760 posts tagged with breakup.
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Do I squash the seed of leaving or just let it grow?

I've been thinking a lot about my relationship. Maybe it was a mistake asking a question before, but now I can't stop thinking and debating, feeling guilty and exhausted about my relationship. Please advise for hopefully the last time I bring this up. The snowflakes are falling inside and it's a long post, sorry. [more inside]
posted by socky bottoms on Jun 30, 2016 - 27 answers

How to avoid invoking cruelty and remain friends, post breakup

I don't like being in relationships, but I enjoy being friends with my exes. I always ask to be friends instead. However, almost all of them have lashed out cruelly either during the breakup or post-breakup. How do I stop causing this behavior? [more inside]
posted by kinoeye on Jun 9, 2016 - 39 answers

how to handle ending an engagement when we love each other.

It's becoming increasingly evident that my fiance and I need to break our engagement and part ways. This whole thing has been fraught from the start, but I am so, so, so, so, so sad and I don't know how to manage this. I feel like I am melting. If you have broken an engagement, can you give me tips/advice/helpful stories? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 3, 2016 - 14 answers

Should I break up with him?

So, me and my boyfriend have been together for over a year and a half. Met online shortly after I got out of a 5 year relationship. It has been an interesting relationship. I've had really good times along with bad and doubts throughout. I feel like I am bad at relationships; I don't really have standards for boyfriends or something, I don't know what my problem is, and if anyone can point it out to me it might help me... [more inside]
posted by anon1129 on May 31, 2016 - 36 answers

Help me end my long term relationship … or help me fix it?

My LTR has a lot going for it but I don't think the good outweighs the bad and I am trying to end it as painlessly as possible. Not sure how to proceed. (It is a blizzard in there, sorry.) [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 17, 2016 - 41 answers

Sticky Wicket

You are close friends with a couple (Tom and Tina). Tina shares the news with you that she and Tom broke up two weeks ago, they are both devastated and not ready to tell the larger friend group, and they have gone no-contact. Do you reach out to Tom, and if so, how and when? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 17, 2016 - 18 answers

Help me understand the end of my relationship with a trauma survivor

I'm still trying to make sense of how a man with PTSD/trauma survivor I dated broke things off with me. Looking for insights and resources about the psychology of someone who has gone through hell and come out the other side and how that affects their ability to have a relationship. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 7, 2016 - 24 answers

I will survive

He broke up with me. I'm not bitter, but I am in pain. I'm looking for fiction or non-fiction books about starting again from nothing. I have When Things Fall Apart and I've ordered a used copy of Eat, Pray, Love. What else can I read that will help me get to the other side of this?
posted by anonymous on May 4, 2016 - 19 answers

Clarifying a breakup over email- good or bad idea?

I broke up with my boyfriend of two years two days ago (on Skype, since it was a long distance relationship). I'm horrible at expressing my thoughts and emotions in person/by voice, especially when I'm upset, so the Skype breakup involved a lot of crying and me not being able to answer his questions properly. It was really horrible and I feel terrible. My question is, now that I've had a couple days to calm down and think more clearly--would it be okay to send him a single email that more coherently says everything that I want to say, but didn't get to say? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 4, 2016 - 22 answers

Getting her back from the dead presidents

Looking for songs where the girl (or boy) is telling the boy or girl who left them - even though the two had found true love - for an opportunity to be financially or societally secure - to come back to their relationship and to real love.
posted by jitterbug perfume on Apr 30, 2016 - 15 answers

Should I just cut the damn bait already?

I really like this guy, but I'm not sure if I'm seeing red flags where there aren't any or if I'm totally the rebound. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 27, 2016 - 27 answers

Have I made a mistake?

I broke up with my first real long term boyfriend about a month ago, but it was dragged out for a few weeks so only unofficially ended with no contact a few days ago. [more inside]
posted by izz97 on Apr 26, 2016 - 9 answers

Flowers AFTER Breakup?

My GF's 17YO daughter is experiencing her first real breakup. She's devastated. As her mom's BF for the last many years, would flowers be an appropriate way for me to express my sadness for her situation? Color?
posted by bricksNmortar on Apr 24, 2016 - 31 answers

Was my ex a narcissist?

I just emerged from a relationship of several months which I have since realized was emotionally abusive. In attempting to understand it I have come to think that maybe she had NPD, but I don't know whether this is an accurate characterization. [more inside]
posted by myitkyina on Apr 4, 2016 - 25 answers

How to break down the pedestal you created?

What's a great sentiment that someone shared with you or that you discovered on your own that really helped you break away from framing your thoughts around a relationship that ended? What helped bring your ex off the pedestal? [more inside]
posted by modernman on Mar 25, 2016 - 19 answers

How do I stop living with anger about being rejected?

How do I deal with the constant pang of rejection? Her image is in my head all day long, every day. It's been almost 2 months since the breakup. The breakup was for the best and I have been keeping myself really busy otherwise, reconnecting with myself. I am not contacting her. [more inside]
posted by pixelsnbits on Mar 15, 2016 - 26 answers

How do I get over this friend breakup?

I've been dumped. I have no idea how to handle it. Bonus difficulty: I am a late-40s woman and the dumper is/was my best friend of many years. I'm in a state of confusion and sadness. I live a life that never, ever has this level of personal drama, so while the rest of you have been asking these questions here, I've been whistling along, thinking it doesn't relate to me. Now it does. Help. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 11, 2016 - 22 answers

Just broke up: How to ride the sorrow?

Just broke up with my wonderful boyfriend using Miko's justly famous script. Now what? [more inside]
posted by Bella Donna on Mar 6, 2016 - 9 answers

Coming to terms with a messy breakup

This relationship destroyed me. I feel that, after having given a lot, I was led on. But now I don't know whether I was wrong to feel this way... [more inside]
posted by myitkyina on Mar 6, 2016 - 24 answers

Are we self-sabotaging or is it the right thing?

My girlfriend of 4 years and I have recently started having some very matter of fact conversations about our relationship. We're each sort of wondering if it's got 'too serious' for this point in our lives. Put briefly, does this make any sense? Or are we just sabotaging something that's otherwise fine? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 22, 2016 - 12 answers

Friendship right after a break-up?

Hi everyone, I recently broke up with a guy (met online) I dated for 4 months. We were never officially bf/gf and we never slept together. Our dates felt platonic because we never went past 2nd base. It was a mutual breakup because we both wanted different things. I wanted a committed relationship and he wasn't ready for that. When we broke up about a week ago, he said he'd like to be friends and I told him I didn't want that. I feel like I'm in a clear mindset now and I realize things ended for the right reasons but I still enjoy his company and we got along great. Is it too soon for me to suggest that we be friends and continue to hang out platonically?
posted by missybitsy on Feb 18, 2016 - 8 answers

break-up the breakdown

Give me your tips on getting through the acute part of a break-up. [more inside]
posted by quadrilaterals on Feb 18, 2016 - 30 answers

Help dealing with a dying NT-Aspie relationship

In short, I am trying to help myself accept that I have to end my relationship with my boyfriend. Although he has never been diagnosed, I'm fairly certain that he has Asperger's (whereas I'm NT), and our inability to communicate with one another is taking a toll on my mental health. He is full of love and respect for me but has done things that hurt me and our relationship so badly, that I feel that I cannot recover at this point. Please help me find the strength and resources to get through this. [more inside]
posted by NeverGrowSoOldAgain on Feb 17, 2016 - 41 answers

Preserving the stability I've worked so hard to achieve

After being diagnosed with bipolar II, my partner and I accidentally built my coping strategies around my total emotional reliance on him. Now that I have my career on track and have moved into what was to be "our home," I feel my stability at risk as it truly sinks in that he is exiting the relationship, but wants to remain as friends and a support system. How can I process this grief without compromising my stability? [more inside]
posted by asmith30 on Feb 17, 2016 - 19 answers

How to stop dating after a couple dates?

I'm 32, date women and men, and am just getting back into dating. After two-three dates, what's the polite way to let someone know that you're not interested in dating further (because of lack of chemistry or whatever)? Does it change based on how naked you got with them? These are mostly internet dates where we text a little, don't talk on the phone, and don't see one another outside dating.
posted by anonymous on Feb 16, 2016 - 27 answers

Should I break up with my cold-footed boyfriend? If so, how?

I am 28, female. My boyfriend is 27. We’ve been dating for almost 2 years. He has consistently talked about marriage, “someday when we’re married” etc. and I don’t doubt he really meant it in the moment. But, as seems pretty typical, I get the feeling that his “someday” really means “after you’ve dated me for 5-6 years and we’re both 31.” I don’t want to wait that long. [more inside]
posted by stockpuppet on Feb 4, 2016 - 72 answers

An anti-Valentine's Day Valentine's Day

After months of trying to make a relationship work (and scouring previous AskMes for situations similar to mine), I have started that all-important no contact phase. But what to do on Valentine’s Day? Truth be told, this holiday has always been a disappointment but I feel that given my current situation, the usual feeling of dread I’ve associated with it will escalate to a full-blown breakdown. It’s hard enough to prevent myself from weeping at the barrage of flowers and displays of affection and celebrations I have to witness/participate in as friends and colleagues get married or engaged one after the other. I do not begrudge anybody’s happiness, but seeing other people happily in love feels just a tad self-torturous at this time. I know that I canNOT stay at home on February 14 as that could only mean a day of self-pity and wallowing in my sadness. However, I also do not fancy finding myself in restaurants, the theater, museums, etc. surrounded by couples celebrating the day. Again, I normally take delight in seeing people in love but I’d like to take a wee break from all that. So what could I do in or around NYC in lieu of both scenarios?
posted by anonymous on Feb 3, 2016 - 24 answers

Midlife dating and how to cope with a sudden break up?

I'm in my early 50s and divorced for three years. For the last two years, I have been dating (but not living with) a man who is long-term separated from his wife who lives in a different country. This is an open relationship, not an affair. She is aware of me, and knows we are together. I have met her several times (we get on well) and I am introduced to the family as "Dad's good friend". He has two children, one at University and the other (16) lives with his Mom. During his last trip home, his 16 year old begged him to return home. My partner will likely do so. I know I can't play a part in this decision, but how do I take care of myself now? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 27, 2016 - 13 answers

Friendship after a break up

If you are someone who is or has been good friends with an ex-partner, how does that happen and what does it look like? What do you think are the necessary conditions for this to happen? How do you navigate feelings and boundaries? What are timelines like (ie is there a cooling off period involved)? Do you get jealous of their new partners? Thanks in advance. [more inside]
posted by mossicle on Jan 23, 2016 - 17 answers

Like a funeral, but for my ex, who isn't dead.

Months ago, I broke up with someone I was with for 7 years, under very sad no-one's-fault circumstances. I still love him and miss him like crazy. The sadness comes and goes. I think about him every day. I'd like to draw a line and move on and think it would help it I can decisively mark The End on that chapter of my life. I'm looking for ideas for how to make that mark. Some kind of ritual or ceremony. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 22, 2016 - 14 answers

Would you want to know?

If you were cheated on in an ugly way, would you want to know that the guy's next relationship (with the person he cheated on you with) also ended up in him cheating on her? Would it give you closure? [more inside]
posted by minoraltercation on Jan 16, 2016 - 66 answers

I'm not really sure what happened... bipolar disorder reared its head

I have bipolar disorder and everything fell apart. I made straight Fs in school because I laid in bed for two months. I became more delirious and started hallucinating recently. Love of my life left. What the hell do I do now? [more inside]
posted by squirtle on Jan 5, 2016 - 32 answers

Breaking up is hard to do

My phone service is VOIP through Comcast/Xfinity and, for the most part, I'm satisfied with it. But I keep having a recurring and troubling problem with the other person breaking up after about one hour; usually more than an hour, sometimes a little less. Can anything be done? [more inside]
posted by DrGail on Jan 5, 2016 - 4 answers

Still struggling with the break up and don't know what to do?

I'm still recovering from a break up from October. It wasn't long but I fell hard for her, hard enough that I saw myself settling down with her and having a family. I didn't date anyone since my last ex, so about 3.5 years since my last real relationship. I know I probably shouldn't have started anything with my ex because I know she was going to move to New Orleans for her medical residency (I'm still in San Francisco.) [more inside]
posted by kser333 on Dec 31, 2015 - 13 answers

Letting go of narcissist-ish ex

Need help on moving on from a relationship with someone who has acted toward me with what feels like overwhelming condescension and anger. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Dec 24, 2015 - 17 answers

How to help cheating ex without hurting myself

Ex cheated on me. It hurts. She's now in an abusive, controlling relationship. Where do I draw the line between helping her and helping me? Many, many snow flurries inside. [more inside]
posted by AnonymousPuppet on Dec 21, 2015 - 30 answers

Navigating a relationship-turned-friendship

I was dating someone that I really liked and now he just wants to be friends. Help me navigate this. I am probably way overthinking it. Snowflakes inside. [more inside]
posted by Amy93 on Dec 12, 2015 - 34 answers

End of an intimate relationship. How do I stay positive?

My sexual relationship has ended. It was one of the few stress-free things in my life, and now I fear for my mental and emotional health because of upcoming holidays, SAD, and a few other stressors. [more inside]
posted by destroying_angel on Dec 8, 2015 - 10 answers

Do I need to debrief this brief relationship?

Long story short, a guy I met online sent me a text saying that he was in love with me, after our first date. I talked to him about it and he seemed to understand that it was too much too soon and it made me uncomfortable. It kept happening (he was texting, emailing, calling, talking about how much he missed me and about "us"), all within a month. During that time, he gave me a beautiful piece of art. About a week later, I broke it off. Now he's calling me asking for the piece of art back and asking what went wrong. [more inside]
posted by bright and shiny on Nov 24, 2015 - 45 answers

Exploring anger post breakup

In the final minutes of my last session, my therapist encouraged me to explore anger following the abrupt end of a short term relationship. I don't feel angry. How might I approach this? [more inside]
posted by nathaole on Nov 23, 2015 - 22 answers

Newly single, no career, self-esteem shattered; where do I go from here?

So, I feel like I am losing all grip on reality. I feel aimless, horrible…and confused. (continued below) [more inside]
posted by seeyouinberlin on Nov 16, 2015 - 22 answers

Time for a Life Reboot. Should I do this? How do I do this?

My fiance/partner of 8 years broke up with me a few months ago and it is definitely over. I am trying to decide how to proceed in starting my life over. I am seriously considering moving out of state. It is difficult because I have OCD and anxiety and ADHD etc. Simply put, I have a hard time making any decisions. I'll spend weeks researching which cell phone to get. When I am faced with a decision of this enormity, it is almost unbearable. I am terrified of making a decision that I will regret. Details inside. [more inside]
posted by kbbbo on Nov 8, 2015 - 23 answers

Partner locked me out of my house

I've been living with my partner for almost 2 years. Partner owns the house and there is no lease. Yesterday I broke up with partner and left, taking only my necessities. I left my key with partner as reassurance that I wouldn't be making any surprise visits or entering the house without consent. Now, based on conversations we had last night, I am worried that it will be difficult to get access to my belongings and pets. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 4, 2015 - 9 answers

Should I return my ex-partner's last month's rent? I have to, right?

I was dumped at the end of September. He paid rent for October, but moved out on the 15th. I have an arrangement worked out with the landlady to end the lease early and move out in early December. We all forgot that dumper and I paid first & last month's rent when we signed the lease, so technically his last month in the apartment should have been covered. Should I refund his last month's rent? More details inside you need 'em... [more inside]
posted by adastra on Oct 31, 2015 - 48 answers

How do I start living again while going through a break-up?

The ex and I broke up a little over a month ago. We dated 7 months, and were friends/FWB on and off for 5 years before that since we dated for a month in 2010. A week ago he told me he wants nothing to do with me and I'm heartbroken. I haven't done anything but sleep and watch TV for a week. How do I get out of this slump? [more inside]
posted by Autumn on Oct 25, 2015 - 15 answers

How to cope when you are pushed away?

I met someone fantastic. We really clicked and I was so excited about the future. [more inside]
posted by sevensnowflakes on Oct 21, 2015 - 12 answers

A web of deceit and misdirection, or, how to ruin two relationships

I've been dating a lovely woman for almost 4 years this fall but, within the past year, have developed an on-again-off-again romantic relationship with a former coworker. I feel the later has developed to a point that it is make-or-break while the former continues along without hiccup. I have a huge number of conflicting feelings... [more inside]
posted by landofthefree on Oct 18, 2015 - 25 answers

How do I enjoy being single?

My ex moved out roughly 2 weeks ago. I'm feeling extremely sad and alone. How do I not jump into another relationship right away? [more inside]
posted by Nicole21 on Oct 16, 2015 - 20 answers

One night stand with a co-worker, what should I do?

I cheated on my fiancé with a co-worker, what should I do? [more inside]
posted by somersault on Oct 9, 2015 - 40 answers

Break-up + small town; do I have to move?

I moved to a small town and started dating a guy pretty much right away. He had already been living there for a couple years at that point. Fast-forward three years: I broke up with him. We both still love our small town. Do I have to move? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 7, 2015 - 42 answers

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