Errr ... uh ... ahhh ... yo momma!

WCityMike — Wed, 30 Jan 2008 20:19:32 -0800

Mefites, help me be clever yet immature on the playground of our lives. I need to know how to more effectively tell someone he's a boogerhead. Scenario: stranger does something annoying and I choose to let it go and move on, or comment. 95% of the time, I let it go. 5% of the time, I comment, and perhaps 3% of the time, it escalates to a brief exchange of words.

At the moment, I'm morbidly obese. I've lost almost 20 pounds from my highest weight. It obviously ain't gonna happen overnight, but in the meantime, it's just what I'm wearing, not me (without going into a whole Stuart Smalley routine) and it doesn't bug me that much.

But in the meantime, it's the first thing the other person reaches for. I'm actually not insulted anymore; it might've bothered me once, but nowadays I actually kind of chuckle at how unoriginal it is to grab something so obvious. [Guy's thoughts: Errrr ... he's fat! So ... "Shut up, fatass!"] But what does bug me is that, because I'm not good at the whole "yo momma!" come-up-with-insult-quickly thing, I end up kind of going at the moment "urrrrrr ... ".

So I'm looking for some clever comebacks to the "debate opponent" hauling out the "fatass" or "fattie" remark. (The comeback doesn't necessarily have to involve fat, though — just anything that's fairly universal, and good. The kind that'd have a crowd going "Oooooooooooooooooo!")

At the moment, if I have the presence of mind, I usually unbotheredly chuckle and say, "Verrrrrrrrrrrrry creative."

It lacks something. The "yo momma" vibe, I suppose. And it does have that sort of "I'm insulted but laughing it off" vibe. Given that I'm not insulted but just trying to make fun of the unoriginality, that's not the desired vibe to project.

So ... how can I more effectively do the "U-G-L-Y, you ain't got no alibi, you ugly"¹ thing?

Two minor preferences for responses.

First, it would be good if the comeback can be fairly universal, and doesn't need to be tailored to something specific about the person. That way there's not a pause that would be needed for the "examination of opponent - thought - integration of response into insult template" process.

Second, yes, name-calling is kiddie playground stuff. But you can't tell me that you've never found yourself wanting a handy comeback in a situation akin to this. So doing a whole "childish" riff or the whole "it's better if you avoid disputes like this by doing procedure x" — *nod* understood, and I agree with you. But this is for rare, not constant usage: I don't plan to use these except once in a blue moon, but I'd like it handy in order to more adroitly slap 'em down when they go for the obvious.

¹Annoying, evil, chipmunk-y but nonetheless funny song.

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Errr ... uh ... ahhh ... yo momma!