This was me. We've living apart, not really communicating, and still married. Now what? [more inside]
I've been dating someone long distance for a few months and have noticed a sudden shift in our conversations the last two weeks. He is still in contact daily but has subtly become less affectionate. I feel like he is no longer emotionally invested and I don't want to continue. How do I extricate myself gracefully from an undefined relationship? [more inside]
I heard it on country radio some time between 2008 and 2011, I think it was on a lot back then. It's sung by a man in first person, about reluctantly going on a date despite still being depressed about a past breakup, and having his world brought back to life by the new woman during the course of the evening. [more inside]
When you enter a new relationship with a secure person after one that has traumatized you, how do you separate the anxiety triggered by trauma from legitimate ones about the new relationship? [more inside]
I have lost everything this past year. How do I move forward? [more inside]
I think breaking up is probably a good decision, but I think this is something we should discuss. But I'm not sure how to have this conversation. [more inside]
After my recent question about a long distance relationship going awry, it has ended. He broke up with me and I didn't try to stop it. I know it was the right thing, and break ups are never easy, but I'm finding it really hard to cope. Please help me find some hope in all of this. [more inside]
Do we try to take a break, even though we live together? We get along so well as friends, and spend time together, but he's basically stopped being affectionate and said he's not sure if he loves me romantically anymore? How do we move forward? [more inside]
The last year, I've been living with with a difficult man whom I love dearly. He is much older than me and we have a large number of areas of emotional difficulty. I've given it a chance for a year because of my love for him and understanding and respect for what he is given all the trauma he's gone though. But I realise this is more emotionally stressful than I can handle, and besides, it is quite likely I will want children while he doesn't, so it's time to split up. NOW is the time because he's abroad for two months and I have time to process the decision and move out of our home as (or before) he returns. I need break-up advice! [more inside]
I'm in a wonderful, loving relationship but I can't seem to stop feeling pessimistic about what our future together would look like. I'm not sure whether to stay or go and need help thinking through how to go about doing either. [more inside]
You see it in the movies, two lovers split but somehow run into each other and fall in love again and are able to be together. It seems silly, but I've fallen in love and I'm not sure if it's a stupid idea to wait around for something like the movies. [more inside]
My now ex-friend, a friend of ten years, close friend for seven, and best friend for one, broke up with me as my best friend and friend after it became clear that I wasn't going to date him. How do I set and enforce good boundaries to keep it from backsliding into the same nonsense drama (or new drama) when we share so many spaces, including living space? [more inside]
BFF of a no-contact ex reached out to me and apparently wants to be friendly. I'm wary. Should I be? [more inside]
I'm living with my partner, and the relationship is probably emotionally over...but I can't move out due to Reasons. I'll try to keep it short as possible below (oops, I didn't, it's wayyy too long), but I'm looking for both practical and emotional solutions or advice. It's a should I stay or should I go question, but of course there's always particulars. [more inside]
My ex-boyfriend and I (a woman) were together for the better part of a decade, starting in our mid 20s. We both thought that we would be partners for life. But in the first few weeks of this year, after several months of conversation about our life goals, I decided to break up with him, because we had grown to have different goals re: marriage & children (I want both; he wanted neither). I do not want the relationship back, but I would like for us to stay in touch. Is now an okay time to reach out? Please read the rest. [more inside]
What helped you stop fearing that you're a bad person for putting your needs before others wants, when those people were really suffering? (Context: relatiobships) [more inside]
My friend just had a breakup and wants to know if there is an app to manage Facebook posts to help her wipe the boyfriend material without having to review all of it.
For my first outside-of-my-first-relationship relationship (or whatever you would call it, there's no titles for anything anymore), I am very confused how to do this successfully and without getting hurt. Please help me understand how to navigate a casual relationship without hurting myself. Slight snowflakes inside. [more inside]
A month ago my ex ended our fairly toxic intense four month relationship (we discussed marriage, babies, met one another's families, etc). Host of reasons contributed to the demise including his (functional) alcoholism, my perceived neediness, his total lack of interest in my life (past or current)...in the end I felt like a trophy GF that he could parade around his friends just to show everyone he is capable of having a GF. Oh, and he didn't tell me about a STD until after we had sex the first time. [more inside]
I've been thinking a lot about my relationship. Maybe it was a mistake asking a question before, but now I can't stop thinking and debating, feeling guilty and exhausted about my relationship. Please advise for hopefully the last time I bring this up. The snowflakes are falling inside and it's a long post, sorry. [more inside]
I don't like being in relationships, but I enjoy being friends with my exes. I always ask to be friends instead. However, almost all of them have lashed out cruelly either during the breakup or post-breakup. How do I stop causing this behavior? [more inside]
It's becoming increasingly evident that my fiance and I need to break our engagement and part ways. This whole thing has been fraught from the start, but I am so, so, so, so, so sad and I don't know how to manage this. I feel like I am melting. If you have broken an engagement, can you give me tips/advice/helpful stories? [more inside]
So, me and my boyfriend have been together for over a year and a half. Met online shortly after I got out of a 5 year relationship. It has been an interesting relationship. I've had really good times along with bad and doubts throughout. I feel like I am bad at relationships; I don't really have standards for boyfriends or something, I don't know what my problem is, and if anyone can point it out to me it might help me... [more inside]
My LTR has a lot going for it but I don't think the good outweighs the bad and I am trying to end it as painlessly as possible. Not sure how to proceed. (It is a blizzard in there, sorry.) [more inside]
You are close friends with a couple (Tom and Tina). Tina shares the news with you that she and Tom broke up two weeks ago, they are both devastated and not ready to tell the larger friend group, and they have gone no-contact. Do you reach out to Tom, and if so, how and when? [more inside]
I'm still trying to make sense of how a man with PTSD/trauma survivor I dated broke things off with me. Looking for insights and resources about the psychology of someone who has gone through hell and come out the other side and how that affects their ability to have a relationship. [more inside]
He broke up with me. I'm not bitter, but I am in pain. I'm looking for fiction or non-fiction books about starting again from nothing. I have When Things Fall Apart and I've ordered a used copy of Eat, Pray, Love. What else can I read that will help me get to the other side of this?
I broke up with my boyfriend of two years two days ago (on Skype, since it was a long distance relationship). I'm horrible at expressing my thoughts and emotions in person/by voice, especially when I'm upset, so the Skype breakup involved a lot of crying and me not being able to answer his questions properly. It was really horrible and I feel terrible. My question is, now that I've had a couple days to calm down and think more clearly--would it be okay to send him a single email that more coherently says everything that I want to say, but didn't get to say? [more inside]
Looking for songs where the girl (or boy) is telling the boy or girl who left them - even though the two had found true love - for an opportunity to be financially or societally secure - to come back to their relationship and to real love.
I really like this guy, but I'm not sure if I'm seeing red flags where there aren't any or if I'm totally the rebound. [more inside]
I broke up with my first real long term boyfriend about a month ago, but it was dragged out for a few weeks so only unofficially ended with no contact a few days ago. [more inside]
My GF's 17YO daughter is experiencing her first real breakup. She's devastated. As her mom's BF for the last many years, would flowers be an appropriate way for me to express my sadness for her situation? Color?
I just emerged from a relationship of several months which I have since realized was emotionally abusive. In attempting to understand it I have come to think that maybe she had NPD, but I don't know whether this is an accurate characterization. [more inside]
What's a great sentiment that someone shared with you or that you discovered on your own that really helped you break away from framing your thoughts around a relationship that ended? What helped bring your ex off the pedestal? [more inside]
How do I deal with the constant pang of rejection? Her image is in my head all day long, every day. It's been almost 2 months since the breakup. The breakup was for the best and I have been keeping myself really busy otherwise, reconnecting with myself. I am not contacting her. [more inside]
I've been dumped. I have no idea how to handle it. Bonus difficulty: I am a late-40s woman and the dumper is/was my best friend of many years. I'm in a state of confusion and sadness. I live a life that never, ever has this level of personal drama, so while the rest of you have been asking these questions here, I've been whistling along, thinking it doesn't relate to me. Now it does. Help. [more inside]
Just broke up with my wonderful boyfriend using Miko's justly famous script. Now what? [more inside]
This relationship destroyed me. I feel that, after having given a lot, I was led on. But now I don't know whether I was wrong to feel this way... [more inside]
My girlfriend of 4 years and I have recently started having some very matter of fact conversations about our relationship. We're each sort of wondering if it's got 'too serious' for this point in our lives. Put briefly, does this make any sense? Or are we just sabotaging something that's otherwise fine? [more inside]
Hi everyone, I recently broke up with a guy (met online) I dated for 4 months. We were never officially bf/gf and we never slept together. Our dates felt platonic because we never went past 2nd base. It was a mutual breakup because we both wanted different things. I wanted a committed relationship and he wasn't ready for that. When we broke up about a week ago, he said he'd like to be friends and I told him I didn't want that. I feel like I'm in a clear mindset now and I realize things ended for the right reasons but I still enjoy his company and we got along great. Is it too soon for me to suggest that we be friends and continue to hang out platonically?
Give me your tips on getting through the acute part of a break-up. [more inside]
In short, I am trying to help myself accept that I have to end my relationship with my boyfriend. Although he has never been diagnosed, I'm fairly certain that he has Asperger's (whereas I'm NT), and our inability to communicate with one another is taking a toll on my mental health. He is full of love and respect for me but has done things that hurt me and our relationship so badly, that I feel that I cannot recover at this point. Please help me find the strength and resources to get through this. [more inside]
After being diagnosed with bipolar II, my partner and I accidentally built my coping strategies around my total emotional reliance on him. Now that I have my career on track and have moved into what was to be "our home," I feel my stability at risk as it truly sinks in that he is exiting the relationship, but wants to remain as friends and a support system. How can I process this grief without compromising my stability? [more inside]
I'm 32, date women and men, and am just getting back into dating. After two-three dates, what's the polite way to let someone know that you're not interested in dating further (because of lack of chemistry or whatever)? Does it change based on how naked you got with them? These are mostly internet dates where we text a little, don't talk on the phone, and don't see one another outside dating.
I am 28, female. My boyfriend is 27. We’ve been dating for almost 2 years. He has consistently talked about marriage, “someday when we’re married” etc. and I don’t doubt he really meant it in the moment. But, as seems pretty typical, I get the feeling that his “someday” really means “after you’ve dated me for 5-6 years and we’re both 31.” I don’t want to wait that long. [more inside]
After months of trying to make a relationship work (and scouring previous AskMes for situations similar to mine), I have started that all-important no contact phase. But what to do on Valentine’s Day? Truth be told, this holiday has always been a disappointment but I feel that given my current situation, the usual feeling of dread I’ve associated with it will escalate to a full-blown breakdown. It’s hard enough to prevent myself from weeping at the barrage of flowers and displays of affection and celebrations I have to witness/participate in as friends and colleagues get married or engaged one after the other. I do not begrudge anybody’s happiness, but seeing other people happily in love feels just a tad self-torturous at this time. I know that I canNOT stay at home on February 14 as that could only mean a day of self-pity and wallowing in my sadness. However, I also do not fancy finding myself in restaurants, the theater, museums, etc. surrounded by couples celebrating the day. Again, I normally take delight in seeing people in love but I’d like to take a wee break from all that. So what could I do in or around NYC in lieu of both scenarios?
I'm in my early 50s and divorced for three years. For the last two years, I have been dating (but not living with) a man who is long-term separated from his wife who lives in a different country. This is an open relationship, not an affair. She is aware of me, and knows we are together. I have met her several times (we get on well) and I am introduced to the family as "Dad's good friend". He has two children, one at University and the other (16) lives with his Mom. During his last trip home, his 16 year old begged him to return home. My partner will likely do so. I know I can't play a part in this decision, but how do I take care of myself now? [more inside]
If you are someone who is or has been good friends with an ex-partner, how does that happen and what does it look like? What do you think are the necessary conditions for this to happen? How do you navigate feelings and boundaries? What are timelines like (ie is there a cooling off period involved)? Do you get jealous of their new partners? Thanks in advance. [more inside]
Months ago, I broke up with someone I was with for 7 years, under very sad no-one's-fault circumstances. I still love him and miss him like crazy. The sadness comes and goes. I think about him every day. I'd like to draw a line and move on and think it would help it I can decisively mark The End on that chapter of my life. I'm looking for ideas for how to make that mark. Some kind of ritual or ceremony. [more inside]
If you were cheated on in an ugly way, would you want to know that the guy's next relationship (with the person he cheated on you with) also ended up in him cheating on her? Would it give you closure? [more inside]