Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with bullshit

There's something I should tell you... I have cancer...

Anonymous — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 06:50:13 -0800

I lied about having cancer to my boss. Now what? I work at a school in New York City. Lately I've been under so much stress I have fantasized about quitting often. All of the teachers at my school are browbeaten about test scores and threatened with disciplinary action for missed deadlines and inadequate performance. Yesterday, I told my principal and the assistant principal that I had cancer as a child and it had come back. Yes. Yes I did.

They were very nice and supportive, and repeatedly told me that they were there for me and how wonderful a job I had been doing.

So.... my question is, how can this come back to haunt me? I am on the city's insurance. I don't want to take off more days because of this, I just didn't want every sick day I took scrutinized and possibly subjected to disciplinary action (this happens). In addition, I always feel pressured about little things and I am hoping this will cause them to back off a bit.

So my questions:

1) If they suggest that I take a medical leave of absence, would they be able to check the authenticity of my claims? What is that process like?

2) I don't plan on telling anyone else at the school and certainly not telling anyone that this is BS. How can I better my chances of not being found out?

3) Can they call my insurance company or doctors to verify this? I have seen several doctors for various other problems in the past few months but no oncologists.

Did ninjas ever actually exist?

Bookhouse — Fri, 01 Feb 2008 13:11:44 -0800

Are ninjas bullshit? It seems like a simple question -- did ninjas exist? At all? But lots of Googling has served to just make me more confused (the wikipedia article seems totally unsourced). Certainly, the flipping-out superpowered ninja thing is a myth, and I feel pretty sure that all modern day "ninjutsu" is made up, but I just want to know. Is there a definative debunking? Or bunking?

Help me find or create a word for false knowledge

Astro Zombie — Tue, 24 Apr 2007 07:40:06 -0800

I'm looking a word for a behavior, and, failing that, I am looking for help in inventing that word. I am looking for a word to describe ersatz education. That is, the sort of thing people spend a lot of time studying, but isn't really knowledge, because it isn't verifiable and, in most cases, is actually disprovable. I'm talking about things like horoscopes, 9/11 theorists, creation science. Mind you, I'm not talking about the study of these things from a cultural or historical viewpoint, or for entertainment or novelty. I'm talking about the earnest mistaking of these sorts of things for legitimate knowledge, and the pompous sense that having memorized nonsense makes you somehow more educated.

Now, if you happen to think my examples are actual knowledge, and are angry at me for accusing you of having taught yourself nonsense, well, just imagine I picked another example that you know to be nonsense, even though, say horoscopes are, in your mind, a science. Let's say you think lay lines, or cryptozoology, or phrenology is bullshit. Just imagine I used that example, and let's not discuss whether my original examples are nonsense or not.

So what I am looking for is a word to describe this false knowledge (something broader, and funnier, than pseudoscience). And I guess I'm looking for a related word to describe people who take pride in their mastery of nonsense knowledge. The word, should we invent it, should be appropriately snide and mocking.

Hive mind, do your thing.

EXTREMEly suspicious drinking story

junkbox — Mon, 23 Oct 2006 11:56:29 -0800

Did Dave Eggers write a [fabricated] feature story on extreme mountain climbing under a pseudonym for Details magazine 7-8 years ago? Circa 1998 (during an extremely lad-mag phase) I read a feature article in Details that turned my bullshit detector up to 11. A few years later, I read Dave Eggers' book A Heartbreaking Work of... where he discusses "selling out" and getting paid $$$$ to write fluff for Details. Ever since then, I've wondered if Eggers wrote that unbelievable article.

Premise: a NY-based freelance writer is given a wad of money and told to book himself on an "extreme" mountain-climbing guided tour (adventure tours were a hot trend at the time) and write about it for Details.

I remember the following claims from his thrilling tale of adventure, for those who care:

-- After buying all his expensive gear, he ran out of money and had to buy his boots at KMart. They worked fine.

-- He was told to spend several weeks "training" on a treadmill with his backpack, to condition himself for 2 weeks of grueling climbs. But he was too busy partying in NY with his friends, getting really drunk and high every night, to bother with training at all.

-- Most of the people on his tour (in South America) were serious amateur climbers who took these trips a couple times a year. The only person who wasn't was a middle-aged former hippie, travelling by herself, who'd saved up her money and left her teenage kid behind while she took this aweome trip. Hippie Mom became Freelance Writer's only friend on the adventure, and they got along like gangbusters.

-- Their first night in South America, the whole group was treated to one of those big "local culture" dinners that tour companies arrange. After dinner, all the serious climbers knocked off early, while Freelance Writer and Hippie Mom sat around with the locals smoking some powerful ceremonial hallucinogens.

-- Freelance Writer and Hippie Mom successfully ascend their first peak despite extreme hangovers from the night before.

-- For the next 2 weeks, Freelance Writer and Hippie Mom consume copious quantities of alcohol, marijuana and other recreational substances at night, then get up and climb tremendously tall mountains in extremely cold temperatures the next day. All of the other Serious Climbers sit out at least one of the peaks on the tour due to injury or poor climbing conditions; Freelance Writer and Hippie Mom are the only ones who climb every peak with the guides, because they'll never have the chance to do this stuff again.

-- Freelance Writer concludes that extreme mountain climbing is cool, provided you carry enough party supplies with you to make it fun. But training is for suckers: the best training is smoke, drink and party as much as possible beforehand.

I'd love to know who wrote this, and if there's any reason to believe that he (or she) ever left NY to research it. The Dave Eggers angle is just a theory, since it could have been concocted by any number of other writers.

Have any of you guys ever used an epilator on your face?

redteam — Fri, 10 Mar 2006 02:51:35 -0800

I'm a man looking for a better "shave". Have any of you guys ever used an epilator on your face? Yes, I've read that one MSNBC article by that one guy who does Shaveblog. He's so full of shit. Ok, maybe not completely full, because I use a brush and mug instead of gel now and it's great, but his advice is all hype. I don't trust him. I honestly gave the whole thing a try for several weeks. Yes, I went and got an old 1940's double-edge Gilette. Yes, I got some rad Merkur blades. Yes, it all looks so cool and everything, but it seriously doesn't even come close to the shave I get with a disposable Shick Xtreme 3 razor.

Still, I'm not satisfied. Shaving sucks. I do not look at shaving as some sort of manly ritual. So now what?

I'm thinking of epilators. Some company named Epilady invented them. I first heard about them in the 80s. Everyone made fun of them because they hurt so bad. They're still being made, apparently. Braun even makes one.

All of the reviews I've found talk about women (and even a man or two) using them on their legs. A lot of pain is mentioned. I haven't seen any man post about his experience with one of these and his face. I'm curious. My face hairs are very thick and very close to each other - would this thing just tear chunks of skin off of my face?

Has anyone else ever tried using an epilator on their face? Is it too painful to even consider doing twice? Does it make your face bright red for more than a few hours? Should I be kicked in the nuts for even asking this?