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Users that often use this tag:
Anonymous (42)
Someone Else's Story (3)
kitcat (2)
These Birds of a F... (2)
Prairie (2)

Is maintaining one's boundaries beyond the bounds of etiquette?

How does the etiquette concept that "The only thing ruder than rudeness is pointing out said rudeness" not imply letting oneself get walked all over? Help me understand this, if you would? [more inside]
posted by Someone Else's Story on Oct 27, 2012 - 21 answers

I feel like he's making a fool out of me.

I think my boyfriend is hitting on his best friend's (adult) daughter. I am hurt and angry and upset and I don't know what I should do. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 14, 2012 - 66 answers

HELP ME FIND BOUNDARIES

Help me find boundaries, again (sorry)--this time with updated boyfriend and cast of characters! The long and short of it is that my ex is coming back to stay with my family in a couple days after I kicked him out, and my aunt who I live with says this is okay, and my cousin lives in my room now, and I need to move out. And I'm broke. [more inside]
posted by athenadanae on Sep 9, 2012 - 17 answers

Seeking healthier perspectives during a rough time

I will soon be breaking up with my very dear partner. Typically, this is the point at which my life goes off-track for the next few years and I lose all perspective and any mental health I've achieved. I want to approach this period in a very different way this time. My question is how to avoid both zoning out/creating a protective fog/rewriting the past to be less dramatic than it is, and avoiding the other extreme of drowning in guilt for my partner's pain and their wasted energy and my destruction of our planned future. [more inside]
posted by teslateslatesla on Aug 23, 2012 - 19 answers

Help me support him without being his mother.

New-ish guy friend I've been dating is experiencing a (potential) flare-up of an old, painful and worrying health issue/injury. How can I support him without going overboard into mothering mode, overstepping his/my boundaries, or otherwise screwing things up? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 15, 2012 - 11 answers

How to make my weight loss a non-issue in conversation

How can I be polite and yet shut down conversations about my weight loss at an upcoming family gathering? [more inside]
posted by purple_bird on Aug 10, 2012 - 22 answers

"Children almost always hang onto things tighter than their parents think they will." Right? RIGHT?!

Our daughter has come to an age where she wants to try more and more thrilling amusement park rides. We have come to an age where we don't. How do parents with their own fears let their kids go and have fun on the thrill rides, when accompanying them is becoming less and less of an option? And, if the anxieties are such that even watching them from the ground is too gut-wrenching, and sitting at home while the kiddo goes with others is still quite nerve-wracking, what might work to deal with those fears? [more inside]
posted by peagood on Aug 2, 2012 - 43 answers

Stalker or just socially inept?

About 4 months ago, a new guy moved in below me (I've lived here ten years). About 2 months ago the landlord gave me his (guy's) phone number (he plays music loud and I suppose landlord wanted to be out of the middle of it--especially when I call landlord at 2:30 a.m.) I've used the number maybe 3 or 4 times since then. [more inside]
posted by Prairie on Jul 22, 2012 - 27 answers

What's between letting things go and leaving over them?

Needs and Boundaries: What is the space between "I suppose I can let this go" and "this is an utter dealbreaker; do this thing or I'll have to end this relationship" - and what do you do about negotiating things in that space? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 14, 2012 - 27 answers

Hi, we missed you! Now, can you please STFU about… [TW: Sexual Assault]

[TW: Sexual Assault] One sexually assaulted me; the others hurt and abused me emotionally when close friendships imploded. I have PTSD after the whole experience. How do I get other friends to understand that I don’t want to hear about these people? [Snowflake configuration of details follows] [more inside]
posted by Someone Else's Story on Jul 3, 2012 - 38 answers

What is normal and how do I minimize any discomfort?

Are my boundaries "normal" or oversensitive, and should I apply them to this person I am soon to meet? Supersnowflakery within. [more inside]
posted by thrasher on Jun 3, 2012 - 18 answers

Stay away from my desk!

An acquaintance keeps showing up at my office. What's a reasonable boundary for me to draw here, and how do I do that? [more inside]
posted by zeptoweasel on Apr 1, 2012 - 13 answers

Boundaries are to protect life, not to limit pleasures.

My group of friends is having trouble with one member and are completely baffled as to how to handle this. [more inside]
posted by buteo on Mar 24, 2012 - 55 answers

How do you gently let someone know that they're being too friendly and affectionate with you?

How do you gently let someone know that they're being too friendly and affectionate with you? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 24, 2012 - 28 answers

We don't want to be the mean girls

I am navigating a very awkward, uncomfortable situation with a coworker who wants us to be friends. I'm in need of smart, sensible advice on how to handle this. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 22, 2012 - 85 answers

Help me help my marriage.

Hitting a brick wall in my marriage and I would appreciate some different perspectives to help me figure out how to move forward. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 24, 2012 - 49 answers

Mother-in-law triggering PTSD

How do I keep sane when my mother-in-law does crazy things? [more inside]
posted by mild deer on Feb 17, 2012 - 43 answers

Boundaries or ultimatums?

What is the difference between an ultimatum and a hard limit? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 16, 2012 - 44 answers

Help me short-term with my dad.

My relationship with my dad is crap. I can't articulate why. I'm already in therapy, but my therapist is on vacation and I won't see her again for another few weeks. Help me out, if you can, in the meantime. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 23, 2012 - 26 answers

Another question about an insane mother

I have a great deal of contempt for my mother, which fills me with guilt. She has had serious psychiatric problems for her entire life. Although I know that she loves us, she is quite mentally ill, and I don't know how to cope with it. I need help learning how. (This is long, I apologize.) [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Dec 28, 2011 - 51 answers

Well What a Rude Thing to Say.

How to establish boundaries with way out of line friends? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Dec 3, 2011 - 39 answers

I don't want to see your etchings.

Help me graciously decline an invitation to a guy's apartment in advance of our date. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 29, 2011 - 39 answers

How can I reduce visits from my parents?

I was overjoyed to move several hundred miles away from my parents. Recently, they've decided they want to spend more time with family, and as of this week they'll have driven to see us three times in a year with little to no notice. Is there any reasonably graceful way to discourage/reduce these visits? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 19, 2011 - 42 answers

What am I doing wrong in my relationships?

Why do my relationships enter the LET'S MAKE THIS A SERIOUS COMMITMENT I WANT TO SPEND MY LIFE WITH YOU stage at an absurdly rapid pace? I used to think this was a kind of charming quirk, but my apparent inability to slow things down in order to determine the suitability of my partner has begun to concern me a bit. Special snowflake details inside. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 7, 2011 - 31 answers

How friendly is too friendly with an attached man?

Are you a bad person if your guy friend leaves his girlfriend for you? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 30, 2011 - 56 answers

Stop reading my mail!

Help me get through to my dad about respecting my privacy now that I no longer live with him. [more inside]
posted by These Birds of a Feather on Oct 16, 2011 - 32 answers

Map of Los Angeles area

Is there a map available online of the boundaries of the cities around Los Angeles? For example, the map would show the streets where places like Culver City, Bell, Santa Monica, West Hollywood, etc. begin and end. Bonus points if the map shows neighborhoods within LA proper. Double bonus points if it includes light rail and commuter rail. [more inside]
posted by Pruitt-Igoe on Oct 10, 2011 - 9 answers

When your parent is seeing a Bad Person, do you have to try to accept that person into the family?

I've lost objectivity. It seems clear that my mother's 'boyfriend' is a giant loser, but she wants him to be accepted by us and included in family events. What do we do? [more inside]
posted by kitcat on Oct 3, 2011 - 30 answers

Stare down the emotional pit or look elsewhere?

How do you deal with difficult family situations without imploding? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 30, 2011 - 8 answers

Mother-in-law troubles

I need some help regarding my prospective mother-in-law's involvement in our lives. [more inside]
posted by smockpuppet on Sep 12, 2011 - 24 answers

Setting boundaries with people (men, in particular!)

How do I set boundaries with people while staying true to my accepting, easy going nature? [more inside]
posted by sunnychef88 on Sep 3, 2011 - 9 answers

Boundaries Boundaries Boundaries

Can you recommend a book or two about helping to set boundaries with parents? [more inside]
posted by The Giant Squid on Jun 25, 2011 - 7 answers

Vector political boundaries for NASA Blue Marble?

Map Geo filter: Need political map overlay for NASA Blue Marble image, help! [more inside]
posted by Tom-B on Jun 6, 2011 - 10 answers

How do I encourage my ex to set some boundaries with me?

Ex-boyfriend and I are trying to be friends and don't have good boundaries between us, at least from his end. He's been reluctant to set them in the past. How do I encourage him to set boundaries? (long, snowflake-y) [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 30, 2011 - 26 answers

Help me avoid my awkward coworker

I started a small beer club at work with some of my coworkers. One of them invited a coworker who makes me incredibly uncomfortable. How do I get out of this? [more inside]
posted by punchtothehead on May 10, 2011 - 35 answers

I can stop whenever I want.... Too many frappuccinos?

Should my girlfriend be able to limit my Frappuccino intake? [more inside]
posted by losvedir on May 7, 2011 - 86 answers

I love you, mom, but shut it. For your sake, for my sake, for all of our sakes...

I want my mother to stop trying to discuss with me a specific relationship problem she's having. Is this unreasonable? How do I defend my request to her and not feel like a jerk? [more inside]
posted by kitcat on May 4, 2011 - 18 answers

Stop touching me!

My coworker is touching me and I need to make her stop without making a scene. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 29, 2011 - 54 answers

On collision course with self-prescribed therapeutic imperative

Almost 30, filled with hang ups and doubt, on collision course with self-prescribed therapeutic imperative. [Abridged Autobiography Inside] [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 21, 2011 - 17 answers

Mapping software that can count addresses within an arbitrarily bounded area

I’m looking for mapping software that will let me import addresses from a spreadsheet, plot them on a map, and then allow me to draw arbitrary boundaries on the map and give me the count of addresses that fall within the bounded area. Also, is there a name for this functionality?
posted by Jasper Friendly Bear on Feb 12, 2011 - 6 answers

Professional boundaries for an adult education environment

I am seeking information (website/blog/journal article/etc) that will help me talk about the need for professional boundaries & role definition for staff working in an adult learning environment. Bonus points for info that talks about both the teacher-student relationship, and relationships within the staff team/whole organisation.
posted by MT on Feb 1, 2011 - 1 answer

I feel so uuuussseeedddd!

I feel like a lot of my friendships are a one way street. I'd like to add another lane. [more inside]
posted by geegollygosh on Jan 25, 2011 - 21 answers

Should I break up with my mom?

The crazy lady killed my cat, hates my boyfriend, and is acting vindictively again...I am fully prepared to cut her out of my life forever. Should I? [more inside]
posted by thebeagle on Jan 18, 2011 - 39 answers

Knitting Group Relationship Filter

Help me figure out how to convey to the new head of my knitting group that I am really too busy until January to help with events. [more inside]
posted by miss-lapin on Nov 21, 2010 - 17 answers

There's no "there" there.

How do I talk to my mother about her depression, especially when I'm trying to create better boundaries but simultaneously plan for my family's future? [more inside]
posted by Madamina on Oct 25, 2010 - 9 answers

How can I put myself first in my life?

I've always been a "fixer/problem solver/peacemaker". How do I really focus on myself instead of thinking about others? [more inside]
posted by MultiFaceted on Sep 18, 2010 - 14 answers

How do I maintain the boundaries I've drawn with my mom and not drop them when she gets upset?

I'm trying to set healthy boundaries with my mom for the first time, but it's difficult because when I set a limit she gets upset, and then I feel awful and capitulate. She's not going to change, so what can I do or say to myself so that I don't give in quite so often? [more inside]
posted by colfax on Jul 17, 2010 - 19 answers

Help me put my foot down with others and choose better friends in the future

It has recently come to my attention that I have serious issues enforcing healthy boundaries with others. Because I do not effectively enforce boundaries, I end up caught in totally ridiculous situations that I am very resentful about. When I do enforce boundaries, the response is typically that I am being hypersensitive/petty/overreacting or being a "B****"; [more inside]
posted by neanderloid on Jul 7, 2010 - 19 answers

What do you mean, I still have to live with him?

A good friend intentionally hurt me. I cut off all contact in an attempt to move on, which so far seems to be working. The only problem? He's also my roommate and business partner. He'll be home from an extended absence soon and I need help drawing and maintaining boundaries for two people who should realistically have no contact with each other, but are instead stuck sharing a bathroom and a checking account. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 24, 2010 - 23 answers

Let's all just relax.

A guy I've been seeing for seven weeks just told me he loved me. I do not feel the same way. [more inside]
posted by Tha Race Card on Jun 21, 2010 - 25 answers

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