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Need space for new family

We have a new (4 month old) baby. Hooray! My husband and I both have wonderful parents who want to see their only granddaughter as much as they can. His parents live almost across the country so don't visit often. The problem is with my parents, and I need a reality check about what I'm asking of them- am I setting reasonable boundaries or being selfish? [more inside]
posted by chela on Mar 21, 2014 - 29 answers

 

How to Acclimate a Cat to Bedtime Rituals

A kitty has joined my home as of 48 hours ago (photos eventually, pretty sure a coworker is on here and I need to preserve anonymity right now). She's 7 months old ish and now that she's made a fantastic turnaround from being huddled in a corner to triumphant queen of my entire apartment, I need to start getting her acclimated with some things so we set some behavior boundaries right away. Help! [more inside]
posted by These Birds of a Feather on Mar 12, 2014 - 22 answers

How to stop these doubts about whether I am over-sensitive

Based on previous MeFi advice, I'm limiting my contact with my parents. Dad is reacting angrily. I'm fine with that and generally feel fantastic, but I have moments of wondering if I am too sensitive (as he claims) and whether I over-react in situations where everyone else would shrug it off. How to stop these doubts? [more inside]
posted by cheesecake on Mar 10, 2014 - 27 answers

I caught my therapist in a lie; am I overreacting?

I've been seeing my psychologist for about 18 months. Overall, she's great: upbeat, insightful and easy to talk to. But on a couple of occasions I've left therapy with a distinct feeling that she wasn't being entirely forthright with me, or like she actively tried to make me feel insecure during a session. Are these red flags real? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 3, 2014 - 44 answers

How to set platonic boundaries in a male/female friendship

I'm female and I've developed a close friendship with a guy over the past six months. As often happens, there is attraction beyond just a friendship. However, special snowflake circumstances dictate that we need to stay platonic--perhaps not forever, but certainly for now. I need help in setting boundaries. [more inside]
posted by Rainflower on Feb 4, 2014 - 29 answers

Learning how to set limits and follow through on them

I need help in learning how to firmly say no and in changing patterns that have been years in the making. I’m an empathetic and intuitive person and I’m very generous. It’s second nature to me to offer to help out or to support my friends. I come from a very ‘what’s mine is yours’ approach. I’ve given people places to stay, financial support, intensive emotional support and career assistance. I like being this way; it’s true to me and I’m not resenting or adding it up…but I feel I am training some people to exploit me or to assume they are always entitled to my help. I’m happy with these parts of myself, but recently I’ve started feeling that my kindness and sensitivity to others needs and boundaries is encouraging some people to treat me as if I have no boundaries or needs myself. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 4, 2014 - 35 answers

Oops! Did I spill my crazy on you? Help me be a better online dater!

First date excitement, late-night texting, boundary-pushing, and empty promises of a second date. Drama ensues, all in the span of a few weeks. Did I bring this on myself, was this guy bad news, and how do I tell the difference in the future? [more inside]
posted by mini apple on Dec 12, 2013 - 49 answers

How to support friend, untangle my issues, and set proper boundaries?

One of my best friends disclosed to me over the summer regarding a long-held secret that involves his sexuality in relation to physical identity, gender-expression, and self-esteem vis-a-vis body-dysphoria issues. I am trying to be supportive, but am afraid I've failed and become more of an enabler in the process. I feel like I'm being pressured to be his therapist & could use some advice re: how to proceed. Snowflakes apply; more inside. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Dec 9, 2013 - 16 answers

How do you cope with an utterly draining person who you can't avoid?

For various reasons, I'm in currently in a domestic situation with a family member who is really, really draining. This person has quite a few traits that seem narcissistic/borderline/non-respectful of boundaries. [more inside]
posted by SpecialSpaghettiBowl on Dec 6, 2013 - 13 answers

National Lampoon's European Vacation Moocher

What's the age cutoff to expect to be able to tag along with your parents on a vacation? [more inside]
posted by Sara C. on Nov 25, 2013 - 34 answers

Boundaries with builders.

Hands up. I struggle with boundaries. I am pretty confident (some think 'uber' confident).. but give me a situation that could potentially spurn conflict and I will do anything to avoid it. This has caused me a phenomenal amount of other kinds of crap. So here s the deal - I have had a young'trainee' builder in doing some work - very pleasant and a good worker. We agreed a fee and I said I'd pay half that if he did half a day. He said he'd do the full day today and so I was shocked when he left at 3:30 (he started at 10). I said I would settle with him on his last day (this was because I wasn't sure what to pay and wanted to think about), though then he'll be with someone else so I'm probably going to find it harder. I can see now, I should have stated prior what I meant by a full day. 2 questions - Is a builder's day shorter than an office day? They seem a bit of a law unto themselves. If it should be an 8 hr day - how do I say I'd pay for 3/4's of a day whilst sounding reasonable and nice/assertive instead of aggressive or a tad, frankly, nervous. [more inside]
posted by tanktop on Nov 21, 2013 - 9 answers

Not disciplining 7-y.o. boy for publicly battering younger girl - WTF?

While at a small family gathering in our friends' home, my coworker's 7-year-old son suddenly grabbed a 4-year-old girl, raised her up into the air over his head, and body-slammed her onto the living room floor -- in full and complete view of 8 parents, including both of his own. His parents never did or said anything to him about it that night, and we're all horrified. How do we get to a place of acceptance when folks make vastly different parenting choices than our own, and our kids see it? Details ... [more inside]
posted by hush on Nov 15, 2013 - 55 answers

"I really need you to stop existing."

A guy I went on one date with (and was a total creep to me) has crossed every boundary that I've ever set. I need to get him to leave me alone, but being direct isn't working. Help? Snowstorm inside. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 2, 2013 - 37 answers

My friend hit on me and another friend innappropriately. What to do?

I (female, straight, single, late 20’s) had a small party a few days ago. At the end of the night, one friend (we’ll call him Joe) was lingering late. I didn’t suspect anything, until he kissed me out of nowhere. Not sure what to do in follow up, especially considering that this isn't the first time he's done this to a female friend. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 1, 2013 - 48 answers

How do I create healthy boundaries with this crush?

I happen to still really like a guy-- he doesn't like me back-- but I'm still managing to step over all sorts of boundaries-- any advice on how to reel myself in and act more maturely? More details inside. [more inside]
posted by Ocellar on Oct 15, 2013 - 6 answers

Boundaries: I need them.

How do I set up the right boundaries regarding intimacy when dating new people. Difficulty level: history of abuse, disassociation and social anxiety! (nsfw) [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 26, 2013 - 9 answers

At what point do I step back from being the supportive friend?

I need help deciding how to set boundaries with a friend - if I should even BE setting these sorts of boundaries. More within. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 16, 2013 - 20 answers

I am my brother's keeper

What's the best way to protect my younger brother from my father, without also causing trouble with Dad? (blizzard ensues) [more inside]
posted by blue_and_bronze on Jun 24, 2013 - 9 answers

Nice (girls) finish last

Help me be assertive/direct without being hostile/aggressive. Also, help me muddle through some other communication issues. Finally: can a person be nice to others without being taken advantage of? [more inside]
posted by DayTripper on May 23, 2013 - 23 answers

I want more detailed maps on my iPad

I love the iPad maps app, but it's light on detail. Is there a way to toggle things on like town boundaries and other political/cultural data? Or is there another app that does that?
posted by Camofrog on May 21, 2013 - 7 answers

How to proceed in this situation without compromising standards?

I tried to establish no-contact boundaries with an inappropriate supervisor, but now I'm doubting myself and wondering if I've overreacted. [more inside]
posted by cucumber patch on May 21, 2013 - 12 answers

I think I may have to have a serious talk with my frie

Frienship-filter: L. and I have been friends for more than 15 years. The first couple of years, we spent a lot of time together. We were both in a relationship, so it was one of those couples relationship which also became very much about the two of us. After cca 2 years, I moved away to be with the other half of the couple, and stayed away for about 10 years. We have now been in the same place for 5 years (move-away relationship went bust), and I am having trouble with our friendship. [more inside]
posted by laceysocks on Mar 26, 2013 - 17 answers

Dealing with an employer with crappy boundaries, in a niche field?

I’m in a small and incestuous field. My current employer has boundary issues and doesn't respect my time - it's driving me up the wall. I have to be very careful about how I handle this, since he has fingers in most of the pies in town. How can I assert myself without jeopardising my chances of future work? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 26, 2013 - 16 answers

I'll just start sleeping with my shotgun then...

Boyfriend wants to help lifelong thief friend without becoming a victim. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 13, 2013 - 34 answers

Feeling responsible for friend's sobriety--need help with boundaries!

(Asking for a friend) I have been sober for nearly a year, and attend AA meetings regularly. Recently, an old friend has moved to my city and has confided in me that they are concerned with their own drinking habits, think they may be an alcoholic, and asked for my help. I am happy to support my friend, but some boundary issues have come up that I would like metafilter's advice on. (Sorry in advance for length.) [more inside]
posted by dysh on Feb 10, 2013 - 18 answers

What to do about an unwanted critter living in our house?

About three years ago, my wife was visiting her mother when they discovered a cute puppy running around on the property. The mother took the puppy home and there was great rejoicing. Flash forward one year. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 7, 2013 - 45 answers

Friendships after relationships

I'm trying to figure out the best way to understand and handle the relationship between myself and a good friend who is also my ex. Snowflakes inside. [more inside]
posted by jlibera on Feb 4, 2013 - 20 answers

It's like having an obnoxious in-law, but not.

My friend and his wife are visiting later this year. I enjoy my friend's company very much, but being around his wife for more than a day or two drives me nuts. Help me find some way to mitigate this without damaging our friendship in the process. [more inside]
posted by Broseph on Jan 14, 2013 - 19 answers

Their needs don’t trump mine - it’s not about “trumping” anyway! Gah!

Sometimes, people will hurt me - and then get so upset about having done so, that they want me to comfort them. Or else they become so inconsolable that we can’t move forward without talking about their feelings. How do you handle these situations when what you need is time to process your own hurt? [more inside]
posted by Someone Else's Story on Jan 11, 2013 - 35 answers

Relationship; and the one with her Male Friend

At the beginning of the relationship, she had asked to be exclusive. Told me she wants me to be her boyfriend. Thing's were going great. She mentions that she has a male friend visiting from out of town. Wasn't a big deal for me. Then it comes to light that he would be staying at her place for the weekend. [more inside]
posted by Nicholas Geary on Jan 2, 2013 - 120 answers

Getting others to respect your boundaries/respect you?

Getting others to respect your boundaries/treat you with respect? [more inside]
posted by Prairie on Dec 26, 2012 - 24 answers

How can I support my husband while he sets boundaries with his family?

How do I best support my partner when he sets boundaries with his passive-aggressive family, particularly when the boundaries are about how they've been treating me? Wall of text, with bonus holiday drama, inside! [more inside]
posted by SeedStitch on Dec 26, 2012 - 38 answers

My big girl panties are pinching

I should have gone the no-contact route a coupe of years ago when he told me that he only saw me as a friend, but I struggled through and we got back to good friend status. Recently the old feelings have resurfaced. Do I have to "use my words" again or is it okay to do a slow fade? [more inside]
posted by Neneh on Dec 25, 2012 - 12 answers

How can I respond to questions I don't want to answer without hurting peoples' feelings?

After posting this question, I asked out a guy that I was interested in. It's going pretty great, except that my friends won't leave me the hell alone about it, and I want to think about something else! [more inside]
posted by windykites on Nov 25, 2012 - 8 answers

Please come in, we don't have anything worth stealing anyway

I find it very hard to say no to people. I try to please everybody, especially people I don't know well. I worry a lot about offending, committing social faux-pas or hurting people's feelings. The idea that somebody wouldn't like me makes me anxious. What can I do about it? And how do I learn to NOTICE when my boundaries are being crossed? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 22, 2012 - 15 answers

Surviving a separation, part 2: boundary setting!

Hoping for advice on setting boundaries within a co-parenting relationship following a marital separation. [more inside]
posted by justonegirl on Nov 9, 2012 - 27 answers

Is maintaining one's boundaries beyond the bounds of etiquette?

How does the etiquette concept that "The only thing ruder than rudeness is pointing out said rudeness" not imply letting oneself get walked all over? Help me understand this, if you would? [more inside]
posted by Someone Else's Story on Oct 27, 2012 - 21 answers

I feel like he's making a fool out of me.

I think my boyfriend is hitting on his best friend's (adult) daughter. I am hurt and angry and upset and I don't know what I should do. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 14, 2012 - 66 answers

HELP ME FIND BOUNDARIES

Help me find boundaries, again (sorry)--this time with updated boyfriend and cast of characters! The long and short of it is that my ex is coming back to stay with my family in a couple days after I kicked him out, and my aunt who I live with says this is okay, and my cousin lives in my room now, and I need to move out. And I'm broke. [more inside]
posted by athenadanae on Sep 9, 2012 - 17 answers

Seeking healthier perspectives during a rough time

I will soon be breaking up with my very dear partner. Typically, this is the point at which my life goes off-track for the next few years and I lose all perspective and any mental health I've achieved. I want to approach this period in a very different way this time. My question is how to avoid both zoning out/creating a protective fog/rewriting the past to be less dramatic than it is, and avoiding the other extreme of drowning in guilt for my partner's pain and their wasted energy and my destruction of our planned future. [more inside]
posted by teslateslatesla on Aug 23, 2012 - 19 answers

Help me support him without being his mother.

New-ish guy friend I've been dating is experiencing a (potential) flare-up of an old, painful and worrying health issue/injury. How can I support him without going overboard into mothering mode, overstepping his/my boundaries, or otherwise screwing things up? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 15, 2012 - 11 answers

How to make my weight loss a non-issue in conversation

How can I be polite and yet shut down conversations about my weight loss at an upcoming family gathering? [more inside]
posted by purple_bird on Aug 10, 2012 - 22 answers

"Children almost always hang onto things tighter than their parents think they will." Right? RIGHT?!

Our daughter has come to an age where she wants to try more and more thrilling amusement park rides. We have come to an age where we don't. How do parents with their own fears let their kids go and have fun on the thrill rides, when accompanying them is becoming less and less of an option? And, if the anxieties are such that even watching them from the ground is too gut-wrenching, and sitting at home while the kiddo goes with others is still quite nerve-wracking, what might work to deal with those fears? [more inside]
posted by peagood on Aug 2, 2012 - 43 answers

Stalker or just socially inept?

About 4 months ago, a new guy moved in below me (I've lived here ten years). About 2 months ago the landlord gave me his (guy's) phone number (he plays music loud and I suppose landlord wanted to be out of the middle of it--especially when I call landlord at 2:30 a.m.) I've used the number maybe 3 or 4 times since then. [more inside]
posted by Prairie on Jul 22, 2012 - 27 answers

What's between letting things go and leaving over them?

Needs and Boundaries: What is the space between "I suppose I can let this go" and "this is an utter dealbreaker; do this thing or I'll have to end this relationship" - and what do you do about negotiating things in that space? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 14, 2012 - 27 answers

Hi, we missed you! Now, can you please STFU about… [TW: Sexual Assault]

[TW: Sexual Assault] One sexually assaulted me; the others hurt and abused me emotionally when close friendships imploded. I have PTSD after the whole experience. How do I get other friends to understand that I don’t want to hear about these people? [Snowflake configuration of details follows] [more inside]
posted by Someone Else's Story on Jul 3, 2012 - 38 answers

What is normal and how do I minimize any discomfort?

Are my boundaries "normal" or oversensitive, and should I apply them to this person I am soon to meet? Supersnowflakery within. [more inside]
posted by thrasher on Jun 3, 2012 - 18 answers

Stay away from my desk!

An acquaintance keeps showing up at my office. What's a reasonable boundary for me to draw here, and how do I do that? [more inside]
posted by zeptoweasel on Apr 1, 2012 - 13 answers

Boundaries are to protect life, not to limit pleasures.

My group of friends is having trouble with one member and are completely baffled as to how to handle this. [more inside]
posted by buteo on Mar 24, 2012 - 55 answers

How do you gently let someone know that they're being too friendly and affectionate with you?

How do you gently let someone know that they're being too friendly and affectionate with you? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 24, 2012 - 28 answers

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