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Deciding if to turn a "breakup" into a friendship

Someone who I bonded with decided we had no spark, but wants to be friends. I am having trouble dealing with being rejected and my lowered self-esteem from the rejection but I feel like he is such a special person that I want to keep him as a friend. We had an intense online relationship for three months and dated for less than 2 weeks. Reading all these posts on MetaFilter has really helped me deal better with my breakup, but I still feel a inner turmoil about how I should handle my own situation. I don't feel that I trust my judgment so...here I am. Help on the matter is appreciated or just some advice or words would help me get through this. [more inside]
posted by LadyAerin on Oct 26, 2013 - 45 answers

High school sweethearts turned college breakup

Is it possible to love someone and want to "explore your options" at the same time? [more inside]
posted by xxxsweetambitionxxx on Oct 20, 2013 - 10 answers

How do I tell my friends my relationship has ended?

(Asking for a friend.) My long-term relationship just ended, and I'm trying to figure out how to tell all of my friends and acquaintances about it with a minimum of drama. I'm thinking a mass email is the way to go (Facebook seems like a horrible plan) but I can't deal with the thought of composing that email right now. Help, please! [more inside]
posted by restless_nomad on Oct 5, 2013 - 33 answers

Is it right to delay a breakup?

Should I delay a breakup until after an important test? [more inside]
posted by R a c h e l on Sep 22, 2013 - 31 answers

Please stop making me take sides

How can I navigate the breakup of my close friend with my sister, which is still causing problems years later? I’m caught in the middle trying to be friends with both and it’s very frustrating! [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 20, 2013 - 44 answers

How can I help my girlfriend with two dogs we just got after breakup?

I'm about to break up with my girlfriend of two years who I live with. We've had intermittent fights of me not being happy where it was going. The latest one happened just last week, the day before we picked up two dogs. She's going to keep the dogs (hard decision for me) if we break up, but what can I do to help? I feeling like I'm abandoning her with kids we just had. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 18, 2013 - 18 answers

I need tips for surviving a really hard breakup. With children.

Summary: I still love my children's father. We had a lot of problems in the four years we were together, but the last year or so I truly thought everything was getting better and we were happy. Then he suddenly broke up with me. And last night, he pocket-dialed me from a new girlfriend's house where I got to hear all the gushy giggly happy voices that used to be mine, as well as some x-rated stuff I am now trying to burn out of my memory. How am I supposed to cope with this? The only way I've ever gotten over an ex is to go no-contact, and rid my home/environment/live of everything that could possibly remind me of them; but, we have two small children together. I am going to have to look at his face three times a week for the next eighteen years, let alone the daily reminder of the children themselves, and I don't know how I'm going to cope. I'm in a horrible mental place right now and have no resources. Please help me. [more inside]
posted by celtalitha on Sep 13, 2013 - 40 answers

Should I give my ex a 4-hour ride?

My ex is not doing great after I picked an arbitrary day to end our relationship. One annoyance is that he now has to deal with finding his own transportation to some friends. I'm going up that way myself, and feel guilty about many things. Should I offer to take him? [more inside]
posted by segfault on Sep 12, 2013 - 28 answers

Should I to try to make this relationship work?

Usually, in my past relationships, it's been pretty obvious to me when things have run their course, and I have tended to approach the break-ups as a step forward - which has worked out okay for me up until now, since none of my exes have been super ideal matches for me. Now, though, I find myself feeling more and more dispassionate towards a boyfriend who is really, honestly a super great guy. Help me make a decision? [more inside]
posted by 129SvJ on Sep 11, 2013 - 26 answers

Remote DC care package?

One of my very closest friends just broke up with her boyfriend - specifically, he broke up with her and is horrible and etc. I am in NYC, but want to send her something to make her feel better. What can I get delivered to her house locally? [more inside]
posted by quadrilaterals on Sep 10, 2013 - 10 answers

Can't be together, but can't let go despite best efforts

I've just moved to somewhere that's a 24-hour plane ride away, we have different long-term goals yet the connection we had is undeniably rare and we can't stop grieving. Help me best handle this. [more inside]
posted by kinoeye on Sep 3, 2013 - 7 answers

hurting over past relationship now more than when the break up happened

I feel like I'm going backwards with the break up over my past relationship which occured over six months ago. I was fine for months afterwards and, in the past couple of weeks, I've been feeling increasingly guilty over my behaviour toward my depressed ex and it hurts to think about memories together and him in general much more than it used to. Is it normal, could it be because our one year anniversary would have been in a few days? Why is it happening, when I feel like I care more about my current bf than I did him? Am I betraying him? What should I do? [more inside]
posted by opalshards on Sep 3, 2013 - 5 answers

He left me. How do I make the nights bearable in the short term?

My boyfriend broke up with me with no warning signs late last week. It was mean and ugly and completely out of left field hours after declarations of love and talk of marriage. It was my first real relationship. Now I am alone and the pain is terrible, particularly at night. I know time will help, but I could use some help to manage the pain at night until time takes over. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 3, 2013 - 32 answers

I cheated, he found out. What now?

Boyfriend found out I was cheating on him. I want to apologize because I didn't get the chance to. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 3, 2013 - 51 answers

Mom, I'm breaking up with you.

I grew up in an abusive household, and severed ties with my abusive father after moving out. Over the years, I cut off more of the family because they didn't understand why I couldn't forgive and make up with my father. (They also had their own drama). But I've staying in touch with my mother, though at arm's length. I'm now seeing she wasn't the "good guy" in all this, or maybe a lifetime of being in a terrible relationship made her unbearable. I've made the decision I don't want her in my life, but I'm not sure what the best way to make it happen. [more inside]
posted by [insert clever name here] on Aug 26, 2013 - 20 answers

Is it okay to stop maintaining contact with a longtime 'friend'?

I have a 'friend' with whom I am not interested in maintaining a friendship any longer. She seems to feel otherwise and is being a bit persistent. I keep ignoring her emails and phone calls, but still, every few months or so, there she is. I really don't want to have to tell her that I don't want to be her friend anymore. What can I do? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 26, 2013 - 37 answers

Should I stay... Or really, how should I go?

How do I navigate a breakup with this woman who I respect and love, in a way that might encourage her to get better and find some happiness? Or should I even break up with her, given the potential good things that might come along if she did process through some of her stuff? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 25, 2013 - 32 answers

Strong Single Woman? Is there like...Cliff notes for this or something?

I'm single again. I know...KNOW that I MUST learn how to be OK with myself single. I crave being that strong, single women that people are drawn to and admire. But I'm to the point that I can't just say "I'm amazing!" and *snaps fingers* everything is peachy keen again. I need some specific things to do in order to move forward, distract myself from my loneliness, and learn to like being single. Can you add to the list of things to do? Come on in! [more inside]
posted by MultiFaceted on Aug 16, 2013 - 26 answers

Should I tell my supervisor the reason my proposal is late?

I'm a grad student working on a thesis proposal. Said thesis proposal was due about a week ago. The work was going pretty well until it got sidelined by an unexpected and devastating breakup with my SO, who I'd been living with. Between the moving-out and the emotional exhaustion I've neglected to update my supervisor, who's just emailed me asking why she hasn't seen the finished product yet. I'm nearly done at this point (I anticipate getting it to her by tomorrow), but I'm unsure about how to explain the delay. Is it appropriate to tell my supervisor that I'm late because of the breakup, or should I just say sorry and leave it at that?
posted by tealsocks on Aug 13, 2013 - 21 answers

What do I say?

So my fiance and I broke up recently. While a lot of the people in our community know, I continue to encounter situations in which I'm asked, "How's your fiance?" or "What's new with you?" I want them to know so they stop asking me. But if I say, "Actually, we broke up" their face falls and we enter a very awkward conversation full of forced empathy neither of us want to be in. What can I say in a sentence or two to avoid this fate? [more inside]
posted by ictow on Aug 9, 2013 - 21 answers

Keeping my cool in the face of an impending breakup

So my girlfriend had a talk with me. She's coming up on a major juncture in life and thinking about leaving the country. We've talked about it in the past, but she says she'd like to go alone. We'd been having issues prior to this, but that sounded to me like the death knell. We're still talking, and haven't broken up, but I'm angry and hurt. I don't usually think I have anger issues, but I can't stop dwelling on it. I need to stop, and let this go if it really is the end. Help. Snowflake details inside. [more inside]
posted by saysthis on Aug 3, 2013 - 29 answers

Breaking up; who should get the dog?

My relationship has ended quite dramatically and permanently. We need a completely clean break, which is mostly doable. One problem: we have a dog. What should I do? [more inside]
posted by Errant on Aug 2, 2013 - 102 answers

If I don't miss my ex, then why do I care that he has a new girlfriend?

Hi. I dated my ex for three years and we broke up a little over a year ago. At first I was very hurt and depressed, missed him terribly, was counting on getting back together, and couldn't imagine ever being attracted to or dating anyone again. Now I don't miss him at all and have no desire to be with him, and no longer compare every guy I meet to him. I thought I was over everything, but then last week I found out he's finally dating someone else and I can't help but feel hurt, like I've been replaced. I keep thinking about what she's like and why he likes her even though I do not want to be with him at all. To make matters worse my ex and I work together, so it's possible we might all run into each other, and that makes me want to vomit. I feel like I'm moving ten steps backward in my healing process. How do I proceed?
posted by thank you silence on Jul 28, 2013 - 10 answers

How do you come to terms with your feelings after a break up?

I've just broken up with someone I still love after a very tumultuous year and am struggling with feelings of shame. What ways can you suggest to deal with these feelings and come to terms with what has happened? [more inside]
posted by Ranting Prophet of DOOM! on Jul 28, 2013 - 9 answers

What questions should I ask my recent ex?

I got dumped recently, and we're finishing the breakup tomorrow night. What questions should I ask? [more inside]
posted by jenlovesponies on Jul 23, 2013 - 71 answers

What are some hacks to not crave my ex?

I am already doing no contact and no exposure to my ex. Still, I get very regular cravings, thoughts, and dreams about them. It takes time out of my day, and disrupts my other relationships. I don't imagine I can make this stop, maybe ever, or for a long time. It's already been about a year. What are some practical, concrete tips to make this impact me less? [more inside]
posted by htid on Jul 19, 2013 - 17 answers

How bad is breaking up on a birthday?

I need to break up with my long-term partner but there is never a good time to do it. Is it a good idea to break up with him on/near his birthday or better to postpone? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 12, 2013 - 39 answers

Is it time to break up?

Is it time to break up finally? I'm fed up. But quite possibly I'm at fault. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 11, 2013 - 124 answers

Long distance break-up

I have looked at other long-distance breakup questions, but mine has additional complications. We are semi-long distance, they have a car and I do not. In order to get to their place I take a train, they pick me up at the station, then it's a twenty minute drive from the station town through a rural area to his town. Cabs are extremely scarce and generally unwilling to travel between towns. How should I do this? [more inside]
posted by Hey nonny nonny mouse on Jul 10, 2013 - 26 answers

BreakupFilter: What if Miko's advice will come across as patronizing?

This is a sockpuppet because my main account has my real name. So this guy is part of a group of friends. I will continue to see him everywhere. This is not a huge town. We kinda hooked up a few months ago and he asked me out on a formal date and I got caught up in the grand gestures of flowers and chivalry and texting me sweet things (which if you look at my other posts about my last boyfriend, you can probably see why I fell for it all.) [more inside]
posted by inmyhead on Jul 10, 2013 - 29 answers

Not always attracted to Fiance. May break up, need some advice!

Not always attracted to Fiance. May break up, need some advice! [more inside]
posted by red47Apple on Jun 20, 2013 - 41 answers

Seize the day... in the suckiest sense.

AskingForAFriend filter (at his suggestion): I had the "perfect" chance to break up, and I blew it. What now, metafilter? [more inside]
posted by six sided sock on Jun 18, 2013 - 17 answers

Yet another "relationship" ends.

Do you think it's better to fight for a relationship ends or let it be and move on? [more inside]
posted by Lillypad331 on Jun 13, 2013 - 33 answers

A breakup means you break things off...

This was me. Short version: was in a 6 year relationship with about a year of long distance, partner dumped me for someone else out of the blue. A month later he broke up with her and has since been really working hard for us to get back together. I can't imagine trusting him enough to get back into a relationship, but I love him and he's my best friend so we're doing this weird friends-who-miss-one-another and love-one-another thing that I know will eventually end badly. What should I do? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 11, 2013 - 25 answers

Why am I getting crazy/threatening phone calls from my ex's new girl?

I've started getting threatening phone calls from my ex's new girlfriend and I'm trying to figure out what's going on. [more inside]
posted by Autumn on Jun 10, 2013 - 25 answers

It's over, now what?

4 months ago, I (a woman) broke up with my boyfriend of over a decade. The breakup came out of the blue, and neither of us were prepared for the aftermath that comes with dissolving a household. Things are still not completely done, and I feel like they need to be so that I can actually start to move past that chapter in my life. On the other hand, I've been avoiding dealing with these issues for months because of how my ex lashes out at me every time he gets the chance. I need some help formulating a plan to get it all done and stay sane in the meantime. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 10, 2013 - 12 answers

How do I get back out there when my ex is associated with everyone?

How do I move on and meet new people when my ex is popular and so well-liked? [more inside]
posted by Butterflye1010 on Jun 9, 2013 - 7 answers

Songs for the dumper?

While coping with his decision to end a long-term relationship (and being vilified by his family and friends as a result), a friend of mine recently commented that "People only write songs about the guy being dumped. Nobody sings about the other guy." Intuitively, this feels untrue to me, but I'm having a surprisingly tough time coming up with counter-examples. Metafilter: Can you recommend some songs written for/about being the person who initiates the end of a relationship? [more inside]
posted by schmod on Jun 3, 2013 - 128 answers

Did I just break up with myself?

I recently had a very confusing break-up conversation that I am having a lot of trouble decoding. [more inside]
posted by karminai on Jun 2, 2013 - 21 answers

Forget it, doc, I think it's really cool that you're concerned...

I've recently experienced a significant family loss. I also need to leave my long-term partner. How does this go exactly? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 31, 2013 - 14 answers

How do I keep one (little) footbridge unburned in a breakup?

I am trying to write a short breakup email to someone I need to go "no contact" with for a while... while still leaving a relatively positive line of communication open between us, longer-term. How do I do this? [more inside]
posted by argonauta on May 24, 2013 - 14 answers

Engagement didn't work out - but she's still on the mortgage

So I got engaged and bought a house with my fiancee. We lived together for a couple of years but it did not go well and she moved out. So I'd like to keep the house but do that I'll need to get her off the mortgage and off the deed. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 22, 2013 - 23 answers

My girlfriend cheated on me. Help me find books to distract me.

Long story short. Girlfriend of 2+ years cheated on me. We broke up, but this is right before I'm going to be spending a few months moving back home and doing a whole lot of nothing. I'm looking for recommendations for books to help keep me from dwelling on this, specific tastes below. [more inside]
posted by aleatorictelevision on May 20, 2013 - 23 answers

DTMFA!

How to deal with people who constantly complain about their relationship, but take no action? [more inside]
posted by thank you silence on May 19, 2013 - 17 answers

So I guess its over now?

How to deal with heartbreak and the logistics of 'what next?'. [more inside]
posted by hellameangirl on May 17, 2013 - 30 answers

I keep bumping into a former friend at parties. What do I say?

I quite conclusively ended the friendship. Now I'm seeing her at social events all over town, and she doesn't seem willing to play my 'you don't exist and I can't see you' game. What do I do next? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 17, 2013 - 32 answers

Walking on egg shells is exhausting.

My friend has done a lot for me. That doesn't change the fact that she is a miserable person. How do I breakup with a friend when I feel beholden to her? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 12, 2013 - 20 answers

Still miss my ex and struggling to move on.

I’m a 31 year-old female. About 9 months ago, a 2-year relationship ended. I’m still struggling a lot with it. How abnormal is this, and what else can I do? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 1, 2013 - 18 answers

Ending semi-casual relationships to go exclusive with someone else

I've been seeing someone semi-casually for about five months -- not quite a proper relationship, but definitely not just casually dating either. Recently I met someone else whom I now want to date exclusively. What's the script for this? [more inside]
posted by modernserf on Apr 23, 2013 - 12 answers

I love my girlfriend, but cannot shake this feeling.

I have been dating my girlfriend for 2 years and am very much in love. She is bipolar and it is affecting my emotional and mental health. I cannot shake these feelings of leaving her but I know love is hard to come by. What should I do? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 22, 2013 - 25 answers

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