Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with boys

He's not refusing to be a man. What to do, what to do.

ellehumour — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 18:32:30 -0800

difficult gift shopping filter: Help me find books, toys, comics, music, etc that provide a broad, varying, and largely non-traditional view of masculinity for my little brother, who is absolutely nothing like me or anyone else in our family. More details than necessary inside! My twelve-year-old brother is the only boy in his immediate family. He has two sisters, two mothers, two former foster-mothers who are still part of his life, a biological grandmother, and an occasionally-present-but-mostly-absent biological mother. Bio-dad is not in the picture; adoptive uncles are in the American midwest, thousands of miles away and across a border. As far as friends and non-family-influences go, he lives in a very small town which some might classify as "hick" - if it's anything like how it was when I was growing up there (many years ago now - there is an eleven-year age gap between me and my brother), the vast majority of his peers are the children of dyed-in-the-wool rednecks, and well on the way to becoming dyed-in-the-wool rednecks themselves.

All the women in his life are very strong feminists, which is great in that (unlike his redneck-to-be peers) he respects women, but not so great in that he doesn't really have a lot of male role models to look up to, and as such, he tends to latch on to popular representations of masculinity and emulate them with great zeal.

He plays soccer, football, and hockey. He's in the boy scouts. He wants to join the military when he grows up. He's very nationalistic. He eats meat (I was raised vegetarian in that same household). I thought I had become the black sheep of the family by eschewing university to become an activist and artist, but this kid has me beat for that position by going in the exact opposite direction.

I'm not super-concerned - my mother, while supportive of his interests, is terrified that he'll get hurt playing violent sports and/or turn into some kind of adolescent fascist, but I figure it's probably just a phase, as he tries to figure out what his identity is as a guy in a very female-oriented environment. Nevertheless, in doing my (early-ass, I know) Christmas shopping, it occurred to me that it might help to present him with some alternate expressions and interpretations of masculinity - feminine boys, pacifist boys, queer boys, disabled boys, boys opposed to sexism, racism, etc as, well, boys. Boys who don't act like the boys and men on TV and in most mainstream comic books and novels. Men who take the expression of their masculinity beyond that of your average mainstream rock band.

Twelve years old is too young for Propagandhi's Less Talk, More Rock and too old for children's books with simple messages like Free To Be You And Me. As a kid, I systematically sought out and (figuratively) devoured books, movies and comics that featured heroines who were strong, firm in their convictions, capable, and cast off traditional womens' roles - what are some similar works of fiction, but for boys? Where is the Le Tigre of the adolescent boys' world? Where is the sequel to The Practical Princess - a book called The Prince Who Was Secure in His Masculinity, Comfortable With His Sexuality, And Empowered His Subjects By Treating Them All With Dignity?

Show me the way, Hive Mind. Help me help a twelve year old boy in a small town help himself.

Apologies if this ran a bit long. I am pedantic.

interpretation

femmme — Sun, 11 Oct 2009 10:37:34 -0800

What does a guy mean after he tries to have sex but it doesn't happen? after the visit and we held hands and were tight and sweet I wanted to know him more but not jump into anything so I sort of laid it out through text( because thats a stupid thing I do) So, I did and here is what I got, this is a bunch of texyts melted together:

About us I'm wanting to take it slow cause I just don't really have room for something committed now and didn't want to have serious feelings thrown around.In the past I took sex too lightly and it's gotten me in drama so I didn't want to start something that I don't think I could be in fully. Wouldn't be fair to both of us and I would just end up pissing you off
Yeah i wanna chill def. I just said that cause of the past few text ya kno. And I kno that I'm not where I want to be but i'm doing my thing and reaching goals. Yeah I'm down for the shows. That's all I want to do is chill with good frnds. And I don't think I'm miss reading anything I got a good grasp on things and know where you're coming from. Respect
My friend says hes just being honest before going forward, my other friend says its a kiss off but he still calls.

Saddling Him With My Baggage

Anonymous — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 10:27:44 -0800

Parenting techniques, insight, and maturity needed before I completely ruin my kid's life. I have a nine-year-old son that causes me great anxiety at times. I know it is not rational to feel this way. He is a healthy, intelligent, nice kid. He does very well academically. He is self-motivated. He can be very shy at times. He has a competitive streak. He enjoys getting good grades and doing well. Sometimes he believes he can't do things when I'm confident he can. His confidence suffers at times. He has friends and functions fine socially. I have been told numerous times that he is "goodhearted", "strong", "athletic", "fair", "calm", and "kind" by teachers and friends. His second-grade teacher called him "my absentminded professor". He is fairly athletic and participates in sports and other extra-curricular activities. He can do almost anything you ask him to do.

At times he has behaviors that annoy me and cause me great anxiety. Not your everyday kid things like leaving the refrigerator open or peeing on the toilet seat. The anxiety happens when he runs a certain way, or talks like a baby, or throws a certain way, or sits on my lap when we have company, or does anything that I deem "strange", "feminine", "babyish", or "annoying".

Even though he is very smart he is an airhead. I hate to label him this way and I would never call him an airhead to his face. It seems he is always daydreaming, spacey, and forgetful. I was the same way as a kid and I don't want to hold it against him but it still drives me crazy. An example: Sometimes I lash out when he is spacing out in the bathtub or shower and doing nothing but playing with himself and staring at the ceiling. I'll raise my voice and yell his name a few times and shout, "Get to work!" Sometimes I'll begin washing him and shampooing his hair and pull him out of the tub, throw the towel around him and bark more orders. I lose my patience quickly with him when he is acting spacey. It leaves me feeling like a terrible parent and does nothing to build our relationship, instill confidence, or bring harmony. Sometimes I have great anxiety when he is on the field playing various team sports. Sometimes when he is playing with friends I'll eavesdrop. There is one neighborhood boy that is always touching, hugging, and hanging on my kid and it causes me anxiety.

I have another younger son that does not annoy me. He can space out in the bathtub or throw the ball poorly but I don't seem to get that anxious feeling. He does do better when prompted and seems more "with it". He is also more "masculine" than the bigger kid. I hate myself for thinking this way and scrutinizing masculine vs. feminine behaviors. I know it is wrong, childish, and even hateful on so many levels. My spouse thinks I'm crazy when I brooch the subject and always says, "He's fine. Leave him alone. Give him a chance to succeed."

I compare him to other boys his age and always seem to think other boys his age are more "boyish" or "masculine".

I don't want to sound like I am constantly berating my kid. Mostly, I have the thoughts and fears and refrain from acting out on them. There are times when I do act on the anxiety and I know I am crushing his confidence and causing a lot of heartache on both ends. I wish I were one of those very confident parents that accept their children for who they are. I do accept him most of the time and I do love him dearly but I still have these fears that he is not behaving the way a nine-year-old should and I freak out.

I should note that I can go for weeks, even months, feeling fine and anxiety-free. I only seem to have anxiety about my kids. I have a pretty awesome, low-stress life, and if you want to call this a problem, this is the only one I have. The anxiety comes and goes (the beginning of a new sports season for instance) and I begin focusing on his behavior. When he was younger I had no such thoughts or problems with him. I have been in therapy in the past and I do constructive things to control my anxiety levels (exercise, yoga, meditation, friends, hobbies, etc.) I know my behavior and thoughts are wrong and destructive.

This is deeply embarrassing for me to ask. I feel like I should be more evolved and wise. I am not a monster. I desperately want to calm down and accept him for who he is, be proud of him (I am proud of him), and help build his confidence instead of crushing it.

Why am I acting like this? Why am I so frustrated? Am I afraid that my child might be gay? Do I feel like his behavior is a reflection on my parenting? Maybe. How can I stop or channel this anxiety in a more productive way and let him be and accept him for who he is? Any advice, anecdotes, or wisdom appreciated.

How To Raise Two Boys That Aren't Jerks

Anonymous — Sun, 16 Aug 2009 11:57:50 -0800

We're going to have a second boy. Help us get rational about it. My wife and I have a 4-year-old son, who we adore. He is well-behaved, has excellent manners, is intellectually and physically curious, and displays little or none of the general thuggery and aggression displayed by his male classmates and friends.

We just discovered that our second child, due in late December, is also going to be a boy. This is, barring acts of God or extreme improbability, going to be our last child, so we're going to be raising two boys.

For various reasons, this is something of a nightmare scenario for my wife and I. Without exception, the families that we know with either two boys or all boys display a really horrifying (to us) level of inter-kid aggression, maladjustment, misbehavior, randomized thuggery towards each other (and sometimes others), and generally shitty manners and public behavior.

We want to raise two good boys into good men. We realize that some degree of competition is going to occur between siblings, and that there's always going to be friction between kids, but we are terrified that through some alchemical process that happens when you have two boys in the same household, our wonderful boy and his nascent brother are going to turn into, well, assholes.

We want anecdata to counter our own experience: please tell us all the stories you have (nonfiction, please) of families with two boys or more where the boys turned out to be well-adjusted, mutually supportive and secure non-thugs. Additional advice from people who've been there and done that on how to deal with issues specific to two boys is also welcome.

Do I move my kids from their dad?

dzaz — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 04:21:51 -0800

Would my three kids (17, 15, 10) be happier if we left the same town their dad lives in? I can't figure out if I'm allowing prolonged damage to my kids by letting them stay here because their dad is down the road but NEVER wants to see them. And where he lives bothers them (more later). Despite typical visitation rights, he hasn't had them for a sleepover or vacation for over 3 years; he instead takes them out for pizza once a week. He has missed birthdays, Christmas, baseball games, just in general he doesn't participate in their lives.

But it's WHERE he lives that is causing them a lot of pain: Immediately after he moved out, we discovered that he moved in with our daughter's best friend's mom and her 2 kids (same ages as 2 of my kids). He has promised my kids that they'll never marry (which to some extent confuses them...why is he living with a divorced mom and her teenage daughters without getting married...).

So he lives literally down the road with another family. My kids have been invited over once in 3 years: a birthday party for dad and our 17 year old's joint birthdays; there was one cake and had only Dad's name on it. It sucked.

What's also odd is his attitude to me demonstrated in front of the kids. When he comes to pick them up, he either texts or honks but rarely gets out of the car. If he has to come in (my son wants to show him his drum kit, for example), he completely ignores me.

What makes it especially weird for my 2 eldest daughters is that because it's a small town and because of Facebook postings, they know everything their dad is doing (he went to Florida with them for Christmas, took the eldest on a college tour, etc.). But their dad shows no interest in seeing them other than weekly pizza (and he often cancels that).

How ultimately damaging is this for kids to have an uninterested dad who shows more interest in his new family?

The last complicating factor is my third child, a 10 year old boy who was diagnosed with OCD years ago. My son will try to reach out to his dad to hang out and perhaps once in 10 times his dad will say yes, so they'll go out for about 1/2 hour. Otherwise, it's these phone messages that break my heart begging his dad to call him back or even worse, him trying to leave a chipper message to hang out if dad has no other plans.

So should I just get the heck out of here? How much damage am I allowing by letting my kids continue to grow up in the town of their birth, where all their friends are (and we have a house, I have a solid job and excellent schools), but with a completely uninterested father?

What else could I do? I've been trying for years to very politely suggest he spend more time with the kids but he just doesn't. The kids will say, "Well, that's just how Dad is..." and the older ones don't contact him at all. Am I overworried?

I spoke with my divorce lawyer about getting full custody and she said while he's in contempt of the court order for visitation, unless I can prove abuse/negligence, I won't get it.

How do I help my kids? I got them away from living in the same house as their dad, but his negative influence lingers.

All replies are welcome.

Where Can I Find These Vocal Harmonies?

goalyeehah — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 12:18:20 -0800

Is it possible to find sheet music for background vocals of a 40 yo cover of a classic tune? The Beach Boys did a cover of Leadbelly's "Cotton Field's Back Home" in 1969 on their "20/20" album. The single version has more emphasis on background vocal harmonies that I find amazing in both complexity and spirit. I'd actually like to get a group together to sing this and am wondering where I can find the written version of this recording with both lead and background vocals.

Vrooom!

easy_being_green — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 21:52:41 -0800

Why do little boys love trucks? I know a two-year-old who sometimes forgets my name (after I've been babysitting him once a week for six months) but can identify any construction vehicle. I once babysat for an 18-month-old who loved the Pixar movie Cars to the point where he cried if I turned it off. I know not all boys love trucks. I know there are probably a great deal of little girls who love trucks (though I have yet to meet any). I know that some people continue to love trucks into adulthood. But what's the appeal of cars and trucks to so many young kids? I don't get it.

Story Time

chuckdarwin — Wed, 26 Nov 2008 09:12:25 -0800

Books for a Young Gamer: My (American) nephew is eight years old, and I want to buy him a book/some books for Christmas. He's *really* into gaming, but I would to find a book which will entice him away from the machine. He doesn't like reading, but he's a very bright kid. I need sure-fire suggestions, even graphic novels. ANYTHING that will get his eyes on some paper. My original thought was The Dangerous Book for Boys, but I don't know if it's going to grab his attention enough. I havent' seen him in over a year, so I don't know what his reading level is like. About average for his age, I guess. Help!

Yeah, bwee-ayyy!

unSane — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 14:15:27 -0800

Does anyone know - or care to guess at - the origin of the phrase "Yeah, bwee-aayyy!" uttered by teenagers like me in 1970s Northern England to express complete disbelief at a huge lie told by someone else? So, North Notts/South Yorks, around 1975. Your friend just told you he shagged Doreen Knickerelastic. the cutest girl in town. This is obviously a lie. You stroke your invisible beard and say "Yeah, bwee-aayyy"... a riposte to which there is no come back whatsoever.

What on earth is the origin of this? Does anyone else remember it? Or was it confined to boys at the King Edward VI Grammar School, Retford?

(I always thought it sounded French, like 'Bouillée", but I guess it could also have a hint of Jamaican "bwoy").

No means no

Phire — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 17:23:06 -0800

How to nicely but firmly tell someone I am completely and totally uninterested romantically and at this point, pretty averse to friendship, too? Through pure coincidence, I met a guy at work who works in a different section of the building but for the same overall organization. Initially, we emailed each other a lot - we're both summer students, Outlook is pretty much the only entertainment available to us when it's a slow day. I got a bit wary when it got a bit too obvious even to my dense mind that he was flirting, so I looked him up on - what else - Facebook. He has a girlfriend. Good! I thought, he's just one of those people who're naturally flirty. Now I can make another friend without worrying about weird signals. At this point I had already mentioned my boyfriend several times. I figure I'm in the clear.

Anyway. Long story short, we ended up going to see a movie together (my initiative, after I told him that both my boyfriend and my best friend bailed on me for that day), grabbed a bite to eat, chatted a bit more in earnest. I mention the boyfriend again - yes, I'm pretty paranoid by this point - so he asks me the standard question about him (2.5 years, living together with other housemates, etc).

"Oh, that's nice. Yeah, I've got this girlfriend... but I don't really like her, and I'm thinking of breaking up with her soon."

Great....!

What follows are flimsy excuses to take the same bus as me home, texting me to say he had a great time, trying to get me to go have dinner with him some time, inviting me to hang out several times over the past two week, boasting about his amazing baking and how he needs to bring me something, and drunk texting over the weekend. I've ignored the texts if I could do so without feeling like a major bitch (e.g. if the texts were fairly innocuous), I've turned down all invitations to hang out with "yeah, no, plans with the boyfriend/second job/parents" type deals, I turned the dinner into a lunch at work and had the boyfriend come along, etc.

And so it goes on. Now for all I know he's not interested in me romantically, either, and this is all in my egotistical head. But my paranoia and general dislike of his occasionally arrogant personality mean that I'm really not interested in hanging out with him. Or talking to him, really, though I wouldn't mind talking to him if only for the sake of not burning bridges and networking and all that.

I think I've been pretty damn that I'm not interested in furthering the 'friendship'. How can I get him to back off short of openly saying "Hey, buddy, sorry but I don't really want to hang out outside of work."? Normally I'm okay with confrontations, but in this case it can be argued that he hasn't really done anything wrong and thus this sort of statement is uncalled for?

Furthermore, I'm 19, he's 22. I don't exactly think that sort of statement goes over well with my demographic.

Activities for bored boys?

kerfuffled — Tue, 27 May 2008 10:42:56 -0800

What are some good things to do with one or two pre-teen boys? Besides play video games? I spend every other Sunday with my boyfriend's ten-year-old son and/or his twelve-year-old nephew, and I would like to do things with them that they would enjoy, but their only interests are pokemon and video games.

I have four younger sisters and I'm very good at playing dolls and dress-up and crafts and other girly things, but I am lost when it comes to boys, especially boys who seem perpetually bored without a tv/computer screen in front of them (they both complained about being bored during a two minute walk to the park!). What are some good activities to do with them or encourage them to do themselves?

What is the name of this book?

bluekrauss — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 10:10:59 -0800

Because this question just doesn't get asked enough: please help me remember this book I enjoyed as a child in the early 1970s. In it, 3 boys are at the beach. They find at least one (maybe more) message in a bottle, and I think the message is in some sort of code. I thought the title was "Three By The Sea" but I checked Amazon.com and the book they have with that title is definitely NOT the book I'm thinking of. Anyone?

Should I ask her out?

Anonymous — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 13:02:12 -0800

Relationship filter: So I am a freshmen in college and I really want to ask this girl out on a date, but I think there could be some issues with our lifestyles. She is a party all night long sleep all day kinda person and I am a more party for a while with friends then go relax at home. more inside. I am fairly certain she is an alcoholic and I don't drink very often. Thats not to say I don't enjoy drunk people. Most of the people I work with get drunk after work while we are hanging out. She has told me she likes to get drunk every single night. I'm sure I would to if I didn't have the huge class load that come from civil engineering. Other than the whole drinking thing we get along extremely well. We alway talk about things that make other people uncomfortable without even flinching and I think she might have been sending a few signals that she might like me too. So oh great hive mind of metafilter, please help me. should I ask her out or are we just too different?

private email if you so choose: anon4mefi@gmail.com

Is this crush turning me into an asshole?

Anonymous — Sun, 23 Dec 2007 08:21:41 -0800

I am infatuated with someone, and confused as to how to proceed. I met someone at a party the other night, and developed a pretty overwhelming crush on her. Overwhelming enough that I would dramatically rearrange my life for the sake of a relationship with her. She was quite clearly ensconced, though, so I decided to drop it (not very effectively, I suppose, or I wouldn't be thinking this way.) But then I heard from a friend who stayed at the party after I left that her and her apparent boyfriend both appeared to be scoping out other people for the rest of the night.

One way to cut through this uncertainty would be to befriend them and get a clearer picture of where she is. But her boyfriend pretty clearly didn't like me much, so that will be awkward. A further complication is that I didn't get her contact info, but she did tell me the Buddhist center she attends. I'm Buddhist, too, and there's a talk at the center soon which I would be mildly interested in attending, so there is a somewhat awkward pretext for probably meeting her again. But this seems like border-line stalking. If I do try to befriend them, my actual motive is probably going to be clear to them.

The level-headed answer here is to wait for some less complicated opportunity to arise. But I haven't experienced this kind of infatuation for almost 12 years. Generally, my relationships have evolved from my observing "This person wants me. This could be good for us," and frankly have been fairly tepid on my side and have never ended well. This time I don't just think it would be good intellectually. I want this to an extent which is pretty rare for me.

Let's say she is at least potentially happily ensconced, and I am too clumsy to sound things out without them apprehending my feelings. Unless they have some kind of poly thing going, the behavior my friend observed suggests they're in trouble. If I pursued this by attempting to befriend them is there a substantial risk that I would harm there relationship further? Or if you think I will be making some other kind of asshole of myself by pursuing this, I would be interested in hearing about that, too.

This plate of beans has been overthought for you by still.adolescent.at.35@gmail.com.

Manga for pre-teens/early teens?

davetill — Tue, 13 Nov 2007 18:31:48 -0800

Can anyone recommend any good manga series for 12 to 14-year-old boys? No nudity or adult themes, please!

They've read the iD_eNTITY series, and someone has suggested Death Note, if those are useful guidelines.

I know absolutely nothing about manga, and would really appreciate the help.

Reasonably-priced jeans for VERY skinny guys?

amyms — Tue, 16 Oct 2007 21:44:33 -0800

What stores (in the U.S.) carry reasonably-priced jeans for VERY skinny guys? My son just turned 15 and is in the middle of a growth-spurt (but it's all height, not weight). He looks like a concentration camp survivor, but he's very healthy and energetic. All of his jeans are too short and we're having a very difficult time finding anything in his size. Two salesgirls at the mall helped him figure out his exact size: 29 waist and 34 length/inseam (which, alas, their store didn't carry). So far we've struck out at Sears, JC Penney, Old Navy, Walmart and Target. We found a few styles in that size at the higher-end stores, but they're really out of our price range for something he's likely to outgrow in another couple of months. Most stores carry plenty of styles for skinny girls, but not so much for skinny guys. He likes cargo-style jeans and khakis, and I'd like to find them for under $30 a pair (preferably not online, because he's very concerned about making sure things feel okay and wants to "try before we buy").

What are some new toys or games that children are asking for?

JDC8 — Sat, 08 Sep 2007 08:50:06 -0800

What's on the kids birthday lists this year? Parents, please help me get up to date on popular new children's toys and games. I'm helping a charity group edit their holiday gift wish list; they compile a list of toys and games that is sent out to the agencies that they serve. Kids pick items off the list.

I need information on new or newly popular characters, toys and games for boys and girls from 4 to 14. The other condition is that the gifts must be between $20 and $30 and available at a major retailer like Target, Wal-Mart or Toys R Us.

Nintendo Wii and Teens

Mrs. Smith — Wed, 01 Nov 2006 05:14:23 -0800

I have a compound question...part one is about the safe-guards of the Nintendo Wii and the other is about how to handle a related situation with my teenage boys... Part One: Does anyone know if the Wii will have any kind of parental controls built into it? We don't necessarily want our kids to be able to go anywhere they want (ie: porn sites) online when we're not around. Secondly, is there some kind of firewall built into this thing? We run a network with our computers and have some concerns about our computers being hacked through the Wii.

Part Two: We have 2 teenage boys (13 & 14 yo). The 13 yo has money to buy a Wii and wants to put it in his room instead of in the family room. It's mostly a control issue, we think. Our concern is that if it's "his" that he will expect to be able to control who plays it and when...and if it's in his room, the rest of the family can't play it at all once he goes to bed (Mr. Smith is a gamer, too). The parental control issue above plays into this issue somewhat.

We would rather buy the Wii for "the family" at Christmas and avoid the strife that we think this situation will cause, but the 13 yo isn't really happy w/ this because of the ownership issue. The 14 yo doesn't want part of his Christmas present to be the Wii because he wants money to put toward an iPod.

The other option that we came up with was to let the 13 yo buy his Wii and put it in his room and then buy a "family" one at Christmas for the family room. Neither of the boys are thrilled about this option because they don't want to "spend" the Christmas money on a second console. I don't really like this option, either, but we're stuck on how to handle the issue.

Any suggestions on handling this would be appreciated.

Why are boys so physical?

LadyBonita — Tue, 23 May 2006 07:49:51 -0800

Boys! And their manifestation of physical energy + why do they have a love/hate relationship with trying to kill each other? I am a mother of all boys and I'd like to understand their behavior better. Sometimes I'm concerned about the way they behave with each other and not sure where/when/if/how to set limits. My husband always tries to calm me down with "that's just the way boys are and need to be."

So I'm curious, and would love some insight on young male behavior. Our boys are close, they show lots of affection towards each other, they defend one another - yet nearly every day they seem to also wish to kill each other. What is going on?

For example - they will put each other in choke holds, laugh uproarishly, throw each other to the ground, wrestle, laugh, chase each other - then 5 minutes late one of them is furious about the very same actions (choking, wrestling, etc.) - and the real fight and angry tears begin. I don't understand this, and I'm beginning to dread when they start this physcial 'playfulness'.

Same thing happens when they wrestle around with Dad - all laughter and fun until someone (boy) gets mad about something - and then I have to deal with the fallout.

Also, every evening between dinner and preparing for bed, they seem to have a huge surge of physical energy - running, jumping, generally being very physcial - this time of day doesn't always lead to a fight but I'm curious about why it happens.

I'm wondering if this is proper behavior to allow, if it should be tempered somehow, if it's just normal boy behavior that shouldn't be stiffled. It just doesn't seem very civilized to me and makes me feel nervous.

Some background - I was raised with all girls (and Dad), we didn't have very many hair pulling, slapping fights. We were affectionate and physically gentle with each other (my sons are more likely to give me a light punch in the arm than to give me a hug - though they do hug).

My husband was raised with all brothers, single hardworking, tough-minded mother, absent father. He claims he and his brothers acted the same and even much worse (and they've all turned out to be well-mannered upstanding citizens).

And the boys are much different when alone - more calm. It seems as if things begin to get more physically 'active' when more than one boy is together. They behave well in public but I've seen this same physical stuff start up when they meet a friend while we're out.

Any insights for me?

Good websites for toddlers

itchy — Thu, 02 Mar 2006 23:49:43 -0800

Hi, does anyone have any good recommendations for great web sites for 2 to 4 year olds? My 2 1/2 year old has started getting interested in playing on the computer. I know a couple of sites for kids his age, but would love recommendations on other good sites for 2 to 4 year olds, particuarly ones that are educational, entertaining and easy for him to navigate (he's only using the mouse, not the keyboard at this stage). Thanks!

Look out, world

thirteenkiller — Sat, 18 Feb 2006 18:49:27 -0800

How can I get over my confidence issues and find a girlfriend (or boyfriend) in Ft. Wayne, Indiana? Although there are people who care for me, like the person posting this question, and people in town with whom I sometimes go out and consume alcohol, I have still managed to convince myself that I am unattractive and have no friends.

I'm not physically unattractive but sometimes I sorta have a bad attitude. I like to talk about how I'm gonna kill myself because nobody loves me and I'll never find a girlfriend and I'll never lose my virginity and stuff like that. So, how can I turn my life around? By the way I don't want to go to college. Also if enough people seem interested, maybe I will post a pic. Seriously though, I am both cute and clever but just too cranky and shy and I have myself convinced I suck when really I don't. How do I get over this?

By the way, how unusual is it for a 21 year old boy to be a virgin?

Books worth reading are worth reading twice; John Morley

LadyBonita — Tue, 06 Sep 2005 07:56:05 -0800

Boys do like to read. At least mine do. What are some great, good, or fun and interesting books that a boy should read? Or have read to him? I have three sons who all like to read or listen to books being read by us (the parents). I'd like to know what you think are the 'must' reads for boys. Along the lines of classics like Gulliver's Travels and more modern series like the Harry Potter books. If you have an idea, I'd also like to know what age of child you think is good for your reccomendation. Thank you!

What Jerky Boys segment am I thinking of?

shifter — Wed, 06 Apr 2005 14:02:44 -0800

There was a segment of the Jerky Boys I heard on a tape from a friend way back in the mid to late 80's that had a caller trying to arrange for a job interview while his wife was harassing him about needing to use the phone. At a certain point he has enough and you can hear what sounds like a lamp smashing into her head and then he calls back asking for the person to cover for him because she's laying on the floor not moving. What's the name of that bit and where can I find it?

Boys will be boys.....

davehat — Thu, 17 Feb 2005 04:50:50 -0800

Does anyone have any advice for calming squabbling infants? I have a 17 month old boy and he spends 3 days a week being looked after by a friend. She has a boy exactly the same age and the two of them have grown up spending a lot of time together, mainly at our friends' house, but also at ours and on daytrips and activities. They both have a full and varied social life and my son loves being with them.

Recently, the boys have started to have issues playing together. If one of them has a toy, then the other will want it, no matter what it is, or what he was doing beforehand. When this happens, attempts to get them to play together founder, as even if the playing could be co-operative or shared (lego, blocks, reading, etc) it causes distress to one or other child.

One of the children is very easily distracted, so he can be given something else to play with. However, the other child can't be. To make matters worse, he will instantly desire whatever has been used to distract or entertain the other.

To put it succinctly, one child nearly always wants what the other is playing with, not necessarily because its interesting, just that the other child has it. The other child would happily play with just about anything and is only possesive of two or three specific objects.

The issue arises at both children's homes and is not necessarily related to "ownership" of the toys.

The question is, how can we help them play together given this little stumbling block?

There's a lot of advice out there in childcare books and any tips or recommended authors will be gladly received. However, I am hoping we've got a super mom/dad/guardian/carer here who have some hands on experience and tips.

I'm being purposefully vague (I hope) as to which kid has the problem sharing/being distracted, but if knowledge of this is important to resolving the problem, I'll think about divulging.

Hobbies for a 12 year old?

jpoulos — Tue, 07 Dec 2004 11:34:20 -0800

I've got a twelve-year-old boy in my life whom I'd love to coax into a new hobby. He currently only enjoys video games and collecting Hot Wheels cars. I've considered things like r/c aircraft or rocket building, but either my budget or his mother won't allow it. I want him to learn to use his hands, and maybe get outside a little bit. Any suggestions? Other pertinent info: He's got some r/c cars that he doesn't take much interest in. We've done a little model-building. That kinda worked. He's 12, but he trends a little younger.