Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with bridesmaid

wedding party groomsmaid attendant

greta simone — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 11:43:49 -0800

So I've never been a bridesmaid. But I will be a groomsmaid. What should I expect? My good guy friend (I'm a female) asked me to be an attendant in his wedding this summer. What one calls this, or what he is choosing to call the position, I do not yet know, but right now I'm calling myself a groomsmaid because I like it.
I have never been in a wedding before, much less in this position, so I'm wondering what the general expectations are. Since this is not the most traditional of roles, I'd like to hear experiences from other women who have been groomsmaids. Some questions that I would like answered:
In what fun ways can I as a woman add to the guy side of the wedding party?
I'm not very close to the bride-to-be, but should I be expected to make an extra effort to play along with the bridal party side of things?

I'm assuming his brother is going to be best man, so I guess I'm not expected to do much in the way of planning events for him. My friend has already stated that he doesn't want a bachelor party, so I don't have to worry about playing along with strippers or doing shooters or playing paintball. His wedding will otherwise be of the traditional sort. So I guess I'm mostly just trying to make the best of my special role to make his wedding as awesome as he deserves, and looking for suggestions in order to do so.

Thanks!

I just wanna par-tay!

santojulieta — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 13:31:50 -0800

What do bachelorettes who hate techno music dance party clubs do for bachelorette events? My bestie-for-life Maid of Honor and I are both getting married in October, and so we're planning a joing bachelorette party.

However, I don't think anyone really wants to do your traditional drunken club evening. Well, we're not opposed to the drunken part, but if I have to spend time in another overcrowded, college-aged, meat market club, I'll just die.

So, I need your help. I need some killer ideas for non-traditional stagette parties. I read a few other threads and stumbled on the 80s bridesmaid theme, but what else would be fun to do or play?

FYI: We're having it in Grand Rapids, MI (boring mini-metro city in SW Michigan.)

Do I have to go in debt over my friend's wedding?

gwenlister — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 04:44:45 -0800

Bridesmaid stress: My friend's wedding is costing ME a huge amount of money (it'll be over a 1000$ all said and done) and I do not have that kind of money to spend on anything. How do I explain this to her? One of my best friends is getting married new years eve this year and I am a bridesmaid. Already I have spent 300$ on the dress and shoes, and that alone is a hell of a lot of money for me. But there is more to come. I still am expected to pay for:
- hair and makeup the day of
- transport to the wedding (no car, so it'll be a 100$ bus ticket)
- paying for a hotel for myself the night of the wedding
- a wedding gift
- supplies for decorating her bridal suite (my assigned bridesmaid task)

Plus I got a message from her this morning that she wants me to supply nicer sheets for her bridal suite because the ones the hotel provide aren't "pretty enough". if the bed is a king size, which it probably is, I would have to purchase a set because no one I know has king size sheets I could borrow.

Basically, her wedding is stressing me out more than it is probably stressing her out. I want to make her wedding day as lovely and wonderful as possible, but does it have to mean costing me a thousand dollars when I am already in debt on my own? I have credit card debt and a student loan, and my salary gives me JUST enough money to pay to live and pay bills and leaves me with very little disposable income. How do I explain, without seeming super cheap and selfish because I am ruining her special day (which is kinda how she might see it), that I can't afford to do all these things? I do want to be involved in her wedding, and it isn't that I want to back out of all bridesmaid responsabilities, because if I did the cost would fall on the other two and both of them are no better off then I am. I know another of the bridesmaids is currently unemployed because she is taking care of her mother as she undergoes cancer treatment, AND she just became pregnant, so guaranteed money is tight with her too....

Am I being selfish? Should I just suck it up since she is my friend?

I'm also worried that if I DO say something she'll get really upset, freak out, and then start telling everyone to never mind, that she doesn't need her bridal suite decorated, that she doesn't need a bridal shower, that she doesn't need a stagette party, and would people please not bring gifts, etc etc etc. and basically cancel everything and go way overboard, when that wasn't the point.

HELP!

Bridesmaid Dress Alterations in Manhattan?

Caz721 — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 11:52:12 -0800

Recommendations for tailor/alterations (for bridesmaid dress) in Manhattan? Looking for recommended tailor or seamstress in Manhattan (below 59th if possible, east side even better!) for bridesmaid dress alterations. If it helps, I need straps taken up, dress taken in at bust and waist and hem taken up. If you have an estimate of cost (just a range or an experience with alterations) I'd love to hear that as well. Thanks!

Ideas for awesome gifts for our bridesmaids and groomsmen?

Tren — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 14:55:50 -0800

My fiancee and I are getting married in a month. We have kind of an embarrassingly large bridal party but we love them and want to give them cool presents! We're on a budget (we could probably spend up to $40 per attendant). We are open to creative ideas. Wedding is in San Francisco, and many attendants will be flying in from distant places.

Shower Planning?

k8lin — Sun, 20 Apr 2008 20:52:45 -0800

I need to help plan a wedding shower, and I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm a bridesmaid in a wedding coming up in October. I don't really know where to start or what to do -- I'm one of four bridesmaids, and we're all very busy. The date for the shower has been set, and it's about three months away. I've talked to the bride a bit about it, but I don't want her to feel like she's planning it. She's in her mid-twenties, said a theme might be fun, and wants something laid back. The shower will be at her parent's house in our hometown.

I'm not sure how showers even work -- is there a registry for gifts? How do I figure out the invitations? Are "goody bags" given to the attendees? How much of this am I supposed to discuss with the bride and the bride's mother? What about the other bridesmaids? We're all graduate students who live in different cities, and it's been difficult to communicate as of yet. I'm welcome to experiences with showers as well as hearing from people who have planned them.

Also, if someone has advice about a book that would help guide me -- there are so many of them out there, and I have no idea if I even need one. If I do, which one should I check out from the library?

I'm also looking for tips on being a bridesmaid in general.

Help me find a bridesmaid dress that doesn't suck!

cgg — Thu, 14 Feb 2008 10:50:27 -0800

I need help picking a bridesmaid dress for myself, as the maid of honour, for my best friend's wedding. I haven't voluntarily worn a dress since my high school graduation, I've gained a ton of weight in the last year, and I really, really need help. More details and specs after the jump. My best friend is getting married in June. We really need to get my bridesmaid dresses ordered now. We've gone shopping already, but because we're all completely different body types and some of us are being rather picky about what they are and aren't willing to wear, we've decided to each get our own, as long as they follow the following criteria:
- Alfred Angelo dress
- has to be available in 'claret' red
- floor length

I have many problems here. The first is I hate dresses (i'm more a jeans and hoodie kinda gal), but i'm obviously willing to suck it up for my best friend. The second is that i'm completely clueless about fashion and what looks good and what doesn't look good on me. The third is, for a bunch of reasons both medical and my own fault, i've gained a ton of weight in the 12-18 months, and have gone from being a size 8-10 to a 12-14, and i'm still not used to dealing with the extra bulges, including the boobs. (The extra weight also means I've gone from a small B to a larger C - this is the one part of gaining weight I'm happy about!). But I'm definitely open to suggestions; I'll wear anything that isn't completely out there or hideous or poofy. That being said, I'd prefer to avoid excessive detail (rhinestones, big gaudy fabric roses, that sort of thing) - simple is better.

I'm pretty much doing this on my own (the bride is in Halifax, the other bridesmaids are also scattered across the country, and I'm in Vancouver.) Once I've found a dress, I can order it - but the trick is finding the right dress. The bride is actually quite laid back about the whole thing, and is more concerned about me being happy and comfortable with what i'm wearing than anything else, within reason of course. (which is why i love her!)

So ladies (or gents with fashion sense) -- any advice? What should I be looking for? What should I avoid? I'm really stressing out about this, so any and all advice is welcome!!!

Does the bride have to open shower gifts at a shower?

tastybrains — Tue, 20 Nov 2007 10:08:44 -0800

Does the bride have to open gifts at her bridal shower? I am my sister's maid of honor and trying to throw her a somewhat unique shower. She is not into the usual frilly tea-party with cheesy games and opening gifts, and so I've decided to throw it at one of her favorite restaurants (and the location of her first date with her fiance!), which is a hip BBQ / jazz restaurant.

I think that this will wind up being more of a meal out / party for everyone without the time or space to do things like open gifts. Is this a bad idea? Will guests be offended if the gifts aren't opened at the shower? My sister will be delighted not to open gifts at the shower - she wants a shower, but hates opening gifts in front of people.

P.S. Just to pre-empt the Miss Manners crap of how sisters shouldn't throw each other showers, I think that's b.s. as I'm the maid of honor, so I'm throwing the shower along with the other bridesmaids. Also, if you want to get technical, we're not even blood relatives - we're step sisters (even if we do look related).

A bridesmaid dress I WANT to wear??

Ambrosia Voyeur — Fri, 02 Nov 2007 13:25:37 -0800

Is it okay to wear a bridesmaid's dress before the wedding? I know, unbelievable. I have a bridesmaid's dress for an upcoming wedding that I like and can wear loads of places. What is the etiquette here, please?

Note: I actually already wore it. Had pictures taken in it, too, but feel uncomfortable uploading them and being caught red-handed in the possible transgression. I know it might "depend on the bride," but I suspect actually seeing me in the dress at another occasion might stir deep-seated questions of propriety and have unforeseen effects on any of her possible professed nonchalance.

Help me find a plus-size black, lace dress to wear as a bridesmaid dress.

tastybrains — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 12:02:56 -0800

I need help locating a bridesmaid dress for my sister's wedding. There are a few constraints, but basically I'm searching for a plus-size, a-line, black, lace dress. I'm having a lot of trouble finding what I want pretty much anywhere.

The basic requirements are that it must be black, long, and formal.

My additional requirements are that it is an a-line cut, has a scoop / v-neck / or strapless neckline, and that the longest sleeve length is cap sleeves (i prefer sleeveless).

I would *really* like a dress that is black with a black lace overlay. I am seeing a lot of dresses with a black lace overlay, but usually the fabric underneath is nude, white or another color. However, the dress has to be solid black.

It also has to be available in actual plus-sizes, not just a line that goes up to an 18.

I've been Googling & searching all the formalwear sites I know. Actual bridesmaid dress lines don't seem to have lace dresses from what I have seen. If you can help me find some sources, I will love you forever.

Thanks!

Help me get a bridesmaid dress made in DC

xaire — Wed, 15 Aug 2007 09:20:38 -0800

How to get a custom bridesmaid dress made in the Washington, DC area? Any vendor recommendations, concepts of how much it might cost/how much time it will take to get a custom bridesmaid dress, and advice on how to work with the dressmaker? This is all new to me.... The bride in question has given me material for the dress (chocolate brown silk charmeuse, if you're into that kind of thing) and the lining, and her only instructions were to have it be full length and no long sleeves. I have some general concepts of what I might like, but only pictures to show the designer. Is there any place online where I might find actual dress designs? Would having the dress design make it easier/less expensive for the dress maker

As I said, if you've had experience with any dressmakers in the DC area, much appreciated - google isn't turning up much besides tailors and alterations.

Final details I'm interested in is a guesstimate on the price I'm looking at, given that I already have the material, advice on how to keep the price down--I have a terrible feeling this could end up being quite expensive if I go into it totally clueless--and whether it's possible to have this done by November.

I can provide pictures of the dresses I'm interested in if that would be helpful. Thanks!!

Teenage drama never ends

Anonymous — Wed, 04 Apr 2007 20:41:07 -0800

UnneccesaryInternalDramaFilter: I need some help letting go of ridiculous, but intense, hurt feelings over two best friends' impending weddings. Short Version: I wasn't asked to be in either friend's wedding party, although I have been enthusasically invited to both ceremonies. I had been content with simply attending, until finding out today that Rachel IS in Phoebe's wedding. Yes, that makes me Monica. Yes, I know that's a dumb naming convention, but that was the first thing that came to mind as a shorthand for explaining our friendship trio. So now I am irrationally hurt, even though I had no right to expect to be asked by either of them. I just really want to let this completely useless feeling go before Phoebe's wedding in 3 weeks.

Looooooong Version: I went to college several hundreds of miles from home. I have known Rachel and her boyfriend for five years, and was close enough with both that we moved in together and lived in the same house for four years. We met Phoebe after she started dating a close friend before our junior year. The five of us (me plus the two couples) then lived together for the last two years of college.

I care very deeply about all four people, I truly consider them family. I miss them all desperately now that I have returned home, while they have stayed in College Town for continuing studies or to work. We have all made a very good effort, especially for me, at keeping up on emails, calling on birthdays, and so on. Since we all graduated last spring, the two couples got engaged (one within a month of graduating, the other in three months) and are getting married this summer. I am wildly happy for everyone, and I very much looking forward to attending both weddings.

So what the hell is the problem? Well, Phoebe asked Rachel to be in her wedding and I'm just irrationally jealous and hurt that I wasn't asked. I can talk myself through any number of completely legitimate reasons why (I do live far away, they probably got closer in the year since graduation, Phoebe has a future sister-in-law to include, and so on), but in the end I just feel left out and sad because I'm not a part of their lives any more, when we used to be so close. I'm now getting retro-actively upset about not being asked to the bridal shower or hen party or Jack and Jill, etc etc. and it just doesn't do me any good. Yes, I more than likely would have been unable to attend due to the distance, but I could have been invited. Maybe I'm just figuring out I have a different idea of how these sorts of things work.

I guess what I need is some help to act with some grace once I get up there for the wedding. I have lots of other good friends in town that I could stay with (Rachel invited me to stay with her, but I just feel like it would be weird when she and Mr. Rachel go to the rehersal dinner and I don't) and that I do also want to see. There are other mutual friends I know are invited to the wedding that I hope I will be seated with at dinner, etc.

The bottom line: Please tell me to grow the fuck up, and how to make that happen. Help me to be happy for my friends and not be so damn hung up on the fact that we're not as close as I thought we were. Rachel's wedding is still to come, I have no idea if Phoebe will be among her bridesmaids and I just don't even want to think about it. ARGH, when did I become such a GIRL? This is not my normal M.O. by a long shot.

Help Me Help the Bride

messylissa — Tue, 13 Mar 2007 23:59:32 -0800

Good sites for affordable bridesmaid dresses? My friend is getting married this September (I'll be in the wedding), and we are having one heck of a time finding bridesmaids dresses. She found one she LOVED (shown here [in the smoky plum color]), but at $160, not all of the bridesmaids can afford the dress. I know that, realistically, that's really fairly inexpensive for a wedding party dress, but because the timeline is 6 months, it's important to respect everyone's financial constraints (at least if you're going to be a Not Insane bride), which means that we're looking at a $100 ceiling.

What are some good places to look? We've done David's Bridal, Nordstrom's, Macy's, etc., but maybe there's some great secret (or not so secret) places we don't know about? The dress needs to be knee length and on the casual side, as it's an outdoor wedding in late summer/early fall (if that's at all helpful).

Thanks in advance!

What can I do with my bridesmaid dress?

christinetheslp — Mon, 29 Jan 2007 18:53:27 -0800

I'm done being the bridesmaid - now what can I do with the dress? Last March I stood up in a friend's wedding and we had bridesmaids' dresses that were a very pretty blue color. After the wedding I hung it in the back of my closet and I haven't had an occasion to wear it since.

It occurred to me today that I'd like to alter the dress so it's a little more wearable. After all, I paid a lot of money for it and I'd like to wear it more than once. The dress can be seen here...I think that if I had the skirt part taken up and modified the bodice somehow it could become a more casual-looking dress that I could wear as a guest to weddings or dinners.

So, I have two questions. First, ladies, would you take offense if your former bridesmaids altered their dresses after the wedding? I think that it would be pretty cool if the friends who stood up in my wedding were able to wear their dresses more than once, but I could see some people getting offended that the bridesmaids didn't keep the dress forever and ever for sentimental value. I know that this is a question to be hashed out between me and the bride, but I don't even want to approach her if this is some kind of huge faux pas.

Secondly, does this dress look like it will always scream, "Bridesmaid!" or do you think it's salvagable? Do you have any suggestions?

Thanks!

Coming to terms with my appearance

Anonymous — Wed, 18 May 2005 09:46:47 -0800

I've been asked by my best friend to be a bridesmaid next year, and while I've said yes, I'm really dreading it. Help me learn to like taking care of my appearance during the following 12 months? Background - I'm 26, female (obviously, hence being asked to be a bridesmaid) and from a family where academic achievement was important, or so it seemed to me, growing up - but no-one was pushing me to anything. I have achieved, academically by pushing myself (still working on how to do this professionally), but now I find that there are other battles to fight, and I don't feel strong enough.

I was very overweight as a teenager, and am less so now, but still need to lose around 40lb. I'm not all that unhappy about my appearance, but it is often the last thing I think about, and I resent that it has to be important. So much money and time which could be spent doing something interesting.

The result of all this is that I have never really practised finding out what suits me and what makes me look really good. I am going to have to at some point, I imagine, and I am not looking forward to it. Any of you been in similar situations and become more at one with your inner beautiful/well-dressed person?

As an aside, I also *hate* having my photo taken, and invariably look dreadful in photos. As another aside, just formulating this question has really helped me think about this problem, but I'd still like to know if anyone has any advice for me! Thanks! And sorry this was so long!