligation to Recalcitrant Bully of Childhood?

IndigoSkye — Fri, 25 May 2007 10:20:13 -0800

Someone who I attended Middle School and High School with twenty plus years ago recently Google'd me to apologize for the way he treated me back then. I'm pretty much over all that school age bullying, what's my obligation to my former bully? How should I reply to his email? Or should I just forget it and move on?

How to deal with a bully from my childhood

Civa — Tue, 08 Feb 2005 22:01:37 -0800

HIGH SCHOOL BULLY QUESTION.
I'm 30 now and very recently discovered an old school reunion site which brought up a couple of questions for me. When I was 13-15 I had a really nasty bully through the first part of high school (I'm in Australia). She made my life so freaking miserable and then, when we could leave school at 15 she left. My questions are as follows. Has anyone ever had the chance to confront their high school bully?? or (even though I know we're wonderful folk here on mefi), been confronted by someone they bullied?
I don't want to do anything but tell her that she made my life miserable and that it left lasting scars on my childhood.
PS She's not actually on the reunion site but I was toying with the idea of tracking her down.