785 posts tagged with breakup.
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Rebound or closure sex or...? Help me identify it

I find it difficult to break up with someone, so there's often a phase where I try to be 'platonic friends' but we go back to normal and then I try to break up again and repeat and repeat. At this point, the relationship is pretty bad for both me and the ex as we fight a lot but I simply cannot get over my feelings for the ex (is this codependency?). [more inside]
posted by thesockpuppet on Jan 10, 2017 - 11 answers

Partner hit rock bottom and I can't deal - what to do?

My partner recently told me that they spent a small fortune on drugs while I was away in order to cope with severe depression. I broke up with them because I couldn't deal and I need clarity on what to do next. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 1, 2017 - 21 answers

So my life has come to this...

Probably dumb post-breakup question: Is it a terrible idea to contact someone I dated before my ex to ask them if they'd be willing to hug me while we watch documentaries about space? [more inside]
posted by Chrysalis on Dec 23, 2016 - 17 answers

Divorced alumni of Metafilter: help a freshman out

Finally I am really, truly going through with divorcing my husband after about a year and a half of delay and repeatedly destroyed optimism. The legal and logistical problems are getting figured out. I'm asking more for emotional coping mechanisms and whatever other wisdom you post-divorce Mefites have to share. [more inside]
posted by a strong female character on Dec 20, 2016 - 29 answers

I'm still not sure if she is the one. Is that ok?

To elaborate a little more - I've been 2 years in a relationship. We are engaged and are looking to get married later next year but I have some hesitations. I cannot tell if these hesitations are warranted or if its steming from my fear of commitement or both. [more inside]
posted by red47Apple on Dec 18, 2016 - 19 answers

Practical suggestions for getting back to feeling good

What are some nice things I can do for myself to get back to feeling good? [more inside]
posted by Chrysalis on Dec 13, 2016 - 18 answers

Separation limbo!

This was me. We've living apart, not really communicating, and still married. Now what? [more inside]
posted by blackcatcuriouser on Nov 30, 2016 - 17 answers

Dating Filter: Something feels off

I've been dating someone long distance for a few months and have noticed a sudden shift in our conversations the last two weeks. He is still in contact daily but has subtly become less affectionate. I feel like he is no longer emotionally invested and I don't want to continue. How do I extricate myself gracefully from an undefined relationship? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 30, 2016 - 10 answers

Help me remember the name of this break up related country love song

I heard it on country radio some time between 2008 and 2011, I think it was on a lot back then. It's sung by a man in first person, about reluctantly going on a date despite still being depressed about a past breakup, and having his world brought back to life by the new woman during the course of the evening. [more inside]
posted by BeaverTerror on Nov 18, 2016 - 5 answers

New relationship after traumatizing one -- How To Do It?

When you enter a new relationship with a secure person after one that has traumatized you, how do you separate the anxiety triggered by trauma from legitimate ones about the new relationship? [more inside]
posted by minoraltercation on Nov 5, 2016 - 9 answers

How do I pick myself up during the worst year of my life?

I have lost everything this past year. How do I move forward? [more inside]
posted by ladykitty5 on Oct 27, 2016 - 35 answers

I don't want to rip off the band-aid... Without your input

I think breaking up is probably a good decision, but I think this is something we should discuss. But I'm not sure how to have this conversation. [more inside]
posted by Urban Winter on Oct 20, 2016 - 12 answers

Alone again, naturally - help me cope with a fresh breakup

After my recent question about a long distance relationship going awry, it has ended. He broke up with me and I didn't try to stop it. I know it was the right thing, and break ups are never easy, but I'm finding it really hard to cope. Please help me find some hope in all of this. [more inside]
posted by wreckofthehesperus on Oct 14, 2016 - 15 answers

Floating in relationship limbo

Do we try to take a break, even though we live together? We get along so well as friends, and spend time together, but he's basically stopped being affectionate and said he's not sure if he loves me romantically anymore? How do we move forward? [more inside]
posted by LonelyOnes on Oct 3, 2016 - 9 answers

Help me break up!

The last year, I've been living with with a difficult man whom I love dearly. He is much older than me and we have a large number of areas of emotional difficulty. I've given it a chance for a year because of my love for him and understanding and respect for what he is given all the trauma he's gone though. But I realise this is more emotionally stressful than I can handle, and besides, it is quite likely I will want children while he doesn't, so it's time to split up. NOW is the time because he's abroad for two months and I have time to process the decision and move out of our home as (or before) he returns. I need break-up advice! [more inside]
posted by miaow on Oct 2, 2016 - 11 answers

¿Yo me enfrío o lo sufro?

I'm in a wonderful, loving relationship but I can't seem to stop feeling pessimistic about what our future together would look like. I'm not sure whether to stay or go and need help thinking through how to go about doing either. [more inside]
posted by deus ex machina on Sep 24, 2016 - 17 answers

Is it silly to wait around for love?

You see it in the movies, two lovers split but somehow run into each other and fall in love again and are able to be together. It seems silly, but I've fallen in love and I'm not sure if it's a stupid idea to wait around for something like the movies. [more inside]
posted by buttonedup on Sep 20, 2016 - 27 answers

Boundary Setting After Being Friend-Dumped due to His Unrequited Feels

My now ex-friend, a friend of ten years, close friend for seven, and best friend for one, broke up with me as my best friend and friend after it became clear that I wasn't going to date him. How do I set and enforce good boundaries to keep it from backsliding into the same nonsense drama (or new drama) when we share so many spaces, including living space? [more inside]
posted by Mouse on Mercury on Sep 10, 2016 - 29 answers

Friends with an ex's BFF?

BFF of a no-contact ex reached out to me and apparently wants to be friendly. I'm wary. Should I be? [more inside]
posted by wildblueyonder on Sep 9, 2016 - 19 answers

The horse of contempt vs the pony of stability

I'm living with my partner, and the relationship is probably emotionally over...but I can't move out due to Reasons. I'll try to keep it short as possible below (oops, I didn't, it's wayyy too long), but I'm looking for both practical and emotional solutions or advice. It's a should I stay or should I go question, but of course there's always particulars. [more inside]
posted by zinful on Sep 7, 2016 - 35 answers

Should I reach out to my ex now?

My ex-boyfriend and I (a woman) were together for the better part of a decade, starting in our mid 20s. We both thought that we would be partners for life. But in the first few weeks of this year, after several months of conversation about our life goals, I decided to break up with him, because we had grown to have different goals re: marriage & children (I want both; he wanted neither). I do not want the relationship back, but I would like for us to stay in touch. Is now an okay time to reach out? Please read the rest. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 5, 2016 - 24 answers

How to stop guilt about putting your self first

What helped you stop fearing that you're a bad person for putting your needs before others wants, when those people were really suffering? (Context: relatiobships) [more inside]
posted by Chrysalis on Aug 31, 2016 - 17 answers

Help a friend manage old facebook posts after a breakup

My friend just had a breakup and wants to know if there is an app to manage Facebook posts to help her wipe the boyfriend material without having to review all of it.
posted by bleary on Aug 31, 2016 - 2 answers

How to prevent attachment to a casual fling?

For my first outside-of-my-first-relationship relationship (or whatever you would call it, there's no titles for anything anymore), I am very confused how to do this successfully and without getting hurt. Please help me understand how to navigate a casual relationship without hurting myself. Slight snowflakes inside. [more inside]
posted by socky bottoms on Jul 25, 2016 - 25 answers

How to get over shame from post-breakup behavior?

A month ago my ex ended our fairly toxic intense four month relationship (we discussed marriage, babies, met one another's families, etc). Host of reasons contributed to the demise including his (functional) alcoholism, my perceived neediness, his total lack of interest in my life (past or current)...in the end I felt like a trophy GF that he could parade around his friends just to show everyone he is capable of having a GF. Oh, and he didn't tell me about a STD until after we had sex the first time. [more inside]
posted by Jaspersen145 on Jul 18, 2016 - 14 answers

Do I squash the seed of leaving or just let it grow?

I've been thinking a lot about my relationship. Maybe it was a mistake asking a question before, but now I can't stop thinking and debating, feeling guilty and exhausted about my relationship. Please advise for hopefully the last time I bring this up. The snowflakes are falling inside and it's a long post, sorry. [more inside]
posted by socky bottoms on Jun 30, 2016 - 35 answers

How to avoid invoking cruelty and remain friends, post breakup

I don't like being in relationships, but I enjoy being friends with my exes. I always ask to be friends instead. However, almost all of them have lashed out cruelly either during the breakup or post-breakup. How do I stop causing this behavior? [more inside]
posted by kinoeye on Jun 9, 2016 - 39 answers

how to handle ending an engagement when we love each other.

It's becoming increasingly evident that my fiance and I need to break our engagement and part ways. This whole thing has been fraught from the start, but I am so, so, so, so, so sad and I don't know how to manage this. I feel like I am melting. If you have broken an engagement, can you give me tips/advice/helpful stories? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 3, 2016 - 14 answers

Should I break up with him?

So, me and my boyfriend have been together for over a year and a half. Met online shortly after I got out of a 5 year relationship. It has been an interesting relationship. I've had really good times along with bad and doubts throughout. I feel like I am bad at relationships; I don't really have standards for boyfriends or something, I don't know what my problem is, and if anyone can point it out to me it might help me... [more inside]
posted by anon1129 on May 31, 2016 - 36 answers

Help me end my long term relationship … or help me fix it?

My LTR has a lot going for it but I don't think the good outweighs the bad and I am trying to end it as painlessly as possible. Not sure how to proceed. (It is a blizzard in there, sorry.) [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 17, 2016 - 41 answers

Sticky Wicket

You are close friends with a couple (Tom and Tina). Tina shares the news with you that she and Tom broke up two weeks ago, they are both devastated and not ready to tell the larger friend group, and they have gone no-contact. Do you reach out to Tom, and if so, how and when? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 17, 2016 - 18 answers

Help me understand the end of my relationship with a trauma survivor

I'm still trying to make sense of how a man with PTSD/trauma survivor I dated broke things off with me. Looking for insights and resources about the psychology of someone who has gone through hell and come out the other side and how that affects their ability to have a relationship. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 7, 2016 - 24 answers

I will survive

He broke up with me. I'm not bitter, but I am in pain. I'm looking for fiction or non-fiction books about starting again from nothing. I have When Things Fall Apart and I've ordered a used copy of Eat, Pray, Love. What else can I read that will help me get to the other side of this?
posted by anonymous on May 4, 2016 - 19 answers

Clarifying a breakup over email- good or bad idea?

I broke up with my boyfriend of two years two days ago (on Skype, since it was a long distance relationship). I'm horrible at expressing my thoughts and emotions in person/by voice, especially when I'm upset, so the Skype breakup involved a lot of crying and me not being able to answer his questions properly. It was really horrible and I feel terrible. My question is, now that I've had a couple days to calm down and think more clearly--would it be okay to send him a single email that more coherently says everything that I want to say, but didn't get to say? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 4, 2016 - 22 answers

Getting her back from the dead presidents

Looking for songs where the girl (or boy) is telling the boy or girl who left them - even though the two had found true love - for an opportunity to be financially or societally secure - to come back to their relationship and to real love.
posted by jitterbug perfume on Apr 30, 2016 - 15 answers

Should I just cut the damn bait already?

I really like this guy, but I'm not sure if I'm seeing red flags where there aren't any or if I'm totally the rebound. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 27, 2016 - 27 answers

Have I made a mistake?

I broke up with my first real long term boyfriend about a month ago, but it was dragged out for a few weeks so only unofficially ended with no contact a few days ago. [more inside]
posted by izz97 on Apr 26, 2016 - 9 answers

Flowers AFTER Breakup?

My GF's 17YO daughter is experiencing her first real breakup. She's devastated. As her mom's BF for the last many years, would flowers be an appropriate way for me to express my sadness for her situation? Color?
posted by bricksNmortar on Apr 24, 2016 - 31 answers

Was my ex a narcissist?

I just emerged from a relationship of several months which I have since realized was emotionally abusive. In attempting to understand it I have come to think that maybe she had NPD, but I don't know whether this is an accurate characterization. [more inside]
posted by myitkyina on Apr 4, 2016 - 25 answers

How to break down the pedestal you created?

What's a great sentiment that someone shared with you or that you discovered on your own that really helped you break away from framing your thoughts around a relationship that ended? What helped bring your ex off the pedestal? [more inside]
posted by modernman on Mar 25, 2016 - 19 answers

How do I stop living with anger about being rejected?

How do I deal with the constant pang of rejection? Her image is in my head all day long, every day. It's been almost 2 months since the breakup. The breakup was for the best and I have been keeping myself really busy otherwise, reconnecting with myself. I am not contacting her. [more inside]
posted by pixelsnbits on Mar 15, 2016 - 26 answers

How do I get over this friend breakup?

I've been dumped. I have no idea how to handle it. Bonus difficulty: I am a late-40s woman and the dumper is/was my best friend of many years. I'm in a state of confusion and sadness. I live a life that never, ever has this level of personal drama, so while the rest of you have been asking these questions here, I've been whistling along, thinking it doesn't relate to me. Now it does. Help. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 11, 2016 - 22 answers

Just broke up: How to ride the sorrow?

Just broke up with my wonderful boyfriend using Miko's justly famous script. Now what? [more inside]
posted by Bella Donna on Mar 6, 2016 - 9 answers

Coming to terms with a messy breakup

This relationship destroyed me. I feel that, after having given a lot, I was led on. But now I don't know whether I was wrong to feel this way... [more inside]
posted by myitkyina on Mar 6, 2016 - 24 answers

Are we self-sabotaging or is it the right thing?

My girlfriend of 4 years and I have recently started having some very matter of fact conversations about our relationship. We're each sort of wondering if it's got 'too serious' for this point in our lives. Put briefly, does this make any sense? Or are we just sabotaging something that's otherwise fine? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 22, 2016 - 12 answers

Friendship right after a break-up?

Hi everyone, I recently broke up with a guy (met online) I dated for 4 months. We were never officially bf/gf and we never slept together. Our dates felt platonic because we never went past 2nd base. It was a mutual breakup because we both wanted different things. I wanted a committed relationship and he wasn't ready for that. When we broke up about a week ago, he said he'd like to be friends and I told him I didn't want that. I feel like I'm in a clear mindset now and I realize things ended for the right reasons but I still enjoy his company and we got along great. Is it too soon for me to suggest that we be friends and continue to hang out platonically?
posted by missybitsy on Feb 18, 2016 - 8 answers

break-up the breakdown

Give me your tips on getting through the acute part of a break-up. [more inside]
posted by quadrilaterals on Feb 18, 2016 - 30 answers

Help dealing with a dying NT-Aspie relationship

In short, I am trying to help myself accept that I have to end my relationship with my boyfriend. Although he has never been diagnosed, I'm fairly certain that he has Asperger's (whereas I'm NT), and our inability to communicate with one another is taking a toll on my mental health. He is full of love and respect for me but has done things that hurt me and our relationship so badly, that I feel that I cannot recover at this point. Please help me find the strength and resources to get through this. [more inside]
posted by NeverGrowSoOldAgain on Feb 17, 2016 - 41 answers

Preserving the stability I've worked so hard to achieve

After being diagnosed with bipolar II, my partner and I accidentally built my coping strategies around my total emotional reliance on him. Now that I have my career on track and have moved into what was to be "our home," I feel my stability at risk as it truly sinks in that he is exiting the relationship, but wants to remain as friends and a support system. How can I process this grief without compromising my stability? [more inside]
posted by asmith30 on Feb 17, 2016 - 19 answers

How to stop dating after a couple dates?

I'm 32, date women and men, and am just getting back into dating. After two-three dates, what's the polite way to let someone know that you're not interested in dating further (because of lack of chemistry or whatever)? Does it change based on how naked you got with them? These are mostly internet dates where we text a little, don't talk on the phone, and don't see one another outside dating.
posted by anonymous on Feb 16, 2016 - 27 answers

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